Mastering the Laws of Sacred Sexual Attraction with Alan Davidson, certified Strategic Attraction Coach, Licensed Massage Therapist and the owner and director of Essential Touch Therapies
Sex – Tantra and Kama Sutra
Francesca Gentille
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Episode 26 - Mastering the Laws of Sacred Sexual Attraction with Alan Davidson, certified Strategic Attraction Coach, Licensed Massage Therapist and the owner and director of Essential Touch Therapies

Francesca Gentille interviews Alan Davidson, author of "Body Brilliance - Mastering your Five Vital Intelligences" Body Brilliance is the "Award-Winner in the "Health: Exercise & Fitness" category for the National Best Books 2007 Awards!" In this episode Alan shares the secrets of how he went from addict to attraction magnet. Recover how to make your body your best friend. Learn how to use strategic attraction to empower your IQ's. Release body shame and embrace the body sacred. Practice the Valium Breath that guarantees relaxation and centered energy in and out of bed.

Transcript

Transcript

Mastering the Laws of Sacred Sexual Attraction with Alan Davidson, certified Strategic Attraction™ Coach, Licensed Massage Therapist and the owner and director of Essential Touch Therapies

Announcer:  This program is intended for mature audiences only.

[Music]

Francesca Gentille:  Welcome to Sex, Tantra and Kamasutra, bringing you the soul of sex.  I am your host Francesca Gentille and with me today is Alan Davidson.  Alan is passionate, intuitive and inspiring person who is committed to helping people live in their bodies and through their bodies.  He is the author of ‘Body Brilliant – mastering your five vital intelligences’.  He is the owner of a massage studio and spa and he has been a meditation and body teacher and is strategic attraction coach.

Alan Davidson:  …that I needed to survive at that point.  I didn’t have the life skills to live in my body and feel you know the scars in my heart and the pain in my mind.  When sensation courses through my nerves and moves up to my head and is interpreted as pleasure or temperature or the taste of a woman, the sound of a song, those are all sensory sensations and it becomes very grounding for me so that if I am in an ecstatic state with my beloved, my partner and I can feel myself losing center, then with a breath and a little bit of intention I come back into my body and what I know now as a body, mind, spirit therapist is that that is only one piece of five puzzles and that I am at my most attractive, I am at my highest potential when not only my mind is working but my heart and my body and my will and my spirit are all dancing beautifully together.

[music]

Francesca Gentille:  Welcome Alan.

Alan Davidson:  Thank you Francesca.

Francesca Gentille:  Alan, there’s so many things that you’re gifted at it and I know and our listening audience doesn’t yet that you have a fascinating background and one of the things that I wanted to bring in the most and I think our listeners are the most interested in is that attraction aspect, that how do we create attraction?  That was kind of a mystical thing, like how do you do that?  So how do you do that?

Alan Davidson:  Well, it’s important Francesca to understand that at it’s simplest, the law of attraction, being attractive, attracting into your sphere of what you most want and desire, at it’s simplest, it is like attracts like.  So what that means to me to have the kind of life of joy and delicious pleasure and satisfying relationships and lovers then I have to be the most attractive that I can be and from my perspective as a massage therapist and body worker and somatic therapist for almost 20 years now is that we have these five intelligences, the physical, the emotional, the mental, moral and spiritual and each of those IQs can be measured but more importantly they can be improved to boost it and so when I am working in each of those IQs and just really peaking each of them in my own life, I know that I am my most attractive and that with my focused intention and my all the creative energy that I am drawing to me, the kind of world I want to live in, the kind of life I want to have, the kind of body that I desire, all of it together.

Francesca Gentille:  Now Alan, some people might say that they were dealt a bad debit cards in their life.  They you know, maybe their family didn’t have good genes so they’re not as tall or as thin as they would like naturally, maybe they weren’t allowed or supported to have a good education or higher education and they maybe have a tendency to be depressed or they might have experienced physical, emotional or sexual abuse and they have a tendency to be depressed or anxious and you know, their life isn’t working and they can continually find evidence for my life doesn’t work, I am not an attractive person and what this is, isn’t going to work for me.

Now you’ve had some challenges to overcome in your life, what would you say to somebody who currently, it almost look impossible to develop these five intelligences well.

Alan Davidson:  Well first I want to say I love that, you know, life has dealt me a bad hand and there’s an old quote by Robert Lewis Stevenson ‘It’s not the hand you were dealt by life but how well you play it’ and so for your listeners, I came from a background of being sexually molested.  I was an IV drug user, I shared needles with men who died from AIDS.  I was a bartender and one of the most popular, busy, fabulous Discos in the late 70s and 80s and so I had a long long period of denying my body and fortunately I was blessed, I had a spiritual curiosity and I understood that there were these patterns of life that created our circumstance but from my limited perspective as a party boy, I didn’t know how to really affect those patterns and change my circumstances.

But fortunately, one step at a time I was able to get sober, begin to heal my heart, understand my mind, make better choices and really connect to my spirits and by doing that and really focusing individually on each of those IQs I was in over a period of 20 years, it completely changed my life from methanephatamine dryclean junkie to a best selling author and teacher of spiritual principles and you know, I’ve been sober for 17 years I think.

Francesca Gentille:  Wow, and when you say in a sense denying your, you said denying your body, you weren’t, in a way it would look like you were ecstatic that you were drinking and drugging and you know, maybe sexing and just kind of almost in excessive ways, so when you say that you were denying yourself, what do you mean by that?

Alan Davidson:  Well, and perhaps I am unique in this but my reason for drinking and drugging and shooting up speed was, sure there was that sort of intensity of the rush of the feeling but very quickly after that the sort of numbness came over me.  There was an emotional numbness, there was a fuzziness in my mind, so what actually took me out of my body in a certain way that I needed to survive at that point I didn’t have the life skills to live in my body and feel you know the scars in my heart and the pain in my mind.

Francesca Gentille:  You know Alan, I think you bring up a fabulous point and I don’t think that your uniqueness is that for many of us and you know, I’ve been a food addict, I’ve been a sexual love addict, co-dependence is that my behavior is where you know, kind of brilliant strategies when I developed them that you know, 9 or 10 or 15 or whenever I developed them to try to take myself away from, exactly like you said, the pain of living, I had so much pain in my heart and in my spirit that I wanted to get away from it and you know, there was a like you said a little high and then you know kind of, sometimes either big low or kind of the sense of numbness and but it was the best guess that I had to tell for how to maneuver through this but what you and I are saying is there’s another side, there is a side of living richly and fully and actually being able to heal the heart and access the intelligence of the heart and the spirit and you did it one step at a time.  What would you say is the first step?

Alan Davidson:  Well, for me it was definitely to quit doing drugs and drinking and I was able to continue bartending for a couple of years even though I was sober but I used that time to go back to college and get my degree with a focus on psychology and sociology.  I also used that time to go to massage school and I found that I absolutely loved massage and touch and it was through massage and getting massage that I felt my own body began to open up and I felt my own heart began to soothe. 

I thought my mind began to free itself from the change of suffering that I had and my spirit, I am blessed that I can really feel energy usually and my spirit was just ecstatic to be recognized and to be coming home to my body.

Francesca Gentille:  I love that you’re saying now that coming home to the body and nourishing the spirit, nourishing the body in delicious ways and nourishing the heart and you’ll touch as a core universal need and you know, it’s we have a society that did studies on them that we have less touch given in to us in our culture than most other cultures in the world.  I mean I think we’re tied with Russia and maybe Japan but other than that, you know and possibly England, there are many more cultures where people are constantly touching, patting, grooming.

So people out there that might be listening and feeling depleted or sometimes feeling compulsive that being able to get massages, train in massages, go to a spa like you own, you know is this kind of a step that you would recommend for people who want to start gathering that energy of attraction?

Alan Davidson:  Well absolutely and you pointed to something, we live in a society where there’s a lot of body hatred or there’s a lot of body shame and part of it comes just from the basic religions of our time, a lot of Hindu tradition and Buddhist tradition and Christian tradition, all have this great fear of the body and they exalt the spirit and so you know heaven is better than the body and the spirit’s better than the body and I feel that our body is really and genuinely are best friend.

Now our mind might confuse us about some things and causes to make some poor choices but the body itself is our oldest and dearest friend.

Francesca Gentille:  You know Alan, I want to talk more about how we switch, really switch from a body negative way of being and you know, I don’t trust my body, I don’t trust my urges, into the body as best friend, after we come back from a break and a word from our sponsors and I wanted just also encourage our listeners that if you love this show and if you’re enjoying Alan who is just amazing man is to support our sponsors because that supports us, that helps us get our message out to the world and when you go to our sponsors, put in ‘Tantra’ and that brings back the appreciation that you have for us back to the show and we’ll be back right after a break.

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Francesca Gentille:  Welcome back to Sex, Tantra and Kamasutra, bringing you the soul of sex with Alan Davidson, author of ‘Body Brilliant – mastering your five vital intelligences’ and strategic attraction coach.

We were just talking about shifting from the old paradigm of you know, bad body to the body as best friend and tell us more about how we do that Alan.

Alan Davidson:  Well first is to just understand that the language of the body is sensation.  When sensation courses through my nerves and moves up to my head and is interpreted as pleasure or temperature or the taste of a woman, the sound of a song, those are all sensory sensation and so what I call peaking and boosting our physical intelligence requires, the foundation is what I call our sensory IQ, that how many sensations can I be open to at the same time and particularly since this is a show about Tantra and secret sex, you know, when we’re with our beloved whether it’s ourselves and in self-play or whether it’s with our partners in life, the opportunity for sensation is just incredibly amplified.

So it’s how do I surrender to all the delicious sensations of touch and the smell of amber or the soft glow of the candles as I am with my beloved.

Francesca Gentille:  Well how do we do that without becoming overwhelmed with you know, I think that’s what people worry about it that there’ll be slowing with the amber and then they’re no longer with their beloved or they’ll be so ignited by the erotic touch of their beloved, it’s for men that they might orgasm, more quickly, ejaculate more quickly than they feel comfortable with, so how do we open like this and just keep opening and stay connected?

Alan Davidson:  Well that is an excellent question and that brings me to the second pillar of physical intelligence and this has come very heavily from the martial art in Tai Chi community and they have something they call being centered in the body and just below your belly button, a couple of inches is a feel of energy, it’s the center of gravity, some people call it the second chakra but in the martial art, all movement comes from that place and so part of what I do in my own life is I play with my body right and left.

I wee front and back, I raise myself up and I lower myself down, all in the sensation of my center and so creating that as a life practice upon giving a massage, I am in touch with my center.  If I am driving, if I am sitting in this chair speaking with you I am in touch with my center and it really becomes a life practice to live from this place and it becomes very grounding for me so that if I am in an ecstatic state with my beloved, my partner and I can feel myself losing center then with a breath and a little bit of intention, I come back into my body and then that allows me to be more present to my partner, more present to myself and in that way I continue to open up to more and more pleasure and have greater and greater ecstasy in my lovemaking.

Francesca Gentille:  So that centering or focusing our attention more on our belly, you know lower belly button and kind of internally in our, kind of our energy center thinking of it as a center of energy and coming back to that, if we practice that outside of the bedroom then when we’re in the bedroom that can be a sense of touchstone for us.  It will allow us to keep opening and not be overwhelmed by…

Alan Davidson:  Exactly, and that’s true not only in the bedroom but even if I am not in the world and say I go to a fabulous four start restaurant and I’ve had this incredible meal and I am stuffed and yet here comes the dissert tray and I can ask myself does having this dissert bring me to center or does it pull me off of my center and if I listen deep into myself, the answer will always be stay with my center, stay with my center.

Francesca Gentille:  So when you were in the more kind of composite addictive part of your life, I am guessing you weren’t connected to your center, what were you checking into?  What do you say, oh should I eat this or should I take this drug or should I go to this party, you know, where were you checking in to figure out if that was a good idea?

Alan Davidson:  Well, there is a great quote by the Iris writer James Joyce and he is referring to one of his characters ‘Mr. Duffy lived a short distance from his body’ and I had the sense in those years that my point of consciousness was about four inches in front of my forehead.  So I really was completely divorced and disassociated from my body so everything for me was something that I had to figure out with my mind and what I know now as a body, mind, spirit therapist is that that is only one piece of five puzzles and that I am at my most attractive, I am at my highest potential when not only my mind is working but my heart and my body and my will and my spirit are all dancing beautifully together to decide what’s the next best step for me, what’s the most attractive step for me.

Francesca Gentille:  You know, and I want to talk more about how some of these other steps of the five intelligences, the physical, emotional, mental, moral and spiritual that help build our attraction for others, after we come back from a break and a word from our delicious, wonderful sponsor to be very carefully for you and please put in Tantra at the post for them and we’ll be back in just a moment to hear more from Alan.

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Francesca Gentille:  Welcome back to Sex, Tantra and Kamasutra, bringing you the soul of sex with Alan Davidson, author of ‘Body Brilliant’, who is an owner of massage studio and spa in Houston and strategic attraction coach and we were just talking about how attraction is built when we are in a sense full of ourselves, when our physical, emotional, mental, moral and spiritual intelligences are just you know, full and vibrating and yummie but how do we get there and Alan in the time that we have left, could you go through those and give us a repeat for some key tips on involving each of those?

Alan Davidson:  Well sure and you were saying just a few minutes ago when it comes to emotional intelligence, you always encourage people compassion, compassion and more compassion and I totally support that and the question is how is somebody who is completely hijacked by anger or fear or anxiety, able to choose compassion and so one exercise I want to share with you, I call it the volume breath because it is so soothing and so calming and just a few short minutes of doing this very simple breath, people can completely change their energy entrant and the quality of their body and even their mind. So are you ready?

Francesca Gentille:  I am ready.

Alan Davidson:  Ok, so it’s very very simple.  It’s just an inhale for a count of three, a pause, an exhale for a count of six and a pause, so the emphasis is on the exhale.  So here let’s me count that out for you real simple in, two three, pause.  Out, two, three, four, five, six…pause, in, and the breath just cycles like that and you can find your own rhythm, you don’t have to use my counts, I am a big barrel chested guy, I’ve got big breasts so but that focus on the exhalation completely triggers the parasympathetic nervous system in our bodies which completely soothes and relaxes every organ system in our body but very very soothing.

So it’s a very simple way to get out of anger, rage, anxiety, insecurity, just take a moment, take a couple of moments, go some place quiet and breathe in that cycle and it will shift your emotional being as well as your neutral thinking.

Francesca Gentille:  That’s really lovely and that’s wonderful in that as well so really bring us into that emotional present connection with one another to release some of the performing anxiety both men and women have.  That would be a perfect breath, wouldn’t it?

Alan Davidson:  Absolutely, absolutely and then the important thing coming back to compassion is that one time in a count state of being, it is to choose kindness, it is then I choose compassion and that’s an exercise of the more of intelligence in an effort so that’s when I choose what’s best for me and my partner in my world.

So you ask about mental like you and for me I really expanded that a lot over the traditional, cognitive IQ meant for understanding of intelligence.  To me it really is the relationship to my unconscious mind, my conscious mind and my super conscious mind and this is where in the law of attraction, a lot of people kind of hit a stumbling block because it’s quite possible on our unconscious mind to have a litany of negative and fearful and limiting beliefs.

So how do I begin to overwrite those limiting beliefs with one that are much more positive and healing and embracing and attractive, and one of the way to do that is just really traditional meditation practice but as you were saying earlier, also how do I read the inspirational text, the authors who touch my spirit and inspire me and allow me to focus my mind on my most attractive self.

Francesca Gentille:  So that, you talked about the unconscious, the conscious and the super conscious, that reminds of farads, I think it was the id that ego was a super ego and so there’s I think all psychologists agree, they call it different things that there’s this kind of deep layer that we’re not really aware of, what we think we know about ourselves day-to-day and then the super conscious is that when we connect with spirit, what is that?

Alan Davidson:  Well you have a super conscious mind is when we have stepped through our ego and our limiting concepts of who we are and we have really surrendered into a higher realm of being, you know we’re still in a body, we’re still human, we still do have an ego that functions in the world but we’re connected to the universe in a way where information and joy and energy is flowing through us without the blocks of meditations that we had while we were still living from an unconscious or even just a conscious place.

Francesca Gentille:  Oh that is the intention of tantra, that is the intention of a Dallas you know, sexual practices and [xx] is that going into those, the super conscious experiences, those are that, the peak experiences that many of us have had when we’re one with the universe and we, everything feels what we choose is right, it is a rightness and indeed with our choices because that heart, body, minds that were aligned.  Is that what we’re, we’re talking about living in that place more often?

Alan Davidson:  Absolutely, when we come back and we talk about lovemaking and sex, what happens is we have these extraordinary experiences and they’re fleeting and that’s why some people are so drawn to sex over and over and over because they want that transcendence of self, they want to be able to leave their suffering, they want to leave the sensation of their bodies and in the ultimate climax and so what I am talking about is how do we take that joy and intense sensation of an orgasm and make that actually a constant state of being and so when we begin to live at the peak of our emotional intelligence, when we live in our super conscious mind and the mental intelligence, we’re really living in a permanent state of ecstasy.

Francesca Gentille:  So Alan, are you telling me that you live in a permanent state of ecstasy?

Alan Davidson:  Not at all and I am not but I am telling you I am in a lot more than I used to be and that that’s my practice you know, to surrender to the ecstasy of life as much as I possibly can.

Francesca Gentille:  And when you’re saying surrender to the ecstasy of life and I love that this is what you actually do, that this is not a good idea or something that you read, this is how you’ve turned your life around.

Alan Davidson:  Right, right.

Francesca Gentille:  When you say surrendering to the ecstasy of life, little [xx] what does that mean?

Alan Davidson:  Well, we have to bring in the moral intelligence here to get how I navigate them so for me, moral intelligence is what are my core values, what is my vision of the life I want to lead?  What am I most passionate about and then from that place, I gauge how well to treat myself and to treat the people in my life and it gets me into a place where I absolutely know what feels best for me, moment to moment to moment and when I am writing that way for what’s best for Alan, I happen to be writing the way of what’s best for everybody in my life but that way is just this ocean of ecstasy and I begin to just submerge and surrender myself and so if I am walking down the aisle of a grocery store, I can still feel the pleasure and the delight and the ecstasy of just my body moving through air and the colors, what if I happen to connect with somebody in the aisle and there’s a smile or there’s a heart connection, there’s a wave of ecstasy that is shared and so that’s what I mean by surrendering to life, surrendering to my body, surrendering to the ecstasy of just what is every moment, every day.

Francesca Gentille:  You really remind me of that saying ‘lose your mind and come to your senses’, really that.

Alan Davidson:  Fritz Perls was a genius.

Francesca Gentille:  Pardon?

Alan Davidson:  Fritz Perls was a genius.

Francesca Gentille:  It’s of Fritz Perls and that sense of allowing ourselves to thinking to and take it your way and having a body that god didn’t make a mistake in giving us a body, it’s meant to be here for joy and there’s a sense when you speak of coming out of that mind which is often so critical and so pushy, you know, you just don’t do that, you know, I am bad, they’re bad is something that like you really have more of this gentleness and more of this ease and that’s a way that people can check in and know am I being ruled then pushed around by my mind or am I really in that body brilliance, that wisdom of the body.

Alan Davidson:  Right, right and that’s what I mean by our body becomes our best friend because it is the way that we can gauge where we are in our growth, where we are in our journey, where we are in our capacity for pleasure and for love and our ability to share that love and joy in the world.

Francesca Gentille:  And when that happens, we are completely and totally and deliciously attractive.

Alan Davidson:  And you are right about that sister.

Francesca Gentille:  Well Alan, it’s been such a delight having you share on this show.

Alan Davidson:  Well thank you so much.  I just love the opportunity to share the IQ and I love talking about juicy, sweet orgasms that rock the world.

Francesca Gentille:  Amen, and if you want to hear more about Alan, read the transcript, find out more about Alan, you can do that at www.personallifemedia.com and you can leave messages for Alan at (206) 350-5333 and for me as well.  Please let us know that the show that you’re listening to is Sex, Tantra and Kamasutra and I want to thank you, our listening audience for being so committed to bringing this beauty and delight and integration into the world.  Thank you for listening to Sex, Tantra and Kamasutra, bringing you the soul of sex.

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