Episode 50: Overcoming a Common Law of Attraction Pitfall

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Learn why your weight loss journey, even your "failures" are contributing to your success now. On this episode, Renee reveals the common question that you have probably asked yourself hundreds of times, that could be getting in the way of attracting your dreams, and, of course, what to ask yourself instead. Finally, learn to find out what stage of weight mastery you are in.

Transcript

Renée Stephens: Welcome to “Inside Out Weight Loss”. I am your host Renée Stephens and together we are accessing and adjusting the control panel of your mind-body system, bringing ease and joy to your weight-loss journey and fullness to the rest of your life. On today’s show overcoming a common pitfall to attracting our dreams and locating yourself within the four stages of weight mastering.

Did you know that each time a smoker tries to quit smoking and fails, that smoker is increasing the odds over succeeding the next time? How can this be, you ask? So we’ve talked about a great question to ask. The question of – “What do I want?” This is a question that can begin the process of dreaming; that can begin the process of attracting to us those wonderful things that we want in our lives, like a fantastic slim-fit and healthy body, for example. Does that mean that you will never eat an extra bite or over-eat, that you are perfect at all times? Absolutely not! Simply being naturally slender, being in a place of weight mastering means that you do self-correct quickly, easily, automatically.

Let’s take a moment to drop inside, to check in and be present. Situate yourself in your weight-loss journey. Situate yourself in your journey of self-acceptance. How far have you already come? What are the lessons that you’ve learned? Whether you are brand new to “Inside Out Weight Loss”, and by the way if you are, Welcome! I’m so glad you’ve joined us. And please consider going back to the prologue and starting from the beginning and working your way all the way up, to today’s episode. Because the concepts offered in this program build off one another. And if you are a seasoned listener, also, Welcome! I’m so glad you are here today. So let’s take a moment and check in with where we are on our journey today. In order to do this, let’s become present with our current experience. Drop inside for a moment and simply notice “you”. Notice that you are alive, that you are breathing, your heart is beating, the blood is circulating throughout your body. There are feelings that you are experiencing. Physical sensations and emotional feelings, as well. Situate yourself in your day. What time of day is it? What’s already happened, and what’s the promise for the rest of the day? You can even take a moment to think of how you would like to enjoy your experience for the remainder of the day and the week. Would you like to experience it from a place of presence, a place of openness, a place of centeredness. And if so, find your center now. Allow yourself to center down, to settle down into your center. The physical center of your body is a place called the horror, which is about two finger wits below your belly button. Just below your belly button is the physical center of your body. Perhaps you would like to bring your awareness to that place. Perhaps you would like to drop down to your horror, to your physical center of your body. Now as an Inside Out Weight Loss listener, I know that for many of us our belly has been a place where we haven’t felt so damn comfortable. But go ahead and let all that go for now, and simply be in the center of your physical body. Enjoy your belly. Be grateful that you have a belly. Because, let’s face it, if you didn’t have a belly, you wouldn’t have a life. So become present with your current experience, whatever that might be. With your emotional experience, wherever you are. And situate yourself on your journey. You may have had what you consider failures on your weight loss journey, or your journey to self and body acceptance. Perhaps you’ve had false starts, frustrations. Did you know that each time a smoker tries to quit smoking and fails, that smoker is increasing the odds over succeeding the next time? How can this be, you ask? Well, because each time that the smoker has tried to quit, they’ve actually learned something more about what doesn’t work. And perhaps about themselves, and increased their probability of succeeding the next time, because the next time they will have more knowledge, they’ll have more wisdom, and they’ll take advantage of what they’ve learned works and they’ll also take advantage of what they’ve learned doesn’t work for them. So similarly, each attempt that you’ve made at weight loss, at weight mastery in the past, increases the probability of your success in this moment. Who knew that all those attempts were actually making it easier this time around for you? I actually spoke with a client this morning, and for her as for most of us, when we start, the more that she tries to control herself, the more out of control her behavior is. That’s right, the more she tries to control, the more out of control she is. Not in the short term, it’s the rebound that gets her. Yea, she is great, she is ultra low calorie, huber {sp} exercise wonder woman, until she can’t take it anymore. And then she swings the other direction and she is wildly out of control, eating everything inside. The more in control, the more out of control. So what’s the solution? What’s the way out? Is it to surrender and be completely out of control at all times? That doesn’t seem very appealing, does it? In fact it’s pretty damn scary. So the solution is to accept that scariest part of ourselves; the part we hate, the part that wants to eat everything and anything, any time and anywhere. How do we accept it? Perhaps we can start by forgiving ourselves; forgiving ourselves for wanting to eat. It’s okay, to want to eat. Really? It’s even okay to want to over eat. Really? It’s natural. Even naturally slender people over-eat. Accept that and forgive yourself. There’s a good reason that we want it. There’s a positive intent to everything that we do. And the positive intent to overeating in your case might be something about wanting you to feel good, wanting you to feel safe, wanting you to relax. So nestle down to that level of intent. Sink down and be present with the intent of the overeating, and from that place, forgive yourself. Because really, it’s okay. And from that place of forgiveness and honoring our intent all sorts of wonderful new options become available, new solutions that we couldn’t even imagine possible, before. Okay! Let’s go ahead and set our intention for this episode. Speaking about intent, go ahead and take a moment, set your intention for today’s episode. And also connect in with all of the other listeners of this show across space and time. Send them your support and feel theirs as it comes back to you magnified, thousands, and tens and hundreds of thousand times over. There’s a magic to community intent. Feel it, connect, ride it’s wave.

I wanted to share with you today what one listener writes in about her belief changes. She writes that she actually had a breakthrough in the last few days before she wrote. She’s been listening for several months now, and she was writing in her Inside Out Weight Loss journal. And this is her entry: “I realize now that Renée is right. I was very skeptical at first. I can lose weight permanently, and I am naturally slender. I can change my lame nine beliefs and my cycle of self-punishment torture related to my body and food. And it isn’t even that hard actually. It’s easy. I just didn’t know certain things before, didn’t have certain tools, didn’t have the right help. But now, thank God, I do”. I want to thank you for writing in and sharing that, because it’s such an important comment, such an important breakthrough, when we let go of our lame nine beliefs. We become aware of them, and we let go. And we realize that, in fact, it is possible. Our dreams are possible for us. We can become naturally slender. In fact, we can re-become naturally slender. Because each of us was born that way. So thanks so much for writing in and sharing that with us.

It’s time to take a break now to support the amazing companies that are our sponsors. This is Renée Stephens and you are listening to Inside Out Weight Loss on Personal Life Media.

BREAK TIME

 

Renée Stephens: We’re back now. The last episode we talked about the magical question that we can ask ourselves when we are feeling miserable, when we are suffering, when we are at our worst. And I actually shared the story of sitting in a workshop, a couple of weeks ago, when I was feeling really bad. Beginning to come down with what seemed to be a stomach bug. And simply by asking myself this question, I was able to recover completely and feel great, within about ten to fifteen minutes of asking it. What was that magical question, do you remember? It’s really very simple. In some way it’s actually very obvious. It can be obvious to us now, but not so obvious when we are in the throes of despair. So, here’s that question: Simply “What do you want?” And you can even expand on it and ask: “What do I want instead of the misery that I’m experiencing now?” Have you experimented with this question, have you played around with it a little bit? I placed a post on the blog at personallifemedia.com/renee where you can share your experiences by posting a comment. So please take a moment and do that, and let us know what your experience has been. Also while you are there at the blog, you can take a moment to click on the listener survey box to the right of the blog post. Where you can tell us who you are. By telling us who you are, you will help us attract great sponsors to the show that make this show possible.

So we’ve talked about a great question to ask – the question of  “What do I want?” This is a question that can begin the process of dreaming; that can begin the process of attracting to us those wonderful things that we want in our lives, like a fantastic slim-fit and healthy body, for example. Now today I’d like to talk with you a little bit about a really bad question to ask, a pit-fall in attracting what we want, in attracting the kind of body that we are really excited about having. What’s a pit-fall? What’s a question that will take us in the opposite direction of where we want to go? And I will give you a hint. This question is really, really common. In fact, it’s often the very first question that we ask ourselves and my guess, is that you’ve asked this question of yourself countless times in the past. But before we go there, let’s take a moment to review the three steps to attracting that we went over a few episodes ago. The three steps to attracting the body of your dreams, the relationship with food of your dreams or anything else for that matter that you want are:

  1. Clear:   Clear your emotional clutter. Clear your mind.

 

  1. Create: Create means dream. It means imagine. It means fantasize about what you want. And all of the details that go with it. Not just the big picture, but eventually, the details of how you’ll think, how you’ll behave, what it will be like to be out in the world, making healthy choices on a regular basis.
  1. Release: Release to the universe, release to your higher power, release to spirit. Release your desire so that support, it’s almost like when we release, it’s a call for support. We let it go. We don’t cling too tightly, but we let it go.

 

So those three steps are: clear, create and release. So if you think about these three steps, where does the magical question that we’ve been talking about come in? The question of: “What do I want” Now if you think about it, “What do I want?, it’s a transition question, at the same time, at once, it invites us to clear the emotional clutter, the bad feeling that we’ve been having in our misery, and at the same time, directing us to create, to dream or imagine about what we want instead. So, it’s kind of like steps 1 and 2 mixed in together, a beautiful transition in just a few words – what do I want? Four words to allow us to both clear and create. So, what’s this big pit-fall question? What’s the wrong question to ask ourselves? Have you been thinking about it?  Something that’s really common we ask ourselves all the time, and that is the expressway to feeling bad? Because I tell you what, in law of attraction terms, the moment that we start to feel bad, we have a negative emotional vibration and we are attracting more negativity into our lives. So this question, this common question is: “Why?” The question is “Why?” The question that we ask ourselves over and over again and leads us down one of those rapid holes. Why do I feel so bad? Why am I like this? Why can’t I do better? Why do I try and try again and again only to fail? Why, Why, Why? Recognize it? Sounds familiar? I mean let’s take a moment and answer that question. Why am I such a disaster? Now there’s a great question to answer to feel really lousy really fast. Why do I have this problem? Okay, what’s the possible answer for that? Why do I have this problem? Let’s see. The things that come to my mind, and certainly did when I was in depression were: Because I’m flawed. Because there’s something terribly wrong with me, because my mother yelled at me when I was five years old because my father was a workaholic ……..lots and lots of reasons. And how are you feeling as we’re going through that? Pretty lousy I bet. Now I like to get you feeling good. Inside Out Weight Loss is all about feeling good. So, let’s just let go of all of that. Let’s let go of the question: “Why?” It’s a really useful question for inquisitive minds, in other areas, in scientific explorations, if we come to it with a spirit of understanding the way that things work, it’s great. But notice your emotional reaction when you ask yourself these “Why?” questions about your behavior. If it’s positive, then great! But most often, more often than not, that question is an expressway to feeling bad. What’s the antidote? What’s a better question that we can ask? How about the one that we just reviewed? What do I want instead? We can ask another corollary question. What would it be like if I had what I want? How wonderful would it be if I had what I want? Do I like every aspect of what I want? How could I make what I want even better? These are great questions to ask. So next time you find yourself asking the question why, pause for a moment and ask yourself: What do I want instead? What would be even better? What would be completely amazing? And I want give you some tips on that as well. Because one of the things that I’ve noticed is that we often are so used to feeling bad and beating up on ourselves that we forget to dream. We forget to allow ourselves to want something really exceptionally amazing. Like for example, being naturally slender. So play around with that, and post a comment to the blog to let me know what you discover.

Finally today, I’d like to share with you what I promised last episode. I promised to share with you the four stages of weight mastery. What do I mean by weight mastery? I mean being naturally slender. Being in that place where it’s easy and natural and the most normal thing in the world for you to eat and prefer to eat the right amount of healthy food for your body and take exquisite care of yourself. That to me is weight mastery. Weight mastery involves self-correcting regularly and frequently. So, I’m not saying that weight mastery means that you’re always perfect, quite the contrary. Weight mastery simply means that you self-correct very quickly, easily and almost automatically. Does that mean that you never eat another bite or over-eat, that you’re perfect at all times? Absolutely not! Simply being naturally slender, being in a place of weight-mastery means that you do self-correct quickly, easily, automatically. So what are the stages before that? The first stage is called the mayhem stage. This is the stage where you are feeling completely out of control, and your motivation to eat healthy is none or entirely external. So what do I mean by this “entirely external”? What I mean is that, if you are motivated at all, it might be because you have a big event coming up, and you want to lose 5 or 10 or 50 pounds fast, and say it’s a wedding you want to look good for the wedding. Or a class reunion, or a prom or some important event, and you want to lose weight for that event. So you have this external motivation. The only problem is what happens the day after the event, and the week after, and the month after? And we tell ourselves all kinds of stories – Oh by then I’ll have new habits, but how often does that work? So, in this stage, the mayhem stage, the motivation is either none or completely entirely external. The next stage of weight mastery is regulated. It means that our impulses, our desires are regulated by external motivations, for example, being held accountable by a weight loss program, or having a deadline, having a big event, but also we have some internal motivation. We have tapped into at some level our inner desire to be healthy and fed. May be it’s a health crisis prompted by a visit to a doctor, may be it’s your jeans is not buttoning and having to buy new clothes, whatever it is. We have a combination of primarily external motivations but also some internal motivations regulated. Frequently in this stage, we seek to follow rules – we want to set rules for ourselves – no eating after 7pm, or always eat a protein and fruit combined, all those funky fruit combining rules that are popular. So there are often a lot of rules associated with regulated phase. Rules by the way are not necessarily good or bad. Rules I think can be very helpful. Just that in phase two of the weight mastery, our rules are primarily externally motivated. In phase three, that’s the managing phase, where we are managing our eating. Our motivation is to become primarily internal with some external motivation. There may be someone that we are being held accountable to. But primarily the motivation is now rising up within us. We feel a strong desire to treat ourselves really well, to take great care of ourselves. We have a new found respect for ourselves. So this is a managed place. And finally, Phase Four of weight mastery is where we have internal motivation primarily. We are mainly internally motivated; we are naturally slender. This is that place where it’s not that we never overeat but we do self-correct quickly and easily within 24 hours, and typically, in less than 24 hours, we self-correct. So, those are the four stages of weight-mastery. Perhaps you can identify where you are now, and put your sides on moving to the next level. We will be talking about this more in future episodes of Inside Out Weight Loss. But that brings us to the end of our show today. Thank you for being present. On the next episode of Inside Out Weight Loss, I’ll address another question, another common pitfall to attracting the body and the life of our dreams and of course how to overcome it. One more, consider purchasing the guided journeys available for sale on my site mindforbody.com - m-i-n-d-f-o-r-b-o-d-y.com because that creates a powerful foundation of inner alignment. And of course, check out the blog at personallifemedia.com/renee. You will see lots of great links, you will see an opportunity to purchase Inside Out Weight Loss logo gear such as an inside out weight loss journal. And finally you will get many, many times more out of this journey where you put it, but you must put in to get out. Consider joining the Yahoo Group of Inside Out Weight Loss. You will find the link at the blog.

This is your host Renée Stephens and I am on a mission to eradicate the weak struggle from the planet enabling you to share your soul’s guess.

Join me as we evolve the world by evolving ourselves.  Take good care.