Episode 39: Inessa Freylekhman, Feng Shui Master, shows us how to “Attract Love by Moving your Stuff!”
Never has been attracting Love been so easy! Listen in as Inessa Freylekhman, Feng Shui Master, gives us very easy and practical ways to approach manifesting the love and life that we long to have, simply by moving our stuff!
Using the principles of the ancient art of Feng Shui, in the home, bedroom and even the boardroom (!) we can cause miracles by paying attention to how objects are placed and the whether or not the energy (“chi”) is free to flow.
Inessa offers us great insight such as:
- Tips for creating deeper connection and intimacy in the bedroom
- How to attract the love of your life
- Discovering our “Inner Blocks” and how to dismantle them
- The roots of Feng Shui and how it can be a powerful ally in helping us manifest our dreams
Woman: This program is brought to you by PersonalLifeMedia.com.
Alissa Kriteman: Welcome to “Just for Women: Dating, Relationships and Sex”. I'm your host, Alissa Kriteman. This show is dedicated to bringing you the most insightful and useful information available today to help you create the life of your dreams.
Today on the show, I'm very happy to welcome Inessa Freylekhman and she is a Feng Shui master. So today on the show we're going to discuss what Feng Shui is, where it comes from, her particular modality, and how it can help us have more of what we want in life. Then after the break, we're going to talk about how Feng Shui can specifically help us attract the love of our life and how we can apply it to the bedroom and have a little bit more spice and fun.
Inessa Freylekhman: Feng shui is the ancient art of placement. There are different forms of Feng Shui. A lot of people think that Feng Shui has to do with the compass, directions, your birthday and that is one type of Feng Shui. I practice what's called “Black Hat Tibetan Buddhist Tantric” Feng Shui. The Master Teacher Professor Lin Yun, he brought it to the West where he integrated design and psychology. So it's a really beautiful practice and instead of using a compass to assist us in finding the right placement of objects, we use the front door as the “Mouth of Chi”.
I remember one couple, they were complaining of the lack of Intimacy in their relationship and I walked into their room and they had this old door, it was under their bed and, literally, it was a metaphor for the block in their intimacy. So it's really important that place, the bed should be the emperor of your room. There should be nothing competing for your interest. You come in the room and right off the bath, the bed is the essential feature of your room and not the television or the treadmill or something else in your room. There shouldn’t be things competing for your interest in the room.
What's so important [xx] get clear whether that you want to manifest, that what it is that you want to create in your life? So before starting to work with you, I'll probably do an idea feel [sp] with you, probably have you write it down in a piece of paper in present time using positive affirmations, using “I am” statements for what you want to create. How do you want to feel in the morning when you wake up?
A lot of people get into the habit of writing things down about, “Oh, I want this person to make me feel really, really good and I want him to be my knight in shining armor” and then to really start defining how is it that you want to experience the relationship because it's really all thoughts of you.
Alissa Kriteman: So, Inessa, thank you so much for being on “Just for Women”.
Inessa Freylekhman: Thanks for having me, Alissa.
Alissa Kriteman: So for those of you who don’t yet know Inessa Freylekhman, she holds a master’s degree in Spiritual Psychology from the University of Santa Monica. I love Santa Monica, I don’t know how you got any studying done down there.
Inessa Freylekhman: [xx] all together.
Alissa Kriteman: How to study at the beach.
Inessa Freylekhman: Right. I just meditated all the answers on the test and channel them all.
Alissa Kriteman: Yes, I hear that happens down there. Let's see, you also have a Bachelor in Communication from the University of Washington and who’s style is unique. She’ll tell us more about this later in that she uses her clients’ inner and outer worlds to achieve massive results. So we’ll talk more about. Inessa is trained in the BTB style of Feng Shui by Elnathan Batoon. She also studied with Professor Lin Yun, the originator of BTB Feng Shui. She also hosts a variety of workshops available for private and group consultation.
So Inessa, I found you from this really great newsletter that a friend of mine sent to me saying how you were going to help us apply Feng Shui to the bedroom. I thought “I have to talk to this woman”. But before we get in to all of that, talk to us a little bit about what Feng Shui is, where did it originates, and what BTB is in particular?
Alissa Kriteman: Sure. Well, Feng Shui is the ancient art of placement and there are different forms of Feng Shui. A lot of people, they think that Feng Shui has to do with a compass, they think it has to do with directions, your birthday, and that is one type of Feng Shui that is the ancient Chinese Feng Shui. I practice what's called “Black Hat Tibetan Buddhist Tantric” Feng Shui.
But they're not that scary, it's actually very simple and goes along with almost any modality of healing. It has its roots in Tibetan Buddhism and it traces the course of Buddhism and specifically the bond [sp] tradition which was the most [xx] and the most mystical tradition of Buddhism. It traces its path from India to Tibet and to China where, along its way, it picked up different mantras, it picked up different practices, it draws from all these different wisdoms.
The Master Teacher Professor Lin Yu, he brought it to the West where he integrated design and psychology. So it's really a beautiful practice and instead of using a compass to assist us in finding the right placement of objects, we use the front door as the “Mouth of Chi”. So we look at the front door where all the energy enters into the house. Based on this position, then we know how to superimpose our grid that we use when we're making adjustments and cares [sp] and when we're intentionalizing our space. This Feng Shui that I practice really has to be able to deal with your intention. I look at each and every individual as the compass for his or her own life. So based on what they want to create, then I use the space to match and to reflect their own heart’s desires.
Alissa Kriteman: Wow! Wow, wow, wow! So tell me again what BTB stands for?
Inessa Freylekhman: It's “Black Hat Tibetan Buddhist Tantric” Feng Shui. It is a fascinating mix of different thoughts and different practices.
Alissa Kriteman: Yes, because you know ordinarily in the West, when we hear Tantra, I know there's a lot of confusion and people think sexual technique, sex. But what you're saying is that Tantra is actually more mantra intention, things of that nature.
Inessa Freylekhman: And harnessing the flow of chi, the life force, the breath. Working with that life force and energy that moves through your space and really intending the pattern of energy that you want to [xx] in your life. So using this life force is already here and directing it.
Alissa Kriteman: OK. You mentioned something about the front door and chi. So chi is the life force that runs through all things, yes.
Inessa Freylekhman: Yes, all of it.
Alissa Kriteman: OK. So harnessing that, so what does that look like? Say I'm your client, let's say my front door, how do we harness the chi? Where would we start?
Inessa Freylekhman: We start at the front door and we want to make--because the front door’s the mouth of energy, we want to make sure that there's no obstructions to that energy. So it's really important that there's nothing blocking the entrance to your door. A lot of people have things behind their doors and that’s the most basic elemental thing that you can just fix right off the bed and making sure one, there's nothing behind your door and blocking that flow; two, making sure that the sound that you hear when you're entering your house is present. That’s really the first and last impression that you make in your day, when you're coming in and when you're leaving your house.
So a lot of people have this whining, creaky doors and that’s what condition their experience as they walk through your house. It's really important that your house is a sanctuary, your house is a place where you can relax, you can wind down, you can rest, you can experience love, romance, everything except for irritation. You don’t want to have irritation when you come into you house.
Alissa Kriteman: That’s amazing! Is that why people have water fountains and you can hear the gurgling water when they walk in? Do you think they’ve actually had someone who knows Feng Shui to come in and transform that?
Inessa Freylekhman: I think some people do, I really believe that we are all intuitive beings, I think some people are just in tuned with that. They would know that intuitively. I've met those kinds of people, I'd walked into their house and I'm like, “Wow! Have you done Feng Shui?” They're like, “No.” But they're so in tuned with nature and with their environment that they know to put a fountain there and that will help create more flow and help create a lot more peace in their house.
Alissa Kriteman: You know what it sounds like? It sounds like what you're asking people to do is kind of like wake up to their environment and relate to it. Our environment isn’t just a place of hard material objects but it's actually a live living space and we need to pay attention to how this living space is actually living.
Inessa Freylekhman: Yes, exactly. There's a complete symbiotic relationship between us and our environment. A lot of times, the things that we use to surround ourselves, they can be blocking us from having what we really want. It’s [xx] to our looking at our space from those eyes of, “OK, what I have in this environment, is this supporting me? Is this inspiring me? Does it make me feel good?”
There are some basic Feng Shui principles that we examine when we walk into a space. When we look at things such as a bed placement, furniture arrangement, there is an ideal way of arranging your furniture to push you in command and to harness this chi to really channel this life force energy into your house.
Alissa Kriteman: So give me a quick overview, if we were coming into my house and so I fix the creaky door, I get the thing out from behind the door, it's totally free. Where do I want my furniture? How do I want it to flow?
Inessa Freylekhman: First, I’ll ask you what your intention is, and let's say I'm walking into your bedroom and you really want to create a loving partnership. The first thing that I look at is at your bed and I look at the position of your bed. A lot of people, I've come into their room and they want to have a relationship, yet their bedroom is literally holding their single status in place. What that looks like is a bed that’s pushed up against the wall with only room for one person to get in the bed.
So you want to make sure that your bed is set up for two people, that there's room on both sides of the bed for two people to come into the bed. It's really important to have a bed with space on both sides. One of my clients, she really wanted to attract the partner but she had a treadmill blocking one side of her bed. So unconsciously, she was creating this block.
Alissa Kriteman: [xx].
Inessa Freylekhman: It's funny, it's so obvious, but you'd be surprised, like until you're ready to hear it, you just create these things in your environment. I've had so many stories, I can tell you about people that those obvious things--I remember one couple, they're complaining of the lack of intimacy in their relationship. I walked into their room and they had this old door that’s falling off the hinges and the door was under their bed. Literally, it was a metaphor for the block in their intimacy.
So it's really important that place, the bed should be the emperor of your room. There should be nothing competing for your interest. It should be in a common room and right up the bath, the bed is essential feature of your room and not the television or the treadmill or something else in your room. So there shouldn’t be things competing for your interest in the room.
Alissa Kriteman: I've heard this before that the bedroom should be the bedroom and no TV in there, no other things because just the energy that’s coming through the TV or, like you said, the treadmill, we don’t realize how much of the energy suck those things really are.
Inessa Freylekhman: Completely. You know TV, not only do they distract you and sometimes they can be excuse for not getting deeper in the relationship, but also they have what's known as EMF, an electromagnetic field, and that’s harmful if you're exposed to that over a long period of time.
I remember one lady who wanted to attract a partner and I came to her room and her TV was a huge black hole that she kept staring at every morning. I told her, “You have to close that up and you need to either put it in an armoire or just get it out of your bedroom all together.” She kept staring at this dark television and she wasn't even looking at it. [xx] she was watching it but it was creating a perpetual black hole in her love life.
Alissa Kriteman: Yes, again, just unconsciously that we're really thinking about well, how’s my space actually affecting life. It's funny because I make this joke at one point--where I used to live, I had a really big bedroom and so I had my computer, my books, everything in my bedroom. Then I was talking to a friend one day who said, “You know, Alissa, you should think about getting your office out of your bedroom.” Once I did that, my whole love life changed.
Inessa Freylekhman: Yes, because having an office in the bedroom and having a whole bunch of books, you create this sense of overwhelmed, there's so much to do.
Alissa Kriteman: Yes.
Inessa Freylekhman: It also creates the competing attention. If you don’t want to have competing attention in your bedroom, your bedroom is for rest, for romance, and for rejuvenation. Anything else, it needs to leave the bedroom. That’s my viewpoint on it.
Alissa Kriteman: Rest, romance, and rejuvenation. We are going to take a break to support our sponsors. I'm your host, Alissa Kriteman. You're listening to “Just for Women: Dating, Relationships and Sex”. We're speaking with Inessa Freylekhman, Feng Shui master, and we will be right back.
Alissa Kriteman: We're back. I'm Alissa Kriteman, your host of “Just for Women: Dating, Relationships and Sex”. We're speaking with Inessa Freylekhman. She is a Feng Shui master and has been giving us the skinny on how to be more conscious of our space and how things--furniture, anything in our space--how it actually has a huge impact on the quality of our life, our energy levels, and what we can and cannot attract into our life.
Before the break, we just started to get into how to coordinate our bedroom so that it really is a container for attracting the love that we want, the intimacy that we want in our life. So, Inessa, let's continue on that path. I know a lot of my listeners definitely want to hear more about how to attract love into our lives using Feng Shui. So what are some tips that you have for us?
Inessa Freylekhman: Well, it's really important to get in command of what you want by placing your bed on what's called “the commanding position”. What that is is having the widest view of the room from where you're sleeping, seeing the door actually helps create a sense of security and [xx] in the relationship. Even if you're not in a relationship, yet you want to start acting as if. It also helps you feel you're on top of things and gives you literally the widest perspective as you can handle anything. The more you can create a situation where you are in command of your environment, the less struggles and the less stress and anxious you're going to feel and the more conducive for rest and romance your room will be. So getting your bedroom, getting your bed into the commanding position is really one of the first steps to creating the romance you want in your life.
Alissa Kriteman: You know, you say that and it's really kind [xx] when I think about it, that’s serious, acting as if you're already in the relationship and put your bed in, you said, the widest viewing place in the position of you are ready for anything.
Inessa Freylekhman: Totally, you are receiving. The door, because it's the Mouth of Chi, it's also the mouth of opportunity so you want to be open to see all your opportunities coming in into your life.
Alissa Kriteman: Oh, my God! That is so powerful! I'm really starting to understand what you're saying, just by placing your bed, you're saying, “I'm ready to receive this man. I'm ready to take on whatever comes up in our relationship.” That’s pretty powerful.
Inessa Freylekhman: It's really powerful and it's really sending out a message to the universe that you're really declaring and affirming that, “Yes, I am ready.” You know what I love about Feng Shui is that it's taking this small leap that tosses this small steps in your own environment. Who can't do that? We can all do it in our space. And by taking the steps in your space, that creates momentum out there in the world. They'll spread out energy in the world that will help you, it will [xx] you in attracting and manifesting your heart’s desires.
Alissa Kriteman: I love it. OK, bed in that commanding position. What else?
Inessa Freylekhman: The other thing you really want to do is you want to have matching nightstands and matching lamps. Matching nightstands represent equality and matching lamps and lights, in general, having light in your bedroom illuminate through difficult times and it's really important to have low voltage lamps.
I remember one of my clients, he had just come back from an ashram, he was living on this ashram for a year. He came back and he called me out and told me he's ready to be in relationship and when I walked into the room, it was still like he was living like a monk. He's sleeping in a little cot behind the door so you couldn’t see the door from where he was sleeping. He had pictures of gurus and deities and it was really holding this symbol status in place.
I explained to him the Feng Shui concept andprinciple. I explained to him, “You really need to start studying your room up to welcoming your partner. What would your room looked like if you already were in a relationship? Obviously, to get a bigger bed to sleep both people and you would probably have art that represent love and partnership and have flowers in here.” He looked into what I said but he did not take my advice. It's really important to mention that if you want to change, you have to take action.
Alissa Kriteman: Right.
Inessa Freylekhman: I have people that had took to my advice and they have manifest to their partners and I have people that have not taken my advice and do not do the work. So when you're ready for it, if you really want to create partnership, you need to take action. That is so pivotal, so important; and action can be just in your room.
Alissa Kriteman: Wow! Yes! Matching nightstands, matching lamps, low voltage, you don’t want to fry up the energy in there.
Inessa Freylekhman: Too much light is also very ying, it creates a very active environment.
Alissa Kriteman: Ying means…
Inessa Freylekhman: Ying, very ying because ying is the masculine, yan and ying. In Feng Shui, ying is the masculine energy, they want to have too much light.
Alissa Kriteman: Got it. OK, not too much light. Wow! It's something you really would need a consultant because it seems like a delicate process.
Inessa Freylekhman: It is. I really [xx] when I give to people talk, I give them the information and I think it definitely makes an impression. Sometimes people are ready to hear, sometimes they need to see me again like maybe three months later when they walk through some things, we're not always in a place where we're ready to change. We need to hear the information or we do our own inner processing, work through some inner blocks. Once we've walked through those inner blocks, try just making a small shift in your environment will help you walk through the inner block. It could be so simple. It could be buying two candles if you can't get two matching nightstands, get two candles that symbolize harmony, symbolize balance. It can be as easy as that.
Alissa Kriteman: When you say inner blocks, what do you mean? Clearly, Feng Shui is, so far, we've talked about the external, the physical, the nightstands, the bed. What would you mean when you say inner blocks?
Inessa Freylekhman: The way you arrange your environment can be a metaphor and is a kind of metaphor for the inner blocks. Like I remember one client whose house I went to and he was complaining that his partner was not listening to him, he felt like she was giving him the cold shoulder. When I got into their bed, because I did that sometimes, I'd go into people’s bed and I sit in the bed and I looked at their perspective, I looked at what they're looking at.
So when I got into their bed, I noticed that from his perspective, he has this picture up on the wall of this man--it was a picture from the National Geographic--and it was a man who was bending over and picking up a bucket. So he was constantly looking at a picture of somebody’s back. From her perspective, she was looking at this valley, so she was watching the [xx] all the times. “I'm not paying to attention to you. I've no idea what you're talking about.” So in that relationship, we had to bring them into a unified perspective so we started looking for artwork that depicted something that they both wanted to focus on because what you focus on grows.
Alissa Kriteman: Wow! My God!
Inessa Freylekhman: Yes.
Alissa Kriteman: OK.
Alissa Kriteman: OK. So I understand that, I'm just trying to get this inner block. If we're not in a relationship yet and we want to use Feng Shui and we know that some of the patterns from the past have been maybe anger or self-sabotage, losing ourself in relationship, what would be some Feng Shui principles to help us overcome those kinds of things.
Inessa Freylekhman: What's really important first get clear in a way that you want to manifest and what it is that you want to create in your life. So if I was to start to work with you, I probably do an idea feel with you, probably have you write it down on a piece of paper in present time using positive affirmations, using “I am” statements for what you want to create, like how do you want to experience a partnership. I'll have you start writing those things down [xx] the pretty quick literally like how do you want to feel in the morning when you wake up? You really want to define your experience.
A lot of people get into the habit of writing things down about, “Oh, I want this person to make me feel really, really good and I want him to be my knight in shining armor and to really start defining how is it that you want to experience the relationship because it really all start with you. Once you start writing these things down and intending “Here's how I want to experience this relationship”, then you begin a process of self-cultivation. You really begin a process of creating that space inside of yourself first, that there are things with self-sabotaging patterns that have gotten in the way in the past. Those will come up to heal and to work through and way to walk through self-sabotaging patterns.
When I got my master’s in Spiritual Psychology, one of the things that I learned was [xx]. I don’t know if you're familiar with the process of [xx], it's giving voice to all those self-sabotaging patterns. So if there's a pattern of getting into relationships and then not committing that I would give that part, to myself a voice, give them a voice, write it out. What is the positive intention of that pattern? What is that pattern been doing for me up until now? Literally, you would sit down and you would write it down and you would allow that part of you to have a voice because sometimes even these things perpetually [xx] because we suppressed them and we'd cross them out, we don’t give them expression.
Alissa Kriteman: Wow! See, that is why I think you have a little bit of [xx] a lot of depth is because you do bring a spiritual psychology piece to this very ancient art. Doing that kind of work with people, I could see would be deeply healing before you even get into the physical movement of furniture in the bedroom.
Inessa Freylekhman: Yes, it's so deeply healing and sometimes it's a little funny because sometimes it's easy to hold on to things from old relationships and that could be a block in the space from attracting a new love because energy lingers especially an old item. Sometimes we give voice to the very things that they have in their environment to help them closure with it. So they're holding on to a box of pictures of an ex-boyfriend, it's going to be important to give voice to that part that’s unwilling to release that relationship before they can move in to creating a new one.
Alissa Kriteman: Wow! So to do a little recap, if we were going to walk into our bedroom today and start making changes to attract the love of our life, one, put the bed in the commanding position so you can see the door; two, make sure that you have things that accommodate a partner like a bigger bed or a nightstand on either side and maybe some colors, some textures, some art, things that actually have your attention on love and intimacy and things of that nature.
Inessa Freylekhman: Exactly. And it's [xx] of not to use old sheets from old relationships.
Alissa Kriteman: So we have to get on the bedding now.
Inessa Freylekhman: All the bedding and to pick colors that are neutral, color that add some spice and maybe paint one wall [xx] color or brilliant, some red, some burgundy, some gold into your bedroom. Warm colors, make your bedroom really inviting.
Alissa Kriteman: I love that, I love that, and throw out all those old pictures of the old relationship.
Inessa Freylekhman: Old pictures of old relationships. Another thing is pictures of parents and children like if your kid and friend do not belong in the bedroom. Who wants all those gazing eyes on you when you're winding down or you're in the midst of making love?
Alissa Kriteman: Interesting! So get the pictures of the kids out of there.
Inessa Freylekhman: Completely. The bedroom is really for you and for your amore.
Alissa Kriteman: OK. We have to go. Wow! You're so interesting, I could talk to you all day. But before we go, quickly, so if we’re already in a relationship and say we're struggling with intimacy and being really connected to, say, a partner of seven to 10 years. I like that one about the kids because I don’t think, if you're in a partnership and you have children, I'm sure those pictures of the kids somewhere in the bedroom, so get those out.
What else would you say to couples?
Inessa Freylekhman: I would say that the bedroom is really a drama-free zone. If you're going to [xx] for that and create a designated spot in the house, do it but do not do it in the bedroom. The bedroom’s, like I said before, is for rest, it's for romance, it's for rejuvenation. I would really say if you want to start harnessing deeper love and deeper passion and intimacy in the bedroom, to spend at least five minutes before you go to bed pampering and placing and playing. If you can do those three things for five minutes before you go to bed, those are going to create lasting impression in your relationship.
Alissa Kriteman: I like that. In my book, I support people in giving gratitude to each other.
Inessa Freylekhman: Exactly.
Alissa Kriteman: Yes, and do you think in five minutes to say, “Hey, it's been a long day. I've been going my way, you've been going your way, and I appreciate you for x, y, an z and you can just totally generate it on the fly.
Inessa Freylekhman: I totally agree, just having either fun or gratitude or acknowledgement or any way that you can fall asleep on a positive happy note and it’s going to help you wake up on a happy positive note as well. It's so important to create that energy for yourself before you go to bed and right when you wake up. Even in the morning, [xx] your day just looking at your partner and saying something positive to each other really creates certain energy throughout your life and throughout your relationship where you both focus on uplifting each other and bringing each other up.
Alissa Kriteman: Also, it [xx] to say because I've studied little bit of Tantra and I was just thinking, if someone finds themselves in a position where maybe there is a little bit of drama or argument before bedtime, just to really take the time and maybe do some deep breathing, meditate a little bit, at least get yourself in a nice place for your sleep as we look to empower ourselves as women. If we can't resolve something that might be going on as we approach bedtime, it's really important to come from a perspective fall asleep happy, start happy at least for ourselves.
Inessa Freylekhman: Beautiful. You do, you start with yourself, and out of reality, your reflection of inner reality. So if you can start with yourself first, then that can reshape your relationships with other people but we should definitely do it first for ourselves and foremost.
Alissa Kriteman: Awesome. Inessa, thank you so much for being on “Just for Women”.
Inessa Freylekhman: Thanks for having me.
Alissa Kriteman: Tell our listeners how we can find you.
Inessa Freylekhman: You can find me by going to my website which is FengShuiFromTheHeart.com or you can call me on 310-926-2722. I do a lot of workshops that I have a whole section on my website which is devoted to the workshops that I teach and you could sign up for my newsletters. I love sending out tips for what to do and how you can enhance and balance your home for better chi.
Alissa Kriteman: Thank you so much. You have some of the amazing workshops because you have a lot of workshops about attracting partners and what not. So listeners, check that out. I also want to say that you can email me Alissa@PersonalLifeMedia.com. I'd love your comments about the show, you can ask me questions, even offer ideas, the topics you should like me to cover.
For text and transcripts of the show and other shows on the Personal Life Media Network, please visit our website at PersonalLifeMedia.com. For more tools and techniques on how to live the life of your dream, check out my book at TheDreamer.Typepad.com.
So Inessa Freylekhman, thank you so much for your insight, your passion in helping people have amazing lives through Feng Shui. I really appreciate you being on the show today.
Inessa Freylekhman: Thanks so much, Alissa. Thanks for having me. I appreciate it.
Alissa Kriteman: I'm your host, Alissa Kriteman, always expanding your awareness and choices here on “Just for Women: Dating, Relationships and Sex”. Tune in next week for more juicy news you can use in a little moments of time.
Woman: Find more great shows like this on PersonalLifeMedia.com.