Episode 38: Letting Go of Blocks to Self Acceptance
In this episode in our series of self-acceptance, we ask, why bother? Doesn’t self acceptance lead to complacency? Can’t we hate ourselves thin? Learn the surprising answers and why you just might want to seriously consider unconditionally accepting yourself right now, before you become slim. Plus, how to turn jealousy around into fuel for your dream future.
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Renée Stephens: Welcome to “Inside Out Weight Loss”, I’m your host, Renée Stephens and together we’re accessing the control panel of your mind/body system, bringing ease and joy to your weight loss journey and fullness to the rest of your life.
On today’s show, how to turn your jealousy around and letting go of your blocks to self acceptance.
Renée Stephens: What would it be like for you to look back after two or three years, even five years and feel so excited for how far you’ve come and what a wonderful place that you’re in now. Perhaps there are even aspects of your life that you didn’t even dream possible before, but now you live them.
Perhaps some of your dreams have already come true and your only job now is to dream the future that you truly want to live. So as we’re becoming more present to the now allow yourself to place in your future the dreams that uniquely fit you. The inspiration that you get from others who have what you want so that you can adapt it to uniquely fit you and place and place it in your future, that this is the dream that you are choosing to create now.
So, what about those objections to self-acceptance, and its really important. The reason we’re taking time here is because if you have objections to accepting yourself, as you are you won’t do it in a lasting and pervasive way. So we want to take lots of time here to really address any concerns that you might have about accepting yourself exactly as you are.
Renée Stephens: Lets go ahead and take a moment to become present with ourselves. To arrive to the reality of listening to this show, to this episode and become truly present to your own inner and outer experience. Take a moment to drop inside, now its time to spend time with you.
Start by simply being, simply being and being aware of your breath, of your heart beats, of your inner experience. Notice where you are in your day, in your week, in your month, in your year and in your life. Orient yourself in time to where you are and notice in fact that the future is open, the future is still undetermined. Its in this moment, in this present moment that we create the future that we will be living. We create it.
So lets take this episode, lets dedicate this episode to creating a future that we love, a future that we truly enjoy.
Image for a moment the best possible future life for you. Where would you like to be in a month’s time, in six month’s time, in a year’s time? What would it be like for you to look back after two or three years, even five years and feel so excited for how far you’ve come and what a wonderful place that you’re in now. Perhaps there are even aspects of your life that you didn’t even dream possible before, but now you live them. Perhaps some of your dreams have already come true and your only job now is to dream the future that you truly want to live, an authentic future. A future that truly and perfectly suits you, which wouldn’t suit anybody else as well as it suits you. Just like someone else’s life wouldn’t suit you as well as it suits them.
You know when we think about jealously, jealously is a common thing that I think just about everybody has experienced at one time or another. Jealously or envy, its always thinking, “Oh my goodness I wish that I could have what that person has, it looks so great.” And you know to me, jealously, and having experienced quite enough of it myself, and really struggled with this one and I’m happy to say in most cases, come out the other side, almost all cases, that what jealously really is about is stopping our thinking process, our imagination too short. Jealously is about stopping our imagination too short.
What do I mean by that? What I mean is that when we look at someone and we think, “Oh I’m jealous of them, they have the perfect body, or the perfect spouse or the perfect job or the perfect income or whatever it is, they have it and its so perfect and I’m so jealous and envious. And oh my gosh everything always works out so perfectly for that person.”
What we are neglecting to do is really think about, “Well gosh if I could have that, would I want it? If I could have that would I want it?” So, say for example I think about having a 30 room mansion somewhere or houses all over the globe. Maybe I think about that and I think, “Well gosh, if I could have that, would I really want it?” That’s something that we don’t often ask, because the answer isn’t necessarily yes. You may want it, and then again on reflection you may not.
Would you like to be a celebrity? Well think about it, what is the life of a celebrity like? The life of a celebrity is a life with very little freedom. Because if you’re an A list celebrity you’ve likely got paparazzi following you all over the place. Maybe you wouldn’t like that; maybe you don’t have your anonymity then.
Maybe there’s someone’s body and you think, “Oh my goodness they have the perfect body.” Well, number one, are they the age that you are? Because no one gets any longer at a given age than anybody else unless of course you survive and the other person doesn’t. And we know what’s preferable in that instance, at least for most of us. So if you look at someone who’s younger than you are and say, “Oh my goodness I wish I had that body, or even, I wish I had the body that I had ten or twenty years ago”, you’re neglecting to notice the fact that you’ve had the opportunity to live these extra years that that person has not yet. With the younger body comes lack of experience, naivety, etcetera.
So I encourage you, if you find yourself feeling jealous about someone to take it the next step and ask yourself, “Well, gosh if I could truly have that, would I want it?” The answer may be yes and it may be no. Well maybe you would truly want it; maybe there is something that you truly want. In that case add it right into your dream, put that piece into your dream and make it suitable precisely and beautifully for you. Make it your special body, your special house, your special income, whatever it is, but make it uniquely suited to you because otherwise it won’t fit. So as we’re becoming more present to the now, allow yourself to place in the future the dreams that uniquely fit you.
The inspiration that you get from others who have what you want so that you can adapt it to uniquely fit you and place it in future. That this is the dream that you are choosing to create now. Just like this is the dream that you are choosing to create for your body now. This is the body, this is the lifestyle, this is what you are choosing to create now.
OK, have you set you intention yet for this episode? Go ahead and do that as I set mine, which is to help you achieve your and to end the weight struggle by replacing it with freedom, fun and joy. While we are in this place lets take a moment to connect with all of the other listeners of “Inside Out Weight Loss” across space and time. Feel their energy, feel their support as you send yours to them and it magnifies hundreds of thousands of times over. This is the power of collective intent.
Listeners have been commenting on the value of putting themselves first on the blog at personallifemedia.com\renee, that’s r-e-n-e-e. And I wanted to share with you what Michelle wrote as a comment to the blog.
She writes, “I’m finally getting this down into my spirit and can actually schedule time to do what I need for myself, stop to eat healthily, stop to get enough sleep, stop to get in my exercise. I was never really good about setting my boundaries before. I was a people pleaser and believed that being a good daughter, wife, mother, sister or friend meant that I had to put others before myself.
The oxygen mask metaphor broke through to me and I really got it that I can’t be my best for others if I have not first taken care of me. I’m getting stronger and healthier and more confident daily. With each good choice I feel more joy in my journey. And each time I slip a little I don’t punishment myself with disappointment or thoughts of failure. I’m able to say thank goodness I can self correct and move on with enjoying my day. No more self defeating thoughts to deal with, thank you Renee.”
And thank you Michelle for sharing that with us. Lets take a break now to support our sponsors and when we come back we’ll talk more about self-acceptance and overcoming those objections to self-acceptance.
This is Renee Stephens and you are listening to “Inside Out Weight Loss” on personallifemedia.
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Renee Stephens: We’re back now. Before the break we were listening to a comment written by Michelle on how putting herself first has changed her life.
And now I’d like to talk more about self-acceptance. Over the last few episodes we’ve been talking all about self-acceptance and we even went through a guided journey to enhance your self-acceptance. And I want to take some time today to pause and really look at the objections that many of us have to accepting ourselves as we are.
We’ve already talked about the way that we accept children and animals exactly the way they are. And because we accept them as they are, imperfect creatures, we are compelled to take magnificent care of them. We are compelled to give our children the best, we are compelled to give them the experiences and the things that we never had when we were children. We are compelled to give our pets a comfortable lifestyle. That’s why pet products and pet veterinary care has taken off over the last decades. So that people sometimes spend more on their pets than they do on charity, for example. Look at Leona Helmsley and the millions of dollars that she left to her dog. Why, because she felt unconditional self-acceptance for that dog of hers. And in return she wanted to make sure the dog was happy. The acceptance led her to take magnificent care.
And by the way please let me know by commenting on the blog of the positive shifts and changes that have occurred as a result of last week’s guided journey. What did you notice the most? What’s been the most helpful to you?
OK, lets do a reality check here. Why the heck does self-acceptance matter? Why am I going on and on about it, episode after episode, self-acceptance, yada, yada, yada? I mean, what does it really have to do with weight loss anyway? Can’t I just beat myself into submission and become thin? Can’t I hate myself thin?
If we were in a seminar I’d say, “Raise you hand if you’ve tried the hate yourself thin method”, I certainly have. But I didn’t try it just once, I tried it again and again and again and again. And the question is how’s it worked out for you? I love that question, I think it’s a Dr. Phil question. How’s that working out for you, the hate yourself thin method? Maybe it’s working; of course if it’s working maybe you’re not listening to this show.
I have to tell you I’ve actually revised my opinion on this. I used to say that you cannot hate yourself thin and expect it to last. And I’ve been thinking more and more about this and I think that actually you can. You can choose the path of hating yourself thin. Anorexics do it and some of them last a good long time. In fact they’re thin right up until the point they die from being too thin, so that’s one path. And even there are people who hate themselves thin who use exercise as a way of self punishment, who use food deprivation as a way of self punishment, that do manage to become thin. Now they’re thin and miserable but they’re thin.
A client told me about her daughter-in-law, I think I may have mentioned this before, who explained to her that sometimes she gets so hungry she cries. But it’s worth it because that’s what it takes to be thin. And I think, “Oh my goodness, if that’s what it takes I don’t want it, its not worth it.”
So lets imagine my conclusion is that yeah, I think its possible to hate yourself thin, and even for some people, for some, not me, I wasn’t successful at it, I was a complete failure at hating myself thin and staying thin that way, but its possible for some people, a small group of people to do it and have it last. If you want that I invite you to do it, go for it. Knowing of course that if you’re busy hating yourself thin then you’re going to be thin and miserable. That is not the inside out weight loss way.
The inside out weight loss way is to love and accept yourself thin so that you end up like Leona Helmsley’s dog. I mean, I’m sorry, so that you end up really happy and feeling magnificent, so that you can give of your gifts to the world. So that you can fully live and express your life. That’s what inside out weight loss is about, loving ourselves healthy and slender.
There’s a great quote by Queen Latifah in an ad out that I’ve seen recently and she says, it’s what size do you want to be and she says, “I want to be a size healthier.” I just love that.
So what about those objections to self-acceptance? Its really important, the reason we’re taking time here is because if you have objections to accepting yourself as you are you won’t do it in a lasting and pervasive way. So we want to take lots of time here to really address any concerns that you might have about accepting yourself exactly as you are. And I can tell you that for years I had a very strong objection. And the objection was that if I accept myself as I am I will not be motivated to change.
What do you think; does self-acceptance lead to complacency? Does feeling good now lead to stagnation? Like the soma stoned citizens of Aldous Huxley’s “Brave New World” will we sit around eating bon-bons in blubberous bliss if we accept ourselves? I guess we could also say, “well, who’s going to care if we’re blissful?” But, alas back to the point, we’ll leave those existential questions for another time.
Does self-acceptance lead to complacency? Now we have the one example of children, when they are accepted as they are they thrive and grow. So what if self-acceptance leads to nurturing? What if self-acceptance leads to nurturing ourselves? Can you imagine that for yourself? Can you imagine loving and accepting yourself so much right now that you felt an overwhelming loving desire to nurture yourself? To take the very best care you possibly can of you and notice and enjoy the consequences of that. Of what you then have available, of your garden thriving so that you can then feed, not just yourself, but others. So that you have flowers from which to make bouquets to give and brighten other peoples lives.
So think about that, if this is an objection, if your objection or concern is that self acceptance will lead to stagnation or complacency I encourage you to ask yourself this question: What is the positive intent, what is the positive intent of my objection to self acceptance? In other words, what is the positive intent of me being so darn hard on myself? What is the positive intent of that? And open up and really let the answer come to you.
OK, lets talk about another common objection to accepting yourself as you are. And that is the ‘I don’t deserve it’ objection. You might in the back of your mind, in your subconscious mind think, “You know, I really don’t deserve it, I’m not worth accepting myself as I am.” So if that’s what’s coming up with you let me ask you this question, who is worth it? What makes them worth it?
When the veil of judgment slips away could we ever really say that someone does or doesn’t deserve to be accepted? When we get right down to their essence, to their soul, is one soul truly more accepting than another? Or do you believe that in fact all people are created equal? This is what most spiritual traditions teach, that we are all equal in the eyes of God, or spirits or Ala. That we are all born equal, even if we’re born equal sinners; we’re all born equal. And if that’s true how could anyone deserve acceptance more than anyone else? And if for a moment you think, “Well what if they did then who gets to decide who’s more deserving? “Who gets to decide, who stands in the robes behind the bench and hits their gable and says, “You are deserving and you are not?” Who among us can do that?
Thank about it and when you come to a place where you feel that all of you is aligned and congruent with accepting yourself as you are then you’ll be ready for next week’s episode of “Inside Out Weight Loss”, where I’ll be taking you on another guided journey. Once you’re congruent about self acceptance I’ll be taking you on a guided journey to enrich and deepen that sense of self acceptance that you’ve already begun to experience and nurture just by listening to this show. That brings us to the end of our show today. Thank you for being present.
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If you like what you hear here and would like to go deeper consider buying the audio journeys available on my site at: mindforbody.com, m-i-n-d-f-o-r-b-o-d-y.com, also available as a link on my blog: personallifemedia.com\renee. If you do those journeys I recommend that you do the sabotage, self sabotage process first because that creates a beautiful foundation for moving forward.
And while you’re on the blog post a comment, take the listener survey and let us know who you are, have fun participating. Join the Yahoo group or the other online communities or start your own. Form a podcast group because remember that you’ll get out double, triple or many times more than what you put in from this journey. But you must put in to get out. Start a podcast group, meet weekly, share ideas and support one another because we are wounded in community and we are healed in community.
I’m your host, Renée Stephens and I am on a mission to eradicate the weight struggle from the planet and replace it with freedom, fun and joy. Join me each week as we evolve the world by evolving ourselves. Take good care.
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