Episode 39: Deepening Your Motivation to End the Weight Struggle
Today, learn what ending the weight struggle is really all about, as you deepen the meaning of your journey and your motivation to move forward as Renee shares the update to her personal mission statement. We’ll also go further into creating unconditional self acceptance so that everything we do becomes both easier and more successful. What a concept!
Renée Stephens: Welcome to Inside Out Weight Loss. I’m your host Renée Stephens. Together we’re accessing the control panel of your mind, body, system, bringing ease and joy to your weight loss journey and fullness to the rest of your life.
On today’s show learn about your soul’s gift and what it has to do with ending your weight struggle and resolving the exhausting conflict around self-acceptance.
Renée Stephens: That is just the cherry on top. Sorry about the food metaphor but that’s just the little bit on top. The tip of the iceberg because there is so much more that is made possible when we get the heck out of our own way.
When we turned down the volume, when we think and turned down the volume on our inner critic. So let’s just say for a moment that you pull an Elizabeth Gilbert and you go out, eat, pray, love around the world and you end up on a beach in Bali, doing your thing as a naturally slender person.
You know, like whenever your soul’s get yeah, yeah yeah. I’m here on the beach having a grand old time and yet you are at peace with yourself. And so when you connect with the waiter in the little tiki on the beach and you show kindness to the waiter that’s your soul’s gift escaping, seeping out.
At the atomic and sub-atomic levels, we know science knows now that matter is always in motion. And so when we perceived ourselves as stuck, as not in motion. It actually doesn’t mean that we’re standing still. What it means is that the forces that are there to move us forward are met by equal forces moving us backwards.
Renée Stephens: Let’s take a moment as we always do to arrive and be present with ourselves and also to be present to this opportunity to tune in and connect. Connect with yourself; connect with your higher self.
Go ahead and invite your higher self or if it works for you invite spirit to the party. Invite spirit to this episode, to guide you, to show for you to highlight the aspects of today’s program that are most appropriate and most transformative for you. Become present, open up to yourself, to your guidance and open up while you are it to all the other listeners of this program, across space and time.
Knowing that the support that you send to them will come back many, many hundreds of thousands of times magnified over. Feel it as it comes back to you in just the right way.
So noticing simply your inner experience and opening up to insight, inspiration, breakthrough, transformation. Whatever it is that is just right for you today on this episode of Inside Out Weight Loss.
I like to share with you some listener comments that I received this week, that were so inspirational to me. I just love getting these messages they really do make my day and remind me why I do what I do.
So here’s a message from Jen, I’ll paraphrase from her email, she writes, “I’m a listener of your podcast. I’ve heard them all and I am so impressed. I’ve recommended them to countless people in my life who would benefit from what you teach.”
She writes, “I’m a Master’s student in the area of health and exercise psychology and I do not have food issues per se but I listen to the shows because what you teach has the potential to impact and influence many areas of one’s life. Not just eating. You’re truly a joy to listen to and I’m sad that I’ve heard them all now as I’m eagerly awaiting the arrival of a new one.”
Then she writes, “For now, I just want to say thanks and you’re doing a fabulous job. You have a great podcast voice and,” she writes, “I haven’t heard you sing yet but I know you can.” Thank you Jen. “I’m so happy you have made such a positive impact on so many people as well. Keep up the great work. It’s great to have people out there like yourself spreading the word that healthy eating and losing weight is not hard as long as your mindset, actions, and philosophy are congruent with that goal.”
I really love what Jen writes here especially what stands out to me is the fact that she doesn’t even have food issues and I’ve heard from a few of you like this, that are using the principles of Inside Out Weight Loss in other areas of your life. And indeed, it’s absolutely true because the weight loss is simply a doorway.
The concepts that we learned in this program are really concepts that apply to almost all areas of your lives. And I invite you to post a comment on the blog if you’ve noticed or applied these principles in other areas of your life and how that is working out for you. I’d love for you to share and free to share not just with me but the other readers of the blog at personallifemedia.com/renee.
Another listener named Lisa writes, “I started listening to your podcast two weeks ago and I’m still in a state of shock. I’ve been keeping my journal and imagining everyday myself as a naturally thin person. The feelings I have had before about those party treats at work for birthdays and celebrations never missing out on any of them by being like so many others, just feeding my face with all of it. Well, this morning one of the girls brought over two dozen doughnuts and guess what? I actually stood there, looking at these doughnuts and to my surprise I had no desire to eat them. I though to myself, ‘this maybe a treat for others but for me it’s only a setback’.”
She goes on to write, “The cravings were not cravings to me to eat them but actually keeping me far from them. Even after standing there looking at them which usually meant within a minute or two my hand-to-mouth action would take over and well, you know the rest. And it didn’t happen this time around!” There must be about nine exclamation points after that.
“I can’t believe this!!!!” Four more exclamation points or five more exclamation points. “The other affirmation of my miracle is I’ve lost 11 pounds in 11 days. ‘WHAT?! Come again? 11 pounds in 11 days?’ There must be something wrong with my scale as it never seemed to move in a downward motion.”
She continues that next week, she and her girlfriend are taking a salsa class at a dance studio, starting Thursday. One day a week for six weeks. She says, “That’s not me or it was at one time and could quite possibly be me again? Renée I’m in tears right now because I wouldn’t have done this without you and would want to praise you for what you’ve given me. A new chance at life after 23 years of marriage and no children, I still have a life and future ahead of me as a much better person who finally can say, ‘I love myself.’ And is it loving yourself the first thing before loving others? Thanks Renée.”
I’m so inspired by Lisa’s message and by her and the other listeners willingness to allow me to share these inspirational emails that I get. Again, truly it is why I do what I do and it’s so exciting for me to hear all of the new possibilities that are created when we do and the weight struggle.
Now on that note, I wanted to share something with you that is actually have been very important to me and it relates to you as well. My mission statement which I share on every episode of Inside Out Weight Loss, ending the weight struggle and replacing it with and each week I kind of change around what we were replacing it with and then we heard from a whole bunch of listeners of the amazing things that you want to replace your weight struggles with.
Well, my mission statement has actually evolved in a new direction. Yes my mission statement has had an update and this is not something that happens very frequently but I have recently, in fact this last week articulated the second half of my mission statement in a way that truly fits for me and I can’t wait to hear what you think of it.
Here it goes, my mission is to end the weight struggle you know that part already. But the second part is the part that has evolved. So my mission is to end the weight struggle, enabling others to express their soul’s gift. That’s right. Enabling you, enabling all of you as many people as I can possibly reach around the world to replace the weight struggle with the ability to express your soul’s gift. That ultimately is what really jazzes me. Because as you know, it is not about losing a couple of pounds to be ready for swimsuit season or having the jeans be able to button this morning when they couldn’t button yesterday. All that stuff is great. It is fun and we take the joy where we can get it. We love that stuff. It’s wonderful and that is just the tip of the iceberg.
That is just the cherry on top, sorry about the food metaphor. But that’s just the little bit on top, the tip of the iceberg because there is so much more that is made possible when we get the heck out of our own way. When we turned down the volume, when we think and turned down the volume on our inner critic and begin truly and fully living our lives.
Now the first step of that is going out there and having some fun because I think most of us, most of you are probably a little overdue for some real genuine fun and enjoyment in life. And beyond that, there’s this other level the level of the soul’s gift.
Now what do I mean by soul’s gift? What is your soul’s gift? What I mean by soul’s gift is what you were given. One of the talents, one of the desires that you were given and are meant to be expressing in this lifetime. And it could be a soul’s gift that you were meant to express on a very local level or on a grand level. That really doesn’t matter. In fact, in the grand scheme of things, it’s all the same whether it’s affecting the people in your immediate family, or your mission is to effect far more people than that. It really doesn’t matter.
And I tell you what, we were talking last time about self acceptance and one of the common objections to accepting ourselves which is that, “Gosh if I accept myself as I am won’t I be complacent?” Everything OK, well, what if you’re thinking, “Gosh, you know, soul’s gift that stuff all sounds great and kind of esoteric and grandiose and yatta yatta, yatta, I don’t know. What I really want is to go lie on a beach somewhere and just look great, being the weight that I want to be and not have to worry about it so I can go and have a good old time. That’s what I care about. That’s what I want.”
And I say, “Well, wonderful, I’m so happy and I got news for you. Your soul’s gift has a way of seeping out when you least expect it.” That’s right.
So let’s say, let’s just say for a moment that you pull an Elizabeth Gilbert and you go out, eat, pray, love around the world and you end up on a beach in Bali, doing your thing as a naturally slender person. You know like, whatever soul’s gift yeah, yeah yeah. I’m here on the beach having a grand old time and yet you are at peace with yourself.
And so when you connect with the waiter in the little tiki on the beach and you show kindness to the waiter that’s your soul’s gift escaping, seeping out. When you smile at someone on the street, that’s your soul’s gift seeping out. That’s your soul’s gift revealing itself. That sparkle of light that others see in your eyes.
And so that’s what I see as my mission, to enable you to do that and even if it’s lounging on a beach in Bali, being kind to people that you meet. Giving complements to someone you have never met before. It doesn’t matter because that is as important as doing something at a global level. We each have a roll to play in this lifetime. So I wanted to share that with you. I’m also very interested to know what your soul’s gift is?
It’s time for us to take a break now. And when we come back, we’ll talk more about your soul’s gift. Understanding and expressing your soul’s gift as well as go deeper into self acceptance.
This is Renée Stephens, and you’re listening to Inside Out Weight Loss on Personal Life Media.
Renée Stephens: We’re back now. Before the break we were talking about expressing your soul’s gift. So let us pause here for a moment because I know that sometimes thinking about something like a soul’s gift might seem a little overwhelming, a little intimidating, and in case you have a fear reaction when I say that. In case you go, “Oh my God do I actually have a soul’s gift in there? Is there something that I could be meant to do out there to other people? Could my life possibly matter even if it’s something as small and seemingly insignificant as smiling at someone on the street or letting driver in before me on the freeway?”
So let’s just imagine for a moment that yeah you get a little bit…aaargh freaked outish when you start thinking about expressing your soul’s gift. OK, well that’s just fine. It doesn’t matter.
You know what this journey is about. It is about moving forward, progress, not perfection, self correcting and learning. So let’s say that, yeah you have a little hesitation when you hear me talk about it. But I still want you to think about it. If you don’t know what your soul’s gift is, if you don’t know yet, right? Maybe you have some hints about it?
Let’s just pretend that you wanted to know. Let’s just pretend that you would like to explore it because you know, at this point you don’t have to go and express it. You don’t have to do anything with it but it’d be kind of nice to know if you did have one, what the heck it would be?
So go ahead and explore it in the safety of your imagination. Take hidden glances at it while waiting in the check out line or stopped at traffic lights. Then let your mind go while you’re lathering in the shower. Or in the gym, turn your stepping to nowhere to stepping toward this castle in the sky. The castle of your soul’s gift.
I’ll borrow a line from Walt Disney, who said, “I can’t see it yet,” he is talking about his dreams, he says, “I can’t see it clearly yet but I can tell you that it is beautiful. That it is magnificent.” This I know about you, about what’s there for you underneath your struggle.
And by the way, my job isn’t to make you express it either. My job is simply to enable you then the choice is yours. But remember it does tend to leak out, to seep out in the most delightful ways.
So here is your homework, write in your journal, post to the Yahoo group or other groups that you might have or discuss with your support buddies, “What is my soul’s gift?’ I want you to contemplate this. Imagine if you have one, what would it be? And how might you express it. Big or small, have fun. Enjoy it.
OK. Let’s move again our thoughts and our attention to self acceptance, unconditional self-acceptance. Last week, we were in fact talking about the fear that unconditional self acceptance could lead to complacency that you wouldn’t be motivated.
Let’s say a couple of more words about that. At the atomic and sub-atomic levels, we know science knows now that matter is always in motion and so when we perceive ourselves as stuck as not in motion. It actually doesn’t mean that we’re standing still. What it means is that the forces that are there to move us forward are met by equal forces moving us backwards.
What is the sound like to you? What’s another way of describing this? Conflict. It means that we are in conflict. If we are stuck, we are simply stuck in conflict where there are forces in one direction, directly opposed by forces in another direction. So let’s apply this to self acceptance, to unconditional self acceptance. Not the kind of self acceptance that says, “because you find me super skinny then I’m OK” but rather the kind of acceptance that says, “I am good just as I am” that’s the kind of self acceptance that we’re talking about by the way, just to make that perfectly clear.
So let’s put it in that structure of conflict resolution which you may remember from one of the earliest episodes. And so we say, there’s a part of us that says, “yes to self acceptance” there’s a part of us that say, “absolutely yes” to self acceptance and ther’s a part of us that says, “no to self acceptance.” It says no to accepting ourselves as we are.
And the question that we want to ask is what is the gift of the part of us that says, no to self acceptance? What is the gift that that part of us is trying to give us? What it could be? What is it for you?
There’s a gift that the part of us that says yes to self acceptance is giving us and there’s a gift that the part of us that says no, is trying to give us. These two parts have been in conflict but not at the level of the gifts that they want to give us.
So let’s just imagine for a moment that your ‘yes’ part, yes to self acceptance wants to give you a gift of perhaps, love or happiness. And then let’s say that the part of you that says ‘no to self acceptance’ wants to give you a gift too. That part of you, the ‘no to self acceptance’ part of you wants to give you the gift of, gosh, I don’t know what it might be. It could be something like motivation to be your best, for example. Then you say, “oh, OK, well I like the idea of motivation to be my best”. I like that, and I also like the idea of self love. These are both really good things.
In fact, I’d really love to have both because they both be so much better together. And it is from that place that we resolved the conflict and what appears to be stuckness becomes greater ease and forward motion at the same time.
This is the basis. What we are discussing now is the basis for the conflict resolution or sabotage, self sabotage journey that I have posted on my site. And in fact, I’m about to record another similar journey, ‘yes and no to self acceptance’ which is excellent for all of us who want to accept ourselves at a greater or deeper level. This is especially effective for those who have been through compulsive eating patterns such as those with an eating disorder.
Self-acceptance is job one for those who really struggle with an eating disorder or binge eating because once we accept ourselves unconditionally, then that pattern of crime and punishment shall we say, completely shifts.
The conflict shifts. It is like a tug-of-war, I think I used the tag-of-war metaphor in one of the earliest episodes where you have the big thick rope and both sides are pulling on the rope. Sweating and struggling, pulling and tugging. The center of the rope where with a little flag there, it would barely move. You know what that’s like? That’s like being stuck, that’s what stuck looks like. It looks like that center and if you were only looking at the center, you’d say, “Oh gosh, that’s just stuck in there, it never moves any very far, it can’t seem to move. It must be stuck” Then you expand your vision and you see that there is a team on each side pulling everything they have against the other team and you say, “wait a minute that’s not stuck that’s struggle.”
And so when both teams put down the rope and come together, they go 10 times as far with the 10th of the effort. That’s what it is to be easy. That’s what ending the weight struggle does, is it makes it easy. How can it possibly be easy? Because we are in inner alignment. That’s the secret.
That brings us to the end of our show today. Thank you for being present.
Have you checked out the blog yet? At personallifemedia.com/renee. Lots of great articles for you to comment on as well as links to things like Inside Out Weight Loss Journals. Inside Out weight Loss tote bag, Inside Out Weight Loss coffee mug. Wouldn’t it be great to have a reminder of Inside Out weight Loss with you as you drink from a butterfly logo mug? It’s a great conversation starter because if you’re interested in sharing your inspiration with others which is a great way to advance yourself. Sometimes it’s nice to have a conversation starter. So think about that. There are also guided journeys available for sale on my site which is mindforbody.com.
And if you want to listen to other shows on the Personal Life Media Network, like the one I mentioned earlier today called Living Dialogues hosted by Duncan Campbell, go to personallifemedia.com and check out all of the great shows that are available to you.
This is your host Renée Stephens and I am on a mission to eradicate the weight struggle from the planet. Enabling others to share their soul’s gift, join me as we evolve the world by evolving ourselves.
Take good care.