Episode 52 - Sexy Positions for Oral Lovemaking, G-Spot and More (Part Two) with Kim Switnicki

Transcript

This program is intended for mature audiences only.

This is Part 2 of a two-part podcast.  If you’d like Part 1 you’ll find it at personallifemedia.com.

Dr. Patti Taylor:  Welcome to the Expanded Lovemaking Show. This is Part 2 of a two-part show.  I’m your host Dr. Patti Taylor of expandedlovemaking.com and I teach you how to give and receive way more pleasure than you ever dreamed possible. So we are continuing on with our conversation Sexy Positions for Sexy Situations. And it’s all about making love in fun new ways.

Kim Switnicki:  Your throat is open. You have a nice long, straight pathway for your throat and then what you want is, you have your man at the side of the bed and you just adjust with pillows or heights or whatever,  maybe you’re on a couch or a table –  kitchen table would be fun – and then you have your man standing there with his penis at attention, at your mouth.
Approach her from between her legs and it’s really handy, again, having her, even propped up if you’re laying on the bed, like you say with pillows,  prop her up with a bunch of pillows so she’s a bit higher and then you...  Just experiment and play around and see what’s really comfy for you.

The key with g-spot stimulation, because a woman’s g-spot is really at the front... is felt through the front wall of her vagina. It’s up sort of below her belly button, in that general vicinity, so you want to have g-spot stimulation, so the penis needs to hit that area. And, unless you have a small penis, and I actually knew a woman who was thrilled that her lover had a three inch long penis and I know when she was telling me there were other women just gasping, saying “How can that be?” But it was perfect because it actually hit her g-spot.

Taylor: We’ve been talking to Kim Switnicki. So I’m going to welcome you back onto the show. Hi Kim.

Switnicki: Hi Patti. Great to be back.                

Taylor: It’s wonderful to have you back. Kim is the founder and CEO of Lioness for Lovers. And she’s an international speaker, a sex educator  and an internationally accredited coach specializing in women’s relationship sensuality and sexuality. She’s an author, she has a great website, we’ll tell you more about that. And we’re going to talk this show about oral sex and toys and the g-spot. So, I’m all excited. We have a g-spot expert. Kim is a g-spot expert. What a great thing to be in life. Well let’s get going then. We just sort of  left off, talking about oral sex as a thing you can do and have a lot of different positions. So would you like to tell us a little bit about that?

Switnicki: Sure. Sure. Oral sex is one of those things that I think is possibly lacking in a lot of longer term relationships. I think people tend to have more oral sex... it’s kind of like foreplay for a relationship and it seems that a lot of, what I hear, is a lot of women will sort of shy away from oral sex once they get into a longer term relationship.  And it baffles me, quite frankly, because I think that it becomes, it’s a very intimate thing to take somebody else’s body part  into your mouth and I think it’s something that is so powerful and to be explored and shared with somebody that you really care about. And so I encourage people – maybe they’re just bored. Maybe that’s what it is. I’m not sure. But from an oral sex perspective I think that there are some great positions. One thing I would like to stress, for women especially, is often what women will do, is they will crouch over their partner, whether their partner or standing, standing isn’t too bad, but if your partner’s on his back and usually you’re in bed and you lean over to perform oral sex and you’re trying to put a penis in your mouth and you’re leaning over and  if you think about that your throat is kind of closing up and going into like an “L” shape  because you’re bent over and it’s really hard to get a penis in your mouth comfortably when you’re all scrunched up like that. So what I recommend to women to just explore a little bit is a different position to start and so if a woman is laying on her back – and you can do this for male-male as well – but if a woman’s laying on her back and she has her head resting off the side of the bed, and so your head is kind of dangling over the side of the bed and then what you... get comfortable, you want to make sure your neck is supported.  But if you imagine that, then your throat is open. You have a nice long, straight pathway for your throat and then what you want is, you have your man at the side of the bed and you just adjust with pillows or heights or whatever,  maybe you’re on a couch or a table –  kitchen table would be fun – and then you have your man standing there with his penis at attention, at your mouth. The key here is make sure that you do this with somebody you trust and you do this with somebody that you have some communication arranged ahead of time because your mouth is going to be full so you want to make sure that you have some sort of signal or a way to communicate with your hands or a grunt or something. Ideally the man stands there, doesn’t do anything but let you lead and you just grab his butt cheeks with your two hands and then you draw him into your mouth in that way. And you’ve got your mouth open, your throat’s open, relax and if you hit a spot where it’s uncomfortable or you want him to stop, you have total control. So again, be with somebody that’s not going to be shoving themselves into your mouth because that’s not fun. So you just want to control everything. Get used to that sensation. Get used to being able to take him more fully into your mouth. For a man--really powerful. Again, men are usually quite visual and he’s watching this and of course it’s a huge turn on. And so once you get used to that perhaps then the next time you’re in that position where you want to be taking him into your mouth you’re going to naturally be sort of arching yourself a little bit, getting your body into that position where your throat is more open. So that’s just kind of a way to help it be a little less triggering of your gag reflex, etc. As far as positions, for a man being on his knees you can approach him from the front. You could be laying sort of in the same direction as his body, or the opposite direction. You can kind of scoot in under his butt, and have your face facing his belly button. It’s kind of tricky to describe this audio only or even a different way. And you may want to experiment depending on how hard he is, depending on the angle of his penis, and if you’ve been with more than one man the penises are different, just like we are different. So some men it’s going to be easier. Maybe their erections are right up near their tummy so you have to be in a different position. Some men’s erections are quite a bit lower so you’ve got a bit more flexibility there for oral sex.  And you can have him on his back and you can, again, be on the side, be in the front of him, you can be laying on top of him in that classic 69 position. And all of that also duplicates well for women. I’m not personally a huge fan of the 69 position where you’re both at each other’s genitals and you’re both performing oral sex on each other. A: unless you’re  perfectly aligned physically with your body heights and shapes, etc. it can be tricky but I find that when I’m performing oral sex I really like to get into it. I really like to focus on what I’m doing. I love my partner’s penis and I love to just adore it and just play with it, have fun. For me it’s not even about his orgasm. It’s about just absolutely adoring him and showing him that I love him and everything about him. And I may be exploring this way, up his body, down his body, wherever and eventually, sure, he may or may not orgasm, depending on whether we’re going to have intercourse. But it’s really about just having fun with it and really enjoy it.

Taylor: Let me just stop for a second. I want to get clear, before we get too far away, on something you said earlier.. The position where you’re on the table. Are you on your side?

Switnicki: On your back.

Taylor: You’re on your back? So, I’m looking at my kitchen table and I’m thinking if I’m on my back,  where is he?

Switnicki: He is standing beside the table in front of your head. Because if you’re laying on your back on the table, your head’s over the side, the edge of the table.
 
Taylor: Oh! My head is backwards?

Switnicki: Yeah. Like dropped down off the side of the table. Yes. Your head’s off the side. And that’s why a bed or a couch with a nice headrest can be a bit more comfortable because you want to support your neck.

Taylor: Right. Now how about for a man  to give a woman oral sex. What might be some fun positions for that?

Switnicki: Some fun positions for that are, again, if she’s on her back and in any position it can be a lot more comfortable for a lot of men if she’s laying on a bed, and maybe she’s scooched up to the edge of the bed – I guess “scooched” isn’t a real word –   but if she’s at the edge of the bed  where she has her butt sitting right on the edge of the bed and her legs perhaps are on the floor. She’s laying back on the bed with her feet on the floor, he can be kneeling on the floor because it can be tricky sometimes with a neck position and so he has like total freedom there. He can open her legs. He can lift legs up onto his shoulders. He can have them off to one side. Perhaps he wants to scoot down and just play with her bum. Any position where he can really have lots of full access. She could also be laying back on a couch, laying on a chair. Again, she can be on her knees and it’s sort of up to the woman because some women.. and again it’s communication. Some women love to orgasm on their knees. Some women have a really hard time doing that.  Some women like to orgasm standing up. Perhaps he can be on the floor underneath her while she’s standing, perhaps in the shower which is lots of great time to have great oral sex is in the shower. But some women–if you get to know your partner and the ways  that she likes to orgasm it can be frustrating for some women. I know I’ve had that situation where my legs are getting weak and I’m standing. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t do this standing up. I need to lay down.“ So often men are way more likely to come to orgasm while they’re standing than women. At least in my experience and from women I’ve talked to. So you want to be considerate of the woman because if you’re making her knees weak you want to make sure that she is not trying to put all her attention and energy on standing. She wants to be able to really get into what you’re doing and hopefully achieve orgasm, if that’s your aim.

Taylor: Okay. Well, I have a little bit more I want to ask you about that but we’re going to take a break first. So this is Dr. Patti Taylor and I’m with Kim Switnicki. And we will be right back. You can learn more about Kim at lionessforlovers.com. And I just want to say, we’re taking a survey of who you are as our listeners. so please go to personallifemedia.com, go to the Expanded Lovemaking home site and give us your feedback on who you are so we can know who you are and better serve you. So please stay with us. We’ll be right back.

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Taylor: We’re back and I’m Dr. Patti Taylor and we’re talking to Kim Switnicki about Sexy Positions for Sexy Situations. We have been talking about oral sex and I just want to come back for one question here. When a women is lying on the bed, a guy’s neck can get kind of tired in that position. What would you recommend? Would pillows help that out?

Switnick: Pillows would certainly be helpful. And also even just changing the position. As with anything in lovemaking if you’re in one position for a long time or you have some health issues, the easiest thing to do is just switch positions. For oral sex you can even rest your head perhaps on her tummy or have it on your side. You can also just switch to using your fingers.  If you’re performing oral sex on a woman, and I think you absolutely should be incorporating your fingers anyhow, but whether your fingers are inside of her,  perhaps playing with the g-spot or playing with her clitoris, you can kind of rest your head or your tongue or your neck and give yourself a break using your fingers and then you can go back and maybe switch to the other side and you’re kind of approaching her from the belly button down and then you can approach her from between her legs and it’s really handy, again, having her, even propped up if you’re laying on the bed, like you say with pillows,  prop her up with a bunch of pillows so she’s a bit higher and then you...Just experiment and play around and see what’s really comfy for you.

Taylor: That’s a great suggestion. Sometimes even a folded towel can get you a little bit of lift if a pillow is too thick.  You talked about g-spot and I know that’s one of your specialities. So how do we take advantage of using positions, our knowledge of positions, to give a women great g-spot stimulation?

Switnicki: The key with g-spot stimulation, because a woman’s g-spot is really at the front... is felt through the front wall of her vagina. It’s up sort of below her belly button, up in that general vicinity, so you want to have g-spot stimulation, so the penis needs to hit that area. And, unless you have a small penis, and I actually knew a woman who was thrilled that her lover had a three inch long penis and I know when she was telling me there were other women just gasping, saying “How can that be?” But it was perfect because it actually hit her g-spot where no other man had been able to do that. So bigger is not always better. You want to essentially approach from behind. That’s the key for the g-spot position. And so any position where a man approaches from behind such as doggy styles, where she’s on her hands and knees,  which is number one favorite. Spooning, where the man is behind the woman and they’re both laying on their sides. Woman on top is also good. Reverse cowgirl, where she turns around facing his feet. Again she can control the type of stimulation she’s getting and get that penis aimed in that right area. There’s also if he’s on his knees and then leans back, she can straddle him, which is kind of fun variation of woman on top,  Or again, he can be sitting in a chair with her on top, and you don’t want to forget the clitoris, and then you can have some fun combination orgasms. But it’s really any position that comes from behind.

Taylor: That sounds really juicy. What would you do if a woman doesn’t know where her g-spot is? What would you recommend?  I’m thinking there must be a lot of women going “ I love having doggy style but I don’t know where my g-spot is.”

Switnicki: Yes, yes and a lot of women don’t know why they love the doggy style but really it’s generally because they’re getting g-spot stimulation. If you want to experiment in finding it, if you lay on your back, if a woman is to lay on her back is one option and the partner puts their finger inside of you, nice and lubricated,  and does that lovely “come hither” motion, and moves their fingers quite quickly with a harder, tapping motion, aiming towards the belly button, and you need to experiment because it’s usually about a middle finger length in, two or three inches in, in behind the pubic bone...The woman needs to be aroused. That’s kind of the key. You’re not probably going to find it if you’re not aroused. Once you’re aroused the tissue swells and that come hither motion it’s a stronger tapping sensation because there aren’t the 8000 nerve endings on the g-spot the way there are on the head of the clitoris So it needs a bit more stimulation. And so he might need to go a bit to the right, or a bit to the left, a bit deeper, a bit sort of closer to the opening and he’ll find an area of tissue that feels a little different and you will notice,  if he’s tapping it strongly, you will notice a sensation and go “Oh. Okay. That feels kind of cool.” Not all women like it. Make sure your bladder’s empty. That’s a really strong suggestion. Is make sure your bladder’s empty.  For the odd women though, just like any rule I suppose there are some exceptions, some women like that sensation of having and they really like that feeling  So it’s individual.

Taylor: Well I’m really glad that you brought up the point that a woman needs to be aroused. I think there are some women that don’t like clitoral stimulation and go right for the g-spot. But there are a lot of women it’s like their g-spot sort of flowers after a spring rain or something. It only comes out when they’re aroused and they’ve been very upset that they can’t find it or their partner can’t find it. Well, they’re not aroused enough. And so if you’re having trouble finding it, either masturbate yourself or have your partner get you off or do something to get that arousal going because that may be the only reason that you haven’t found your g-spot.

Switnicki: And some women they find it and go “Ah. Okay. I can feel it.”  And it may not bring you intense sexual pleasure. It’s not a guarantee. You have a g-spot but for some women it just doesn’t really turn them on a lot.  and it may not be a permanent situation. It may be the time of the month that you’re having. It could be that maybe you need to hit menopause first. It may be that you just need to have your head clear. Because if you’re focused on it and trying to find it, you’re engaging parts of your brain that really help reduce the ability for you to receive pleasure so it’s kind of counter-productive.

Taylor: That’s a wonderful point. The g-spot really is just the bottom of the clitoris. The clitoris is really a big organ. So there really are a lot of nerve endings there.  So I also would say, if one approach doesn’t work, can they try going lighter or slower?  I think hard and fast is a good rule with firm pressure, but maybe some experimentation?

Switnicki: Absolutely. And using a toy, perhaps a g-spot vibrator. Using eggs or bullets or balls or something  vibrating inside of you while you’re having intercourse. Just getting the area stimulated. Because we’re all different. Our breasts are all different.  I mean, even our left and right breasts are different. So the g-spot is different on every women. And it may change throughout your life as well,  depending on also if you have health issues.  How aroused you are. It’s like with anal play.  You need to be really aroused to really enjoy anal sex. So if you’re not really, really aroused your g-spot is going to swell at different levels and sometimes you’re really turned on and a flick of your nipple is going to send you into orgasmic bliss and other times not so much. So it’s just being open and experimenting like you say.  Deeper, harder, softer. What’s going to work for you at that time. We’re complex creatures so we have to be kind of open.

Taylor: Great suggestions. So we’re going to take a little break right now to cool off. Run in the bathroom and go play with our g-spots and come back. Anyway, this is Dr. Patti Taylor and I’m with Kim Switnicki. And do stay with us. You can learn more about Kim, by the way,  at lionnessforlovers.com. L-I-O-N-E-S-S-F-O-R-L-O-V-E-R-S.

 

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Taylor: We’re back. And I’m Dr. Patti Taylor and we’re talking to Kim Switnicki about all kinds of fun things to do with your lover. Hopefully you’re getting inspired.  I know I am, just talking to Kim. So, let’s talk a little bit about toys. I love what you were just saying about putting a vibrator in, that sounded like so much fun. What can we do with toys that will enhance our positions?  Like what kind of a toy would you put in just to stimulate your g-spot?

Switnicki: Well there are certainly...any toys that you have any vibrator that you see out there in the world that has a curve on it or some sort of curved ending . I have a fabulous g-spot vibrator that has a big ball on the end of it,  it’s sort of an egg shape and it’s curved and then it has this egg-shape and it’s like a magic wand. Any of those curved vibrators are designed to hit the g-spot because it’s located in access through that front wall; you kind of have to hook in a little bit so it’s not just a straight path the way a penis would go. And so those curved vibrators are designed to give you that g-spot stimulation.

Taylor: They have so many vibrators out these days and dildos. It’s like going into a candy store.

Switnicki: And some people like the softer ones. Some people like the harder ones or the glass ones.  There’s just an endless variety of shapes and sizes and lighting up and glowing in the dark and all kinds of things.

Taylor: I want to talk about men for a minute. Men who orgasm too quickly. What would be a good position for them?

Switnicki: Men who orgasm too quickly there are a couple of things they can do.  And often woman on top he can hold her hips, which slows her down a bit, and he can also, I think personally, that if he’s allowed to lay back and relax, he’s not engaging all the other parts of his body and he can really concentrate and be present. And men that orgasm faster than they like often it’s recommended to them to try a de-sensitizing gel or cream. You can use a condom to slow down the sensation a little bit. I think that’s a really good temporary measure. And ideally what a man wants to ultimately work up to, in my opinion, is not so much deadening the sensation but being able to be present and controlling the sensation and enjoying all of the feelings that he’s having and being able to hold off and wait  until he reaches his orgasm. And I think that a good way to practice that is masturbation. And ideally you want to be practicing more often than less. Sometimes men don’t want to have sex because they orgasm quickly so they do it less and in fact you should probably do it more. And so, having a woman on top you can control her having your hands on her hips and slow her down and you can usually communicate, Even in a missionary position, virtually any position, if you can control the movement and can control her movement, because it’s great “I’m approaching that point of no return” and she’s just bucking around like crazy and still continuing the action  then it’s probably not going to help you and then it’s not going to probably help you and quicker than possible. But if you can control your thrusting and can control so that you can stop,  I certainly encourage men to practice masturbating ‘til they get close to orgasm and then stop.

Taylor: Well that’s a great...great ideas for that. Just to give equal time, how ‘bout for men who have a large penis? What’s something that really works for them?

Switnicki: And there are certainly... you can be sort of too large or too small for a partner. And I don’t know that it’s too large in general, but certainly if you have a partner and it’s uncomfortable  not so much unfair to say It’s just they’re well endowed and we need to adapt them for this particular partner. The vagina is only about four and a quarter inches deep. So a women really doesn’t  need to have 12 inches to feel full. So once she’s aroused, the vagina, uterus, cervix shift and tilt to allow that full penetration to allow for someone who is 5, 6, 7, 8 inches long or larger. So if you’re large, number one,  make sure your partner’s aroused. Like really aroused. Because if that shifting and tilting. it’s going to be really uncomfortable for her whatever position you get into. Make sure you have lots of lube. Lube would be critical, again even if you’re thicker, so large could be in length and certainly also girth if you’re really thick.  Have lots of lubricant. And approaching from the side where you’re spooning her. So if she’s laying on her side and you’re on your side behind her, approaching her that way and doing that spooning you don’t quite get in as full and as deep and so that can be really helpful. A missionary position where her legs are straight down. So you’re on top and her legs are straight laying down, so she’s pretty much straight up and down, you can have your legs spread open and her knees are up, so ...I’m just trying to...so if her knees are right up, I guess in the fetal position and then you have your legs spread  you have her...it’s kind of hard to describe sort of  from a...it’s getting kind of tricky. Let’s see. If you’ve got...we’ll stick with her laying with her legs straight out and then him on top.  Also, if you’re on your tummy,  the girl’s on her tummy, so she’s laying down again on her tummy, you approach her from behind, kind of like a doggy style only flat,  where she’s flat down, that way you’re also having a harder time getting that full, deep, deep penetration. And always one of my favorites, woman on top, and that way if the woman is on top she can control the depth and the thrust so she may not go all the way down on top of you, she’s only going to go as deep, hopefully, as is comfortable for her. So she can maybe lean forward or maybe lean back and then with her on her back, again, if the man’s laying on his back, she also lays on her back on top of him and then he can just slip his penis into her that way, in that direction. A little tricky and if you’ve got lots of lube it gets a little slippery. But if he’s quite long that can be awesome for both of you and lots of fun, as well. For something a little different. But you can’t quite get the but that way you can still be very satisfied and it’s pretty erotic having those two bodies rub together.

Taylor: I was going to say, I don’t have a large penis but I got turned on just listening to all those positions. So I think they’re probably good for lots of people. I wanted to take just a few minutes to find out what you do when you work with couples or if you have any stories or  you work with groups...just tell us a little about yourself and what motivates you. You obviously have tremendous information, there’s one very lucky partner out there. What lights you up about this kind of work and what do you do? How do you make this all work and be so much fun for you?

Switnicki: That’s a really great question and I thank you for asking that. I like to say that I offer fun sex ed for women. Primarily women are who I work with. And it seems that because over two-thirds of women have faked their orgasm at one point or another I find that it’s kind of a personal mission to really get rid of that statistic. I don’t know how successful I’m going to be but I’m trying it one woman at a time, and sometimes a group at a time. And if women can just relax and really find their sexual truth, and really discover what it is  that really turns them on, that really works for them. How often do they really want to be making love and do it for themselves and really look at their intentions. And what is it they want out of the relationship and really look forward to making love. Even if it’s once a month. That’s okay. If you can make love once a month and really be present and focused and have an amazing time with your partner isn’t that better than doing it every Tuesday and Saturday night and you’re sort of rolling your eyes and thinking about the shopping or the kids or the dentist or the soccer tournament or whatever it is else that’s going through your mind and he rolls over and you roll over and maybe you cry yourself to sleep, or maybe you masturbate quietly.  There’s so much of that going on. And I really think that if women get back to basics... and I essentially help them re-connect with their inner lioness and really connect with their bodies and what they really, truly want and what really turns them on and then allow them to bring that into the relationship with their partner so that they can have just some reality and have a sexual truth just based in their relationship.

Taylor: Well I love that you’re so motivated to turning on the world of women. I think our world would be a better place if your dreams get out there into the world. I just want to say your lionessforlovers.com is a great website. Some of your blog entries. I’m just going to read some off.  Don’t Worry Be Happy.  Rub-a-Dub-Dub.  Power of the Black Mask. Dip it in Chocolate. Sex Toy Etiquette. Pole Dancing. Sexy tips for Romantic Evenings. So you have a great blog.  And you offer an e-book too. A free e-book. And you’ve written a book. So I encourage our listeners to check Kim out. We’re going to have to bring our show to a close. Do you have one final thing you’d like to share, to send us all on our way?

Switnicki: Well I would really...what I want to do is  break the legacy of fear and shame and embarrassment that women unfortunately generally carry with them from their mums or their grandmothers or just historically and I think that healthy positive sexuality is everybody’s birthright and once the women of today can really grab a hold of that and model that then our daughters and their daughters will be able to have that healthy positive sexuality and the world will be, as you say, way better off.

Taylor: Well thank you very much. I know I’m totally juiced from talking to you and full of about ten new ideas so I’m just smiling from ear to ear. That does bring us to the end of the show, so thank you Kim.

Switnicki: Oh you’re quite welcome Patti. It was an absolute pleasure.

Taylor: It was a pleasure. It was totally fun. So please email me if you have any questions at [email protected]. I’ve already given you Kim’s lionessforlovers.com.  For text and transcripts of this show and other shows you can visit our website at personallifemedia.com And if you haven’t already, please visit me at expandedlovemaking.com where you can join my mailing list and find out more about my products, services and events. This is your host, Dr. Patti Taylor and that’s all for now.  I remain yours in ever expanding lovemaking and I’ll see you next week.                    

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