Episode 13 - “Tap your Way to Better Love” with Kate Winch
“Tap your Way to Better Love” with Kate Winch
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Alissa Kriteman: Welcome to Just for Women: Dating, Relationships, and Sex. I’m your host, Alissa Kriteman. My show is dedicated in bringing you the most useful information available today to help you blossom into the glowing goddess you know you are. Today on our show, we have Kate Winch, healer and EFT practitioner. EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) are not so new techniques, but they’re gaining popularity with the success of the book and the movie, The Secret. EFT techniques help people erase old, debilitating, limiting beliefs, so they can be replaced with new, motivating, supportive beliefs, so we can create the fabulous life we know we’re here to live. Today, listeners, you’re going to learn about what Emotional Freedom Techniques are, and how they can help you clear limiting beliefs out of your mind forever, how EFT can help us relieve anxiety and depression, how EFT can help us attract our perfect mate, maintain that level over time, and have even better sex. We’re going to learn about the Ultimate Truth Statement, a tool for attracting whatever you want in life, and we’re going to talk about three major obstacles that keep us from feeling good.
Kate Winch: One of the teachers did an exercise with me, a tapping technique, to disappear my craving for chocolate, and I didn’t think it was going to work. I thought, well, it’s disappeared now, but it’s going to come back. And what’s great is, I can eat chocolate when I want it every now and then, but I don’t have that craving every day. So that was my first experience with EFT, and I was really impressed.
So it sounds like there’s a limiting belief that I can’t have it all.
Alissa Kriteman: Yes, yes, that’s a good one.
Kate Winch: So what we would do is we would, you know, if I was working with you in a session, we would do some tapping, and we’d address the part of you that doesn’t believe that you can attract in a mate who has all the qualities that you want. Just like, “even though there’s a part of me that doesn’t think it’s possible,” and we would clear out that negative belief by doing this sequence.
Alissa Kriteman: All right, do it, do it.
Kate Winch: I know when I first learned this technique I was like “Oh I hate doing the negative!” because, you know, we’re so trained to keep our attention on the positive. But the truth is, as humans, you know there is that part of us that doesn’t believe it’s possible, or we’re not going to get what we want. And so it’s so, it’s kind of liberating, to really give that side of yourself a voice, and go, “I don’t think it’s going to happen. I’m not going to get what I want.”
Consider by doing gratitude lists, you know, whether it’s dancing or singing or doing what you love. That’s raising your vibration.
Alissa Kriteman: But how does...what does that do for us?
Kate Winch: Well when we’re doing what we love, it lifts our energy and it makes us feel good. And then we start attracting in a whole new level of energy, and we attract in good things.
Alissa Kriteman: So, let me tell you a little bit about Kate Winch. Welcome Kate, first of all, welcome to the show.
Kate Winch: Hello, thanks for having me on.
Alissa Kriteman: Didn’t you love her accent? (Laughs) So welcome to the show, Kate!
Kate Winch: Thanks for having me here, it’s great to be here.
Alissa Kriteman: Ok great. Let me introduce Kate Winch to you all. Kate is originally from Somerset, England, if you haven’t noticed. Love her accent. She’s been living and expending her healing arts here in America for 13 years, yeah?
Kate Winch: Actually fifteen.
Alissa Kriteman: Kate’s a Certified Massage Therapist, she got her training at the World School of Massage and Advanced Healing Arts in San Francisco, she’s a Certified International Voyager Tarot Consultant, and a Certified Hypnotherapist. Her company is called Rejuvenation, and really she offers all of these things inside of that. Kate created her company Rejuvenation with the goal of supporting her clients and fulfilling their life dreams. She’s also an EFT Practitioner, and featured in a movie about EFT.
Kate Winch: Yes, we recently did – there was an introduction to EFT by the director of The Secret, which was very exciting, and I was honored to be involved in that. Basically it’s an introductory movie. It’s about seven minutes long, and you can actually go to the emofree website and watch that, and it’s pretty extraordinary. It really sums up what EFT is and also what’s possible when you use this work.
Alissa Kriteman: Okay awesome, so we’ll cover that later, we’re going to find that again. But yeah, so great, I’m glad that you were a part of that movie and that there’s so much – we’re going to cover a lot on this interview, but it sounds like there’s a lot of follow-up and information on the site as well, and I love that there’s videos and little movies and all kinds of amazing information now to supplement the audio program.
So Kate, you have quite a diverse background. Tell me how you got to where you are today and how you got into EFT.
Kate Winch: Yeah, well basically when I came over to the States from England, I was very drawn to alternative medicine and the alternative health field, and I first became a massage therapist, and then I read the Tarot and I studied the Voyager Tarot Deck for about 14 years, and then I became a hypnotherapist. It kind of organically unfolded. I used to be a smoker and I gave up smoking through hypnotherapy, and so it was just a really kind of natural unfolding process. And then a couple of years ago, my aunt, who’s a therapist in England (and she’s an EFT Practitioner as well), introduced me to Emotional Freedom Techniques, and then I finally went to go and train and become an EFT practitioner. There was something about the technique even though I didn’t know too much about it that had me drawn to it. Basically, I went to train, I was a little skeptical, it was a little bit of a strange technique, you do this tapping on certain points of the body, and I was skeptical to say the least. And one of the exercises we did in the training, was, they said “Does anyone have a chocolate craving?” and I always used to crave chocolate every day, and so I put my hand up and one of the teachers did an exercise with me, a tapping technique, to disappear my craving for chocolate, and I didn’t think it was going to work. I thought, well, it’s disappeared now, but it’s going to come back. And what’s great is, I can eat chocolate when I want it every now and then, but I don’t have that craving every day. So that was my first experience with EFT, and I was really impressed. I thought, wow, this stuff really works. And then I continued to do EFT on myself, and bring it into my practice, and it just would amaze me. It was really extraordinary how it could disappear things very quickly. Like, people would come in who’d be holding anger at their, you know, their parents or whatever, for 20 years, and then in doing the EFT and clearing their anger, it would disappear, and they would get to a point of forgiveness.
Alissa Kriteman: All right, so you gotta tell me how this works. I’m a little skeptical. (Laughs)
Kate Winch: Well basically, EFT is the emotional version of acupuncture. It’s kind of like acupuncture but without the needles. What happens is people will tune into their emotions and their emotional issues, and we also work with the meridians. And it’s a very powerful combination; it’s using words, and also working with the body. And it’s very powerful, that combination of words and tapping on the meridians, and it amazingly enough will disappear any emotional charge that you have.
Alissa Kriteman: How?
Kate Winch: Well, basically, it’s interesting because you’ll go into the negative. Say you have anger at a person that you haven’t been able to shift. There’s a point called the “Karate Chop Point” which is like, if you’re breaking a piece of wood, you’ll tap on that piece on the fleshy part of your hand, and you’ll say a sentence like “Even though I have this anger towards Bob, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.”
Alissa Kriteman: So you’re tapping on the fleshy part of your hand, does it matter which one, left or right? Whatever’s most comfortable?
Kate Winch: Whatever’s most comfortable, yeah. But basically, there’s lots of different techniques involved in this, but that’s kind of a basic way you would start off. And you’d acknowledge your anger, and then you say you accept yourself anyway. And there’s something very powerful about accepting any negative emotion you have. Usually we’re trying to push it away and resist it, and not want it to be there. And by tapping on the negative, with these meridian points, you’re able to clear out that emotion just by acknowledging that it’s there. And it’s pretty extraordinary. You’ll give your emotional charge a number, from 0-10. Zero is calm and peaceful, there’s no emotional charge; ten is, you know, “I’m really angry, or I’m really sad, really stressed.” That’s how we’ll measure the emotion. We’ll tap on the different points, and then we’ll check in, and the number will come down.
Alissa Kriteman: So basically, the first technique you’re explaining is called the Karate Chop, and what happens is, if we’re having a negative emotion with someone, we tap on the fleshy part of our hand while we repeat “Even though I’m feeling very angry about Bob, I love and accept myself anyway.”
Kate Winch: Yeah, that’s the general setup statement, and you’ll say that three times. By the way, if you want to get more information, you can download a free manual off the website emofree which will tell you really clearly how to do this process.
Alissa Kriteman: E-m-o-free.com.
Kate Winch: Exactly. You know, actually, what I would probably start with when I’m working with a client is a technique called a reversal, and we would address the part of ourselves that doesn’t want to let go of, for example, the anger. Like, there’s always a part of us that doesn’t want to let it go. So what we would do is we would start with the Karate Chop and go, “Even though I do not want to let go of this anger, for whatever reason, you know, maybe it’s not safe, maybe I don’t think it’s possible, maybe I don’t want to, but I deeply and completely love and accept myself anyway.” So the statements vary, but that’s an example of a statement that you would say. And there’s something really powerful about addressing that part of you that doesn’t want to change. You know, there’s one part of you that’s like “Of course I want to let go of this anger, of course I want to change,” but there’s another part that’s like “No way, I’m upset, and I want to stay this way,” so the first thing we’ll do is really address that part of you that doesn’t want to change.
Alissa Kriteman: Hmm, I like that. You know, in the video I watched, the seven-minute video on emofree.com, they talk about emotions as a precursor to disease, which is why we would do this tapping in the first place. Can you talk a little bit about that?
Kate Winch: Yeah. Well, it’s really along the belief that any illness, any disease, any health issue we have, is created from any emotions that we’ve been holding in our bodies, like anger or guilt, stress, and anxiety, anything that we haven’t released. And that’s why EFT is so powerful, and so good for your health. And what I love about it is you can do it on yourself every day, it’s like doing acupuncture on yourself every day, and you can keep clearing out any emotions that come up, and it’s a really powerful tool to work on any of those remaining issues from your childhood, or any incident that you just haven’t gotten over. And it’s very important to clear and heal those emotional charges, that emotional charge around whatever you’ve, you know, any baggage that you have left. And by doing that, it really is great for creating perfect health in the body. And if people have illnesses and they use this tapping technique, they can actually really heal themselves.
Alissa Kriteman: Alright, I’m going to take it a little deeper here because I’m not quite getting how it works. Now, you said it was acupuncture without the needles. Now, acupuncture, the needles release energy, right? Stuck, blocked energy. And, so EFT, when we tap on these meridian points, is it the same? We’re moving energy? And then, how, if we’re moving energy in our body, how are we clearing out – I’m just missing the connection between tapping on the physical body and how that is going to cure multiple sclerosis.
Kate Winch: Well you’re also, basically, you’re tapping on the meridians, and it’s energy therapy, so you’re working with the body, but you’re also working with the beliefs that you have, any limiting beliefs, you know, maybe you don’t believe it’s possible that you can get better, and you’re also clearing out emotions. So it’s a very powerful combination of working on the points of the body, and also with your beliefs, and any negative emotions that you’re storing in your body.
Alissa Kriteman: So you’re saying that if we have some, I mean, this is kind of a bold thing to say about cancer, or multiple sclerosis, things, and I’m not exactly sure of what you’re saying EFT will cure, if you can say cure at all, help eradicate, I mean I know in the health field you have to be really careful about what you claim, especially with the whole pharmaceutical companies and all of that, so you’re saying that disease is actually a thought pattern; is it the precursor to disease in the body, and we’re tapping that out?
Kate Winch: Yeah, and negative emotions that are stored in the body.
Alissa Kriteman: Yeah, like the book Louise Hay wrote, like You Can Heal Your Life, she talks about that, where your negative beliefs actually manifest into disease in the body.
Kate Winch: Yeah, especially, you know, anger and guilt. They can be really strong emotions when we hold onto them, and we don’t let go of them, they can create disease in the body. What I’m saying is, I just believe that, you know, when you’re dealing with any health issue, it’s a great tool to release any of that stuck emotion which may be contributing to whatever health issue you have.
Alissa Kriteman: Got it, got it. Okay, good. We’re going to take a break, and when we come back, we’re going to get a little bit deeper into the Emotional Freedom Techniques, how they can help us, relieve anxiety, depression, and then talk a little bit about how we can attract the love into our life that we want. We’ll be right back, this is Alissa Kriteman, your host of Just for Women: Dating, Relationships, and Sex. I’m with Kate Winch, EFT practitioner. We’ll be right back.
Welcome back to Just for Women: Dating, Relationships, and Sex. I’m your host, Alissa Kriteman. We’re here with Kate Winch, EFT practitioner, talking about what Emotional Freedom Techniques are, and how they can help us live the life you were meant to live and attract the love you were meant to have. So Kate, you were telling us a little bit about how we can tap out negative emotions out of our body through a series of tappings, and then get to a place of newness. So let’s go through, you talked about the Karate Chop, but let’s go through another technique that’s a little bit more in depth, where we would actually go from the negative thought to tapping in a more positive thought.
Kate Winch: Yeah, I mean I’d like to talk a little bit about how you can use it with the Law of Attraction, perhaps. One of the techniques is called the Ultimate Truth Statement, which was created by Lindsay Kenny, and the reason the Law of Attraction and The Secret and EFT works so well with that is, you know, the Law of Attraction is just focused on what you want, you know, “I want that husband,” or “that new home,” or “that car,” but if we have any limiting beliefs that are in the way, like, “It’s not possible for me,” or “I’m not good enough,” or “I don’t deserve it,” you know, or “I got hurt in the past,” those limiting beliefs can stop us attracting what we want. So, what I love about EFT is it’s just a wonderful way to clear out those limiting beliefs.
Alissa Kriteman: And those are mostly unconscious. Because we’re not consciously walking around with these beliefs, right?
Kate Winch: Right. See, exactly. We’re like “Of course I want that,” you know, car, house, husband, or whatever it is you want to manifest. Sometimes it’s a little confusing, it’s kind of like, “Why aren’t I attracting that?” So one of the techniques we use is this Ultimate Truth Statement, and that’s about creating a sentence that really summarizes where you want to go. For example, “I’m happily married to the man of my dreams, living happily ever after,” or “I’m at my goal weight,” or “I own my dream home,” whatever it is that you want to manifest. On a scale of 0-10, zero is “I’m nowhere near that” and ten is “It’s happening, I really feel I’m going to create that.” What you do is you rate yourself; you say, what number do you think you’re at? For example, if you’re a five, what are the limiting beliefs? Like, what’s in the way of you being from a five to a ten? So basically, you’re going to look at what’s in the way of you creating what you want. What are the limiting beliefs, what are any past incidences that have perhaps, you know, the evidence that you have of about why it’s not going to happen. For example, in relationships, you want to look and see if you’re trying to manifest your mate. What are those beliefs that are in the way of you attracting in what you want?
Alissa Kriteman: Alright, let’s do that. Let’s do that example. So if I was going to do this, so I would rate myself on a scale of 1-10, how do I feel—I’m rating myself on how accurate that feels to me, that I’m attracting my mate.
Kate Winch: Well you would create a census that really resonates with you, and really inspires you. Like, “I’m happily married to the man of my dreams...”
Alissa Kriteman: Alright, let’s go with that one. Okay, so I’m happily married to the man of my dreams. And so now I check in with myself with “how accurate does that feel?”
Kate Winch: Exactly.
Alissa Kriteman: It feels like an eight, honestly.
Kate Winch: That’s great! That’s awesome. So what I’d say to you is, what’s in the way between an eight and a ten? Like, what’s stopping you from being at a ten right now?
Alissa Kriteman: We could do finances (laughs). I’m like, what would be something else that I, you know...no, alright. So let’s stick with the mate thing, okay.
Kate Winch: “Mate” is a British term for lover or man (laughs).
Alissa Kriteman: (laughs) Okay.
Kate Winch: Your true love.
Alissa Kriteman: True love. Okay, so my question to myself now, that I feel really good about that, but there’s still—it’s not a 10.
Kate Winch: There’s a little piece of you still remaining—
Alissa Kriteman: I would say the belief that I’m actually going to find someone who’s going to tap into me on all the levels that I want to be tapped into: spiritually, emotionally, physically, you know, all of those ways. So I think there’s a little bit of disbelief.
Kate Winch: Right. So there’s this disbelief that you’re going to meet your kind of equal partner?
Alissa Kriteman: Yeah.
Kate Winch: And that he’s going to have all the qualities that you really want. And so it sounds like there’s a limiting belief that “I can’t have it all.”
Alissa Kriteman: Yes.
Kate Winch: Yes, yes, that’s a good one. So what we would do is we would, you know, if I was working with you in a session, we would do some tapping, and we’d address the part of you that doesn’t believe that you can attract in a mate who has all the qualities that you want. Just like, “even though there’s part of me that doesn’t think it’s possible,” and we would clear out that negative belief by doing this sequence.
Alissa Kriteman: Alright, do it, do it. Even though I know the listeners can’t see it, I just want you to go through it once so people have the experience of what it even sounds like, and then they can go to the website and download the .jpeg of all the spots. But just go ahead and say what you would coach me in tapping.
Kate Winch: Okay, very good. So basically, I would start with the Karate Point Chop—(laughs) Karate Chop Point—and I would go, I would say, “Even though there’s a part of me that doesn’t believe I can attract in a mate with all the qualities I want, and I don’t want to let go of this belief, for whatever reason; I love and accept myself anyway.” What we would do is repeat that sentence three times. That’s where you do the Setup Point. We’re also addressing that part of you that doesn’t want to let go of that belief, you know, there’s a part of you that wants to hold on and be right that it’s not possible. Then we would go to the Eyebrow Point, and we’d say something like, I would say the sentence and then you would repeat it after me. So we’d go, “I don’t think I’m ever going to find a mate with all the qualities I want.” Side of the eyes, we would go “I don’t think it’s possible for me.” Underneath the eyes - “I don’t think I’m ever going to get what I want.” Nose – “I don’t think I’m going to find a mate that has all the qualities I want.” Chin – “This hasn’t happened in the past.” And then we’d go to the Collarbone Point and say “So why would it happen in the future?” And then we would tap underneath the arms, and we’d go, “It’s never going to happen for me.” Go to the Ribcage Point – “I don’t think I’m ever going to get what I want.” And then to the wrists, “I don’t think I’m ever going to get what I want.” Then we would do another round. This is a little sample. At the top of the head, “I don’t think I’m going to get what I want.” Then we go to the eyebrows, for example, again, and say, “What if I could get what I want?” Side of the eyes – “What if it was possible for me to attract what I want?” Underneath the eyes – “What if I could attract in my mate who has all the qualities I want?” And then we would do something like; “I choose to eliminate any remaining beliefs that don’t serve me about attracting my perfect mate.” We go to the nose - “I’m eliminating these remaining beliefs that don’t serve me.” Then we go to the collarbone – “I choose to empower the part of me that knows that I can attract in my perfect mate. Underneath the arms – “I love knowing that my mate is on the way.” Ribcage – “I love knowing that I can get what I want. I love knowing that I deserve to receive my perfect mate.” Top of the head – “I choose to feel excited about this new beginning.” So that’s an example of what you would do. It’s just a really tiny example, obviously if we were in a session, you know, we’d work through all these different beliefs.
Alissa Kriteman: It’s amazing, you know, when you were going through the tapping of “I don’t believe I can have this person,” I just was totally resisting even saying that, because I so train myself to focus on what I want—
Kate Winch: Yes, yes. I know when I first learned this technique I was like “Oh I hate doing the negative, because you know, we’re so trained to keep our attention on the positive. But the truth is, as humans, you know there is that part of us that doesn’t believe it’s possible, or we’re not going to get what we want. And so it’s so, it’s kind of liberating, to really give that side of yourself a voice, and go, “I don’t think it’s going to happen. I’m not going to get what I want.” And it’s kind of...it really frees you up. And to go, “I accept myself anyway,” there’s something that helps the body relax, you have this sense of peacefulness and well being, and just like everything’s okay. So it really clears out that negative emotion, and it shifts you to the positive. It’s very exciting, but you can’t go from the negative “I can’t get what I want” to “I’m going to get married to the love of my life” just in one step. You have to take little steps, you know, and clear out those little limiting beliefs.
Alissa Kriteman: Yeah, I think sometimes with the Law of Attraction and The Secret and all of that, people think that they can sit around and just, intend for what they want while suppressing and masking their true emotions. And so, they’re just going to like, mind their way to it. But what I’m starting to hear, more and more, is that the way to attract really what we want is through feeling it. And it’s okay to feel the, whatever’s going on, like “I really don’t think he’s coming,” and, at the same time, “I love myself anyway.” And it’s almost like that’s the key to getting yourself to the other side of actually attracting him.
Kate Winch: To actually feel good about where you’re at right now. You know I had a client who was in her mid to late thirties, and she was really worried because she wanted to be married, and she wanted to have kids, and she came to me and she was just so stressed and she had so much pressure, like, “I have to meet the person,” and “I want to be a mom,” and what we did is really take that pressure off. And she’s like a different person now. She’s relaxed and calm and peaceful, and she doesn’t have that kind of urgency. And she’s dating someone who she’s really happy with, but she’s just in a really peaceful place. Sometimes we just can get ourselves into a bit of a state, like, “I have to meet that person” or have kids or whatever it is you want.
Alissa Kriteman: Nice. And so, let’s see here...What...let’s go a little bit deeper with using this. Say we’re already in a relationship.
Kate Winch: Yes.
Alissa Kriteman: How do we use EFT to transform a relationship we’re already in that might not be the most successful?
Kate Winch: That’s a great question. You can use the Ultimate Truth Statement again, where you write down your vision of what you want to attract in terms of a perfect relationship. And it’s rather interesting, because quite often what will happen, you know, is you tap and you keep your attention on your vision of a perfect relationship. And your partner can quite often become that, with you not trying to change him, but putting your attention on your vision of what you want. So, basically, you know, with relationships, it’s basically a mirror, a reflection, of our beliefs and our emotions. So, whatever sort of relationship we’re attracting into our lives is a mirror for us. So, really it’s about looking and doing the work within. And really, clearing out any of those negative emotions. Quite often, any long-term relationships, you know, stuff happens, it can pile up. You know, these undelivered communications or withholds, and EFT is just great for clearing out past resentments, past hurts, any anger, you know, quite often it’s hard to, you know, forgive your mate for upsetting you, or whatever they’ve done. And what you can do is, you can do this EFT on yourself. You can have a good—there’s this time called venting, where you can tap on the points and just go “I’m so angry at my mate,” you know, “he really upset me; he really hurt me; I can’t believe he said that.” And you can go on around the points, just clearing out, you know, this anger or this sadness or this hurt, and it really brings that emotional charge down. And it’s amazing. And then you can move into, you know, “What if I could forgive him? What if I could let this go?” And then “I choose to let this go” as you’re tapping on the points. So it’s really nice. It’s just allowing yourself to, you know, quite often we’re in a negative state, we, like, “I shouldn’t feel this way;” we resist it; we don’t even want to go there. So, tapping allows you to really own those feelings and vent how you feel, and then clear out, and then move into the positive. So really, and using the Ultimate Truth Statement, you can keep your attention on what you want. A lot of the time with relationships, you know, our attention is on what we don’t like about the person, or what they’re doing wrong. And so, again, with the Law of Attraction, it’s like, what do you want? What is great about the relationship? So you can tap on, you know, “I love having a passionate, harmonious, loving, fun relationship.” You know, and tap on those points. You can also tap on what you do love about your partner. But yeah, I just think it’s a wonderful tool to clear out, you know, anger, resentment, hurt, sadness, in relationships. You know you really want to keep clearing out that kind of past baggage.
Alissa Kriteman: Yeah, it’s interesting, because what you’re saying is it’s up to us to take responsibility for what’s happening in the relationship, and if something has happened, either in the moment or over time, a lot of resentment has built, and you know, it could be that the relationship isn’t as vibrant as it could be...We can have a session and just, with ourselves even, tap this stuff out and get back to a place of forgiveness and compassion and newness in the relationship. So not only can we use EFT to attract the man we want, or woman, or whatever we want, into our lives, by tapping out past negative beliefs, and then tapping in the new beliefs of focusing on what we want, but it’s also useful for people who are already in relationships and maybe need to vent and, I like that venting, you know?
Kate Winch: Yeah, it’s so liberating to have a good vent. Just like, clear out, and you’re like “Oh, I feel so much better!” just, acknowledging what is so.
Alissa Kriteman: And most of the time, we do that with our partner, which sometimes cannot be so helpful, you know (laughs)? So you’re saying, take a break and just do it yourself, and that it actually will, because of the way that the voice and the tapping on the meridians and moving this energy works, it’s a lot more powerful than just kind of, like, getting it all over another person.
Kate Winch: Exactly. Yeah, you can just tap it out yourself, rather than, you know, projecting whatever you’re dealing with. I mean, really knowing that you create your relationship, and really know that, like you said, we’re responsible for what we create. And anything we’re attracting into our life, if we’re attracting in a critical or a judgmental partner, or an angry partner, or whatever, it’s like, “Where is that in me?” And to really look and see, “Okay, what part of me am I not accepting?” Or “What angry part or judgmental part of me is having me, you know, attract this mirror in my life?” So you know, by doing the healing, like, “Oh, am I being judgmental on myself? If my partner’s criticizing me...” Do you understand what I mean?
Alissa Kriteman: Yeah, like healing the root of whatever’s showing up in your face. (Laughs)
Kate Winch: Yeah, exactly. And just really taking 100% responsibility for “I attract everything into my life.” And so often as humans, we want to blame and go, “it’s all their fault,” you know, but it’s like, “No. I create this. I create every moment.” And really, rather than hoping, you know, “I hope this relationship is going to work out,” or “I hope that I’m going to attract my mate,” really getting that you create what you want, and really taking, powerfully creating the relationship, rather than sitting back and hoping it’s going to work out, or Mister Prince Charming is going to knock on the door. You know?
Alissa Kriteman: Yeah, that really empowers us to be ultimately responsible for exactly what we want in all: career, relationship, whatever.
Kate Winch: Yeah. I mean the other thing I wanted to say is about creating daily practices, for, you know, whether it’s health or romance; whether you’re in a relationship or not, are you making time? You know, people say “I have no romance in my life,” whether they’re married or they’re single, but quite often they’re not putting energy into that area of their life. So I just want to invite you if you’re in a relationship to really make time and create romance. If you’re not in a relationship, you know, the top two ways of meeting a mate are online dating, or, you know, through friends. Just take action, like, get online, and go out on dates, rather than complaining, “Oh, I’m not meeting my mate.”
Alissa Kriteman: Awesome. We’re going to take one more break to support our sponsors. We’ll be right back; we’ll talk more about Emotional Freedom Techniques. This is Alissa Kriteman, your host of Just for Women: Dating, Relationships, and Sex; we’re talking with Kate Winch, EFT practitioner, and we’ll be right back.
Welcome back to Just for Women: Dating, Relationships, and Sex. I’m your host, Alissa Kriteman. We’re here talking today with Kate Winch, EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) expert. And we’ve been talking about how these Emotional Freedom Techniques can help us live the greatest live that we were here to live by eradicating old, limiting beliefs from our bodies, from our minds, so that we can start co-creating, with the forces that be (laughs), new things into our life that we actually want to have. So Kate, let’s go a little bit deeper here. Can you talk to me a little bit more about how these limiting beliefs serve to mold and shape us and get us into a place of unconscious, negative creation, say?
Kate Winch: Yes. You know, as children, in our childhood, all sort of things happen, you know, whether it’s with parents or teachers or siblings, we are given these messages. You know, whether it’s “I’m not important,” or “I’m not good enough,” “I don’t deserve to have what I want.” So basically, we’re walking around with all these limiting beliefs, and they are really created and they come from our childhood. And basically we have these core beliefs, whether it’s from a teacher or a parent or a sibling. But any childhood experiences that we’ve had that have been negative in one way or another, we tend to bring that into our lives as an adult, and EFT is just a great tool for clearing out any of that negative emotion, or any limiting beliefs that we’ve picked up as children. It could be, “I’m not good enough,” “I’m not worthy,” “I don’t deserve to have what I want,” you know, a lot of people have had very traumatic childhoods, and they still have a real strong emotional charge about what happened to them as a child. With EFT, it’s just this powerful tool to really take away that emotional charge so that, you know, you’re neutral. You’re never going to be happy about, you know, some traumatic incident; it takes away that charge.
Alissa Kriteman: Do clients come to you knowing what their limiting beliefs are or do they come to you with a specific issue and you help them uncover the limiting beliefs?
Kate Winch: Sometimes they’re very clear about what their limiting belief is if they’ve done a lot of work on themselves, other times they come to me with the issue. And what’s amazing is when we tap; the core issue will come out. And sometimes it uncovers beliefs that they didn’t even know they had. And then once we get to those core beliefs, and those issues, we can tap on them. You know, EFT can take away any limiting belief, like “I’m not good enough,” for example, and really, you know, if we’re operating with that belief, you can guarantee that it’s going to show up in certain ways in your life: in relationships, in your career, in finances. By clearing out those limiting beliefs, it can actually shift your energy. What EFT does, it’s really about raising your vibration, clearing out the beliefs, and getting into a place of feeling good, and feeling okay about the past and really releasing the past so that we’re not, you know, living with our past in our future, if that makes sense.
Alissa Kriteman: Yeah. A couple of the guests I’ve had, relationship experts, have talked about this raising vibration.
Kate Winch: Yeah.
Alissa Kriteman: So tell me a little bit more about how raising our vibration is important.
Kate Winch: Well, it’s just, it’s wonderful for abundance, and anything we want to attract into our life, whether it’s more finances, relationship, home. Basically, EFT is a great way to raise your vibration by clearing out those beliefs and bringing in positive affirmation. Consider by doing gratitude lists, you know, whether it’s dancing or singing or doing what you love. That’s raising your vibration.
Alissa Kriteman: But how does...what does that do for us?
Kate Winch: Well when we’re doing what we love, it lifts our energy and it makes us feel good. And then we start attracting in a whole new level of energy, and we attract in good things. You know, sometimes we worry, whether we worry about money or finances, that’s lowering our vibration. By doing tapping, this EFT, it clears out that guilt or that worry, and it raises your vibration, and gets you feeling good. And when we feel good, we attract in what we want. So really it’s such an important thing to do. Sometimes we, you know, whether we’re increasing our business, or attracting the mate, it’s all about just raising your vibration. Once we raise our vibration, we attract in a whole, new, different energy.
Alissa Kriteman: So basically with EFT you’re uncovering these old, it’s like, old energy. It’s like old, stuck energy, because thoughts are energy. Okay, so thoughts are energy, we’re tapping into maybe some unconscious beliefs that we didn’t even know were there, regarding sex, intimacy, love, dating, whatever, getting to the root of it, and then choosing something else. But I think what the key here is it’s bringing awareness that we even had those beliefs at all. So what are some of the issues that people come to you that they want to have cleared out?
Kate Winch: Basically people will come to me, sometimes with health issues, or any emotional issue that they’ve been carrying around...reoccurring patterns, whether it’s “I keep attracting the same relationship,” or the same job, or the same financial situation, procrastination, really you can use it on anything. It really is one of those tools that you can apply to any issue that you’re having in your life.
Alissa Kriteman: What’s one of your most favorite success stories?
Kate Winch: Let’s see...the woman I really love, well, there’s so many...But the most powerful one is one of my clients had been suffering about an incident that had happened about 12 years ago. And she hadn’t gotten over it. And when she spoke about it, it would be a huge upset for her. And, you know, in one session, we just cleared out that upset, and she got to a place of peace and tranquility, where she wasn’t—there was no emotional charge there. It had completely gone. So many people are working around, suffering about things that have happened in their past, and I just, you know, I am very passionate about this work and I love that it’s something that you can really get people to a place of peace around things that they’ve been suffering about, sometimes for years. You know, something that happened thirty years ago or whatever.
Alissa Kriteman: And so you’re saying just by accessing a thought that you didn’t know was there, and letting it go, because it sounds like this woman accessed some emotion, some thought that she didn’t know was there, she acknowledged it, and then let it go, and that actually could heal it forever? That’s like transformation.
Kate Winch: Absolutely, absolutely. Yes, letting go of, sometimes, you know, some things happen, you know, we could carry around a belief that it’s my fault, or just any blame, any guilt, any shame can be released through this technique.
Alissa Kriteman: What are some of the obstacles—other obstacles—besides our limiting beliefs that keep us from really feeling good every day in our life?
Kate Winch: Well, you know, daily messages throughout the day, you know, you can have those days when you wake up and everything just goes wrong, it’s like a domino effect. You can actually use EFT, again, on yourself, to clear out those negative, you know, daily negative things, like “I’ve got so much to do,” “I’m stressed,” “There’s too much on my plate,” “I’m overwhelmed,” or “I’m really upset about that conversation I had with a spouse or a co-worker.” Day-to-day things happen that causes us to lower our vibration. And sometimes it’s really hard to let it go and move on. And I just love that you can do this very simple technique on yourself and clear out those, when you’re feeling stuck. It’s just a wonderful, powerful tool to move you forward. Does that make sense?
Alissa Kriteman: I’m just having a vision of someone sitting in their cubicle at work, tapping and talking to themselves and their co-workers thinking, “Sally’s flown off the deep end!” (Laughs)
Kate Winch: It is a rather strange-looking technique, but, you know (laughs)...
Alissa Kriteman: All right, we’ll just say...it looks weird (laughs).
Kate Winch: But it is odd looking, but the results are just extraordinary. And when I first learned it, I was like “It’s such a weird technique!” and then I would start to see the results I would get with my clients and in my own life, and I was just amazed, I was like, “I don’t care what it looks like, I’m doing it, because it works.”
Alissa Kriteman: So what are some of the results you’ve been able to reap from doing EFT on yourself?
Kate Winch: Well, one of the things I’ve been focusing on is abundance. There’s actually a website, attractingabundance.com with Carol Look, and I remember when I started doing my abundance tapping, back in October, I, you know, I had the busiest month I’ve ever had, I’d made more money than I ever had, lost 12 pounds, and all these great things happened. And I love working on abundance, just as a general theme. Abundance is about, you know, health, partnership, and finances, and I’ve just noticed since I’ve been working on any limiting beliefs around, that I have around money, any other things like that, I’ve been busier than I’ve ever been in my practice, and I’m definitely feeling very abundant right now. For sure.
Alissa Kriteman: Nice, I like that. I like that it’s, it’s almost like, quick access, because it seems like we could work on some kind of anger issue that we got from our childhood for a really long time, so I think the skepticism, and the kind of disbelief comes from-- how could this be so easy?
Kate Winch: Yeah, it is hard to believe, isn’t it? Something that some people spend 20 years working on, you know, in therapy or whatever, can get cleared out quite quickly. I definitely had that skepticism when I experienced it first. I was like, “Does this really work?” But it is the fastest, most powerful, and easiest tool that I’ve come across, you know, as a hypnotherapist and coaching and all the things I’ve done over the last 10 years. I’ve never come across anything so effective.
Alissa Kriteman: I want to give our listeners a little bit of information about where they can find you, and more information on Emotional Freedom Techniques. So they can find you, Kate, at katewinch.com. That’s k-a-t-e-w-i-n-c-h.com. And tell me, if somebody wanted to take a class in EFT, where would they go?
Kate Winch: Well, if you’re in the Bay area, there’s Lindsay Kenny and Zoe Walton, just amazing teachers, and the website is lkcoaching.com. If you’re not in the Bay area, you can go to the emofree website and find out about a training in your area. There’s practitioners all over the world that teach this. The other thing that’s interesting to know is you can work with a practitioner on the phone. I have clients all over the country, and it works really well on the phone. So you don’t even need to go and see a practitioner in person. In fact, most practitioners—a lot of practitioners—do the majority of the work they do—is on the phone. It’s very powerful on the phone, but you can also do it in person of course.
Alissa Kriteman: And there’s also a lot of training—little video clips—on YouTube, right?
Kate Winch: Yeah, YouTube has a whole bunch of videos on EFT, so that’s great if you want to go and see more about it. Also, Gary Craig on the emofree website, he’s the founder of EFT, an extraordinary man, and he has a whole bunch of amazing five-star DVDs about EFT in very much depth in all sorts of areas, health issues, abundance, weight. So yes.
Alissa Kriteman: I love it. I know our show is focused on dating, relationships, and sex, so...this is actually a good use of many areas for your life.
Kate Winch: Yeah, and it’s great for—just as a side note—you can use it for sex and for romance, and clear out any limiting beliefs you have about sex, so...(laughs) just as a note...
Alissa Kriteman: You know, we’re going to talk about that in one second, but I also want to let the listeners know that you can email me, Alissa, at personallifemedia.com, and I’d love to hear your comments on the show, any questions you might have, or even ideas for topics for future shows. So again, feel free to email me: [email protected]. And transcripts of this show are also available on personallifemedia.com. So please get in touch with us. So Kate, before we go, just give me and our listeners a little bit of insight as to how EFT can help us have better sex.
Kate Winch: Well, you know, a lot of the times that sex—people, again, have limiting beliefs, or they have patterns that keep coming up for them, so again, you can just apply it to sex. You know, anything that’s in the way of you having a great sex life, you can just tap out those issues and shift it into the positive.
Alissa Kriteman: Even if someone has been sexually abused, raped, something like that, I mean, those are some devastating emotional experiences, so you’re saying that it will work for that as well?
Kate Winch: Well that’s a great question, because you can actually use EFT to go and heal those past traumas. It’s a very powerful tool to kind of clear out any emotional charge around that. And by healing those past traumas, it can actually, you know, impact your love life.
Alissa Kriteman: Mhmm. And many times I think if a woman is feeling shut down and doesn’t know why, EFT would be a perfect approach to helping a woman understand why she might not be able to have the orgasm she wants, or ask for what she wants, or why maybe her body shut down, yeah?
Kate Winch: Absolutely, yes. A lot of the time, as you do the rounds of tapping, you come up with a lot of these insights that you didn’t even know. And it’s great for having you feel better about your body, you know, a lot of women suffer around their weight, or whatever it is. So it’s just great for, as I said, you can pretty much use it for anything.
Alissa Kriteman: Well there’s the word: EFT is the wave of the future! So listeners, please get connected: katewinch.com, emofree.com, personallifemedia.com, give me your comments. It was great, great, great having you on the show today, Kate. Thank you so much for being here.
Kate Winch: Thank you so much for having me; it was a pleasure.
Alissa Kriteman: Yeah, yeah, and hopefully we can hook up some kind of link, maybe, to that seven minute segment on YouTube, because it’s really great, and I think if people see that they’ll start to understand a little bit more. This is a little bit esoteric, and a little bit off the beat in path, which is why I want, you know, to have it on my show; and sounds deeply, deeply powerful and quick, you know? So, anyway, we’re going to go, but, listeners, we’ll see you next time. This is Alissa Kriteman, your host of Just for Women: Dating Relationships, and Sex, always bringing you fresh perspectives and new insights so you can live the life of your dreams. See you next time.
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