Episode 14: Prostate Massage: a Fun and Sexy Path to Pleasure with Erika Thost, M.D., Founder of SexyProstate.com

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In this amazing show, Dr. Patti talks to Dr. Erika Thost, a leading spokeswoman, researcher, and pioneer, as she advocates for greater male pleasure coming from stimulation of mens' prostates, or "male G-spots". Dr. Thost, founder of SexyProstate.com, shares with us valuable information on how we can begin to explore and reap these exquisite pleasure benefits for ourselves. You'll discover how the male prostate is now in vogue, as couples and singles everywhere are discovering its rich potential for delivering amazing quantities of pleasure, health benefits, and even opportunities for communication between couples. Learn what challenges Dr. Erika faces as an MD bringing this knowledge out into the world, and catch her inspiration as she shares her delight in the beauty and power of giving these experiences, and then teaching about them. She'll go into detail, detail, detail, we promise! You'll discover, inch by edge, what lies within... and be inspired, we hope, to put these practices to use. Dr. Erika shares about the vulnerability, communication, and tenderness that make the physical technique most meaningful. She includes suggestions for single men. Anal massage can lead to prostate orgasms! Now, learn how anal orgasm allows men to reclaim this often-neglected, but pleasure-rich area of the body. Find out how women, too, are deeply empowered as givers of this experience. Finally, learn why Dr. Erika feels that giving these massages is also a positive gift to the entire world!

Transcript

Prostate Massage: a Fun and Sexy Path to Pleasure: Dr. Patti Talks to Erika Thost, M.D., Founder of SexyProstate.com

Announcer:  This program is intended for mature audiences only.

[intro music]

Dr. Patti Taylor: In this awesome show, you'll learn all about the ins and outs of fun and sexy male prostate massage.  Learn how this male G-spot can bring a man fabulous amounts of pleasure, and help control, expand, and extend orgasm.  It can even feel amazing to women.  Find out how to give one, and even how to ask for one.

[music]

Dr. Patti Taylor: Welcome to the Expanded Lovemaking Show.  I'm your host Dr. Patti Taylor, and I teach people how to give and receive way more pleasure than they ever dreamed possible.  Today on the show, we're talking about male prostate massage, a fun and sexy path to pleasure.  Our guest is Erika Thost, M.D., creator of the sexy prostate CD set.

Dr. Erika Thost: The stretch of the anus is such that you have the external sphincter, the opening, and there's tons of pleasure.  I mean, you can just massage there for half an hour and they'll be ecstatic, and that can be the lovemaking session for the day.  And as you go in a little bit, that spot that I think you were talking about is the internal sphincter.  It's another ring of muscle, and it's almost even a little bit more intimate and makes a sense of excitement when it's penetrated.  And that even can be very satisfying to the man right there, and then the prostate is past that.  So I think we all get the picture that there's a lot of fun to be had down there.

Dr. Erika Thost: What you're doing is also, you're creating a pattern.  The man already associates pleasure with his penis, and now we're teaching--there's a learning that anal pleasure can be associated with sexual pleasure, and that prostate sensations can be associated with sexual pleasure.  And just like when we first learned about our G-spot it helped, and it still is wonderful, to have a lot of clit as well.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Dr. Thost helps men and women expand their lovemaking by learning all about the prostate, also known as the male G-spot, and how to give and receive exquisite pleasure to this area.  So welcome, Dr. Thost.  I'm so glad you could make it here today.  Can I call you Erika?

Dr. Erika Thost: I'm happy to be here too. 

Dr. Patti Taylor: Erika is a medical doctor who focuses her practice on sexuality and therapeutic prostatic massage.  She lives on the central coast of California and teaches workshops around the country.  I'm so glad you're here with us today.  I think our listeners will be fascinated by what you have to say because so few people are talking about the subject, especially passionately, the way you do.  Yet this is an area capable of bringing so much pleasure to a man and also the women who can give him this pleasure.  And so we're really glad to hear what you're going to tell us.

Dr. Erika Thost: Well actually, Patti, it turns out--and it's so funny, the whole topic is funny--we're going to keep laughing, right?  You can't talk about prostate, or butt, or male G-spot, without giggling.  So we'll just let the giggling happen when it does.  And our listeners can too.   However, it turns out that the real G-spot is the hot new topic for heterosexual couples.  The guys are really, really curious about it.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well good.  It's wonderful.  So let's get started.  What is the prostate?  And how do you massage it?

Dr. Erika Thost: OK.  So the prostate is a spot inside the anus that men have towards the front that, if you ask most people about the prostate--men and women--when they're young, they'll say "oh, I don't know, you know, whatever", and when they're older, they say "well, it causes trouble".  Well, my mission is to say the prostate is way more than that.  The prostate is the man's other sexual organ, and there is a lot of pleasure, a lot of ecstasy, to be had with the prostate, and possibly more improved health.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well, you're a woman.  Why is it so important for you to be talking about a man's prostate.

Dr. Erika Thost: I'll tell you.  It was not my choice of specialty coming out of medical school.  It just came to me.  I just started getting really interested in the prostate, and I realized that men are neglected.  I feel that there is so much learning to be done with the prostate, and it's not happening.  We women, we've had a lot of focus on our G-spots, and on our clits, and how to pleasure them.  I mean, you yourself made that wonderful DVD, Expand Her Orgasm Tonight, which I've loved for years, and it's served women well.  But what about the guys?

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well, thank you very much for that acknowledgement.  And I know coming out for me, talking about orgasm, was quite a risk.  Female orgasm, when I came out with that was kind of chargy, to go to a cocktail party and say what my new DVD was about.  I'm wondering, what is it like for you as a medical doctor, and as a women, to say "yes, I have a CD out, it's called Sexy Prostate".  What is the response you get from men, and what is it like being a medical doctor and coming out about this topic?

Dr. Erika Thost: That is a very cool question, Patti, because I end up talking to urologists whenever I have the chance.  So I've talked to several dozen so far--I just grab them and make them talk to me--and not a single one of them had heard of the concept of pleasure via the prostate.  So I am in that interesting situation of educating my peers who are more specialized than I am, which is definitely a tricky situation.  And I love the possibility of getting to do that as well as educating regular people.  Everyone--I want to spread the word.

Dr. Patti Taylor: So, do you have any concerns, as a medical doctor, that people are going to have judgments on you, that "oh, what are you doing, talking about the prostate, what is a doctor doing with this"?  Do you feel like you're carving new ground?  Is this a vulnerable thing for you at all?

Dr. Erika Thost: It is a vulnerable thing, and thanks for giving me a chance to talk about it.  Most of those M.D.s are male, and it's easy to get intimidated.  And I do find myself getting shy, and sort of saying "can I really do this, can I be talking about the prostate, and where the prostate is located?".  And then once I start talking, there's something about--maybe because I'm a woman and I do feel comfortable about it, deep inside--that once I get going, everyone around me seems to be OK too.  They may be laughing about it, but that's fine.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well, there's a reason that--I think enthusiasm is a very infectious thing.  So there's something you're very enthusiastic about that you're clearly conveying to these people.  So what's the upside, if you will, of having a prostate massage--or, can you call it an anal massage, or is it a prostate massage?  And what's the benefit that you are conveying to get so excited about?  Because clearly this is something you are deeply passionate about.

Dr. Erika Thost: Well, I am on a mission for the guys to realize that they have a male G-spot just like us women got to realize that a couple decades ago.  And actually, Patti, I need to do a little aside here.  It turns out that when women ask me "why would guys want this?", and I say to them "well, you know how you discovered your G-spot, and at first it wasn't that pleasurable--it's a learned pleasure, you have to experience it for a while?".  And they look at me and they say "well actually, Erika, I haven't ever actually felt my G-spot--we really don't actually work on my G-spot, my partner and I, because we haven't found it".  So Patti, you and I really need to do another podcast on how to find the woman's G-spot.  There's been a lot of talk about it, but it actually is not happening as much as one thinks.  But anyway, so for why to do this....  Men have always known that the penis is a great source of pleasure for them, and it is so cool for them to discover that inside, in a vulnerable place, in a taboo area, there is another place that also gives pleasure, and it's a pleasure of a very different kind.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well thank you, yes, and I think you are right that the female is considered the equivalent of the male prostate.  So could you tell us a little bit more about this male equivalent of the woman's G-spot?  I think that has to be amazingly exciting for the men, and I agree with you, I think that men have been quite underserved as far as getting to examine this area.  And I have to tell you that I'm just as excited as you are that you're on this show and bringing this information to men and coming out in the open and encouraging these explorations.  So please, tell us more.

Dr. Erika Thost: About the female G-spot--it's actually trickier to find than the male G-spot, because to me it's more a thing that you find by the woman telling you what she feels as you're exploring with your fingers.  However, the male G-spot, the prostate, is a discrete spot inside there, and it's very easy to find.  And as I say on my CD, you really do have to do this carefully and with focus.  You don't want to just be shoving a finger in there.  He is not going to like it, and it's not going to work.  However, the fact is that with the proper way to do it, you insert a finger into his anus so that he enjoys it, and as you slide up the front of his body you will find the prostate an inch-and-a-half or so inside.  And it's not hard to find.  How cool is that?

Dr. Patti Taylor: That's really exciting.  So there is a rainbow at the end of this--I mean a pot of gold at the end of this rainbow, and it's an easy one to find.  Well, what does it feel like?  Is it a walnut kind of thing here?

Dr. Erika Thost: It is.  It's got that, like, half of a walnut, like a butterfly.  Two lobes with a little indented line in the middle.  Now you can't always feel that indented line.  However, as you slide your finger up, you will feel that edge.  Sometimes, some men have more connective tissue over and some have less, so it can be more prominent or less prominent.  One word of caution is, when you first touch the prostate, you want to touch it so lightly that you may not even realize that you're touching it.  It can be super, super sensitive.  And one more really great thing that can happen is, as you have your finger on the prostate, if you're just resting there--which is enough to start with--sometimes you can feel his pulse just like you can feel your pulse at your wrist or your neck.  And to me, that is just so sweet and so connected.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Ooooh, I'm jealous.  I want my prostate stroked.  Oh wait a minute, I can't have my prostate stroked too.  Well, I want men to have their prostates stroked.  Now you can actually stroke the external prostate as well, fortunately, so we don't have to go right inside right away, do you?  I mean, we can start with the outer one, if I'm not mistaken.

Dr. Erika Thost: Great point, Patti.  And the external prostate is between the scrotum and the anus.  It's that flat area.  It's also called the perineum, or some of us call it the "tain't", because "it ain't the front, and it ain't the back", and if you push there, it can also have that nice effect of delaying a man's ejaculation if he wishes that.  And if you push there and very slowly and gently rub and hold, there will be some prostate massage via that.  However, the tricky part is, in order to get the full benefit of the external massage, it actually is easier if the man has experienced the internal one first because then he can identify the feeling better.  And secondly, therapeutically--if you're doing it partly for his health, which I think is a very good thing--the external one is not really going to do that.  If I want therapeutic benefits for the guy, as a physician--and I do his prostate massage for that purpose--it really has to be an internal one.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well, that's a really juicy tip, and I don't know how it could get much better than that.  But believe it or not, therapeutic massage can actually be done on the prostate.  It's actually good for you--and I know you're a medical doctor--isn't it true that they actually recommend doing this for a number of therapeutic reasons?  In terms of health benefits, in terms of keeping your prostate healthy?  We're going to go to a break soon, but just quickly, aren't there numerous healthy things for extending the life of your prostate?

Dr. Erika Thost: Well, I want to first say that it's mostly about pleasure.  I want to really emphasize that.  And yes, it's great for when the prostate becomes enlarged, for healing that some and reducing symptoms.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well, thank you.  I've heard all kinds of rumors that--maybe many guys are just telling me this--but I've just heard all kinds of reasons why men want to get their prostate massaged.  Maybe after the break I'll see if these are true, or if I was just being fed lines.  I don't know.  But anyway, we're going to take a quick break to thank our sponsors.  We're talking with Dr. Erika here.  She does have a very informative set out.  It's called Sexy Prostate, and you can find out more about this on her website, sexyprostate.com.  So please stay with us.  We will be right back.

[16:00]

Dr. Patti Taylor: We're back.  This is Dr. Patti Taylor, and we're talking with Dr. Erika about sexy prostate massage.  Just to complete on that thought, you were saying that there's no direct evidence--it's a little difficult to study--but what is it that the urologists believe now in terms of healthy prostate massage?  Is there a therapeutic benefit?

Dr. Erika Thost: Well, the interesting thing is that with the current crop of urologists that are practicing, prostate massage is actually not in vogue.  They will not do it when the patient comes into the office and requests it.  That's part of why I have my practice, because men do like it for various reasons.  For prevention, as you say, or for helping improve their prostate health when they're having symptoms.  Now, it would be very difficult to study whether prostate massage helps to prevent cancer.  That would be a really long-term study and it has not been done.  However, all those urologists that I'm always button-holing and asking them about it, every single one of them thought that it would be a good thing for the man's health if done cautiously and gently and with care.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Huh, "button-holing", I like that.  OK, one more question.  Can you describe what a good prostate massage for pleasure--let's go back to pleasure now--might look like?  Give us a kind of graphic walkthrough.  Let your fingers do the walking, I guess.

Dr. Erika Thost: OK, this is one of those things where I'll tell you as much as I can in the timeframe.  And there really is more detail on the CD, and I feel safer when people have all that detail.  That said, the key part to making a prostate massage really rock is you've got to get him turned on.  So actually, oddly, the key part to making a prostate massage work for the guy is for him to have a genital massage at the same time.  So you will have--maybe to begin with--both hands on his penis caressing him with tons of lube.  My recommendation is a silicone because it doesn't dry up.  And then as your hand starts wandering down towards his anus, you keep the stimulation on his penis going the whole entire time.  His erection may come and go, and that's fine, but the pleasure has got to keep going.  And then the other key part is, you spend a long time caressing the outside of his anus, and then you never, ever, ever push inside his anus without asking first.  You ask "may I come in?", and then you wait for the answer.  And only if the answer is a clear "yes" do you gently go inside.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Wow, that's really hot.  I'm getting turned on.  I'm guessing, though, that's because you're stimulating the man's genitals, and that's getting his anal nerves all stimulated too, and just opening up that whole area.

Dr. Erika Thost: What you're doing is also, you're creating a pattern.  The man already associates pleasure with his penis, and now we're teaching--there's a learning that anal pleasure can be associated with sexual pleasure, and that prostate sensations can be associated with sexual pleasure.  And just like when we first learned about our G-spot it helped, and it still is wonderful, to have a lot of clit as well.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Yeah, because there are a lot of nerve endings down there, and I know when men learn to stimulate a woman's G-spot, we're often taught to expect that when you go in there, there are a lot of associations that can come up.  And so you do want to go slowly and carefully and really take your time going in, because everyone's going to be different.  We're all connected up--you know, the heart, the mind, the body, the spirit--and everyone is different, and when you go into anywhere where there's a lot of nerve endings, I guess having the pleasure going is just going to ensure that whatever comes up gets worked through.  I think expanded orgasmic states is a great way to have whatever wants to get worked through get worked through so that the pleasure can open up and get worked through and so you go into the pleasure....

Dr. Erika Thost: Exactly.  Exactly, that's it, Patti.  You got it.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well, let's talk about the cautions that we might need to take while we're feeling really good.

Dr. Erika Thost: Yes, it's really important to do this safely.  This is a practice that is new to many people, and so I feel it's very important to be careful and err on the side of being too cautious.  One very important caution is not to use any kind of drugs.  Sometimes people use poppers or other kind of drugs with the hope that it will relax the anal muscle, and I say "no".  He can learn very quickly, with some massages, to relax the anal muscle consciously, and you want to wait for that.  You don't ever want to force anything.  If you need drugs to do this massage, then it's not a good time to do it.  The other thing is, you always want to use a lot of lube.  Those tissues are very, very fragile, and the anus does not create its own lubrication like the vagina does.  And the other really important caution is, believe it or not, this whole thing is supposed to be fun.  It's supposed to feel good.  If it does not feel good--if there is pain--you stop right away.  Something is not right if there is pain.  Some people feel like, if you're going to go inside the anus it's going to be painful, and that's just how it is.  No.  The anus loves being pleasured.  And if you do it right, pleasure is what you get.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well, you heard it first from Dr. Erika here.  I just want to add a few things--and this is just from my experience--I've seen my share of butts in my day.  I'm happy to say that rarely have I met a man who hasn't just loved me forever for honoring that part of their body.  So, a couple of things.  I love using gloves, because I find that I'm more slippy-slidy when I go in, and I love the ability to just throw off the glove.  I find it's much easier for me to just throw off the glove and feel that I've just washed my hands, because even though I use antibacterial soap afterwards, I just like the feeling of gloves, and so I use the gloves.  That's the first comment I wanted to make.

Dr. Erika Thost: I agree, gloves are really convenient, and if it's a partner that you're practicing safer sex with--if you're not fluid-bonded to this partner--the gloves are also part of the safer sex practice.  And I totally agree with everything you say, that you can just slip off the glove and then everything is clean and tidy.  And that said, I just also want to say that if, for intimacy, or if they're right there in the shower together and there is no glove handy, for fluid-bonded partners it is physiologically and bacteriologically OK to do this with a bare hand if they wash well after.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Yes, yes, good.  I have done it without the gloves too.  But I actually prefer the gloves.  It's actually more slippery, and there is no natural lubrication up there.  The other thing I just wanted to add is, I am astonished at how different men's responses are, and I've never really tried to psychoanalyze it, but I've seen some men take three fingers up there the first time they've ever done it and just go "wow, this is really cool", and I've seen a man who, I just put the little tip of my finger up there, and he's like "oh my god, this is as much as I want".  And I would say they both had as much pleasure.  So there's a huge degree of variation in what someone finds pleasurable, and I just wanted to acknowledge that as well.  And I think you must have a comment on that.

Dr. Erika Thost: I totally agree.  And that's one of the things that's so cool about exploring the prostate together as a couple.  Since there's not a road map for how it looks--like, for a lot of stuff, we watch the porn movies, so we feel like we need to look like the porn movies--well, for prostate massage, it looks however it looks for the two of you.  And that is such a great exploration together, and it promotes intimacy and strengthens the relationship.  And also, with what you were saying about differences, I think it is very important to acknowledge that sometimes men have emotional reactions--when their partner's finger is inside them, feelings may come up.  It may be love.  It may be sadness.  It may be excitement.  It may be even anger.  And the partner that's giving the massage has to realize that these feelings are not about her.  This is old feelings that he's getting to work through.  And for her to just keep her finger there, look at him, breathe with him, and just stay there, and let him have this process.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Mmm.  Wow.  So... deep breath.  So, back into the depicting of all this, we entered and were looking for the prostate.  The prostate is all the way up at the end, right?  So assuming that we're doing this exploration, we've got the lube, and let's say that we're wearing gloves and we've gone in, and let's say we're going very slowly.  And some fingers might make it half the way up, and some might make it all the way up.  Would you just kind of paint the picture a little more of what an average experience might look like?
Dr. Erika Thost: Now let's talk about some things one wouldn't expect would come up...

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well, how about maybe an average experience?

Dr. Erika Thost: Well, an average experience is a thing that might be challenging.  And one thing that's really odd is that sometimes it can be tricky to find the actual anal opening.  That your finger is wandering around there and you say "oh, geez, where is it?.  So it's totally ok to push a little bit and say "am I in the right spot?" and he'll let you know.  So just so you know that that's normal.  And the other thing is that sometimes when he's in an odd or unusual position, you get your finger in there and you say "where was that thing?".  So if you just remember that it's on the penis side of his body.  It's actually where the tissues that are inside his penis are way connected inside--that's where it is.  So you look where his penis is, and the prostate will be on that side inside him.  And it's about an inch or two inches inside.  The lower edge will be easy to find with you finger, for most women, for most partners.  My fingers are short, so sometimes I have a hard time reaching the far edge.  So that's where it is.

Dr. Patti Taylor: And what does it feel like to you?

Dr. Erika Thost: To me, it feels firm.  You actually run into an edge that feels different from everything else, and then there's that kind of a smooth surface that can be a little bit wrinkly because of the colon wall that's over it.

Dr. Patti Taylor: And I've often noticed that half-way in there's often another sensitive spot.  So sometimes, you don't even have to go all the way to the prostate.  That some men--you want to mention something about that?

Dr. Erika Thost: The stretch of the anus is such that you have the external sphincter, the opening, and there's tons of pleasure.  I mean, you can just massage there for half an hour and they'll be ecstatic, and that can be the lovemaking session for the day.  And as you go in a little bit, that spot that I think you were talking about is the internal sphincter.  It's another ring of muscle, and it's almost even a little bit more intimate and makes a sense of excitement when it's penetrated.  And that even can be very satisfying to the man right there, and then the prostate is past that.  So I think we all get the picture that there's a lot of fun to be had down there.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Wow, Dr. Erika, you sound a lot like I do sometimes.  I think you and I would be very popular on a double date with a lot of people.  Tons of pleasure to be had down there, huh?  Of course, we spread it all throughout our bodies, minds, hearts, and spirits, don't we?

Dr. Erika Thost: And that is where the prostate has amazing possibilities.  As the woman is sitting there with her finger or fingers, depending on what he wishes, inside him, and she's caressing his penis with the other hand, she can look into his eyes, and she can move that other hand--yeah, he'll get a little lubey--up to his heart, and there's the connection of the eyes, that she loves him that much that she's willing to try this rather unusual sexual experiment with him, and that they're both making themselves vulnerable by going to this place together.  That is a huge bond, a wonderful connection for the relationship.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Yes, and as you said too, it's an exquisite feeling for the woman to actually feel the feelings coming through the prostate, or even just anywhere, when you're feeling those contractions and the pleasure coming through your hand as you're giving that pleasure.  I know when I'm doing it, I'm feeling all that pleasure through my hand, and it's absolutely an intensely pleasurable feeling for the giver, the woman, too.

Dr. Erika Thost: Yes, actually, let's talk about what's in it for the woman.  But before that, I just want to make really clear that often with the first few prostate massages, the actual touch of the prostate may not be pleasurable.  It may be weird.  It may be deep.  It may make them feel like they've got to pee.  It may be sort of unsettling.  So it's just important to acknowledge that.  However, the pot at the end of the rainbow is that often a man's ejaculatory orgasms will be more intense following a prostate massage, and that will happen even before they may actually be having prostate pleasure itself.  So there's a big incentive.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well, we're going to take a break in one moment, so I'm just going to ask you one question and then we're going to go to a break.  And then I'm going to ask you about the woman more.  The question is, I don't think you've really portrayed yet--just what does it really feel like to the man?  Now, I know you're a woman, but what do you think it actually feels like to the man to actually have a prostate orgasm?

Dr. Erika Thost: Well, first of all I think he feels really loved because he's been globally loved from inside and outside.  And secondly, I think it just can go through his whole body, it can go through his heart, it can make his body tingle.  And if he decides to ejaculate during it, BOOM, there are fireworks.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Wow.  I want one, I want one.  OK, I lied.  I'm going to ask you another question.  Can he use this prostate massage to extend his orgasms?

Dr. Erika Thost: Oh, wow, now there is a big topic.

Dr. Patti Taylor: OK, we'll save that.  We're going to take a break now to thank our sponsors.  We're talking with Dr. Erika.  She's the author and creator of a CD set, Sexy Prostate, and you can find out more about her at sexyprostate.com.  We'll be right back.

[34:30]

Dr. Patti Taylor: We're back, and I'm Dr. Patti Taylor.  And we're talking about having fun with sexy prostate massage.  So, Dr. Erika, we were going to ask you, what does the woman get from all of this? 

Dr. Erika Thost: So there's huge benefits in there for the woman.  One thing that's really important is that she get a little sexual treat at the beginning of a prostate massage session.  Maybe some oral sex for her, maybe some clit or G-spot massage for her, to get her energy up.  So aside from that, she has a satisfaction of getting to penetrate her man, which for a lot of women is a profound and new experience.  It can also be unsettling, and it can be very exciting.  She gets to see her man in a vulnerable place.  She gets to give him this huge gift of this experience where he gets to be the recipient.  He's the receiver.  Because if we think about it, usually in lovemaking it's the man's job to get the woman turned on.  It's the man's job to create an erection.  It's the man's job to create the sexual intercourse and not come to soon, but do come if she likes that.  That's a lot of work.  And for him to just get to lie back and just receive can be a huge experience for both of you.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Wow.  I am absolutely shivering with goose bumps, because I teach that all the time, that to be a better receiver you want to be a better giver.  And really, it's so true that a lot of the time I love giving a great prostate massage.  I just love it.  And I learn so much when I give, and I get so much when I give, and I'm always giving expanded orgasm, and I'm always teaching about expanded orgasms.  I mean, I am just teaching, teaching, teaching, giving, giving, giving, and that probably sounds weird to a lot of people, but I mean, that's my business.  And when I give a man a genital massage, that's great, but when I get to add in the prostate, it's so much of a richer experience, and it's like--you know, wow, why would you want to leave that out?--and it's so profound and so beautiful for me, and so, just that you're here talking about it, I'm just totally agreeing with you.  It's just like, women, please, add this in, it is so much fun.  It really, really is.  It is, like, wonderful.

Dr. Erika Thost: You got it, Patti. 

Dr. Patti Taylor: OK, moving right along.  I want to talk to you about your CD set, because this really goes into a lot more detail that you really can't cover on a podcast for lots of reasons.  There's lots of things you just can't talk about without the safety--and I mean, honestly, you could talk about this for a week and not repeat yourself.  So, what inspired you to make this, and just tell us a little bit about your CD set and what you want us to know about it.

Dr. Erika Thost: Well actually, Patti, I am really proud of this CD set.  I really felt I put science into it as well as my heart as well as my experience, because there's a lot of information that I have never seen anywhere else.  I put that on this CD set.  And I feel like people have a lot of worries about what they might encounter, that women might worry about what they might encounter putting their finger in there, so I go into great detail about that, and those kinds of things that are very difficult to talk about.  They're all spelled out in there.  The other thing that's in the CD set is, you can do this as a quickie.  It's possible to do prostate massage as a quickie.  So if the woman feels like, I really only want to do this for twelve minutes because it's so new, that's all right.  You can make it work.  And the other part is, how do you explore something new as a couple?  How do you make it safe and comfortable for the both of you?  How do you deal with the emotional discomfort of it?  I think these are really big topics, and I love that I get in this CD set all the way from the relationship down to "where's the finger on the prostate?".

Dr. Patti Taylor: I love what you said about making it safe, because if it's not safe, if you haven't turned down the lights, put on the right music, then you might not get started.  So it's really good to start right from the beginning and have it look like a really fun wonderful thing to start.  And just start from there.

Dr. Erika Thost: Can I finish with one surprising observation?  You can guess that I don't have a problem finding an icebreaker conversation at parties anymore, and what has totally blown me away is that almost every time I've brought up the subject of prostate massage to a guy, anywhere, their eyes always light up.  I'm starting to wonder if basically every man is curious, if he knows that his partner will not laugh at him, that I basically feel that every man is curious about that kind of exploration but it could be needing a very safe environment for him to be willing to talk about that.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Wow, I love that you brought that up.  Thank you.  I think that is maybe one of the most powerful things you've said tonight.  I know when I wrote my book and I started telling people it's about expanded orgasm, I thought I was going to burn to a crisp.  And instead people started going "really?  wow, I have this friend who...", and sort of finding out everyone wants to talk about it.  And here you're saying the same thing, and I'm wondering, what if people mention "wow, I heard this podcast, can you believe it?  oh, it was really racy, I don't know, do you want to hear it?".  Just to see people's faces.  People might just be saying "oh, how fascinating" and having a very different reaction than you might think they'd have, because the time is really right for this information to come out, beyond the kind of reaction you might have thought there would be.  They'd be really fascinated--the male G-spot.

Dr. Erika Thost: I think both men and women are really curious and are really ready to explore.  Both the young people who are not doing it necessarily for health reasons, but for fun, and middle-aged and older couples who have pleasure as well as health for a focus.

Dr. Patti Taylor: So have you seen people's lives change from doing this?  You know, we're getting into the empowerment here, has it empowered anyone to really change their life, looking at the really big picture, thinking in a bigger way?

Dr. Erika Thost: Yes, for men, for women, and for the couples as well.  For men to feel like they can explore something that different and that new and own it, that they can be straight and still know that they can have this kind of pleasure.  That is huge for them.  They really tend to blossom in all kinds of ways, and also be more open to exploring with a woman other things that she might want.  And women just get all bubbly that they can do this for their guy.  And the really cool thing about this for women too is that it doesn't take a lot of physical exertion.  You take a lot of cushions, get both of you really comfortable, and your fingers are just moving very slightly.  You're not doing a sexual intercourse motion.  The fingers are just in there and they stay in there.  So it's very subtle, very easy to do.  So the women feel like they have this huge power to make him happy that they didn't know they had.  And the couples together feel more bonded and feel closer and feel like, once they've explored this together, they could also explore other things because they know how to do this now.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Yeah, and also the anus has the second greatest concentration of nerve endings in the body, and why are we not owning it--and I'm getting a little political here, but we've disowned this part of our body, and yet it's so rich in nerve endings, so to reclaim it and to integrate it into our beings, there's a sort of wholeness that we gain for ourselves.  It's a source of so much pleasure.  So I'm wondering if you could talk about the sense of expanded lovemaking or expanded being ness that might come from this.

Dr. Erika Thost: Yes, when men make themselves this vulnerable, and when they acknowledge this part of their body that this culture does not make it easy for them to acknowledge, there is an expansion that happens that encompasses the couple where they feel they can go anywhere.  Their spirits soar together because they know they can be very intimate deep inside as well as sexually very excited at the same time.

Dr. Patti Taylor: And how about even just for the man, if he's single.  Can he just do this on his own?  We're coming to the end, but I'm just thinking a man who's in between partners might be very inspired.  So, any parting thoughts?

Dr. Erika Thost: Yes, I think it's a great thing for guys to do by themselves.  It's a little tricky if you're using fingers, because the angle is not easy to get.  So sometimes butt plugs work, or dildos, and there's actually a product out that I find useful and a lot of men like called the Aneros.  It's like a butt plug with little wings that sit outside on their perineum and keep it from sliding in too far.  And the men insert that, and as they contract their anal muscles, the Aneros puts pressure on their prostate.  And a lot of men find that pleasurable.  And some men like to use it during sexual intercourse.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Wow.  So there's really a way for everybody to get involved, then, in reclaiming that part of their bodies and their being and their pleasure.  So that's what expanded lovemaking is all about, really expanding to claim all of yourself.  So OK, I do have one last question for you, which is what is the greatest pleasure that has come to you in bringing this message to the world?  The greatest personal pleasure, or what motivates you, what's been the deepest thing for you personally?

Dr. Erika Thost: This may sound really crazy, but it was a big surprise that I almost feel like this is a political issue.  That if enough guys got enough prostate pleasure and prostate orgasms, there would be no more war and people would get along much better.

Dr. Patti Taylor: That's a noble goal.  So, on that note, we hope everybody listens to this show.  Thank you all for listening.  Please tell all your friends about this podcast.  Thank you for listening, and thank you very much for being on our show today, Dr. Erika.

Dr. Erika Thost: I had a great time, Patti.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Yes, I had a great time too.  You can find out more about Dr. Erika at sexyprostate.com.  I do want to say, we did have another show on the G-spot with Dr. Gary Schubach, so he did give us some hints on where to find the G-spot, but we can always use more shows on this topic.  So, we will be talking next week to Nicole Daedone on orgasmic meditation.  So, if you have any questions please email me, patti@personallifemedia.com.  For texts and transcripts of this show please check our website, personallifemedia.com.  Thank you all for listening, and I remain yours in everlasting lovemaking, and that's all for now, and I will see you all next week.  Thank you so much, and bye for now.

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