Episode 30: You Are Perfect, But What is Your Market Value? Deepening Your Understanding of Your Self, Part 2 of 2
In this two part series, you’ll get a guided visualization for overcoming your fears about selling in Part One. Then in the second episode, Jason takes you deeper into the difference that makes the difference—especially in these economic times.
Your ego; your esteem for yourself.
Imagine only relating practically—not personally and emotionally hurtfully—to your results. Imagine never needing acknowledgement or praise from others to feel good about your Self.
Imagine being the locus of your results and your power. Imagine creating results most people are stunned by in these times. Imagine laughing about people who think it matters who gets elected—because you know you produce the results YOU want to produce.
Imagine you could do all of that…even now.
That is the truth and the foundation of this series as Jason shifts his tone in his desire to contribute to you deeper and more effectively even than he has in the past…
Narrator: This program is brought to you by personallifemedia.com.
Jason McClain: Welcome to Evolutionary Sales. I am your host Jason McClain and your guide in the 21st century marketplace.
I just want to re-preface a few things as we wrap up this module on self esteem and ego development. That is then, first of all, your self worth and your value in the marketplace are separate. Your self worth is a settled matter. Who you are and who you accept yourself to be, like your divinity, your pricelessness, your preciousness as a human being ion this planet is a settled matter.
You are priceless. Now whether you are a value in the marketplace, that is always up for negotiation, depending on your competence, depending on market fluctuations, depending on your ability to create a value perception that is in the eyes of your prospects and in your employer, etc.
That is always up for negotiation and you should always be in the domain of skill acquisition and in practicing what you have to offer, such that you can always demonstrate that you are worth more than people are paying.
With that said, you can trace virtually all emotional issues, whether it is self righteousness, whether it is anger, whether it is upset, whether it is overwhelmed, whether it is despair down to a fundamental self esteem issue. That is core issues about the question of your competence and your appropriateness to life. That is whether you deserve to be happy and you deserve good things.
Virtually all emotional issues can be traced to self esteem issues; a lack of positive ego development. There are two questions I encourage you to consistently ask. One builds ego in the positive sense; builds solid ego structures so that you can essentially handle what life throws at you. That question is: “How am I responsible? What was my part to play?”
Now this is not to say that it is your fault or you are to blame. Those are separate matters that I don’t intend to get into in this particular Podcast, partly because I could go on for an hour or so about the self esteem structures and how to build them.
The second question is essentially a question to help you move it forward. That is: “What can I learn? What structure can I put in place such that I can avoid it in the future?”
Now here is the tricky thing about this question. You are not allowed to learn something like “Well I learned you can’t trust people or I learned that women can’t be trusted, or that men can’t be trusted, or I learned that people just aren’t willing to spend money on blah, blah, blah.”
You are not allowed to create sweeping, global generalizations that inhibit you, limit you, or give you excuses. I am going to give you two examples to really drive this home. These are really…Well the first one may shock you. In fact, I will just use the one that will shock you.
I had a client that came to me. This was several years ago and I probably wouldn’t do this today. I would probably pace her for a bit longer. I had just laid this distinction down in our previous session. She came to me, and what had happened was her boyfriend had hit her.
In my world, there is no acceptable excuse to hit another human being, except in self defense. You may hit them back, but you may not hit them.
To make it even more intense, this was the most beautiful, sweetest, kindest, most intelligent woman I had ever met, not to mention the most physically beautiful. The idea of someone wanting to hurt her was just shocking to me.
I of course first made sure she was taking care of herself. I asked her what she had done, if she had gotten a restraining order against him, if she had called the police. She had done everything important in terms of the structures of justice to make sure that she wouldn’t have this experience again, for which I applauded her.
But then I asked her how she was responsible. At first, she looked at me horrified. I said “No, no. What he did was terrible and it must be stopped. It cannot be accepted and I hope that he goes to jail for some period of time. But how are you responsible? When did you know he might hit you? But you stayed with him anyway.”
Long story short, there were five or six events of the course of two years where she knew he would eventually end up hitting her and she made the choice to stay. That is how she was responsible.
Now what do you learn in that situation, because you could learn that men are violent or lots of disempowering things, tings that will not serve you in relationships. What I encouraged her to learn was to listen to her intuition; something very positive, something that deepened her understanding of herself.
So that is a real world application of this idea of you are responsible and you can learn something. Of course the second question turns the potentially negative or even horrible event into something quite valuable and useful.
But remember ultimately the only approval that you need is that of yourself, because if somebody tells you that you do a good job, well you have to pass judgment on that statement as true or false.
If somebody says to you that you did a horrible job, you have to pass judgment on whether or not that is true and what it means about you. You are ultimately still the final arbiter in your self worth, and the sooner you can accept that, the sooner you can accept that your self worth is a settled matter and who you are is priceless. The rest is practical questions of competence that you can simply call skill.
So remember those things as you move forward and remember to take on the practice of asking those questions. How are you responsible and what can you learn?
I am Jason McClain your host, your guide in the 21st century marketplace, but professionally I am an evolutionary guide that is just seeing you evolving, how you relate to yourself, and how you relate to the events in your life, or your ego and emotions. I look forward to speaking to you in a couple of weeks.
Narrator: Find more great shows like this on personallifemedia.com.