Episode 23 - Losing Your Virginity After 40: Sunny Hersh
Should you lose your virginity after 40? How do you remain vital, sexy and alive? Our guest today, Sunny Hersh, author of Is it Hot in Here or am I just Hot? says midlife is “no time to play the blushing virgin.” She says “this is the time to live with the passion and pleasure you’ve been putting into everyone else’s life.” How do you do that?
Sunny Hersh is a wellness educator, journalist , workshop leader, editor of the e-newsletter Boomer Bites, and author of two books: Midlife Mamas on the Moon and Is it HOT in here, or am I just HOT? Sunny helps women overcome the negative expectations they have about aging, and starts them on the path to transforming their lives. She has a PhD in Laughter, a Black Belt in shopping.
Some of the things Sunny discusses with Peter and David:
- How does a 40-plus woman lose her virginity?
- Is there any truth to the urban legend about sex-starved older women?
- You know, Mrs. Robinson, Stifler’s Mom, that type?
- You call Viagra “the big blue elephant in the bedroom?” Why?
- There’s been a lot of bad press about hormone replacement.
- Should women ever consider HRT?
- Why do men hate going to the doctor, and what can their partners do about it?
Don’t be afraid to listen – it’s only your sex life we’re talking about.
David Debin: Welcome to “The Third Age” with the doctor and the man from Hollywood. That is me David Debin.
David Debin: Oh, so you are the doctor. There must be something more serious for you. You get a more serious fanfare. You get a medical fanfare, something like a heavenly thing.
On the show that you are about to listen to we turn the myths of aging upside down and we sort out the scientific, trendy, medical, and cultural; and tell you every thing you need to know about living in the third age.
Remember we guarantee if you listen to us you will never ever grow old.
Peter Brill: And I am the doctor, Dr. Peter Brill. The third age starts somewhere around 45 or 50. It is a time when you feel a stronger desire for deeper meaning and fulfillment in your life. Your first age is childhood. Your second age is building career and family. The third age is a major change or transition to a whole new set of problems, values, opportunities, and gratifications.
Join us as fellow explorers in this journey to discover what brings passion, purpose, and joy into this unchartered time of life.
David Debin: Well, I bet you are wondering what we are going to talk about on our show today and who pour experts going to be. The question is should you lose your virginity after forty. Marissa what you think about that?
Marissa: I oppose.
Peter Brill: You should wait. It is too late for you to vote Marissa: It is too late for you to vote.
David Debin: How do you remain sexy and alive after forty? Our guest today Sunny Hersh – perfect name if you are going to feel that way, sunny- She is the author of “Is It Hot In Here Or Am I Just Hot?” Now, that is something that I here all the time from the person that I am married to. The menopause statement is it hot in here or am I just hot.
Peter Brill: Or there is another kind of hot.
David Debin: You’re a doctor. You can’t talk like that.
She says, “Midlife is no time to play the blushing virgin.” She says, “This is the last time to live with the passion and pleasure you have been putting into everyone else’s life.”
How do you do that?
Stay tuned for a highly informative and I’ll bet entertaining show or you are going to be out there in the cold and you are not going to get any of that passion, that hotness.
Peter Brill: You will end up frigid.
David Debin: You will end up frigid. That is it.
Peter Brill: David I have a complaint to register with you.
David Debin: Okay, what is it going to be?
Peter Brill: Remember the speech we were giving last week. We had 100 people in the audience and there were these ladies in the front row. As I was talking along these ladies just completely stopped paying attention.
David Debin: Were you boring?
Peter Brill: Probably, but that is not why.
David Debin: What happened?
Peter Brill: They all just focused on you.
David Debin: Were they eighty and over or were they…?
Peter Brill: No, they were vital baby boomer women.
David Debin: And they were focused on me?
Peter Brill: You don’t remember it now David?
David Debin: Well, Peter I do. I sort of remember and I thought that it just might be a little fun to play, instead of them having to listen to a dull speech, for them to have somebody to flirt with.
Peter Brill: But three at one time, you pig.
David Debin: But Peter we have a team, right?
Peter Brill: Right
David Debin: We go out there and we talk to groups. We give a lot of valuable information and make people feel good. The information that you give to people is always valuable. It is always; whether it is medical or emotional or psychological. I am trying to like sort of slip in a little passion under your very…
Peter Brill: I see, raise their self esteem.
David Debin: Raise their self esteem.
Peter Brill: Get their hormones moving.
David Debin: Exactly
Peter Brill: I feel so much better David.
David Debin: That is the way that we do it in Hollywood Peter.
Peter Brill: I see.
David Debin: I don’t know in the medical profession if that’s…
Peter Brill: Listen we’re not allowed to talk about what you do in Hollywood.
David Debin: Well, Peter I’ll tell you from here on in if we are giving a workshop or a speech, right…
Peter Brill: You won’t be sexy anymore.
David Debin: No, I won’t do it in front of you. So if there is somebody that I want to talk to and meet on a personal basis…My gosh, I hope my wife isn’t listening to this.
Peter Brill: I hope so too David.
David Debin: I will write an email or something.
Peter Brill: Yeah, write her an email.
David Debin: Well, I apologize for that Peter.
Peter Brill: Well, that is all right. Now that I know that it serves a hormonal purpose
David Debin: Right
Peter Brill: it’s okay.
David Debin: And if you could, when you are doing your speech, loosen up a little bit.
That could help to.
Peter Brill: I’ll try.
David Debin: Oh my
Peter Brill: Is that a medical term?
David Debin: Yes, that is a medical term. As the pink lady says, and you are going to here more about the pink lady pretty soon, “Get up! Get out! And Get a life!” I can’t wait till we get the pink lady on. We are going to do the pink lady minute.
Okay, do you know what time it is now? It is time for the news story.
There seems to be some kind of weird crime wave going on in the world. I have been doing a lot of research on this because I am trying to figure out how to get the most money for the least effort. So crime is one of the avenues I am investigating.
Peter Brill: That is a very good ides.
David Debin: Well, I’ve been taught by you to actually be scientific.
Peter Brill: To be very practical.
David Debin: To be very practical
Peter Brill: To be very rational.
David Debin: To be very scientific, yeah.
Peter Brill: Okay
David Debin: So here is what I found is going on in Sweden. Thieves are robbing long distance coaches by sneaking dwarfs into the luggage holes in the sports bags. Now- Did you know that? - once inside
David Debin: You here those little dwarfs in there?
[Singing in Background] Hi ho, hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to work we go…
Peter Brill: That’s our engineers. They have sort of a little surprise for us today.
David Debin: That is how the little dwarfs go in to steal the bags.
Peter Brill: Okay
David Debin: They slip out of their hiding places and rifle through the belongings of unsuspecting travelers. Then they take their loot back to the hiding place and their collected by bigger people. Clearly, the dwarfs are not running this all by themselves. They have stolen thousands of pounds in cash, gems, and other valuables in recent months.
Now that is one crime that I don’t know enough dwarfs I can employ. Please if there is any… nothing meant here against any group here whatsoever.
Peter Brill: That is vertically challenged.
David Debin: Okay, I am going to quickly give you the second one.
In Malaysia thieves stole an adult cow, squeezed it into the back of their subcompact car, and drove off with it, but abandoned the animal when the getaway vehicle crashed into a tree.
[Recording of a cow mooing in the background]
Peter Brill: David I think you need a new profession.
David Debin: Those two are not going to work.
Peter Brill: No
[Recoding of a car crashing]
David Debin: It is a beautiful world out there folks.
Peter Brill: All right, David we are going to talk about the workshop.
David Debin: Okay
Peter Brill: We have two workshops coming up. A lot of people have found that they: want to talk about their lives; find a purpose for themselves; find where their passion is; how to get their life moving at this stage. Some people are coming out of marriages. Some are looking to form relationships, change careers, whatever. All tha; we work on in our workshop.
You can sign up by going to www.thirdagefoundation.com or give us a call 969-9794.
Having a lot of fun and interacting with a lot of people.
I know that, out there in the audience that your going to be very be very very interested in our topic.
David Debin: And we have a wonderful guest with us today who we are going to talk to right now. Her name is Sunny Hersh. So you can take a guess as to where she is coming from. She is a wellness educator, a journalist, a workshop leader, editor of the Enews letter “Boomer Bites”, and author of two books. The first one, I believe, is “Midlife Mommas on The Moon” and the new one is “Is It Hot In Here Or Am I Just Hot?”; which is the question that I hear from my wife all the time.
Sunny helps women overcome the negative expectations they have about aging and starts them onto the path of transforming their lives. She has got a PHD in laughter and a black belt in shopping. So welcome to the show Suny Hersh.
Sunny Hersh: Hi. I am glad to be here.
David Debin: Well, you are glad now but we’re not finished with you.
David Debin: You may not be saying that later on. How did you get the name Suny? Is it a nickname?
Sunny Hersh: It is a nickname. My real name is Saundra but if someone yelled down the street, “hey Saundra” I wouldn’t even turn around because I haven’t been called that since my mom used to call me that when she was mad.
David Debin: Well, you are really cute. I am looking at your picture on the book.
Sunny Hersh: All I can say is, thank God for Photo Shop.
David Debin: Okay
Peter Brill: What do you mean by should they lose their virginity a second time around?
Sunny Hersh: Well, like cut the blushing bride thing. It is too late for that. That ship has sailed, okay.
David Debin: So just be a round heeled woman.
Sunny Hersh: That is part of it. Be a round heeled woman. I love that book.
David Debin: We had that author on the show.
Sunny Hersh: You had her on the show? Is she amazing? Or what?
David Debin: Yeah, she is.
Sunny Hersh: She is a great lady.
It’s too late to pretend you don’t know what is going on. Just go ahead and work on it. Find out what turns you on.
David Debin: l: Well how do you do that? Let’s say you are in the third age. You are 56 or 57. Your husband has either croaked or gone off with somebody.
Sunny Hersh: They do that an awful lot. Don’t they?
David Debin: I know. It is very inconvenient.
Sunny Hersh: But actually the numbers are evening out now.
David Debin: They are? Because women work as hard as men nowadays, is that it?
Sunny Hersh: That and men are looking after themselves a little bit more, especially you wonderful boomer men.
David Debin: Oh, okay. So the husband has done something. He has gone somewhere. Maybe he has gone off with another guy for all we know.
Sunny Hersh: Yeah, whatever, that happens.
David Debin: So then how is this woman supposed to…Is she supposed to go on some kind of a website, find a guy, and then shack up with him? The way you say it is like, “Get out there, say yes, and make sure you use a condom.” Is that it?
Sunny Hersh: No, I mean really what I mostly talk about is when you are already in a relationship.
David Debin: Ah, well, make that clear for us. How does that work?
Sunny Hersh: I have been married for 33 years and we’ve got it going on. How do we do that? We might order something from a catalog. We might read something erotic. We might watch something. You need to do a little supplementation. You know what I am saying?
David Debin: I know what you are saying but I am not…
Peter Brill: Let me give you some permission here. We have had this husband and wife team on here who used to work at one of the big retreat center who are both sex therapists. So you can be graphic and
Sunny Hersh: I know. They have a book like “The Three Hour Orgasm” or something. Right?
Peter Brill: Right. So you don’t have to worry about being concrete and specific.
Sunny Hersh: Right
Peter Brill: So what do people do? Give us an example. What do people do?
Sunny Hersh: If they are not comfortable watching erotic films; in my book I have a whole list of regular release films that have sexy vibes to them and sexy parts. You could start there, if you are squeamish. If you are ready for the next level there are a whole bunch of – I like to call it erotic not pornographic- films that both men and women can enjoy together. I have a list of those in “Is It Hot in Here” and I think that is a great place to start, or some of the classic erotic literature.
Peter Brill: Sunny let me take you back a second. Let’s start with the attitude. What you’re basically saying, first, is that to a certain extent some women have been focused outwards in many different ways and may be not as accepting of their own sexuality by the time they hit midlife. Is that…?
Sunny Hersh: Exactly, that is true.
Peter Brill: Okay, you start in your book- in an unbelievably positive way- you start talking about why women fake orgasm.
Sunny Hersh: Yes
Peter Brill: Why do they?
Sunny Hersh: Particularly, when you are married with kids very often sex is just like one more thing on your to do list. It is like wham bam. You are looking at your watch. “I need to pick the kids up at soccer and oh, oh, oh I am done.” That is not good though because you are teaching the wrong thing. You are responding and you are teaching by your response that that is how long it takes.
Peter Brill: You are teaching your husband you mean.
Sunny Hersh: You are teaching your husband or your partner that I can come in three and a half second and you can’t usually.
Peter Brill: So if you mislead them in terms of…
Sunny Hersh: That’s right that is the biggest problem with it.
Peter Brill: by pretending what they will do is they will become misinformed and they won’t learn how to please you.
Sunny Hersh: Think where most men learned to make love. They learned watching pornography, today anyway. Pornography is a fantasy. It is not true. They don’t show what really happens between real men and women. So if you go along with that image you are misleading the person that you are with. You are lying basically. Thinking is lying.
Peter Brill: Then you talk about teaching, how to teach your partner what you enjoy.
Sunny Hersh: Right, you just have to kind of slow everything down. Light the candles. Get out the massage oil. Massage is a wonderful way to teach someone what you like. I have a game in there called the blind fold sex game. For some reason when you have a blind fold on, and especially if you say that neither one of you can talk, it is okay to direct the other person and direct their hands because you can’t talk. It gives people permission to do what they need to do and show what they need to show.
Peter Brill: It takes away the visual so they get more in touch with their bodies.
Sunny Hersh: Exactly, and that is the whole thing with tantric sex. People go to a workshop for tantric sex; which is a whole discipline. Basically, what the take away message for the couple is that if you take away some of the normal stimuli and just stare into each others eyes or don’t stare into each others eyes, just have total darkness. Just try different things. Change it up. We have all read these a million times in women’s magazines. Which I think is kind of funny that women’s magazines are where we read this. But now I think in Men’s Health you see many of the same things.
Peter Brill: Well one of the things you do in your book is you point out the difference in the advice men get in their magazines and women get. Maybe you could say a word or two about that before the break.
Sunny Hersh: Well, in Maxim it is basically promoting the “wham bam thank you ma’am” thing. Hello, that is not going to cut it in 33 years of marriage. After the first three thousand times that you have sex I think maybe you might have to study up.
David Debin: First three thousand? What number are you at Marissa?
Marissa: It is a secret.
David Debin: What did she say?
Marissa: It is secret.
David Debin: Isn’t that like asking a woman what her weight is?
Peter Brill: Let me ask you this Marissa. Can you count it on both hands and feet?
Sunny Hersh: They way I came up with that figure is fifty two weeks a year twice a week.
Peter Brill: There you go.
Sunny Hersh: I mean, hello.
Peter Brill: All right, so we are going to come back
David Debin: With the same person?
Peter Brill: We will talk a lot more about relationships from the male’s point of view. So stay tuned. We are going to hear about use of various medications and so forth. We will be right back with “The Third Age”.
David Debin: All right we are back. This is “The Third Age “ radio show where people in the third age come to talk, and fetch, and drewl. I am David Debin.
David Debin: I even got the doctor to laugh on that one.
We are talking to the very interesting, amusing, and very insightful Sunny Hersh; who is an author. Her book is called “Is It Hot In Here Or Am I Just Hot”. She is explaining to us what this late life sex can be like.
Sunny Hersh: Hi. I have heard that the biggest problem in nursing homes is that there is too much sexual shenanigans going on.
David Debin: That is true.
Peter Brill: How could there be too much?
David Debin: Well, it is because they are getting STDs. That is the problem.
Sunny Hersh: Yeah, who would have thunk hugh?
Peter Brill: Is it going to shorten there life?
Marissa: Make it uncomfortable
David Debin: Let’s put it this way it is uncomfortable.
Peter Brill: Make it uncomfortable. We don’t want to be uncomfortable.
David Debin: We are talking about all of this interesting stuff about keeping sex hot and keeping your life passionate; but we want to make sure that we are focused on our audience who is the third age. For instance. you were talking about watching pornography or x-rated , R-rated, something really juicy to get you steamed up a little bit. I am sure most people do it at one time or another. What I am asking is, if you are in the third age say and you are 60 years old isn’t it more intimidating to see two perfect looking young people having this kind of sexual thing where the woman is thinking, “Oh my god, is my husband still going to like me because I don’t look like any more?” How wdo you deal with that.
Sunny Hersh: First of all, when you walk by like a shop window and you see yourself in the window, don’t you look in there and go, “Who the heck is that old geezer?”
David Debin: Yes, I do.
Peter Brill: How did my father get in that window?
Sunny Hersh: I don’t see myself that way. When my daughter got married in September and when I saw the pictures I was like, “Is that me?” I am still me when I was 25 years old.
David Debin: You are saying that basically when you are with your partner, your husband, your wife, or whatever, that it is not the actual physical aspect that is what initially turns you on it is the aspect of intimacy that leads into the physical thing. Is that what you are trying to say?
Sunny Hersh: That is the way, I think, people as they age feel more and more that way. Look you guys are out in the land of amazing looking people. When I was out in San Diego I was driving along and I saw somebody running along the side of the road. He was in fantastic shape. He was tan.
David Debin: Did you reach out and slap him?
Sunny Hersh: He had these tiny little shorts on and all these muscles. As I drove by I saw his face and it was like, “Oh my God, the guy is like in his seventies at least.” That is California. You guys got the corner on that.
David Debin: But we have listeners all over the world actually.
Sunny Hersh: Yes, but you know what I am talking about. You see this babe walking down the street and you are like, “whoa” and she turns around and you realize wow.
David Debin: : She is thirty-eight.
Sunny Hersh: She ain’t no spring chicken.
David Debin: She is thirty-eight already.
Peter Brill: But to go back to the question, part of it is the intimacy and the depth and so for but she is much more practical in your books, honey, than that. For example, there are a lot of guys who by the time they are in their sixties are having erectile problems.
Sunny Hersh: Yeah, fifty percent.
Peter Brill: So you are talking about the use of Viagra and which pill is better for what. Then there’s this new fabulous stuff that is in the third stage of approval.
Sunny Hersh: Yes
David Debin: I see in your book where you called Viagra “the big blue elephant in the bedroom” .
Sunny Hersh: Yes
David Debin: Well, I never turned blue.
Sunny Hersh: Did you see blue?
David Debin: No. What does that mean “the big blue elephant”?
Sunny Hersh: Sometimes when people take Viagra they have a little blue tinge to their vision.
Peter Brill: Yeah, but why the big blue elephant?
Sunny Hersh: Well, because there are so many things in life and in marriage particularly that, it is there, it is huge, but you don’t talk about it. So typically there will be “the problem”. You know what I mean by “the problem”, ED. You will have an incident, “Okay, no problem, next time.” It happens again. So this time he stops touching you. He stops being affectionate because he doesn’t want to “start something he can’t finish”. It gets to be like a whole head trip. A whole game that you are playing with yourself and that in itself causes ED because you are thinking about it. That, as a matter of fact, is the kind of ED that the medications are the most successful in helping with because: you take, you and your partner are a team, you know you are doing it, you time it, you do what you have to do in terms of what you eat, you know there are all kinds of things about that, and then as a team you have a successful experience. So you gain confidence. Sometimes you don’t have to use the medication then because you have gotten over that head game thing.
David Debin: What about people who use who don’t have that problem. Just use it to…
Marissa: Last longer?
Peter Brill: What is this California? This is California this recreational drug use.
David Debin: Yeah right, we take everything.
Sunny Hersh: Recreational dug use, yeah. Well, and particularly when you have a guy who is married to a much younger women ; which is, hello, California.
David Debin: We don’t have that in Santa Barbara do we? Doctor Brill do we have any of that?
Peter Brill: Oh no.
David Debin: Okay
Peter Brill: Only if they have more than a certain number of millions.
Sunny Hersh: Actually, when you saw patients Doctor Brill did you ask them, “How is your sex life? What is going on?”
Peter Brill: Of course.
Sunny Hersh: Did you?
Peter Brill: Yeah, I have a very funny story where I asked…
Sunny Hersh: How many doctors do you think do?
Peter Brill: Very very few.
Sunny Hersh: Hello?
Peter Brill: It is one of the major problems that we have with the whole medical approach. The doctors are embarrassed about it. The patients are embarrassed. Many many guys are terribly terribly embarrassed. The level of ignorance… That is why I started with the orgasm thing; which is wonderful in your book. There is a certain percentage of women who have never had an orgasm and it is fairly high actually.
Sunny Hersh: Yep
Peter Brill: So you have a whole scheme there, which is wonderful, about women if they haven’t, how to figure out how to do it and how to teach their husbands. We have got to get over this shame about sex, about asking about it and learning to enjoy it as much as we can. In the third age it is a predictor of how long you live.
Sunny Hersh: I think my kids are a lot savvier than I was at their age. I think they know some of the things that happen; and what is normal and what is not. Because people are more wide open about it so you can read more about it.
Peter Brill: Marissa is that true? Are the people more open in their relationships about sex.
Marissa: Well, my friends talk about it. I don’t know. It’s not…
Peter Brill: The women always talk about it. We are not talking about that.
Sunny Hersh: They didn’t always talk about it. They didn’t.
Peter Brill: The boys and the girls talk about it with each other, the boys and their girl friends or whatever.
Marissa: In my relationship we do. So?
Peter Brill: And do most of your friends talk?
Marissa: I think so.
Peter Brill: Well, that is very good.
David Debin: Your not being very talkative about it Marissa.
Marissa: I know. I am not.
David Debin: You seem like you are shying away from the conversation for some reason.
Sunny Hersh: I think a lot more guys today know what they need to do if they want to give their girlfriend an orgasm. I hate to use that phrase, but if they want to be part of that process they know what to do. I think a lot more young guys know than our boomer guys did when they started out.
David Debin: I think you are right. I think you are absolutely right about that.
Peter Brill: Well we are going to have a major eruption right now. We are going to stop and hear from our sponsors.
David Debin: That is not the right word for this time.
Peter Brill: I know David. I chose my words carefully.
Sunny Hersh: We are going to have an added interruption.
Peter Brill: We will be right back with “The Third Age”.
David Debin: Welcome back to “The Third Age” where third agers come to… What? Fill in the blank. Come to fake orgasms. Okay. This is David Debin. I am here with Doctor Peter Brill and Marissa Skoalpasi. We are talking to the delightful and very well informed Sunny Hersh. Whose book is called “Is It Hot In Here Or Am I Just Hot?” and you can probably get it on her website which is www.sunyhersh.com or you could probably find it at Amazon too.
David Debin: Welcome back to the show Sunny Hersh.
Sunny Hersh: Thanks, I am glad to be here again.
David Debin: Peter?
Peter Brill: Well, you had a topic you wanted to cover. Right? Which is older women.
Sunny Hersh: Yeah, “Here is to you Mrs. Robinson”
David Debin: Oh good, okay.
Sunny Hersh: I mean, fifty percent of women do have some desire problems after forty. There are problems with that.
Peter Brill: When you say desire problems you mean they don’t have enough desire?
Sunny Hersh: They’re not in the mood, yeah.
Peter Brill: Yeah
Sunny Hersh: To those women I would say even if you wouldn’t do anything about your hormones at least get a blood test and find out where your hormones are at, you know, your estrogen, your progesterone, and your testosterone. Even if you wouldn’t do anything about it just have it tested so you see where it is at. If it is very very low at least you know why you are not in the mood. That is why. Okay?
Other than that there are these women out there who…What happens is women become more like men in some sense as they age; which is why we get whiskers on our chin which is a major major pain in the but. In the balance of estrogen and testosterone- now all the hormones decrease but the relationship between estrogen and testosterone becomes more equal. You understand what I am saying?
David Debin: Yep
Sunny Hersh: That is first of all why we won’t take any crap from anyone.
Sunny Hersh: That is also why you have like, you know, Stacey’s mom has got it going on. Have you ever heard the expression a milth?
David Debin: Yes
Peter Brill: Yes
Sunny Hersh: Okay so you know what I am talking about. You know kind of a man eating midlife momma there, red hot momma. Kind of like, hey, just looking to get a little sex on the resume. So you do have a number of those ladies out there. Usually when I do an event one of those ladies will come up and talk to me afterwards. The biggest problem is finding guys that still want to get it on.
Peter Brill: What is the easiest way to find those ladies?
Sunny Hersh: You are married, so, you know.
Peter Brill: No, this is for my friend.
Sunny Hersh: I know you are strictly interested in that as a journalist.
Peter Brill: Yes
Marissa: Yeah, a journalist.
Sunny Hersh: You know, those ladies that come to a parry and kind of look in your eyes a little longer than usual. They are kind of checking out your butt and this kind of thing. They are out there.
I love the websites. I have heard many wonderful stories of people meeting their soul mate on Eharmony, and on Match.com and this kind of thing. But you have to be very careful talking about sex when you are on one of those sites.
David Debin: That is good advice.
Sunny Hersh: Yes
David Debin: That is very good advice.
Sunny Hersh: There’s a whole chapter in the book about how to be safe when you are looking for somebody on these sites because you have to be… First of all use a dating site. Do not go on unregulated things on the internet because that is how you can really get in trouble. Dating sites have safety features in play to shield your identity from the people that you are in touch with.
David Debin: That is really good advice because I know a number of people who- single people in the third age- who very innocently use those dating sites. I don’t know if they use the other sites at all . But still, the advice not to get into sexual conversations I think is very very well taken.
Sunny Hersh: You have to be very very careful. I mean, hello, the age of Aquarius is over.
David Debin: Now I am crying.
Peter Brill: By the way, for the women who lack desire there is a new drug that is in the third stage of coming out PT141.
Sunny Hersh: It is for men also.
Peter Brill: Yeah
Sunny Hersh: bremelanotide
Peter Brill: Yeah
Sunny Hersh: Now there was just a set back in the process.
David Debin: Is this like Spanish Fly?
Peter Brill: It is very close. You spray it in somebody’s nasal.
Sunny Hersh: It is a nose spray.
Peter Brill: You just walk up to somebody at a party and you just…
David Debin: Oh my, where do you get this stuff?
Sunny Hersh: You snort it.
David Debin: Where do you get it?
Peter Brill: You can’t get it yet.
Sunny Hersh: Yeah
Peter Brill: Maybe in England, I think.
Sunny Hersh: They just had a little bit of a setback in that there is a decreased risk of depression.
David Debin: Well people are going to be depressed if they don’t get some.
Sunny Hersh: Hello.
David Debin: So let’s make it a win win here.
Sunny Hersh: It is a win win for men. If you go on the site…
David Debin: What is the site?
Sunny Hersh: Just put in bremelanotide.
David Debin: How do you spell it?
Sunny Hersh: b r e m e l a n o t i d e
David Debin: Okay great. Thank you.
Sunny Hersh: In men it creates desire and it creates an erection that is rated on a scale of 1 to 6 as a 7. In women it is the first thing that has shown an ability to help women have desire.
David Debin: Wow!
Sunny Hersh: I mean, I wan to be the guy selling this drug.
David Debin: Absolutely. This is going to be bigger than Viagra.
Peter Brill: Yeah, it is.
Sunny Hersh: This is going to be huge.
Peter Brill: Except you are going to have – I mean, talk about people drugging drinks – You are going to have people at the bars spraying each other.
Sunny Hersh: Honestly, it is going to be like a date drug. “here just have some of this, baby”.
David Debin: Is this a physer, some big pharmaceutical that is doing it.
Sunny Hersh: It is a small company and they are partnering with a company called “King Pharmaceuticals”.
David Debin: I am investing. You got me.
Sunny Hersh: It is going to be huge when it finally gets released but, of course, the FDA is kind of limping a little bit right now because, you know…
David Debin: They’ve tried it and the erection lasted to long.
Peter Brill: No, it has side effects.
Marissa: It is kind of conservative more or less.
Sunny Hersh: And it might have a tendency to raise people’s blood pressure, so you have to watch out for that too. They have had some...
Peter Brill: Well my blood pressure goes up when I have sex.
David Debin: Hopefully
Marissa: I know.
David Debin: Certainly you get stupider.
Sunny Hersh: You get stupider there is no doubt.
Peter Brill: Sunny we have about a minute or so left. Anything you would like to say at the end here? Any closing words?
Sunny Hersh: My closing words would be, the sexiest thing you could possible do it to fall in love with your own life.
David Debin: Yes
Peter Brill: Yep
Sunny Hersh: Move your own life forward and you will…You know they say, “ a rising tide raises all ships” and when you move your own life forward you move everything forward. Everyone around you will respect you more and they will come along with you on your journey towards you j-spot, you know.
Peter Brill: Yeah, that is in her book. She is talking about your j-spot.
Sunny Hersh: Yeah, your joy spot. You guys totally have the right idea.
Peter Brill: Sunny we want to really thank you so much for coming on the show today and being very entertaining and very informative. You do read a lot.
Sunny Hersh: I do.
Peter Brill: It is a wonderful book people “Is It Hot In Here Or Am I Just Hot?” It is a funny title but Sunny Hersh has a lot of very very practical information.
Thank you so much for coming on the show today.
Sunny Hersh: My pleasure and come to sunnyhersh.com.
David Debin: We will be there.
Sunny Hersh: Thanks
Peter Brill: We will be right back.
David Debin: We are back with “The Third Age” where third agers come to talk, learn, and listen. I am David Debin the man from Hollywood and I am here with the doctor, Dr. Peter Brill. And Marissa Sclebossie; who sort of disappeared when we started talking about the sexual things.
Peter Brill: Marissa we are a little worried about you. We pay you for this time, as David was pointing out.
David Debin: Now Peter you are a psychiatrist and…
Peter Brill: You want me to diagnose this?
David Debin: Well I would like to see how you handle this.
Peter Brill: Marissa let me ask you a question? Your reticence, what is your reticence?
Marissa: I am just trying to embrace the wisdom of you guys, just kidding. [Laughter]
Peter Brill: No, that is called buying off the therapist.
Marissa: I know. Here is some money. Maybe it is the catholic guilts of talking openly about something you are not supposed to.
Peter Brill: About sex. See that is what we were saying on the show.
Peter Brill: See it hasn’t changed that much.
Marissa: No, it hasn’t.
Peter Brill: People are still resistant. It starts when they are young. There have been studies of this. The culture has not changed as much as we think it has and it is a shame. Especially, a shame for people in their third age because, you know, what possible harm can there be from having a good wonderful sex life?
Marissa: Yeah, at least the media now is really open about it so I guess it is not as…
Peter Brill: The media is more open.
Peter Brill: That is a good question.
David Debin: But how do you feel? I mean, for instance, is it easier to talk about with women than with men?
Marissa: Yes, I think so because it is more fun and we can joke about it instead of…
David Debin: Why is it ? You can’t joke about it with a man isn’t that true?
Marissa: Yeah, not as much because usually the jokes aren’t as…
Peter Brill: Flattering to the men.
Marissa: Yeah, flattering.
David Debin: But I do know women who joke about it, even when the jokes are on themselves, they joke about it.
David Debin: But men don’t really joke about it. Do we Peter?
Peter Brill: I am going to talk about the workshop.
David Debin: Oh, okay.
Marissa: Oh, I am just kidding.
Peter Brill: We tortured Marissa long enough.
David Debin: Okay
Peter Brill: We are having a workshop on February 23rd and Antioch College. It is being shown to help many people who are stuck at getting going at what they want to be doing at this stage in their life and for some to figure out what they want to do and then to get going. It includes things from: careers, marriage, relationships, all kinds of different areas. It doesn’t matter what you are struggling with or what you want to accomplish or what your unfinished business is. This workshop has helped many many people deal with that.
The way to enroll and the way to find out about it is to go on our website at www. thirdagefoundation.com or to give us a call at 969-9794.
David Debin: Yeah, come on we will have a good time. If you enjoyed the show today, you will enjoy the workshop.
Peter Brill: Yeah, you will. Well, we had a wonderful show today. Tune in next week or next time for another travel into “The Third Age”.