Sparking Up Your Love Life with Romance with Mary Zalmanek
On the Minds of Men
Dr. Lori Buckley

Episode 21 - Sparking Up Your Love Life with Romance with Mary Zalmanek

Dr. Lori Buckley interviews Mary Zalmanek, author of "The Art of the Spark: 12 Habits to Inspire Romantic adventures". In this episode Mary talks about romance and explains how it can improve our relationships in and out of bed. She also gives us examples of some of her favorite romantic stories, and gives us tips and ideas on how to create our own romantic adventures. More details on this episode go to



Sparking Up Your Love Life with Romance

Announcer:  This program is intended for mature audiences only.

Lori Buckley: Welcome to The Minds of Men: Uncensored Sex Talk. I’m your host Dr. Lori Buckley. Today on the show we’re talking about romance and how to spark up your love life. Our guest today is Mary Zalmanek, author of The Art of The Spark: 12 Habits to Inspire Romantic Adventures. Mary Zalmanek, she has an MBA, but she also is a romantic adventurer, so that’s her RA, which she’s much more proud of. She knows how to help you put the spark in your relationship, and she has such great stories in her book of some romantic adventures that I know you’re all going to love. Now, it’s not just that she knows this, she’s done it, she’s learned it from being in love with love, listening to lots of other people, and living it in her own relationship, which we’ll talk a little bit about. Her enthusiasm for romance translates into a gift for helping others and plan their romantic adventures, so you can learn how to plan your romantic adventures today, and why is that important? Because it makes your relationship and your partner so much better, and of course that leads to more sex. So, Mary has turned her passion for romance into a business called Adventures of the Heart.

Mary Zalmanek: “Can you help me plan my, something special?” And so, I spent 20 minutes on the phone with him. We turned an ordinary dinner date into a fabulous romantic adventure. Two days later he called me back and he said, “My wife said that was the best day of her life.” When you can contribute to someone else’s happiness like that, it comes back to you a thousand fold. Romance can go a long way towards balancing our lives and keeping the smiles on our faces. It really helps smooth out the rough spots. I think the challenge comes in when it’s up to one person in the relationship to provide all the romance, whether it’s a man or a woman. It becomes a burden then. So I like the idea of sharing responsibility for romance.

Lori Buckley: Welcome Mary.

Mary Zalmanek: Why thank you. It’s a pleasure to be here.

Lori Buckley: I’m so excited to have you. I love your book.

Mary Zalmanek: Well thanks. And I love your show.

Lori Buckley: Well thanks. It’s a mutual, beneficial relationship, we learn from one another. What I love about your book is not only the stories, I love reading the stories, I mean some of them even brought tears to my eyes, but that anybody can read this book, the romantically challenged and people who have thought about doing something great for their partner but didn’t really know where to begin. It has exercises that anybody can do and I think separate from creating this romantic adventure, really be able to add so much fun and connection into their relationship. So, it’s just, it’s a great tool. I also really love reading the quotes; they’re a lot of fun too. Now, I just want to ask you some questions that I think will really be helpful for our listeners and I want to learn more about what you do. Now you call yourself romantic adventurer,

Mary Zalmanek: Yes.

Lori Buckley: and I just want to hear more about how you became this expert on romance.

Mary Zalmanek: Well it didn’t happen overnight, I can tell you that. I think I had a typical marriage in that after about ten years it was starting to get a little dull. And I looked around at what was happening to some of the other people I knew that had been married about the same amount of time and they were getting divorced or having affairs or thinking about it or they were just bored. And I knew very clearly that I didn’t want to go there. The morning after I’d helped a newly divorced friend get ready for a date with a new man I woke up and thought, you know what, unless something changes, I could be among that fifty percent of people who divorce because it’s not as much fun as it used to be, and I saw in my friend getting ready for this date how much fun she was having and I was jealous. And I didn’t want a new man, so I thought you know, what I have to do is make my own relationship more fun. And so I really set about to do that.

Lori Buckley: And what I like is, you know, yeah you talk about the fifty percent who are divorced,

Mary Zalmanek: Yeah.

Lori Buckley: but then you can talk about the other whatever percent, and I think it’s pretty high, who are married and not having fun anymore. So, not only were you able to create some fun in your relationship, but it sounds like you have a lot of fun in what you do here.

Mary Zalmanek: You know, I do, but the really cool thing was after my husband and I both really made an effort to have more fun together and celebrate in a way that meant something to both of us, our friends started noticing and word got around, and one day I got a call from a guy I had never met, and he said, “My anniversary is in two days. Can you help me plan my, something special.” And so, I spent twenty minutes on the phone with him. We turned an ordinary dinner date into a fabulous romantic adventure. Two days later he called me back and he said, “My wife said that was the best day of her life.”

Lori Buckley: Wow.

Mary Zalmanek: And you know what, that, to me, was just absolutely addicting. I wanted to be a part of more best ever days, and that’s when I started Adventures of the Heart, to help people plan romantic and fun adventures.

Lori Buckley: Yeah, and I also, I would love to hear, yeah it was the best day of her life but how did that come back to him, how did that change his life and his relationship. My guess is, in very positive ways.

Mary Zalmanek: Oh my gosh, yeah. Yeah, it just, when you can contribute to someone else’s happiness like that, it comes back to you a thousand fold.

Lori Buckley: It’s so, so true. I always tell people, they’re always complaining about their partner, “Oh, if only he or she would do this or that”. But if you can be a good partner and you take that step and do those things to make your partner happy,

Mary Zalmanek: Yes.

Lori Buckley: to be supportive and loving and all of those things that you want to get back, you will and, I have a question that’s somewhat redundant ‘cause I think that we’ve already talked about the answer, but lets go a little bit further into it. Why is romance so important?

Mary Zalmanek: Well, in The Art of the Spark, I write about romantic adventures, and that’s what makes loving more fun. It adds the joy to your life. You know, in new relationships romance is so easy. Remember how easy it is? But after a while it starts to fade, but if your vision of your relationship is that you want to keep having fun together, there’s no reason to lose that as the years go by. You know, life gets complicated with careers and obligations and families and whatnot, but if we place that priority on each other, romance can go along way towards balancing our lives and keeping the smiles on our faces. It really helps smooth out the rough spots.

Lori Buckley: Yeah, I agree, and you’re right. At the beginning of the relationship I think one thing that we can discern between the beginning and the end,

Mary Zalmanek: Yeah.

 Lori Buckley: so to speak, is that at the beginning our partner is our priority. Everything we think about, you know, we dream, sleep, eat everything our partner, and that becomes our focus, it becomes our focus over everything else, and then as time goes on obviously we can’t keep that up because we wouldn’t get anything accomplished.

Mary Zalmanek: Right.

Lori Buckley: So, but the problem is then relationship gets put on, way on the back burner and we do all those other things because we already have that partner and we, it’s not that we intend to neglect the relationship, it just happens and it happens very subtly to where all of a sudden couples, weeks or years have gone by and they’re saying, “Wait a minute, what happened? What happened to the fun we used to have?”

Mary Zalmanek: And the cool thing is it really doesn’t take a lot of time to put that priority back. It’s by doing the things that really matter most to you and your beloved, you get that excitement without spending a huge amount of time. There’s little things you can do.

Lori Buckley: So if you think about, ‘cause I know people hear the word romance, especially men, and they’re like, “Ugh!” You know, they have this vision of candles and bubble baths and massages, and it’s like “Uh, gosh!” That doesn’t sound so appealing sometimes. I think there’s something about that word that can be off-putting, although women tend to really like it, and I’m just wondering if we can think another way to define romance, what would you say about that?

Mary Zalmanek: I would say it’s really having fun and the one thing that I think is really important to realize is that romance is different for every person. And yeah, if romance isn’t the bubble bath and the candles to you, what is it? I mean, I’ve got a story that I love to tell. It’s about a woman. One time I asked her, I said, “What’s your favorite gift your husband has ever given to you?” And she thought for a minute and had tears in her eyes when she answered me and she said, “Bear repellant.” You know, the thing was she had gone to Yellowstone for years and years, and one year she was going to go without her husband and her husband knew that she was going to be out and about country, watching grizzly bears running. He had arranged to have bear repellant and roses delivered to her hotel room. And it wasn’t the roses that made her feel so loved, it was the bear repellant because it just spoke to her of how much he loved her, how much he cared for her safety. And so it wasn’t the roses that excited her, it was you know, just knowing how much he loved her and that he cared about her as an individual.

Lori Buckley: It’s the meaning behind the gift and there’s a quote in your book by Margaret Wolff Hungerford, I think I’m saying that right, “Just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, romance is in the heart of the beloved.”

“Mary Zalmanek: Yes.

Lori Buckley: So, I love that, ‘cause that’s true and how do you know that, and I think just when somebody takes the time to find out what is romantic for their partner or what their partner enjoys or how their partner would feel cherished and loved, that alone says so much.

Mary Zalmanek: Absolutely.

Lori Buckley: You know, you love me.

Mary Zalmanek: And the other thing is I talk about a concept called the five love languages and this is from a man named Gary Chapman, he wrote this book.

Lori Buckley: Great book.

Mary Zalmanek: And I go into that in the very first chapter because there are different ways of expressing your love. You know, if what you want are to hear words of affirmation instead of receiving a gift, if you get, you know, some roses for your birthday it’s not going to mean as much as if somebody had really taken the time to say, “This is why I appreciate you. I love you. You know, you look nice.” And so it’s really important to know what your partners love language is,

Lori Buckley: I agree.

Mary Zalmanek: and to respond in that way. And the five love languages, I’ll go ahead and say what they are; it’s words of affirmation, receiving gifts, acts of service, physical touch and quality time. And if you don’t know what your partners love language is, you know, just try doing one of those things in each category over the next day or so and see how she responds. You know, you may find that what you really thought she wanted was physical touch, hugs and kisses, but you know, when you take out the trash or take care of the kids, that’s going to make her feel so much more loved and appreciated.

Lori Buckley: Yeah, very much so. And I know a lot of men feel that way. They feel like they do so much, you know they’re, a lot of them are taking out the trash or they’re earning a living and they’re supporting a family or whatever it is that they’re doing, they’re loving in the way that they know how to love, which is often doing, and

Mary Zalmanek: Yeah.

Lori Buckley: they don’t feel that they’re getting the appreciation. Even though their partner probably does appreciate it, it’s not expressed, so I think it needs to go, it needs to go both ways to say, “Okay, my partner is loving me in the way that they know how to love or the way that they enjoy being loved and that’s wonderful, I appreciate that, but I would also really love it if my partner would do this or that.

Mary Zalmanek: Yeah.

Lori Buckley: Yeah, which is…

Mary Zalmanek: I think anytime you do something that’s loving it’s going to be appreciated, but the one that really is going to make the most difference is the one that means the most to them. There was a woman one time that told me, she said, “You know, my husbands trying to make me happy with a trip to Paris, but I’m still mad at him for not taking out the trash.

Lori Buckley: I love that story.

Mary Zalmanek: I was just amazed by that, but you know her love language is acts of service.

Lori Buckley: Well, I totally get that. Yeah. So she’s feeling that resentment and so this is something that he’s doing that seems really grand, but is missing the mark.

Mary Zalmanek: Uh huh.

Lori Buckley: Which leads me to, so you deal with a lot of couples, you work with a lot of men, I’m imagining more men call you than women, but I’m sure women do to, but I’m just wondering, many of our listeners are men, do you think that men are romantically challenged?

Mary Zalmanek: No, I don’t. I think the challenge comes in when it’s up to one person in the relationship to provide all the romance, whether it’s a man or a woman. It becomes a burden then. So, I like the idea of sharing responsibility for romance.

Lori Buckley: Mm hmm.

Mary Zalmanek: You know, in the relationship if the responsibility for any romantic outing falls on one person or the other, its not going to be as much fun, it really does get to be a burden, and I think a lot of times, you know, that happens to men where women expect that men do all the romancing. Well, it’s going to seem like they’re romantically challenged, but when’s the, when’s the last time that, you know, someone did some, you know, a woman did something for him, and I think it’s important that it’s equal.

Lori Buckley: Yeah.

Mary Zalmanek: And I think men in love want to be romantic, but they don’t always know how because it is so different for everyone.

Lori Buckley: Mm hmm.

Mary Zalmanek:And I’ve found that men are often the most eager to learn how to best love their sweethearts. You know, at events where I speak to an equal number of men and women, more men buy my book than women. I think overall I think I’ve got more women readers just because women tend to read more and I speak at a lot of women’s functions, but when there’s, when there both men and women there, it’s far more men, and that just says to me that, you know, if they are challenged, it’s just because they’re still trying to figure it out.

Lori Buckley: Right, and we can be difficult at times, lets face it.

Mary Zalmanek: Yeah.

Lori Buckley: You know, but I agree with you and I work with a lot of men as well, and I really do believe that men want to make us happy. They want it more than anything.

Mary Zalmanek: Oh, I do too.

Lori Buckley: Yeah. We need to help them out though, we need to, we need to give them,

Mary Zalmanek: Absolutely.

Lori Buckley: we need to give them some credit. And you know, the five love languages is a great tool for that, so you can look at it in other ways and get some ideas. But your book, just some of those stories, so about that, I want to hear about the most unusual adventure or the most exciting adventure that you’ve ever planned for a client.

Mary Zalmanek: Wow, that’s a hard choice because there are so many fun ones, but you know, I think the most unusual one was one time this man from Tennessee called me and I live in Colorado, he had read about me in a newspaper somewhere and he was really excited about using my services and he said, “You know, I just love surprises and my wife is so busy that she just wouldn’t have time to do anything like this for me”, and he just kept going on and on about that, and I said, “Well, you know, if you really like surprises that much, I’ll surprise both of you”. That was great. So, he filled out my questionnaire. I got to know him through asking questions, he set a budget, I corresponded with their best friends so I would know that what I’m doing really is good. But anyhow, to set it off I sent two boxes to them. They went to Atlanta for Thanksgiving and they had dinner at their Aunt’s house and after dinner she carried out these boxes, and the first box had a one pound fortune cookie in it, and on the inside it had the directions to the hotel that they were supposed to stay at and the other box had seven envelopes or little packages and on the outside of each package or envelope there was a date and time that each one should be opened and that told them what they were supposed to do throughout the whole weekend. And they did things like they had a massage and a hot air balloon ride and a little shopping trip. I mean, it was lots of fun things that they all, that they both would enjoy together, but it was fun because neither one of them knew what was coming up and I loved doing it.

Lori Buckley: Yeah, that sounds like so much fun to plan, and I think that’s a message too, it’s fun to plan these things.

Mary Zalmanek: Oh, it absolutely is. But you know, there’s another part of planning stuff like that too, and I talk about something called a surprise tolerance, and people don’t always like surprises, and it’s important to know how your beloved is going to respond to a surprise before you go and plan one because if they don’t like surprises and you plan, if you serenade them in a restaurant or something, they are going to be absolutely miserable.

Lori Buckley: Right.

Mary Zalmanek: But, you know, some people are up for anything and so I think it’s really important to know what your beloved’s surprise tolerance is and then modify or you know, kind of plan around that. It’s going to be a lot more fun for everybody if you do.

Lori Buckley: Yeah, and I saw that in your book which is a great, it’s a great little guide so you can cater it to your partners level of what they, what they enjoy surprise-wise.

Mary Zalmanek: You know, I don’t know if you read the comics, but there was a comic not long ago where this guy’s, his wife is having a fortieth birthday and his coworkers, even though the wife has said specifically “I don’t want a surprise party”, his coworker says, “Oh, she’s got to have one”, and so they, he plans this big surprise party, and in the end she ends up loving it and that’s exactly what she wanted, and I think that’s the wrong message because I think you have a responsibility to be honest about the level of surprise you want.

Lori Buckley: Mm hmm.

Mary Zalmanek: If you say you don’t want a surprise party but you really mean you do, that’s not being honest and I think we have to be more honest in our communication. If you say you don’t want a surprise party, you need to mean it.

Lori Buckley: Absolutely. As a matter of fact, that happened to me personally, on my fortieth birthday, I let everybody know, my husband, my friends, “I don’t want a surprise party”, ‘cause I didn’t. I said, “What I want is a slumber party with all my best friends, that what I want more than anything in the world. I don’t want a surprise party”. They threw me a surprise party. I was miserable. I came walking in with my pillow, thinking “I’m so excited, I’m going to have a slumber party with my friends and all of these people are “Surprise!”, and I mean, it was a lovely thought and I knew that the people who did it, who planned it really loved me and it was wonderful, but it wasn’t what I wanted, you know, and people need to listen, but you’re right, if we’re not honest and that goes in so many different areas right here.

Mary Zalmanek: You know, there was this one man who bought my gift for his wife for her fortieth birthday, but he read it before he gave it to her. And he said the part about the surprise tolerance was the most important thing because had he not read that he would have given her a party that he thought she should have, not what she wanted. And so they ended up having a conversation and she didn’t want a big surprise party either. They ended up having a more intimate dinner with some friends where they could actually have conversations and, I mean, it was a lot more meaningful and he said he wouldn’t have done that had he not read that chapter first.

Lori Buckley: So, we need to, it goes back to what you were saying, we need to love our partner the way that they want to be loved, not the way that we think they want to be loved or the way that we want to be loved, and sometimes that takes some communication.

Mary Zalmanek: Yes.

Lori Buckley: Now, right now we need to take a really quick short break, so we’re going to take a little break. I’m Dr. Lori, I’m with Mary Zalmanek and we’re going to be right back.

Lori Buckley: We’re back. You’re listening to On The Mind of Men. I’m your host Dr. Lori. We’re talking to Mary Zalmanek about relationships and romance and adventures. Before the break we were talking about how we really need to find out how our partner wants to be loved, ways that we can make them happy and sometimes that takes some communication. Now you have some great exercises that are tools to inspire that kind of communication, but do you have any other tips about that Mary?

Mary Zalmanek: I think the most important thing, like I said, is to always have fun with each other and know how to do that thing that they’re going to be most appreciative of. You know, everybody is different and I think that’s just really important. You know, there’s also a lot of other things in the book about how to actually go about planning some of these specific romantic adventures and everyone should be different. I mean, just because there’s a story in there, that doesn’t mean that that’s what you need to do, it just might spark an idea for you. Perhaps you might, you have a anniversary coming up and you want to give a gift. It’s really fun to plan a presentation around that gift. Whether it’s a book or a broach or a painting or a sail board or skis or a bicycle. You know, have fun with that gift, or, if not the gift itself, the manner of giving it. You know, send somebody on a treasure hunt to find their gift. You know, those kind of things, it makes the gift more memorable, just by the presentation will make it more memorable.

Lori Buckley: Yeah, so have fun doing it. And sometimes it’s a little trial and error, right? You try some different things and you pay attention to what kind of a response you get and you’re like, “Oh, okay.”

Mary Zalmanek: Yeah. And you know, you also just have to enjoy the bumps on the road to adventure, you know, not everything’s going to go right all the time. But if your attitude it right, it’s not going to make a big difference, you’re still going to have fun.

Lori Buckley: Right, ‘cause it’s coming from the right place. Now I talked about at the beginning how romance, why is it important, it’s important because it adds some fun and some spark, as the title of your book, into the relationship and I want to talk about how this can improve your sex life. What are your thoughts about that and specifically about desire. I mean, we know that for the most part women need to feel connected, right, before they, before they want sex, they want to feel loved and connected and that creates something. So lets talk a little bit about that. How does this translate into somebody’s sex life?

Mary Zalmanek: Well, I think if you’re playful in your romantic adventures outside of the bedroom, you’re going to be just as playful in your romantic adventures in the bedroom.

Lori Buckley: Oh ha.

Mary Zalmanek: And so, I think it’s important just to play together, to have fun together, to know how to laugh. And I think when you’re, when women feel loved, they are going to be more passionate and more open to try new things in the bedroom. That’s a lot more fun for them when they feel that connection.

Lori Buckley: So there’s this parallel. It’s like, “Okay, we’re having fun, we’re having adventures outside of the bedroom, doing new things, feeling loved, connection and lets now bring it into the bedroom. So, when it comes to romantic adventures, do people also plan those in the bedroom, do you help them plan those?

Mary Zalmanek: Yeah, I have helped a couple of couples do something really fun in the bedroom. There was one time there was a man who showed me a bracelet that he had bought for his sweetheart and you know, it was the kind of bracelet that, I mean, it was absolutely beautiful but for me it just looked, I felt like if I wore it I’d be in shackles, you know? And I didn’t say that to him, but the image I had was, you know, almost being tied up, and I said, “You know what, if you actually, you know, I’d learned this in a Tantra class that if you tie somebody up, put a blindfold on, then they are more focused on receiving, you know, they can’t, and it really intensifies that receiving feeling. I said, “If you do that, and slip that bracelet on her arm while she’s tied up, and then when she’s not tied up anymore, she’ll see it. I mean, it was so much fun for them, they told me about it later and they just had a ball doing this.

Lori Buckley: Oh, that sounds like fun.

Mary Zalmanek: It’s a great way to get jewelry, huh?

Lori Buckley: We can go into all realms of the relationship. And, you know, I love what you say about laughter. Laughter, out of bed, in bed, you know what, it’s so healthy, it’s one of the best things that we can do, ‘cause lets face it, sometimes it’s difficult to laugh when there’s so much going on in our lives, we’re all so busy, there’s so much stress, whether we’re parents or running a business or just trying to run a household, there’s so much stress in our lives. I find a lot of couples come in and, you know, sex becomes another one of those stresses, another one of those things that, “Oh, you know, we don’t have time to do this”, and when we can make that fun, not so much of a chore, well yeah, its going to not only increase the pleasure and laughter in your life, it is going to increase your sex.

Mary Zalmanek: Oh, absolutely. There was another couple one time who, she wanted to do something special for her sweetheart for his birthday and so she had this boudoir picture taken, you know, in the negligee and all that.

Lori Buckley: Right.

Mary Zalmanek: But then as also part of that she gave him ten Polaroid pictures and it was games you can play in your birthday suit, and she had dressed up in different kind of ways and different kind of scenes, little games of, oh, Pin the Tail on the Donkey, and, you know, it’s just really fun, I can’t remember all of her pictures, but she had a fun time making those pictures and then giving them to her sweetheart. That was a ball too.

Lori Buckley: Now that’s being creative.

Mary Zalmanek: Yeah.

Lori Buckley: Right?

Mary Zalmanek: It really was.

Lori Buckley: What I’d like to ask you, and it would be great if you could give our listeners some tips or ideas to create their own romantic adventures.

Mary Zalmanek: To do what?

Lori Buckley: To create their own romantic adventures.

Mary Zalmanek: I think that, think about the kinds of things you enjoy doing together, maybe even come up with a theme around that or if it’s like a birthday, think of the top ten reasons that you love that person. Maybe plan little activities around that, and they can be really small things ‘cause you’ll wear yourself out if you try to get too creative, but just little things. One time there was a man who was getting married and he wanted to do like the top ten reasons that he was marrying this lovely woman. And for every day for ten days he gave her a different card or a little gift, and they were really simple little things, like one time he said because she loved the out of doors they, on their honeymoon they had a little picnic under the starlight, you know, it’s just things like that, they don’t have to be really extravagant, but just little things,

Lori Buckley: Yeah.

Mary Zalmanek: that you keep doing. I think that’s one thing that’s important. In the first chapter I talk about building the foundation for adventure, and that’s with loving gestures, you know, doing lots of little things for each other every day. And then going on dates and then you’ll be ready for these, you know, once a year, once every five years, you know, maybe twice a year fantastic, romantic adventures.

Lori Buckley: And that’s important, it really is important, what you said about the romantic gestures.

Mary Zalmanek: Yeah.

Lori Buckley: Yeah, these little things that we can do every single day, whether it’s just a kiss in the morning,

Mary Zalmanek: Right.

Lori Buckley: or a hug before you go to bed or bringing your partner some coffee. Those little gestures do create a foundation and they’re so important, they’re just…

Mary Zalmanek: They let you know how loved you are. There was one time I told a man about something I had done for a client and he said, “You know, if I did something like that for my wife, she’d think I was apologizing for something I had done wrong.” And to me that says they didn’t have the right foundation for an adventure.

Lori Buckley: Right.


Mary Zalmanek: So you can’t just go out and create an adventure if you don’t have that kind of loving environment it’s not going to be anywhere near the same, so you need to create that and it’s so easy to do.

Lori Buckley: And I think that goes back to your Paris story.

Mary Zalmanek: Yeah.

Lori Buckley: You know, he did this trip to Paris and they didn’t have that foundation. No, he wasn’t taking out the trash everyday.

Mary Zalmanek: That’s right.

Lori Buckley: She didn’t get those messages that she was being cared for or loved and so the Paris thing, I mean, come on, who wouldn’t want to go to Paris? But you have to have that foundation.

Mary Zalmanek: Absolutely.

Lori Buckley: Yeah, it’s like if you have a home and there’s no, you can have the best furniture, you know, that there is, but if there’s no windows or doors, well, you know, it’s not going to, it’s not going to have quite the same thing.

Mary Zalmanek: You’re right.

Lori Buckley: You need to feel safe and secure within the relationship. And I just really want to recommend your book because I think it just gives you all the tools that you possibly need, as a matter of fact I want my partner to read it because why not? It’s just, it’s just some things to give you some great ideas. But I do want to ask you one final question before we wrap up ‘cause we’re running out of time, it’s a question I always like to ask just to kind of bring it all in, what is one thing that men can do to have a more exciting and satisfying relationship, one simple thing.

Mary Zalmanek: One thing, I would say to really find out what your love, what your partners love language is and practice it, every day.

Lori Buckley: Good, I like that. That’s very good advice. Now, if our listeners do want to contact you, find out about your services or get your book how can they find you?

Mary Zalmanek: My website is Art of the Spark, and they can go there, they can order my book there. I also send out a monthly newsletter, it’s free, with little tips for romance and romantic stories. And they can also get my book in just about any bookstore. If they don’t have it, it can always be ordered.

Lori Buckley: Okay, now we are going to put that link on the website, so check it out, check out Mary’s website, there’s a lot of great information there. So this has been fun, there’s just such great information, I love it, romance.

Mary Zalmanek: Well, thank you.

Lori Buckley: It’s such a wonderful thing. And what I like about it is, again, for those men or women out there who sort of shy away from the word, we can say, “You know what, this is really about fun and excitement and taking that step and really loving your partner, and…

Mary Zalmanek: It’s about getting the love you want and having fun while you’re doing it.

Lori Buckley: There you go. Love it. Well, thank you Mary, thank you so much for joining us, it’s been a lot of fun. And listeners, if you want to get transcripts of this show or any other show, you can go to, and of course I welcome your comments or questions and if you have any great romantic stories that you’re doing that has been inspired by this podcast, please write me, I’d love to hear them, [email protected] and we will discuss them on a future show. So that brings us to the end of the show. Listeners thanks for taking the time to listen. Mary, thank you so much. It’s been great.

Mary Zalmanek: Thank you. It’s been a pleasure.

Announcer:  Find more great shows like this on