Episode 51 - THE SEXUAL YOGINI LIFESTYLE with Carolena Fleishman

Transcript

Narrator:  This program is intended for mature audiences only. 

Francesca Gentille:  Welcome to Sex, Tantra, and Kama Sutra, bringing you the soul of sex.  With me today is  Carolena Fleishman.  She is a certified sexologist and Tantra teacher who lives and loves abundantly.  She is currently teaching alternative relationship styles.  She is the leader of Yummatopia organization, working with couples and singles and helping them really embody and have deeper, juicer, richer sex lives.

Carolena:  I can’t think of any reason to not breathe genitally for the rest of your life.  You are hereby initiated to take deep pelvic breathes all the time. 

It occurs to me that there are different ways to be in relationship.  At different times relationships really serve different purposes.  There is the “I Vow”, the beloved.  You meet your Tantric partner.  The typical relationship is the wonderful Tantric partnership.  But then there is another way that we can show up in relationship.  That is to explore for self awareness.

Francesca:  Welcome  Carolena.

Carolena:  Thank You Francesca.  It is such a pleasure to be here.

Francesca:  It is such a pleasure to have you here.  I know that we are both sitting in our little temples with our candles lit and incense in the background.  I invite our listeners to be here with us. 

She is a goddess. Priestess, sacred dancer, beautiful raven black hair that just has a gorgeous home and lives this Tantric Yogini [sp] lifestyle.  That is what we are going to talk about, that sexual Yogini lifestyle.  That sounds juicy already.

When we are saying that someone could possibly live a sexual Yogini lifestyle or love style, what are we saying?  What does that mean?

Carolena:  Well, we are saying that there is an invitation in life to choose yummy.  Wouldn’t we all rather choose yummy?  Well guess what?  It is a choice. 

[laughter]

It really is a choice.  We could choose at any moment to feel yummy.  That is why we created Yummatopia.  We are located here in Marin County, a perfect place for people who really want to feel the fullness, the full complete juiciness of life and know that it is a conscious choice.

Francesca:  Let’s talk about that a little bit.  Sometimes when we are in Marin in California in the breeze and the palm trees are swaying and it is warm and sensuous, it can feel fairly easy to choose, if we are on vacation, to choose that yum life style; that yummy dish lifestyle.  But let’s say the kids are crying and the snow is up to our armpits.  What do you mean?  What is a practice that we can try on or take on no matter what the circumstances to choose yum?

Carolena:  You are absolutely great to bring up an example like that because that is a challenge.  Even a yummatopian like myself, a yummatarian, would find that those moments are the challenging moments.  But when we fill up our reserve, we fill up the yum tanks in the moments when we really can take a moment to be with the child after maybe she has calmed down and she is not crying, and we really drop into the valley of what those sensations are, we kind of draw a reserve. 

I guess in the Yogic philosophy we really do start to let go of good, bad, and evil and we really start to see “Well, yeah, even the challenge of weather or a crying baby is really a spectacular moment to feel the blessing of having a child or having a healthy baby.”

That would be definitely a challenging point.  Of course, like you say, I am sitting here in my temple and I have a huge picture window with beautiful trees and I just love nature.  SO for me, when I really need to recharge from life’s stresses, I will find a place or a path to walk and I will practice a mindful walking.  That is to say a slowing down and just really observing my breathe, observing life, observing light, the way the light hits the leaves.  The Tantric Yogic practice is to really take in the energy from that and to become one with it.

Francesca:  It is a little easier when it is the beautiful trees.  But there are a few points that you are brining up here that I want to underline.  As you are saying them, they are just delicious.  They are just yummy.  One that I hear you saying is bring in nature, bring in a beautiful style into your home whenever you can.  I have done this over time in my own home.  I would have the child and the toys would be everywhere.  I would create whicker baskets to put the toys in at night.  I changed the colors in my house, asking myself what colors would make me feel happy when I look at them; over time.  Few of us are independently wealth, so we have a budget.

But taking the time to say “How can I create beauty in my home?”  And then taking that time to go into nature or to go into the room in my house that is the most lovely to really nourish, like you said, the yum tank.  To slow down; I think that is a key principle-that slowing down, that breathing. 

If I can manage to do that over time, while the baby is crying or when I look at a day of snow where everything is snowed in and the first thing I am going to need to do is dig it out before I go anywhere, to actually just take a moment to breathe in, to get where I am.

Carolena:  One of the wonderful practices I love of the Tantric path is called creating sacred space.  I find that sacred space is just such an amazing concept.  On the physical level it means the whisker baskets, the little table with the candle on it and the freshly picked wildflowers.  Maybe I didn’t even spend money and it was flowers I picked, or weeds for that matter, I picked on my morning walk.

So that becomes my sacred…what is sacred? My reverential or divine area that I can connect to when I need to connect to that deeper, bigger me.  There is the me that chops wood, carries water, gets the babies satisfied, and shovels sidewalks.  But there is the bigger me.  It is the me that will go on, that is the creativity of who I am on the planet.  When I create these sacred areas I can access the bigger me.  Sacred space is actually the concept that even goes beyond what the physical decorating can be.  A sacred space is where you carry yourself and how you interact with people on a day to day basis.  How you can create that interaction to be the bigger me sees, witnesses, and upholds in front of me the bigger you.

We interact in a way…maybe it is beyond words.  Maybe it is just an eye gaze, but we are able to fix in that higher realm.  I just love dropping in with friends in a way that maybe looks odd to an outsider past the how are you and the chit-chat.  It is maybe that moment of silence where I just tune in and connect with their sacred space.

That sounds so lovely.  I want to talk more after a break and a word from our sponsors about what are some of the practices to tune in?  What are some of the practices to acknowledge that sacred space?  When we come back from a word from our sponsors…and I just want to say to remind our listeners that we have fabulous [xx] - two new ones that I know of where you can get free books, yummy discount on jewelry; yum-there we are again.  TO support our sponsors supports our show.  We will be back with  Carolena in just a moment.

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Francesca:  Welcome back to Sex, Tantra, and Kama Sutra, bringing you the soul of sex with the delicious  Carolena Fleishman and the Yogini lifestyle.  We were talking about sacred space and tuning into one another; sacred space is such a great idea.  How the heck do we do that?

Carolena:  Well, the first thing to do is to breath.  Even though we all do it, most of us are very unconscious about it.  I know for myself, I need reminding all the time.  “Oh, did I remember to breath?”  I hold my breathe when I am excited.  I hold my breath when I am cruising the internet.  Taking a deep breathe is how we connect to that bigger me that I was talking about, or the sacred space of living in this Tantric Yogini lifestyle.

In order to take a deep breathe, really you could spend al lifetime just really investigating breathe.  A breathe needs to be easy and flowing.  If you watch a baby when it is breathing in the cradle, it is full and expressive and genital.

When babies breathe their whole bodies breathe.  It is not up in the chest.  It is not constricted.  I would like to invite us all to take a deep breathe right now by just relaxing the jaw and relaxing the seat of the pelvic floor or your genitals, and just to take a deep breathe right into the genitals.  You may even feel yourself expanding or getting really big; really becoming full and expansive in the breathe.  And then just letting the exhale surrender; allowing the breathe to just gently leave through the lips.  And then you begin again with a big full exhalation, breathing energy right into the genitals. 

Now this is a fully embodied breathe.  It is a way to bring more juice into your life, more feeling of well being, and more nutrients into the system.  I can’t think of any reason to not breathe genitally for the rest of your life.  So you are hereby initiated to take deep pelvic breathes all the time.  They feel so good.

Francesca:  We can keep reminding ourselves to do that as we talk with one another; those deep relaxing breathes.  I love that what you are brining to us  Carolena is how to be yummy without spending lots of money. 

[laughter]

Carolena:  it is true.  It is absolutely true.  And how to be yummy being with the self.  I often think to myself how great it is when I do want to start vibing in or bringing forth.  I do all sorts of magic or spell work when I am looking for my beloved.  I am currently in the process of calling forth my sacred partner, so I have lots of rituals and magic.

Francesca:  So we can say that you currently don’t have a divine beloved?

Carolena:  I don’t. 

[crosstalk]

Francesca:   Carolena is a sacred goddess of sexuality and love extraordinaire.  So when we are talking about spells and rituals, we are not saying that we have to become witches or leave the Catholic Church, I was raised Catholic, or do something that would be against our religion.  What do we mean when we say a spell or a ritual?  What is that?

Carolena:  Well, for me, one of my favorite ones, and it just came to me and I am sure there is some documentation.  I mean, Francesca, don’t forget, there was a time when spells and when living on the land were a part of the religion.  It was a part of who we were.  We believed in goddesses and we believed in the Earth as being a direct link to the divine.

Francesca:  One of the ways I think of it is that God or Goddess didn’t make a mistake when they created the Earth or our bodies.  Even in the Christian church or the Islamic church there is a sense that everything is divine.  In the Christian church, getting back to the Catholics, my home religion, is we have the sense of Mary mother of God.  We have the sense of the Sophia also, the father, son and sprit, which is often seen as the feminine face of God.

So for any of our listeners that are Christian or Islamic or practice a tradition with that, I invite you to translate anything you hear into the framework and the mindset that works for you; that allows you to stay centered in really the perfection of the divine. 

So what I hear when you say a spell or a ritual, a ritual is something that we practice; that we bring consciousness to.  The same thing..spell normally..you know, we have spelling bee.  Spell usually involves some sort of a word.  As they said in the Bible, first there was the word.

So there is a sense of what we say, even what you and I are saying now, it affects reality; it affects each other.  Is that correct when I hear you saying spell or ritual?

Carolena:  There is a presence of film that is really popular out on the West Coast, and I imagine it is taking the country by now, is the secret.  For me, the law of attraction is like a spell; an affirmation.  I now hereby invite my beloved to appear.  He is here.  To me, that is in a sense a spell or an incantation or an affirmation that my beloved is here.  He is making his way to me as we speak.  He is hearing this radio show.  He is buying in that this is the perfect gal for him and he is on his way.  I hereby make it so.

Perhaps to even model that deeper into my body, I am a Tantrica.  So one of the ways I love to mediate with myself is to pleasure and to touch myself.  So I might begin this ritual in the morning when I wake up in the morning.  I might begin to touch myself.  I might begin with a breast message; a belly rub.  I may even go a little bit deeper.

Francesca:  So what I hear you saying is that…in this case, we are talking about calling in the beloved, calling in that wonderful sexual partner, that wonderful emotional partner, and/or even revising our current relationship if we are in one, is maybe igniting the spark or reigniting the spark that I could do that with myself.  I could in the morning or the evening, in my moments, caress my body.  And as I feel pleasure, focus that energy, my intention of my electromagnetic system into that thought form of the beloved; the beautiful beloved who is awakening and being called forth to be with me as my own arousal rises.  Is that what we are saying?

Carolena:  Absolutely.  Anchoring it into the body, anchoring it into your reality is the way of inviting and attracting that energy into your space.  I don’t do that with beloveds either.  I do it when I need more clients.  I do it when I need to have more abundance or prosperity.  If there is something that I really want to create for myself I take charge of what my reality is by really using these spells or affirmations or rituals to bring them into my space.

Francesca:  That is so wonderful.  So taking a responsibility for our thoughts, for our consciousness, and the ripple effect.  So this is so good.  We are going to take a another little quick break so we have some time at the end to go even deeper into the sexual Yogini lifestyle and also what it is to work with someone like you and how people can continue to deepen this in their very own home when we come back from a break and a word from our sponsors.

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Francesca:  Welcome back to Sex, Tantra, and Kama Sutra: bringing you the soul of sex with the beautiful  Carolena Fleischman, sexual Yogini, Tantra teacher, leader of the Yummatopia organization, who works with couples and singles.

We are going to go deeper into that sexual Yogini lifestyle.   Carolena, you and I before the show were talking about this concept called the sacred intimate, someone who really is, who be’s, who embodies that sexual human nature in the world.  Can you tell me more about what that is and how our listeners might become it?  Or when they might want to invite someone, or literally hire someone to be that for them or for them as a couple?

Carolena:  Right.   It occurs to me that there are different ways to be in relationship.  At different times relationships really serve different purposes.  There is the “I Vow”, the beloved.  You meet your Tantric partner.  The typical relationship is the wonderful Tantric partnership.  But then there is another way that we can show up in relationship.  That is to explore for self awareness.

In this way, I first heard this term coined by the Body Electric School a while back, it is called the sacred intimate.  It is such a beautiful term and beautiful concept.  I show up for you the purposes of your deeper understanding, your greater self awareness of who you are; your erotic map.  I show up with a loving intention, with total presence, which is the greatest thing we can give a person; just to be totally present and giving and non reciprocal in the way we donate ourselves to their erotic expansion.

So the sacred intimate is a person who may not be your lover, may not be the person you are going to combine with; combine finances and get into relationship with.  It is a person who is taking that place, that assignment for you to investigate what your turn ons are; what makes you tick.

I find that when people ask me, and I get this question so often; “Oh, I want to be the perfect lover.  I want to really turn my husband on.  I really want to learn how to be the best giver of pleasure to my woman.”  Believe me, after 15 years in the message therapy room, I can tell you that there really isn’t one road map.  Sorry.  It is about tuning in and reading he signals.

In great case scenarios, we learn how to communicate by really becoming so self observational and so explorational with ourselves that we can actually speak to what moves us, to what makes us tick.

So a sacred intimate is also a person who can begin to give communication tips or make it easier for the person to communicate.  It is not always easy to speak to what turns us on.

Francesca: So are you saying that one of the things that I can do to become a sacred intimate is learn more about my own body?  I can spend more intimate time with me and not just getting off and touching my genitals, but really exploring if I like a firmer touch or a softer touch.  I can explore my body, and then to be a sacred intimate for someone else, at least part of it, it sounds like, is to really help someone discover themselves erotically.  It is not about me when I am being a sacred intimate for someone else.  It is really about how can I help you discover “Do you like a stronger or a softer touch?  Do you like little tip toeing kisses all over your body or would you prefer nibbles?”  Is that what you are saying?

Carolena:  Yeah.  Well, it is about the giver staying in the place of just giving in a non reciprocal way, which might be a little bit hard if you are lovers.  In this particular model which I use with many of my clients, it is unilateral.  The touch goes one way.  The giving is for this person who is receive to really fully explore.  And yes, giving choices and options;  would you like it a little lighter or stronger or more like this, are so valuable because it is about going into that Petri dish.  We get to go into the laboratory and we explore.

Usually when there is passion and turn on, the last thing that we are really available for is that self introspection and self awareness.  So taking it out of that arena of it being this passionate, hot, sexy night together, which is great. But in this particular instance for greater awareness, it is key to take it out of that particular arena.

Francesca:  So rather than have it just be this date where the intention is to kind of merge into sexual experience, that when I am the sacred intimate, or when I have hired a sacred intimate, it is a one way exchange.  One person is the divine guide and the other person really gets to open to receive and to exploring and learning themselves.  That is gorgeous.

We are running out of time.  This goes so fast.  Is there anything that you would…you know, those last tips.  I know you personally and know that you so embody this and so live this lifestyle.  Is there anything else, your favorite tip for our listening audience, on how to deepen that sexual Yogini lifestyle, that practice, so that all of their life is yum?

Carolena:  Keep the corners of your mouths turned upwards and breathe.  Smiling keeps the heart shocker open.  The heart being open and joy being breathed into the body, I think that is the most key thing.  Keep the gratitude flowing in.

Francesca:  That is gorgeous.  I just want to say that I am so grateful that I got to have you on the show today, with your joy and your uplifting energy and vision for us.  If people want to get a hold of you for sessions or to learn more about you, how would they reach you? 

Carolena:  Well, the can reach me at my personal cell phone, which is 415-717-3975.  Visit our website at yummatopia.com.  I just want to go on record as saying I am a big fan of yours in the world, dear sister.  You beautiful work and I love your writing, and I love who you are.

Francesca:  Thank you so much sweetheart.  I just want to say also to our listening audience that we so appreciate you, because you are the people all over the country that are transforming our world and bringing back the unity of heart, body, mind, sex, and spirit.

If you want to learn more about  Carolena and get transcripts from the show and download it and send it to your friends, you can do that at www.personallifemedia.com.  You can send emails to me there and also find out more about me and my private practice.  In the meantime, may you have a deep and soulful sex life.

Narrator:  Find more great shows like this on personallifemedia.com.