Episode 21: Juicy Questions and Powerful Practices for Feeling More Pleasure with Heather and Robert, Recent Students of Expanded Orgasm, Part Two of a Two Part Series

Listen Now
RSS: Subscribe
RSS: iTunes
In this amazing show, Dr. Patti Taylor returns to answer questions for Heather and Robert, our adventurous couple who only a year ago decided to turn around a stalemated sex life and go for fun, renewed passion, and sexual awakening. Dr. Patti answers five questions to help them take the next quantum leap in their love lives, in a live private session. Enjoy the camaraderie, and intimacy, of this special show, as Dr. Patti shares her valuable knowledge with this special, wonderful couple!

Transcript

Juicy Questions and Powerful Practices for Feeling More Pleasure: Dr. Patti Talks to Heather and Robert, Recent Students of Expanded Orgasm, Part Two of a Two Part Series

Announcer:  This program is intended for mature audiences only.

[intro music]

This is part two of a two part program.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Welcome to the Expanded Lovemaking show.  I’m your host, Dr. Patti Taylor, and I teach people how to give and receive way more pleasure than you ever dreamed possible.  Today we have some very special guests.  They began their journey to receiving expanded lovemaking pleasure just about a year ago.  At that time they were on the verge of a divorce.  Of course each one in their own way probably though the other one was responsible.  We had the pleasure of talking to this couple once before and they were so kind as to share with us their amazing and powerful story of how both of them together did the fun, interesting, powerful, growthful, but mostly FUN, and turned-on hot juicy work/play journey of discovery to expanded orgasm, love and connection.  So we have here right now Heather and Robert.  So we’re going to find out today what would be the next step.  They’ve been together a year, so now what?  So without more ado, no pun intended, we’re going to just meet Heather and Robert and find out what’s next.

[music]

Dr. Patti Taylor: …Where are you at now with your love life and with your practice?  Anybody first?  Okay, Heather’s pointing.  There’s an old saying, “Women first into pleasure, men first into danger.”  So Robert, it looks like you’re first.

Robert: Okay.  So we are over a year into our path of expanded lovemaking. And we’re at the point now where Heather and I will… so a favorite evening of both of ours is to have our daughter go for a sleepover, so we have the house to ourselves.  And we don’t have to worry about anything.  We know that we’ll be uninterrupted.  And then I’ll make a nest for her, so I’ll get our bedroom the exact right temperature.  She loves it to be 76 degrees, so I’ll make it exactly 76 degrees in the bedroom.  I’ll turn on the heater and get it exactly the right temperature.  And I will set up or arrange the covers and get the pillows exactly the way she likes them, play some music that I know she’s going to like, some you know nice soft mellow Morchiba or something like that, set up the lighting, create the perfect environment.  And then I’ll do the expanded orgasm technique, this… sometimes it’s called the liver orgasm, where I’m just essentially massaging her.  I’ll massage her all around and then slowly start to concentrate in directly on her pussy and on her clitoris.  And we’ll do that for about an hour.  And you know maybe two to three minutes after I start, or sometimes immediately when I start touching her pussy, she’ll start to have an orgasm because she knows what’s coming and she knows how good it’s going to feel.  And then we kind of do with that… I ride her orgasm; I help her along with her orgasm, and sense what she needs next.  And then we’ll make love.  And we might do that for… I mean we’ll actually have what normal people would consider sex, or what most people consider sex, where we’re just fucking.  And we’ll do that for maybe 20 or 30 minutes, so that’s kind of where we are now…

Heather: And I would say they’re going very well, and every time we have an expanded lovemaking session, we always get something new out of it.  There’s some learning that continues to occur.  An example of that would be: One of the most recent times that we were together, I was actually feeling like I was orgasming before Robert even was in the room.  He was still in the bathroom, and I was lying in bed waiting for him and I felt like my body was going into orgasm.  And it was surprising to me but it was a very real sensation.  And so I haven’t really figured that out.  At first I was like, “Whoa!  That felt like an orgasm!”  And then I said, “Well that couldn’t have been an orgasm.  I can’t be lying here completely still, in bed, having an orgasm.”  And then all of a sudden it was like “whoosh!” another wave rolled over my body.  And so I pretty much don’t need Robert anymore and that’s a new thing, you know. [laughs]  So that was exciting.  The other thing that I would like is more… maybe some stroking that’s not quite as hard, not as much pressure, a little bit more touch that has a lot more sensitivity to it.  Sometimes I feel like Robert’s almost driving me in orgasm, and I would like him to take his hand off the accelerator a little bit and move more slowly into the sensation.  And also ground me more often so that I can go higher.  So I still feel like he’s so excited that he has this woman lying in front of him and he’s making her go into these fabulous orgasms that he gets a little carried away and he doesn’t quite understand the delicate instrument that I am.  So that’s something that, now that you ask me, that’s come up for me that I would have shared with him had I thought of it.  But no one asked me, so it’s news to Robert, and it’s really something that was maybe just internalized…

[music ends]

Dr. Patti Taylor: Welcome, Heather and Robert.

Heather: Hi, Patti.  It’s nice to be back.  Thank you.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Nice to have you back, Heather.

Robert: Hi, Patti.  Thanks for having us back again.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Hi, Robert.  It’s so great to have you both here.  Oh your energy is just so wonderful.  As we were saying…  Also, I want to add that we’ve chosen Heather and Robert because they are people, as I like to say, who are like you, and like me, because there was a time that I can very clearly remember in my life before I ever heard about this information.  And it was a time where I thought I knew everything there was to know about sex and lovemaking.  I can remember when I found out actually for myself about expanded lovemaking and all of this, my first was, “No thanks.  I’m really good at all of this.”  And I kind of laugh about it now, because I think now, if you were to ask me my opinion about expanded lovemaking, I would hope that I would be a very humble person and say, “You know, I’m just at the beginning of my learning and I teach beginners mind.”  So I hope that the more I go down this path the less I know and the more humble I become. 

But there is actually, the reverse is also true that you do get better and better and learn more and more.  And that’s really what we’re here to talk about today, ‘what’s next?’  So we’re going to actually be focusing on what’s next.  And in order to do that I’d like to start with a little catch-up, so who wants to go first and catch us up with a little kind of synopsis?  Where are you at now with your love life and with your practice?  Anybody first?  Okay, Heather’s pointing.  There’s an old saying, “Women first into pleasure, men first into danger.”  So Robert, it looks like you’re first.

Robert: Okay.  So we are over a year into our path of expanded lovemaking. And we’re at the point now where Heather and I will… so a favorite evening of both of ours is to have our daughter go for a sleepover, so we have the house to ourselves.  And we don’t have to worry about anything.  We know that we’ll be uninterrupted.  And then I’ll make a nest for her, so I’ll get our bedroom the exact right temperature.  She loves it to be 76 degrees, so I’ll make it exactly 76 degrees in the bedroom.  I’ll turn on the heater and get it exactly the right temperature.  And I will set up or arrange the covers and get the pillows exactly the way she likes them, play some music that I know she’s going to like, some you know nice soft mellow Morchiba or something like that, set up the lighting, create the perfect environment.  And then I’ll do the expanded orgasm technique, this… sometimes it’s called the liver orgasm, where I’m just essentially massaging her.  I’ll massage her all around and then slowly start to concentrate in directly on her pussy and on her clitoris.  And we’ll do that for about an hour.  And you know maybe two to three minutes after I start, or sometimes immediately when I start touching her pussy, she’ll start to have an orgasm because she knows what’s coming and she knows how good it’s going to feel.  And then we kind of do with that… I ride her orgasm; I help her along with her orgasm, and sense what she needs next.  And then we’ll make love.  And we might do that for… I mean we’ll actually have what normal people would consider sex, or what most people consider sex, where we’re just fucking.  And we’ll do that for maybe 20 or 30 minutes, so that’s kind of where we are now.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Okay, great.  So one thing…

Robert: And that was just a synopsis. [laughs]

Dr. Patti Taylor: That’s great!  Most people would pay a lot of money to trade places with you.  And one thing I like to do, especially starting out with my clients, is I like to get just what I call a stream of consciousness, because we’re going deeper in the session.  So we kind of want to find out where are your growing edges.  They’re either kind of where you’re challenged either by a stumbling block or you’re just so danged excited about getting somewhere that you can barely wait and you want stuff to work on or practice.  So you don’t even have to label it, but… And just maybe you could go for a few minutes or a minute or two; I’m not going to count.  But kind of a stream of consciousness about if you were to just sort of talk about your challenges or your goals or just those things that you strive for, you know, what do you think those might be?

Robert: Well, so what I described was an ideal evening.  Sometimes it doesn’t work that way.  So I’d like to be more consistent.  So there are times when Heather isn’t totally turned on, but things work out.  You know we have busy lives and sometimes we have to travel and we can’t always get a sleepover, a babysitter or get the time set up.  And when we do, then it’s our ‘window’ and we like to be able to have it work during that window of time.  And sometimes maybe Heather’s not turned on or something’s going on, and I’ll try and do the technique and do the strokes, but it’s just not working.  She’s not feeling it.  She gets this thing where her…she gets kind of “happy feet”, like she’s kind of… shifting her feet around.  I can tell she’s moving around but she’s not comfortable.  She’s just not feeling it.  So it would be nice to maybe learn how to read that and then maybe help her get into a state where she can relax and feel her pussy.  Because I mean literally there are times when we’re doing it and she’s not feeling her pussy.  It’s like the old days, you know, from two years ago.  So it would be nice to be more consistent or to figure out how to get us both right into that place where we need to be in order for her to feel it like she does on a good day, which is most of the time.  So that would be good, to learn how to be more consistent.

Dr. Patti Taylor: All right, well you just warmed my heart there, Robert, because “consistency” is one of my favorite words.  And a man who knows how to be consistent will probably be any woman’s hero, so you’re looking really good right now.

Now I’m going to talk to Heather, because I really like to hear from both people.  So Heather, from you then… kind of just bring us up to date on how things have been going.  And then also from you, kind of a little stream of consciousness on where you see your challenge.  And you can possibly respond to what Robert said, or maybe it’s an entirely different thing.  These things sort of have a magical way of kind of flowing together, so there’s no right or wrong.  I just want to hear from you too.

Heather: Okay.  The first question was, “How are things going?” And I would say they’re going very well, and every time we have an expanded lovemaking session, we always get something new out of it.  There’s some learning that continues to occur.  An example of that would be: One of the most recent times that we were together, I was actually feeling like I was orgasming before Robert even was in the room.  He was still in the bathroom, and I was lying in bed waiting for him and I felt like my body was going into orgasm.  And it was surprising to me but it was a very real sensation.  And so I haven’t really figured that out.  At first I was like, “Whoa!  That felt like an orgasm!”  And then I said, “Well that couldn’t have been an orgasm.  I can’t be lying here completely still, in bed, having an orgasm.”  And then all of a sudden it was like “whoosh!” another wave rolled over my body.  And so I pretty much don’t need Robert anymore and that’s a new thing, you know. [laughs]  So that was exciting. 

The other thing that I would like is more… maybe some stroking that’s not quite as hard, not as much pressure, a little bit more touch that has a lot more sensitivity to it.  Sometimes I feel like Robert’s almost driving me in orgasm, and I would like him to take his hand off the accelerator a little bit and move more slowly into the sensation.  And also ground me more often so that I can go higher.  So I still feel like he’s so excited that he has this woman lying in front of him and he’s making her go into these fabulous orgasms that he gets a little carried away and he doesn’t quite understand the delicate instrument that I am.  So that’s something that, now that you ask me, that’s come up for me that I would have shared with him had I thought of it.  But no one asked me, so it’s news to Robert, and it’s really something that was maybe just internalized. 

I’d also like to know more… when I get that sensation where I feel that releasing or that ‘washing’ feeling inside me, I’d like to know how to lengthen that feeling, because that is a really great sensation where it’s almost like I kind of go [moans] and I feel like I… it’s not like a climax, like a clitoral climax, but it’s definitely like a release.  And I can have four or five of those in a session, but they’re fairly short, and I’d like to know what that is and how to extend that feeling.  So off the top of my head those are some of the things that I’m thinking about in wanting to know where to go next.  And then one more that I would want to know is, instead of Robert’s just using his fingers on me, but instead when we’re having intercourse, what could he do for me to continue to have the same sensation or similar sensations that I’m having when we’re doing expanded orgasm, where he’s manipulating me with his fingers?  How could I have that when he’s using his penis?  What are some of the things that I could do for that?

Dr. Patti Taylor: Wow! [laughs]

Heather: Can you remember all that?  Do we need to write it down, Dr. Patti?

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well I probably would like to take some notes here, yes.  So yeah, I think I will write this down.

Heather: Okay.

Dr. Patti Taylor: And those are excellent questions, and so thank you.  Thank you.  So let’s get going with the continuity, because…  But I actually want to take a step back and go into the… Well one question I just want to ask you… you said that you would share these questions with Robert had you thought of them first.  So I just want to find out, is there any question out of everything you’ve told me that you would be hesitant to share with Robert?

Heather: No.  I’m not hesitant to share anything with him.  I tell him everything that I’m thinking that’s going to be valuable to him.  And that total honesty came out of the intimacy that we created by almost losing each other.  And having nothing left to lose and getting to complete and radical honesty with each other.  So he makes it so safe for me to tell him anything and he’s so non-judgmental, and he’s so willing to take any kind of information and make it work, that I don’t have any problem telling him anything.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Okay, so then really your issue is mostly just really what to tell him, not that you’re holding back on telling him them.  Because there are a lot of reasons why people don’t communicate.  So I just want to get the genre of communication here.  So okay, I’m going to break this down then into two main categories:  One, I’m seeing that you’re wanting to build out some more continuity in what you’re doing and you’re also wanting to expand your range, which are both… if there was one thing that you could do in addition to building out your continuity, it would be to expand your range.  So I think you’ve definitely gotten to some very good advanced questions here for people just outside of a year.  And I will say this is why this is a lifelong practice, because those are two things that you can do…

So let’s start with the continuity.  I want to ask you, what do you do, Robert, right now when you start out, as far as getting your mindset into a place where you’re sort of preparing yourself to really get into a groove or rhythm?  Do you do any kind of preparatory… anything mentally to kind of just get yourself into a mindset in preparation?

Robert: Well you know after I set up the room, which kind of by itself is a ritual, which definitely gets me into that mindset and helps me remember all the other times that we’ve done this, and similar location and a similar environment.  And Heather’s there lying down, comfortable.  Everything’s perfect.  And then I’ll straddle her in the position so I’ll put one leg over her and then one leg under her and I’m kind of facing here so I can have a good approach to being able to massage her, to massage her pussy.  And I’ll just feel her.  I’ll just try to feel where she is and connect with her.  And I’ll put my hand on her tummy and maybe a hand on her thigh and just see her skin and feel where she is, and then try and anticipate what kind of touch she’s going to want.  So it seems like one of the touches I need to practice or work on is maybe a little lighter touch, not so driving.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Now, we teach something called “peaking”.  And peaking is the art of giving somebody a touch that has deliberate pauses, followed by continuous uninterrupted sensation.  So if I could demonstrate that through sound, it would be… and I’ll give you some sound sort of punctuated by peaking, OK.  So it would be stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke… peak… stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke… peak… stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke… peak.  So let’s say every eight strokes was a peak.  Now rhythmic peaking would have it every eight strokes and then notice it was a pretty short peak.  Now when it’s intentional peaking, that’s really nice for the woman because it actually communicates at a non-verbal level that you’re in control.  And it’s very soothing and comforting to her.  And a woman is often very nervous.  When you can show her that you’re in control non-verbally by maintaining a really steady rhythm… it’s also, it’s got a hypnotic beat to it.  It puts a woman into a trance, an orgasmic trance, and then she can start to surrender.  And when you put her into this rhythmic orgasmic trance she starts to feel more.  Okay?  So that’s a very important thing to know.  And so for you to have that rhythm in your mind… now it’s not necessarily eight and one, eight and one, although that’s not a bad one to start out with.  But to be on the lookout for what’s that… and it might be that for a while you’re not really peaking her much at all.  You’re just doing something very steady, like just really steady circles that are just going around and around; at some point you are going to want to give her a deliberate pause.  She will feel your intention.  Are you with me so far?

Robert: Well, so I don’t understand the stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke… peak.  What’s the peak?  What are you doing?  What’s being done differently on peak?

Dr. Patti Taylor: Okay, well the peak is basically just… it’s either an unintentional pause or an intentional pause.  Of course a master giver of pleasure will be sure it’s an intentional one.  So you’re giving… you’re adding and adding and adding and adding energy basically with each stroke.  So imagine you’re climbing a set of stairs.  So you’re adding, adding, adding, adding, and then when you pause, you’re giving a break in the adding of energy.  And so that’s giving the person a chance to digest the input of energy.  And interestingly enough, when there’s a peak, the person was expecting another stroke.  And when they don’t get that stroke, they themselves supply the stroke in their own brain circuitry.  And this is not unlike what happens in electricity, I’ve been told, where they supply a certain amount of electricity, and then there’s a break in the supply, and then they supply another burst, and it goes right on through.  There’s a connect that’s made anyway.  And actually that makes it more powerful.  And when the person supplies little bursts of their own, and they interject that sensation of their own to make up for the gap in the energy that the giver of pleasure has been supplying, when the receiver supplies, “Oh, I didn’t get it.  I’m giving some, because I wanted that!  Where was it?”  They give some; they’re adding to the energy. 

Now sometimes that energy, I mean that peak, can be very subtle.  It can just be a half a stroke, and the receiver may not even particularly notice it, because you don’t want to peak really obviously, because it can be a little frustrating.  But it can just be enough that you’re just giving them enough to just fill in the blank, and then you’re moving on.  So it’s stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke… peak… stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke… peak.  And it will change.  And that’s the great art of peaking, is in the beginning, starting out, you’re starting out with probably much longer sets, and then peaking, and then as you go towards climax, if that’s where you’re wanting to go, you’re having much shorter peaks.  And this applies to men and women.  Stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke… peak… stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke… peak… stroke, stroke… peak… stroke, stroke, stroke… peak… stroke, stroke, stroke… peak… and you build them up to send them over the edge.  So you can even hear it; it gets very climactic.  Or if you want to take them away from going over the edge, you start lengthening the amount of strokes between peaks.  But that’s continuity; it’s just having that awareness.  What’s not continuity would be this, where you had a series of strokes that was random, like ten strokes and then a peak, four strokes and then a peak, nine strokes and then three peaks.  What that will do is that will be disorienting to the person who’s receiving it.  They won’t possibly be able to verbalize why, but it will.  So when you start to be conscious of this and be rhythmic, that might make a huge change in how they begin to surrender into your touch.

Robert: Good.

Heather: I noticed when Robert first started to rub my genitals and he was working on all of these different techniques, when he would make an abrupt change between one stroke and another, it was very jarring for me.  So I can understand what you’re saying about the continuity of the stroke.  It makes sense to me.  I get that.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Yes, and continuity applies to upstrokes and down-strokes.  And I’ll define that: Upstrokes are what some people would say are strokes that are designed to take somebody higher, and down-strokes are strokes that are what some people would say are kind of adding a lot of pressure, or heavy pressure strokes.  And it doesn’t matter what kind of strokes you’re giving somebody… the peak is the pause in between, and they’re all adding energy, no matter what you say.  And I would say that the continuity would also have to do with what kind of changes that you make.  If you go from circles to up-and-down to sideways, that’s pretty disorienting.  You can do that, and we’re going to talk about range in a moment, but you know if you heard a piano concerto that went from classical to jazz to some other kind of music straightaway, that would be a little disconcerting.  So gradual transitions will help keep your beloved in that flow state.  And that’s what we want to do, so to have those continuous gradual changes really, really helps to keep the mood going up and smooth.  So you want to be smooth.  So are you willing to give that a try?

Robert: Yes.  Yeah, definitely.  Continuous, smooth, gradual changes, consistency, stroke, stroke, stroke… peak.  Okay, we’re going to work on that.  I have something to practice now.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Yeah.  The funny thing about all of this is that we give out all these practices, and then at the end of the day you’re supposed to drop your mind and not think about anything, but be in the feeling, because I love what you said in the beginning about, “You know, I just really want to feel her.”  And that was so beautiful, and that’s where it’s at.  So I ask you, how do you feel that, and then keep these practices?  You want to…  I’m just kind of playing with you a little here.  Got any ideas?

Robert: Well I think the just being in the moment and feeling where she is.  You know feeling… how her skin feels at that moment.  And then also one thing that I like about having the different things in the back of my mind that I can try is that I know that there are things that I’ve tried in the past and I know what the response has been then.  And if I can see where she is at that moment, I might think, “Well, I did this last time; I can do this, this next time.”  Or I might try something new, so…  But the part that I’ll work on, I had never done the stroke, stroke, stroke…pause, so intentionally.  So that’s exciting.  That’s a new thing to add into the whole bag of tricks.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well I have a suggestion for you.  That’s an age-old dichotomy, how do you practice on something when you’re supposed to be in the moment?  So I, what I often recommend is that you set up a sandbox because when you’re really connecting with Heather, you absolutely just want to feel Heather.  I mean, what could be more interesting or important than that connection?  And you know, that’s lovemaking.  So I often recommend that you do what we call… set up a sandbox.  So you take 15 minutes where the goal… I mean of course it’s to connect, and of course, you know, it’s always to connect, but where you just say, “Honey, how would you like to set aside this time on let’s say Friday at 4:00 to practice continuity?  Would that be okay with you?”  So that you have it as an explicit goal, so that it, you know, you have it that no one’s going to be offended or their feeling be hurt.  Actually it’s going to be great if…  You say, “Is it okay?”  And you both talk about the peaking and how is that continuity and you know, “Hey, I noticed this.”  And hey, I noticed that.  So you keep the feeling.  But you really just practice the continuity, and so you give yourselves permission to really study and examine that one aspect.  And so we call it a sandbox, where you bracket some time.  And then hey if you want to like make wild passionate love or go into like an expanded orgasmic session afterwards, then that’s fine.  But we find it’s really helpful because the mind can’t wrap itself around the…  you actually just set aside that time in particular for that study, as it were.

So we’re going to take a break so we can hear from our fabulous sponsors. And so please stay with us.  We’re talking to Heather and Robert.  This is Dr. Patti Taylor, and we’ll be right back.

[break]

Dr. Patti Taylor: We’re back, and I’m Dr. Patti Taylor, and you’re listening to Heather and Robert as they have been brave enough to come in confront and find out about what’s next and what might be some of the ways they could expand on an already wonderful practice of expanded lovemaking.  So thank you very much for being here, Heather and Robert. Okay, yes.  I’d love to hear from you, Heather.

Heather: One of the things that I’ve been reflecting on as you’ve been talking to Robert is that the moment’s really in consistency here, but you were talking about consistency of stroke and one of the things that Robert was talking about was consistency of outcome.  You know, if out of ten times that we begin to have an expanded orgasm session together, you know one or two of those times it’s hard for me to settle.  It’s hard for me to relax.  It’s hard for me to get down and I get happy… he called it “happy feet”.  My legs are wiggly; I’m squirmy.  I can’t really focus.  I can’t get into the rhythm of the moment.  And I was thinking, I felt like you really appreciated what it was like when you were joking about worrying about mastodons.  It really does feel like it’s something out of my control and I was thinking, “Well what could help that?”  I think I need more reassurance from Robert in that moment, like, “It’s okay, Heather; we’re going to be here.  No one’s going to come.  The phone’s not going to ring.  No one’s going to come to the door.  Your child is not here.  You can totally relax.  I’m here for you.  Let’s take our time.  How can I help you get into the moment?”  Then I was wondering, “Do you have any better advice when I’m feeling like that, about how to relax?” because I hate to squander those precious opportunities to connect with Robert.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Oh, well, yes, I do have some suggestions for you.  First of all, it’s a very beautiful question and thank you very much for asking that, because I don’t think you’re the only one who’s feeling that.  That happens to me, by the way, so it probably happens to a lot of people.  And I think so it’s the first thing to realize is that it just happens.  Nobody… I mean not “nobody” but… pleasure is far more confrontive than pain.  So for all our listeners who are out there just listening to this show, I think just acknowledge yourselves to really go and have deliberate pleasure, to connect and go into this joy and pleasure, it means that we are letting down our guard, that we are putting aside all our cares, we are stripping away all our barriers that we have built up into the world.  You know, we’re letting that all go, to have this deep vulnerable intimate connection with another human being that we want to have, where hey, just ten minutes ago what were we doing on the phone?  What were we doing on the freeway?  You know, so just first of all to appreciate that we are making quite a transition, and I don’t know if we give ourselves enough appreciation, because to really go into a deep and powerful expanded orgasmic state requires that we really are a different person.  It requires that we’re integrated, because we, to really feel everything, we have to spread that energy from our genitals throughout our body.  We have to leave that stuff outside the door.  Now the good news is, we can, because it’s just stuff.  And for example I teach that kind of stuff; it’s very easy.  There is something I teach called a “grounding breath”, where you can just breathe up and imagine the energy lining up all of your energy centers and letting it go and all of that, and just…  And I’m not, I don’t mean to go through that now, but if you could take some deep breaths, you could say to yourself, “Oh, I haven’t really let go of everything yet.”  And just acknowledge, “Oh, I’m nervous.  I haven’t fully made the transition yet.”  Robert, you can acknowledge, “Do you still feel like, you know, you’re still transitioning?”  And just acknowledge, “Thank you for being here.”

Some other tips that would be very helpful is to put your hand, Robert, on Heather’s abdomen, and perhaps one on her heart, and just hold it there in stillness.  And both of you can just be present and ground.  And just that stillness and that presence, and maybe that silence, just helps to really get, really change the channel.  So don’t really start until you really feel like you’ve arrived.  And it doesn’t have to take a really long time and sometimes just these really simple presencing acts of the acknowledgements and the few deep breaths.  And how hard it is turns into, “Wow, how easy it is.”

Heather: Thank you.  Thank you so much.  That’s really…it’s simple.  And you’re right.  It is just giving myself the space to say, “Hey, I am nervous.”  When you said “nervous” I thought, “Bingo!”  That’s a lot of times what it is.  There is a little performance anxiety that comes up for me and so you saying “nervous” really zeroed it in for me.  I’m nervous.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well actually what it is, is you’re feeling a lot of energy… well I don’t want to diagnose you here.  I’m going to guess.  I’m going to guess that’s what’s really going on is that you’re feeling energy.  And energy is… we call it “the four F’s”… “fight, flight, feed, or make love” Can I use the F word on this show? [laughter] Okay, “fight, flight, feed or fuck, “ okay so those are the four F’s that come with what we call ‘sympathetic arousal’.  And when you’re turned on, you’re just arousing your sympathetic nervous system.  Now the mind is still trying to control things because you haven’t fully transitioned.  So you’re mind is going, “Oh, I feel this energy.  Must be something wrong.  Okay, I’m nervous.  Right?”  But maybe you’re just feeling energy and you’re wanting to label it.  This is so common with people who are expanded orgasmic practitioners.  I’m telling you, it is the most common thing, ok.  Every person passes through this.  So we just laugh about it, “Okay!  Oh, it’s that energy again, right?”  But we used to label it.  That’s why we laugh at it, “Okay, there’s that energy.”  And you often recognize this energy because you’ll knock over a glass of water, or the light, you’ll knock over the light.  You’ll rearrange the pillows, the light falls, or whatever.  So it’s that energy.  And the energy… you don’t want to label the energy because that’s your turn-on.  It’s beautiful!  It’s that same turn-on that’s going to be your friend in a moment.  Now you want that energy and you don’t want to quash it.  Now the thing to be careful of is that turn-on can lead to anesthesia, and what I mean is we just want to be careful because it can numb you out.  And that may be why you’re not feeling so much, because if you’re going… remember I said, “Flight, fright, feed or flee, or fuck” I already said five of them already.  So you want to take it into turn on, make love.  So what you want to do is you want to take all the other F’s that aren’t any good, you want to take them down to zero and bring it up into turn-on.  So when you want to say, “Okay, I’m aroused.  I’m excited, and a little nervous, and letting go of my day.  There’s that energy; oh goody!  I’m ready to have a great date.  Isn’t this cool?  I just need to take it down and reorient it, and I want to do that so I can feel my pussy and not freeze my pussy.”  So this is so important.  You with me so far?

Heather: Yes.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Does this sound familiar?

Robert: It does.  And yet the amazing thing is that the thing that Heather was describing earlier, where she was laying on the bed, having an orgasm, and I hadn’t even touched her yet, that was just a few days later… a few days earlier we had done a session where she had gotten the “happy feet” and couldn’t feel her pussy at all.  And it’s amazing how there could be such a difference in just a couple of days.

Dr. Patti Taylor: So, often when you can’t feel anything it’s because you’re over-excited, and so very often you can turn this around.  The not feeling, of numbing out is the anesthesia that comes from being nervous or n too much over-excitement.  So what you want to do when you have that, either the nervous excitement or the sense of freezing, is you want to bring the energy down to neutral, so that you can bring it up again in turn-on.  So again, what you want to do is… Robert we’re going to go back to you now, to take control here.  This is… See how these all weave together?  It’s so amazing; they’re always connected.  Such a cool universe.  Okay, so you want to put your hand, one hand on her heart if you can, but definitely have a hand on her abdomen.  Yeah, and maybe the other one on her pussy.  Start to do that; have a hand on her abdomen in the pleasuring position.  There are illustrated books that would show… I believe my book talks about it and there are other books that are illustrated.  Or my DVD.  And maybe the other one just gently resting on her pussy.  And just be present together, and breathe together, and let… and you can just start realizing and feeling, and maybe doing some deep breathing and just letting go, and just sort of getting that this is a good thing and not like… this is like your mind is going, “This is wrong; this is bad.” And it’s digging a hole in that ground and it’s like freezing you up.  And it’s like, “I can’t feel now,” and it’s like the mind will go… and so what you want to do is you actually want to put your attention on feeling and say, “You know what? His hand, wow, it’s warm.”  You want to look for any feeling you can. “His hand, wow, on my abdomen.  Wow, that feels so centering” And you want to begin to appreciate anything you can.  Again, it’s amazing and then the turn-on will come up.  So you can take down the “freeze and the flee” and then you go right up into the turn-on.  And it’s just amazing how fast these things will shift, just like that.

Heather: Alright, I can try that.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Okay, some useful suggestions here, right?  Okay, so got that one covered.  Okay, so we’re going to take another break.  We have these fabulous sponsors; we want to hear from them.  We’re talking to Heather and Robert, these wonderful people who are on a fabulous path.  They started out just like so many of us, just wondering what they could do to bring some turn-on into their lives, and within a year have found riches beyond their wildest dreams.  Their story is so encouraging and inspiring.  Even I get goose-bumps.  So please stay with us.  We’ll be right back.  This is Dr. Patti Taylor.

[break]

Dr. Patti Taylor: We’re back.  This is Dr. Patti Taylor, and we’re talking to Heather and Robert.  So, let’s go on to more questions.  I think we’re all totally inspired to have everyone relaxed and continuous.  And so why don’t we just revisit the question about all these wonderful sensations washing over you?  That sounds so yummy.  Who wouldn’t want that?  But I wonder if you would just restate the question for us again, Heather?

Heather: Sure.  I’m asking you, Dr. Patti, what it is that’s happening to me.  You did a really good job explaining the kind of nervous energy, the “fight, flight, food, fuck” thing, which is great.  I get that now!  And it’s going to make a lot easier when I have “happy feet”, to understand what’s happening for me.  So the next thing that I want to understand in what’s happening with me is that while Robert is stroking me, I get…you know I go up, up, up; I come down a little bit; I go up, up, up; I have all those kinds of things, but also I get this feeling like there’s some kind of a… when I say a “washing over me”, it feels like all of a sudden I hit this really strong moment of even more intense pleasure.  It feels like it’s really in my pelvic area.  And it feels like my muscles are kind of undulating and then it feels like… to me it feels like I get really wet and like I have a release.  And I’m thinking that it’s possibly ejaculation, but I don’t know.  And I don’t know what he’s doing that’s causing it.  I can’t tie those things together either.  So I was just wondering if you could tell me about that.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Sure.

Robert: I actually do know what I’m doing, typically.  I’m usually doing a g-spot massage when that’s happening.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Okay, and do you notice any liquid being expelled or what?

Robert: Maybe.  So it’s hard to tell sometimes, you know because it’s usually a little dark and so…like maybe a little tiny bit, like it does get wetter.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Okay, great.  So do you want to describe what kind of a g-spot massage you’re doing?

Robert: Sure.  So I’ll…and it’s usually at the same time as I’m doing strokes on her clitoris with my right hand.  With my left hand I’ll usually have, it’s usually two fingers up insider her introitus about two knuckle lengths in.  And I’m just kind of stroking and massaging in a length-wise stroke on her g-spot, or sometimes it’s circular.  And when she’s describing this kind of release I do notice that her… I think it’s her PC muscles, the pubococcygeus muscles, PC muscles, are kind of like things are really going crazy, down in there.  It’s like a lot of contractions and moving and it’s really fun.  It’s really fun to feel all of that excitement going on.  So that’s kind… all that seems to be… that’s from my end what’s happening when she’s experiencing what she feels as that kind of “washing over” her.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Aha, now is she pushing up?  Do you notice that she’s sort of like bearing down as if she’s having a baby? I mean, not having a baby, but bearing down and pushing.  Do you feel that from her as well at the same time?  Or is it just the contractions?

Robert: I don’t know.  I wouldn’t know what to look for with the bearing down.  But definitely it’s not like the normal contractions.  Because she will have a lot of contractions where it’s just like her pussy’s contracting.  This is more like there are multiple things, multiple muscles involved that’s squeezing and things are moving around.  And I notice her urethral sponge is kind of like slipping around.  And its a lot more activity than a normal contraction.

Dr. Patti Taylor: OK, so I’m getting two questions here.  Number one, “what’s going on?”  And number two, “How can we have way more of these?”

[laughter]

Dr. Patti Taylor: Are these the questions, basically?

Heather: Yeah, yeah.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Alright, great.  So let’s start with the easy one, which is “What’s going on?”  And I’m going to just say that you know I think everyone is really different, and not only are they really different but the same person can have a lot of different kinds of experiences.  So I’m just going to guess that you’re probably having an intense over-the-edge experience.  I don’t know if you’re ejaculating or not, so I’m just going to sort of take a break here and talk about maybe what’s a really good way to have someone ejaculate, and maybe that fits your profile or not.  However, I will speak for myself and say, as an ejaculator, that very often I’ll have intense crazy wild orgasms, and a) ejaculate; b) sometimes I’ll do it and not ejaculate; and c) sometimes I’ll have wild crazy stuff where it’ll feel like I’ll ejaculate and just a little bit will dribble out.  And they’ll all feel amazing.  So I don’t have much going on whether I ejaculate or not.  And I know that there’s a huge movement going on, to ejaculate.  And I think if you have that ability, there’s no harm at all in developing it, and I will definitely talk about how to do it.  I learned to just be a choice about whether I want to do it, depending on you know if there were bookshelves in front of me and whether I want to get them yellow or not, or white or full of my, you know, ejaculate or not, if I felt like changing the sheets that night was equally a consideration as to whether I wanted to do it or not.  So it’s a lot of fun, but I don’t feel that I would have any less pleasure if I didn’t.  But I think maybe if I never ejaculated I might say something very different, so…   And I do know this, that women that just dribble out the teeniest little bit often have just as much fun as a giant gusher.  I have maybe, I won’t say ‘thousands’ but I probably have hundreds of girlfriends that ejaculate.  I mean I did a PhD thesis with 44 friends.  I found them in an hour.  So I have a lot of friends [indistinct].  So I do, I have hundreds of girlfriends that ejaculate.  So I know.  So… I’m not in their bodies, but I don’t think it matters and whether you do a little or a lot, I really do think that it’s so much more involved.  And there’s the connection with your partner and there’s everything else going on. 

So having said that [indistinct] I will say this: some really great ways to ejaculate, what I would say, get your partner really warmed up.  Most women like to have the clitoris stimulated first.  I find a really good way for me is for the man to enter in a slowly…I say, “Take your territory when you come in with tromission with the lower hand, micro-inch by micro-inch.  Feather the labia with your fingers because they’re very touch-sensitive and then go in really, really slowly to drive her crazy, because you want a woman to be pushing out with her labia.  The push-out is what a woman does when she’s ejaculating.  So if you could imagine like peeing really hard or really just pushing out a baby, that’s what she’s doing when she’s ejaculating.  So the more that you can really have her reach…  Ok just imagine just push…  and even when you’re doing her, and with really good peaking…   And we’ll have to have you back for an advanced lesson, because we want to teach you how to tease Heather so that she’s begging for sensation, just drooling and hungry, just so hungry that she’s just quivering.  And when you stop, she’s not just like reaching for it like, you know with her mind, but her whole body just jumps to grab it.  And she’s supplying a voltage shock and she just, “Give me that, “you know and it’s totally [indistinct] and she’s just a [growl] and she’s just like, “Gimme that.  Gimme that.  Gimme that.” And she’s really contracting out, and that’s what we want to see.  That’s in our next lesson.  And actually going lighter will actually… and because you brought that up, sometimes going lighter will actually evoke that response.  So you want to know when to go heavier and when to go lighter, because it has her reaching in that sense.  And so you want to go kind of in like slow enough to have her just begging and hungry and, “Please, please, please, “ and but you want to have that right balance, you know.  You want to deliver it to her, too.  You don’t want to annoy her.

[laughter]

Dr. Patti Taylor: Tease her a little bit, but then, you know, gratify her, you know.  She is your beloved, so.  But you want to get to her… the underside of her pelvic bone and kind of lock on at some point, you know, have mercy on her eventually.  Well maybe not, don’t have mercy.  Well have mercy [indistinct].  Anyway, grab onto the underside of her pelvic bone, and you want to like hook under there and just kind of start rocking not just her pelvic bone but almost her whole body through there.  And it’s a faster rocking than you think.  And often you’ve been doing this for a while but it’s a slightly faster speed.  And then you can just sort of slide your two fingers, your index finger and your middle finger kind of up through her urethral sponge.  You want to stay pressing kind of with your fingers up against the urethral sponge with a little bit of a hook, and go a little faster than you think.  But you want to get into a nice rhythmic groove.  And you want to be rhythmic, because you can’t think… you know that was for your practice session.  And you can practice this too in another sandbox.  When you’re just really in there you just have to be that person.  And you want to be really rhythmic and just really in it, and just kind of milking her, and say, “Come here, baby, come here, come here, come here.  I want you.”  And just really just getting it from her and just visualizing it, “I’m taking you, I’m taking you,” and going faster and faster and faster, and just, “I’m not going to let up until you give it to me, baby.”  And ooh, boy!

Robert: So the speed would be like one stroke per second? Or two strokes per second?

Heather: Can you say it?  Say it for the people who are listening, because we can see your fingers moving, but they can’t and I feel so bad for them, because we’re totally getting the straight information.  So how would you speak that stroke?

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well how would you speak it?  What did it look like to you?

Heather: Well what it looked like was that you had fingers and they were slightly curved so it was almost like I was saying to you, “Come here.”  You know how your mother points a finger at you upside down and curls it up and back to herself and sys, “Come here.”  But you were doing that with two fingers, and you were curling them up and you had them open.  They were split apart; you didn’t have the two fingers together, because you were kind of going up inside the vagina with your fingers open and you were stroking them, pulling down on the upper part of the vagina.  But the question that I didn’t get… I got the intention and I got he stroke, the ‘pull, pull, pull, pull, pull’ but is it that fast or faster, or is it… will you tell us that?

Dr. Patti Taylor: Yeah, now the reason you want to split your fingers is you want to avoid the urethral pipe, okay, because that’ll feel unpleasant to the woman.  Plus you kind of get a better grip with the two fingers and so yeah it’s kind of like a da-da-da-da-da-da-da…  don’t know if I can do this, let’s see.  Let’s see, let me do it first… da-da-da-da-da-da-da-… Well you know what I would… here’s what I would suggest; I guess I’m a little hesitant, but here’s what I would suggest.  Every woman is different and the thing I teach as gospel, absolute gospel is… and I know I’m not one of the great teachers in the world but the only person that’s better than me as far as any couple is concerned are the two people in that relationship.   So always the woman should let the man know what works for her, and on one occasion you know it might be slower than that, and on another occasion it might be faster.  And so again you can have a sandbox on it.  It tends to be, for a really good, you know, “Honey, I just want to ejaculate,” it tens to be faster than you would think, but what “faster” is probably will vary from person to person.  But I would say don’t just go in there and sort of glad-handle, manhandle her, but have that really springy velvety touch, but get a grip.  So I know I’m asking a lot, but you want to do that, but really still make love to her and have that intention, but rock your baby. And give it to her.  She’ll love you big-time for it.

Robert: Okay.

Dr. Patti Taylor: So, I don’t know.  We didn’t cover ‘expanding your range’.

Heather: I think you just expanded our range.

[laughter]

Heather: I’d actually like to ask Robert how different what Dr. Patti explained to you is than what you’ve been doing?  Because I can’t really tell what you’re doing down there.  I love it!  And it feels really good!  But I can’t tell what it is.  I know that you spread your fingers apart, maybe because of the little, like the little clit lags that are in there.

Robert: I do?  Actually, that’s what I’m visualizing, the lower part of the clitoris, actually down against the inside wall of the vagina, and… but I’ve been doing it slower.  It’s been a slower, like maybe one stroke per second.  And what you just demonstrated with the da-da-da-da-da-da is maybe three strokes per second.  So that’s maybe three times faster than I’m doing it now, which will be interesting to try and see what happens.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well I think the key to this is you want to build up.  You don’t just start that way.  And it’s…

Robert: This is like maybe 30 minute into it or 40 minutes into it, after Heather’s totally warmed up and she’s had some peaks already…

Heather: When my clit popped.  Whatever that is!

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well the clit popping is that you just got really hard.  You know clits get engorged too, just like penises do.  So when it popped it’s just like really racked.  You know and that’s probably when it lengthened too, by the way.  So the thing about the speeding up is I think it’s good to just kind of dilly-dally around and drive her crazy and have her begging and reaching and you know, kind of doing all the things we were talking about.  And then when you want her to ejaculate, that’s when she’s nice and ready and just ready for a change and ready to kind of go for it and just take things up a notch.  And that’s when you would want to have what I would call a slow steady progression.  So you just get this look in your eye, like, “Ok, baby, we’ve been fooling around here for awhile and it’s been fun and you look like you’re having a good time.  But no more fooling around.  I’m taking you to the stars and you don’t have much to say about it.  So just fasten your seatbelt, or not, because it’s my time now, so we’re going,” and you know.  It looks like Robert likes this idea.

Robert: I do.  It’s always a good idea.

P And so anyway, that’s when you just sort of change your strategy and you just start slowly building the energy and slowly picking up speed, and you are not going to let anything stop you.  And Heather, you are going to feel it.  It’s like, “Oh my God, things have changed!  He’s not slowing down.”  And it’s just a slow creep, but you can’t escape.  And you just feel the inevitable coming over you and then you go through your own motions, like, “Oh my God, how do I get out of this?”  And then you think, “Oh my God.”  And then you go, “This is a good thing, actually,” and you’re like, “Oh my God; this is great.”  And you go through the whole range of knowing that, you know, the inevitable is going to happen and he’s in total control.  It’s really wonderful and you just play it for all it’s worth.

Robert: Sounds like a plan.  I can’t wait to try.

Heather: Thank you Dr. Patti.  It was really good to hear you tell the whole story. And I’m totally turned on now.

[laughter]

Dr. Patti Taylor: Okay, well I want you to do your homework.  Write a report. [laughs]

Okay, well that concludes our for today, so I’m glad that you’re going to practice and thank you so much for coming on our show.  You’ve been listening, listeners, to Heather and Robert Hoopman, so brave and so kind to share once again their inner life with us.  You’re listening to Dr. Patti Taylor and the Expanded Lovemaking show.  So if you have any questions, please write me, [email protected].  For text and transcripts of this show, please visit our website at PersonalLifeMedia.com.  Thank you so much for joining us today.  By the way, I wanted to add that Heather and Robert have an episode page and they will put up their favorite links to books and DVD’s and anything else they think will encourage and inspire other people like them to get started on this path.  So visit their episode page if you’re interested.  So once again, thank you so much for joining us today.  And I remain yours in ever-expanded love.  Thanks so much for joining, and bye for now.

Announcer:  Find more great shows like this on personallifemedia.com