Episode 30 - Supercharging Your ‘Skill Set’ Using Advanced NLP In Your Business To Get Better Results For Your Clients and Your Business with Scott McFall of Hypnosis Connection and McFall Publishing
Join us to discover the key NLP strategies you need to go from self-employed person to business owner utilizing the power of advanced NLP. Discover the difference ‘immersion’ training can make and learn how NLP mentoring can improve your business success. Scott is one of our featured guests because of his amazing track record helping other coaches and hypnotists become successful.
This program is brought to you by personallifemedia.com.
Hi everyone. This is Robert Harrison with Coaching the Life Coach. Today we have the privilege and honor of having Scott McFall back again from hypnosisconnection.com and today we’re going to talk about the big picture with running your business and making it work really effectively, helping yourself and helping those that you work with.
Scott: What you want to see is that, in order to succeed when you’re training anyone, when you’re coaching anyone the first fundamental problem you’re going to have is that their awareness will be destroyed. Perhaps it’s a conflict at home with their spouse, perhaps it’s a conflict with their children, perhaps it is the ghost of a conflict with their parents, but they will be riveted on either what happened in the past or they will be riveted on the distractions of the present. One of the things you might ask yourself is what is their strategy for self-justification? What is the map that they fire off when they’re in difficulty or trouble to deflect, deny or destroy so that they’re putting the blame elsewhere?
Robert: Scott, thank you so much for being on the show again.
Scott: Hi Robert. Great to talk to you.
Robert: So Scott, tell us what is the big picture with really getting our businesses off the ground and running well?
Scott: Well, let’s talk about a couple of things. Let’s start with talking about awareness. Where is the individual’s awareness? Is their ability to take in the reality around them big enough to plan ahead in their business? I’m sure that you’ve noticed that great chess players are thinking several moves ahead and they’re thinking in terms of several possibilities, the side of their opponent. And so basically they’re considering a large picture. It’s that they’re looking at series of moves as a whole. Does that make sense to you Robert?
Scott: So what happens with a business person who is really suffering is no different to what happens to a parent when they’re having difficulty raising a child. Usually the mistake happens in the beginning. Not being able to see how failing to hold a three year old accountable eventually means that you’re completely incapable of holding a 15 year old accountable. So frequently neurolinguistics, especially at the master practitioner level, begins to include the ability to hold the entire picture of not what is just happening now but where you’re going. The person is able – just like this person calling me right now -- the person is able to actually see that every single move they make has a cause and effect relationship with their ultimate success or their ultimate failure. And their ultimate success or failure is based upon whether or not their awareness, their actual sight, sound, what they hear, what they see, what they feel about their environment is based on the outcome or goal or if it’s just reactionary to the present. So on a very organic level, master practitioner and lp begins to, with some level of intensity, expand the ability for the practitioner to see the big picture, to plan based upon the outcome. To understand on a more thorough level that they need to back up and see the overview in order to achieve. And from the coach’s standpoint realizing that your clients are going to come in and be talking about the details of a problem left-brained, over and over again, under pressure, in fear 80% of the time your job is to get them to calm down, interrupt the pattern of being left-brained and analytical and get them to focus on where they’re going so that they can compare their choices through the filter of the outcome that they want instead of just reacting to what’s going on in the present. Does that make sense to you?
Robert: Yes. That makes sense. Can you give me a concrete example of that? I’m sure there’s a lot of people that are listening right now that are going “Okay. I have no idea what the big picture for my business should be. This sounds like a great concept. How do I actually figure that out?”
Scott: Let’s use war as an example. Although war is not a good analogy for business because it makes people too stressed out. But let’s use it as an awareness example. Robert, you can imagine a soldier on a battlefield and imagine the bullets whizzing over the guy’s head and the grenades going off all around him. And in the modern world it could be grenades going off all around her or him. Okay? Now the first thing you have to imagine is that the outcome is only to dodge the bullets or to shoot the opponent, there is no purpose is there?
Robert: Right. This is frequently what happens when the brain goes into cowardice. Is the brain forgets what the point of the battle of life really is. It forgets the outcome, it forgets the reason, the goal of why we’re going through the details every day. So as a Master Prac you are taught to integrate all of the skills of master level and lp and use them interchangeably but you’re also expanding your ability to witness the whole strategy that an individual is using, witness the pattern of how they’re perceiving the world and being able to get in their space with them so that you can remind them perhaps maybe they’re trying to save an entire country. Maybe they’re trying to keep from having their family killed. Maybe they’re trying to save a liberty. Whatever it happens to be. But there’s purpose, persistence, and patience involved in great achievement. Purpose, persistence and patience. And that always means that you’re controlling your awareness to see where you’re going, not where you have been. And the only way that I can describe how most people run their lives, and I really do believe most people is an accurate generalization, it’s as though they’re looking out the side window of their car at the road while trying to drive forward. Their awareness is literally out the side window of the car looking at the pavement as it whizzes by and wondering why they keep running into stuff. So what you want to see is that, in order to succeed when you’re training anyone, when you’re coaching anyone, the first fundamental problem you’re going to have is that their awareness will be destroyed. Perhaps it’s a conflict at home with their spouse, perhaps it’s a conflict with their children, perhaps it is the ghost of a conflict with their parents, but they will be riveted on either what happened in the past or they will be riveted on the distractions of the present. Riveted on them. And so a huge percentage of your job is being able to get masterful pattern interruptions, meaning that you simply stop the direction of where their awareness is going. Now this is counter to rapport, which in practitioner level and lp and basic lp we spend an enormous amount of time on rapport, don’t we?
Scott: Eventually rapport is something in that you take or leave ruthlessly based upon what will be best for the client. And you can backtrack to get that rapport back or you can interrupt that rapport at will to help to benefit the client. And at master practitioner you’re going to start to see that there is a time and a place where rapport hurts people. And there’s a time and a place where it helps people. What I see in many NLP practitioners, master practitioners, even trainers, is that they become placaters. They become idiotic people who need approval from others to the point where they can no longer genuinely help with any speed or efficiency because they’re too busy trying to be liked. And it becomes pathetic because it’s like a mutual admiration petting society. It creeps me out.
Robert: We’ve seen that. You and I recently were co-coaching a colleague of mine, going through that exact same problem. It was so much about him and about not saying no and wanting to be liked that he was making bad decisions that had a negative outcome, not only on his practice, but on the outcome for the client and ending up setting himself up and the client up for not getting the result in the first place.
Scott: Right. I’ve seen this quite often, even in world- renowned famous practitioners. I’ve seen this. I’ve seen it two ways. I’ve seen it where they get so frustrated that they become jaded and angry and wacko because they expect to have rapport always work. Or they think that just because they have good intentions everyone’s supposed to do what they say. And when they find out that isn’t true they become jaded. The other way that it goes is they think they’re like royalty and they get an ego so big that every time they walk through a doorway don’t hit their head on both sides of the door because it seems to be that big. And so, these concepts are based upon the idea that when you’re a coach, when you’re an NLP practitioner, when you’re a hypnotist, even the licensed therapy professions, because you’re helping people so often it is very easy to suffer from an attitude of superiority so we have to ridicule that attitude of superiority when we’re training people, have to make fun of it to save them from their own ego as they go through the career. And it’s a very important part of training an individual is getting their ego out of it. And that requires confrontation. It requires excellent accountability. It requires that they’re chasing the trainer’s approval not the other way around. And so on the Master Prac level that becomes really important. You know I’m teaching Master Prac June 5th through the 10th up in Bismarck. June 5th through the 10th. And that’s going to be a nice, small, intimate training. I think there’s only 13 people coming to that so far. So if there are people who have Prac, Prac is required of course, you have to have practitioner level training before you can take Master Prac and we are offering a Prac July 10th through the 14th and we’re offering a Train the Trainer the 21st through the 27th of August. So there are some trainings coming up. September brings us back around to the Complete Hypnosis Business Training the 12th through the 15th of September. But the one that’s coming up quick is Master Prac and that’s the one we’re talking about now and I want you to know that Master Prac is a very confrontation-oriented training. I really expect the people who are there to be okay with having director, theatrical director assessment taken of their performance, of their communication style, of their ability to follow the client, of their judgment when it’s okay to disagree with a client and when it’s not okay to disagree with the client. I also require performance from each level of NLP training, meaning that I make you take video of yourself doing all of the skills that you learned and then we do assess those videos post-training. Because I really believe that the NLP and communication skills that we’re teaching in seminar format that people pay for that seminar expecting to really have the skills.
Robert: I think it’s so important to do that Scott. Because there are so many training institutes out there that don’t hold people to that level of accountability and one of the things, when you and I co-hosted the NLP training back in February in San Francisco, that was unlike, and as you know I’ve done many NLP trainings in the past, that was unlike any one I’d ever been to before because we really connected with each and every person there. And I watched you maintain that big picture thinking, which is what does this person need. And you allowed it to…Yes, you covered all of the basics you would expect to get in a training like that. I think one of the things that’s very unique about your training style is that it has this component of being extremely organic also. What do the people need that are in front of me? So an opportunity, as you know, I’d be in North Dakota if I wasn’t having a son about a week later.
Scott: I think it’s so courteous of you to carry that kid for your wife, personally. I think that’s great.
Robert: If she could fit it in my stomach, she would make that happen.
Scott: You know Robert, what I think is important about what you’re saying and what I think is unique is that every time I teach the way that it has developed is from running a Weight Loss-Stop Smoking Clinic when I did the group classes every month you never knew out of the 150 or 200 clients that were active at any given time which ones were going to show up for the class, for the group class. So let’s say we had 40 to 60 people show up for each group class. What would happen is there would always be 10 or 12 people there who had unique needs and I would find myself altering the curriculum of the class based on who actually showed up each time we did group class. And I couldn’t help myself. I fell in love with that training concept because it makes each and every training like a life-altering, wildly effective experience for most of the attendees. And every once in a while, and this will really help the people who are on this call, what I look through in the lens of the Satir model when training people. And I look at them and say are they blaming others ruthlessly all the time or are they placating me constantly or are they over-analyzing everything, like a computer? Or are they distracting all the time? We had someone who will remain nameless at the training that we did in San Francisco who was in the constant analyzing and placating mode. That specific person did not come out of that mode, okay? And the reason is because that person had their allegiances split between multiple training companies. Now the reason that I’m pointing that out is that the whole time I was training I stopped offering new information to that person when I couldn’t get that person to stay leveling with me, okay? So one of the things that I want you to understand, and I want every coach to understand, is when you’re getting placated, when you’re getting smug attitude from another person, when they’re placating you, when they’re over-analyzing without dropping in to getting real, when they’re not leveling, when they’re in their normal defense strategies, you’re not getting any information across. You’re getting exploited as a trainer as long as they’re behaving that way. You’re not getting real information across to them. Because the model of what you’re teaching is values, beliefs, attitudes and skills. What most people fail to recognize is teaching the skills without teaching the values, beliefs and attitudes is criminally negligent in my opinion. So what we want to look at is the ability to know, as a trainer and as a coach, that the big picture includes their values, their beliefs, their attitudes, the ability for them to flexibly switch between thinking visually, auditorally, kinesthetically, being able to perceive reality in a way that is useful to them, that doesn’t foster dependency but rather teaches them to be great at what they do in the first place. Because what we’re messing with is their pattern of perceiving reality. And if their values don’t shift or if their beliefs don’t shift or their attitudes don’t shift then what you end up in is a relationship that is based upon exploitation in one direction or the other. Either we as coaches are exploiting the person because we’re getting paid and we’re not getting them the information they need, so we’re exploiting them or they’re taking information and basically sieving it for use in a way that is not benefitting themselves or others but is making them into a better exploiter of human beings.
Robert: Now Scott, we need to take a quick break here for our sponsors. I want to come right back to this when we come back. This is Robert Harrison with Coaching the Life Coach. We’re here with Scott McFall of hypnosisconnection.com. And more. That would be the addendum I would put on that. And we’ll be right back.
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Robert: All right, this is Robert Harrison with Coaching the Life Coach. Today we’re talking with Scott McFall from hypnosisconnection.com about really seeing the big picture and specifically how really learning neurolinguistics at the Master Practitioner level can really assist a person in doing that. Scott can you give the listeners some basic, maybe like one or two little NLP tools that they can take back to their office today if they’re sitting in their office listening to this podcast.
Scott: Let me give you the fastest, easiest, simplest one. When people are having problems in their life, motivationally, one of the things you might ask yourself is what is their strategy for self-justification? What is the map that they fire off when they’re in difficulty or trouble to deflect, deny or destroy so that they’re putting the blame elsewhere? So that they’re putting the blame elsewhere. So that they’re not taking accountability. How are they avoiding accountability for their own decisions, their own choices, their own way of being? So when you’re listening to your client one of the best things you’ll ever do is set them up to be able to accurately assess which parts of a situation that they can control. And what you need to see as you’re listening, as you’re watching is not the details and content of what they’re saying but rather the pattern of how they’re self-justifying. And obviously there are people who are mature enough to not be doing what I’m describing. But I think you’ll find that seven or eight out of ten of the people that you see are dealing with maturity drama where when things finally do go wrong they end up in overwhelming panic and they begin to deflect what their responsibilities really are. And so what I’m saying to you as the practitioner is that your eye for what is the secondary benefit of the behavior I’m watching in front of me and how can I get them that benefit and get them to be able to focus on their goal without firing off that self-justifying crap? Are you following me? That the idea is to look for what it is that they’re trying to prove about themselves by the way they’re behaving, see that pattern instead of the details. And make sure to give them that to get rid of that need, to get rid of that neediness so that they can focus.
Robert: I remember when you were doing a conference call on Weight Loss protocol for fifty or so hypnotists and I remember you talking with Michael, I believe it was at the time, who had failed to cover those four primary core ways, complainer, placater, distracter, computer, how they get in the way of their own learning, how they avoid holding themselves accountable. And Scott I’ve got to tell you that one nugget right there that you teach from that Satir model makes all the difference in the world. When I recently did the workshop with Project Management Institute here in the Bay area, I taught those four beforehand right after you had done that call. And I really got that point and it made all the difference in the world in terms of people really opening their ears and being attentive and listening and letting the information go in because it made them so painfully aware of what they were doing when they popped into that mode that they were able to stay out of it. And it seems like that’s a lot of what NLP really does, helps people pop out of those patterns so that the learning and the transformation can really take place. Can you say a little more on that?
Scott: Yeah. I will tell you this. Everyone who studies anything on earth studies it through their own filters. So when you’re talking about the Satir model, you’ll notice that Satir was one of the original people, Virginia was one of the original people modeled for NLP, okay?
Robert: Fritz Perls and Milton Erickson.
Scott: And what happened is that, and I’m talking about NLP as we know it today not NLP generally but the NLP that we know from the lineage here in the States. What I’m getting at is that Virginia’s personality is the personality that I come from the most when I’m doing NLP. I’ve studied Fritz Perls and I think that he gave a lot in the top dog-underdog concept, the idea that debate inside causes most behaviors that we don’t want and that decision has to happen, decision and integration has to happen before you take action. I think that was a great pearl from Fritz Perls, as it were. On the other hand, Erickson’s great gift to everything is holding people accountable and knowing when to disagree with people. The fact that he told stories and did metaphors is great but what Milton really personally was great at, really great at is confrontation and pattern interruption. And he was also great at validating people. So there’s things I love about the way Milton handled people. But truly the one that I think had a structure by which we can checkmate people into growth is Virginia. I really think she had it really, really well. What I’m saying is that because of the personalities who began to model Virginia, Milton, Fritz all that stuff, you’ve got a situation where they missed, in my humble/arrogant opinion, is that they missed what was truly great about Virginia.
Robert: So tell us what that is?
Scott: She really cared what happened in a brutal way that was almost self damaging. She wasn’t able to step back out. But when she modeled people, when she got rapport, she went into the same state as the person. Brutally.
Robert: The Florence Nightingale of therapy?
Scott: Kind of. Kind of. What I’m saying though is that the whole point of rapport is to match the neurology of the person you’re working on so much that your brain goes into and therefore you’re able to understand what’s going on with them at a level that you could not otherwise do it. And this is extra-verbal. It isn’t just what they’re telling you because of how you’re connecting. It’s extra-verbal because your neurology goes the same way and all of a sudden you are almost like psychic. I don’t want to use that word but I do want to get the point across. When you’re actually matched up and you have real non-verbal rapport, and you’re really matched up, your neurology and your thought process is in sync, you’re in simpatico with the person to the point where you immediately have a vision of what’s going on with them and if you have enough life experience that vision becomes wildly accurate. Now you’ve seen me read people.
Robert: Oh yeah. That’s one of the things you are known for is your ability to read people. When I came out to train with you in North Dakota as part of the mentorship program one of the first things you had me do was sit down with Candace Richter, one of your famous weight loss clients and she said “Boy. Scott’s ability to read me is the first thing” that really stuck in her mind and that that built rapport and trust very rapidly.
Scott: So I’m not getting rapport to get them to get along with me. I’m getting rapport to get my read on them. So the outcome of why I’m getting rapport is very different because I’m getting rapport out of curiosity to understand what in the heck is really going on. And that’s a different outcome than why most people get rapport. Most people get rapport to get in cooperation. I get rapport to get the feelings that I get, the images that I get in my mind, the sympathetic understanding in my neurology that gives me the ability to see everything’s that going on with them without them saying much. That’s the point of rapport to me. Now I believe that in the empathetic way that Virginia did it, that she probably experienced a very similar experience to my own. Now I have a DVD that I have yet to watch, which is really ludicrous, but it was sent to me by Dot Feldman and Kay Grask who were personal friends of Virginia’s, okay. Its’ a tribute to her, to Virginia and I’m very excited to watch it. And Dot and Kay are flying in here this week for more training on the Weight Loss program. But one of the things that I believe is that every NLP practitioner needs to spend more time on Virginia than most people teach when teaching NLP. I think more time needs to be spent understanding the coping stances that Virginia taught, understanding what leveling really means, because one of the purposes of rapport, one of the purposes of getting the read, one of the purposes of pattern interruption early on in these relationships that we have as a coach is to get this person firmly entrenched in reality and then focus them on the difference between their current reality and their goal and break down the steps to get what they dream of creating. So what happens is that’s impossible without actually using the model that Virginia taught in the first place. It’s impossible. The miracles, the real miracles, are there because of that ability to be an impact on an almost shocking level. If you do this right, what you know about people and how fast you know it is shocking. But the tragedy is that teaching this to someone with the wrong kind of life experience, not making the practitioner real enough in the first place, all that you teach them when teaching this technique is how to believe their own assumptions more. And that isn’t enough. Going in as a practitioner if you have wounded assumptions or wounded feelings about the opposite sex or wounded stuff going on in some way or another then all you do is go in and prove your biases. And so if I’m teaching something about relationships it isn’t based on my bias it’s based on thousands and thousands of clients showing me patterns over and over and over again. Okay? So when we see these patterns redundantly and we’ve had the cross-check of thousands of people all of a sudden the read becomes very accurate. Well you can jump start that by being trained by people who have already put in the position to make these assumptions. These assumptions begin more and more accurate because of the number of people they’ve cross checked them with. It’s simply a matter of experience. So what I’m basically pitching as the practical skill is understand how to get people to quit the patterns that came up in their family, magically, by vaccinating against it with the Satir model and begin to put your own awareness on the overview of how people are creating self-sabotage and simply find the route out of it.
Robert: So the big picture is really helping them pop out of that and then get clear on what they really want. What do you do Scott, or what would you recommend or how would the Master track help a person and the client comes in and they’re clearly on an agenda and they’ve got something they say they want and they’re biting onto it like a pit bull. You as a coach know that if you go down that path with them it’s not going to line up with what they really want? How do you kind of guide them to either see that or…
Scott: How did I do it? This is something I would like to ask you back. What was your experience with how I did that? Because you’ve experienced that with me. I mean, we’ve done this particular dance, together. What was your experience? Because I would frequently not respond to what you were saying or doing and take you a different direction than you originally intended to go. And what I want you to notice is just exactly how unbelievably frustrating that really is.
Robert: My experience was very frustrating because it was like there was what I thought I needed and it seemed like your way of showing me the distinction or teaching me that was to allow me to go out and skin my knees my way and then come back and go, “Well, that didn’t work. What else should I try?”
Scott: I would set you up, if you think back on it, I would set you up with a hint. Like if I thought it was going to be a disaster I would be brutally honest. But what I would do is I would foreshadow the outcome. Remember expectation plus realization equals belief. So my first step in my head is double check that I’m not just stressed for my client in some ridiculous way, double check myself. Go inside, just double check that my assumptions are based in what they need and it requires double checking for everybody. Then if I decide that I am headed in their best interest then I will foreshadow the potential downside of where they’re headed. And what it does to them, is it means that if it goes that direction once that it’s usually enough of a consequence that they’re willing to steer the outcome. If you buy beef that’s three days older to save money and one of your clients gets botulism, okay, that would be bad for you as a restaurant owner, right?
Robert: Only if you get caught, right?
Scott: So what you’ll have is a person who’s in enough stress that they’re starting to make judgment calls that are saving them massive stress and money in the short run but that are going to actually cause the vehicle of their business to completely crash in the long run. So what I find myself doing is if I see it as brutal or ridiculous I will risk my relationship with that consulting client by being really direct and really brutal about what’s going on and I will risk the relationship. Because there are certain people that you cannot help because they’re so judgmental and so ludicrous and they’re so manipulative that there’s nothing you can do for them. They’re usually the people that come to you…I’m thinking of one client who I desperately wanted to help who is here in the United States and it was a women who kept thinking that she was referring really high profile people to me that I already knew anyway. I mean these are people I already knew. And had competed with for years and years and years and dealt with for years and years and years. Many, many famous people in the industry who she had also called or been a student of or whatever. And she felt that by hooking me up with these people that I owed her. And she was sadly mistaken. And she set up a business that failed very drastically. And when she called me the first time, directly, personally it was two and half months after she had opened and collapsed and in that time she had not called me a single time.
Robert: Isn’t that part of that what you had talked about before which is some of your clients literally because of the fear of ridicule or the fear of…if they’re sorting by being liked which is [INAUDIBLE] that they will literally not... We’ve seen this. We’ve seen this with people where they don’t share the advertising so they go out and spend $5000 and throw it down the drain…
Scott: Or $20,000. Or $100,000. And so in her case, the basic situation wasn’t that she was afraid of ridicule at all, it was she was that she was royalty in her own mind. She was unable to take directive feedback at all or to know when she needed it. She was sort of marching forward randomly. A good example is when she was at the training that she took with me she left with another famous hypnotist redundantly when I was available for more feedback and going to dinner with participants and spending a lot of time. She, on every break, was going somewhere else. In other words, you could see her perception and her perspective and her priorities were not on where they needed to be from the very first times that I was around her.
Robert: She didn’t have her eye on the big picture.
Scott: Correct. Or on the outcomes correctly at all because she was living experientially, not living in terms of managing her life by a plan. Does that make perfect sense?
Robert: That makes perfect sense and it reminds me of the situation that I know that occurred in Florida where you had some people there who desperately, desperately needed the guidance and the experience. Because one of the things, Scott that we don’t talk about much but I really like about you is you have really been there and done that. You’re not one of these guys who’s out there coaching coaches and never having done it. You’ve been in the trenches, built the clinics. I sent a guy to Florida to come work with you. That guy needed what you had to offer but because he had been a trainer in a different domain and clearly lacked a whole set of skills, did not allow himself to go into a learning position there and then cost him dearly.
Scott: I know who you’re referring to and I really liked the guy and I really am disappointed at the direction he went because everyone who went there that he knew is kicking butt and doing well. And so it’s disappointing because I also know that there are so many people who what you can think of it’s like they’re filled up. It’s like they have a pitcher that you can put…or a bucket that you can put so much water in and their bucket is full. Because they’ve trained and they’ve been and they’ve done and they’ve had experiences, etc., etc. So their bucket is full of assumptions that the world works in the way that it used to work for them personally. And that bucket needs to get kicked over so that it’s empty. And there are some people who are at a turning point in their lives where, and this person you’re referring to is at a turning point in the life that that person is leading. And his ego will not allow him to dump his bucket.
Robert: Some people not only need to dump their bucket, they need to scrub it out.
Scott: So what you see is that usually what you notice with me is that I follow the credibility model of teach something controversial and then prove it. I don’t follow the rapport model half as much as I follow the model of teach something controversial and then prove it. And what that tends to do is separate the room from the people who can understand reality based on an outcome. If this outcome is what we want then these are truths that we would have to assume in order to get the outcome is the basic way I teach in the beginning. And I state something controversial and then I prove it to be true. Now if the person doesn’t come along with me then I know how my relationship with that person is going to be, don’t I? So I do this sometimes in a way that reduces people by, and it’s not my intention, but sometimes when they face themselves in those moments it’s quite emotional. So what I’m pointing out is if a person isn’t listening to you and learning from you in the first place then why would you as a coach or a consultant assume that they’re going to get better at it in the next week. Because it’s only going downhill from there baby. It’s like a marriage, man. It’s exactly like a marriage. If you’ve got problems in a relationship there is no problem in a relationship that is fixed by getting married. All problems in relationships are made worse by getting married because the marriage over time with the commitment actually amplifies the things that both people need to go through drastically as time goes on. And so your consulting and coaching relationships are exactly the same. If you can’t make it go great in the honeymoon phase you got a problem because it sure isn’t going to go up from there.
Robert: You said that, and we need to wrap up soon, but let’s conclude on this point. You have stressed time and time again the importance in that first screening or that first consultation really having your eye on the big picture. Making sure that the relationship is set up right. Like one of my apprentices right now as you know is setting up those relationships up wrong and so he’s wondering why he’s doing ten times the work with half the results. It’s setting up right from the beginning, having your eye on the big picture in the beginning, creating that agreement with the person right from the onset so that the outcome actually has a chance to come to fruition. It’s like planting the seed in fertile soil versus just throwing it down on rocks and wondering why it doesn’t grow.
Scott: The easiest way to put this to wrap up is this. I am an actor originally. I do need applause, approval, other people, connection like anybody else. In my role as a coach, in my role as a hypnotist, in my role as a neurolinguistic programmer, I don’t need anything from anyone at any time. And because of that they eventually are chasing what I need for them to know or learn or how to grow. Because I’m not fulfilling my needs at all. Does that make sense?
Robert: Yeah. What I hear you saying is you’re making it about them.
Scott: the reason that the coached person gets control of the coach is because the coach accidentally is filling their needs through their practice. And so eventually you want the approval of your client more than you want the outcome and it’s very, very important to want the outcome more than approval. There you have it man.
Robert: Listen Scott, I really appreciate you being on the call again today. I know we went a little bit over. But it’s always a pleasure. For those of you who want to get a hold of Scott go to hypnosisconnection.com. And Scott, you want to shout out your number for our listeners?
Scott: 701- 471-0939. 701-471-0939. If you have any questions about NLP training or hypnosis training please give me a call man. And have fun. It’s a pleasure. Talk to you later.
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