Episode 18: Guide Exquisite Lovemaking with Knowledge of the Mind with Daka Raj, Tantrika and Practitioner of Expanded Orgasm

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In this special show, Dr. Patti Taylor interviews Daka Raj, a practicing Kashmiri Shaivite Tantrika and advanced practitioner of Expanded Orgasm. Learn how his special interest in language, combined with a new technology for understanding how mind and body intersect, have led to hotter, juicier lovemaking. Daka Raj explains why Expanded Orgasmic practices are enhanced with sexy talk and sexually explicit verbal appreciation. Wow, is this juicy! Next, you'll learn the amazing and powerful "Open Mind" system for determining the optimal way to give your lover the best type of loving attention. And is there room to optimize on what you're already doing? Learn strategies that may lead to major improvements in connection, kissing, and lovemaking. Daka Raj offers a variety of turned-on love lines he might use with different women, having different "profiles", during sexual pleasuring dates. Hear what he'd say at the beginning, middle, and (really heated) final parts of steamy Expanded Orgasm dates. When you say the right types of words to your partner, well, you can really get them cooking! Dr. Patti wants, and gives, some examples for women talking to men, and asks Daka Raj if her ideas seem on target. Dr. Patti and Daka Raj do their best to stay seated as examples are traded - these prolific examples will melt, vibrate, sizzle and soar! But it's all for a good cause: more love, pleasure and turn-on. Learn all about this amazing cutting-edge technology of love in this exciting, fascinating show!

Transcript

Guide Exquisite Lovemaking with Knowledge of the Mind: Dr. Patti Talks to Daka Raj, Tantrika and Practitioner of Expanded Orgasm

Announcer:  This program is intended for mature audiences only.

[intro music]

Dr. Patti Taylor: In this awesome show, you’ll learn a cutting-edge technology of lovemaking, discover your power to guide your lover into exquisite states of consciousness when you know how their minds process information, learn how to translate this knowledge into hot sexy language, and expert guidance to take your lovemaking to amazing heights of pleasure.

Daka Raj: Say we’re actually having a date and I’m going to touch her and stimulate her.  I might first start just admiring her body.  I might put my hands on her and start telling her how beautiful her eyes are, and how gentle, how sensual she feels and how soft her lips, her inner lips of her pussy are.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Hmmm, wow!  Lucky girlfriend!  Right…

Daka Raj: Actually, one of the things I use this material for is when I’m doing someone and they’re kind of tired is “how can I use this to bring them back to life?”  You know, I’ll start talking a lot more and I’ll start using terminology that’ll wake them up.

Dr. Patti Taylor: That’s great.  And I think the reverse is also true, is that especially with women it’s been shown that women get orgasmic when they are really relaxed.  So they’re very different from men in that respect.  So I think the other thing is also true and I think in our day and age women are also, blah blah blah blah blah, they’re going off in they’re ‘beta state’.  We’re all so wired.  So you also want to know, I think with your verbal languaging, how to bring a woman down into her trance state of mind and relax her enough so that she can get orgasmic without having her pass out.  So you really want that full balance and if you can do that with your talking, if you can get her into that, really that full range, well then hey, you know, you’re going to be very popular…

Daka Raj: So for someone who’s very kinesthetic, I might say, “Wow, you are feeling very good right now,” at the very beginning of a date, or, “I really love how warm your yoni is. And your skin is very soft and I really enjoy touching you.”  Now with someone who’s very visual I might start out the date, “Why, you look gorgeous!  I love the pink colors of your outer lips and the red highlights, and oh your skin is very beautiful.  How rosy it is,” so I’ll just totally change it.  Now if they’re auditory I could say, “Ooh, the way you’re vibrating, you sound so beautiful to me.”  So I’ll actually go that direction…

[music ends]

Dr. Patti Taylor: Welcome to the Expanded Lovemaking show.  I’m your host, Dr. Patti Taylor, of www.ExpandedLovemaking.com.  And I teach people how to give and receive way more pleasure than they ever dreamed possible.  Today on the show we are talking about guiding your lover into exquisite lovemaking, using knowledge of the mind.  Our guest is Daka Raj, an advanced student of  ‘expanded orgasm’.  Welcome, Daka Raj.

Daka Raj: Hi, Patti.  It’s great to be here.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Hi.  It’s great to have you.  Can I call you Raj?

Daka Raj: Absolutely.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Great.  Raj has studied sensuality intensively for the last seven years.  He’s a practicing Kashmiri Shaivite Contiki, who’s working towards gaining his master’s certification.  And he’s here to show with us today his special interest in using language and understanding of the intersection of mind and body, to have hotter, juicer and more connected lovemaking. So I’m really pleased to have you here with us today.  I think our listeners really care what’s on the cutting edge of lover technology.  I’ know I’m always on the lookout for how I can gain an edge in making my sweetie happier and more turned on and gratified.  So today we’ll ask Raj what he’s been studying that’s been driving women wild and actually turning him on too.  I understand you’ve been very excited about what you’ve been discovering, Raj.  So let’s get started.  Tell us, Raj, what is a daka and how did you get into this line of work?

Daka Raj: Well a daka is a man who is interested in pleasing women, which is something that I live to do.  And how I got involved in work… I guess it actually started about ten years ago.  I did some courses with Moore University.  I also studied Tantra and more recently, in the last seven years I’ve been a student of yours, and recently very intensive studying has been a big part of my life.

Dr. Patti Taylor: So, well I can understand why you’d want to study this line of work if it involves pleasing women, and…  being a woman of course.   I was just wondering was there anything that motivated you to start along this path, any distinct moment in your life?

Daka Raj: Well actually, initially it was my ex-wife was interested in having me learn this stuff, because she really wanted me to give her the kind of experience she’s seen other women have.  Basically we saw a demo of a woman coming for an hour, and she wanted to have that experience, so that really inspired me.

Dr. Patti Taylor: So it’s just been getting better and better ever since then?  Were there ever any challenges along the way?  What’s been really tough for you along this path?

Daka Raj: I would say three were times when it’s been very challenging.  I saw men delivering this kind of pleasure to other women, or even to my sweethearts, and I was like, “Well how can I do that?”  And it really was challenging to learn; to master some of the techniques was very challenging.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Yeah, I know.  I mean, I guess it’s every man’s fantasy to sort of quit his day job, so to speak and enter this line of work.  But no one ever thinks about the challenges, do they, and what may be involved?

Daka Raj: That’s absolutely true.  It certainly would be fun to dedicate all my time to doing this.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Right.  And just to set the record straight, I don’t think you have exactly quit your day job, exactly yet, have you?

Daka Raj: No.  I’m definitely still gainfully employed, but doing this just for fun.  But it’s the focus of… most of my free time is definitely gratifying women and showing them a good time.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well you know everybody has to have their dream, and you’re living it, and I think a lot of women in the world are better off because of it.  So now you particularly have a fascination with expanded orgasm.  What does that mean to you?  I know what it means to me, and of course you’re my student.  One of the things that are very exciting to me is that it means something in everyone who studies it, so it’s kind of exciting for me.  I’d love to hear what it means to you.

Daka Raj: Well the word ‘expanded’ in the context of lovemaking is how do you take pleasure and have it fill your whole body, and even go beyond your body.  In addition, you want to involve all the different aspects of your being.  You want your mind, you want your body, you’d love your whole spirit to be involved in the lovemaking, and especially when you’re connecting with a partner, to connect on all these different channels is beautiful.

Dr. Patti Taylor: So full body, full being, mind, heart, body, spirit, so… because a lot of people have this imagination “drop the mind to get into sex and into the higher states,” but that’s not what you’re saying.

Daka Raj: Well when we’re talking about using language, and when we’re talking about using the mind to access lovemaking, you certainly want to, you actually need to involve the mind; it’s a big part… the mind is the biggest sex organ there is, so to not involve the mind would be a waste of a huge part of a human being’s sensual capacity.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Right, it would be.  Actually I’ve noticed a lot of people that are sort of very, very intelligent trying to get into expanded orgasm.  I think it’s for that reason.  They finally figured out they actually cannot drop their minds, so…

Daka Raj: You might as well make it your friend rather than your enemy, so definitely.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Their minds finally figured something out, “You’re not dropping me.  Put me to work, for goodness sakes.”

Daka Raj: Definitely, definitely.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well that’s what they did in your case.  How do you use talking then?  I guess that’s what you do when you put your mind to work.  How does the talking figure in, and can you give us an example?  Why talk?  I mean, couldn’t talking possibly be a distraction?  I guess that’s the first line of thought my mind goes to when I think of using the mind during sex, and I think, maybe for some of our listeners, that’s where they would go.

Daka Raj: Well there’s lots of different ways to use talking for expanding your loving.  But when we talk about using the mind, it’s not just about talking, because you can use the… the mind has these different levels, these different states of consciousness that we talk about, or we will talk about later on, hopefully, is the beta, the alpha, and the theta states.  And how you access those can be through talking and it can be through other means.  On the other hand, talking is a way to access the mind that’s very generally available, and use it before a date, during a date, and after a date.  And I love to use it especially in my ‘doing sessions’, my manual stimulation sessions of a woman.

Dr. Patti Taylor: That’s a point well taken.  We’ll start with talking just because it’s a very basic way of engaging the mind, and for you a date is just when you sort of hook up for any kind of lovemaking connection or doing or pleasuring.  Well what… can you give us some examples of some really fun talking or how you might use it or what it might look like, or sound like, or feel like?

Daka Raj: Well let’s kind of mock up a date:  Before I even see my girlfriend, I might want to send her an email, “Dear Sweetheart, I’m thinking about your beautiful body, and the thought of putting my hand on your pussy is really turning me on.”  I might actually send an email out, to that effect, to my beloved, the day we’re going to have a date.  Now it’s possible I might even do that beforehand, a few days beforehand.  When we’re actually together, say we’re actually having a date, and I’m going to touch her and stimulate her.  I might first start just admiring her body.  I might put my hands on her and start telling her how beautiful her eyes are, and how gentle, how sensual she feels and how soft her lips, her inner lips of her pussy are.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Hmmm, wow!  Lucky girlfriend!  Right?  So if I could just go back for a moment, does she like these letters?  How does she respond?  Does she get all turned on by just these letters that you’re writing?

Daka Raj: Well I think the letters plant little seeds, because a woman oftentimes has her job, her work, her things, her life.  And oftentimes I might… the letters are just one thing I might do.   The other thing is really to put my attention on her, and that may look very different than the letter, but the letter will kind of plant a little seed in her mind that will be working through the day, and she definitely likes them.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Okay, great.  So fast forward now, you’re telling her… and you use the word ‘pussy’, or ‘yoni’ is another word I’ve heard you use for the woman’s pussy.  And so now you’re starting the date and you tell her that her eyes look beautiful, and her skin is soft, and, what else do you do?  What other kinds of talking and why?  And are all women like this?  Or do they like to get non-verbal, and does this always help?  Or do you just sort of check in each time, and is it different, or do you find the talking is always going to add, and focus the date?  Are there any rules of thumb abut this?  Or does it change for every woman?

Daka Raj: Well something we haven’t… Let’s start talking about it now, is the whole representation systems that people have, and I don’t think people talk about this that much in lovemaking, but I’ve found it incredibly useful, and that’s the concept that people have systems in which they learn, how they learn.  It’s actually something you can use in work; you can use it in education, and it actually turns out to be really useful in lovemaking.  And that’s that… for example, about a year and a half ago I ran across this body of work, and the book I read is by Dawna Markova, called The Open Mind.  And in that book she talks about how people have the top level of their seats of consciousness, how they interact with the outer world, is their beta waves of their mind, and just below that is their alpha waves, which is sort of a mile trance, relaxed state.  And even deeper than that is where you’re creative, where you do your deep thinking or maybe where you’re almost on the edge of sleep is your theta states, and that people are all very different in how they access those states.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Okay, great.  So the beta waves are where we’re in sort of our workday world, our active mode where we’re kind of running around going blah blah blah blah blah blah, you know, and that’s our top-level mode, if I’m hearing you, and the middle level is our alpha mode, that’s our kind of relaxed, sort of half-meditative, sort of you know, things are going in and out in kind of a cool way.  And then the deep level is kind of sort of trancy, hypnotic, very creative, dreamy, but it’s very vulnerable and deep.  So there’s like a top, middle, and deep level.  And there are very, very different ways that everybody’s minds are kind of structured, and you’re saying that the way people are kind of structured has a huge effect on the way that their lovemaking… it’s like a lovemaking profile, and when you can figure out their lovemaking profile, this makes a huge difference in how you can make love to them, or they can make love to you.  Like, a huge difference?

Daka Raj: Well I would say it makes a very huge difference, and I’ll give you some examples in a second, but let me just, for the listeners, I think it might be helpful if they know that there’s three different modes that map onto these states of consciousness, so one of them is kinesthetic or feeling.  You know people who like to be touched in their active mode.  And then there’s auditory, people who like to talk or be talked to.  And then there are also visual people.  Now I tend to be visual as my active mode.  Auditory is my middle mode and kinesthetic is my sort of ‘trance’ kind of creative mode.  I have a lover who’s almost the exact opposite of me.  She’s kinesthetic in the active mode, auditory in the middle and then at the bottom she’s visual.  So I’ve found that we oftentimes would connect on the auditory level, but sometimes at the very beginning of a date or at the end of a date, we might have a fight, or we might…  I’d come home for work, for example, and I’d see her and I’d start talking to her, or I’d have a certain expectation that she’d be happy to see me, with a smile o her face, and I wouldn’t see the smile, because what I’ve learned from this body of work is that’s something you wouldn’t expect to see a smile on a kinesthetic person’s face right off the bat.  So anyway, that’s a quick overview of the system.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well this sounds very great.  I want to find out if you can actually start having hot, juicy, passionate wild sex from all of this.  So we’re going to take a quick break to hear fro our sponsors, and please stay with us.  We are talking to Daka Raj.  This is Dr. Patti Taylor, and we’ll be right back.

[break]

Dr. Patti Taylor: We’re back, and I’m Dr. Patti Taylor, and we are talking to Daka Raj about guiding your lover into exquisite lovemaking.  Before the break we were talking about using the mind, and specifically talking, to make lovemaking a richer experience.  Now let’s continue with the specific techniques for optimizing the lovemaking experience.  So what happened with using these techniques to resolve this conflict? 

Daka Raj: Well with this one girlfriend who is currently my girlfriend, and we’re having a very happy time, I’ll give you a couple examples.  First of all, once I realized that she was very different from me, which was a mind-opening experience in and of itself, when I come home from work I don’t expect her to have a smile on her face.  I expect her to be somewhere in her mind doing something, and knowing that she likes to be interacted with kinesthetically, when I want to enter her energy, I’ll actually offer a massage, or I’ll give her a head rub, or offer to give her a foot rub.  What I used to do is get upset and angry that she wasn’t smiling and happy to see me, and didn’t want to sit face-to-face staring at me and talking.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well was she happy to see you and just not smiling?  I mean, was she not happy to see you, or what was the… how did you resolve it?  I mean was she just really happy to see you and she’s just not a smiler?  Is that what you’re saying?

Daka Raj: Well she’s definitely happy to see me, and she didn’t show it the way I was expecting her to show it.  And because I have a completely different representations system, and I thought that everyone had the same one as me, that I interpreted her actions based on my system, and that was totally wrong.

Dr. Patti Taylor: I’m starting to understand.  So once you realized that your smile equals “I want a foot massage” it was like the Rosetta Stone.  It’s like okay, drop the desire for a smile and translate that into the offer for a foot massage, and now you can rock and roll.

Daka Raj: Absolutely.  Definitely started the rocking and rolling very fast after that.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Okay.  Well I’m starting to see how you could get excited about this representation system.  So what other examples do you have?  Because I think this is the kind of thing that… examples kind of help to make it concrete.

Daka Raj: The other big example, which definitely comes into lovemaking, is this woman I used to kiss all the time the first few years of our relationship, and then all of a sudden it just started becoming less and less interesting to her and I couldn’t understand why, at first.  And when I learned the system, we started talking about it and I taught her a little bit about the system and what we realized is that when I was kissing her it was really fun for me because it was really getting me relaxed and in a more soothing state, and I was coming down from my vision… I could see her really close; that was stimulating, and I was kind of getting into my kinesthetic state, but she was feeling trapped.  You know I would just be kissing her and she would be getting more and more and more like freaked out.  And when I learned this and we had this conversation, she said if I start moving my hands and touching her and caressing her body, that would help her be present, and I also, when I would kiss her, I would also take my mouth away, and put it back and take it back away, so… and she just loved it.  She loved that whole new… and now we’re kissing all the time, so a year and a half without kissing, and a lot of upset on my part, and I would blame her and get upset at her, and all of a sudden we’re doing it again.  It’s beautiful.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Right.  Well I’m gathering that the breath was kinesthetic and her eyes are closed; she’s…you just started kissing, so she’s not full-body, full-being yet because she’s not all that warmed up

Daka Raj: That’s absolutely true.  And so she’s kind of in her external mode, you know, kinesthetic mode.

Dr. Patti Taylor: So since her visual is on the bottom, she doesn’t want to, they don’t want to do eye-gazing.  So people with the visual on the bottom in this system don’t… they hate eye-gazing, so if you’re one of those people that says like, “I cannot stand eye-gazing, and what’s the matter with me?”  They need to wait until they’re really, really turned on, because it’s deeply vulnerable for them.  So here she is and she doesn’t want to kiss because it’s too soon, and yet you’re holding her, I’m guessing, and you’re wanting to gaze into her eyes, and you’re kind of sort of grabbing onto her, and you’re just happy because you’re kinesthetic; your feeling state is in the deep trance.  It’s putting you into a trance, so you’re sort of trancing out on her and getting very still and just kind of freaking her out, right?  And the auditory is the lips, so that part’s working.  But then when you start moving, and she’s breathing on you, so… and maybe that’s when you pull your lips away.  Maybe she can breathe on you when you pull your lips away.  I’m projecting here a little.  I don’t know.  Is that happening?

Daka Raj: All that’s happening.  I think it’s the fact that she was like three inches away from me at the beginning of a date.  It was one of many reasons why it just didn’t really work for her.  And when I can move my hands and touch her and also give her space to breathe, all of a sudden it became a wonderful experience for her.  Later on in the date, maybe way at the very end of a date where we’re making love, it would be a very intimate experience, where she’d actually look very closely and gaze into my eyes.

Dr. Patti Taylor: So, that wonderful.  But back to the kissing, what’s the end of that story?  How is your kissing now?

Daka Raj: Absolutely amazing.  We’ll kiss for half an hour.  We’ll just be cuddling, caressing, kissing, breathing on each other.  It’s a whole-bodied whole-being experience now that involves all those different states of consciousness.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Okay, great.  So this is a wonderful success story.  So let’s take a look and maybe… I’m wondering, is this something listeners can learn on their own?  What are some of the things that maybe our listeners could do to try and type some of these characteristics out for themselves?  They might want to go home and figure out if their wife fits the categories.  Like I know visual people tend to be the eye-gazers, but I know it may or may not be that easy, because some visual people are like the straight-on.  They’ll look into your eyes for hours, and yet some visual people are on and off eye-gazers right away, whereas you know…  So are there some tips that we could get started with right in that right away?

Daka Raj: Absolutely.  I would say these aren’t hard and fast rules but these are my tips.  One of them would be if you know someone whose facial affect is pretty flat most of the time, or when they’re not actually actively doing something or talking to you, they typically are people who are kinesthetic in the beta state, so their outer representation system for dealing with information is kinesthetic.

Dr. Patti Taylor: So translation for people like me, who kind of like it simple, that just means the feeling people don’t have a lot of facial expression, but it doesn’t mean they’re not feeling a lot.  In fact, it’s quite the reverse.  They’re big feelers, but it doesn’t show in their face for some reason.  They just like to move around a lot, a lot of the time, and somehow they don’t have a lot of facial expression in their top-level everyday state.

Daka Raj: Yeah.  When they’re actively doing stuff like work, or looking for a book, or doing something very active, that’s not in a relaxed state, they tend not to have much facial expression.

Dr. Patti Taylor: All right.  Well moving right along, how about the auditory people in their active state?

Daka Raj: They will be the ones who tend to be talkers.  People who like to talk, like to listen, like to have conversations, someone you can talk to for six hours straight, and they don’t even get tired.  They don’t even notice they’re talking.  They just love to talk, and that would be someone who’s probably auditory in the upper levels.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well I think we can figure those people out pretty easily.  Okay, how about the visual people?

Daka Raj: Okay, people who are visual on top tend to be people who just look at you straight in the eye.  You know, they just want to… and they don’t even know they’re doing it sometimes; they’ll just like… now people who are, tend to… so that’s the visual on the top.  People who are visual on the bottom tend to be very visually shy.  It’s a very intimate experience to look at them right I the eye, and they’ll kind of tend to look away or be shy, or like that.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Yeah, I actually did read the book, and I was so excited when I read the book, because I cannot stand eye-gazing and I thought I was going to just flunk as a tantrica because you know half of Tantra is eye-gaze, eye-gaze, eye-gaze, eye-gaze, eye-gaze.  And I was like, “Ahgghh!”  For me it is such an intimate thing.  I mean that is the window into my soul, and I do not casually eye-gaze.  I eye-gaze when I’m in the depths of passion, and it’s like, you know, for other people it’s like if you don’t eye-gaze for breakfast, you know, there’s something wrong with you.  So I just got a lot of validation, and when I do eye-gaze, I take that as a really deep compliment that I’m paying to someone.  To me, I think that’s almost more intimate than making love or talking or something.  To me, that’s about the most intimate thing I can do, is open my eyes and look at someone, so I loved reading the book.  It explained myself.  I’ve used it to understand my partners, so it’s really given me a lot of understanding.  Well let’s go on.  Some other characteristics of lovers, possibly.  How about if there’s some disconnect?  For example, what might that look like?

Daka Raj: The first example was the one where you come home from work and you know, the woman… my girlfriend used to not even give me a kiss when I walked in the door, so that was one thing.  A bigger disconnect though is I used to have this girlfriend and I’d leave her and she wouldn’t even smile when I walked out the door.  And I was like, well we just had a hot date and I’m leaving and I want to feel like she actually likes me or can’t wait to see me again, and I don’t even get a look or a smile when I walk out the door, so it felt like to me there was something wrong.  And when I actually talked to her and checked it out, I realized, “Aha, she’s kinesthetic.  She’s not even going to show me a look when she’s already on to the next thing and her face is flat again.”  So I actually had a conversation with her and we actually worked it out so she puts more consideration into my needs and I recognize where she’s coming from, and it’s been much better ever since.

Dr. Patti Taylor: So this can be a really great way to have a conversation about what you’re understanding each other’s needs as well.

Daka Raj: Absolutely.  Yes.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Yeah, because I’ve heard you work, talk with a student about it too, who was having a hard time verbalizing and getting in touch with giving her partner feedback.  What was going on in that situation?

Daka Raj: Well she was auditory in the upper level and kinesthetic at the bottom and had the visual in between, so there’s the disconnect between her voice and what she was feeling.  So it’s been a challenge for her to actually notice what she’s feeling and say what she’s feeling all at the same time, because it’s such a big disconnect for her.

Dr. Patti Taylor: So there are women out there and, I’m guessing, men out there… and I’ve seen this too when I’ve worked with people, that some people find it very easy to give feedback to their partner, in fact you can sometimes… some people are great at it; you can hardly shut them up.  I’m kind of like that, you know.  I’m really good at it; I mean I had to learn, it’s true, because I used to be like mute, but I was able to learn to really ask for what I wanted, and now I’m really good at following my feelings and really… I can actually see exactly what I want and visualize it and map it and express it.  Actually, I’m kind of full-body, full-feeling, and I can follow the feeling and visualize and verbalize and I’m pretty good at it.  But there are some people for whom I think that’s really, really hard.  They have such a hard time asking for what they want.  They just blank out and I think it’s deeper than the fact they just haven’t had practice.  I just think that because they’re maybe auditory I their deepest most vulnerable state and what it would be, their feeling state is in their active everyday state; there’s a disconnect, and their visual is in the middle and their words are disconnected from their feelings, and so that’s sort of a bigger hump to overcome.

Daka Raj: Yes.  What I would recommend someone like that to experiment with is to visualize what they’re feeling and then report what they’re visualizing, or report what they imagine would feel good, because then you’re using your visual part of your mind to engage that gap between the two.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well all of this really I think is great to give us just more of an understanding of how we can really overcome differences.  It sounds like it really is better though if listeners go out and buy the book.  We will give you the link for the book.  The name of the book is The Open Mind by Dawna Markova.  We will give you the name of the book and links to where you can learn about this, at the end of the show.  And there are huge grids so that you can actually figure out what your partner is and study them and figure them out, and I think that the point is really for understanding, more love and more understanding.

Daka Raj: One thing I notice myself doing is… You, Patti, are visually shy, so I actually and purposely not keeping my gaze constant with you.  I just wanted to point that out.  I just noticed myself doing that, and thought, “Wow, I might as well report that since that’s what we’re talking about.”  Basically I’m putting your needs into my consideration, and my formula for relating to you, right now.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well yeah, thank you.  And I do that too.  I notice that when I’m talking to people, there are some people who, for example, I’ll type them out…they’re auditory on the bottom and their feelings are on top for example, and they really hesitate, and I’ll help them fill in the words.  Or when I’m working with them, if I figure that out, then I have a different strategy for working with them and helping them learn language, but I think the goal is, since we teach people in expanded orgasm practices and expanded lovemaking, isn’t the point really for us all to learn how to engage all three levels of our being?  And I think that’s where we want to go today, is with the talking is, you know, regardless of what is our hierarchy is how do we really get all of our channels working, regardless of which ones we started with?  So maybe, you know, one’s active.  Don’t we really want to get all three of our… our visual, our auditory all going?  Isn’t that when it really is the hottest and juiciest lovemaking?

Daka Raj: Most definitely, yes.  One of the things that’s really beautiful is if you can actually get their active states going a little bit, and get their middle states going, and then get their theta state going, and really pull that state up.  You can get them in a highly energized and highly trancy state that’s very turned on, and that’s something hopefully we’ll talk about in a moment.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Right.   Because who wants to be in a trancy state and fall asleep while they’re turned on?

Daka Raj: Actually, one of the things I use this material for is when I’m doing someone and they’re kind of tired is “how can I use this to bring them back to life?”  You know, I’ll start talking a lot more and I’ll start using terminology that’ll wake them up.

Dr. Patti Taylor: That’s great.  And I think the reverse is also true, is that especially with women it’s been shown that women get orgasmic when they are really relaxed.  So they’re very different from men in that respect.  So I think the other thing is also true and I think in our day and age women are also, blah blah blah blah blah, they’re going off in they’re ‘beta state’.  We’re all so wired.  So you also want to know, I think with your verbal languaging, how to bring a woman down into her trance state of mind and relax her enough so that she can get orgasmic without having her pass out.  So you really want that full balance and if you can do that with your talking, if you can get her into that, really that full range, well then hey, you know, you’re going to be very popular.

Daka Raj: Yeah, one of the things that I like to practice is in an expanded lovemaking session -- I think maybe that’s what we’re coming back to -- is when you start off, you really want to start off… there’s two different planes on which we’re working.  One is just… everybody wants very specific detailed concrete stuff at the beginning, maybe something more mixed and varied in the middle and something very ethereal near the end when you’re really hot and turned on.  And then you can also overlay that with this KAV stuff, this Dawna Markova stuff, with how to apply it specifically to someone.  So for someone who’s very kinesthetic, I might say, “Wow, you are feeling very good right now, at the very beginning of a date, or, “I really love how warm your yoni is. And your skin is very soft and I really enjoy touching you.”  Now with someone who’s very visual I might start out the date, “Why, you look gorgeous!  I love the pink colors of your outer lips and the red highlights, and oh your skin is very beautiful.  How rosy it is,” so I’ll just totally change it.  Now if they’re auditory I could say, “Ooh, the way you’re vibrating, you sound so beautiful to me.”  So I’ll actually go that direction.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Wow!  Well, tell me more.  Tell me more.  So then what happens?

Daka Raj: In the middle of the date, if the woman is very auditory, I might say something like, “The sound of your vibration is incredibly musical.”  Or if she’s very visual, in the middle of the date, I might say, “I can see these beautiful colors starting to blossom in your pussy.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Uh huh, and if she’s kinesthetic?

Daka Raj: Well then I’ll be, “I can feel your vibrations filling the room.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Ooh!  How about towards the end of a date?

Daka Raj: Well then I’ll start getting more ethereal.  I might just start saying one or two words.  Let me just think about just pure… what I would say in any kind of date, so for anyone…

Dr. Patti Taylor: Okay.  We’ll give you a moment to think about that one. [laughs]

Daka Raj: [laughs] Well I actually have to put myself into a trance to actually say this, so I don’t even know what’s going to come out of my mouth.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Okay.

Daka Raj: But “sparkling stars”, “enervating connection”, “flowers blooming”, “deep waters”, “hot bubbling energy”… those are some of the phrases, some phrases just come to mind right now; I put myself into a little bit of a trance to come up with them, and depending on what kind of woman she is, I might use one or the other.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Ooh, “twinkling yoni galaxies are sprouting like flowers after a monsoon.”

Daka Raj: That would be perfect for… that would be perfect for you because you’re visual at the bottom.

Dr. Patti Taylor: [laughs] Right, and I like to expand things.

Daka Raj: Absolutely.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Yeah I did like that image, now that you mention it.

Daka Raj: Yeah you look like you’re sort of in that semi-coming state, you know.

Dr. Patti Taylor: I think I got al three channels lined up, because it also got kind of warm in here.  What is that, my kinesthetic?

Daka Raj: Definitely.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Or is that the full-body, 24/7, all channels all the time, or have I mixed metaphors?

Daka Raj: I think you have all the channels going all at once, yeah.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well, I think your talking is very effective, Raj.

Daka Raj: Thank you.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Okay.  Well on that I think we’re going to take a short break to support our sponsors.  This is Dr. Patti Taylor, and I am with Daka Raj, and we’ll be right back.

[break]

Dr. Patti Taylor: We’re back.  And I’m Dr. Patti Taylor, and we are talking to Daka Raj about guiding your lover into exquisite lovemaking, using knowledge of the mind.  Before the break we were talking about specific techniques to optimize the lovemaking experience.  Now, Daka Raj, I want to ask you about examples about how to use this information to have hotter juicier talking.

Daka Raj: Just a couple things.  Before the break we were talking about sort of someone when you’re deep in the middle of a date, you know, what you would say.  And I was just thinking of a few things, so, “Hot melting lava pouring out,” you know that might be something I ‘d say to someone who is kinesthetic.  Or “musical notes enervate my mind,” or something like that, for someone who’s more auditory.  So I just wanted to share those two for you today.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Now lets talk about the man a little bit.  What, if I were going to use some of these things on you, let’s figure out how we can translate some for this wonderful stuff onto some things that a man might like to hear.  So starting on a date and I might say to you, or the appropriate man, “Oh, your crown looks really wonderful right now.  And I guess, let’s see, that would be visual.  Right?

Daka Raj: Mm hmm.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Or would it be auditory because what man wouldn’t want to hear that?

Daka Raj: Well I think, when you’re talking, it’s always auditory.  But when you can use visual terminology, it makes it… the picture we create in our mind and in our experience will be more visual, so I think for me that would be perfect.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Okay, yeah because you’re visual.  So if I said, “Oh, you know, your cock, I just…it’s just throbbing and it’s pink and glistening a little bit and I just love how hard it is right now, and this really turns me on…”

Daka Raj: That would definitely work for me!

Dr. Patti Taylor: Okay, so starting out we just want to get really descriptive, okay.  And then since you’re auditory in the middle, then in the middle of the date I would do something with sound.  So for a guy, what would I say?  “Oh, wow, who’s that knocking at the door?  All those cheerleaders I invited over?”

Daka Raj: Then you’re getting the… and the imagination, which is perfect, actually.  I like that, as a guy.  But you could also say something like, “Oh, your breathing sounds so beautiful,” if you really want to keep it focused, if you don’t want to bring in the other aspect.  But if you do want to bring in the cheerleaders and the imagination, that’s actually fun too.

Dr. Patti Taylor: No, no, no, no, let’s keep it… Okay, okay.  Your breathing or what else?  Give me some examples.

Daka Raj: Uhm… well you caught me off guard here.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well the breathing one was good.

Daka Raj: You could say something… “The sound…” actually, “the sound of my hand on your cock is music to my ears.”

Dr. Patti Taylor: Oohhh.  Or how about this, “I’m really enjoying the rhythm of the music, just going up and down.  I’m just loving the rhythm, mmm mmm.”  And maybe just making some sounds with my own voice, like “ooohhh, ooohh, yum.  Ooh yum, this feels so good.”  Would the sound of my own voice kind of going “mmm and “ahhh”, would that sort of be an auditory stimulation?

Daka Raj: Absolutely. It would be delicious.  And actually even…it would actually feel good too, but the sounds would be very fun.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Okay, and since… okay, so “mmm” and “ahhh”, and… you said kissing was a…

Daka Raj: Primarily auditory because you’re…it’s the mouth.  Anything that causes the mouth to move is auditory.

Dr. Patti Taylor: So if I were pleasuring you and I started to kiss you at the same time, would that be an auditory stimulation?

Daka Raj: Absolutely.  That sounds good to me!

Dr. Patti Taylor: Okay, so getting little pointers here.  Okay, so I might…so, since you’re auditory in the middle, you’d have to wait until the middle of the date, so guys, go find out what your pattern is.  You can find out and then you can ask for when you’re going to get kissed, okay?  Beginning, middle or end?  Okay.  To me it’s at the beginning.  All right.  Now, at the end, is your visual, so that’s when I take off my clothes, right?  No, seriously, you’re visual at the end, so then I would…

Daka Raj: Actually, I’m visual at the beginning, so you can take your clothes off right at the beginning for me!

Dr. Patti Taylor: Right, okay.  Off with the clothes.  Okay, so you’re kinesthetic at the end.  Well we’ve been kinesthetic all along, so I would want to use word s that were very kinesthetic, like, “I am just feeling so melty and bubbly.  Wow, these feelings are just shooting all… oh they’re going all the way down my legs.  And oh my contractions.  I’m feeling your contractions and mine, and I’m just about to melt into a puddle.  Oh, I’m feeling yours; they’re just shooting right to the top of my head.  Oh my God, they’re just going right through the whole room!  The whole room is vibrating, oh my God.  I’m feeling you and me and I feel so good.”  Would that be like a kinesthetic?

Daka Raj: That would be absolutely perfect.

Dr. Patti Taylor: [laughs] What are some other examples?

Daka Raj: Well I think you’ve pretty much covered them all.  And I’m already in a hot melty trance myself.  So that’s great.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well so you see it doesn’t take that much.  So that’s the good news out there for all you women who thought, “Oh, this sounds like really complicated,” because you know I’m no rocket scientist here.  And this is pretty easy for me, so I think that’s the good news.  That’s the verdict on The Open Mind book here is it’s a lot easier than you might thin, for us women listening to the show that just want to impress the guys here and show them a good time.

Daka Raj: Yes, definitely.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Interesting.  Interesting, Raj here has…

Daka Raj: It is a little quieter now; you’ve kind of put me into a little bit of a trance.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Okay. I have a style like waving my hand in front of his…get him back into a visual place, because I think I activated his deep vulnerable place with my example here. [laughs]

Daka Raj: That’s good.  Perfect, thank you.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Okay.  Well, so we’re almost out of time but I would like to ask you one final question.  First I just want to thank you for giving us these great examples, the men, and thank you for your vulnerability.

Daka Raj: Well thank you for giving me the great examples for the men too.

Dr. Patti Taylor: So one final question: What do you think you contribute to the world by learning about and giving to women the art and pleasure of expanded orgasm?

Daka Raj: I think whenever anyone’s focused on fun they’re making the world a better place to live.  So that’s one piece of it.  The other thing is, I love women.  Women totally turn me on, and it’s my greatest joy to put all my attention on a woman, to serve women, and I think if the world has more happy women in it, it’s an even better place, a much better place.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well I totally agree.  So, thank you so very much for coming on our show and being so helpful, informative, sharing with us this incredible information.  On your episode page we will definitely put up your recommendations for how listeners can learn more about the Open Mind system, either through instruction, or through buying the book The Open Mind by Dawna Markova.  Also, we will provide links for how you can contact Daka Raj directly.  So thank you once again for coming on the show.

Daka Raj: Thank you for having me, Patti.

Dr. Patti Taylor: That brings us to the end of our show.  Next week please join us on the Expanded Lovemaking show, when we talk to Carolena Fleishman about amazing embodied genital massage.  Thank you so much for listening.  Please send me email at [email protected].  For text and transcripts of this show and other shows on the Personal Life Media Network, please visit our website at www.PersonalLifeMedia.com.  This is your host, Dr. Patti Taylor.  That’s all for now.  I remain yours in ever-expanding lovemaking, and I’ll see you next week.

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