Episode 88: Secrets of a Temple Priestess for Men (Part Two) with Triambika

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In this show, Dr. Patti continues her conversation with Triambika. We begin with the conversation about men's erections. What could be more interesting to men, than how to feel and have more pleasure in their creative source? We entertain this topic from a Tantric perspective, and start with the challenge medically known as “delayed ejaculation”. Triambika offers a new viewpoint, as well as many useful suggestions for both the man and the woman for working with this situation. Learn how commonly she encounters this in her practice, and why she feels it will be a growing consideration for many men. Triambika and Dr. Patti then discuss premature ejaculation, also called ejaculation control, and how the use of breath can make a profound difference in learning to alter the outcome. Triambika gives us a beautiful breath exercise men can use to practice. She focuses on spreading energy while using breath. Learn, especially, to use heart energy in all aspects of interacting with your partner. She gives us a deeply inspiring example. Hear Triambika share her own beautiful insights on the union of sex and spirit. She then shares her vision of for her own journey ahead. An positively gorgeous pair of shows!

Transcript

Dr. Patti Taylor: Welcome to the Expanded Lovemaking show. I’m your host, Dr. Patti Taylor of expandedlovemaking.com and I teach you how to make exquisite love. This is part two of a two-part series. Today we’re going to be exploring secrets a temple priestess gives men. Now I’m going to say this one straight from the heart: no matter how good of a lover you are there’s always more to learn. Ideally, girlfriends get together and share what they know about how to please a man. But we don’t always have that social convenience in this busy day and age. But that doesn’t make the need for this learning any less valuable. So we’re so lucky, there’s programs emerging. Nowadays they teach women how to pass along these sacred temples arts, so their men can receive the many invaluable techniques of pleasure. So I want to welcome Triambika, want to welcome you back to the show.

Triambika: Thank you Patti.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Thank you. And for those of us just joining, you, you really ought to listen to number one first, but that’s okay. If you’re just hopping on right away, just briefly I’ll tell you, she’s a sexual healer, a coach who took initiation into Kashmir Shiavist Tantra, and she currently has a private practice in Santa Cruz, California. She teaches programs across the country to men and women in erotic spirituality and Dakini mentorship. So we’re going to just move right along here. We have explained these terms in show one, so I’m sure you’ll want to go back and find out what all that means. Anyway, we are going to move right along then and start talking about men. Dakini, I will define that. Dakini is an archetype originally of a great temple priestess, a goddess, healer, all of that, that any woman can learn to embody. And if it’s a man, it’s a Daka’s, so, but, but Triambika teaches a woman how to do this in the program we’re talking about. So what can a Dakini learn to teach men?

Triambika: Oh, there’s so much. There’s so much that we can teach men. I think that first and foremost one of the ways that we can show up for men is to really teach them how to be more present with women. There is a whole range of techniques and practices that men can learn to be more available to women in the ways that they need. And then there’s also all the techniques that they can learn for themselves to cultivate more energy, to have mastery over their ejaculations, to become multi-orgasmic. The list goes on and on.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Okay, so…Where would you start? Yeah.

Triambika: Where would I start? You know, it really depends. Men come to see me for a lot of different reasons, and I always start off with just finding out why they’re there and what their intention is. One of the, one of the primary reasons why men come to see me is to learn to have more control over their ejaculations and to be better lovers overall.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Okay, good. So lets just pick one issue. Lets start with ejaculation. What men doesn’t want to talk about that.

Triambika: Yeah, yeah.

Dr. Patti Taylor: I mean, maybe some, you know, someone, everybody wants it to be better, right? Or, you know, everybody wants better, but what is better? Longer, slower? I mean, I want every, I want my orgasms to be better. So lets talk about what kind of ejaculation issues should we talk about.

Triambika: Well, so there are, there’s a small population that have the opposite issue, which is  that they don’t ejaculate soon enough, and I try to teach those men that this is not an issue. This is not a problem, and it’s okay and you don’t always have to release, it’s not always necessary to release, to really just learn to enjoy the journey.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Okay, so that’s called a delayed ejaculation, isn’t that correct?

Triambika: That’s right.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Okay. I love that you’re bringing that up because that is so under reported in my opinion, and those guys really go through it, don’t they?

Triambika: They really do, and I think women have an expectation that the man needs to ejaculate in order for her to feel like she got, she did her job and, you know, she might feel inadequate, that she’s not hot enough or sexy enough to get him to go there. And it really, it’s not about the woman at all, and it’s not even necessary for a man to ejaculate, and that’s one of the things I really want to teach men is that it’s okay if you don’t.

Dr. Patti Taylor: So what percentage…Lets talk, lets talk number here. What percentage of your practice would you say men come in with this particular issue?

Triambika: It’s a small percentage. I would say, lets say out of, out of ten clients I might have two or three that have that as an issue.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Okay, well that’s not so small. That’s pretty significant, okay. And I’m just going to chime in, there could be a lot of reasons for that happening; medication that they’re on, prostate enlargement, right, so…

Triambika: Absolutely, and I usually get that out of the way first, is lets find out what, what kind of meditation, excuse me, medications are you on and what’s been going on with your health. Those are the first questions I ask.

Dr. Patti Taylor: So as we age, I think more and more people are, men are going to be having this as an issue, so, you know…Probably not such a bad, I think for everybody to take notes on what you have to say. So what do you, do you teach these men?

Triambika: Well I, it’s similar to a non-orgasmic woman, what I say to these men is to really come into their heart more. And in the session I really focus on deep intimacy, deep loving and connected intimacy where it’s not so much about making it hotter and faster and more stimulation, but more just deepening the heart. And the more men come into their heart, often times the quicker and easier it is for them to release and surrender their sexual energy.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Uh huh. So they actually can sometimes overcome that, it’s called a syndrome perhaps or issue, right?

Triambika: Absolutely.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Uh huh, by coming into their heart and letting go of the performance?

Triambika: Letting go of the performance and letting go of the intense stimulation…

Dr. Patti Taylor: Uh huh.

Triambika: that they feel they need to have in order to get there.

Dr. Patti Taylor: So I love what you say about coming into the heart. Why do you think that’s so important?

Triambika: You know, our heart and our sex are so deeply connected. I think it’s, it’s important to recognize that like, you know, the opposite of when we’ve been closed down in our heart, the rest of our body shuts down too, and sex is one of the first things to go. If you have made somebody wrong their whole life and if somebody has been in a very traumatic situation, through relationships, through divorce, or maybe through some childhood traumas, the body shuts down, and usually they’re equally closed in their heart and you can see it evident in their sexual energy as well.

Dr. Patti Taylor: So how does a man come into their heart? What are some of the techniques they might use?

Triambika: Well often times if a man is prone to over stimulate their sex organs, they, they need to chill out a little bit, slow everything down and really just feel what comes up when they meet a woman’s gaze, when they hold her, when they pause. And, you know, it’s so funny how we are rarely still in the sex act. We rarely take time to just stop, because in that stopping moment it is so intimate. It is so deeply intimate to just pause everything that you’re doing and be with the person you’re being with. So I really encourage them to slow down and feel all those, those subtle shifts that happen.

Dr. Patti Taylor: It is hard to really stop, isn’t it?

Triambika: Yeah, it is. It’s hard to, but it’s a beautiful practice.

Dr. Patti Taylor: I totally agree with you. I’ve often had the experience where I’ve said, “Slow down, slow down. No, no, half that speed. No, half that speed. No half that. No….Well that, like a tenth of that speed.” It’s like their brain can’t even register the motor skills that it would take to slow down, and it’s okay, you know, but it’s like to appreciate that it takes time to learn how to slow down, you know.

Triambika: Yeah, absolutely, and especially when you look at our, the pace of our life, nothing in our life tells us to slow down.

Dr. Patti Taylor: So if you’re the woman who’s the partner, what advice would you give to her? Or your Dakini’s?

Triambika: Well speak up by all means. But speak up from a place of excitement, that this would make you so happy and that this would be just wonderful for you, and this is how you’d like to see it or how you would like to experience it. We don’t speak up and we need to, and we need to complement our men on what they’re doing right.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Mm, I love that. I love that. And maybe they’re also maybe shut down in their hearts too, is that possible?

Trimabika: You mean the men or the women?

Dr. Patti Taylor: The women are picking up the man’s own frustration and, you know, kind of shutting down?

Triambika: Yeah, and, you know, because sex is such a taboo subject still in our society, they’re less inclined, the men are less inclined to talk about what’s really there if they’re even in touch with it at all. So I think for a woman to really be able to say what she’s feeling and how she’s feeling it and what would feel even better would be a great place to start because at the end of the day the men want to make her happy, they want to make us happy. They really want to.

Dr. Patti Taylor: So I can see why having, you know, this kind of education is so valuable, ‘cause it requires so many different skills, doesn’t it? The communication and the slowing down and the opening of the heart. It’s not just about getting your cock to behave the way you want it to behave, it’s all of these different skills.

Triambika: Absolutely, and all of it is encased in one thing, and that is presence. Just being present and cultivating presence in all of it.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Okay, well we’re going to take a break, so please stay with us. We’re talking with Triambika, who has a gorgeous website, ecstaticawareness.com, and you can find out about her teachings across the country and also her private practice in Santa Cruz, California. So please stay with us, we’ll be right back.

Dr. Patti Taylor: We’re back, and we’re talking about secrets a temple priestess gives men. Just quickly, what percentage of the, your clients come in for premature ejaculation. I hate the word because what’s premature, you know. There’s only now and it’s always the right time, but I don’t know, I don’t know, what’s a better word?
Triambika: Well they’re wanting to learn better control skills…

Dr. Patti Taylor: Okay.

Triambika: have mastery, life force mastery.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Okay, good. Those are the politically beautiful words.

Triambika: (Unintelligible). A huge percentage I would say. Like I was saying before, out of every ten clients, I’d probably say maybe eight of those clients are coming to see me.

Dr. Patti Taylor: For greater mastery over timing.

Triambika: Yeah. And premature, yeah, you’re right, it’s not, it’s hard to say what is premature. For some men premature means before even getting inside, you know. They’ve already ejaculated in their pants or when they first got touched. And for other men it just means, “You know, I just would like to last a little bit longer until she has a few more orgasms.”

Dr. Patti Taylor: Okay, and what do you teach them?

Triambika: So funny, the theme keeps coming up about slowing down. Looking at you’re, you’re habitual patterns around ejaculation and just how quickly do you move when you are…Sorry, not ejaculation, masturbation. You know, how, how quick are you moving when you masturbate, and what would it be like to just slow that whole process down? And the second component that is really, really key here is beginning to use your breath. If you notice when, men, when you are getting aroused and when you’re getting at those high levels of ecstasy, what’s your breathing like? Is it short and shallow or you’re not breathing hardly at all? And so, I teach men to use their breath.

Dr. Patti Taylor: How, how, what’s the success rate using the breath?

Triambika: I’d say it’s a lot.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Uh huh.

Triambika: A lot. I think that’s probably foundational along with a couple other components that I teach. But the breath helps us to take all of those sensations that are normally localized down in the genitals and begin to spread them out, to raise them up through the body, through the charkas and redirect those vital forces throughout our body. So the breath is probably the primary component here.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Okay. So is there some technique that you can just share with our listeners now, I mean, what they can just go home and practice right, tonight?

Triambika: Yeah, absolutely. I think, get rid of thinking about basketball or your grandmother. That’s not being in the present moment. So just wanting to start with that. A lot of men use techniques of, you know, thinking about something else, but that doesn’t keep you with the sensation and the experience. I would encourage the men to go home tonight and start to pleasure themselves slowly arousing sensations, feel what everything feels like. Really, really maximize on the subtle sensations that are caused by your stroking, by your scratching, by doing things that you normally wouldn’t do. And as you begin to raise your arousal levels, kind of getting up there on the scale and maybe getting just a little bit closer to ejaculating, slow down your pace a little and start to breathe in through your nose. Begin to imagine that those sensations down in your genitals are lifting up through your body, lifting up through your whole body. You can begin to feel those sensations rising up into your heart and all the way up into the crown of your head. And every once in a while you can pause at the top of your breath and let out a little sound as you exhale. That’s, that’s the first part of that practice. There’s more.

Dr. Patti Taylor: I love what you’re saying. It’s like the breath is the steering wheel of your orgasm. It’s like why would you drive a car without a steering wheel, right?

Triambika: I love that, yes.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Why would you have, I mean why would you have an orgasm without your breath involved, right?

Triambika: Right. Exactly.

Dr. Patti Taylor: That is so beautiful. So, so, and that alone would be a great practice, just that?

Triambika: That would be a great start, yeah.

Dr. Patti Taylor: If you do that every night for a week you’d probably be having way more control, huh?

Triambika: I would couple that with a couple of other practices, namely the exercising of the PC muscle, the Pubococcygeus, the muscles that lay at the pelvic floor.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Oh, the squeeze and, just squeezes?

Triambika: Exactly. And when I work with individuals I teach them all about that muscle group. I go into the esoteric reasons for wanting to exercise that muscle, as well as the physical.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Wow! Do you have any examples of some clients that you’ve worked with, some fun things? I always love hearing about the transformations that are possible.

Triambika: Yeah, you know, I worked with a man, I guess it was maybe about a year ago. He, it was kind of intense. He had been sexually abused by his mother and also had been verbally abused and, you know, lots of public humiliation from his mom. The guy had done the work. He’d been in therapy for years, so he had done the bulk of the work and, you know, had worked through a lot of the deeper psychological issues there with his mother. But he was still experiencing a combination of both erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation, and was having trouble finding intimacy in his, in his life and was a little afraid of women. We worked together about, I’d say, five or six times. He was one of my best students, he would do his homework. And I taught him a lot about how to be more present when the fear would come up around women, and, and how to really find stillness before he got too aroused, you know, to just slow down and really feel the sensations there. Like kind of get a hold of yourself before, before you get too high on the scale of arousal. We worked together and he started practicing regularly and he would report back to me. The last time I saw him he had met a woman, he was no longer having premature ejaculations, he wasn’t afraid of her, and he was communicating really well in what he needed in order to feel really good and safe in a relationship. So he found love, he found sex, and he found himself through the practices that we shared, and I just think that’s a great success.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Wow, that is real…That is a great success. That is, isn’t that amazing, you know, just to think that there’s more love in the world out of what you do?

Triambika: Oh yeah. It’s all about love Patti, it really is. It just comes down to love every time.

Dr. Patti Taylor: And then you think their love is rippling out, and who knows what that love is doing, it’s rippling out. It’s such a beautiful story. I, I just get, ooh, get shivers when I hear that.

Triambika: Yeah, and coming into the heart is, is a real big piece of, of this path. It’s, it’s everything. You know, I teach men to really feel their heart. If they reach out to touch me, I teach them that their hands are actually an extension of their heart. And when you think about it, when we’re babies in the womb our arms are kind of glued to our chest and our heart and they sort of emerge out from that place, so when we reach out to touch someone, just the very sense of touch and being touched can actually be an experience of, of giving and of showing up more fully and really loving someone through our touch. It’s so different when we as women are, and as men, are touched from that place, as opposed to from a real taking touch that, that feels like, you know, it’s just kind of grabbing at you to get something fulfilled. And so this is another big component of really showing up in that way with individuals and letting them really feel love and feel adored and feel seen. So, so often we leave that part out. We leave out the part about, “Hey, you’re a magnificent being and I’m just here to adore you.”

Dr. Patti Taylor: You know, I’m sure if you touch someone with that attitude, whatever happened after that would be completely magnificent, right?

Triambika: Yeah.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Orgasm, ejaculation, who cares, you know. Touch me with that attitude I’m yours, you own me, you know. I own you. We’ll go to the galaxies and back. That’s so beautiful. Well we’re going to take another break and, so please stay with us. We’re talking to Triambika, Triambika, and her website is ecstaticawareness.com, and I just want to say she’s doing some Dakini training and some other trainings in erotic spirituality, so if you have some interest in actually learning how to be a healer or to embody more of this or you want to send your partner who doesn’t, you know, to go learn this, you can learn more about what she does teach. Of course anyone who wants to send their partner I highly recommend you also go with them. But anyway, it’s all on her website. So please stay with us.

Dr. Patti Taylor: We’re back and we’re talking with Triambika about secrets of a temple, that a temple priestess gives men. So, we’re just talking about examples that you’ve observed. And I was really enjoying what you were saying about how the spirituality has kind of woven into what you teach, and I was just wondering if you had any more examples…

Triambika: Of how spirituality is woven?

Dr. Patti Taylor: Or just, you know, in your practice, just things that have really moved you and touched you deeply when you see your own training as a Kashmir Shiavist Tantrica, and, you know, sex and spirit are so sacred for you, and then when you see this work out into the world, maybe you’ll just share with us just something you’ve seen just manifesting out into the world.

Triambika: You know, one of the things that comes to mind is that in Kashmir Shiavism, because it’s a non dual path, nothings inherently bad, and nothings inherently good for that matter. You’re not going to get brownie points to go to heaven and you’re not going to burn in hell if you do something wrong. And everything that we do is, is for the purpose of cultivating our energy, cultivating more presence, cultivating more awareness of the divine. And so, this really supported me in my journey to let go of the guilt and the shame around being a sexual being, around being embodied in my arousal and my sexuality. It’s strange, but, you know, even after doing a lot of work on this, we still have a lot of guilt, a lot of shame about really embodying that and taking that on as a life path. So, so when I turned to my sexuality and teach my students to do the same as a way of awakening, as a way of enlightenment, it’s really with the idea behind it that by really honoring ourselves and honoring this energy as whole and pure and sacred, that we are actually cultivating more life and more connection to source, to the divine. That it’s when we have all that guilt and shame and, oh my goodness, the mind pattern that go into our limiting beliefs, that actually we deplete ourselves. Just by, just by engaging in those thoughts sometimes, we deplete ourselves. And so that’s the antithesis of what we want. We want to cultivate more, more connection, more union, and sexual energy is just one of those areas that has either gotten a really bad rap or in many traditions has been like the source of total oneness, of total enlightenment.

Dr. Patti Taylor: And so here you are totally liberating yourself and other people in an ongoing way, and just really putting beautiful ripples out into the world.

Triambika: Beautiful ripples out into the world, that really is my vision, too. It really does start with, with one person at a time and, you know, I believe that when people come to see me they will, and I teach this to the Dakini’s as well, is that, you know, in that moment they come to see you and they leave there, and that’s one less person that will be mean to their kids that night. That’s one person with a little less road rage or with, you know, with just a little bit more of a smile on their face that will then permeate to the next person and to the next person and to the next person. So, I see global viewing in this work.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well I’m deeply, truly inspired by listening to what you just said. So thank you. I want to find out a little bit about your vision, moving forward from here.

Triambika: Moving forward from here… It’s interesting Patti, you know, technology is an interesting tool. And part of what’s moving forward for me is to begin to bring the teachings into a format that can be heard in people’s homes all across the world. So that means, you know, different medias and developing content and products that can be downloaded easily on someone’s computer. So that’s kind of like the, the material side of what, what’s up for me is just developing more, more tools and products that, that can be distributed.

Dr. Patti Taylor: A big cheer goes up around the world as we hear that. Yay!

Triambika: Yay!

Dr. Patti Taylor: More, more, more, more, more.

Triambika: One of the things I’m really excited about right now is the Dakini mentorship, and as you mentioned I have one coming up in May, and from…

Dr. Patti Taylor: Yeah, May 15th, 16th, 17th in Oakland, yes. Please continue.

Triambika: Yeah, and so it’s, from there I’m going on the road. I, I’ll be going to Florida in the Fall and up to the northern East Coast further along in the year and developing second level trainings where Dakini’s can not just learn the tools of the trade, but also deepen their own practice in tantra and in their own spiritual path. So I’m real excited about that. The erotic spirituality training is, is just a force to be reckoned with. That’s, it’s a time where men and women come together. We have a disrobing ritual. We have an experience of our own bodies and of healing that is not so much about whether you are a man or a woman, but more just really beginning to love our self more and more and explore our erotic nature. I also have a Daka Dakini training intensive coming up in Sedona the first week of April with the Sedona Temple, and I’m teaching that together with Baba Dez and Robyn Lynn, and that’s going to be a very powerful experience for individuals who are wanting to learn to become sexual healers, men or women, and also do some of the internal work themselves to get past their limiting beliefs and move past, you know, emotion and other things that they feel blocked in, that they can really show up as healers for others.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well, I’m very excited for you, and I want my listeners to know on Expanded Lovemaking, you heard Triambika here first, up and coming rising star. So, sounds like you have some amazing things going on for you, and I know we’ll just continue to see more and more from you, and I’m just thrilled and excited that your word is coming out into the world. So I want to thank you for coming on our show. Once again I want to invite you to leave us with a few parting words for us to just enjoy for the rest of our day.

Triambika: What’s coming to me right now is to find your center. Find what feels really good to you from a place of centeredness, and really feel into yumminess and juiciness and mm, yes, desire, and let that be a force of power for you. Let your desire for anything be a force of awakening for you, but doesn’t necessarily mean we have to go out and get it, but just to know that our desire is potent and powerful and very much sacred.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Wow! Thank you, thank you, thank you. Our desire is sacred. Well on that note I’m going to bring our show to a close. Thank you so much. You can find out more about Triambika at ecstaticawareness.com. With that I’m going to bring our show to a close. Thank you all for listening. I’m going to ask my listeners something here; if you’re enjoying the Expanded Lovemaking show I’d love to see our show get featured, and if you’d love to write me a review, to go onto iTunes and write a review for our show. You can do so anonymously. Just search under Expanded Lovemaking. So thank you for doing so. And please send me email at [email protected] For text and transcripts of this show and other shows on the Personal Life Media network, please visit our website at personallifemedia.com. Also, please visit me, Dr. Patti Taylor, at expandedlovemaking.com where you can join my mailing list and find out more about my products, services and events. This is Dr. Patti Taylor. That’s all for now. I remain yours in ever expanding love, and I’ll see you next week.