Episode 30 - YOU CAN BE AN EROTIC ROCKSTAR! with Destin Gerek

Transcript

Announcer: This program is intended for mature audiences only.

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Francesca Gentille: Welcome to Sex Tantra and Kama Sutra bringing you the soul of sex. I’m your host Francesca Gentille and with me today is Destin Gerek.

Destin Gerek: So finding those edges simply means saying okay you know what? I’m not a kid, I am an adult, I am stepping into my power and you know a part of my power is my erotic power.

You don’t ever have to take this public. It’s not about proving yourself to anyone else, it’s not about looking good to anyone else. All it is, is play, it’s exploration.

Unfortunately we tend to learn as part of our socialization process, part of that respecting of others is always about toning down of  self, that I’m not really a fan of.

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Francesca Gentille: Welcome to Sex, Tantra and Kama Sutra bringing you the soul of sex. I’m your host Francesca Gentille and with me today is Destin Gerek. Destin is an erotic rock star, a certified sexological body worker, a certified sex educator, an erotic embodiment coach, a certified massage therapist and an erotic performer and artist. In addition, Destin owns his own production company Erotic Rock Star Productions. Welcome Destin!

Destin Gerek: Thank you Francesca. It’s good to be here.

Francesca Gentille: You know the whole erotic rock star thing that is so intriguing and I have no idea what that means. What is an erotic rock star and is there ways that we can become one too?

Destin Gerek: Good question to start things off. Of course you can be, in fact you already are an erotic rock star, what are you talking about Francesca? You can call yourself whatever you want, I’m going to call you an erotic rock star.

So what is an erotic rock star? Well someone [xx] to myself, others are like, “Oh you mean like David Bowie?”, I am like, “No”. With David Bowie, what he was, was he embodied or expressed the erotic via being a rock star. Me I am expressing my eroticism and letting it embody itself via what it means to be a rock star. Rock star isn’t about playing music, rock star is a state of mind and that state of mind is where my current exploration of my own eroticism has brought itself.

Francesca Gentille: So when you say it’s a state of mind and I get to be one which I just love, does that mean that I think of a rock star, a star is I get to be the star of my own movie that I get to be the star of my own stage and that everyday, every moment I get to let myself shine, I get to be who I want to be and figure out what that is and really go out there and do it. Is that what you mean by rock star?

Destin Gerek: Well first of all if you aren’t the star of your own movie then who is? Of course you are the star of your own movie. Everyone out there whether you really recognize it, really embrace it or not, you are the star of your own movie. So come on, what my role is, is to tell you, “Go for it! Go for it!” Embrace it. Take it on.

What is it about the erotic rock star is really about taking, really reaching down, feeling into who your most erotic self is and saying, “Okay, okay, yes, yes.” Yes to that, I am letting you out, I am unleashing you into the world. All those [xx], places throughout your life where you told to tone it down a little, “Oh no!”. The million ways in which you were talked to, to not let our sexuality show in any way shape, or form or there’s only this way or that way that is acceptable to express it.

No, I’m here to tell you forget all that, reach in, shine, let it come out of you. Okay if you don’t want to, if you don’t feel comfortable right now expressing it in every moment of the day start finding where your edge is and where you can take those little itsy bitsy stuff to bring it out, to reach down and say, “Yes, erotic rock star, go!”

Francesca Gentille: So here we are talking about those edges which sounds very intriguing and feeling into the erotic self. I’m guessing that for some people across the country, maybe they’ve tried, they were young and were told, “Don’t touch yourself! That’s that, you’re going to go blind!” or maybe when they were first exploring their sexuality they were told of stopping being such a slut or stopping being such a dick head so they have this sense of shame about their own passion, their own erotic self, let alone finding the edge. How do they even get rid of that shame?

Destin Gerek: First of all, exactly what you’re saying is exactly what really pushes me to embrace the erotic rock star in myself, to help inspire others to do the same. I would say most everyone has had those experiences so finding those edges simply means saying, “Okay you know what? I’m not a teenager anymore” or I don’t know if you are? or I’m not a kid, I am an adult, I am stepping into my power and you know a part of my power is my erotic power.

So how can I know now that I am fully more myself? Really reach in. What can I do? What are little things that I can do? And it can be anything. It could be one of the big things that I am big fan of personally is using dance as part of one’s erotic self exploration and for many people might bunk at that, like, “Oh no, no, no, I can’t dance, I can’t do that, no, no, no, no.”

If you don’t feel comfortable going out to some bar or club or public place and getting your groove on, shaking your booty, what have you, fine, you don’t need to do that right now. You don’t even need to every do that if you don’t want to but what’s to stop you from putting on some music in your home in front of a full length mirror or maybe even setting up a video camera and just shaking your hips. Trying to move your feet to the beat and maybe you’ll feel really silly. Okay, great, fine! Then embrace that silliness and you’re going to feel silly, embrace it, enjoy it and just go with it. Look at it as it’s not about a goal, it’s not about I need to do this right or that right, it’s simply play, it’s simply exploration and just doing that. Just starting to move your hips, shake your hips along with music in any way will start to wake up that, your pelvis will start to wake up your second chakra and that alone can help you really bring it out more and more into the rest of your life.

Francesca Gentille: You know, you’re really speaking to me when you’re speaking about dance and I would agree with you that dance has been the way that I first started exploring my sexuality. I would say awakening sexual energy and I love the idea of doing that with the camera or the video and getting over the fear that we don’t look good and celebrating that rock star nature by saying, “well I’m on camera” or “I’m in front of a mirror” or being naked or dressing up.

And many of us sometimes have a friend or someone who could be willing to applaud us or be there and be the fan for our exploration. Do you know of maybe some classes or courses that might even be across the country that you could suggest that people look up to begin to explore some different types of movement?

Destin Gerek: I wouldn’t know across country around anything in particular however everywhere, everywhere across country some sort of dance classes and some people feel more comfortable with that, some people feel like if I am in a class and I learn types of moves then I’ll feel more comfortable because I’ll feel like I know what I’m doing.

Me personally no, that has always been challenging for me, following somebody else’s choreography or somebody else’s  idea of how to move that’s been my edge. So you have to find what works for you. Whether it’s being in class and being taught  in that manner, step by step or private lessons you might find easier or throwing all that out the window and simply being at home alone, having music on and just trying to move.

The great thing about the mirror or possibly the video camera is the feedback mechanism. It’s that you can look at yourself. Per se I like the two of them together. Using a full length mirror so that you have immediate feedback, you can see what you are doing in that moment and the video camera because then you can look back at it and also see your changes over time. And you realize then, you don’t ever have to take this public. It’s not about proving yourself to any one else. It’s not about looking good to any one else. All it is, is play. It’s exploration.

Francesca Gentille: Reclaiming that sense of play is so important as adult that’s really where we come to erotic energy is play and when we’re children we play a lot and then suddenly we’re adults and we’re not suppose to play but it could go into our erotic energy and before we go to break. I want to talk to this and some of the other delicious rock star tips that you have for us. I want to also encourage people to look up the [xx] prayers, the five rhythms and the barefoot bookies and the dance jams which they have all over the country which are free form dance or what is it? Contactimprov dancing you say? Is that what you call it?

Destin Gerek: Well contactimprov is a separate [xx] side rhythms.

Francesca Gentille: And it’s its own thing that they can look it up and they might have that lets them move in a way that frees up their body and is very sensual in their own right. We’re going to come back in a moment or two and talk more with Destin who is telling us how to be an erotic rock star after we have a word from our fabulous sponsors who are offering delicious hand selected products from our erotic team and many discounts so we’ll talk to you in a few moments.

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Francesca Gentille: Welcome back to Sex, Tantra and Kama Sutra bringing you the soul of sex with Destin Gerek, erotic rock star who is teaching us how to be erotic rock stars as well and Destin have you always been an erotic rock star or was there a journey for you?

Destin Gerek: Oh there’s definitely, definitely, definitely been a journey. In grade school I would have identified as a nerd. So there has definitely been a big shift in my self image and how I have changed over time. I live very much in my head. I didn’t even have any concepts of what it means to be embodied. I was an intellectual and I strived in it.

And so how did I change? More and more artists started coming into my life and my jaw kind of dropped, watching and seeing these culture of underground artists bursting into New York area and then in San Francisco and then of course what really was a big step towards this direction was when I first started going to the Burning Man Art Festival in Nevada. I would say that ultimately it was out of there that the erotic rock star was born.

It was through my experiences at this festival on the desert that I got the sense of you know what? I can do anything I want to. You know what? Whatever you’re doing in life, whatever clothes you put on when you walk out the front door is costume however you are acting, however you are behaving and reacting to people around you. It’s all personality and as [xx] also Francesca I’m sure you’re familiar has stated that all personality as such is false. You are not that, you are your essence. You are that which is underneath it all.

So okay so if all this is just mask what mask do I want to play with? So through my one week a year at this festival in Nevada, I would play with different masks and it grew into the mask of Destin Gerek the erotic rock star. I found out, you know what, if I can do that there I can leave then continue doing it and so I have.

Francesca Gentille: The playing with masks, we don’t necessarily mean literal paper mache masks or leather masks, we’re talking about the mask of personality that we put on and take off and sometimes habituate to and think it’s us and that idea of going to the Burning Man Festival or being with artists, I would say that to all of our listeners, wherever you are, there’s going to be an artistic community, wherever you are, there’s going to be a feeder or dance or painting or something and the arts community has always been a very cutting edge, a very exploratory community, more open minded community with more freedom for people to find themselves and things like the reenactment whether it’s medieval reenactment, renaissance reenactment, anything with role playing where we can start to try on those, who could I be if I was something different?

Destin Gerek: And this brings it all back to what I really push around, exploration and play and treating your eroticism as something to explore, as something to play. You treat all of life like that.

Francesca Gentille: Destin, it sounds so delicious and intriguing to think about dressing up and trying different roles, different accents, what the heck, and how do we do that without overstepping other people’s boundaries? Without becoming the jerk and that person whose so narcisstic and self focused, it’s like, I don’t care what you want, I don’t care what you’re mood is, I’m going to be Queen Elizabeth today, Off with their heads! I mean where is that line?

Destin Gerek:  That line first and foremost is with respect. Unfortunately we tend to learn as part of our socialization process that part of that respecting of others is always about toning down of self which of that I’m not really a fan of, that I don’t really believe them. For example the ways in which I dress on a daily basis which I think you’ll do when you look at my website eroticrockstar.com you’ll get some sense. Our socialization teaches you might offend somebody well that I don’t agree with. Respect to me is respecting how other people self express, however what I do mean by respect is in how you are treating other people.

For example as you are saying a lot of men particularly would be afraid of, if I step into an erotic rock star role, am I just going to end up being a jerk, I’m just going to push women away because they’re not going to like that jerk. You know part of what I’m doing here is role modeling that you know what, you can fully embody your eroticism in a way with full respect of and for women as a man and be let’s just say I get a lot of very positive attention for it, not negative.

I think the difference really stems from is not being in the place of need. If where you’re coming from is want and need and trying to get with or get something from the other person whether it’s a woman or whether it’s from a man, if that can be off putting but if your embodiment of your eroticism is just that the celebration of your eroticism, for your own sake and that’s something that most people will look at and with envy with, “wow, I want some of that!”

Francesca Gentille: That is just a great plan I think you hit the nail in the head right there. It’s the difference between being the rock star on stage that’s celebrating their own gifts, skills, and talents. It’s just enjoying who they are, what they have to give to the world versus being the needy beggar, walking around saying love me, take care of me, prove to me that I’m worthwhile and male of female, no one really is drawn to the needy beggar who is standing in front of them saying save me from my own pain.

Destin Gerek: Exactly.

Francesca Gentille: We are very much like moths to a flame, we’re going to be drawn to someone who energized and really in their own juice and we’re going to smear some of that all over me.

Destin Gerek: Think you got it!

Francesca Gentille: When we come back from a break. I’m going to take a break so we can have a little bit longer section right at the end is I want to talk a little bit about how do we do that? How do we, if let’s say, if we are feeling depleted, we are feeling needy and that happens, I feel that way at times myself, how do we shift into or replete ourselves, get juicy and I’d love to hear more about what you suggest after a break and a word from our delicious sponsors and for our listening audience if you’re going out to our sponsors please type in the world “Tantra” and that will give you our discount code and also helps supports the show and we’ll be back in a moment.

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Francesca Gentille: Welcome back to Sex, Tantra, and Kama Sutra bringing you  the soul of sex with Destin Gerek who is helping us really access our own erotic rock star, tantalizing and irresistible to everyone we meet and Destin sometimes we’re not that, we’re just not. There can be any number of reasons, what are some of the reasons we might not be our erotic rock star self and then what are the steps that we can take to get there, in our juiciness, back to our vitality?

Destin Gerek: Well first of all, most of us are not living as much in our vitality as we can be or as connected to our eroticism as we can be and there’s always more and again we have so many forces out work around us that kind of pushing us to contain that part of ourselves, to suppress it. That I think it’s a rare individual that really is able to fully unleash it so I believe that you all can and in full support of you doing so, just that few currently are doing so.

Some reasons why they’re not, whether it’s just coming out of a bad break up or simply being in a low point in your current relationship as well as a lot of stress at work which something I know a lot of people can relate to. Things around, children if you have them, all of these things can play a role or you might just might be having a really bad day or bad week or maybe you can’t quite explain but any and all of these things that lead to an overall sense of malaise or depression if you’re in that state chances are you are not feeling incredibly erotic either.

Francesca Gentille: So here we are, either from something in the past or something in the present, or who know why? A little depleted, a little down, not feeling sexy, maybe self doubting and I want to turn the corner, I want to start bringing some energy, vitality into my life and get back for the first time, get into my body or my genital life. What can I do? I mean, I can dance but what else?

Destin Gerek: Well again first and foremost  I’m going to say that you’re best step is to really to start with yourself. Many people, I’d say most people have some form of a masturbation habit and what I mean by that is, what signifies a masturbation habit is usually is very goal oriented, it’s all about coming or having an orgasm often times as quickly as possible. How quickly can I get myself off  before I can get back to my life or what have you? And habit means, it’s very habitual, or it’s based on doing what you know, you learn from being when you were young probably on how you get yourself off and that’s just what you do.

And so what I’m a big fan of  is really helping people develop a practice of erotic self exploration where you ESE (erotic self exploration), what really sets it apart is that instead of being compulsive or habitual, it is about setting a set period of time to yourself on a regular basis, you know you give yourself a half hour once per week, an hour three times a week whatever, whatever works for you in which you can set an environment, whether it’s candles, lightings, music of your choice, something that makes you feel good. Makes you feel sexy and knowing that you won’t be distracted or interrupted, set to explore your body.

Now don’t jump right to your genitals but maybe start at your feet and just start exploring your feet, exploring touch, massage, light caresses and touches. Working up to your calves, on to your thighs, start going over your pelvis but don’t stop there yet, don’t focus on there yet, continue up on to your abdomen, your belly, your chest, squeezing at your chest. Again, all different types of touch whether it’s grabbing, whether it’s massage, whether it’s burning your nails across, whether it’s light touch or hard deep touch, it’s all that exploring help slapping your skin, it’s all that exploring how else can I pull pleasure out of my body, working way up to your neck, massaging your face, your scalp, pulling at your own hair, seeing how can I feel good and you know this isn’t about a goal, it’s not about orgasm, it’s simply about how can I find pleasure in my body.

Then yes if you want to bring your genitals in great do so but remember to always integrate with the whole of your body. So if you start to bring in your genitals, remember you got two hands, let one hand be primarily with your genitals and let the other hand continue to move that energy that you build in your genitals up, up your belly, up across your chest, down your legs, constantly moving it, constantly anything that you’re touching in your genitals, pulling that out towards the rest of you.

Again it’s simply about exploration, exploring your body, it’s simply about play what new ways can I find pleasure in my body? What if you took just 30 minutes, two times a week to try something new, to explore your eroticism, to explore your sexuality in a way that’s other than your usual or other than what you’ve done in the past? Imagine that, just 30 minutes, twice a week doing something in exploration of your eroticism. What do you think is possible there?

Francesca Gentille: You know I think the erotic rock star is possible that’s what I’m hearing and we’re running out of time and this has gone by so quickly and it’s so fun we spent 30 minutes a week doing all kinds of things and what a great work in if erotic self exploration

Destin Gerek: Exactly.

Francesca Gentille: It really embodies that rock star self who we know stand up on stage and make love to their guitars, make love to their bodies and we adore it because they’re celebrating their selves. So thank you Destin so much for bringing that self celebration to us, that permission to be the erotic rock stars that we can be and it’s truly been a pleasure.

Destin Gerek: Thank you Francesca, it’s been a pleasure for me as well.

Francesca Gentille: And thank you all for joining us at Sex, Tantra and Kama Sutra. You can get transcripts of this show, get more information about Destin at www.personallifemedia.com.