Episode 57 - EROTIC BREATHGASMS with Destin Gerek

Transcript

Francesca Gentille: Welcome to Sex Tantra Kama Sutra! Bringing you the full effect. I'm your host, Francesca Gentille and with me today is Destin Gerek, the erratic rock star. Destin has been with us before and I'm so excited to have him back again. He is a California State Certified Somatic Sexologist and an Erotic Empowerment Coach for individuals, couples and groups, both in person and by phone all over the country. And he's recently lead an orgasmic breath experience for over 150 people as a fundraiser for Obama called "O's for Obama".

Destin Gerek: One really powerful thing to do with breath with a partner is to simply align your breaths so you can be sitting with one another, having the woman sit on the man's lap facing him and sychronize your breaths. You can simply start going into slow, deep breaths yourself and then look your partner in the eye and say "breathe for me, match my breath, come into this breath with me." And go into slow, deep breaths while maintaining eye contact with your partner.

Destin Gerek: It all starts with yourself. You know, we have too much of an idea in our society that our sexuality depends on somebody else but the fact of the matter is your first sex partner is yourself and your first sexual relationship is with yourself and your last sexual relationship is with yourself and throughout your life you may have one other partner, you may have a thousand other partners but you have yourself through it all. That is the sexual relationship that you need to give alot of attention to.

Destin Gerek: Breath is really about expansion. As you take a breath inward your entire body, every cell in your being, has slightly expansion. During your inhale on the relaxation and during the exhale. So by puting more attention to the, by really bringing the awareness into your body and kind of visualizing, kind of imagining, getting a picture in your mind of your entire being enlarging, expanding with each of your breaths inward.

Francesca Gentille: Welcome Destin.

Destin Gerek: Thank you Francesca. It's great to be on your show again.

Francesca Gentille: I was at the fundraiser. The fundraiser was amazing. You see all these people together and the power of breath and I wanted to have you here with us to let us know more about how breath can take us on a journey and connect us and there's so many things that breath can do. What are some of the things that, what we call breath work or different ways of breathing can do for us?

Destin Gerek: Yes, thank you for asking. Breathing is something that most of us can take for granted. It's not something we think about. I breathe all the time. I don't need to think about it. Good thing because what would happen when i went to sleep? But the fact of the matter is meditation, yoga, martial arts. Many, many, many religions throughout the world all put a focus first and foremost on the breath because really it is so powerful. So what if we took that same attention to our breath and brought it to our sexuality. To focus on our erotisism. Just through playing with breath, you can enhance your orgasm. I mean that's reason enough right there. Making them more powerful. Experience full body orgasms. They don't just happen in your genitals. Using your breath to take that orgasmic energy, orgasmic feeling and moving it down your legs and out the bottom of your feet and up your torso, your arms and up your head and up top your head. I mean, it's really powerful, really amazing. Beyond that your can use focus breath work to increase your level of connection and intimacy with your partner. Really tune in. Really feel each other with that much deeper of a connection. Then men can use conscious breath work to delay orgasm or ejaculation by taking that build up that they're feeling in their genitals and again to move that feeling up through their body or even out their mouth with sound. All just by paying attention to their breath and consciously affecting it and changing it. So very, very powerful stuff.

Francesca Gentille: That is. Okay, I'm sold. I want it. I want to know more about breath work. Could you lead us maybe in something right now? I mean, I've had a rushy day to day and I'm feeling a little tense in my belly. I'm just, I feel like I haven't fully tuned in or relaxed with you so what's something that I can do and my listeners can do with breath to increase that intimacy and connection?

Destin Gerek: Ok. Well I feel like there are two different questions? The first part what I was hearing was how to use your breath to get out of franticness and relax. Which in itself can greatly increase your connection to your partner. If you're all frantic, and you've had this stressful day of work and you're coming home and you're partners trying to intimate with you and you're just all heady and stressed out, well, you're probably not going to be feeling very connected. So, in that case, one thing that we can do to just go into relaxation. And like you to, Francesca, and all the other listeners out there who are not driving their cars to close your eyes for a moment and just really bring your attention into your body. Now allow the sound, dwellings, and the outside world to kind of drop into the background. Just notice your breath. Really noticing each inhale, noticing each exhale. Where are you breathing? Are you breathing into your chest or are you breathing into your belly? Are you breathing rapidly or are you breathing slowly? Are you breathing shallowly or are you breathing deeply? Many of us breathe into our chest, these shallow, rapid breaths. Now let's just bring our attention down. Now your belly, place your hand on your belly, and really feel your belly lift out with your breath, like pop out on your inhale. It can be as simple as that. A slow, deep belly breath. Closing your eyes, bringing your attention to that. Just taking a few, maybe a handful of them and that alone can completely switch your mindset. Completely help ground your being. Try it out today. Try it out like once a day all during this week. Maybe on your way home from work or when you first get home. Close your eyes. Come into your breath. Take it down into your belly. Take it slow. Take it deep. Relax. On your exhale, you know, slow exhale.

Francesca Gentille: You know, I even have my eyes open and I'm doing this with you and I feel better. I feel more relaxed. I feel more here. More able to listen. It's interesting. When I slow down my breath, I can listen.

Destin Gerek: And that's going to be the simplest, easiest way of trying to explore breath and right there you should be able to feel powerful results. Powerful results. So now, again, imagine taking that level of awareness but really bringing it into your sex life.

Francesca Gentille: So we have that relaxation and one of the things I just wrote down on this list is enhancing our orgasms, full body orgasms, delaying orgasms or ejaculation and moving the energy with breath and sound. These all sound so great and I want to talk about as many of them as we can when we come back from a break and a word from our fabulous sponsors and I just want to encourage our listening audience to support our sponsors. Thats how this show continues to be here with you and when you do use the code tantra and receive discounts up to 50% and we'll be back in just a moment.

Francesca Gentille: Welcome back to Sex, Tantra and Kama Sutra, bringing you the Soul of Sex with Destin Gerek, the Exotic Rock Star and also the Orgasmic Breathing Specialist. And we just practiced relaxing and it feels like the next place that I would like to go if I'm with my beloved is into connecting and deepening our intimacy so how does breath, how can I work with breath, how can we all work with breath to do that?

Destin Gerek: Absolutely, well, One really powerful thing to do with breath with a partner is to simply align your breaths so you can be sitting with one another, sitting across from one another, or having the woman sit on the man's lap facing him which is known as the [inaudible] position and sychronize your breaths. You can simply start going into slow, deep breaths yourself and then look your partner in the eye and say "breathe with me, match my breath, can we try something for a minute, babe? Just come into this breath with me." And go into slow, deep breaths while maintaining eye contact with your partner. That is incredibly intimate and incredibly like yes, relaxing but also connecting way of just starting to share breath with your partner. Another method that you can try is synchocated breaths? Where you are breathing in and your partner is breathing out. And then as your partners breathing in, you are breathing out. This can be a way of feeling like your sharing breath. So....

Francesca Gentille: You're almost breathing in your partners breath so if you are breathing out and I'm breathing in I'm literally breathing your breath into my body.

Destin Gerek: And you can bring this more and more intimate by bringing your, you know depending on your level of comfort, your level of intimacy with your partner by bringing your faces closer together so you are literally like feeling the heat, feeling the warmth from your partners breath and can tangibly feel that you are taking in your partners breath and exhaling and allowing them take up your breath. And if you want to take this up one more notch then you can lock your lips and come into a kiss and share a breath in that way. You know, with your lips touching, with your lips maybe completely feeled, one of you is breathing out and one of you is breathing in. To me that's one of the most intimate acts that you can experience is literally sharing a breath back and forth between your bodies.

Francesca Gentille: That does sound, it sounds very intimate and this really works right? There's a part of me going, wait a minute, if our lips are locked, of course, kissing works that way, if your lips are locked so and we're not tonguing at this point. There's just a sense of breathing in and out.

Destin Gerek: Well I mean, you can.

Francesca Gentille: Experiment. Experiment.

Destin Gerek: But ya start with and even maintaining that. Yes, we love kissing. We love kissing with our tongues with our partner because it's deeply intimate and it feels good so this is just another way that you can play with your mouths, with your partner in a way that can be extremely intimate. Give it a shot and notice how it feels. Some people....

Francesca Gentille: And if it...

Destin Gerek: Yes?

Francesca Gentille: I was going to share a little biological secret that you may or may not know is that there are very powerful pheromones right at the lip and so when that very powerful kissing is happening like that and your sharing a breath you're actually breathing in your partners pheromones right back to your primal reptilian brains so it actually locks in, in a sense a mating instinct and a very strong bonding instinct as well as the pleasure. There is biochemistry. That's how it works.

Destin Gerek: Yeah. It's incredible. It's incredible. It's one of, I honestly find it to be one of the most beautiful things I share with my partner and so I recommend go home tonight and give it a shot. See what you think.

Francesca Gentille: And I love that you said that sense of, you know, sweetheart, would you try this with me. That sense of experimentation is, you know, I heard this or I read this and I want to, you know, I want to try this or this thing I heard will increase our intimacy. Just a sense of experimentation can make such a difference. You know, without pressure, it's not like we have to do this but, you know, would you? And if it doesn't work Destin. Say, my partner feels like their a little closed to new things and maybe they're like not one more new thing, Francesca. It doesn't work if I'm doing it so I'm not saying anything about it I'm just trying to match their breath or I'm just trying to alternate with their breath.

Destin Gerek: Absolutely. Absolutely.

Francesca Gentille: So like what if I don't say anything?

Destin Gerek: Absolutely. You know honestly, I wouldn't say anything. It wouldn't be my first approach. If after multiple attempts on my part. I feel like something wasn't quite working right then, yeah, I might approach it more verbally. But I don't think its necessary. Sit with your partner. Just start the engagement yourself. Meaning, make eye contact with your partner. Connect into your own breath. Feel good about it in yourself. Feel comfortable with it in yourself. This is why I really recommend, you know, it's like you learn to masterbate before you start having partner sex. Most everyone anyway. You know, the same way. Master this. Get comfortable with it yourself so that then you can step in with your partner and just come into it for yourself. Because it feels good for you and one of the things with breath especially with an intimate partner is that we kind of have a tendency to move towards a similarity in our breath. So if you consciously do it, like, match your partners breath or intentionally like do the opposing breath with your partner then stay with it for a little bit then as you, as your matching them start to slowly elongate your breath. Slow your breath. Make it slower. Make it deeper with each breath. You should be able to find that your partner may have a tendency to start to follow you towards a slower breath, towards a deeper breath.

Francesca Gentille: Yeah. Very subtle, very tricky. I like that. And I think it does work that way. There's a tendency when we love someone to begin to mirror them like that so I'm going to remind myself to keep breathing here and stay connected with you and put my rushy breath, my rushy day aside and keep practicing. This is the perfect opportunity for our listeners. You get 30 minutes of practicing breath and go home. It'll even be more delicious with yourself or your partner. And that reminds me, I said with yourself. We've been talking about doing this with your partner. And I'm wanting to know about increasing that enhancing orgasm and that full body orgasm and I'm guessing that this, that the practice of increasing, enhancing pleasure and the full body orgasm, that I, we can do this for ourselves or with a beloved. We don't need a partner to actually go into the next piece of it, which is our own sense of pleasure in our body. Is that correct or do I need a partner?

Destin Gerek: No No. Absolutely not. I mean, yeah, exploring sex with a partner is fantastic. I'm not going to pull any shots around that one. However, like my comment earlier, it all starts with yourself. You know, we have too much of an idea in our society that our sexuality depends on somebody else but the fact of the matter is your first sex partner is yourself and your first sexual relationship is with yourself and your last sexual relationship is with yourself and throughout your life you may have one other partner, you may have a thousand other partners but you have yourself through it all. So that is the relationship. That is the sexual relationship that you need to give alot of attention to. And it's often the one that's most neglected. Maybe you spend alot of time masterbating but how much time do you really give to exploring your own sexuality by yourself? Or do you just do the same habitual like getting off that you learned when you were 12 years old? And so I really recommend this along with so many other things to establish an erotic self-exploration practice. Meaning, time that you really focus on, this isn't time for me to, this isn't just doing a 2 to 10 minute jerk off session. No, this is time to explore my body, explore my feelings, explore what I am capable of in a way, in the same care, the same love, the same attention that I would with a partner who I'm in love with and who I wanted to bring to the next level.

Francesca Gentille: You know, I want to, I want to talk more about this erotic pleasuring with the breath. Practice. With myself and with a partner when we come back from a break and a word from our fabulous sponsors. And we'll be right back.

Francesca Gentille: Welcome back to Sex, Tantra, and Kama Sutra bringing you the Soul of Sex with Destin Gerek, Erotic Rock Star. Focusing on our breath-gasms and we have relaxed. We've started to connect in our intimacy and now how about expanding and those moving of breaths. Can you give us a little bit about that or suggestions of next step in the few minutes that we have left here with you?

Destin Gerek: Sure. Absolutely. Again Breath is really about expansion. As you take a breath inward your entire body,every cell in your being breaths so every cell in your being, has slightly expansion. During your inhale on the relaxation and on the exhale. So by putting more attention to the, by really bringing your awareness into your body and kind of visualizing, kind of imagining, getting a picture in your mind of everything, of your entire being enlarging, expanding with each of your breaths inward. And taking that really full, really full, deep breath. Think of it. The more we breathe, the more we feel, literally. The more we feel. And then relaxing, releasing, letting go on our exhale. And as your, as you take, like, let's say you're more in the receptive mode and you're partner is giving you pleasure in some way and simply coming into your body. I mean, you can close your eyes for a moment. Just focus on the sensations that you are feeling. Focus on the sensations of the touch of your partner and breathe it in. Again, you can visualize it. You can imagine it. See it. So as you're breathing in as much pleasure as you can from your partner's touch. From your partner's mouth. From your partner's being. And then releasing it and using your voice and this is just, using your voice in combination with the breath is, in my opinion, extremely important and something that's not given proper attention because women genuinely get the message that they're to use their voice or sound, much like a performance, often learn to use their voices like performance to make their man feel better about themselves. That's certainly what our porn industry models and but men have the...

Francesca Gentille: Ooo eee ahhh.

Destin Gerek: Say that again.

Francesca Gentille: It's like ooo eee ooo ahhh ahhh.

Destin Gerek: And men have the opposite thing where men, the model for men is to not make a sound. You know to have a stoic face and maybe give the occasional grunt. But that's about it. But the thing is is that sound, especially in combination with [inaudible] breath, doesn't need to be simply the performance. Rather it can be powerfully used to enhance what you are experiencing. So I encourage you, next time you are, you are being sexual with your partner to play with your voice. To play with, whether it's moaning sounds or animalistic sounds. Whatever sounds really come up for you, just play with them to see you know how does using my voice affect what I'm feeling. How can I alter or change how I'm using my voice to enhance this. To make this feel even better in my body. Sound is...

Francesca Gentille: I have...

Destin Gerek: Yes?

Francesca Gentille: I was going to say that I have experienced a difference. I recommend trying between high sounds and low sounds and just noticing if I'm like [high moan] that that's a different feeling in my body then if I'm like [low moan]. You know, even now I feel it in a different place.

Destin Gerek: And something off of that is a difference between the short sounds, the breathy sounds and longer types of sounds. I'm not going to say that one is better than the other but they definately create a difference in what you are feeling in your body and how what you're feeling in your body moves through your body. So, again, I just recommend to everyone listening to play with it. To know that how you're breathing and how you're using your voice really impacts what you're feeling and can be used to enhance it, to feel more.

Francesca Gentille: Oh you know, I want to ask more and get more detailed and we've come to the end of our show. And I want to let our listeners know that Destin is leading group tele-seminars. So, actually by phone, you can call in. You can be in a group of people. You can have this amazing experience of sharing the breath and being led by Destin and how would people find that Destin? How would they go about that?

Destin Gerek: All that information is on my website which is eroticrockstar.com and through there you can also sign up for my newsletter so that you can be notified in your inbox about my upcoming orgasmic breathing tele-classes.

Francesca Gentille: Wonderful! And I just want to thank you so much for joining us today, Destin. And...

Destin Gerek: Thank you.

Francesca Gentille: Your welcome. And I also want to thank our listening audience for being in support of the Soul of Sex. Peace and harmony through sexuality and relationship in the world. And if you want to get transcripts, learn more about Destin, contact any of us. You can do that at www.personallifemedia.com