Episode 50: Kim Switnicki, Sex Educator, Bares All About How to Have the Best Orgasms You’ve Ever Had!
Have you ever thought you “just can’ have an orgasm”? Have you ever wondered just what a G-spot orgasm really is? Well get ready for some great insight and answers in this very informative and juicy interview with Sex Educator and Coach Kim Switnicki who is the author of The G-Spot Play Guide. Kim gives us the simple steps to finding our G-spots and how to deal with obstacles that might get in the way of us achieving Maximum Pleasure! From being distracted during sex to “leaking bladder” issues, Kim offers practical and useful tools to combat these and other possible obstacles to our sexual empowerment.
Alissa Kriteman: Welcome to Just For Women: Dating, Relationships and Sex. I’m your host Alissa Kriteman. This show is dedicated to empowering women on important issues that we face today, such as financial stability, understanding men, exploring out sexuality and how to make love last and a whole lot more. Today on the show I’m happy to welcome Kim Switnicki. That is such a fun name to say. She’s a sex educator, speaker and coach who’s going to talk to us about how we can empower ourselves to understand our g-spot and how to have the best sex we’ve ever had.
Kim Switnicki: One thing that you can consider trying is using a blindfold. It’s amazing how your inhibitions shift when you either have a blindfold on yourself or on your lover because men are visual and men often make love with their eyes open and women often have their eyes closed. And so if you put a blindfold, a nice sexy mask on your partner, on your lover, then you may be surprised at what you’re willing to then ask for.
Kim Switnicki: For the most part, assuming you’re healthy and you don’t have serious incontinence issues, there’s a bladder sphincter that shuts down the bladder when you orgasm, so you cannot urinate and orgasm at the same time. There is fluid that can be ejaculated from women and it comes out the urethral opening. It’s a bit thinner than our vaginal fluid, it’s a bit musky scented, it’s not urine, it’s the same fluid as male ejaculate but there’s not sperm in it.
Kim Switnicki: Orgasm is a series of muscle contractions. So the more toned your muscles are, the more intense your experience of orgasm is going to be. Also, if you have tight pelvic floor muscles you can squeeze your partner, and that whole squeezing of the muscles and doing that rhythmic squeeze while you’re having intercourse really can improve your chances of being orgasmic while you’re having intercourse as well.
Alissa Kriteman: Today we’re going to talk about how to unleash our sexual desire, how to deal with sexual snafus, and again we’re going to talk about g-spot orgasm in particular, as well as female ejaculation. So Kim Switnicki, thank you so much for being on Just For Women today.
Kim Switnicki: Oh, thank you Alissa. It’s awesome to be here.
Alissa Kriteman: Now you have to tell us where your name comes from, it’s such a fun name, Switnicki.
Kim Switnicki: Yes, it’s actually my father in law is Ukrainian, so that’s where it comes from, and they’re, I’m from Canada and there’re probably only three or four of us in the whole entire country.
Alissa Kriteman: I love it. I love it. Okay, great. Let me tell the audience a little bit about you. Kim Switnicki from the Ukraine is a sex educator. She offers workshops through her company, Lioness For Lovers. She’s also a sex and intimacy coach working with both individuals and couples. She’s a professional speaker on the subject of human sexuality and women’s sexuality issues in particular. She also wrote a book, The G-spot Play Guide. And Kim’s website, we’ll learn more about her website a little later, but I must say, it’s chock full of information, audio clips, e-zine, her blog, and so her site alone is very informative. So Kim, thanks for having so much information online.
Kim Switnicki: No problem. No problem at all, and that was one thing that I really wanted to do. I set out when I started my website, lionessforlovers.com, I thought, wow, there are so many questions women have and they don’t really know where to turn, and, you know, maybe they don’t even want to make a phone call, so I thought lets just get as much information out there as possible so that they have access to it.
Alissa Kriteman: Exactly, and I know I’d appreciate that and I’m sure women who might be a little tentative to explore or admit they might be having some sexual dysfunction or just questions in general, so you make it very easy for us to find the answers we’re looking for in a very discreet way. So thank you. Alright so, your approach to women’s empowerment is very focused. Tell us a little bit about your approach to women’s empowerment.
Kim Switnicki: Well really, it’s sort of going back to the basics where there is a lot of information online and around and there are sex therapists, and I really, I did some sex therapy training and I realized pretty quickly I didn’t want to do that because to me it really comes down to the basics of what is, what is going on with women with their bodies and that connection just to their bodies and really getting in touch with what’s the vulva, what’s going on between my legs, what is that down there because it was always the illusive ‘down there’, and women grew up with ‘down there’, it was this really dark mystery.
Alissa Kriteman: Right.
Kim Switnicki: And so I thought, well lets just start getting connected with down there and naming the parts and seeing them and really getting comfortable with it because as in with most things once you’re comfortable with who you are and all of those parts of you, then you can start to offer something to another person and thereby having an incredible intimate relationship.
Alissa Kriteman: Well it’s almost as though there’s a brick wall between, you know, like right where our tummy’s are, and to actually get down there, get through the shame and the fear, all of those things…
Kim Switnicki: Yes.
Alissa Kriteman: So what are some ways we can do to get down there?
Kim Switnicki: Well it’s really interesting I think. One thing that I absolutely love about the work that I do is that your past sexual history or intimate relationship, even with yourself, doesn’t need to be great. Most of us unfortunately, us being women, and I speak for women in this case, have not had or have had maybe one or two or more situations to do with sexuality that weren’t great growing up, and the thing that I think is so wonderful, and my husband often says, is it’s not what has happened to you or even what’s happening now, even if you’re having a really uncomfortable relationship with your vagina or your vulva, it’s really what you do with it that is the most important thing, that’s the powerful key to having that connection, and so even though you might’ve had just negative, terrible, horrible thoughts and really weird beliefs and whatever it is that’s happened to you, it can change right now, and one of the ways to start doing that is just seriously, just to get a mirror. Whether it’s a makeup mirror or a little compact from your purse, have some quiet time where you’re not going to be interrupted, and sit down and really get to know down there, really get to looking at your vulva, what’s going on, what are the colors, what does it look like, learn the parts and really start to get to know that part of yourself. You might want to write it a letter, you might want to sing it a song, whatever sort of creative way you have of expressing yourself and really start that connection by just taking a look.
Alissa Kriteman: I really like that. I remember I took a course a few years back here in San Francisco Bay area of course where it’s very progressive…
Kim Switnicki: Yes.
Alissa Kriteman: and it really was, it really was life changing for me to actually do that, and it’s very confronting, it’s very confronting to live in a world where we’re not necessarily supported in tapping into our sexualities and our bodies, and so what do you suggest for women who might be having difficulty just taking that first step?
Kim Switnicki: And the interesting thing about that is, is that’s something that if you notice that you’re having difficulty, really pay attention to that, and just instead of shutting down, just say, “Okay”, just notice, you don’t have to judge it, just this means that, “Okay, I’m having trouble, so maybe I should look at that”, and just kind of consider that. And it’s not a bad thing, it’s a really common thing. There are women in their 50’s and 60’s that they may wash themselves but they’ve never actually looked at their vulvas or their vaginas. And so what I would recommend is to just write it a letter, just sit down and just start to write a little bit about why this, you know, why does this feel this way and what might this be, and if I could write a letter to my vulva what would I want to say, and to really get connected with do I want to maybe not hurt her feelings or is it male or is it female, what does it mean that I maybe am uncomfortable even undressing and taking a look, and maybe you just want to be in a bathtub would be another option and just, you know, wash yourself, you don’t even have to look, but maybe just feel or just feel the water around you and feel, you know, is the water caressing me, is it uncomfortable, what is that relationship between me being in the water and my body and what’s really happening, and even just thinking about it and just allowing yourself the opportunity to just notice it and recognize it without judging it because it’s part of who you are and it’s part of, it’s sort of a culmination of the relationship that you’ve had with your sexuality, that’s kind of at the heart of it, so just noticing it is really, really key and not giving yourself a hassle around it.
Alissa Kriteman: I like that, I like that. That’s a nice tender approach to reconnecting with our sexuality. You know, you mentioned a minute ago about you didn’t want to get into sex therapy training or sex therapy. What’s the difference between sex and intimacy coaching and sex therapy?
Kim Switnicki: That’s a really good question Alissa. It’s, the thing with therapy, and there is a time and a place absolutely, and at least because I have that training I can recognize, okay, maybe there’s some therapy required. However, for the most part with women needing to connect with their sexuality, even if you had abuse or issues that may require in your mind some therapy, it may not be the case because therapy looks at the past, therapy for the most part is very past focused and oriented and it looks back at your family of origin, your mother, your father, your siblings, what happened when you were younger, and sort of you may be having an occasion to live through things and it’s very past focused, where coaching is more a solution focused basis where we look at now, what’s happening with you right now and what do you have that’s working, lets do more of that, and what isn’t working and what can we do to make it better in the future. So to oversimplify it greatly, therapy generally goes past and into your past and dredges through things, and that’s where I just didn’t want to be going through people’s pasts, and the past is not a, you know, if you think about The Secret and the law of attraction, the past is not an awesome place to be in, and now and looking towards the future is very empowering because the past really truly doesn’t matter. It’s what you’re doing with it right now and how you can carry what you want into the future.
Alissa Kriteman: Yeah, it’s that thing in the mind where it’s the shift in perspective it sounds like. It’s like, okay, maybe there was some sexual trauma, abuse even, which I know from the research that I’ve done and the experts that I’ve interviewed that a lot of sexual dysfunction for women and men comes from abuse and trauma that happened in the past. So, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that’s where we’re going to focus, yeah, we’ll acknowledge it, but so you’re saying, yeah, lets focus on the now. Okay, if our muscles are contracted and we’re having issues, what can we do right now and forgive whoever we need to and move on.
Kim Switnicki: Yes, exactly, and the power of the human mind is incredible. You know what you need to do way better than I do, and therapy is also a model where you have someone telling you and suggesting, whereas with coaching it’s really helping you find your own answers. And I also because of my background can give you some guidance, direction, perhaps some exercises to do, but it’s really helping you tap into your own greatness and what do you need to do for yourself ‘cause you’re the expert on you by far, better than anybody else.
Alissa Kriteman: I love that, I love that. Okay, so what would you offer to a woman, talking about the mind, who would think she can’t orgasm, and is there really an issues, are there women who can’t orgasm or is it just a function of the mind?
Kim Switnicki: Well, it’s, that’s another good question. Really, the first thing that I recommend is you get checked out by your doctor because there is the odd occasion where if a woman doesn’t have a clitoris, that can really impede her ability to have an orgasm. Most women have a clitoris, especially in this part of the world we’re very fortunate we get to keep ours…
Alissa Kriteman: Yeah.
Kim Switnicki: when we’re born, which is a whole other conversation but…
Alissa Kriteman: Mm hmm.
Kim Switnicki: where the inner lips of the vulva join at the very top is where the clitoris is, and there are 8,000 nerve endings in the glands of that clitoris, the little part, the little nubby that you may feel, and that’s the most concentrated amount of nerve endings in the entire human anatomy, so it’s very powerful, and it’s designed for sexual pleasure, that’s it’s absolutely only purpose is sexual pleasure for a woman, that’s what it’s for. So we are given the incredible gift when we’re born of this clitoris, and in actual fact, men start out with a clitoris in the womb and then it grows into a penis. But we’re given that gift of being allowed to have sexual pleasure and the ability to have sexual pleasure, so women, for the most part, unless there’s something quite extraordinary about you physically, we all have the ability to orgasm, and there are women that, I call them pre-orgasmic, some, you know, textbooks will call it inorgasmia or the inability, you know, not to be able to orgasm, but to me they just haven’t had one yet, and it’s just a question of getting rid of some beliefs and getting that connection, that mind/body connection. It’s amazing, women are really good at taking care of other people and nurturing other people and really cutting themselves off from their bodies and just taking care of others. And so it’s really the getting introspective and getting that mind/body connection because we do make love with our minds, especially women, it’s very much a mental, emotional thing, and once you get that connection happening and allow that and give yourself permission and go through all of those steps and you can really tap into some powerful stuff and start to become more orgasmic.
Alissa Kriteman: Lets talk about that. Lets talk about the power of orgasm. What are some of the benefits, the health benefits of being orgasmic?
Kim Switnicki: Wow, and actually on my blog I do have a top ten health benefits of sex, and there are studies now that have been proven that you will live longer if you are more orgasmic and make love more. Now I’m going to qualify that a little bit because for women it seems to be it’s the quality of the sexual experience. If you just go and have some quick orgasms, and there are women that can do that, it may not be as powerful, but your sexual energy is you chi, it’s your life force, it’s what keeps you vital and strong, so the more orgasms, the more sexual interplay you’re having, whether it’s resulting in orgasm or not, the healthier you will be in general and you will live longer. And orgasm really shouldn’t be the goal, the focus of a sexual exchange of any sort whether you’re male or female, and a lot of that is that that pressure can really be what inhibits women to having orgasm.
Alissa Kriteman: Yeah.
Kim Switnicki: Or their partner really wants them to have an orgasm, that’s the number one thing that men love, formally and informally studies have shown men love to have their partner orgasm.
Alissa Kriteman: Yes, ‘cause they’re big producers, right? They just want to please us and…
Kim Switnicki: They do, absolutely. And so faking the orgasm really defeats that purpose. And a lot of women are faking it in order to please their partner when in fact their partners really wanting them to be pleased, and it’s a real, I mean, this is the most intimate thing that you can do with another human being. And if it’s, if you’re lying in that situation, it really, it interrupts that flow of intimacy and connection ‘cause you’re not fully being there, and so you’re way better off just accepting, hey, you know, I just don’t think it’s going to happen tonight, if you’re stressed or you’re tired or there’s just too much going on, being able to say, “You know honey, I really appreciate the effort and that’s awesome, but it’s just not going to happen”, because it’s up to the woman. If you don’t allow the orgasm, he can be doing everything perfect and it’s not going to happen. So…
Alissa Kriteman: Interesting. So you’re saying we literally have control over whether or not we have an orgasm.
Kim Switnicki: Absolutely with no question. It really frustrates me when I hear women talk about their great lovers and, “Oh, he was great. I could orgasm every time and now with this particular person maybe not”, and it’s great to give credit to a great love because, I mean, if you have a great lover that’s awesome, but you have to take full credit, every orgasm you’ve every had was absolutely your doing. And so it’s great to attribute it to a partner and say, “Yes, he helped”, but it was up to you every single time.
Alissa Kriteman: Well that puts us on the spot. No more blaming these lovers that we think aren’t, I’m going to check myself too.
Kim Switnicki: Well yeah, I mean he can be fumbling around and just bumping around and not knowing what he’s doing, but if you’re really into it, you’re going to have an orgasm. No question.
Alissa Kriteman: Yeah. Or not, you know, oh my gosh.
Kim Switnicki: Exactly.
Alissa Kriteman: Alright, good stuff. It’s starting to get all sweaty over here. Alright, well lets take a break, and when we come back I want to talk more about the g-spot, female ejaculation. This is Alissa Kriteman, your host of Just For Women: Dating, Relationships and Sex. I’m with Kim Switnicki, sex educator, speaker and coach, talking about how we can really tap into ourselves, our bodies, our sexual energy, which is our life force and how important that is, and we’ll be right back.
Alissa Kriteman: Welcome back to Just For Women. I’m your host Alissa Kriteman. We’re speaking with Kim Switnicki, sex educator, speaker and coach, talking about g-spots and orgasm, and really the big piece of the last segment is we really are responsible for our orgasm, and you know Kim, as empowered women and constantly growing and evolving as empowered women, that’s such an important thing, responsibility, that there’s no external factors really if you think about it, that we are the divine creators of how our lives are going to go, especially our sexual satisfaction, so I really appreciate you saying that because it can be kind of edgy, you know, to be that bold and to say, you know, if we’re going to be empowered modern women, we have to step up and own all aspects of our lives.
Kim Switnicki: Absolutely.
Alissa Kriteman: Alright, so lets talk a little bit more about the g-spot and anatomy. So how would we find the g-spot?
Kim Switnicki: The g-spot, it’s one of those things that we all have a g-spot, all of us being women. Men have a g-spot too, that’s kind of fun too. But for women it’s essentially, and it’s the same tissue in both male and female. In men it’s the prostate tissue, in women it’s the urethral sponge tissue. It doesn’t sound very sexy; however it’s quite fun. If, the trick to g-spot, to finding it is, there are a few. One of them is you really should have an empty bladder. Now this isn’t appropriate for all women because some women actually enjoy the feeling of a fully bladder when they’re making love, it gives them a little bit of extra pressure and they like that sensation, so it’s not a rule hard and fast, but it’s a good idea when you’re exploring to empty your bladder so you don’t have anything else interrupting the feelings.
Alissa Kriteman: Okay.
Kim Switnicki: And also the g-spot is most easily felt when you’re aroused. If you’re not aroused and you just slip your finger in and you’re digging around and you’re trying to find something that feels good, that’s probably not going to happen.
Alissa Kriteman: That sounds painful.
Kim Switnicki: Yeah, it wouldn’t be fun. So make sure that you’re aroused. You may want to have had an orgasm, perhaps a clitoral orgasm first or two, or have been making love or just had the great fortune to have had, you know, fifteen, twenty minutes, an hour of foreplay, so you’re really turned on. Then if you were to lay on your back and your partner were to slip their finger inside of you, perhaps their middle finger which is the longer usually, and make sure that it’s lubricated or that you’re lubricated and hopefully after an hour of foreplay you’re lubricated, slip their finger in and then you kind of aim towards the belly button and you do that come hither motion and you kind of crook your finger and you kind of do a strong tapping sensation. And you’ll find that either right sort of dead center at 12 o’clock right towards the belly button you’ll feel some, a bit of tissue that feels different, the tissue swells when you’re aroused, and so it can feel like a ridge or like a pea or like a nut, there’s so many descriptions given to me over the years, and the tissue will feel different. It might be a bit to the right, might be a bit to the left, and you want to have a, set up some communication with your partner and let them know, “Oh yeah, that feels different” or “That feels different.” I’ve actually, I have written a book that really gives it a step by step, this is what you do to really help you find that area. Now, some women enjoy it, some women find it pleasurable, some women become orgasmic when you stimulate the g-spot, and other women find it a bit uncomfortable and say, “Okay, yeah, that’s the spot, but it really isn’t working for me right now.”
Alissa Kriteman: And is that because it really hasn’t been stimulated before, or why would it not feel so good?
Kim Switnicki: It really, it’s one of those mysteries in life, and it sort of depends possibly on the time of the month because your hormones will affect that area as well, and it may depend on just your emotional state at that time, it may depend if you’re peri menopausal or post menopausal. It could be so many different things, and so I certainly encourage women, if they have found it before and didn’t really like it, try it again because you never know. And it could’ve been your bladder was full or not full, maybe you want to try something a little different. Perhaps you need to locate it on your tummy, if you’re on your tummy or you’re on your knees and you lean forward, so you kind of have maybe your butt up in the air a little bit and your partner slips their finger in and pushes down as opposed to up because you’re on your tummy now, so aiming towards that belly button, and maybe that position is a little bit easier for you, because you might have concerns maybe in the back of your mind about somebody having their fingers inside of you, maybe you need to use a toy instead, maybe you need to explore it on your own first. There’s so many things that can go through your mind, which will impair how you feel.
Alissa Kriteman: I know. I was reading something once about how the barrier to most women’s sexual pleasure is their mind.
Kim Switnicki: Yes.
Alissa Kriteman: It’s not even our bodies, you know, it’s just the mind in and of itself. What do you recommend if we can’t, if, here we are, we’re with an amazing lover, we’re having fun…
Kim Switnicki: Mm hmm.
Alissa Kriteman: and we can’t get out of our mind.
Kim Switnicki: It’s interesting. The amigdula, which is part of the brain, it’s kind of, it’s the part of the brain, it helps for survival, the fight or flight thing, if you have your amigdula turned on, which means you’re thinking, if you’re thinking about the soccer game or a dentist appointment or “Do I need to get groceries or wallpaper”? or whatever you have thinking in your brain, or “Is he looking at my cellulite? Are my breasts too big? Are they too small? Is he tired? I haven’t had my orgasm yet”, if you’re thinking, you can’t have an orgasm. That part of your brain is engaged, it’s not possible for you to orgasm. So it’s really important that you to get out of your head and get down into your body or you can’t do it. So, I mean, how? It’s tricky. One of the things that’s been proven to help women get their amigdula shut down is a) keep them warm, it’s really hard to have a good time when you’re cold and trying to make love, so be warm. And a foot rub or hand rub, and I know that you like the massage thing…
Alissa Kriteman: Yes.
Kim Switnicki: A foot rub or a hand rub if your feet get ticklish, those types of things just start to send a signal to that amigdula to shut it down. So if you’re in that place, you may want to say, “Oh honey, you know what I would love? If you would just give my foot a rub for like two minutes. I love it when you do that”, and just really invite it. Don’t be like, “Oh honey, I’m not going to, you know, have an orgasm, I’m not doing anything at all until you rub my feet.” That’s not really inviting. You know, but if you just, you know, maybe your lover loves your feet, but even if you just say, “Just a couple of minutes and I love it when you do that”, then if somebody said that to me, they loved it when I did something I would want to do it for them. And that can just really help you. And then feel that foot rub and how awesome it feels, and feel that love and caring that that person is giving you and just get that connection, and if you sort of send your mind down into your feet, it’s way easier to get right back into your body again.
Alissa Kriteman: I really appreciate what you’re saying because, you know, modern women today, we’re doing everything. We work, you know, some have kids, there’s the relationship to tend to, there’s our sexuality to tend to, you know, so many things, and so sometimes it is difficult to switch off from that thinking mind into our bodies, so I really like, I’ve never heard that about keeping ourselves warm and having a foot rub, hand rub, those are great really easy ways to start to shift from the whole everything going on in the world into putting more attention on our lover and, you know, a great sexual experience. And I really like what you said about inviting. Excuse me, you know, you were talking about communication and telling our lover, “Oh, I love it when you do that.” What do you suggest for women who are just a little bit shy about really being forthright about what feels good, what they want?
Kim Switnicki: Well, it’s practice, truly it’s practice, and it’s really amazing when you just take that risk once and you see a result, it just fills up your confidence, as with anything. I mean, if you want to learn how to dive off of a diving board, generally the first time you dove off it wasn’t easy, it was really tough the first time, and so once you did it though, it was like, “Oh, I made. Okay, I survived. The water was okay. I could maybe do it again”, and that’s the same thing with this ever so sensitive area of communication, and you can be a high power bank executive, and yet when it comes to the bedroom, you can be really shy and uncomfortable and inhibited about asking for what you want in bed…
Alissa Kriteman: Mm hmm.
Kim Switnicki: And it’s just so common with us women. One thing that you can consider trying is using a blindfold. It’s amazing how your inhibitions shift when you either have a blindfold on yourself or on your lover because women can be, men are visual and men often make love, and I’m generalizing here, but they often make love with their eyes open and women often have their eyes closed, and so if you put a blindfold, a nice sexy mask on your partner, on your lover, so he can’t look at you, then you may be surprised at what you’re willing to then ask for or just maybe whisper it in his ear, “You know, I’d really love it if you would just rub my foot”, and you could slowly bring your toe up his side and up his tummy and maybe down his arm and to his hand. And because he can’t look at you and see you, you may be surprised at how differently you act or things that you say, and just try it even as an experiment, even for those of us who are really comfortable, throw a mask on your partner and see how much even more comfortable you will become. It’s really quite powerful.
Alissa Kriteman: Awesome! Great, great, great tips. I really like that. Alright, lets get back to orgasm.
Kim Switnicki: Okay. Sure.
Alissa Kriteman: Okay, so you told us pretty much the anatomy and how to locate the g-spot, how to stimulate it. It might feel good, it might not, go back, go back, keep trying, keep practicing. How would we know, like, you know, I read about this u-spot orgasm and there’s g-spot orgasm, and I even think there’s an a-spot in there. Like, I’m not sure if it even matters, but like, how do we know about these different kinds of orgasm?
Kim Switnicki: Well, it’s sort of, yeah, once again, if you’re starting to get into that brain thing where you’re thinking, “Oh, is this the g-spot? Oh, is this, oh, I wonder what spot this is”, if you’re engaging the brain, if you find yourself thinking when you’re in bed, it really inhibits your ability to have a good time.
Alissa Kriteman: Mm hmm.
Kim Switnicki: Ultimately, to me there are two rules of thumb. These are the two rules that denote healthy positive sexuality. Number one, all parties are consenting, and that could be one party, two party, three parties, however many parties are involved, as long as you’re all 100 percent consenting, it’s good. Number two, it feels good. And so if there is pleasure, if you’re experiencing pleasure, and that’s different for everybody, if you’re experiencing pleasure of any sort, it’s all good. And so you may find that you have to have your leg up on his shoulder and you need to be squeezing your teddy bear and that’s what really feels good for you, then go for it. It does not matter that that’s, has a name or a particular, you know, some, it’s weird to somebody or whatever. If someone says, “Wow, you know, I can only orgasm if I’m standing up”, well hey, go for it then. You stand up and has many orgasms as you possibly can, and it’s all good…
Alissa Kriteman: Yeah.
Kim Switnicki: So, it’s sort of, not to say that it doesn’t matter because some people really want to explore more, and I just encourage you to open your mind and just experiment. As long as it’s not hurting you, try everything, and just, you know, one step at a time and maybe just even if you move your leg, move it up, move it out, move it down, you’ll have a different sensation. So just really explore with that.
Alissa Kriteman: I just got a vision of a tee shirt that says “Try Everything”.
Kim Switnicki: That’s a great motto to live by.
Alissa Kriteman: Yeah, totally. Alright, lets talk about female ejaculation. I know there’s a lot of controversy over this one, especially with some of the books I’ve read, and even the people I’ve talked to, you know, some people say, “Oh, women can’t ejaculate. It’s really urine, they just don’t know it”, but you aren’t saying that. What are you saying about female ejaculation?
Kim Switnicki: What I’m saying is that there is, again, a mind/body connection. It seems that if it happens, when the first time that it happens there’s a connection that’s been made and it will happen more often. And quite often there are women across North America making love, soaking the bed sheets or perhaps their partner if he happens to be between their legs, and all of a sudden they’re going, “Wow, oh my gosh. What just happened?” They’re sniffing the sheets and saying, “Is it urine? What is it?”, and they can’t quite tell. For the most part, assuming you’re healthy and you don’t have serious incontinence issues, there’s a bladder sphincter that shuts down the bladder when you orgasm. So you, again, as long as you’re healthy, you cannot urinate and orgasm at the same time.
Alissa Kriteman: Oh.
Kim Switnicki: There is fluid that can be ejaculated from women, and it comes out the urethral opening. It’s not vaginal fluid, it doesn’t come out through the vagina, it comes out through the urethral opening which is just above the opening to the vagina and below the clitoris, and that’s also where we urinate from. And what happens is that often it’s g-spot stimulation, the urethral sponge that’s being stimulated, and whether it’s pre-orgasm, post-orgasm, but usually at orgasm, there’s so much contraction that there’s pressure created and this fluid will be expelled through the urethral opening. Some women can control it, and we can actually ejaculate, maybe not quite as far as men, but certainly there is fluid that can come out quite strongly or just, you know, gush out of us, and some women literally, I know women that have stacks of towels beside their bed because they can expel copious quantities of fluids, and they love it, their partner loves it, it’s loaded with pheromones, it’s a bit thinner than our vaginal fluid, it’s a bit musky scented, and it’s really very natural and healthy, it’s not urine, it’s just because of the contractions there’s this fluid that comes out, and it’s the same fluid as male ejaculate but there’s no sperm in it. We’re very similar, men and women actually. Very, very similar.
Alissa Kriteman: Wow! You know, a part of my question was are we just trying to be like men, like men ejaculate, now women want to ejaculate, and it’s kind of like well, who cares, it feels good, right? And so…
Kim Switnicki: Exactly. And some women find that they get sort of a pressure, like they feel like their bladder is full or they feel like they may be about to urinate, and my suggestion to them: go for it. Push down. If you’re going to have a g-spot orgasm or an ejaculation, generally a bearing down sensation is the trick to just letting it go, and then you’ll find that you just have this more downward motion, and it’s slightly different than a clitorally stimulated orgasm, and you can have combo orgasms, if you’re partner’s really skilled and they can perform oral sex on you while they have their fingers inside of you stimulating your g-spot, that was the way it happened to me the very first time, and oh my god, it was just like, “I have no idea what you’re doing. This is a sensation beyond me”, but just keep doing it because it’s amazing.
Alissa Kriteman: Wow, so fingers inside and then tongue on the g-spot…
Kim Switnicki: Yeah. Tongue on the clitoris, yeah…
Alissa Kriteman: Oh, sorry.
Kim Switnicki: Tongue on the outside, fingers on the inside and, you know, just alternate back and forth, just drive her crazy. I mean, just, you know, whatever combo. It’s not like you can do it wrong.
Alissa Kriteman: I could talk to you all day. Alright, we have to wrap up soon, but I wanted to ask you a question about, you mentioned the pelvic floor, and I know when I hurt my back recently I went to physiotherapist and he’s like, “Okay, well move your pelvis”, and I thought I was moving my pelvis and he was like, “No, no, no, here”, and he’s showing me, and I couldn’t move my pelvis. So I had to get these, they’re called Smart Balls…
Kim Switnicki: Okay.
Alissa Kriteman: to insert them into my vagina, so I actually started to develop vaginal, I would say PC muscles. Did it really differ from abdominal muscles, and they really helped me identify my pelvis. And here I am thinking I’m pretty smart, I know what I’m doing. No. I didn’t even know there were like separate, but not only that, it’s actually non sexual. Like, that this, these muscles are going to help me stand straighter and have more control over my posture, my body, but also increase my sexual ability I’m assuming too. So talk to us about PC muscles, pelvic floor, what do we need to know about really working on those muscles.
Kim Switnicki: Okay. I actually have developed a program that’s freedom from your leaky bladder, which doesn’t sound overly sexy, but it really gets into explaining to women about the PC muscles, the pelvic floor, kegel exercises, I recommend Benwall Balls, which are similar to the Smart Balls but they’re much smaller, and essentially the pelvic floor muscles or the PC muscles, same sort of thing, are very critical for women and we are not informed about them which is really unfortunate because they do all of the things that you said, as well as, well from a sexual perspective, orgasm is a series of muscle contractions, so the more tones your muscles are, the more intense your experience of orgasm is going to be. Also, if you have tight pelvic floor muscles, you can squeeze your partner, and that whole squeezing of the muscles and doing that rhythmic squeeze while you’re having intercourse really can improve your chances of being orgasmic while you’re having intercourse as well. And also they help prevent incontinence in women or the leaks and dribbles, and there are so many women I encounter now, even in their 20’s and 30’s, that if they’re sneezing or coughing or laughing they’re finding that they have a little bit of urine that comes out because they haven’t got that control. So it’s, and I think that, I don’t know if it’s because we just don’t play as much as we used to when we were little, we’re not out there on the monkey bars playing around because kids these days are, you know, or younger people are at the computer, they’re playing with their iPod or their gameboy or whatever. Improving that pelvic muscle tone is really going to help you in a million different ways, and essentially the ab muscles, a lot of athletes have really strong abdominal muscles, that actually can put pressure on the pelvic floor. And so, a lot of women know about their kegel exercises, but they just don’t do them properly as you found out. So you may think that you’re doing something that’s helpful for you, but tightening your abdominal muscles actually is the opposite of what you want to do for improving your pelvic floor strength…
Alissa Kriteman: Yeah.
Kim Switnicki: is particularly important.
Alissa Kriteman: Exactly. And then, you know, because I hurt myself I started taking Pilates classes, and again, like getting in touch with these muscles, taking classes like that that isolate the pelvis, and I didn’t even think about that, yeah, but I’m sure the generations that are coming up, they might not exercise as much as we did because, yeah, they’re inside using computers and whatnot, and yeah, so to stave that off for the future when we’re in our 20’s and 30’s and our backs are flying out because we never, you know, learned what our pelvic floor can do, yeah.
Kim Switnicki: Mm hmm, for sure.
Alissa Kriteman: Alright, cool. So freedom from your leaky bladder, I know it doesn’t sound very exciting, but again, you’re saying it helps us get in touch with these very important muscles that not only help us, you know, with our health, right? Like, who wants a leaky bladder, but also our sexuality as well.
Kim Switnicki: Absolutely, and there is a bonus chapter on the uses of sexy Benwall Balls ‘cause you can use them for, you know, sexual fun as well, so I did cover that too.
Alissa Kriteman: You’re so great. We do have to go, and so your website so people can find you is called lionessforlovers.com?
Kim Switnicki: Yup, lioness, l-i-o-n-e-s-s f-o-r l-o-v-e-r-s dot com.
Alissa Kriteman: And you do sex and intimacy coaching, teleseminars, home parties, what’s the home party, quickly?
Kim Switnicki: Well locally we have a number of sexy toy products that I will come out, or I have a consultant that will come out to your home, and give you a toy party. We only do that in Canada though, for your listeners that are down there, we don’t do them down there, but I’m certainly willing to come out and offer lots of different workshops, and we do oral sex workshops and g-spot workshops and lots of fun helping women find their sexual truths and lots and lots of fun things.
Alissa Kriteman: Awesome. Thank you so much for being on Just For Women today and offering us some really new perspectives on how we can be more empowered as sexual beings, and thank you for these awesome tools.
Kim Switnicki: Well you’re quite welcome, Alissa. It was so much fun.
Alissa Kriteman: Yeah, thank you. I had fun. Did you have fun?
Kim Switnicki: It was great.
Alissa Kriteman: And I also want to let our listeners know that you can email me of course Alissa, a-l-i-s-s-a at personallifemedia.com ([email protected]). I’d love to hear your comments, any ideas you have for topics you’d like me to cover on the show. This was fantastic. So important for women to tap into their bodies, understanding these muscles, that every woman is orgasmic, there’s no reason why women should be out there suffering, you know, and feeling insecure about their sexuality and their orgasm. And also for text and transcripts of this show and other shows on the Personal Life Media network, just visit our website at personallifemedia.com, and you can get a copy of my book Alissa’s Four Cornerstones to Living The Life of Your Dreams on Amazon. I actually found out if you go to Amazon and type my name, Alissa Kriteman, you’re right there. So again, Kim Switnicki, thank you, and tell us again your book, the book that you wrote.
Kim Switnicki: The G-spot Play Guide.
Alissa Kriteman: Awesome. G-spot Play Guide. And where do we find that, on your website, on Amazon?
Kim Switnicki: On both actually.
Alissa Kriteman: Okay, great. Alright, thank you from Chicago to Canada.
Kim Switnicki: Woo whoo, that is awesome. Thank you very much Alissa.
Alissa Kriteman: May we all have an orgasmic day today. Okay, thanks so much, and listeners, again, thank you for listening to Just For Women today. Tune in next week for more juicy news you can use.