Episode 77 - Julia Allison & Mary Rambin: Meet the Women of TMIWeekly.com
Meet Julia and Mary, single, successful, twenty-somethings who are 2 of the three founders of a new "lifestyle" video cast called TMIWeekly.com. Julia is a dating expert and journalist. Mary is designer and style expert. Every few days they get together with their friend Meghan Asha (tech expert) and record themselves chatting about sex, love, style, cool toys, and pretty much anything else going on in their lives. They call it TMI (too much info) but I found it fascinating. So we got together on the phone and had a great conversation about dating, being happily single, sex, the meaning of concepts like "marriage" and "relationship." We laughed, we chatted. Join us for a light-hearted glimpse into the lives of these two women who love to talk. And don't miss their exercise about texting.
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Chip August: Welcome to “Sex, Love, and Intimacy.” I'm your host, Chip August. Today on the show, I am talking to a couple of, I would say, style experts. We're talking about love, intimacy, and sexuality amongst the single set and the younger set. I'm talking to Julia Allison, who’s a columnist for Time Out New York and a co-founder of NonSociety.com. She describes herself as a professional talking head. She has made over 350 on-air appearances in the past year including CNN, MSNBC, VH1, E!, and many others.
We're also talking to Mary Rambin. Mary has launched Moe, a collection of fashionable and functional handbags. Her signature design, the C.L.I.C.K. bag, was worn by Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, and Reese Witherspoon. Concurrently, Mary also pursues personal styling and teaching spinning classes. But the reason we're talking to them is because they're two of the three hosts of a program called, “TMI.”
Julia Allison: I think, it's really sad when women, of any age, thinks that being single or not having a significant other, boyfriend, fiancée, husband is a negative. There are a lot of things that we can do now that we couldn’t do if we had to check in with someone. I think that we really revel in that freedom. We have this unique opportunity to really enjoy our freedom and to sign out who we are as individuals, not just as one-half of a couple.
Don’t judge other people’s choices because a) it's not your business; and, b) you can't possibly know the circumstances. You cannot understand what happens between two people. They're the only people who can understand. Quite honestly, in terms of male-female relations, I barely understands half the things that are happening. Maybe only one person is understanding it, but, I think, that if in doubt, you just probably hold out. I also feel a little bit sad because I do think I am missing out on a lot of sexual experiences because I'm sort of restrained. Maybe [xx].
I remember once having a conversation with a friend of mine. He said, “Oh, you know, I have never had sober sex.” I thought, “Then you’ve never had sex!” Listen, I'm not talking about a glass of wine or two glasses of wine or whatever. I'm talking about getting wasted and then hooking up. There's just no one in this planet who’s been like, “God! That was a great decision that I made.” I understand why college kids do it because sex is nerve wracking and alcohol has the tendency to take the edge off. It blows you [xx] and it makes you feel sexier. But, it doesn’t make you look sexy and it doesn’t make you act sexy. You find that to be the case as you get older and older. Tipsy is one thing, obliterated is quite a different thing.
Chip August: I think of them as the TMI girls and this is two of the three of them. Welcome to “Sex, Love, and Intimacy” Julia and Mary.
Julia Allison: Hi.
Mary Rambin: Hi, Chips. I'm just going to clarify a really good. Julia, Megan, and I are co-founders of NonSociety.com. I am the style expert and Julia is, actually, a dating columnist, a long time dating columnist. We sit right into your demographics.
Chip August: Cool. Okay, first, can you just tell me a little bit about TMI and a little bit about NonSociety? What are they and what are you trying to do?
Mary Rambin: TMI has been a tri-weekly, we're going to bi-weekly talk show about sex, tech, and style. So, it's, basically, like a round table discussion with your girlfriends about current events and what's going on. You know, kind of just the climate of the dating world. What are trends that people are wearing? How do people perceived them? Then, obviously, technology is always changing so we've always have something to talk about there.
You'll find what we call “live cast” on our blogs, NonSociety.com where we give you our expert advice in those topics. Then, we also offer you a window into our lives so that you can get to see us throughout the day, get to know SS people. So that when we do give you advice, it's like a friend telling you, “Hey! I love that restaurant” or “This shampoo is better than that one.” I mean, we kind of range the gamut and we've really enjoyed doing it.
Chip August: Cool. So, I want to say I looked on the TMI site and watched the three of you. I went to a bunch of your archives, and it is, actually, starkly funny to watch you three.
Mary Rambin: Oh, thank you.
Chip August: It's very cute, informative, and interesting. The thing I couldn’t help but notice…now, I'm a married guy who's in his mid-fifties. I'm watching these three very attractive women talking. One of the things I notice is you, guys, seem to struggle a little bit with relationship.
Julia Allison: Well, that’s true. This is Julia, by the way. We are all single, and, actually, I would say happily single. Although we do, definitely, have the same issues that other women do in terms of trying to understand what guys are thinking. We try to understand why is it, exactly, that they dump us. We can't seem to get on the same page with them. I think that that makes us all relatable to other women. I would be very shocked to find a woman our age who says that she has a perfect dating life. We just are more honest about our foibles[sp] than other women.
Chip August: So, now, happily single. That’s what I do for [xx].
Julia Allison: Yes, happily single, yes.
Chip August: So, talk to me a little bit about that. Is it like, “Yes, I'm happy to be single for now. Then, sometime later, I expect…
Julia Allison: Oh, yes. I don’t think any of the three of us feel that single is going to be a permanent demarcation on our text forms. But, I do think that that sense of security…I mean, I think, all three of us have underlying sense of security. We are going to get married. We will have happy marriages. In the interim, I think, it's really sad when women – of any age – thinks that being single or not having a significant other, boyfriend, fiancée, or husband is a negative. There are a lot of things that we can do now that we couldn’t do if we had to check in with someone. I think that we really revel in that freedom.
Now, that isn’t to say that they aren’t nights where…I mean, my famous instance – it isn’t that famous but I talked about it a lot in my blog. It was like two months ago when I went to Blockbuster, I've never been there before. I'm not kidding. [xx] memory permit. I rented a video, and the guy said, “Saturday at five.” I thought he was asking me [xx], but I hit a low point – but I also realize...
Chip August: So, he's telling you when to return it and you're [xx] on you, right?
Julia Allison: Right, exactly.
Chip August: [xx].
Julia Allison: I know, it's like, “Oh, my God.” But, I also realize that we have this unique opportunity to really enjoy our freedom. To find out who we are as individuals, not just as one-half of a couple. I know when I came to New York, I had a boyfriend with whom I lived. I had been in relationships at that point for four years solid. I was always someone’s girlfriend. I broke up with this guy, who I thought I was going to marry, and I needed to find out who I was independent of any man. What I found out in the interim two years – I mean, I've been single for two years, and Mary and Megan have been single for about…Is that right, Mary? It's about the same time you’ve been single?
Mary Rambin: About a year.
Julia Allison: For about a year. Oh, yes, I guess, [xx] yes. Listen, we dated a lot. We have many relationships – four months, five months or whatever. But, I'm saying like a serious boyfriend we haven’t had for a while. I'm telling you like I feel like I've grown exponentially in this period of time. So, it's not a bad thing. That would be explaining the “happily single.”
Is that what you would say, Mary, when you say you're happily single? Do you say you're happily single?
Mary Rambin: It depends what day you catch[sp] me on. It’s sure happily single most of the time.
Chip August: When you're not happily single, what are you?
Mary Rambin: Crying in my closet.
Chip August: Okay.
Mary Rambin: I'm kidding. No, I'm dating, I'm dating and I'm enjoying dating.
Chip August: Right.
Mary Rambin: But we all know that’s treacherous and you are [xx].
Chip August: Talk to me, what is dating these days? What does that mean? What does it mean that you're dating?
Mary Rambin: I guess dating means going out for drinks and dinner with men that we think we might be able to tolerate for several months. Honestly, recently, I was stumped by a guy that I was dating. It was kind of shocking because he was the one who rude me over and took such initiative. He really went above and beyond to get my attention. Then, all of a sudden, he was like, “I want to go do something else and do my own thing.” I was like, “Now, wait a minute. This is your idea, and I just fell for the whole thing.”
On the other hand, there are times where people are mutually attracted. Then there are times when sometimes you're just going out because you don’t want to be home that night. So, dating can mean a whole host of things these days, I guess.
Chip August: When I talk to college kids – I talk to high school kids and college kids – and I hardly ever hear them talk about dating anymore. Now, what I hear them talk about is hooking up.
Mary Rambin: That’s true. Those little buggers are sluts. I hear more and more about it all the time. I'm like, “God! They're quick to drop their panties, aren’t they?”
Chip August: I'm sorry. I think slut could be a complement. So, I'm just [xx].
Mary Rambin: Oh, really? See, that’s [xx] is what a complement these days? Did you know this, Julia?
Chip August: No. It, probably, isn’t among them. I think, that’s a personal belief I have.
Mary Rambin: Oh, okay.
Chip August: I think, shamelessness around sexuality is, probably, a good thing, not a bad thing.
Mary Rambin: Alright, I guess, we’ll have to agree to disagree, Chip.
Chip August: Right. So, that’s what I want to talk about. I was a pretty interesting reaction, right? So, I'm a little curious, like what's the deal? How do you decide who's like just date material, who's just dancing material, or who, actually, you have sex with? It's not clearly not, “I want to marry you and have your children.” You both just told me, “No, not really, not right now, anyway.” So, how do you make that call?
Mary Rambin: Well, Chip, you're the one in your 50s, you should be the expert on this.
Chip August: I am, but I want to know about you.
Mary Rambin: Oh, I see.
Chip August: I can give you advice on how to make that call if you’d like, but this is really about you.
Mary Rambin: No, I'm kidding. I think, it's kind of the day that you catch somebody. If you go out to dinner with somebody for the first time, if you're having a bad day, you'll probably be more close [xx]. If you're having a great day, then you'll be more open. You'll be more willing to listen to their stories and that sort of thing. So, it's the day that moderately well, you'll probably give them another chance. Whereas, if you had the worst day, you're like, “Oh, I'm not going to see this guy anymore.” So, you know what? Honestly, if your chemistry isn’t fireworks, initially, whether or not you have sex with them is kind of like, “Oh, I'm just kind of feeling like it today or not.”
Julia wants to butt in.
Chip August: Okay. So, Julia, I want to hear what you have to say. But pause for a moment because I want to take a break here.
Mary Rambin: Okay, sure.
Chip August: So, we're going to come right back to this question and I, actually, want to hear what you have to say about dating and sex. When you say yes and when not. And, I want to give a chance for our sponsors to support us and us to support our sponsors.
Listeners, you're about to hear our little bank of ads. I want to remind you that these sponsors, these ads, they're created for my show and they're what really make this show possible. So, please do stay tuned, listen to the ads. I also want you to know most of my sponsors offer special deals for you, dollars off or percentages off on their products. Check the episode pages that you can find at PersonalLifeMedia.com. You can, usually, find some good deals on some of those things that you'll going to hear advertised. Then, please do come back because we've got a lot more fun things to talk about with the TMI women. We'll be right back.
Chip August: Welcome back to “Sex, Love, and Intimacy.” I'm your host, Chip August. We're talking to the TMI women, specifically, Julia Allison and Mary Rambin. We are talking about sex, sexuality, and the single life, particularly, among some attractive women in New York. As we went to break, we had just been talking about Mary, I think, had just been talking about when you have sex, when you don’t have sex. Julia, you wanted to talk about dating and sex.
Julia Allison: I think, you asked her when you should sleep with the guy. Is that correct?
Chip August: Well, I was saying that when I talk to high school kids and college kids, I don’t hear a lot about dating. I hear a lot about hooking up. Then, her response “[xx] of those are sluts.” It just kind of made me wonder. So, when do you have sex with somebody? Like, what's in and what's not?
Julia Allison: We're big advocates of dating. I think, all three of us feel very strongly that dating is a really important part of finding out a lot about yourself. Certainly, about finding out what you want in a future mate. A lot of people complain about dating and they say that it's not something that they, necessarily, enjoy. I think that that’s a really negative way of looking at things. I think that, first of all, I believe that your attitude determines your happiness no matter what you're doing.
But secondly, I am always been a huge advocate of dating. Even in college, I dated a lot. I didn’t hook up, I just didn’t feel comfortable doing that. It wasn’t fulfilling for me sexually to be with someone who I didn’t think cared about me at all. I may sound a little bit like a prude, but it's not that I don’t enjoy sex. It's that I just did sort of analysis, and I was like, “Look, the sex that I enjoyed the most was with someone who I thought really cared.” I'm not even saying love, I'm just saying “care.” Like, there's a respect there.
I think that people seem to take this and what they think is that, “Okay, you're saying that that means you can never have sex or people can only have sex after marriage. You can only enjoy people physically if you're in this serious, monogamous relationship.” That’s just not the case. I'm not going to go so far as to say that. But I, definitely, don’t like to sleep with a guys very quickly. I'm sort of infamous for that.
Chip August: But, turn that around. I think what I'm hearing you say is you do like to have a genuine heart connection and feel like there's real intimacy and friendship. There’s something between you before you really want to move it to sex.
Julia Allison: Yes, exactly. I am disappointed that more people don’t feel that way. Actually, I think, it really limits me in terms of how I have been able to express my sexuality. That sounds really lame.
Chip August: No, no. So, are you saying, basically, you don’t put out on the first date and guys don’t ask for a second date?
Julia Allison: It's not that. No, they always ask for a second date.
Chip August: Congratulations.
Julia Allison: No, that’s not my problem. My problem is like five months’ end. But the thing is no, I don’t have any issues. In fact, actually, guys seem to really appreciate the holding out a little bit. I'm not even talking about first date, like that’s not an issue. I don’t sleep with anyone even, remotely, in the first date. I'm not talking second day, I'm not talking a third day. Like, I hold out for a while. We're talking like a month, two months, and that may mean up to 11 dates. That’s just what it takes.
But I think that it's really sad because I do think that sometimes I know I feel as if I can have a relationship with someone. Someone who is just caring and involved sex but they're not, necessarily, my boyfriend. I think that most people don’t think that that’s an option and I think it should be.
Chip August: So, when you say what most people don’t think, you think that there are a lot of people out there that are having sex with people that may not even really care about them.
Julia Allison: Oh, yes, absolutely. I think that that had happened all the time. I'm a huge advocate of don’t judge other people’s choices because a) it's not your business; and b) you can't possibly know the circumstances. You cannot understand what happens between two people. They're the only people who can understand. Quite honestly, in terms of male relations, I barely understand half of the things that are happening. So, maybe only one person is understanding it, but I think that, if in doubt, you should, probably, hold out. God, those sounds, they rhymes. But, I also feel a little bit sad because I do think I am missing out on a lot of sexual experience just because I'm sort of…well, Mary just said prude. I would use the word “restrain,” maybe repressed [xx]. I'm going to let Mary chime in here.
Mary Rambin: No, she's not a prude and I'm not a slut, although now, I guess, I realize that’s a complement. But I think that Julia is right. I think it all depends on the people, it all depends on the chemistry, and you really can't judge. You just have to trust that people know what they're doing with themselves.
Chip August: Okay. So, I want to stay with sort of this whole thing a little bit here. Do you think you learned these attitudes from your parents or from your friends? I mean, all around you, people are making different choices about sexuality. Do you think you learned about sex from where?
Mary Rambin: That’s a really good question. Actually, I know that I first learned about sex from my two girlfriends in middle school. My Mom told me that I shouldn’t be hanging out with. But, they were kind of more sexually on the cutting edge and I just kind of watched and learned as they had their exploits. So, I got cheer the [xx] and then hear about what everybody else had to say about them. So, that was kind of a good initial start to what not to do, I guess.
Yes, it was really open and honest my Mom and so she kind of guide me through the way. You know what? I think, in some ways, practice does make perfect because as quickly as you learn what you like, you learn what you don’t like. That’s not to say start early, it's just say be safe and try out a few different things.
Chip August: I do tell people sometimes, I believe you can't know that you’ve gone too far until you’ve gone too far. So, that means sometimes you’ve really gone too far and then have to pull back.
Mary Rambin: I agree with you, absolutely.
Chip August: So, what do you wish you’d learned? What do you wish somebody had told you or given you better lessons on so that bumps wouldn’t have been so hard?
Mary Rambin: In terms of relationships or in terms of [xx].
Chip August: Relationship, sex, and love. Sex, love, and relationship.
Mary Rambin: You know what? I think, unfortunately, that you have to make the mistakes for yourself. People give you advice and you're like, “No, but I feel this way. This is what's going on with me right now. I might feel differently later, but this is how I feel now.” I've lost who I still consider as to be the love of my life because I was just at a point in my life where I was in a transitional stage. I'm very ambitious, so not knowing the direction I was going was very difficult for me. I just graduated college and I didn’t know what I was going to do with myself. Everything I'd studied for and worked for I kind of tossed out the window.
I lost this amazing man who I've not been able to find anybody who compares to. But, I'll tell you, at the time, when people said, “Mary, he is the best thing that’s ever going to happened to you.” I didn’t listen because I was like, “But this, but that.” You know what? Now, after learning about lessons the hard way, I'm more careful. I will try to be more cognizant of what's my feeling now and what's my feeling overall. So I think, unfortunately, you have to have those hiccups just like you have to nail what you don’t like to really appreciate the good stuff.
Chip August: Well, before you hand this phone back over to Julia, let me just say something. I know you think it might have been the love of your life. From the perspective of my too many years, there will be other love of your life.
Mary Rambin: Oh, I know. I'm looking forward to all of them, Chip.
Chip August: There may not be a lot others, but there will be others.
Mary Rambin: Thank you. You know what? I'm still in my twenties, so I'm optimistic, too.
Chip August: Yes, absolutely. Ask Julia the same questions.
Mary Rambin: Okay, hold on one second.
Julia Allison: Yes, sir.
Chip August: I was asking Mary what did you learn about sex, love, and intimacy from your parents?
Julia Allison: Oh, my God. My Mom, definitely…
Chip August: Is that from your parents or your friends? You know, you have an attitude right now about like, “This is who gets into my body and when and how and…
Julia Allison: Right.
Chip August: Where did that come from?
Julia Allison: My mother, definitely started me up really young with one of those videos. Yes, it's the truth [xx]. So, it's like when I was – I don’t even know, ridiculously young – maybe five years old. That was like the sperm and the egg, it was TMI for real. Then, I got about six years of sex education when I was in junior high and high school. That really made an impact on me.
But, I think, it was one of those things that…you know, the friends that I had in high school when I just starting to [xx] boys and what not, were really conservative. I mean, we had very good values and I tend to be a little bit obsessive-compulsive about organization. So, I had like when I was 14, I had my first kiss and when I was 15, I went to second base. Then, when I was 16, I went to third base. Then, when I was 17, I lost my virginity. It was like very regimented. When I lost my virginity to a guy who, actually, I'm taking to the inauguration on Tuesday. Like, we're still be [xx], like he was my best friend.
Chip August: Cook, that’s very cool.
Julia Allison: The reason that I think that that had happened is we dated a long time. We dated for a while, we talked about it. I, actually, told my mother I was about to have sex and things. “Mom, I want you to know I have sex for the first time. Like, I got birth control. I went to the [xx], we had condoms.” By the way, I would never have this conversation with her now. I don’t know how I had it when I was 17. It was right out of it after school special. I mean, it was like exactly what you're supposed to do. Even though the sex wasn’t really bad. The way we went about it was really good.
So, it ended up being a great decision for me. I don’t regret the way I learned about sex. But I do think, in terms of how I learned about how sex integrates with your life is not something that you really like, “Check, I'm done learning.” I'm like, we're still terribly confused about a lot of it. We still make, I think, a lot of mistakes. I think that something that most people don’t realize is like it's something that you have to continue to learn about. It's not just something that you learned about once and you're like, “I've already learned about sex.”
Chip August: Yes. It's exactly what I teach teens when they ask me about it. It's like, “Sorry, this is a life lesson. You're going to have what you're going to learn all the rest of your life.”
We're going to pause for a minute once again to give a little support to our sponsors. Listeners, my show audience keeps growing and growing and growing. I would really love your help with that. So, if you're liking this show or others of my shows, would you please send a link to your friends. Let them know about us and let them know where to find us. That helps us grow and helps the show stay on the air. Also, if you have suggestions for guests or comments or feedbacks about the show, please feel free to send me an email to [email protected]. I do read all my email and try to respond to all of it, so I'd love to hear from you.
We'll take a break. When we come back, we're going to continue this conversation. Also, Mary and Julia have some ideas about something you might want to try at home for yourself. We'll be right back.
Chip August: Welcome back to “Sex, Love, and Intimacy. I’m your host, Chip August. I’m talking to Julia Allison and Mary Rambin. They are two of the three hosts of “TMI Weekly.” A show that, basically, three chicks sitting around talking about everything and its kind of fun, actually. We’ve been talking about everything. Actually, we've been talking a lot about sex, love, and intimacy, where you learned and what you learned.
So, I just want to stay on this subject a little bit longer because I want to talk for a moment just about sex and drugs, and sex and alcohol. That’s the other thing, when I talk to college kids and high school, I’m not surprised because I was, actually, as a kid, used more drugs than I wished I’d had. I'm glad I lived through it. But I’m kind of sadden. So I kind of want to know what your take was on alcohol, sex, and drugs,
Julia Allison: I’m pretty open about the fact that I’ve never really done drugs at all. None of the three of us do drugs. I, actually, rarely, if ever, drink. I mean, I will have a glass of wine on a date, but its not something that it’s a part of regular life. I remember once having a conversation with a friend of mine – not a girlfriend, it was a guy friend. He said, “You know, I've never had sober sex.” I just looked at him and I must have heard him wrong. He said, “No, no. I’ve never had sober sex.” I thought, “Then, you’ve never had sex.”
To me, it seems like, you know, my sexual experience can be a little bit awkward because I’m not drunk. But, sure, I, definitely, think that it’s a big mistake. I’m not talking about the glass of wine or two glasses of wine or whatever. I’m talking about like getting wasted and then hooking up. There is just no one on this planet. He’s been like, “God, that was a great decision that I made.” I'm still glad that I did that.
I understand why, especially, college kids do it because it’s nerve wracking. Sex is nerve wracking. No one is going to say that it isn’t. Alcohol has the tendency to take the edge off, and it [xx] vision. It makes you feel sexier but it doesn’t make you look sexy and it doesn’t make you act sexy. Now, I’m like I'm one of those [xx] dared [xx] after school special, but it’s really true. You find that to be the case as you get older and older. Tipsy is one thing, obliterated is quite a different thing.
I was talking to a guy friend of mine. He’s 30 years old, and he said this girl he was going out with back to his place and vomited on his shoulder while they were in bed. You know what? Did he want to go out with her again? No, he didn’t. She could have avoided that by just sticking to three drinks as opposed to 13 drinks. I sound preachy, I realize, but it’s just not in your best interest if you want to maintain not only a relationship but any sort of semblance of a good sex relationship to get wasted and then fuck.
That’s my thinking. Mary, do you have opinion about drugs, alcohol, and sex?
Mary Rambin: Yes, I would tend to agree. Obviously, people usually drink on dates. So, I guess, if you drink too much, you’re more likely to get laid, but that’s not always a good thing.
Chip August: I think people drink and do drugs to reduce their inhibition, and I think it works.
Mary Rambin: Absolutely.
Chip August: But I also think that…
Mary Rambin: Or, if your date just [xx]. If you get through it, sometimes, the objective isn’t even sex. It's just like, “Oh,” then get out of here.
Julia Allison: But then if you know if you have to drink, that’s a bad date.
Mary Rambin: No, you don’t want to go on a date again, Julia. Nobody cares about [xx].
Chip August: Got it, got it. If you need to drink to get through the day, that’s probably not [xx] there’ll going to be a second date.
Mary Rambin: Yes, that’s true. Julia just [xx] my date on Facebook for Friday night.
Chip August: Ooh. Yes.
Mary Rambin: Julia was talking about her date.
Julia Allison: I have a date tonight and a date on Friday. I talked to him yesterday. This is a date that was set up by a matchmaker, by the way. Yes, really cool. So, he called me up and he goes, “I’ll have you picked up and dropped off. Don’t worry about anything. Don’t worry about a thing.” I am thinking those are the magic words to any woman who’s stressed out or overloaded, overwhelmed, over worked. You don’t have to worry about anything is, basically, like I’m telling you, this guy gets a massive point. He’s like already, in terms of the number of dates that will take him to get to sex [xx].
Chip August: He just got a big head start.
Mary Rambin: Yes, exactly. He got a head start there.
Chip August: Listen. We’re coming to the end of our time here. If people want to watch TMI Weekly, if they want to read your blog, if they want to get to know more about you, how do they do that?
Julia Allison: So, we have three live casts and they're on NonSociety.com. You can find each of us – mine is Julia.NonSociety.com, Mary’s is Mary.NonSociety.com. Our third beautiful team member is Megan.NonSociety.com, but just go to NonSociety. Then, our Web show, which we love doing, we just taped a little bit earlier today. It’s bi-weekly, it’s at TMIWeekly.com. So, you can find us there and we live cast all the time. You can see pictures of us doing just about anything at any given point in the day. We update all the time. We do it for fun and we have a great time doing it. We’re three best girlfriends and this is the only way I would want to spend my time, so we’re lucky.
Chip August: As I said, listeners, if you get a chance to watch it, you’ll feel like you’re sitting in the living room with three interesting women. They are just chatting away about stuff, that’s the kind of the stuff you want to chat away about.
Julia Allison: Yes. We wanted it to be like the viewer felt as if they were sitting in a couch with their girlfriends because that’s how we are with our girlfriends. Probably, maybe with a little bit less make-up, that’s about it.
Chip August: I want to say, if you’re a person who wants to understand women better. Either you’re a woman or man, you just feel like you want to understand women better. There’s really no better way to understand anyone than to just sit and listen to them. So, it’s great opportunity here.
Listen, as we come to the end of the show, I always like to ask my guests. Is there some techniques, some tools, some exercise, or something that somebody listening to this show can, actually, try in their own life that might improve sex, love, or intimacy in their life. On one of the break, you and I were talking about texting idea. Can you talk a little about that?
Mary Rambin: Absolutely. So, today, we just, actually, sat at the set of TMI and text [xx]. So, how to communicate via text with that person you’re trying to start a relationship with. Tip number one, Julia and I, are both pretty big on not abbreviating. If you’re going to write out the word straight, it’s not S-T-R-A. It’s the word “straight.” I’m okay with an occasional “u” instead of Y-O-U. But, correct English is always helpful. Second of all, text stalking. Most people text their text messages pretty regularly. So, if you have to text more than twice, you should know that you either a) that person is trying to play hard to get; or b) they don’t want to talk to you. No more texting, no text stalking.
Chip August: So, no 10 or 12 messages because the person didn’t answer the first five.
Mary Rambin: Yes, absolutely. Tip number three, attempt to be witty but don’t be gross. You never want to have too much exposed over a text message because you never know where that might end up. Tip number four, don’t text too late at night because then people are wondering, you know, “Is it a booty[sp] text, or is it a drunk text?” or if you really mean it. So, I think, the protocol goes for as it would for a stone[sp] call. You know, nine to five appropriate or nine to eight maybe are appropriate texting hours. If you really like them, just go ahead and pick up the phone. If you get someone to say you want to ask them out or you’re interested in have their day with, pick up the phone because that shows that you really care.
Chip August: Cool! So, listeners, if you haven’t actually doing the world of texting because I know a lot of people over 30 sort of miss this5 whole thing.
Mary Rambin: Actually, that’s not true, Chip. My Mom text frequently and is an avid Twitter.
Chip August: Yes, Twitter. Absolutely, Twitter. So, I invite you all, listeners, play with your text messages. See if you can find a way to enhance your communication.
Mary Rambin: Absolutely.
Chip August: Julia and Mary, I want to thank you for making the time for this. It’s been really fun talking to you.
Mary Rambin: It’s our pleasure, absolutely. Thank you.
Julia Allison: Thank you so much.
Chip August: Maybe in a year or so, check back in and hear what’s going on in your life.
Mary Rambin: It sounds good, Chip. Thanks so much.
Julia Allison: That’ll be great.
Chip August: Thank you. Listeners, thank you very much for listening to this episode of “Sex, Love, and Intimacy.” I hope you’ll join me again.
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