Episode 4: Concrete Structures for Intake Sessions with Bryan Bayer, Destination Method® Coach and Corporate Accountability Consultant

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Jason Interviews Bryan Bayer, the co-founder of the Authentic Man Program on the concepts of the back seat driver, sharing truth rather than your interpretations, as well as a solid structure for intake sessions. Learn how to conduct a solid intake session with your prospects to increase your results and your close ratio. In doing so, you will provide valuable insights in your intake session with them whether they sign an agreement or not. Bryan has a success rate of over 80% with his prospective clients in moving them to getting the coaching on the major areas of life they need to consider: health, finances, relationships, career, and more. Learn how the back seat driver of the unconscious mind can be brought into the fold. Learn how to communicate in a way that fosters flourishing relationships by separating your interpretations from your personal truth or feelings about the events. Even more, learn how to create an intake session that moves your clients from desire to commitment.

Transcript

Concrete Structures for Intake Sessions with Bryan Bayer, Destination Method® Coach and Corporate Accountability Consultant

Announcer:  This program is brought to you by personallifemedia.com.

[Music]

Jason McClain:  Welcome to Coaching the Life Coach.  I'm your host Jason MacLean.  Today on the show we will be talking about accountability of the back seat driver, as well as giving you a concrete structure for intake sessions as a strategy to grow your transformational practice.

Our guest is Bryan Bayer, founder of The Authentic Man program.

Welcome Brian.

Bryan Bayer:  Hi Jason.  Thanks for having me.

Jason McClain:  Bryan is known for his dynamism, his versatility and his skills in helping people move past where ever they are stopped or blocked.

Bryan Bayer:  If you are unconsciously being run by your backseat driver, you're not really even showing up for the game.  You're not even there, engaged fully in your life.  And you're not aware of what's going on.

The backseat driver is not some part of you that you need to cut out or attack or destroy.  This part of you probably kept you alive, back when you were a kid.  It helped you get through maybe a challenging time in your life.  It helped keep you safe.

Until you become aware of that backseat driver there is no choice.  So what that makes possible is greater choice and freedom for the individual.

Jason McClain: I’m pleased to have you with us today.  I think our listeners will really benefit from hearing about this concept about the backseat driver.  As well as having this concrete structure for an intake session.

We will of course also be speaking about sharing truth versus interpretations or judgments.

So, first Bryan, I want to talk to you about accountability, and the backseat driver.  What do you mean to by accountability and the backseat driver?

Bryan Bayer:  Well, when we are talking about accountability it's a pretty standard practice inside of the coaching world.  It's about what you're going to do?  By when are you going to do it?  And it's getting clear on specific, measurable results, after which the client is going.

What I found in my coaching practice is that when people come back after making a commitment, when people come back and they haven't completed what they said they were going to do and what they committed to doing, it's obviously not an opportunity to make them wrong or shame them about it.  But it is important to get under what exactly it is that's going on, that had them not follow through with what they said was really important to them.

Jason McClain:  And this is what you mean by the backseat driver.

Bryan Bayer:  Yes.  Whenever people say they want to do something, and I check in with them first of all, if they didn't do it and I will say, “Great, so were you still committed to doing that?”  Either they will say, “No, I actually realized that wasn't important to me,”

But more of the time, they will say, “Yes, I still want to do it.  I didn't do it.  I'm not sure why.  I just got busy.”  They will come up with some reason, which often is rarely what it is that actually had them not do it.

What I have found is that what I call the backseat driver is what is at work.  If you can imagine an analogy - whenever you are in a coaching situation or you’re starting down a new path it's like you are on a road trip.  You're driving down the highway and most of the time you are in the driver's seat. 

But as soon as you start to move outside your comfort zone, perhaps you are thinking about taking on a new job or you are thinking about growing your practice or growing your business or what ever that is.  Or maybe it's even going up and talking to a woman out on the street.  But in that moment, a lot of times, if you are moving outside your comfort zone you can imagine that there is someone in the backseat that reaches over your shoulder and grabs the steering wheel and pulls you over to the side of the road or steps on the brakes or otherwise diverse you from what it is for which you have set a goal to do.

Jason McClain:  Got you.  So it's not just a backseat driver, but also a quite aggressive one.  [Laughs]

Bryan Bayer:  Yeah, it can be very aggressive at times, or even more often it can be pretty subversive.  It can whisper reasons in your ear for slowing down.  It can whisper it little things like, “Oh, you don't really need to talk to them.  You actually need to clean out your desk today, instead of making that important phone call.”

Jason McClain:  [Laughs] Right!  And so Bryan why is accountability and this concept of the backseat driver, and I'm assuming increasing your awareness of the backseat driver so important for our listeners to be aware of?

Bryan Bayer:  Because basically if you don't have an eye on that backseat driver it's going to run your life.  It's really going to run your life.  What you can do is trace it down to stuff that happens in the unconscious mind.  So by its very nature it is stuff of which you are not always consciously aware.

So cultivating awareness - basically you have to start cultivating that person who is in the shotgun seat of the car, who is watching whether the backseat driver is driving the car or whether you, what you might call your highest self, is driving the car.  When you start cultivating awareness of that observer position, you can then more quickly catch whenever that backseat driver is at work.

The best way to do that though is to notice what activities in which you are engaging.

Jason McClain:  Let me just ask, and it sounds as if you're about to answer my question, I'm curious how specifically you assist somebody in not only developing this awareness but then also I'm assuming either partnering or overpowering - I'm not sure how you represent it - this backseat driver.

Bryan Bayer:  Yeah.  Well, there are a couple of things.  Number one, the backseat driver is not some part of you that you need to cut out or attack or destroy.  This part of you probably kept you alive, back when you were a kid.  It helped you get through maybe a challenging time in your life.  It helped keep you safe.

The trick is that it is no longer serving you in that way.  So, while you may notice it without attacking it or beating yourself up about it, you want to bring awareness of the cues or the triggers.

So in answer to your question, there is a specific methodology, is a specific inquiry in which I engage my clients in order to uncover when the backseat driver is at work.

Jason McClain:  Fantastic.  What is that inquiry?  What is that series of questions?

Bryan Bayer:  Well, first of all, I have them notice what it is they are doing.  I ask them what they are doing or how they are feeling.  In fact, very specifically, it's the questions of how versus why.

We invite them to ask ‘how’ or ‘what’ questions instead of ‘why’ questions, because if you ask a ‘why’ question, which is the normal tendency - why do I keep doing this instead of making those phone calls I need to make –

Jason McClain: For which there is of course no good or tangible answer.

Bryan Bayer:  Right, exactly.  It could be because my mom beat me as a kid or it could be because I am tired.  Or it could be because Mercury is in retrograde.  There could be any of a number of reasons why something is the way it is.

But ‘how’ is actually a much more useful question to ask because it elicits what's actually going on in your experience.  It's an observational question.  I can observe.  What I am asking myself that question, it is strengthening that observer position, which can then catch that backseat driver in the act and bring me back on track.

Jason McClain:  Fantastic.  Very clear Brian.  Thank you.  So I am curious, once somebody develops this kind of awareness about the backseat driver and builds a deeper relationship with that part of them and then allows them to maintain their accountability more rigorously or more in alignment with their commitments, what does that make possible in someone's life?  What does that open up or allow for?

Bryan Bayer:  Well, at the moment of awareness, whenever someone is aware, “Wow, I'm about to check my e-mail for the seventh time this hour and I am actually putting off making that come phone call.” Or, “Wow I've been watching TV for the past hour and I was supposed to be going out and doing something that has been feeling a little risky to me lately.”

In that moment of awareness, there is a point of choice.  Until you become aware of that backseat driver, there is no choice.  So what that makes possible is greater choice and freedom for the individual.

Jason McClain:  And what does that open up and allow for?  So our listeners can get a really tangible sense of what it allows for in their relationships, what it allows for in business for them, what it allows for in their own lives with their own goals.

Bryan Bayer:  Well, specifically, it's the difference between sleepwalking your life away and actually being present to experience your life.

Jason McClain:  Very nice.  Can you say more about that?

Bryan Bayer:  Sure.  If you are unconsciously being run by your backseat driver, you're not really even showing up for the game.  You're not even there, engaged fully in your life.  And you're not aware of what's going on.

Therefore, you miss out on the joys and the benefits and the fruits of even being alive.  It's kind of like; in some ways you are almost dead because a portion of your awareness is tuned out.  So, what it makes available is more joy and happiness because you're doing what you're most inspired to do and you are actually connected to that deeper sense of self that was inspired to do those things in the first place.

I think it's the root.  Ultimately, if you're not aware of being fulfilled there is no way to ever actually feel fulfilled.

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Jason McClain:  Thank you Bryan.  Thank you very much.  We are going to take a short break to support our sponsors.  I'm your host Jason McClain, your guide in the 21st century marketplace.  I'm here with Bryan Bayer.  We will be right back.

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Jason McClain:  We are back.  I'm your host Jason McClain.  We are talking to Bryan Bayer.  Before the break we were talking to Bryan Bayer about accountability and the backseat driver.

Now Bryan, I would like to ask you if you questions about this idea of sharing your truth versus interpretations or judgments.  Tell me what you mean by that - sharing truth versus interpretations or judgments.

Bryan Bayer:  Well, as a coach a lot of times people come to me and they say, “I need to have this conversation, but I'm not sure how to have it.”
I know they can sense that if they were to just go for it with what their immediate experience is, the conversation wouldn't turn out so great.

Jason McClain:  Just one point of clarification - when you say ‘talk about something’ do you mean with someone else in your life or with you?

Bryan Bayer:  Yeah.

Jason McClain:  Can you say more about that?

Bryan Bayer:  Usually when there is upset involved, when one of my clients is upset with another person in their life and they are not sure how to bring that up, it is a communication challenge.  That is the situation to which I am referring.

Jason McClain:  OK, great.  And so, again, what is sharing your truth versus interpretations or judgments?  Talk about that difference for me.

Bryan Bayer:  Great.  Well, I will give you an example.  I live with housemates, and one housemate had a friend who was staying with us for a while.  This person was driving me absolutely crazy.  My first response to them was anytime they were around, “You are a freaking idiot!”  It was a judgment.

Then, when I realized I had a problem with them, but it was actually my problem, my first step was really to take responsibility for that.  It was my experience.  Other people didn't have that positive an experience of him either.  So I wanted to bring it up because how he was relating with me wasn't working for me.

Jason McClain:  So it sounds as if you actually wanted to give him some feedback.  Is that accurate?

Bryan Bayer:  Yeah, I did.  I wanted to open up a conversation with him.  But I knew that if I opened it up with, “You’re really annoying” or “ You're really annoying to me” even, it wouldn't necessarily be that valuable.

Jason McClain:  I see.  So how did you move from judging him to sharing your truth responsibly?

Bryan Bayer:  Well, one thing I want to point out is whenever I say this to my clients, I'm like, “Well, what is your truth?”  And they will say, “my truth is that he is an idiot.”

Jason McClain:  [Laughs]

Bryan Bayer:  “That’s what's true for me.  I'm not holding back.  I'm telling the truth.”  But that's their interpretation.  That's their judgment.  I'm using a hand gesture right now, bringing my hands closer to my body right now, as an indicator of what your own personal truth is.  What is actually true for you in your experience in terms of how you feel when you are around this person and what your direct experience is versus your interpretation?

The closer you get to owning your own direct experience, the more palatable it is for that other person to hear.  So I'm going to go through the levels of that range.

First of all, at the top end being judgment, it might be, “You're an idiot.”  Interpretation might move back into, “Well, you are annoying to me.”

As I get closer to my direct experience, it actually feels a little more vulnerable, I notice as I consider, well, what is really true for me is, “I want to go away when I am around you.  I don't want to be around you.”  This is a little more true to my experience.

But what has me not wanting to be around that person?  Well, I feel trapped.  Whenever this person keeps talking and they don't actually check in, I feel like they are talking at me rather then to me.

Jason McClain:  I see.  So we are getting deeper and deeper into the persons experience, which seems to be more and more emotional as you go in.  Is that accurate?

Bryan Bayer:  Yeah, absolutely.  I am taking responsibility for my emotional experience and sharing my experience of that.  The best format that I have found for that; a really simple way to distill it is, when you're taking responsibility for your experiences – “When you ____, I feel or experience _____.”

That little sentence stem structure actually really helps it.  So in this case, I would say, “When you talk to me and you're not making eye contact with me and you don't really hear the questions I'm asking you, I feel trapped and I feel uncomfortable.”

Jason McClain:  So it sounds as if you not only get to give them feedback and if they want to improve the relationship or the rapport that will be useful to them, especially if they hear it consistently, but you're also just being honest about your own experience.

Bryan Bayer:  Yeah, absolutely.  I am really acknowledging my own experience.  What I have found is that makes a far greater impact on the ability for us to have more intimacy or closeness together as opposed to creating a rift or creating separation.

Jason McClain:  I can imagine it also makes it easier for the other person to hear the feedback and receive it.  Not that the intention, of course is to alter their behavior, but that is certainly a wonderful byproduct of it I can imagine.

Bryan Bayer:  Absolutely.  I'd like to give one more example of how I use this.  For example, I was at home over Christmas.  My mom and dad were driving.  They always have me mediate their disagreements.

Jason McClain:  [Laughs]

Bryan Bayer:  And so my dad is like, “All right, Brian, I've got one for you.  So, we are driving and your mom thinks that I turn off the high beams too long after a car has pulled around the bend in front of me.”

And my mom pipes in, “Yeah, honey you are blinding them.  You really should be more considerate.”

So what we have is my mom's judgment.  “You should be more considerate.”

Jason McClain:  So essentially, he is inconsiderate.

Bryan Bayer:  Yeah, she's saying, “You are being inconsiderate.”  She's telling him how he is being, rather than owning her experience.

Now, I said OK, so that may be.  Maybe that might actually be blinding them.  It may or may not.  We can't really know for sure, unless we interview the people in oncoming cars.  However, what was clear was that there was upset and friction.

So what I did was ask my mom, “Great.  So I got that you think that he is being inconsiderate.  That's your judgment and your interpretation of the situation, but that how does that feel whenever he does that?”  She thought for a moment and said, “Well, when you don't turn off your high beams quickly, I feel anxious.”

You could have seen the shift in my dad.  His head just kind of popped back and he was like, “Whoa.  I had no idea that had you feel anxious.”

Jason McClain: And of course no one wants their wife to feel anxious.

Bryan Bayer:  Right.

Jason McClain:  And no one wants to be judged as inconsiderate either.

Bryan Bayer:  That’s true.  But he couldn't even hear, he had completely dismissed her complaint whenever she was talking about him being inconsiderate.

Because the fact of the matter is, judgments and interpretations are open to question.  He might be like, “No, I'm not being inconsiderate.  They can see me.”  So they are open to judgment. 

They are open to debate.  But your direct experience is not open to debate.  Nobody is going to say, “I didn't feel anxious.”  He's not going to be like, “You didn't feel anxious.”  Right?

Jason McClain:  [laughs] Right.  “I'm feeling anxious.”  “No you're not.” [Laughs]

Bryan Bayer:  Right.  Right.  Exactly.  It's just one of those things, that is not debatable, because it is the raw, direct experience of that person.  When somebody shares that vulnerably, it has a profound impact on the person receiving that communication.

Jason McClain:  Perfect.  Thank you Bryan.  That's very clear.  So the final question I have, of course, which I always ask, is, for what does it allow?  What does it open up? 

What does it make possible in people's lives if they move from judging people and they get closer and closer and closer and into themselves and sharing their truth about their experience?

Bryan Bayer:  Well, what I have seen, like in that example, is a shift in the way that my mom and my dad relate.  I then went to my mom and I said, “Mom, can you see how you were trying to control his experience with your judgments and interpretations rather than just sharing your raw, direct experience?”

She said, “Yeah, I can see that.”

I asked my dad, I said, “So does hearing that it makes her anxious whenever you do that have an impact on you?”  He said, “Well, yeah.  I don't want her to feel anxious.”  I said, “Well, does that inspire you to change how you're operating?”  He said, “Yeah, you know, I'll try and turn off the high beams sooner next time.”

What that made possible in that moment for my parents was more connection and more intimacy.  She felt cared for, and her experience was taken into consideration.  He felt not judged and free to do what he wants to do and choose to honor her rather than feeling coerced.  So more intimacy is definitely available through that.

Jason McClain:  What a fantastic lead-in - increase the quality of your relationships and get what you want.  Thanks Bryan.

We are going to take another short break to support our sponsors.  This is Jason MacLean, and I am here with Bryan Bayer.  And we will be right back

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Jason McClain:  We’re back.  I'm Jason McClain, here speaking with Bryan Bayer.

Before the break we were talking about sharing your truth versus your interpretations or judgments.  Before we get into the next question Brian, I just want to let our listeners know that they can reach me about this or any of the other episodes that we do at the following e-mail address – [email protected].

So, Bryan I'm curious, you have an incredible success rate as a coach.  One of the things I'm committed to people getting is some nuts and bolts so they can grow their transformational practice if they are a coach and have a coaching practice. 

So what I am curious about, when I asked you about this, you said, “Well my intake sessions, my intake sessions are incredibly effective, in terms of my ratio of signing clients.”  So I'd like you to give us some really tangible, concrete steps or steps in your process for your intake sessions.  So what are your intake sessions about?  How do structure those?

Bryan Bayer:  Well, after we have handled some logistics - do they want water?  Do they need to go to the bathroom, that kind of stuff? - basically what I do is represence.  I say this is a complementary intake session, and inside of that what I am going to do is ask you a series of questions helping to uncover what it is that you want.

Most people find this to be valuable, even if this is the only thing that we do.

Jason McClain:  So even just assessing them and getting greater clarity around what it is that they want I can imagine would be of tremendous value.

Bryan Bayer:  Absolutely.  I would say that getting really clear about what they want is about half of it.  A lot of times people come in wanting clarity.  Either way, at the end of this session, I tell them you will be clear exactly on where you're at, where you're headed and what might be in the way of you reaching that goal or that series of goals.

Jason McClain:  Fantastic.  So the first step is just really getting clarity around the outcomes?

Bryan Bayer:  Right.  At this point, I ask, “Do you have any questions for me before we begin?”  Then I answer any of those.  Then I say, “All right, we're going to get started.”

Now how I invite you to answer these questions as if there were no constraints or limitations about them.  For example, if they came in wanting business coaching, I'm going to say, “Well I might ask you about areas other than your business, because the way I see it, how you are in one area of your life is how you are in other areas of your life.”

How you are in your business is how you are in your relationships or how you are with your workout program, etcetera etcetera.  That opens a door and creates a context in which I am going to be asking them about things about what they might not normally be expecting questions.  I do believe that that helps flesh out a holistic picture of this particular individual and the challenges that they are facing.

Jason McClain:  Fantastic.  And then what do you do next?

Bryan Bayer:  Well, I basically say, “So, for example in the area of business, if you could have anything you wanted, what would it be?  Is there anything that you want that you don't have in this arena?” 

I'll ask them.  They will answer the question and then I will ask them, “Is there anything else? Is there anything else?” until they say, “No, if I had that, that would be great in that arena.”

I do that for each of the major dimensions of coaching - career, health and well-being, finance, social life, intimate relationship or partners, family, their spiritual life and then finally their relationship with themselves.

Jason McClain:  Great.  What do you do next after you distinguish all that out for them?

Bryan Bayer:  Basically that takes up most of the session.  I allow up to an hour and 15 minutes for my intake sessions because I really want to get a feel for them and see if I want to be working with them.

So, I'm asking them about each of those dimensions.  What do they want if they could have anything that they wanted?  Then I ask them, for each of those dimensions, “What is in the way of you having that?  What do you think is stopping you from having that?”

I will see certain themes arise. Certain recurring patterns will arise.  In that moment, by the end of it I have a big holistic picture of what they are really wanting and what might be in the way. 

So at that point, I pause them and say, “That's great for now.  I'm going to just take a moment and assimilate all of this.  Can I just take a moment and take a look at it all and look for the patterns?”

Then I invite them to close their eyes.  I ask them, “Could you close your eyes for a moment?”  If they have any resistance to that, I just check in with them about it.  But I've rarely had any one have any concerns about that. 

Then I project them into the future, what you might call NLP Future Pacing.  I have them imagine six months in the future.  So I'll say, “OK, imagine your self six months into the future.  That would put you in June of 2007.  From this place in your life, you can see now that things are very different than how they were even six months ago. 

For one, in your career you are really on track to achieving the goals that you set forth including getting a promotion and resolving the challenges around the friction between you and your boss. You feel really connected with all of your coworkers.  You have also reached out and established other connections with other people in your department.

In the realm of relationships, you've really cleared away those obstacles that are holding you back from really be able to bring yourself fully to your interactions with the people that you are dating.  You feel calm and relaxed and centered in your body.  That has made a big difference for you here and now in June of 2007.

Jason McClain:  So you just go through that in all those domains of coaching.  One of the things that I know you mentioned is that you have an 80 % or 85% success rate or close ratio for those who are more sales minded.

So you attribute this to that.  But what else do you do in terms of moving them towards, beginning a coaching relationship with you?

Bryan Bayer:  Right.  So, I take them through that.  Basically they are really projecting themselves into the future.  What happens is at the end of that I have fed back to them everything that they said they wanted.  At the end of it, I say, “So, if you had all of this, is there anything else you would want?”

If they want anything else I incorporate that into the vision of them.  Then eventually they will say, “No, if I had that that would just be awesome.”  Then when I have them open their eyes, a lot of times they are like saucers.  They are so excited and lit up by that vision.

Jason McClain: So pretty much the next step is just for them to want to sign a contract, I imagine.

Bryan Bayer:  Well, yeah.  Like you mentioned, between 80 and 90% of people who do an intake session with me end up doing coaching with me.  I think it's really because they've been heard so fully about this that they are able to really get that this might be possible for them.

Jason McClain:  It sounds to me like in that moment their beliefs about themselves and their lives in general begin to expand, which again even if they didn't sign would be of tremendous value to them.

Bryan Bayer:  Absolutely.  A lot of people didn't even realize that they wanted half the stuff that they said until they actually said it.  It definitely is expanding their perception about what might be possible for them in addition to getting more clarity about what they want. 

At that point they are waiting for me.  One of the things that I will say that I didn't mention initially is, when I first have them come in I say, “I'm going to first have you answer a series of questions. After that, if what you want matches up with what I feel I can offer as a coach, we will go into the logistics about how much I charge, how often we would meet, and how long our sessions will be.”

So I set that up before I even start asking them the questions.  That's very important because they are going to be holding back if there are wondering, “OK, great, well how much is this going to be?  He hasn't brought up price.  I don't even know if he's going to talk about it.”

But it's something that is on people's minds, “Can I afford coaching?”  So if I say, “Look, if what you want matches up with what I have to offer then, and at that point I will go into that.”

Jason McClain:  Then of course, it satisfies their expectation that there will be a business conversation at the end of the session.

Bryan Bayer:  Yeah, absolutely.

Jason McClain:  Which is really just being responsible with them and for them.

Bryan Bayer:  Yeah, I really just setting it up so that they can relax and know that we are going to get to that at the end and that I am not hiding anything or dodging anything.  We are going to do ‘A’ and then we will talk about ‘B’, including the price.

Jason McClain:  And Bryan, just to ask you one more question of clarification, why do you have them go six months out into the future?  Can you speak a little bit to that?

Bryan Bayer:  Yeah, absolutely.  That does a couple of things.  The main thing is that that is a period of time that I have found to be a good chunk for major life shifts, which is what a lot of people come to me for.  That's how I typically structure my practice.  I work with people in six-month cycles.

If I think we could get those results for them in a shorter period of time, I am OK with that.  I tell them as much.  For most people, when we go through each of these eight dimensions, they have enough for at least six months of work.

What I tell them if I really believe this, and usually I do.  In my background of training I have tools that help people get rapid changes so I can tell them, whenever they come out of closing their eyes, whenever they open their eyes, I tell them, “The reason I projected six months into the future is because I work with clients in six-month cycles.  I really see this as available for you.

A lot of times they are like, “Really, you do?”  They feel like, “Wow, if I could get that in a year I'd be thrilled.”

Jason McClain:  Actually maybe people think that if they got it in five years they might be thrilled.

Bryan Bayer:  Absolutely.  So when they hear that it might be only six months away, again, it cracks open their beliefs about what might be possible for them.

I say, “Yeah.  I do see this as available for you.  The reason I said that is because I work in six-month cycles.  So I'm going to have a conversation with you about how I work, how much I charge that kind of stuff.”

Then I engage in the logistics of it.  I charge this much an hour, I typically meet with clients X times per month, etc. etc.  So then I go into the logistics.  But I have set up – OK, now we are going to have that conversation about pricing.

Jason McClain:  Well Bryan, we are almost out of time.  I would just like to ask you one more question.  That is, share with us, for our listeners some of the tremendous results you've seen with people in these six-month cycles - maybe one or two incredible stories of rapid and dramatic transformation in people's lives.

Bryan Bayer:  Well, let's just start with that - sharing your experience as opposed to your interpretations and judgments.  I had a guy who was having problems at work, and with his girlfriend.  His last girlfriend had broken up with him because she experienced him as abrasive, and basically this guy was a jerk.  That would be my judgment of how other people would experience him.

He didn't know what he was doing.  But he knew he was not creating the kinds of connections that he wanted either at work or in his intimate relationships. 

I worked with him and within a month his superiors had come up to him and said, “I don't know what you have been doing.  But we experienced an extreme shift in how you have been.  We are actually interested in talking to you about a higher-level management position.”

Jason McClain:  Was that opportunity available to him before that shift?

Bryan Bayer:  Absolutely not.  Before this distinction about having him get in touch with what his truth was, he was on track to just alienating more people, in fact.

Jason McClain:  And perhaps even being laid off.

Bryan Bayer:  Possibly.  And of the friction with his girlfriend - now she sends him love letters and she writes little text messages all day about how much she appreciates his ability to really support her.  He's really learned how to really support her and the people at work in a whole new way as a result of some of the work that we have been doing.

Jason McClain:  Wonderful.  That's very clear and very inspiring.  Thank you, Bryan.
Thank you for joining us and sharing your wisdom and insight with us.

Bryan Bayer:  Thanks Jason.  It's been great being here.

Jason McClain:  How can people reach you?  Obviously you do coaching one-on-one in person, for what you have said.  Do you also do phone coaching?

Bryan Bayer:  Yeah, I also do phone coaching.

Jason McClain:  And where are you geographically and how can people reach you?

Bryan Bayer:  I'm in the city of San Francisco.  You can reach me at my e-mail, which is [email protected].

Jason McClain:  Do you have any events?  Do you have a newsletter that people can sign up for?  Do you have anything coming up of which people should be aware?

Bryan Bayer:  Yes, well, I do have a company that's called AuthenticSF if you want to go to our website we do have events.  We also have a newsletter that goes out periodically that is all focused around fostering flourishing, amazing relationships and communication and connection.

Jason McClain:  Wonderful.  Well thank you again for being here.  For our listeners, please join us next week on Coaching the Life Coach - Strategies to Grow Your Transformational Practice when we will be talking to Craig Eubanks of HypnosisMarketingTips.com.

We will be covering some concrete tips for you around marketing.  That's brings us to the end of our show.  Thank you for listening.

For text and transcripts of this show, and other shows on the Personal Life Media Network, please visit our website at www.personallifemedia.com.  This is your host, Jason MacLean, your guide in the 21st century marketplace.

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