Episode 6: Sex is Not a Four Letter Word with Gary Douglas

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Dr. Patti Taylor interviews Gary Douglas, founder of Access for Energy Transformation and author of the book, Sex Is Not a Four Letter Word, But Relationship Often Times Is. In this episode Patti catches Gary Douglas in Sonoma, California, between sessions at his four-day course, Beyond Orgasm. Gary asks us to imagine our lives and bodies as the truly joyous, sexual, orgasmic, extraordinary places we always knew they were. He challenges us to consider what gloriously judgment-free sex looks and feels like, and gives us some extremely hot and juicy examples! He reveals how to free ourselves from the barriers that keep us from immersing in the rapture of sensation, and that keep us from having the maximum amount of fun with every sexual encounter. Gary emphatically encourages us to make both our personal lives, and the world, more wonderful by being the fully orgasmic gift that we are. Can we live this way full-time? Find out on this show!

Transcript

Sex is Not a Four Letter Word: Dr. Patti Taylor Interviews Gary Douglas

Announcer:  This program is intended for mature audiences only.
Dr. Patti Taylor: Find out the real royal road to great sex, what really turns men and women on, and it may not be what you think.  Discover your orgasm as a gift to you, your partner, and the world. 

Welcome to the Expanded Lovemaking Show: how to move from climax-type orgasms to extended orgasmic pleasure lasting from five to forty-five minutes or longer.  I'm your host, Dr. Patti Taylor of ExpandedLovemaking.com, and I teach people how to give and receive way more pleasure than they ever dreamed possible.

Gary Douglas: Orgasm is the willingness to receive the level of intensity that your body and your partner can create energetically, that allows you to achieve an expansive capacity for total communion and awareness of all things around you, within you, and everything that is possible to be.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Today we have an amazing guest with a unique approach to having way more fun with sex using awareness, relaxation, and sensitivity.  Our guest is Gary Douglas, founder of Access, an organization dedicated to the transformative power of consciousness.  Welcome Gary.

Gary Douglas: Thank you, Patti, it's nice to be here.

Dr. Patti Taylor : Welcome, Gary.  It's great to be here with you.  I might add, we're catching Gary during a four-day course, here in Sonoma, California, entitled “Beyond Orgasm”.  Gary is known for being the founder of Access Energy Transformation .  He travels the world delivering a variety of courses and workshops. 

He's the author of several books, including Sex is Not a Four Letter Word, but Relationship Often Is.  Gary is also creating an ever-expanding array of media products, including articles, books, CDs, and DVDs, to bring the presence of consciousness into everyday life.  Gary, I'm pleased to have you with us today.  I think our listeners really care about having way more fun with sex and want to know how that's possible.  On our show today, we're asking Gary Douglas just how we can go way out there, and use consciousness itself to bring us to those far reaches of ecstasy. 

So Gary, I want to talk to you about what is Access, and what does it have to do with sex?  What is orgasm and beyond?  And what can our listeners do today to have way better sex?  Can we start?  What is Access consciousness, and what does it have to do with sex?  Our first question is, What is Access consciousness?


Gary Douglas: Well, the thing is, if you access more consciousness in your life, what it does is give you a sense of real presence, the ability to be present in whatever moment.  If you're going to have great sex, you gotta be totally present.  I know everybody's had the experience of being with somebody who, like, all of a sudden... yeah, you’re not sure you have anybody in your hands, you know. It's like, has this person gone away, where have they gone, where are they?  So what we try to help people with is the ability to be present in every moment of their lives, and in life. 

What would life be like if every moment was orgasmic?  You know, it's like, I've eaten orgasmic food, and went to a molecular cooking place that was in Nashville, and they did this amazing food, where they keep it at a temperature that solidifies the different proteins in it, and the end result is when you get this food, it is the most amazing taste you've ever had in your life, and your body feels like it's having an orgasm the moment you put a bite in your mouth. 

And it's like, it is just this incredible sensation that your whole body starts to vibrate with the intensity of the molecular structure of everything.  And if our lives were lived from that intensity of the molecular structure of everything, in every moment, would life be greater than it is today?  And if that's not the way you're living, shoot yourself, you might as well give up.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Okay, so that's what Access is.  It's that intensity, that presence, that vibration, that's what you're teaching, and is that something that's possible to have in every moment of our lives?  I mean--

Gary Douglas: Yes, it is possible to have in every moment of our lives, and one of the difficulties is that we, as the people we are, it's like, probably most of the people that are listening to this are actually humanoids, okay, and one of the things we're discovering in Access is that there's basically two species on the planet.  They look alike, they dress alike, they talk alike, but they're very different. 

The thing about a humanoid is, they tend to be in judgment of themselves all the time, and wonder what's wrong with them, and why they can't be, you know, more orgasmic, why they can't have more out of life, why life isn't more expansive, what else is there possible?  And they're always looking for something else.  They always feel somehow feel dissatisfied, like there's not enough in life. 

And then there's the humans, and the humans, they live in a constant state of judgment, and if you just give up all that searching and swill a beer, and start with your couch potato on, and watch TV for nine hours a day, you'd be fine.  And that's not where a humanoid lives. 

I'm not saying that humans are bad and humanoids are good.  What I would like people to get is the difference between them and others.  And the one thing about humanoids is they'll look at themselves in the morning and go, oh the reason I can't have sex is because I'm too fat, I'm too big here, I'm too little there, I don't have a long enough-- schlong, I don't have big enough breasts, I don't have a big enough butt, or my butt's too big, my breasts are too small, you know, and they'll sit in judgment of themselves instead of going, okay, so what would it be like if I could actually be received? 

And the thing about humanoids is more than anything, they want to be received.  And receiving of course is the major portion of what sex is, you know, and copulation, are really about.  And money, too. 

It's like, you can't have sex, you can't have copulation, and you can't have money unless you're willing to receive.  And so much of what we're taught here is about how we have to do sex as an exchange. If I go down on you, then you have to go down on me.  Is that really the way it should be?  It's like, I've personally have had the experience of going down on a woman for anywhere from one to four hours, and having the most orgasmic experience of my life.  The flavors, the taste, the touch, the places where the sensations open up, and this energy exchange that is really available to you. 
When you have this energy exchange going on between you and your partner, it's like all of a sudden there's a new possibility, and you come away satisfied even if you haven't, “gotten off”.  Because it's not about your orgasm from the other person -- you're receiving an orgasm, or having an orgasm.  It's about the energy that's exchanged during orgasm.  If we could have this energy exchange in orgasm, why couldn't we have it in every aspect of our life?  And we should be able to have that.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well, Gary, I'm sure that many of our listeners would love to be having the kind of orgasmic life and the kinds of orgasms that you're describing, and the judgments are getting in the way.  So what can we do to start getting rid of those judgments?

Gary Douglas: Well, first of all, you've got to realize that, you know, as a humanoid, you pick up everybody else's thoughts, feelings, and emotions all the time.  So ninety-eight percent of your thoughts, feelings and emotions don't belong to you.  And all of the no-sex you're having doesn't belong to you.  And you could really have a lot more sex if you were willing to get rid of the judgments.  What it requires is going through a little process called, “Who does this belong to?”  And if you did that for three days, with every thought, feeling, and emotion you had, you'd do, “Who does this belong to?”, and if it lines up that it's not yours, return it to sender.  If you do that for three days, at the end of that, you'll have this quiet place in your universe, where there's nothing going on. 

And the other thing you want to do is when you get into judgment, you know, it's like one of the things that happened for me a lot is that I would feel a lot of these judgments in sex, and performance anxiety, and am I good enough, you know, am I doing this right, what should I be doing?  And it was a great gift to discover what I was really picking up was my partner's points of view, their thoughts, and their judgments of them, that they weren't going to be able to do it right, they weren't going to be good enough, they weren't going to be great enough, and you know what?  When you finally realize that none of these things belong to you, that's when presence with your partner begins.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well, what might happen if I followed your suggestion and started saying, “Who does this belong to?”, and realizing that all these thoughts in my head about sex that are coming in from media, from my conditioning, as you're suggesting, are not mine, and just returning them to sender?  What might I find or, let me just ask you, what did you find after you got down to what was left?  What was left, after you returned all those thoughts?  What was there, in your presence, what was it like?
Gary Douglas:  What was there... well what it was like was being a walking, talking meditation. And it's like literally, the presence and the ability to be present gave me this awareness of the sensations and the feelings in my partner's body.  I could actually perceive more in other people's bodies, their bodies would say touch me here, do this, feel this, touch here, you know.  It's like, and so, I would get direction from their body about what to do that would give them and their body a more fantastic orgasm.  And the end result was, sex was a whole lot better.

Dr. Patti Taylor:  So you -- wow, so you knew just where to touch them, and did it feel better to you also?


Gary Douglas:  It felt better to me as well, because it’s like, one of the things that happens is, is like, once you get rid of all these thoughts, feelings, and emotions, suddenly you can be aware of what the person you're with, what their body is telling you.  It's like if their body says, okay, I need a little extra energy over here, then you can, you know-- say they say, okay I need some energy on my back.  So you tuck your hand underneath them and you hold their spine. 

Maybe they feel-- you know, a little touch on the pubic bone, and you do that, and suddenly you find that they're almost having an orgasm just from touching these places.  Because their body desires so much more than they usually get.  You know, it's like, one of the things that we've done a lot of work with is, men have been taught never to receive in sex, they've been taught to give and to do.  So the end result is they have huge performance anxieties, so a lot of the things that I think cause impotence have to do with the fact that we have all these judgments about, oh my god, I'll never be good enough, my penis isn't big enough, I don't know what to do with it, I haven't had as much sex as this person, I'd have to have a lot more sex before I'd know what I was doing. 

None of which are your points of view.  Reality is that you as an infinite being should know everything.  What if you were willing to know exactly what their body wanted, exactly where it wanted to be touched, exactly how it needed to be touched, and what was truly possible for them as well as you?

Dr. Patti Taylor:  So it's not that you would be a mind reader, it's like you would be a body reader and an energy reader?

Gary Douglas:  Yeah, well, one of the things we looked at is, it's like, basically what it boils down to is like, if you masturbate, it's like you really, if you are truly present with your body, then you feel all the sensations in it.  It's you, the infinite being, and your body, which has its own consciousness, so it's like you're having a partnership with someone else, you and your body, that's two people, and, you know, two beings involved in it. And then when you get together with somebody else, if you're lucky, the other person is so present with their body that you're having a menage-a-quatre, you're having four people involved, you're having two bodies and two beings involved in this amazing possibility.  When you start to function from there, everything starts to expand.  One of the things we're really interested in is, how do you expand your orgasmic base?

Dr. Patti Taylor:  So how do you expand that base?


Gary Douglas:  Well we have what we call-- we talk about it as the seven fountains of orgasm.  And basically what it boils down to is, as a humanoid, you really, you know, it's like, our bodies are designed so that you have a sympathetic nervous system and a parasympathetic nervous system.  The sympathetic nervous system is designed for the fight-or-flight thing.  Now, what that is supposedly involved in is creating ejaculation and orgasm.  You have to go to the adrenaline pump or fight-or-flight to equal orgasm. 

One of the things we've discovered is as a humanoid, you can do this from your parasympathetic nervous system instead, and what creates arousal is the relaxation of your parasympathetic nervous system.  So what we encourage people to do is to experience this seven fountains, as we call it.  Because what happens is, you build up this intensity of energy as you start to come close to climax, and instead of contracting, and you can start to feel the energy contracting as you start to go here, you feel the energy contracting, expand out.  Now, often times with a man, that means they lose their erection. 

And it's like, instead of getting all upset and thinking there's something wrong, when you expand out, and you build the intensity and the energy again.  And then you fill up the next pool, and that overflows with expansion into a bigger pool.  And after about seven times of doing this where you expand before allowing orgasm, what occurs is when you hit an orgasm from total relaxation, it's just about like having your toes turned inside out, upside down, and backwards all at the same time, and you can't imagine how much fun it really is.
Dr. Patti Taylor:  Wow, and all of this comes from just returning all the judgments to sender, and then going into the relaxation?
Gary Douglas:  Exactly so, yeah.
Dr. Patti Taylor:  Wow.
Gary Douglas:  And it's like going into the relaxation and not allowing yourself to contract to achieve orgasm, realizing that it's not a necessity.  Of course the good news about that is you don't suddenly collapse and go to sleep after you have an orgasm.  You're ready to get up and go some more.
Dr. Patti Taylor:  Right.  Now, I notice since you're just doing this all with awareness, I haven't heard you mention anything about breathing techniques, or whatever.  You've cleared your thoughts.  Do you just-- do you stay clear, or do you have to keep clearing them?  How does the awareness come in?


Gary Douglas:  Well, at different times you'll find that you need to, you know, what we call P.O.C. and P.O.D., go to the point of creation of the thoughts, feelings, and emotions, or the point of destruction of the thoughts, feelings, and emotions immediately preceding your judgment or your decision, or whatever it was that keeps you confined in this area. 

Occasionally you'll have to do that, but for the most part, it's like as you begin to recognize there's a different way of doing it, and as you begin to practice, and I highly recommend that you practice all the time, either alone or with someone else, either way. 

But practice it.  As you do this, the sensations that you begin to be aware of in your body, grow exponentially, and you suddenly begin to realize, you know what, this body's a pretty cool thing.  Instead of having judgments of it, and how it's not, you begin to find out what it really is, and you know, it's like, our bodies are sensory organs, they're designed to give us all kinds of information. 

But because of the awareness that we have as little kids when we come in, we start shutting it down because it's almost overwhelming how much information we have, and nobody validates that information as being correct.  They tell you it's your imagination and you couldn't possibly know that.  Difficulty for little kids is they're highly sexual, up until about eight years old when people start slapping them for putting their-- you know, putting their hands on those body parts, and you know like, what we're interested in, how do we get you out of those places where you've been told, no that's wrong, don't touch that.

Dr. Patti Taylor:  So by dropping the judgments we can learn how to reclaim what's ours anyway to start with.

Gary Douglas:  Yeah, and that's the thing.  It's like, a lot of the techniques that they teach you in tantra and all these-- you know, all these other techniques, they're great.  But they don't actually give you total connection to your body.  Their way of overcoming the judgments that we've bought, and that we've assimilated, and that we've perceived, and thought were ours, but when you erase them, suddenly there's a whole new body available to you.  You begin to find out what an extraordinary thing your body is.  And how you can create it differently, and how you can use it differently, and how there's a different possibility with it that can expand every area of your life, as a result of it.

Dr. Patti Taylor:  Well this sounds very exciting.  I want to follow up with this.  We're going to take a break to hear from our sponsor.  We will be right back, so thank you, Gary Douglas.

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Dr. Patti Taylor:  Okay, this is Dr. Patti Taylor.  We're here with Gary Douglas from Access.  And we're talking about orgasm and beyond.  Let's start with some questions about Access consciousness, and what it has to do with orgasm and beyond.  So, Gary, how do you define orgasm?

Gary Douglas:  Orgasm is the willingness to receive the level of intensity that your body and your partner can create energetically.  It allows you to achieve an expansive capacity for total communion and awareness of all things around you, within you, and everything that is possible to be.

Dr. Patti Taylor:  Gee.  That's a little different than the Masters and Johnson's definition.  When does it start and where does it end?

Gary Douglas:  Well, hopefully it never ends, but it starts as you become more aware of your body, you know, it's like, and the thing is it's like, for us, our point of view is, if we can get you to the point where you can realize that your life should be orgasmic, that every moment of it should be the ability to receive all the energies around you, to be aware of them, and not have to reject anything, but to be able to allow it to be what it is, then you start to receive more in every aspect of your life. 

And then the food you eat becomes something, you never pick a bad restaurant. You never have a bad meal.  You seem to have more money than you had before, and you don't know how it happens.  And everywhere in your life, you begin to see that life is a celebration, not an escape to death.  Which is where the majority of the world functions from.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well I am thinking now, I am totally turned on by all of that, and I'd like to get into some specifics now, if we could delve a little more deeply.  The standard orgasm is, you climb, you climb, you climb, oh, it feels so good, you go over the edge.  What would the orgasm, say, in your definition, how might that go?  Let's say a couple is together, what would an orgasmic experience look like?

Gary Douglas:  Well, there would be this climatic, you know, it's like, it climbs, and then relaxes and expands, it climbs, you relax and expand, you climb, and you relax and expand.  And with each expansion, you receive more, not only of your body, but of their body, of the awareness, of the smells, of the taste, of the touches.  All of that becomes more intense, and the idea is if you increase the intensity of the energy, when you finally have your ejaculation or your climax, instead of it being something that ceases the energy of your body, it actually expands the energy of your body. 

What it does when you start to work from this place is, you can have sex for anywhere from four to six hours, get up the next day, work all day long, twelve hours, come home that night, do six hours to eight hours of sex that night, go to work the next day, work twelve hours, come home that night, you know, spend six to eight hours having sex, and go to work the next day, and have twelve hours of work, and you still feel like a million dollars.

Dr. Patti Taylor:  Wow, well, sign everyone up to this program.  Now you've probably worked with lots of couples that have probably made this shift.  Can you think of a story of maybe a couple that you've seen change the way they have sex, and maybe how they could apply-- how they have applied this?

Gary Douglas:  Yeah, actually there was a young couple that got together through orgasm.  And this lady had been about four hundred pounds, and she'd lost a hundred and seventy pounds, and she was still at about two-forty, and she got together with a man who's a bone and a hank of hair, you know.  I guess I can't say he was a boner and a hank of hair, can I?  But, at any rate, they got together and they, you know, and they tried to create this, and what they found is that they both had huge judgments, him of his-- he had judgments about his performance. 

He was a very good-looking young man, you know, extremely good looking man, and he had been invalidated for not being enough his whole life, and thinking that he was just his looks.  So that constant state of the projection that, well you're just a pretty face, you're just a pretty face, lost him his sense of confidence in himself.  What sounds strange to people who “aren't pretty”, but you know what, beauty-- you know, everybody will tell you beauty is only skin deep.  But reality is, beauty is one of the assets that we may endow ourselves with when we come in.  But we don't see it that way because we get everybody else's point of view. 

So at any rate, he didn't have a lot of self-confidence.  Now, of course, he'd been hit on a lot by men, so he wasn't sure about his sexual bent, because you know, it's like, if you're young and you're pretty, you know, a lot of men who are gay think you're young and pretty, and want you.  And he had a lot of women who thought he was pretty and young and they wanted him.  But they didn't want him.  They didn't see him.  They weren't present with him.  They saw only his looks. 

Now this lady, cause she was so heavy, thought she was ugly and, you know, and terrible and awful-looking.  So she had no confidence as well.  So with the Access techniques of getting rid of the judgments, and the willingness to start to expand this place where they could feel each other's bodies, explore each other's bodies, without judgment, they have created a great sex life.  And the end result is, they're having a constantly expanding possibility with their sex life.  They've been married almost three years now, and they get happier every day, and they're willing to allow the other person to be who he is, you know.  She's willing to allow him to be who he is, he's willing to allow her to be who she is, and they care for each other to an extent very few couples I've ever seen, accomplish.
Dr. Patti Taylor:  Yes, I've actually met this couple, and it is astonishing to see them together.  You know, we talk about the dropping of judgments, and I think for our listeners, I would love for you to get into maybe a little more detail about what some of these judgments might be.  Maybe about not only looks and body type and such, but even about the roles of men and women, and maybe what it's supposed to look like when people have sex, and you know, because there's so many levels of judgments and since it is these judgments that is getting in the way of what is fun, and what it is supposed to look like.  I think if people could hear some concrete ways that these judgments are--

Gary Douglas: Sure, so one of the things is that, you know, that I discovered is that most men learn about what sex is supposed to be from their friends who don't know anything, or their friends who've watched porn flicks.  And so all they learn is that it's about force, violence, you know, bam, bam, thank you ma'am, that's enough.  And you know, I'm going to have, you know, rocket sex with this girl and I'll pound her head through the headboard. 

Well, for a humanoid, that's not a reality, that doesn't work for them, because they like things slow and seductive, and sexy, and they like to lick and suck and get right in there with every part of the body and, you know, it's like if you start this process with going--.  Okay, so it's like, I'm going to do a full-body orgasm. 

Okay, so here's the way I would start.  I'd ask my partner to lay down, face down on the bed.  And I'd start at her feet, and I'd touch them so lightly that her body would almost start to vibrate and reach up to feel the touch.  And I'd move up to her ankles, real lightly, gentle, gentle touch, as though my fingers were feathers. 

And I'd smell those ankles, because they have different pheromones, and those pheromones turn your body on.  And then I'd move up her calves, to her, you know, to her knees, and touch her knees so lightly that she could almost not stand how delicate the touch was.  And her body would reach out for more sensation.  And I'd smell the calves-- you know, I'd smell the back of her knees, because those pheromones, too, turn your body on. 

And then I'd move up to her thighs and her buttocks, and I'd be real gentle and, there, and I wouldn't necessarily go into trying to do anything sexual at that point, except maybe running my tongue between the butt cheeks, and then smell the small of the back, and the amazing difference between each one of these body parts turns your body on. 

And then move up to her, to her back, and feel all those places and down her arms and into her hands, and smell each and every joint, because each and every one elicits a different pheromone.  Run my hands up her, you know, up the back of her neck and into her hair, and feel all that real lightly, so lightly that her body is like, almost creating goose pimples to reach up to feel the touch.  And then I'd ask her if she would like to turn over.

Dr. Patti Taylor:  So this is why aware sex would take four to six hours, because no one in their right consciousness would want it to take any less than that.

Gary Douglas: Exactly so.

Dr. Patti Taylor:  Exactly so.  Now I understand that humanoid men kind of make it with women on the basis of being very kind and loving and attentive, and that breaks another stereotype, is that correct?


Gary Douglas:  Yes, because a lot of the judgment, you know, it's like, a lot of women are told that what's exciting is a man who's dangerous and uses force and violence and that edge of violence is exciting and attractive.  But humanoid men aren't dangerous, they're nurturing.  They're caring, they're joyful, they're expansive, they are creative.  They're interested in caring for you, nurturing you, and expanding you and your body. 

And it's like, that can be very exciting for a humanoid woman, because she's looking for somebody who's like that.  But a lot of what our judgment is, is that a nice guy is no good.  A nice guy is too gentle, he's too sensitive, oh well if he's nice he must be gay.  If he's, you know, if he's sensitive and aware of things, then you know, he must be gay.  Those are all judgments that a lot of men have to deal with.

Dr. Patti Taylor:  Well I don't know, all my girlfriends seem to be looking for someone with a slow hand and an easy touch that doesn't come and go in a heated rush.  But I do think that a common misconception out there, well how about the humanoid woman?  Are there any misconceptions about her out there, Gary?


Gary Douglas:  Yes, there are huge numbers of misconceptions out there.  One of the things about a humanoid woman, which is very interesting, you see, it's like, the humanoid man waits for the woman to give him the sign that it's a go.  You know, she has to say, come on honey, it's time for you to get down on your knees, that kind of thing.  You know, and it's like, he's waiting for that, because he was taught, that when a woman says no, that's no.  Now, a human man says no, well that doesn't equal no, that means go. 

And so, humanoid women, on the other hand, are actually far more aggressive.  They don't want to be passive.  They don't want to sit back and wait for a man to come after them.  They want to be willing to go after a man.  And the unfortunate thing is, they've been taught that they're supposed to wait and they're not ladylike, and you're a slut or a whore if you're willing to go for it, and that's really not a humanoid quality.

Dr. Patti Taylor:  Yeah, and so the tragedy is when men and women have these judgments, neither one of them are having all the fun and pleasure they could be having.  And so what's this about having the fun in sex?  I mean, should we be having more fun?


Gary Douglas:  Well one of the things about doing, you know, doing sex from this place of expansion is, more often than not, when you achieve orgasm, and climax, you laugh, because there's this sense of joy in your whole body, because your body likes the fact that it has this expanded energy.  It feels incredibly good, not exhausted, not done-in, not complete, but expanded and ready to go, and there's a sense of joy in it that so often leads to laughter, it's kind of funny. 

And actually it should be that kind of fun.  And you know, it's like, I know everybody's had at least one experience of having fun sex, where they were able to laugh, where the laughter was part of the thing.  One of the things that we've discovered is, laughter releases more charge than crying does.  You know, and it's like, I one time went to bed with a girl who cried all the time, who was really, you know, and I could just go, it'll be okay honey, it'll be all right.  Like, and it sort of killed the moment for me. 

So, but the women who can laugh and can enjoy it, and it's like, when you, you know, it's like when you use your tongue like a butterfly on a clitoris, and touch it so lightly that it just sends somebody over the edge, often times they break into laughter.  It's a great experience to, you know, it's like it's a great experience to have a woman laugh into orgasm, or laugh from an orgasm.

Dr. Patti Taylor:  Well thank you, Gary Douglas.  We're going to take another quick break to hear from our sponsors.  I will say this, you can find out more about Gary

Douglas and Access at his website, which is accessconsciousness.com.  So, we will be right back.  Please stay with us.

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Dr. Patti Taylor:  We're back, and I'm Dr. Patti, and we're talking to Gary Douglas about a unique approach to having way more fun with sex.  You can send your email to [email protected].  Before the break, we were talking about orgasm and beyond.  Gary, I want to ask you now, about how to have way better sex, and I will say way more fun sex.  So, what can we do to have way more fun during sex?

Gary Douglas:  Well, the one thing you've got to realize is, we could do sex where it had no meaning, where you weren't doing sex so you could get relationship, which is where most women go, or doing relationship to get sex, which is where most men go.  If you could actually be there, be present with your partner, and not ever expect it to go beyond that moment, then you could have more fun. 

You know, it's like if we didn't have the meanings of what sex is, if we didn't have the significance about what sex is, then we have a greater capacity for presence.  Because if you're not expecting to come back and do it again, you're going to be present enough in the moment to have everything that's possible to get, right then.  But people all the time are going, okay well, you know, it's like, I gotta wait and see whether it's going to be good or not, because if it's not good then I'm not going to be here, so I won't give everything.  I won't be vulnerable, I won't allow myself to receive totally until I know he's going to receive, and you know, it's like-- and all these insane points of view that we buy into and try to take from others.  What we do is we lock ourselves down with that.

Dr. Patti Taylor:  Okay, I can understand, who wouldn't want to have a zipless fuck.  However, how on earth does one achieve that in reality?  I mean, you know, let's get real.  Is that really possible to achieve, and, I mean, on an ongoing basis?  How could one really accomplish this?

Gary Douglas:  Well, for the most part, no, it isn't accomplishable, okay, you know?  Not... it's like, yes this is where we should be able to go.  Is this where we can go?  No.  I personally have had experience with about four people where that was possible.  And they were so grateful for what they received in the process of having sex that afterwards they went, you know, that was great.  And I said okay, I just want you to know, I can't do this again. 

The difficulty for me is being the “leader” of a group, okay.  They try to put me in the guru status, and so many of the people that want to get involved with me, want to become a queen of Access, or the princess of Access, or the, you know, whatever they think they're going to get, or the most conscious one.  Well that doesn't really work for me.  So I am very clear about the fact that, you know what, this is a one-time only deal. 

And the one thing I've discovered is, you know, it's like you can have sex once, and it can be for fun.  The second time, you're in a relationship.  The third time, you're getting married.  And people go, oh, you don't know what you're talking about.  But you know, this has been proved more than once, and I have had people try to prove me wrong more than once, and you know, I'll come back, and you know, they have to pay me.  Because one of the things I tell people is if you think what I say, if you think that I'm full of s-h-, then you have to pay me a dollar when you discover I'm not. 

So I've earned about, so far I've earned about three hundred and fifty dollars from people who've come back just on that one thing.  And they've tried to prove me wrong, with the one-two-three, but they always come back saying, you know what, you're right again.

Dr. Patti Taylor:  Well I think a lot of couples would actually pay you like, a million dollars, if they could drop the judgments when they sit across from each other, and the life force has gone out of their passion for one another.  Because that's actually kind of sad, when they really want to feel those hots for each other, but how do you just, you know, to tell them, oh just let go of all meaning and just have the sex, and sex doesn't mean anything.  Are you serious, Gary Douglas?

Gary Douglas:  I'm serious, but however, we do have processes that we use with these people to get them to recognize a different choice.  Because the difficulty is this.  It's like, this: let’s say you created a judgment that your partner was not good enough, okay?  So what you do is because you don't want to judge him, you turn it against yourself and say, oh, he doesn't like me, he doesn't want to be with me, he really doesn't want to touch me, and all that kind of stuff.  Well the reality is, it's your judgment of him that you've twisted into a judgment of yourself, so you can justify the rightness of your judgment of him, which logically makes no sense, but it is what locks us all up. 

So, we have processing that we do to help unlock that place where you've created a judgment, that creates the limitation for you and for him.  And the end result is that all of a sudden, people have, without any effort, a return in the desire for one another. 

I have one couple. She came to do Access, and she started doing Access, and we have this seven-day program in Costa Rica, and she came to the seven-day program.  When she came back she and her husband started having sex again for the first time in ten years.  They'd been married for seventeen years.  They stopped about after the seventh year, not uncommon, by the way.  And they started having sex again. 

So then he came to Access to find out what the heck had caused that.  And now they're having more sex, they're having a better life, they're having more fun together, and their life is expanding in really joyful ways.  And their kid who was, I can't remember what he-- oh yeah, I think he was about fourteen when he started.  He has come to some of our Finding the Truth of Sex classes. 

And last time I saw him at one of these Costa Rica trips, I said, okay, so have you gotten laid yet? And he goes, uh, you know, it's like I've had really lots of opportunities, but you know what?  That stuff you talk about, about finding somebody who actually nurtures my body, well you know what, it's not that important to me, and I'd rather wait for somebody who actually feels like they'll nurture my body and make me feel good. 

I was stunned.  Seventeen-year-old awesome-looking studly young man, you know, has women after him all over the place, and he was not willing to sell himself for sex.  He wanted somebody who was actually going to nurture his body, and nurture his soul.  This is a very different place to come from, when you come to the point where you're needless for sex, then the sex you have can be extraordinary.

Dr. Patti Taylor:  Wow, that is truly so empowering.  So when you get to that place beyond judgment, you're not judging yourself, your body parts, who you are as a person, or whether you deserve it, and you're not judging your partner.  So where are you?  Where do you go to?  Are you just in that place, as you said before, of pure feeling?  Can you describe it any further for us?

Gary Douglas:  Well, one of the things for me is like, you know, it's like I was really always very attracted to the woman who was the demon bitch from hell.  And it's like if she was a demon bitch from hell, I could see her across five hundred yards, and I would suddenly be, you know, ready to go.  And what I realized is I needed to look from a different place. 

So I asked my body to tell me what would nurture it, what would be good for it.  And so I went to a swap meet, and I was walking around, and you know, all of a sudden I felt this tug and my body said “this” and I turned around, and here was the ugliest woman I ever seen in my life.  And I went, geez, you want to be with ugly people. 

And I walked on a little farther, and there was somebody else it tugged to, and I turned around and it was a gay man.  And I went oh, you want ugly gay men.  I didn't know I was gay.  Okay.  I walked on a little farther, and I felt another tug, and I looked around, and here was this little old lady with her, you know, walker, just hobbling along, and I went... ugly, gay, geriatrics.  Okay, I'm confused now. 

And a little bit further on, I felt another tug and I turned around and here was a little kid.  Ugly, gay, geriatric pedophile.  I am totally confused!  And all of a sudden I went, wait a minute, oh!  All of these people have one thing in common. 

This energy is what's going to be nurturing to you.  So sense then, I look for that energy.  When I feel that energy, that's somebody I will consider having sex and copulation with, because I know that my body is going to come away feeling great, not diminished, and so many of us choose people that actually diminish us instead of making us feel great.

Dr. Patti Taylor:  Wow, well, I really feel so inspired when I think about having a more sexual life.  In a place that's judgment-free and aware, because there's so much that's possible.  I mean, there's just literally millions for myself, millions of judgments of every shape, size, and form, I mean, how many judgments do you think the average person has?

Gary Douglas:  Oh, probably a God-zillion.  That's a number that's so big only God knows how big it is.  But it's like everybody has these judgments that we picked up from others, the ones that were delivered at us, the ones that we see on television, in the media, about how you're supposed to do sex, and how you're not supposed to do sex, and how you're supposed to want it, and how you're not supposed to want it. 

Of course, when you're a kid, you have a lot of sexual energy up until about eight, so it's like, you think about sex all the time, and you're willing to look at everybody's body parts, and you just think they're curious, and isn't that interesting.  And then everybody says, no, you can't touch that.  And then you get to be, you know, an adult, and then you're supposed to want it, which creates incredible confusion for people.

Dr. Patti Taylor:  But these judgments can be cleared, and I've been working with Gary for a while, and I've only seen miracles myself from the people that have cleared just eons of judgments that they've made. 

So we're going to be coming to a close soon.  I'd like to ask you one final question, Gary.  What would the world be like if people were having transformational sex, people all over the world, and how might that show up making life better for us on a personal level?

Gary Douglas:  Well if you actually lived without the judgments that create unvaluable sex, and you started to live without judgment of any kind, I think you'd have a hard time having wars.  I think you'd have a hard time not caring for people.  I think you'd have a really hard time not nurturing the whole world, and you'd be willing to see how the consciousness that you have is valuable, and the one thing that we try to work on with people is to see that they are the gift of orgasm, ejaculation, and copulation, and if they are being the gift, by being present in their lives, they change the world around them.  Because the most seductive thing in the world is someone who looks at you without judgment.

Dr. Patti Taylor:  Well, thank you very much.  You can find out more about Gary Douglas, his book, Sex is Not a Four-Letter Word, But Relationship Often Is, on his website, which is accessconsciousness.com and it's been a pleasure talking with you today.

Gary Douglas:  Thanks so much Patti. It's been fun.

Dr. Patti Taylor:  Yes, it's been really wonderful.

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