Episode 74: Super Simple Snoozing Strategies, Part III

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Too busy for shut eye? Learn what lies at the root of too much to do, and how to say no with grace and style. Plus, what to do when you look inside and don't like what you find.

Transcript

Renée Stephens: Welcome to Inside Out Weight Loss. I am your host Renée Stephens and together we’re accessing and adjusting the control panel of your mind, body, spirit system. Bringing ease and joy to your weight loss journey and fullness to the rest of your life. A special welcome to new listeners to this show. We are delighted that you found us. I encourage you to jump right in to today’s episode and also go back to the beginning starting with the prologue where I share the Inside Out Weight Loss and Renée Method philosophy, as well as why I care so darn much about ending the weight struggle. You’ll get many times more out of this program than you put in, but you must put in to get out. The way I see it, if your weight loss journey isn’t easy, you’ve got more work to do. And, inside out weight loss is here to help you. We blend cutting edge behavior change tools, with a foundation of unconditional self acceptance to give you a whole new experience of weight loss. And, there is a thriving listener run community through the yahoo group that is dedicated to this show. You’ll find links at my blog on the right hand side at at www.personallifemedia.com/renee.

So, let’s prepare for today’s journey. For today’s evolution and transformation. By dropping inside as a share a moment of bliss courtesy of blisstrips.com. A quiet corner of the garden waits for you. A little bench tucked behind a flowering bush presents a comfortable perch. Sit and pause for a few moments soaking in the sights and sounds. The drone of a bee as it buzzes from flower to flower. A golden bird song slipping through the leaves from above. Breathe in the beauty of this hidden place. Let it fill you with the reassurance of a lovely day. Soon to be yours. And, as you take a deep breath, sinking down into the experience of this sanctuary, this quiet garden of peace where you can go deep to create and grow, allow your intention for this episode to bubble up from within. And, present itself to you. A special gift for today. Perhaps today’s intention is simply to let go of another piece of the weight struggle replacing it with freedom, confidence, joy, balance. Whatever it is that you desire.
           
I would like to go ahead and share with you a listener question that really caught my attention. She writes, “First of all, I would like to thank you for being a helpful and incredibly positive part in my weight loss journey thus far”. And, then she goes on to say that, “On program four, you asked us to imagine and personify the part of us that objects”. And, she says, “I thought that the thing I visualized would be something tolerable and well meaning. It was a giant, disgusting looking rock covered in green sludge. And, as I visualized it, it kept dripping its sludge all over the place. I was sitting and listening to your show, and I couldn’t talk to it, because of its chronic dripping. In fact, knowing that, that was inside of me made me gag while I was watching your show. In my visualization the first thing I did was throw it away. It was disgusting, and why wouldn’t I throw it away. But, then in Inside Out Weight Loss number five you said I shouldn’t suppress that part of me. Is it suppression if it has been discarded. If I found its true intention, which was positive: security and comfort, but told the green slime ball that it did not know what was best for me and its services were no longer needed. How should I handle this? It is such a creepy thing to hold inside of you, you know?”
           
And, I can really understand. I mean green, sludge ball doesn’t seem very appealing. And, how terrible to imagine that we have that as a part of us. And, yet the truth is that, that every part of us (this is going to be really obvious) is in fact part of us. And, if you notice the more you try to get rid of something the more that perhaps you seem to have it. So, I would like to make an important distinction here. And, the distinction is between trying, attempting to banish a part of ourselves. To get rid of it, to surgically remove it. Versus, allowing it to transform. Allowing it to transform. Now, this listener mentions that there is a positive intention. The true intention of this part of her was to provide her with security and comfort. So, what we say is, “yes, thank you so much for that treasure. For those beautiful gifts of security and comfort that you are wanting to give me. Isn’t it amazing that even though you don’t look so hot, green and slimy, underneath it all you really are beautifully, and positively intentioned. The essence of you is this positive intention. And, now that I know that. Now that we both know and recognize that you are positively intentioned, wanting comfort and security for me. Perhaps, we can find new and even better ways to give that to me by uniting with this other part of me. By uniting with all of me. By using all of the resources that I have available. You see, when we go to the level of the positive intention, of the true essence, of the part of us that has been standing in our way, and discover that it truly is something that we want to have even more of in the future. Then the means, it other words stopping us from being slender the way we want to be, can be transformed. And, we can discover at deep sub-conscience levels often, sometimes at conscience levels as well, new ways of being secure and comfortable as in this example. New ways of having these gifts. While also being naturally slender. Imagine that. If you could be naturally slender and have the gifts of the part of you that has been objecting, in this case security and comfort. If you could have more security and comfort than you ever imagined possible, while being naturally slender. Now wouldn’t that be fantastic. We are moving from an either or world. Either we are fat and secure or skinny and insecure to a both/and world. Where we are both secure and comfortable and slim, fit and heathy.
           
So, we honor the green slime ball. We accept the green slime ball. After all what better way to practice unconditional self acceptance than on the part of us that we like the least. That appears the ugliest. How do we go to self acceptance? By going to the positive intentions. By looking at the true, beautiful, essence of the parts of us that we like the least. I hope this is all making sense to you. I do go through in detail the guided journey to create this kind of transformation in my Sabotage Self-Sabotage Guided Journey available on my website which is linked to from the blog, of course, personallifemedia.com/renee. It is a powerful journey of transformation especially that we thought, that appeared to be the least likable.
           
Last episode, as you may remember, we talked about the cycles of sleep and prioritizing self care. And, I’m wondering if you had an opportunity to make your list of values and priorities and even to keep a time diary. To see exactly where your time goes. If so, I would love to hear about it on the blog personallifemedia/renee. Any revelations? Do your priorities line up with your values and your time? Or, do you make enough time for your priorities? What if for example, you just have way too much work to get done. Maybe you are understaffed at work, there aren’t enough people there to get everything done. Maybe you take on more than you can reasonably do. Maybe you have a difficult time saying “no” for example, when people ask for help. Could that be you? If you don’t have enough time for self care, getting enough sleep, exercising, eating well. Not having enough time is a code for saying it is not high enough on your priority list. So, whenever you find yourself saying, “oh, I just don’t have time”.  Hear yourself say, “It is not my top priority”, “it is not high enough on my priority list for me to give it the time I do have”. So, let me ask you this. Do you know how to say “no”. With a positive and confident attitude? Do you know how to give feedback to your boss, if you have a boss at work? Working in corporate America, I realized that is not the boss’s job to manage your work load. All right, maybe in a few unusual jobs, maybe it used to be a boss’s job to manage your work load, but when we switched in many types of jobs to giving more autonomy and responsibility, to more people, no one mentioned this, but we also, give individuals the responsibility to manage their own work load. And, honestly, in most jobs the boss doesn’t know how long it takes to do something. Especially, if the boss hasn’t done it before him or herself. So, often the only person who really knows, how long it takes you to do something, is you. So, again my question is: are you giving the feedback to your boss, or your family, who may be acting as your boss, on how much you can reasonably do? Now, I am not talking about goofing off and getting as little done as possible. I am assuming, that we all want to do the best job that we are able to do. But, often, bite off more than we can chew. Now, there is an interesting figure of speech, huh. As you ponder that one, it is actually time for us to take a break to support our sponsors. You are listening to Inside Out Weight Loss on personallifemedia, and this is your host Renée Stephens.
           
We are back now. Before the break, we were talking about biting off more than you can chew. What if instead, you took an amount that you could easily appreciate and digest. I have a client right now who is in this situation where she has way too much work. As in many companies, there has been lay-offs at her company, and she finds herself with more and more work to do. She is working long hours, she is working weekends, and exercise and self care have been taking a back burner. So, I asked her, well, what do you think is beneath this. And, she said, “Oh, well it is the lay-offs, and the economy, and the increasing productivity that we are expected to produce”. So, I asked her, “Well, what is beneath that?” And after a moment or two of reflection,  “Well, maybe it is that for my entire life, I’ve been trying desperately to prove myself. To prove myself  to my boss, to prove myself to my friends, to prove to the world that I am good enough for their attention. And, the flip side of that, is a fear of, a desperate fear of rejection or abandonment. In other words, the thinking goes that if we can just do enough. If we can just be good enough, quick enough, fast enough, smart enough, slim enough and rich enough, while we are at it, then others will accept us. Then we will be worthy and good enough. Unfortunately, it ends up being a lot more like Sisyphus. Did you around Sisyphus, the I don’t know, Greek, Roman guy had the huge rock that he was endlessly pushing up the hill? He never, ever made it up to the top. And, that was his purgatory. His hell was pushing up that darn rock forever up the hill. It is kind of like that. Trying to prove your worthiness. And, because you are always trying to prove, yes, yes, yes, taking those bites that are more than you can chew. What is the end result? You know. You get run down. Overweight. Under-rested. Guilty and grumpy to boot. And, you end up still not feeling good enough. That is a bummer.
           
So, I was thinking about it, and I thought gosh, what is the opposite of that? And, certainly, it is something to do with feeling already good enough. Just for being. Just for existing. And, perhaps it goes beyond that. To feeling and recognizing that you are in your essence made of the same stuff that every one else is made of. That we are all perfectly, imperfect, fallible human beings. And if that seems like a stretch, because it will in the beginning, what if you just set your intent for it to be really easy to prove yourself. What if all you had to do to prove yourself was walk into a room and turn on your youness. Turn on your sparkle, your bright light. The essence of you being alive. What if you kept the idea that you have to prove yourself, but it just became super-duper easy to prove yourself. I wonder what that would be like.
           
So if you happen to be in this category, if you happen to find yourself running around like a hamster on one of those wheels, endlessly, like Sisyphus pushing that darn rock up a hill, you could sit down and answer some questions for yourself. Questions like: who are you proving this to? Who is the judge? Is there one judge? Or, are there many judges? Could you have a conversation with this judge? Who sets the criteria of your worthiness? Is worthiness something that you are born with or that you earn? Are some people born with it? And, if so well, then it is completely out of their control it is an accident of their birth then isn’t it. So, you can’t really give them credit for it. Nor could you give blame for those who didn’t have that happy accident. What would constitute, once and for all, proving your worth? And, you may find that it goes back, perhaps to somebody like mom, or dad. I have a client who has just started training for her first triathlon which is a fantastic accomplishment for her to be training for this. And, when we went back we found that her father in particular, her parents both of them, but her father in particular, had never supported her efforts athletically. Her brother was always the athletic star, he was typecast as the athletic one and she was the one that shouldn’t even bother. So, for most of her adult life until now, she hasn’t even bothered. Because, they never cared. And, so now as she has decided to ignore or quiet all of that  conditioning all of those opinions that belong to her parents and train for this triathlon, she went and told her parents that she was going to train for a triathlon. That she was in fact training. How did her parents react? With complete and utter disbelief, moving into completely ignoring it and pretending that she had never said anything. Now if I were going to pick a person to prove my worth to, I don’t think I would pick someone like that who really doesn’t care. Who wouldn’t be willing to give me even a chance. There would be no point. I’d want to change the judge.
           
As you answer this questions you may find that, that rock Sisyphus has been pushing up the hill suddenly becomes much smaller. Perhaps it becomes like a pebble, that he can simply skip up the hill, which becomes much more of a gentle slope in the landscape. And you could just gently kick that pebble out of your way as you enjoy the journey. Or, perhaps it is if that wheel in the hamster cage, magically lays down and spreads itself out and becomes a gentle path for you to follow with beautiful scenery along the way. And, as you shift this need to prove yourself, to a desire to take great care of yourself, and enjoy the experience, you may find yourself carving out more time for you. And giving your boss, or your family, or the volunteer organizations that you participate in clear feedback on what you do and don’t want to do. To have the kind of work/life balance. And, perhaps find yourself finding enough time to get wonderful, restful sleep. Mama mia, we are out of time for today. And, I still haven’t gotten to the part where we talk about what happens when you are find about getting into bed, and having enough time for sleep, but you are not getting quality snoozing time when you are in bed. And, that is where we are going on the next episodes of Inside Out Weight Loss. That brings us to the end of our show today. Thank you for being present. Did you know that if you have two or three un-listened to episodes of any podcast, iTunes will automatically unsubscribe you. Well, they do. And, you will have to re-subscribe. And, there is now a reliable way to ensure you get the very latest episode of Inside Out Weight Loss. Get an email notification the minute a new episode is posted, so you can make sure that you get it. Just go to personallifemedia.com/signup and register for free email notifications. This is your host Renée Stephens and I am on a mission to eradicate the weight struggle from the planet. Enabling you to develop and share your abundant soul’s gifts. Join me as we evolve the world, by evolving ourselves. Take good care.