Episode 100: Orgasmic Abundance (Part Two) with Sheri Winston

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Listen in as Dr. Patti continues her conversation with Sheri Winston, counselor, sex educator, and extraordinary conveyor of information all things orgasmic. We complete our conversation of enjoying female genitals, and go on to talk about the male genital pleasure system. Learn about a man's precious package... including his nerve-rich and sensitive buried cock, and how to get it engorged. Next, find out about a man's prostate. Is it erectile tissue too? How does it like to be stroked? We move on to ways to intensify orgasmic delights for both men and women. Sheri demonstrates ways to use breath and sound to enhance and extend orgasmic pleasure. Thoughtful discussions ensue! Another amazing show with Sheri!

Transcript

Dr. Patti Taylor: Welcome to the Expanded Lovemaking show. I’m your host Dr. Patti Taylor of expandedlovemaking.com, and I teach you how to make exquisite love. This is part two of two-part series. Today we’re talking about orgasmic abundance. We are really just continuing on from part one. We have been talking about females, their genital anatomy, secret maps to how to find out what really turns a woman on, erectile tissue, genital pleasure, and basically we’re going today to transition after we complete our conversation on female maps, hidden pleasure and a little bit about the men, we’re going to go into orgasmic abundance because people love novelty. And lets find out what we can do once we understand how our genital wiring works. So hopefully you’ve been with us for part one and lets just dive back in. So let me just tell you a little bit about our guest for today, Sheri Winston. But first I want to say hi to Sheri Winston. Hi Sheri.

Sheri Winston: Hi Patti. It’s such a pleasure talking to you.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Yeah, it’s great to have you. Sheri’s the founder of The Center for Intimate Arts. She’s got an extensive background in nursing and healing arts and massage. She does over 45 classes. She’s a genius. She’s developed an entire map of genital anatomy, it’s groundbreaking. She’s the author of an upcoming book that talks about all of this. We’ll reference it in the show. And lets just continue on. We have talked about all of the erectile tissue in a woman’s genital area, and we just want to kind of really quickly finish up with the one thing we haven’t talked about. What is that?

Sheri Winston: Well there’s probably a few things we haven’t talked about, but one important one I would like to get in is about the uterus. In our country we have an epidemic of hysterectomy, that’s removal of the uterus. We’ve got a rate that’s ten to fifty times higher than any other industrialized country in the world. And the attitude and the information that’s given to women about this is it’s no big deal if you’re done having babies to have your uterus taken out, and women are told that it will not affect their sexuality, and that is just not true. The uterus is a player in the female sexual response and the uterus actually moves and during arousal gets pulled up and forward, and that opens up the back of the vagina, which is where those nerve pathways enter, those really good spots that we mentioned briefly before, that’s the major place those nerve pathways enter the vagina. So it opens that up so that they can be accessed by a nice pounding penis or other object of your choice at high level arousal and that feels good. But not only is the uterine movement important to make that space and to access that pleasure, but during orgasm the uterus actually moves up and down, and it is one of the things that can improve fertility. And the reason that the uterus does that is going to help; should there be a big juicy puddle of semen floating around there, that movement of the uterus, the female orgasm, it’s going to help with the uptake of sperm. Now just to be clear, you can get pregnant without having an orgasm, we all know that. But if you want to maximize your fertility, well timed powerful orgasms will do that, and if a doctor ever tells you to get your uterus out and tells you it won’t affect your sexuality, women should know that that’s not true.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Okay, well thank you for that. I also want to say that just being orgasmic does great for your core conditioning and all of your muscle tone. I started, you know, I got a personal trainer not too long ago and she said, you know, do this exercise and I did it, and she said, “Oh my god, you shouldn’t be able to do that.” She said, “How did you do that? I can barely do that”, you know, blah, blah, blah, and I went, “Well I don’t know”, you know, and I said, “I guess it’s because I cum five times a week at a minimum”, and, you know, she says, “Your core is like a rock. It’s like a mountain.”

Sheri Winston: Well you know the thing about sex that’s so funny, if there was anything else that had all of the health benefits that arousaled orgasm has, doctors would be telling you to do it everyday, ‘cause its got the benefits of exercise, aerobic exercise, its got the benefit of bathing you with endorphins so it’s an antidepressant, it has meditation benefits, you know. So all of these other things we’re being told we should do ‘cause it’s healthy, no one is saying, “And have lots of sex and lots of orgasms. It’s good. It’s really good.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Right. Not to say that when you go into the bathroom that you sound like a fire hose and you go out three seconds later and everyone else looks at you going, “What the heck just happened in there”, right? But anyway, speaking of that, why don’t we talk about the men, right, ‘cause the, you know… Why don’t we just transition on that interesting note?

Sheri Winston: Well…

Dr. Patti Taylor: Don’t figure, I’m thinking of the prostate, right, and men’s ability to pee?

Sheri Winston: I think, I think that’s a very great transition. We think of male genitalia as being pretty obvious ‘cause it’s out there. But the prostate is an important part of the male genitalia. In fact, the female prostate – or g-spot or goddess spot or urethral sponge or whatever you want to call it that we just talked about in women – is actually the same tissue that in men becomes the prostate. So it’s very sensitive, there’s lots of nerve endings there, and there’s also a lot of pleasure to be had for men if they are willing to open up to anal play, which is pretty much what you need to do to stimulate it directly. Although, both men and women, we can learn how to use our pelvic floor muscles to stimulate all of those internal parts also. So as far as the men go, the big thing to really help them expand their arousal and also start to learn how to have non-ejaculatory orgasms and so forth is working on the pelvic floor muscles and exploring and getting in touch with their prostate.

Dr. Patti Taylor: One thing, I want to just back up before we talk about the prostate, is we’re talking about hidden erectile tissue. And I read somewhere – well not only read somewhere – I know for a fact that 33 percent of a man’s cock is actually underneath is balls, so… And most women – not most women, but I think a lot of women – just, you know, what you see is what you touch…

Sheri Winston: Mm hmm.

Dr. Patti Taylor: and they don’t think to get that the underneath area engorged. Well…

Sheri Winston: Mm hmm.

Dr. Patti Taylor: could you talk a little bit about the importance of, you know, that underneath, what we call the buried cock?

Sheri Winston: Well I think that the same way we were talking about the female erectile network and how you’re going to get the best arousal and orgasm when you have the whole network activated, the same really goes for men, and the testicles too. So not only is there the part of the cock that sticks out, that loves the attention we all know, but the base of the cock, the part that’s behind the balls is just as sensitive and filled with just as much erectile tissue. The testicles are a wonderful super sensitive area to play with, and so is the anus, because I think our much maligned assholes are an integral part of our genitalia, really.

Dr. Patti Taylor: And how would you get the buried cocks engorged since it’s buried?

Sheri Winston: Well it’s not really buried. I mean, it’s really right under the skin. So if you just put your hand on the area right behind the balls and in front of the anus, what’s right underneath that skin is that more internal part of the cock. So it’s not hard. And then you just do all the fun things that you do to the rest of it, of rubbing and stroking and squeezing and, you know, and kissing and licking, all those fun things.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Yeah, it can like triple in size, right?

Sheri Winston: Well, you know, just like the rest of the penis, this, you know, they will change dramatically in size, and so it will do the same thing.

Dr. Patti Taylor: It will. It will. Now lets go onto the prostate. Will that, can that triple in size too? I mean is that…?

Sheri Winston: It is, but it doesn’t, it doesn’t get as big, it does, it has a capsule, so it does not increase in size as much as the rest of the penis does. But if you have a finger inside and you’re rubbing it, you can feel it swell and firm. And of course since it is an intense pleasure zone and there’s some wonderful, the nerve place is, right. And there you can also sort of feel the base of the cock from inside. There’s a lot of wonderful territory inside there to play with and pleasure.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Okay, so I’m going to take a break and we’re going to come back to that concept. Please stay with us. We’re talking with Sheri Winston. You can find out more about Sheri at her website. It’s sheriwinston.com. I’m going to spell that for you; it’s s-h-e-r-i, w-i-n-s-t-o-n. We’re talking about orgasmic abundance. And please stay with us.

Dr. Patti Taylor: We’re back and we’re talking to Sheri Winston, and we were talking about what you can do with a prostate. Please continue.

Sheri Winston: Well, there’s lots of fun things to do with a prostate. Of course the owner of the prostate has to be willing, and with all of these explorations I always encourage people to play with themselves first, that we have to be our own learning laboratories. So the same would go for women who want to explore anal pleasure, as well as men, which if it’s something you haven’t explored the place to start is not necessarily with a partner but with yourself. And for men who want to start exploring that, there’s some wonderful sex toys specifically designed for prostate stimulation for men that they can use as well, so there’s a lot of different ways to start exploring that beside inviting a partner to go in.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Now I’m going to ask you, because you have a medical background, you’re, you’ve done work with gynecology, you’re a nurse practitioner, you actually have a real medical background…

Sheri Winston: I do.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Do you believe that there are health benefits to stimulating the prostate?

Sheri Winston: I do. I believe that the same way there are health benefits to orgasm in general for both men and women. I think that stimulating the prostate, massaging it and, the same way actually… Again, women’s genitalia can be massaged, can be wonderfully healing in lots of different ways, on an emotional and energetic level, as well as a physical level, so I think it’s a great thing to add to your repertoire, both for pleasure and for health.

Dr. Patti Taylor: So what would be a good way for a woman possibly to give a man some stimulation.

Sheri Winston: Well, you know, we could even do a whole show anal play or something. But there’s a whole bunch of issues that get involved in terms of hygiene and gloves and lube and relaxation and so forth, so assuming that we, you know, all of those things are in place and everybody’s up for playing, then the real key words with anal stimulation are slow and lubricated.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Slow and lubricated, I love it…

Sheri Winston: You know…

Dr. Patti Taylor: (unintelligible), isn’t it?

Sheri Winston: You know, and you really, and I actually think it’s a wonderful thing for men to learn to receive penetration because I help, I think it helps them learn how to penetrate better once they’ve been on the receiving end of it. You know what I mean?

Dr. Patti Taylor: Uh huh.

Sheri Winston: Yeah. But there’s one other thing I would love to mention briefly while we’re talking about male genitalia, and I would love to briefly mention the foreskin. A lot of men in our culture don’t have a foreskin and our cultural attitude about foreskin is that they’re Mother Nature’s doilies, that she just had some extra time on her hands so she just threw this little thing on top, and it just catches dirt and it’s old fashioned and we should get rid of it ‘cause it doesn’t really serve any purpose. And so I think one of the things we really need to understand is that the foreskin serves a dozen purposes, and that it’s an important component of the male genitalia, and I think as a culture we need to rethink this idea that removing them is a good thing.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well you have now put yourself on the record. I guess you can’t go back if its been removed, but you’re definitely putting out the word for people to think about, if they’ve got the choice about what to do for their kids don’t they?

Sheri Winston: They do, you know, and it’s the same for, you know, women who may have had a hysterectomy and no longer have a uterus or, you know, anyone else who all of the sorts of challenges and disabilities that we get in life. And the wonderful thing about our sexuality is we can learn how to use everything we’ve got to the best of its abilities. So if there’s a part that you don’t have anymore, it doesn’t mean that you can’t have amazing fabulous expanded sex. So that’s a really important thing to understand. At the same time, it would be great if we could start rethinking what we’re doing to our baby boys.

Dr. Patti Taylor: That would be great. Well I think some of the work you’re doing in the world really is promoting orgasmic abundance in so many different ways.

Sheri Winston: Well I will say the foreskin not only is part of the male pleasure system on many important ways, but also our genitals co-evolve. And so a foreskin is there because it’s supposed to fit a certain way with a vagina. And one of the challenges we have is without that there’s a lot more friction during intercourse, and it’s one of the challenges I see in working with people as a practitioner and as a midwife for a long time and all of these things, is that the foreskin, this sort of essential component of the intercourse system, is missing.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Uh huh. So do you recommend people have slower intercourse as a result?

Sheri Winston: Well I recommend lots of lube. I’m a big fan of lube. And also to really sort of rethink the type of actions that we use. That big thrusting in and our move, which men usually need to have because they don’t have the stimulation of the foreskin there, is not necessarily the best move to help women be orgasmic and can lead to too much friction, so I call it sort of learn to fuck like you have a foreskin…

Dr. Patti Taylor: Uh huh.

Sheri Winston: which is more of a rocking motion, and that you can even alternate those kinds of things where you might do some of that more, you know, classic kind of in and out pounding when the woman’s at high level arousal and it’s feeling really great for her, but you might want to intersperse it with more of that rocking kind of motion. And if you think about what we tend to do when the woman is on top, we don’t usually jump up and down on the cock, right. When we’re on top we usually rock our hips back and forth, right?

Dr. Patti Taylor: Right.

Sheri Winston: And that’s one of the reasons that that position works so well for a lot of women in terms of pleasure and orgasm, because that’s the motion, that’s the more natural intercourse motion that we would be doing if our partners had a foreskin.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well I think that’s interesting. I actually saw a study that said that that was the, I think the woman’s preferred sexual position, believe it or not.

Sheri Winston: Mm hmm.

Dr. Patti Taylor: It’s very interesting… I’d like to talk about the rocking motion just for a moment and, because I love that rocking motion myself, I absolutely love it, and I think there’s a way where it’s a very kind of co-equal feeling between the male and, I mean, just leaving the foreskin issue beside, which I think is very fascinating but, you know, what’s done is done, so…

Sheri Winston: Mm hmm.

Dr. Patti Taylor: You know, do a very…

Sheri Winston: You got to work with what you got.

Dr. Patti Taylor: But going on to the rocking thing, I love that because it’s, I think what I want is to feel met, and I also love it, in the rocking there’s a way where I’m rocking him and he’s rocking me and we both, we get, we rock one another and then we go beyond the rocking into a place where neither one of us is doing it and we’re both doing it, we kind of go beyond that and then we kind of go into that place, you know…

Sheri Winston: Oh yeah.

Dr. Patti Taylor: where we’ve fully met. And I find sometimes that different positions, other than the missionary position, really are better for that.

Sheri Winston: Yeah, I think, I think that’s true. And I think, you know, so much of what we do sexually nowadays is influenced by porn, the porn model of how you have sex.

Dr. Patti Taylor: And man on top is not a good rocking position necessarily, unless you have lots of pillows and it’s altered somewhat.

Sheri Winston: Yeah. And you know, ways to get to that mutual more rocking, that rhythmic tranced out place, and probably in almost any position if that’s your intention, but it does seem to be more challenging to get to when men are on top, partly because they’ve got the sort of porn model of bang-bang-bang-bang.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Side by side is very nice for that.

Sheri Winston: Uh huh. Or the sort of scissors, or kind of one person perpendicular and the guy’s on his side and the woman’s like perpendicular on her back with her legs thrown over.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Very nice for that rocking.

Sheri Winston: Yup, and you can kind of turn a little so you can see each other also and, seriously…

Dr. Patti Taylor: Yeah, that’s nice.

Sheri Winston: Mm hmm. So, you know, but wherever you are, it’s great to actually communicate with your partner about having time during your lovemaking when you want to go into that more, it’s almost, I don’t know, meditative. You know, it’s just less, it’s less of that boom-boom-boom and more of that ahh-ahh-ahh, you know?

Dr. Patti Taylor: Uh huh. The rear entry can be really nice side by side for the rocking too…

Sheri Winston: Mm hmm.

Dr. Patti Taylor: very, very subtle…

Sheri Winston: Mm hmm.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well we’re going to take another break. Please stay with us. We’re here and we’re talking with Sheri Winston about orgasmic abundance. And you can find out more about Sheri at her website, which is a great website I have to tell you, full of DVD’s and a phenomenal blog. I signed up for her blog. It’s just so well written and it’s wonderful, and she’s got e-books and e-zines and everything. I love your website. Sheriwinston.com, s-h-e-r-i, w-i-n-s-t-o-n, dot com. We’ll be right back.

Dr. Patti Taylor: We’re back and we’re talking with Sheri Winston about orgasmic abundance and intimate abundance. I love this conversation.

Sheri Winston: Me too. I love talking about orgasms. Almost as much as I like having them.

Dr. Patti Taylor: I feel like calling my partner up, this is such a juicy conversation; “Come home.” Anyway, I’m just going to do my homework that you gave me.

Sheri Winston: Okay, orgasms. Lets talk more about orgasms and how to have bigger better ones.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Yes. What’s something we can do for the women?

Sheri Winston: Well here’s something that goes for everybody…

Dr. Patti Taylor: Okay.

Sheri Winston: I think each of us comes equipped with our own internal toolkit, and we can learn how to use those tools to do all kinds of amazing things with our sexuality. And the way I think of our toolkits is I think we’ve got tools of the mind, the body, the heart and the spirit. And the main tools, the easiest ones to talk about are the body tools of breath and sound and movement. And this is stuff we can all do, and these are some of the simplest things to do to have better arousal and better orgasms. And the first one is to really start using your breath, and I don’t mean faking anything, but I mean enhancing what your breath is already doing, making it deeper, making it faster, making it slower. Whatever it’s already do, it’s to kind of expand that… And then the second best tool is our sounds. And we’ve got huge sound inhibition in our culture about sex. But if we can start freeing and releasing our sound and enhancing our breath, arousal gets better, orgasm gets better. And then the third, you know, most important tool in our toolkit is movement. And we talked a little bit about two movements; we talked about pelvic floor muscles, which are internal muscles in our pelvis. We also talked about hip rocking. And those are two of the most important movements, and hip rocking can go all the way up your spine, kind of like a little undulation up your spine. But those three things – the sound, the breath and those movements – if you learn nothing else and you just play with enhancing your breath, allowing yourself to make some sounds and playing with sounds and using your muscles, you’re going to have better sex.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well those are all wonderful and, so I’m just going to pick one of them, and I’m going to pick breath because I’m a big lover of using breath. I mean, I love them all, and I have a super special place in my heart for breath. Actually, I just want to say you and your partner wrote some blog entries on breath that just opened my heart, just blew me away, it was such beautiful blog entries, and… So would you just say a little bit more about how you use breath?

Sheri Winston: I would be delighted to. You know, breath is the only system in our body that’s innervated by both our voluntary and involuntary nervous systems. And that’s why it’s the foundational tool in all mind/body disciplines. It’s where our conscious and our unconscious overlap. And so our breath can be used to calm down. Our breath can be used to get more excited and aroused. And the thing about sexual arousal is it’s a dance between tension and relaxation, right. If I’m too relaxed, if I’m getting massaged and I get really relaxed I’ll fall asleep. That might be great if I want to relax my muscles, but if I’m having sex, falling asleep is not what I want to have happen. If I’m too tense I’m not going to get aroused either. So what we’re going for when we’re playing with our breath in our sexual arousal journey is first to just notice what our breath is doing anyway. Notice that I’m feeling tense and my breath is being held a little bit. Okay, let me release it, let me open it, let me slow it down a little. Or I notice I’m really not paying attention to what’s going on, my mind has wandered off, and our mind of course, you know, our little monkey minds are all over the place right, they’re like, “Oh my gosh, look at the cobwebs. I need to dust.” So if I notice I’ve wandered off I can use my breath to bring myself back.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Could you give me an example, like, just (breathing)?

Sheri Winston: Well a deep (breathing) sighing breath is always a good start, a nice (breathing) regular (breathing), just to get yourself present, centered in your body, bring yourself back if you’ve wandered off. And then once you’re sort of at that early level, you’ve just, you’ve gotten present, you’ve stopped your mind from running around like a crazy thing and you’re present and you’re noticing what’s going on, you can send your breaths deeper into your body, you can send it down so that it’s actually a sensation as if you’re breathing through your crotch. We’re starting to use another tool by the way, that’s vision, and that’s our internal vision. And we’re using a mind tool with intention too while we’re at it. So by taking that same breath I just did, (breathing), but imagining it’s going up and down my body, my whole body, (breathing), I start to get my body turned on, ooh good, this is good. Then say I’m at low level arousal and I want to bring my arousal up higher, at that point I might want to start speeding my breath up a little, I might want to start doing a deeper faster breath, I might want to start doing a (breathing), and bringing the energy up. So you breath is this wonderful multipurpose tool that you can use with intention to take you where you want to go. Now of course I was also using a little bit of sound with that, and when you start adding the sound to the breath you can start using the breath to (breathing and moaning), right, or (moaning), you can start playing with the sound and the breath together and bringing yourself, again, into different kinds of erotic states. In fact I actually, if you go to my website, there’s a little five minute video of me doing what’s called a pre-breath orgasm, where using breath, sound, pelvic floor muscles, vision and tension and practice, I basically do three breaths and have an orgasm without using my hands. Clothes on, hands off. And it’s an advanced skill, but remember these are skills, so the more you practice them the easier they get. And the more you practice consciously bringing your breath in, playing with your sound…I’ve got my pelvic muscles trained now that as soon as I start, (breathing), breathing like that my pelvic floor muscles are playing along, so they’re like, those three things are just trained to always work together. Once you start getting that happening it gets easier and easier to get aroused. And when you’re having an orgasm, the more you breathe into it you can use your breath and your sound to ride that wave and use your muscles to keep pumping the energy, and it’s the easiest way to extend your orgasm. The sort of easiest first step is that when you’re orgasming and you’re going (moaning), just keeping going (moaning), and breath and pump your muscles, (moaning), and if you do that you can take your orgasms from, you know, a twenty second or thirty second orgasm and get it to a minute orgasm. You know, you can double your orgasm just by, just by playing with those tools during your orgasm.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well some of the things I like about what you’re saying is I think when you’re, the way you’re sounding it is you’re really softening your throat. You’re not, it’s not a hard sound, but it’s a very guttural sound, (moan), it’s very sexy and it’s a very relaxed throat, and so it’s connected to your pelvis. And the sound – that’s what I’m hearing – and also the sound keeps you present and lets your partner know how much you’re enjoying it, so you’re staying very connected with your partner as well as connecting to your own experience. So you’re doing a lot when you’re actually, what you’ve just taught our listeners.

Sheri Winston: Well you just hit on any number of important points. My background for 20 years primarily was as a midwife. And I learned a lot of what I learned about sex by helping women birth. And I learned this a long time ago, that the mouth and the throat are connected to the genitals, and if you want the energy to being moving down and out and opening your genitals, it won’t happen if your mouth and your throat are closed up and tight. So that was, that is exactly right on, they’re completely connected.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Right, and I don’t think you have to make sounds, but I do think you want to have your jaw open. And I always say at least imagine you can put a banana in there and not cut it in half.

Sheri Winston: I agree. Yeah, I agree that you really, having that open is really important and silence can be a wonderful thing sometimes, and I really encourage people to explore the soundtrack of their pleasure, because a lot of times the silence isn’t helping. It’s good when it’s at that point when it’s just helping you be utterly focused and present…

Dr. Patti Taylor: Right.

Sheri Winston: But sound also is so useful because it actually tells your brain to pay attention.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Right.

Sheri Winston: ‘Cause our brains are very busy. You know, there’s a lot going on, so silence can be good but even little sounds, you know, even the sounds I was making when I was breathing, are going to help, so…

Dr. Patti Taylor: Exactly. It’s always about choice, and I think some people can flip between sometimes they want to go into silence and sometimes they want to make sounds, so I think to have the whole spectrum available to them when they want it is where it’s at, and that’s what I was saying. I thought your sounds were so gorgeous, beautiful modeling.

Sheri Winston: Why thank you. Why thank you. And, you know, I think also because we have so much sound inhibition about sex, there’s something incredibly freeing about allowing yourself to make sounds. Because we all grew up doing that thing where we were, we didn’t somebody to know we were having sex, right, because we were fooling around in our bedroom, we didn’t want our parents to hear or we didn’t want the kids in the front seat of the car to know what we were doing in the back seat, so we’re being quiet so nobody would know we’re having sex. And when you break free, every time you free something in yourself, you’ll have better sex.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well that’s true, and I’m going to play the Devil’s advocate and say that for some people, that’s their choice is to be quiet. So, you know, but I think it is important to learn to have the option, you know. So if you’re being quiet because you’re really stuck, that’s very different than having, you know, a soft throat, an open throat and being able to be expressive and being a choice…

Sheri Winston: Absolutely…

Dr. Patti Taylor: So there’s a million ways to do it, and to do it in freedom is what’s really beautiful, and definitely free the breath, whatever you do, is so beautiful. And to make sure you know how to free the sound if that’s your path is the way I’d say it.

Sheri Winston: I agree. I mean one of the things I say over and over again in my class is there is no one right way to do any of this, and that you are in your own laboratory and you’re running experiments and noticing what happens, noticing what works, noticing what helps, noticing what stops you, and so that’s really the game, you know…

Dr. Patti Taylor: Yeah, and I think we’re all in our own stage, you know, and I know for me it took me years to learn how to talk, how to ask for what I wanted…

Sheri Winston: Mm hmm.

Dr. Patti Taylor: and this is years after I was really orgasmic and…

Sheri Winston: Yeah, me too.

Dr. Patti Taylor: and having expanded orgasms, and it took me years to actually break the sound barrier. And so, I, you know, it just, it was an evolution and I’m still pretty quiet, although I can  have a very soft jaw and I can breath and I can sound and I, but, you know, so I think, but for a long time I was just absolutely silent, and so it was, it took me quite a while to just, I think for my brain to get to the point where it was okay. So it was important for me to honor my process too, so I just, I wanted to put that out there to, for all women to…

Sheri Winston: And men.

Dr. Patti Taylor: and men to really love themselves wherever they are, and I loved what you were doing. I think the place where you connect the soft jaw, (breathing), just the exhaling and the sounding of with the breathing is just beautiful, and then see what you want to do.

Sheri Winston: Mm hmm, I agree completely. And, you know, the thing about this journey we’re on, we’re on this lifelong learning journey. And wherever we are, we’ve already learned so much, we’ve already come so far. And again, I just want to so agree with what you said about honoring where you are in the journey and not feeling like, you know, “Oh, I should be able to have a three breath orgasm.” It’s like, no. It takes a long time to work up to that. You can learn any of this stuff if you want to…

Dr. Patti Taylor: Uh huh.

Sheri Winston: And it depends on how much time and energy you put into it and how much you want it. It’s all learnable but you don’t have to learn any of it, and there’s not right way.

Dr. Patti Taylor: That’s right, true. ‘Cause I, I’m on the quiet side, I know other women that are just, they wouldn’t even know what to do if they couldn’t, I call it sound, just…

Sheri Winston: Mm hmm.

Dr. Patti Taylor: make a lot of sounds. So it just…

Sheri Winston: Mm hmm.

Dr. Patti Taylor: there’s a whole spectrum out there, and what I’ve learned is to just honor pleasure.

Sheri Winston: Mm hmm.

Dr. Patti Taylor: So we’re going to bring this show to a close, and I would love to invite you to bring in one final thought to inspire our listeners.

Sheri Winston: Well, remember that this is play. That you’re playing with pleasure, and it’s easy to get stuck thinking there’s a right way or a wrong way, but there’s not. There’s just the way that works for you and your job is to play and discover it and have fun.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well thank you so much. I want to tell you, I have had so much fun talking with you. I am just smiling and turned on and went and cumming, I’m just vibrating from head to toe, I’ve had so much fun talking to you, and I feel like I’ve learned a lot. I can’t wait to have you back on this show. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Sheri Winston: Well thank you for all your wonderful work and for having me as a guest. It’s been a pleasure.

Dr. Patti Taylor: We’ve been talking with Sheri Winston. She’s coming out with a book in the Fall, The Anatomy of Arousal. Obviously we’re talking to an expert. And so look for that in the Fall. In the meantime, you’ll just have to listen to this podcast a few times and learn all about everything she’s had to share with us, and thank you so much for listening. If you haven’t already, do check out our new feature at personallifemedia.com, it’s called Notify Me, and you can be notified every time a new episode of the Expanded Lovemaking show comes out. Just go to personallifemedia.com/signup and you can choose Same Day Notification or get a weekly digest, so you’ll never miss the show. So that brings us to the end of our show. Please send me, Patti, email at [email protected]. For text and transcripts of this show and other shows on the Personal Life Media network, please visit our website at personallifemedia.com. And please visit me, Dr. Patti Taylor, at expandedlovemaking.com, where you can join my mailing list and find out more about my products, services and events. This is Dr. Patti Taylor. That’s all for now. I remain yours in ever expanding lovemaking and I’ll see you next week.