Episode 37: Overcoming Objections to Self Acceptance
Big-occasion meals can be a real trigger for over-eating. Special restaurants, parties, and events can often throw us way out of balance. On today’s episode, learn a simple question that will set you up for success, so you enjoy these meals long after they are over. Plus, today we learn how to overcome the number one objection to self-acceptance.
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Renée Stephens: Welcome to Inside-Out Weight Loss. I’m your host Renée Stephens and together we’re accessing the control panel of your mind, body, system, bringing ease and joy to your weight loss journey and fullness to the rest of your life. On today’s show, a simple question to handle big occasion meals the naturally slender way and overcoming the number one objection to accepting ourselves as we are.
Showing up in the world and healing ourselves isn’t just for us. This is the ultimate act of generosity.
Because the wisdom of children is that they….If there’s a contrast, if there’s a conflict between what we say and what we do, they will always go with what we do.
Remember the practice of turning things around and stating them in the positive? We state them in the positive because our mind goes to what we say. Our mind does not understand a negative command. The subconscious mind doesn’t get it.
So, let’s take a moment to arrive and be present for this show and with ourselves. Notice how you’re feeling in this moment. Go ahead and drop inside and become present with you. This is a time that we dedicate to positive transformation. A time that we dedicate to our own highest good. We dedicate to healing ourselves so that we might heal others.
Remember, world peace begins with inner peace. Imagine what it would be like if the other souls on this planet, the other people on this planet, if all of us truly tended to healing ourselves before we went out into the world and tried to do things to other people. Imagine the amount of suffering that would be relieved. Because, let’s face it, suffering begins within. And to the extent that we can become at peace with ourselves, at peace within ourselves, we can share that with other people. So, when I say world peace begins with inner peace, I truly mean that. I mean that when you show up in the world, in a place of peace inside, or acceptance…What we’ve been discussing in the last episode, and what we’ll be discussing today…When you show up from a place of self acceptance, a place of peace and tranquility in the world, imagine the difference that that makes to other people. Imagine how other people see you and will respond to you when you come from that place. That place of being without an agenda, without any negative energy or negative thoughts, or critical self-evaluation going on. And instead from a place of self acceptance. A place of peace. A place of fulfillment or joy. Whatever it is that you’re replacing your weight struggle with. Showing up in the world and healing ourselves isn’t just for us. This is the ultimate act of generosity. Remember what we were talking about a few episodes ago when I talked about enlightened selfishness. And enlightened selfishness is all about putting ourselves first. Putting our own oxygen mask on first so that we can better help others in the world.
So, let’s take these moments for us. Let’s take these moments and dedicate this show to our own enlightened selfishness. The kind of selfishness that allows us to give of our gifts to the rest of the world. By taking care of ourselves, by accepting ourselves, we can give more to the world. We can be role models to those around us. As I think I’ve mentioned before, people do ask me with some frequency, “What about kids?” Perhaps you’re concerned about your own children, concerned about passing along your weight struggle to your children. Or you see the children of others and you think, “My goodness. How can I help?” And the best way, the first way, the place to start to help children, to help other people, is by being a role model. By helping yourself first. By setting an example. Because the wisdom of children is that they….If there’s a contrast, if there’s a conflict between what we say and what we do, they will always go with what we do. So, if you come through congruently and you model the behaviors that you want them to have, if you model the attitudes that you want them to have, they will learn from you. Whereas, if you tell that what they should do without doing it yourself, they’ll learn what you do. So, again, if we want to help others, if we want to truly give of our gifts to this world, then the first place to start is with ourselves.
So, with that said, let’s become present with ourselves. Present with the intention of acceptance. Because this show and the last show are dedicated to self acceptance. And not just any kind of self acceptance, but unconditional self acceptance. So, with that said, be inside. Become present with you. Notice your inner experience. Take an inventory of the feelings, of the sensations, of the thoughts, of the images that are in your mind now. Simply become aware of whatever it is that’s going on. Of where you are in this moment. Notice what you’re seeing with your eyes and if your eyes are closed what you see with your eyes closed. What you’re hearing with your ears. What you’re feeling in your body and with your body. Perhaps you’re seated and you can feel the way your weight is supported. Or you’re standing and you feel the way that your weight is supported. Perhaps you’re exercising and you can feel your body in motion. And notice the joy of a body in motion. Notice the joy, even if you’re gruntin’ and groanin’, thinking, “Oh my God, when will this be over?” That thought has occurred to me while I’m pounding away on the elliptical. But, at the same time, isn’t it a gift, really, that we can be on those machines? That our bodies work in a way that allow us to be that way? Notice that gift, the gift of movement that your body affords you. And now, add to that experience of appreciation for your body…a memory. A thought of something for which you’re grateful. Something that you truly feel blessed to have in your life. Something that makes you feel good inside. Think of something that makes you feel truly grateful and happy. And I know there’s something…There may, in fact, be many things. If you were to sit down and write a list of all of the things that you’re grateful for, I bet that list would have quite a few things on it. It’s all a matter of our perspective anyway, isn’t it? I’m grateful for the fact that I had Chronic Fatigue. I’m grateful for the fact that I used to have an eating disorder, what would be diagnosed as an eating disorder. I’m grateful because those were gifts for me because they had huge silver linings. So, if I can be grateful for that, I’m also grateful for the fact that I’m alive. As my father used to say, “Everyday I wake up and I read the newspaper and I look at the obituaries and if my name isn’t there, it’s a good day.” So, as you think about something that you’re grateful for, allow that feeling…notice that feeling…and allow that feeling to build and grow within you throughout today’s episode of Inside-Out Weight Loss. Go ahead and set your intention for today. Let it arise and present itself to you, whatever it is.
My intention, as you know, is to end the weight struggle starting with you. Replacing it with whatever it is that you most want. Freedom, fun, fulfillment, light, joy…All of the above and more. And, while we’re in this place, just take a few moments to connect with all of the other listeners of this show across space and time. We’re united in our desire to end the weight struggle, replacing it with lives that we truly love to live. We’re on a journey together here. Send them your support and feel theirs as it comes back to you magnified tens and hundreds of thousands of times over.
I wanted to share with you a recent post from the Inside-Out Weight Loss Yahoo Group. This member of the Yahoo group writes, “Last night I was out with friends at a restaurant and I normally would have told myself that I wouldn’t overeat and would stop when satisfied, only to stuff myself beyond full. Well, even though what I ordered probably had a lot of calories, I ate light all day in preparation and the best part is that I didn’t feel sick when I left. Normally after eating out, I jokingly say, ‘Just roll me out to the car.’ But last night I felt good. That’s a big step for me. People are starting to notice my 16-pound weight loss so far and my friends lovingly call me, ‘saggy butt…’” (Love that.) “Because all of my pants are starting to fall off.” That’s what’s known as a good problem to have, by the way. And I’m really interested in this comment that she writes. And I just wanted to mention for a moment where she says, “Normally, what I would do is that I would go out and I would tell myself that I will not overeat.” Now, what do you notice about that structure? Remember the practice of turning things around and stating them in the positive? We state them in the positive because our mind goes to what we say. Our mind does not understand a negative command. The subconscious mind doesn’t get it. So, even if you say, “not,” it still goes to what we’re talking about. So, she says, “I won’t overeat. I won’t overeat.” What’s the message that’s going in? “Overeat. Overeat. Overeat.” And then she says, “I’d stop when satisfied.” Now, there’s a positive command that can happen. So, if you’re telling yourself about a future event and you say, “Well, I want to…How do I want this to go?” State it in the positive.
And I wanted to share with you another technique that you can use that I have found to be enormously successful in going to restaurants, or events, or parties, in terms of helping us end the evening the way we want to end it. To really maximize our enjoyment of the evening. And, of course, we know that Inside-Out Weight Loss is all about maximizing enjoyment. This is the lose-weight-and-feel-better option. Lose-weight-and-enjoy-it option. That’s what this journey is all about it and I want you to be sure to remember that because that is key to the Inside-Out Weight Loss principles.So, before I give you t his technique, because it’s really easy and it’s a lot of fun, let’s go ahead and take a break to support our sponsors.
This is Renée Stephens and you’re listening to Inside-Out Weight Loss on Personal Life Media.
We’re back now…
Before the break, I promised to tell you about a technique to use for special events, going out to restaurants. It’s very, very simple and it is amazingly powerful because that’s the kind of technique that I love to teach you: Simple, easy, powerful…Love it!
So, here it is…All we do is we think about, we think about…Ok, say we have a big, fancy meal going out to a special restaurant, a special banquet, a special party, whatever it is…Big meal. So, here’s the question that I want you to ask yourself before you go. The question is, “How do I want to feel at the end of this evening? How do I want to feel at the end of this evening? How do I want to feel walking out of this restaurant? Walking out of this party? Walking out of this place? How do I want to feel at the end of the evening?” Notice that that’s what that member of the Yahoo group said. She said, “The best part is that I didn’t feel sick when I left.” Now, that’s…Which is fantastic. And she might want to even notice how she felt instead. So, last night, she says, “But last night I felt good.” So, if you’d like to feel good walking out, notice how that would be in your stomach. What stomach feeling? What level of fullness? Is it belly eight parts? ((missing text)) Or is it something else? Do you want to go to ten parts for this evening? Or seven parts? How do you want to feel at the end of the evening and even the next day? And I’ve found that often I don’t even have to go to the next day, I just like to think about how I’d like to feel at the end of the evening. Just that thought, just that quick thought in my mind is enough to program my mind to reach that goal.
So, I want you to experiment with that question. Write it down and experiment with that question. “How do I want to feel at the end of this evening?” You can even play with it for a regular, old evening at home. “How do I want to feel at the end of the evening?” Now you’ve given your subconscious mind a target to aim at. And, again, it doesn’t matter if you get it perfect or not. Who the heck cares? ‘Cause we always self correct and we’re on a learning journey. But play around with that. Have fun with it and let me know by commenting on the blog how it goes for you.
OK, so, last episode we were talking about self acceptance. And we talked specifically about the number one objection that most people have to accepting themselves unconditionally. And this number one objection to accepting themselves unconditionally is simply the belief, the notion that if we accept ourselves as we are, flawed, imperfect, mortal human beings, then we will not change. We’ll become complacent or lazy. And I shared the analogy of the way that we feel towards children, and puppies, and kittens, and animals, all sorts of animals…That children who are not accepted and loved can have a condition called, “failure to thrive.” And, let’s face it, the weight struggle, if it’s anything, it is a failure to thrive. So, if we want to treat our own failure to thrive syndrome, the answer is clear. Failure to thrive…One treatment, one affective treatment for failure to thrive is self acceptance. By accepting ourselves exactly as we are. Well, we want to start being nice to ourselves. Just like we want to take care of children, or puppies, or kittens, or any kind of animal. Because if we truly accept something, if we feel lovingly towards something, then naturally, we want to take wonderful care of it. So, therefore, why would we want to do something that was hurtful? We wouldn’t.
So, self acceptance, unconditional self acceptance is a pathway to thrive. It is a foundation piece upon which you can build the good self-nurturing behaviors, the enlightenedly selfish self-nurturing behaviors that will allow you to be the body size and the fitness level that you want to be. In fact, it’s quite the opposite from what you might think. The more that we accept ourselves the way we are, the more that we want to take care of ourselves. The better that we will look, feel, and be.
Now, this isn’t just my idea. Sure, it is my idea, but I’m borrowing and building off of a lot of other traditions. So, let’s take the Christian tradition, for example (the one with which I’m most familiar)…In the Christian tradition, there’s the idea of original sin. Now how could original sin have anything to do with self acceptance, you might be asking. And the way that original sin has to do with self acceptance is simply this….The idea is that God (Jesus, for example, in the Christian tradition) accepts us even though we are sinners. There’s that line from the song, “Amazing Grace” which is truly one of my very favorite songs, where we say, “Who saved a wretch like me.” So, the idea is that God, or Jesus, or spirit, or Allah, or whatever it is for you….But in the Christian tradition, the idea is that God and Jesus are so compassionate that they will accept us in spite of the fact that we’re sinners, that we are inherently flawed. That’s the notion of original sin. That is the sweetness of original sin. And in order to bring sweetness into our own lives, we must forgive ourselves for our flaws and imperfections. Because anything that is perfect is not growing. Anything that’s perfect does not change. So, if we want to grow and change we have to be imperfect. Perhaps it’s even our imperfections that make us lovable.
Again, think about a baby, a newborn baby…If you’ve ever seen a newborn baby, if you’ve had a newborn baby in your life, or perhaps a newborn pet or animal…I’ll talk about babies because that’s something that I know about having two children myself…When they are just born, they come out of the mother’s belly and they are not good-looking. I’m telling you, they are funny-looking creatures. If you’ve ever seen one, you know what I’m talking about. They are crinkly, they are completely unable to control themselves, they are incontinent. They’re often crying. And they do nothing more, really, than cry, eat, sleep, poop, and pee. That’s it. And, on top of it, they’re often coated with this funny, yellowy film all over their bodies. But ask any new parent, ask anyone whose been around a newborn baby, what it is about them that’s so compelling, and ironically it is their very vulnerability that makes them so compelling. That makes us know in our hearts that we must love and take care of them because they are vulnerable. What if that were the case for you? What if it were your vulnerabilities, your imperfections that make you lovable? What if it were precisely the things that you do not accept about yourself, your flaws, your humanity, that makes you lovable? That makes you human? What if that were true? And what if you loved yourself just because? So that every time you look in the mirror, you see your soul shining back at you? You see the light of your soul shining back at you through your eyes? Through your aliveness? What if?
That brings us to the end of our show today. Thank you for being present.
On the next episode of Inside-Out Weight Loss, we’ll continue our series on self-acceptance…unconditional self-acceptance, and I’ll be taking you another guided journey to enhance and deepen your own self acceptance so that you can thrive and grow.
If you enjoy this show and want to go further, consider purchasing the guided journeys available on my site. There is one called, Sabotage, Self Sabotage, which is a conflict-resolution process designed to bring you inner alignment. That’s the process that I recommend that you do first.
The other two journeys available on my site, www.mindforbody.com, are an appetite adjuster which is a way to adjust your appetite to match the body size that you want to be. Sometimes, we’re a little out of wack in terms of the amount of food that we think is reasonable and the appetite adjuster will allow you to make those adjustments to be in sync with the body that you want to be. To have an appetite that matches that naturally slender body.
And finally, the compulsion blow-out download is a powerful process to release you from a food compulsion. So, whatever it is, if it’s potato chips, or cake, or pastries, or sweets, whatever it is, listen to the compulsion blow-out and it will free you in such a way that you have a take-it-or-leave-it attitude towards that food. That doesn’t mean you’ll never want it again. Sometimes, people say to me, “Oh my God, I’m not ready to give it up forever. That sounds so long and dire. Oh my God.” I wouldn’t want you to do that. But what you might want to do, what most people choose is have a take-it-or-leave-it attitude. Which means, you know, I might, I might not, and I’m really at choice. If I’m gonna have it, it better be good and it better be just right. And I might very well have it but I might pass this time to better it enjoy it next time.
So, consider those journeys available for sale on my site. In addition, we would love to know who you are. Go to the blog on PersonalLifeMedia.com/Renee. Take our listener’s survey. Let us know who you are. Go to iTunes, add your five-star review. Join the Yahoo group. There are so many ways to share and contribute and become involved.
This is your host Renée Stephens and I am on a mission to eradicate the weight struggle from the planet replacing it with light and love. Join me as we evolve the world by evolving ourselves.
Take good care.
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