Episode 56: The Intimate Lovemaking Dance (Part Two) with Gayle Michaels

Listen Now
RSS: Subscribe
RSS: iTunes

In Part Two of this interview, hear Dr. Patti chat with Gayle Michaels. an anthropologist, a sexologist, a writer and an Intimate Dance Teacher. She is the author of the book, Vinyasa Tantra Illustrated, How to do The Intimate Dance.

In this show, you’ll learn more about this elegant and sophisticated style of making love that involves transitioning through numerous positions while remaining intimately united with your lover. Gayle describes the Intimate Dance so beautifully, you can feel the energy pouring right out through, and over the air! Find out what women need to know about the physical requirements for engaging in this dance. Learn more details, such as what non-orgasmic women have discovered about this art form, and how some clients and students of the Intimate Dance have had life-and-relationship altering experiences. Learn why Gayle feels this art form contributed so much to her own orgasmic awakening, and why she feels that this work helps make the world a more loving, safe, connected place for everyone.

Transcript

[music[

Announcer: This program is intended for mature audiences only.

[music]

Dr. Patti Taylor: Welcome to the Expanded Lovemaking show. This is Part 2 of a two part show. Today, we are talking about reaching nirvana through making love, and we have been talking about the intimate dance with Gayle Michaels, who is an anthropologist and psychologist, a writer and an intimate dance teacher.

Gayle Michaels: You go through about 30 to 40 positions for the woman. The man holds 12 different positions as he supports and helps the woman to rotate. When making love in this manner, reaching an orgasm is easier than me reaching one on my own through self-loving techniques.

All of the obstacles have to go in order for it to be successful for the transformational sexual experience to be completed, to consummate it. It obliterates the ego. Once the ego is gone, you know that you're one with that person. The most profound thing, specifically with regard to the intimate dance, is that it works for a lot of people.

Dr. Patti Taylor: We're going to pick up the thread of this amazing conversation from Part 1. So, would you just, maybe, I know you've already described it once, but I don't think you can step into the same river twice so I don't think we could hear the same description twice. Or, maybe, just from a slightly different vantage point, once again tell us what is the intimate dance?

Gayle Michaels: The intimate dance is a lovemaking process that involves an exquisite full body massage, superior penetration technique, moving through numerous positions while remaining intimately united with your lover, eye contact, synchronized breathing, a sophisticated sensual conversation and consciously embarking upon a tandem spiritual journey for the purpose of opening a portal through which to glimpse eternity.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Wow, that's beautiful. You go through a spiral.

Gayle Michaels: Yes, you are spiraling the feminine sexual energy around the masculine sexual energy in a continuous ring. You go through about 30 to 40 positions for the woman. The man holds 12 different positions as he supports and helps the woman to rotate.

Dr. Patti Taylor: How many times does the woman go around the man's cock or lingam?

Gayle Michaels: In the basic sequence that I teach, she makes two complete 360 degree turns; however, if that was fun and you don't want to stop, you don't have to break the connection. You can just keep going around and around and around. I encourage people to improvise and to come up with ways to add innovative techniques and more exotic positions than the basic sequence that I teach in the class because everybody has different styles and different body types. Some people are capable of things that other people are not.

The basic sequence is designed that just about everybody can do it. There are few little variations that have to be added, depending on size and body style, but it's pretty much a universal basic sequence that I teach.

Dr. Patti Taylor: I know you've written a book on this called "The Vinyasa Tantra Illustrated, How To Do The Intimate Dance" which is available on your website, but just to give our listeners a verbal picture, would ultimately your positions have the man on top, the woman on the bottom; the man and woman on their sides. Then the man on the bottom and the woman on top; you're going around with variations, but is there this other movement?

Gayle Michaels: Yes, it starts missionary style, and then the woman begins to rotate her leg over and turn over and she goes into doggy. Then, she lays flat on her face and continues to rotate around so that they are back in missionary style. Then, the man assists her in sitting her on top of him, and then she does another 360 degree rotation with her on top. During that 360 degree rotation they roll into several different side poses, the scissors pose and both of her legs over his side and head to feet poses.

Dr. Patti Taylor: That sounds really fun. Do you think there's something really important about the sequence in which it is done, the way you teach it?

Gayle Michaels: Yes, the sequence allows the sexual energy to be conducted in a similar manner that electricity is conducted when you wrap a copper wire around a magnet or a quartz crystal--how the energy flows. You are obeying a natural law of electricity and aiding the sexual energy to flow in the same manner through the two bodies.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Wow. Now, that's amazing and I've just got this image of being--are you like aligned with gravity and the North Pole and all that kind of magnetic stuff?

Gayle Michaels: I don't know that I'm totally aligned with it, but my front door faces the north and it's black. Does that count? [laughs]

Dr. Patti Taylor: Of course, it does. I want to find out. We talked about the physical requirements for a man in Part 1, but how about the physical requirements for a woman?

Gayle Michaels: Once again, if a woman does not have severe trauma to her lower back or pins in her lower back or anything, she can do this. Some people find that a few of the positions strain them a little bit if they lack flexibility. When I am doing the class, I will warm people up with some yoga stretches that are designed to prepare you to do these exercises. If there is anything that is too much of a strain, you just skip that position and go on to the next one; don't linger there.

Dr. Patti Taylor: OK, good. Well, we're going to take a quick break. I want to find out a little bit more about the orgasmic--I have some orgasmic questions for you, so please stay with us. This is Dr. Patti Taylor and I am with Gayle Michaels. We will be right back; I promise.

You can learn more about Gayle at gaylemichaels.com, g-a-y-l-e m-i-c-h-a-e-l-s.com. She's got a great website, blog, lots of video which I love, intelligent, provocative writing. And she brings in a lot of other people and their viewpoints, so it's just a great website. Please stay with us.

Announcer: Listen to Sex, Love and Intimacy, a podcast providing weekly audio workshops for your pleasure and connection on PersonalLifeMedia.com.

[music]

Dr. Patti Taylor: We're back. I am talking with Gayle Michaels about the physical requirements for women. Do some women who are non-orgasmic through intercourse, and a lot of women are non-orgasmic through intercourse, so what do you say to them?

Gayle Michaels: Well, I was not orgasmic through intercourse and thought, maybe, there was something wrong with me until I experienced this lovemaking style. I realized there is absolutely nothing wrong with me, and when making love in this manner reaching an orgasm is easier than me reaching one on my own through self-loving techniques, through masturbation or a vibrator or whatever I happen to be doing. I have to take a deep breath and hold and really tense up my muscles in order to get over the edge when I'm alone. But, when I experience this lovemaking technique I slowly and gradually build up to a much stronger peak effortlessly. I guess, has that answered your question?

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well, it does. You know, I also was wondering. Do some women ever find that it's helpful to have some manual or oral stimulation beforehand to get warmed up?

Gayle Michaels: I think that's lovely and beautiful and always enhances the lovemaking experience. I highly recommend it if you feel so inspired.

Dr. Patti Taylor OK, great. Do you have any stories of people who have learned this and have it really make a life changing effect on them?

Gayle Michaels: Yes. There was one gentleman who came to me and wanted to learn it. He was planning on getting a divorce, and he wanted to learn it in preparation for his next marriage because he didn't want to fail in two marriages. I refused to teach it to him unless he promised me that he would give his wife a second chance, and they had been sleeping in separate bedrooms for years. So, this was a major undertaking, but he wanted to learn it bad enough that he promised me that.

After he got it down, they went on a second honeymoon. A woman who previously had not wanted him to see her naked was willing to stand with the lights on and let him see her body naked and ask him, "Can we make love?"

Dr. Patti Taylor: Wow. That's a beautiful story.

Gayle Michaels: Yes, they won't be getting a divorce.

Dr. Patti Taylor: They are going to be spending hours and hours making love. Who has time for a divorce, right?

Gayle Michaels: Yeah. Another situation was very interesting. I was told by a man who had been married for eight years that when he tried to do the techniques that I recommended with his wife of eight years, he became so scared he could not go through with it.

Sometimes, you have to risk losing it all in order to gain it all. It will reveal whether or not you are a good etheric match because making love in this style and successfully creating a true tantric bond in this manner, two people literally from an energetic perspective become one. You will know what the other one is feeling and thinking and going through even if you're a thousand miles apart. That kind of intimacy can be very scary for someone.

The spiritual masters say we are all one, and when you make love like this it becomes crystal clear how true that really is because all of the obstacles have to go in order for it to be successful, for the transformational, sexual experience to be completed, to  consummate it. It obliterates the ego. Once the ego is gone you know that you are one with that person.

Dr. Patti Taylor: That's really beautiful. Well, it sounds like both men and women need to have a real chemistry with their partner, but even if they do, do you teach men to become sexual virtuosos and women sensuous virtuoses. Even if you do have that connection--I think a lot of people just haven't had a lot of education and would like to develop their skills.

Could you tell us a little bit about what you teach people? You said there were lots of characteristics, I think, to becoming a skilled lover. What are some of those that would really make this dance be a fabulous one?

Gayle Michaels: Well, there is a certain amount of skill and competence with regard to just lovemaking that I'm not sure how anyone can gain without practice. Once you've had some practice and you're fairly adept at just regular, ordinary sex, then you can add things like eye contact.

A lot of people when they are having sex, they close their eyes. They turn their head and kind of go elsewhere in their mind and abandon their bodies. It can be challenging for a lot of people to keep your eyes open and make that eye contact during lovemaking.

Another thing is synchronizing the breath. The Yogis will teach many different breath techniques where you breathe in one nostril and out the other. In to the count of five and out to the count of ten, and things like that which will raise your heart rate, lower your heart rate, raise your blood pressure, lower your blood pressure. You learn how to gain conscious control of normally involuntary bodily functions just through controlling the breath.

And during sex, if you consciously breathe together and inhale one another's exhales, you begin to synchronize your heart beats. As the heart beats begin to synchronize, it makes it easier for you to feel what your lover is feeling simultaneously, so that you are both feeling the same thing.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well, that's hot. I have this picture right now of a couple going around and synchronizing their breath. Is it unbroken as they go around and change the positions, that they have eye contact and the synchronized breaths?

Gayle Michaels: Well, of course, where a woman is in doggy style facing away, you can't have the eye contact. You can pay attention to each other's breathing. Every time you change positions, go back into synch and that's important.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Yeah, I really like that. Your book illustrates all of these positions, I just want to point out. Is that correct?

Gayle Michaels: Yes, that's correct.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Can people learn from the book, or does it really help to take the classes?

Gayle Michaels: It definitely helps to take the classes. The book simply illustrates the positions you are in when you make the major transitions, and I am hoping soon to get a video out showing how it's done. When I'm teaching a couple, neither one knows it and they both have their clothes on, of course, I am taking them through 38 postures for the woman and 12 postures for the man in a matter of 10 minutes, and that can seem very challenging and hard. They say, "Is this a workout?"

If you're making love for an hour and a half and you go through each of these positions and you're relaxed, breathing together, looking into each other's eyes and slowing stroking every once in a while during these positions, it's like a slow stroll on a cool afternoon.

It's not necessarily vigorous and intense exercise. It can be if you want to get very animated and make it sexercise, you can do that and that's fun, too. But, it does not have to be. It's a wonderful, slow way to make love even for senior citizens who only want a slow stroll.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well, that's great. I love the idea of thinking senior citizens have something really fun to do instead of just sitting there, reading the paper.

Gayle Michaels: Absolutely. A lot of times the more mature people are readier for this than the young ones who are into the athletic style sex. It's not an athletic style sex, and I videotaped myself doing it. To watch it for educational purposes is really kind of boring because you're just watching someone laying there breathing for a long, long time and slowly, slowly doing some stimulation with the pubic bone, that in and out thrusting type of thing. And then, after five or 10 minutes of that, moving to the next position.

I'm still thinking about how to make a videotape that's exciting and engaging for people without it seeming daunting. If it doesn't seem daunting, are they even going to finish watching it because it looks kind of boring? If you're in to the person it's not boring at all while you're doing it.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Right, because it's the subtle energy.

Gayle Michaels: It's extremely subtle, extremely subtle.

Dr. Patti Taylor: OK, we're going to take a quick break. Then, I want to find out what listeners can do to practice at home, so please stay with us. This is Dr. Patti Taylor and I'm with Gayle Michaels. You can learn more about Gayle at her website, gaylemichaels.com.

[music]

Announcer: Listen to Sex, Tantra and Kama Sutra, a weekly Internet audio program from PersonalLifeMedia.com. Learn ancient secrets that turn on the soul of sex at PersonalLifeMedia.com.

[music]

Dr. Patti Taylor: We're back, and we're talking about the intimate dance. I was wondering what are some things that listeners can do to get started right away, other than going to your website and thinking about it? Are there some things they can just go home and do today?

Gayle Michaels: Well, on YouTube I have an account called Sensuous Virtuoso, and there are some videos of some exercises that people can do that will start training their body and putting the moves into body memory. You can turn on the stereo to some rock 'n roll beat music and get your hips going in a circular motion.

You can sit Indian style and meditate and pray and bring your lover into the prayer with you so that you are consciously making a spiritual connection. It's really powerful for both of you to set a time to do this together, if you live together, sitting next to each other. If you don't live together, at the same time of the day, see if you can tune in to one another spiritually, etherically, during a meditation.

Practice breathing techniques. Breathe in to the count of seven; hold a beat; out to the count of seven; hold a beat; so that you start training your body to do circular breathing automatically.

Dr. Patti Taylor: How about, maybe, is there like sort of a scaled down spiral people could do? What would that look like?

Gayle Michaels: I don't know that I have a scaled down spiral to recommend. I would say if you do some basic yoga postures that strengthen your lower back and increases flexibility in your upper thighs, twists, boat pose, play pose. Things like that will get your body ready for it.

Dr. Patti Taylor: OK, good, because I'm sure it probably does sound like you need a certain amount of agility to do this. What is one of the most amazing things you've learned from teaching this or that you've seen?

Gayle Michaels: The most profound thing specifically with regard to the intimate dance is that it works for a lot of people. I experienced it in 1977, and for years people would say, what do you like; what do you like; what do you like? I would say, it's irrelevant because you're not my partner. We're not going to be partners, and you need to find out what your significant other likes.

I would teach them how to ask questions that would make it easier for them to answer, and then they just wore me down. Then, I started saying, "OK, you know what I like? Here's what I like. I like a man who can penetrate without using his hands; take me through one position to another without coming apart; synchronized breathing; blah, blah, blah. I'd go through the eight characteristics.

When they started incorporating this into their personal relationships, I started getting testimonials that were blowing my mind. One man had been in a relationship with a woman for 10 years, and he was scared to death she was fixing to lose him. They got engaged after he learned this.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Wow.

Gayle Michaels: It's just amazing. The thing that amazed me was that it works for other people. I thought it had specifically to do with me and this particular man and the fact that our bodies fit perfectly, and we were sized just right for each other and that emotionally we were on the same page in that particular moment and all that.

It turns out that the style is extremely appealing to a large number of people, much more so than I ever expected. That was surprising. The other thing that this did for me when I started doing adult sex education rather than just selling sex for money was that I realized how sincerely the men of the world want to be better lovers for the sake of the women that they are loving.

I used to think men were in it just for themselves. All they cared about was getting off and going away and coming back when they needed to get off again. I didn't think that men were really interested in connecting with women genuinely. Teaching this has proven to me that men care very, very deeply about a profound connection with women.

There is so much frustration because the sexes are so different, and the hard wiring and the way they think about life and the way they are compelled to behave towards one another sexually. And this seems to [xx] the gap.

Dr. Patti Taylor: I think that's really beautiful because I found that men really want to please women if they only knew how.

Gayle Michaels: If they knew how. Yeah.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well, one thing that we haven't talked about was the sexual essence. How important do you think that is in this practice that it's being contained?

Gayle Michaels: If you look at the sexual energy like water, then flowing water like a river divides. But, when you create a dam and pool it, you have a depth and a tranquility. And so, a conscious deliberate containment of sexual energy for the purpose of a depth and a stillness can be profound.

There is also nothing wrong with a fast running river to divide when that is needed, appropriate, useful in furthering a person's spiritual growth or even the consciousness of a society.

Dr. Patti Taylor: I love the image of that pooling and damming of the energy. It's really beautiful.

Gayle Michaels: Well, there is a concept of unlimited desire that people tend to want to fixate on one person, and we've traditionally done that by saying that sex is only good and holy and clean if you do it within the context of a monogamous relationship and a holy marriage.

As we've seen with the high divorce rate and people unable to be faithful that did not work. It quite often led to illnesses and strife and unnecessary emotional problems. And so, limiting desire to one person for a moral reason is a deadly goal; however, if you are consciously choosing to focus attention and energy on one person for a time, for a reason then something extraordinary can be created.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well, I think that if you are going to focus on one person, you are giving them a real gift by developing as many skills as you possibly can to keep it profound and amazing.

Thank you very much. We are coming to the end of our show. I was wondering if you could just share something--it could be anything--just to take the show out in an uplifting way. A thought, maybe, that our listeners could take out into their day from your heart to theirs?

Gayle Michaels: I would say that we are on the verge of a paradigm shift in consciousness with regards to our ability to open our hearts and love more freely and more fully. When these energies start coming in with passion and purity and confidence, there's going to be less need for violence in the world. Although it might seem like there is a lot of chaos going on, it is temporary and illusory. We are truly, truly moving into a field of love that is profoundly inspiring and joy filling. So, enjoy.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Enjoy.

Gayle Michaels Enjoy. My message is just enjoy. Life is wonderful.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well, what a great message. Thank you so much, Gayle, for coming on our show today.

Gayle Michaels: You're welcome. Thank you for having me.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Oh, it's been a total pleasure, a total turn-on.

Gayle Michaels: I love you, Patti. You know, I saw your video on YouTube talking about the shaivism.

Dr. Patti Taylor: The Casimiri shaivism.

Gayle Michaels: Yes, and you are an inspiration to me. I went out and bought the books, and it's just been wonderful reading them. Thank you.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Oh, thank you so much. Yes, I do have the videos on my website, too, expandedlovemaking.com, but we'll talk about that in a moment.

Right now, I just want to say you can find out more about the intimate dance, "Vinyasa Tantra Illustrated, How To Do The Intimate Dance", and that's on your website. It's a fabulous website. It's got a blog and lots of articles and videos and your thinking. It's just cool. So, it's g-a-y-l-e-m-i-c-h-a-e-l-s.com. Gaye, an amazing person and it's been thrilling to have you on the show today.

Gayle Michaels: Thank you. I've loved it.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Yes, me, too. This does bring us to the end of our show. Please send me email at [email protected], and for text and transcripts of this show and other shows on the Personal Life Media network please visit our website at personallifemedia.com.

If you haven't already, you can also subscribe to my website, expandedlovemaking.com. You can join my mailing list, too.

This is your host, Dr. Patti Taylor, and that's all for now. I remain yours in ever expanding lovemaking, and I'll see you next week.

Announcer: Find more great shows like this on PersonalLifeMedia.com.

[music]