Episode 22: Juicy Genital Massage for Women and Men with Carolena Fleishman, Director of the Sacred Space Institute

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In this special show, Dr. Patti Taylor interviews Carolena Fleishman, Director of the Sacred Space Institute. She is a certified sexological body worker who’s facilitated healing, pleasure and transformation for thousands of men, women and couples over the past 10 years. Carolena shares how she began her own process of healing and transformation in her 20s, noticing what she didn’t notice, when she couldn’t feel pleasure in her own pussy. Find out how things have changed for her! Learn how she began using breathing and other modalities to begin feeling so much more pleasure all over her body. Carolena shares some simple breathing techniques you can do while sitting in an office or walking down the street, or even on a hot sexy dinner date.

Transcript

Juicy Genital Massage for Women and Men: Dr. Patti Talks to Carolena Fleishman, Director of the Sacred Space Institute

Announcer:  This program is intended for mature audiences only.

[intro music]

[Intro] In this juicy show, you’ll learn how to breathe into your genitals, how to give your partner lots of the right kind of communication and the importance of being invited in first through words and through those delicate throbbing contractions from either the man or the woman you’re massaging.

[excerpts  from interview]

“Make love to yourself. Become your favorite lover. Find time when you’ll not be interrupted. Put off the phone, put on your favorite nightie or scented candle. Get some wonderful lube. Don’t pleasure yourself necessarily to a climax, pleasure yourself for the extraordinary sensational experience of pleasure.”

“So the first thing I like to do with my lover is to eye gaze and breathe. And once we’ve established a nice connection on this level, I usually take their hand and I’ll place their hand somewhere on my body and I’ll actually begin to teach them how to touch my yoni on an area other than my yoni because, well I want the touch to be so intuitive. I want the touch to really receive as much from my body as I receive from their hand. So, we sensitize the hand. The hand becomes an instrument of God.  We send love, we send light. Visualizations will work and once we have a man or a woman who has this kind of  sensitivity in the palm in the fingertips then we’re very much ready to approach the sacred yoni temple.”

[music fades]

Dr. Patti Taylor: Welcome to the Expanded Lovemaking show. If you haven’t already, please be sure to subscribe to our show to get free automatic updates to all upcoming shows as soon as they’re released. I’m your host, Dr. Patti Taylor of expandedlovemaking.com and I teach people how to give and receive way more pleasure then they ever dreamed possible. Today on the show, we are talking about juicy genital massage.

Many people think of a genital massage as something you do on the way to better things.  I think that after today, your mind will be opened to having a hot, sexy, happening genital massage no matter what happens next. My guest is Carolena Fleishman, Director of the Sacred Space Institute.  Welcome Carolena.

Carolena Fleishman: Hi Patti.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Hi. Welcome.

Carolena Fleishman: Thanks for having me.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well, it is so much my pleasure. As director of the Institute, Carolena travels around the country gathering all types of people together for transformative experiences that help them connect their minds, hearts, bodies and spirits. She’s a sexological bodyworker and a tantric educator with extensive training in the arts of sexual healing. She’s been facilitating sexual healing for both men and women for over ten years. I’m so glad you’re here with us today.

Carolena Fleishman: Oh it’s so great to be here. Thanks for having me.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Yeah, well I think our listeners love information about fun especially when it’s about transformation too. And, your programs do go deep into heart, body, spirit and awareness. I love the depth you take people to while still inviting them to open to pleasure. So today, let’s talk about one of your programs and specifically, the juicy genital massage. 

Carolena, you teach these for both women and men so I’m hoping we’ll have time to hear about both. So I want to start by hearing more about your teaching sensuality and sexuality to groups. How did a nice girl like you, a professional belly dancer, a yoga instructor and a seminar leader wind up teaching all these wonderful things?

Carolena Fleishman: Well, I would say it was definitely my life’s path. I was raised in a very open and free household. As a matter of fact, it was so open and so free, my single mom who was an artist and painted beautiful paintings of naked women right in our kitchen, she would actually insist that my sister and I, for example, sleep in the nude. She would say, “You must sleep in the nude and let your body breathe.”

Well at some levels, it was really a wonderful thing for my mother to have gifted my sister and I with this freedom but at another level, it was kind of an opposite problem because in my teens and twenties, I became very promiscuous and really was like the girl who couldn’t say no. And oddly enough even though I was completely out there and promiscuous, I really wasn’t at all home in my body. I mean to say, it wasn’t like I ever really felt pleasure. I just really had a lot of different experiences.

Dr. Patti Taylor: First off, if you weren’t feeling pleasure, how did that show up for you? How did you know you weren’t feeling pleasure? Sort of, how did you know what you didn’t know kind of a question.

Carolena Fleishman:  Well I wish I could say it happened overnight but it probably took about ten years until I was really in my late twenties and I started to really discover that I was doing this typically female thing. I was really pleasing my man and very little of the sexual experience I was finding was about me. I’m not saying I wasn’t having an orgasm. Well, I was having your typical squeeze and pop orgasm. You know the one that kind of goes like this, “Eh ah oh! Oh! I think I’m coming, oh oh!!” Well that’s probably about ten percent about what we know we’re able to have when we stop the tension type orgasm.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Yeah, well, wow. That sounds like a lot of work, huh?

Carolena Fleishman: It is a lot of work. It’s a lot of clenching. And I’m not saying if that’s the type of orgasm that some of your listeners are having that it’s a bad thing, I just want to let them know that there’s more on the menu.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Right now, you and I both know, orgasms are good things. So we’re starting from there and of course we always want to say, how can we have more and better, right? So you started down that path of more and better.

Carolena Fleishman:  Right so getting back to my story, I was the girl who couldn’t say no and I was enjoying, I would say about ten percent of my sexual experiences having these kind of tight clenched orgasms.  I guess through the wonderful transformational movements that were occurring in the late seventies and early eighties, I started to really come into, well what else is there? What else is available to me?

The backdrop of the feminist movement was really just the catalyst I needed to start taking back my body and investigating. In fact, even pulling from the Buddhist tradition of being the witness to really scan over what was true for me, what was real for my body. And that really opened up the whole world of delving into the sacred space of the yoni.

Dr. Patti Taylor: You were delving into the yoni and how you found that it was a great place for you to delve for your own healing.

Carolena Fleishman: Yes. My interest in my own genitals took me to an incredible journey of healing, emotional release, memories -- somewhat painful. Going back to childhood I discovered through yoni massage some disturbing memories of being touched inappropriately. It really was a liberating experience and so life transforming, that I would say it’s been really my raison d’etre, my soapbox to really bring women into their empowerment through their own sacred yoni temple.

Dr. Patti Taylor: So I guess that they say you teach what you need to learn and/or you teach what you want to heal. You healed yourself, I’m imagining, from all of this and that’s inspired you to teach others.

Carolena Fleishman:  Absolutely. It took me to many different paths, to reikean therapy, breath therapy, holotropic breath and the genital massage offered so wonderfully by Joseph Kramer and Mantak Chia. So it has been a path of somatic awareness, pelvic release work and clearing that really has in fact, created a much more sensitive yoni than I can ever remember having in my twenties.

Dr. Patti Taylor: I have to say just knowing you, you are one of the most radiant people. You just absolutely emanate radiance and I know it’s coming from your pussy, your yoni. I was just wondering maybe we could start with a little breath work. Is there a way that you can actually breathe into your yoni? Is that something women can do? Maybe some of our listeners might be inspired to think how can they start breathing now to maybe bring some aliveness into that area. Is that kind of a reasonable question?

Carolena Fleishman: It is absolutely reasonable and it’s a cornerstone of how we begin to become more sensitive or embodied in our yoni. As a matter of fact, right here, sitting on the chair is a great way to start engaging the root or the yoni. Take a deep inhalation and as you inhale, imagine slightly pushing out. I like to visualize sitting on a juicy overripe peach and as I inhale, the lips of my own yoni are just pushing the fleshy, over ripe meat of the fruit into the chair. Yum. [deep inhale]

Guess what? This is an invitation for you to feel more sexy and more alive with every inhale, with every inspiration that you take.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Oh so now can I do this with every exhalation or how does this work? Is this like a process that I do like ten times? What happens on the inhale? I mean I’m already feeling like juicy and inviting. I don’t know if I’m your average sample woman so let’s keep with our listeners here ‘cause I’m like already getting turned on.

Carolena Fleishman: Well you’re definitely not average. I think we all know that. But, it is a much more full embodied breath. I think when women are turned on, they are more radiant. We are more attractive. It’s like a law of attraction. When we come home to our self and we feel our own juice, we’re self-ignited. We’re our own geyser of juice that just keeps on running and flowing and there’s no telling what we attract.

Dr. Patti Taylor: OK so I’m a woman and I want to start breathing into my pussy or my yoni and so what can I do? I breathe, that breathing, that pushing out into my yoni, that overripe peach. I can sort of feel it pushing into the chair and I can actually feel my lips kind of pressing into the chair and kind of the nerve endings are kind of tingling. Then what?

Carolena Fleishman: OK after you inhale and remember it’s a slight push out on the inhalation, exhale and just let the energy flow right up the back of the spine. Now when you’re first starting, you might put a lot of effort on this but eventually, I want you to find the breath that breathes you so that this breath -- [inhaling] -- just becomes a natural way that  we breathe and the invitation is to be juicy for the rest of your life. With every breath, every inspirational breath you take, you have the ability to be that turned on.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Wow I really like that. One thing I love is that you could do this in a business meeting or just talking to your girlfriends or how about talking to a guy. Would he feel it on some subtle level that you were just really attractive and he wouldn’t really know why?

Carolena Fleishman: It definitely works. It works for me. And you know something? When you’re turned on, you’re much more creative. Inspirational thoughts come to you. Abundance flows your way. Even a traffic jam, becomes a wonderful experience because you’re using this time to cultivate your arousal.

In the Indian tradition they call this shakti. And shakti, when we are fulfilled in our shakti or feminine energy, we’re in alignment with the whole universe. So it stands to reason that when we’re in alignment with the universe, we can pool that energy and couple with it and create a much more powerful existence for ourselves.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well I really love that, that we’re really just including our whole body. So, how about walking down the street? We’re not pushing on anything, how do we feel our pussies?

Carolena Fleishman: Hmm, well I feel like especially when I go to big cities like New York really does it for me. There’s so much energy and excitement in New York. I love doing this breath, walking on the sidewalks of New York. As a matter of fact, sometimes I get so turned on walking in cities where there’s so much energy that I almost feel my knees buckling. And this is a good thing. Turn on is energy. Energy is our life force. That doesn’t mean that I want to climax all the time. I just want to stay turned on. I like that edge.

Dr. Patti Taylor: OK so even though we’re not pushing into the seat, we can pretend that we’re kind of pushing into the seat or maybe into a lover’s body parts or whatever we want. Maybe we’re just pushing into the universe or the ocean or some galactic lover.

Carolena Fleishman: Right it’s like taking an imaginary elevator down to the basement floor. It’s not a full on push like we’re not doing calisthenics. It’s subtle. You know something really interesting? This push in the yoni, the pelvic floor, actually begins in the jaw.

Dr. Patti Taylor: [laughs] That’s really cool, huh?

Carolena Fleishman: It really does. If I have a tight clenched jaw, I’m not going to feel my pussy. If I can let my jaw relax and let the neck open and maybe even let some sound out. Here’s an example. Ahhh I take that right down to my yoni.  Try it. It’s a-h. The sound “ah”.

Dr. Taylor and Ms. Fleishman: Ahhhhhhhh. [laughing]

Dr. Patti Taylor: Wow that’s really great. Sometimes I coach women who are coming, I tell them if their jaw is tight. I say, “Imagine if you’ve got a banana in your mouth and you don’t want to bite the banana in half.”

Carolena Fleishman: [laughs] Right. Is that a banana in your pocket or are you happy to see me. [laughs]

Dr. Patti Taylor: Right you certainly don’t want to bite the banana in half. You can make a mark. [laughs]

Carolena Fleishman: So keep it nice and supple.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Right. Right. We’re going to take a break quickly in a moment but I have one quick question first. How about for men? We don’t want to leave our gorgeous shivas as we call them, or men out of this. How do we keep their wonderful organs and breath supple and happening too?

Carolena Fleishman: Well, my advice to men is to not be a tight ass. [laughter] Don’t be a tight ass fellas! The same experience really works with the ani. Now I love calling the anus the ani. I didn’t invent that. My dear friends invented it. It sounds better -- the ani, referring to the sphincters, the two sphincters. You want to keep that area nice and relaxed taking that same direction of an inhale.  Do a very slight push out, almost like you’re going to the bathroom. But again we’re not doing this forcefully. Although when you’re beginning you might do this exercise at a hundred percent. Then, once you learn the technique, just take it down to about five percent, finding like I said earlier, the breath that breathes you.

So with each inhalation, gentlemen, you’re invited to relax in the jaw. Imagine that you have a wonderful flower inside your mouth that you don’t want to squash it or break the petals and just relax in the ani. Relax the sphincters. It’s a really wonderful breath and it has very positive health benefits when we start putting attention on the sphincters. More on that later.

Dr. Patti Taylor: OK well you got me waiting for more. OK well we are going to take a break so please stay with us. This is Dr. Patti Taylor and we’re talking with Carolena Fleishman and we’ll be right back.

You can find out more about Carolena at sacredspaceinstitute.com. And also, hottantra.com.

[radio break]

Dr. Patti Taylor: We’re back and I’m Dr. Patti Taylor and we’re talking about juicy genital massage [laughter] Yeah. Mmm. [lips smacking] Our favorite topic, well one of them anyways. Seems like we have lots of topics to talk about.

Before the break we were talking about teaching lover skills to groups although I think we kind of quickly veered into anis and yonis. Anyway, I want to ask you about female genital massage. That’s one of your fun things that you teach. Could you tell us a little bit about that?

Carolena Fleishman: Oh yes. It’s so healing, bonding, empowering and it’s a wonderful way to really begin to know oneself. Before I teach genital massage to women or men, I really invite them to get to know themselves, to really practice on themselves in self pleasuring mode, really know what makes their genitals happy, what makes them smile.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well I love that suggestion because I think that even that can be a major milestone for a lot of people. Have you found that that’s something really difficult for a lot of people? Was that hard for you when you were going through your kind of learning and pain and all of that? Is that difficult for people to really get to know themselves?

It sounds so easy when you say that but I just want to stop for a moment. A lot of people don’t want to be seen. A lot of people say, “Oh it’s easier to have someone else touch me.” I think it’s so important for people to learn about themselves. And I think often that that might be harder than to have someone else touch them. What would you say to encourage people to get to know themselves?

Carolena Fleishman: I would say, “Make love to yourself. Become your favorite lover. Find time when you’ll not be interrupted. Put off the phone, put on your favorite nightie or scented candle. Get some wonderful lube. Don’t pleasure yourself necessarily to a climax, pleasure yourself for the extraordinary sensational experience of pleasure -- pleasure for pleasure’s sake. And again, borrowing from the Buddhist tradition of the witness, step outside of yourself with lubrication or gentle caresses on the entire body not just rushing right into the genitals.  I don’t like when my lovers rush right into my genital area. I want to be caressed on the face, the heart, the breasts and the belly and eventually to the genitals.

And take an erotic map of what works, what’s pleasurable for you. When we want to learn about genital massage, it’s so key that we really know what turns us on individually.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Wow, the way you said that makes me want to go set up a date with myself. Oooh. [laughs]

Carolena Fleishman: As a matter of fact, I have been single for the last couple of years and I’ve noticed that it’s been such a pleasurable experience for me to start every morning loving myself. Now I may not have the time or inclination necessarily to take myself to climax, but how wonderful for a woman like myself in my forties to wake up in the morning and begin by caressing my face and caressing my breasts and belly, inner thighs and then eventually pleasuring my yoni. But my yoni has gone through some changes over the years -- menopausal. There are differences and I’m using this opportunity to get to know who I am at this stage of my life and it’s my belief that pleasure keeps us young. Pleasure will keep the yoni juicy and responsive.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well I’m glad you said that ‘cause you’re absolutely gorgeous and I’m sure you could have a line of guys around the block to do it for you. So you’re doing it yourself because we do change and so you’re finding out about who you are now. Well anyway, let’s go back to if you are lucky enough to have somebody who’s willing to do all these wonderful things for you. You’ve taken time to find out about yourself. Now what?

Carolena Fleishman: Well the first thing I tell my lover is to breathe with me. Because my yoni, and I’m sure, like many women out there, is extremely sensitive. She can be shy. She can have her different moods. I really want to feel very in trust with the person who’s going to approach my yoni and give her a massage.

So the first thing I like to do with my lover is to eye gaze and breathe. And once we’ve established a nice connection on this level, I usually take their hand and I’ll place their hand somewhere on my body. I’ll actually begin to teach them how to touch my yoni on an area other than my yoni because, well I want the touch to be so intuitive. I want the touch to really receive as much from my body as I receive from their hand. So, we sensitize the hand. The hand becomes an instrument of god.  We send love, we send light. Visualizations will work. Once we have a man or a woman who has this kind of  sensitivity in the palm, in the fingertips then we’re very much ready to approach the sacred yoni temple.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Oh I love that. Now once again the yoni is the vagina, the pussy or whatever word you use. And I love the fact that you have the touch on another part of the body. That feels very intimate and loving.  You can communicate so much through touch. Then what?

Carolena Fleishman: The yoni massage includes 37 steps brilliantly weaved together by a co-teacher of mine, Miss Shakti Shen, a wonderful tantrica here in the Bay area. And one of the steps that begin the wonderful yoni massage is called “pussy petting.” I think it’s pretty obvious what it is. Nowadays there are yonis in all different shapes and sizes. My yoni, personally, has lots of hair. I consider myself a wild woman with a hairy bush and I love to have my hairy bush stroked. See there’s so much sensitivity on the body even above the body even just in the very edges of the hairs of the yoni. We rush right in to find the target point of the sacred temple! But actually the whole yoni area, the thighs, the hair, they’re all just aching to be brought into aliveness through touch, presence and breath.

Dr. Patti Taylor: OK! So, now what?

Carolena Fleishman: OK well after pussy petting, I personally love a little love tug. Now be careful, we’ve done a lot of workshops and I would say about half the women enjoy this and half don’t. I personally really adore the pubic hair around my lips, the labia majora to be slightly tugged. What this is doing is it’s awakening the gazillion nerve endings that live inside the yoni, inside the labia majora.

So usually I communicate with my partner. I use a number system.  I might say something like, “Hmm that’s feeling like you’re tugging me at about a two, let’s take it up to a four or let’s bring it down to a three,” something really clear because we don’t want to have our partners groping, so to speak. We want to keep it very clear and non-conceptual so the number system seems to work.

After the tugging, you’ll notice that the labia start to become quite plump and engorged. It doesn’t really take much. So at this point, I love to peek and maybe now just slow down the process. Put the palm of the hand cupped over the yoni and just breathe energy right in to the palm of the hand. Laying there eye gazing with the palm of the hand over the yoni temple, taking the breath together is a wonderful way to begin this delicious journey.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Hmm, wow! Well I love that you’re suggesting people check in at every step. I for example don’t like my pubic hair touched. So everyone is different and I love the tugging [laughs]. So, everyone is so different. The communication is part of the turn on.  So for me just having someone going, “Is this a one for you? Is this a five? Is this a nine?” That’s really hot for me and maybe for someone else, even that might be like, “I’ll let you know if I don’t like it!” I think just the exploration is part of the turn on. OK so their hand is on your gorgeous yoni. Now what?

Carolena Fleishman: Well, now it may be time to enter the yoni.  We’ll want to lube up, we’ll put a little extra lube. Actually, there is a way to put on lube perfectly and that is to put in the opposite hand, warm it up and then dip the fingers. I like the two fingers, the index and third fingers dipped into the lubes so it’s nice and warm and then here’s the most important part, “May I enter your yoni.” So after that question is answered appropriately, if it’s a yes, then what happens is I like to instruct the giver to melt into the yoni temple.

Actually the yoni is a very persuasive part of the female anatomy. The yoni will actually suck or draw in the fingers or the lingam, which is the Sanskrit for penis. We don’t need to force anything into the yoni temple because as I said, she will through her contractions draw the fingers up in to the inside. Now we’re not going inside the entroitis. We’ve now merely have gone through the temple doors or the labia majora and we’re resting inside the labia.

At this point, exploration of the inside of the labia is very key, just taking a map of what’s there. Lubing, plenty of lube so that there’s a silkiness and no constrictions and we move into water. We know how women love to be under the bathtub having running water in our yoni. So we teach this gesture with three fingers of running water: kind of one, two three, one two three. Just tickling or enlivening. We need to have lots of lube, lots of breath, a nice slow tickling of the labia, opening ever so richly; accepting this wonderful stroke. So that was running water.

And we might go back to that hold of the palm over the yoni. The fingers may be dangling inside the yoni ever so slightly taking a breath and afterwards we’re able to go a little bit deeper. It’s great to do a check in:  “Honey, how’s this feeling for you? Do you need a little more lube?  Do you want to take it back to the beginning?” You can take it back to the first stroke -- pussy petting, to love tug, to exploring the inner map of the labia majora, to water.

After water, what I like to do is just begin with the third finger resting on the entroitis. Now the entroitis is the opening; not going in just resting teasingly over the yoni opening. Take a moment to allow her to breathe your finger inside of her. Notice that there’s no way that we’re using any force to enter the yoni temple. It’s the yoni really calling all the shots.

So she’s breathing the finger in to her yoni temple and we just hold it.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Wow. Wow. Wow. I have to say, what woman wouldn’t want to have that experience? It’s totally gotta be something that a woman would really sit back and receive.

So I just want to add a couple of my favorite things in addition to what you’ve said. Just a couple of things I like also are to have my labia squeezed and pressed. I like a lot of pressure, a lot more pressure than you might normally think. So just to experiment with the pressure and just kind of move up and down the whole sides of the labia are just a couple of other fun things or just to sort of slide up and down the lips of the labia -- just a few other ideas.

OK so we’re going to take a break and then we’re going to come back. We are talking to Carolena Fleishman.  You can find out more about Carolena Fleishman at Sacred Space Institute and also hottantra.com. And this is Dr. Patti Taylor. Please stay with us. We’ll be right back. We’re just going to hear from our sponsors.

[music] [radio break]

Dr. Patti Taylor: We’re back and I’m Dr. Patti Taylor. And we’re talking to Carolena Fleishman about juicy genital massage and well it really is juicy!

We want to just maybe ask a little more about what’s going on for the women because we were at a pretty juicy point. Maybe we’ll have time to find out a little bit about men and a little bit more about what else you’re doing in the world.

Carolena Fleishman: Yeah. Well getting back to the feminine side of things, notice that we didn’t just dive in for her clitoris. This is a common mistake that a lot of lovers have made thinking that oh a woman has a power spot or an on button. And the clitoris is actually a little bit finicky. It’s kind of timid at first and she really just wants to be coaxed and loved and feel trust.  So we don’t really just dive right in for that magic button so to speak. We really work the entire area and when there’s engorgement and comfort and trust, then we start to work towards the clitoral area.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Yeah and often by giving a woman a juicy genital massage. Like you said, when there’s engorgement, the clitoris which may have been hiding underneath the hood that you can’t even find it, by the end of a juicy genital massage will be just popping right out and really easy to find. Now you can give a woman that kind of pleasure that you’re wanting to give her.

Carolena Fleishman: Exactly. Each woman is different. Just between you and I, I found out something about you. You like firm pressure and I like the same kind of pressure that you might put on your eyeball if you were touching an eyeball. There is a whole expanse of differences actually even per day or per hour. The yoni in its magical mysteries is ever changing.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well I like firm pressure on my labia. When you get to my clit I tend to like really light pressure so it really varies. And I only like the firm pressure on my labia when you’re building the engorgement because the squeezing is bringing blood to the area.  It’s the same thing with a man’s cock. This might be a good transition. When you’re bringing the engorgement to the area, once it’s engorged, I want light.

So let’s talk about the men. It’s so different for everyone. Let’s talk about the men.

Carolena Fleishman: And it’s so different for men. Let’s talk about men. In my life I’ve had wonderful lovers all different shapes and sizes and all different appetites. Some men prefer tickling and light touch to start to get them into their genital area.  Other men will like to have the more firm squeezing at the base of the cock bringing blood into the area.

Each man is really very, very unique and special. The lingam or wand of light is really a very incredible map of the entire body system. Actually, the yoni is too. You’ve heard of reflexology under the foot. Well the genitals also hold the map for all the different organs in the body. So when you’re stroking the lingam, you’re actually addressing the different organs and systems of the human being.

With that in mind, we do really want to stroke and apply oil. You might want to first stroke dry, a lighter touch or pressing down. Press with the palm of the hand, the same energy, love, light flowing from the hand down into the cock and just holding that area and breathing and eye gazing. And just establishing that trust and bond and presence with your lover.

Then when it’s time to oil up, there are some wonderful strokes borrowed from the body electric school, carpe diem -- seize the day, in which you stroke towards his feet and up towards his heart at the same time. Taking your time, varying the speed never losing eye contact and never losing that connection. I don’t know if you want to call it spirit or god or the great one.

We’re really feeling that we’re here not just as lovers. It is great that we show up as lovers but we’re really showing up as sacred intimates. I am here for your highest good. I am here for your deepest healing. I often say that to my lovers and I often love my lovers to say that to me because I really feel like the deepest thing we can share with a person is this intimacy.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Oh yeah. One thing I’m really hearing from you and I think men are really going to appreciate, is that when you’re giving a man a genital massage you’re not just sort of diving for their cock too like trying to get them off. Your whole attitude about it is that you’re just there to enjoy their lingam as you call it or their cock. You’re really there to give them pleasure without being as goal oriented. You’re just there to kind of explore.

Carolena Fleishman: Oh I’ve had an incredible insight. Recently I got a strap-on dildo and they’re really wonderful. But you know, Patti. It’s hard work! [laughter]  It really is hard on the upper body.  Our men really work hard servicing us! Our men work really hard servicing us. So I think it’s so wonderful to allow my man to lay back and receive and let me do the work for a while, stroking. And as you said, we’re not there to get them off. We’re there to get them on, turn their entire body on.

Dr. Patti Taylor: They do work hard. I think it’s about time men received a lot more pleasure!

Carolena Fleishman: Actually I agree and I love to give men pleasure in the area of the ani. We were talking about that earlier. So much negativity can be associated with the ass hole. I mean after all, when you’re mad at somebody what do you call them?  “You ass hole!”

Dr. Patti Taylor: [laughs] Yes that’s right. Can you tell us a little bit about the prostate massage?

Carolena Fleishman: Of course. The ani or the anus has many different sensitive nerve endings. So the first thing that I like to do before delving into the prostate, which is considered the male G-spot, is to massage and awaken and soften the anal sphincters. There are two sphincters and they both really need to be softened with breath, with lots of lube, tickling, a little stretching movements, maybe even invite the man to squeeze.  Right now all you men out there take an inhale and squeeze those anal sphincters nice and tight. Hold the breath, squeeze tight and now release and let all that energy, all those nutrients just flow right into the anal area.  That should feel really nice.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Mm-hmm.

Carolena Fleishman and Dr. Patti Taylor: Mmmm.

Carolena Fleishman: It feels good for women too.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Yeah. Yeah.

Carolena Fleishman: Well after a fashion, you’ve massaged the anal sphincters, you’ve lubed up. You might put on rubber gloves. Make sure if you’re not using gloves that the nails are soft and not sharp. You may very slowly enter and again, the first step is, “May I enter your anus?” Or, “Would you like an anal massage today honey? Would you like me to go deeper?” Get permission first.

If the permission has been established, you’ve been given the green light, so to speak, lube up and just very slowly again, just like the yoni, allow the breath, allow his breath and contractions to pull your finger in. Man, my lovers go wild with this. They love the idea that it’s slow, that my gift to them is my presence, my time and my ability to really enjoy the stillness.

Dr. Patti Taylor: What does the breath sound like?

Carolena Fleishman: Umm, let’s see. A deep breath right from the base of the pelvic floor. Take an inhale in. Let’s all do it together.

Dr. Patti Taylor: All right.

Dr. Taylor and Ms. Fleishman: [deeply inhaling]

Carolena Fleishman:…And a nice exhale.

Dr. Taylor and Ms. Fleishman: Ahhhhh [laughing] hhh!

Dr. Taylor and Ms. Fleishman: [deeply inhaling] 

Dr. Taylor and Ms. Fleishman: Ahhhhhh…

Dr. Patti Taylor: Oh makes me want to have a prostate.

Carolena Fleishman: [laughs] You don’t have a prostate.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Well then I’ll get one. Any guys around? Let’s go find some!

Carolena Fleishman: I’m sure there’d be some willing for us.  What a team!

Dr. Patti Taylor: I know. I know.

Carolena Fleishman: We’ll do the next show on that.

Dr. Patti Taylor: We’ll go out later on. I’m sure we’ll find some.

Carolena Fleishman: Oh yes. There was a gardener out there.

Dr. Patti Taylor: [laughs] He was pretty cute too.

Carolena Fleishman: Yeah, a very nice guy.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Anyway, let’s talk about some of the other work you’re doing.

Carolena Fleishman: OK.

Dr. Patti Taylor: And then we’ll wrap up the show.

Carolena Fleishman: Well I’m very much enjoying exploring the G-spot. Now my own G-spot did not start out so easy. When my G-spot was first touched, I guess about ten years ago, it was so painful and so yucky, I vowed never to have it done again. But of course that’s not exactly the arena I’m in and usually my code is whatever I’m fearful of or repel, I like to go forward through.  I’m glad I did because there wasn’t a lot of information around ten years ago but it was something that I felt really needed to be explored especially since I’ve started to have feelings come up and memories.

Anyway, fast forward to today. I feel like it’s so important for female empowerment to really be connected to all the different areas of our yoni. And the G-spot, through sensitivity, awareness, slowness, building the trust, can be an incredible doorway to our inner world.  And in the end of  …

Dr. Patti Taylor: Oh you’re doing a workshop on it.

Carolena Fleishman: Yes exactly. I’m sponsoring one of the experts in the field. Dr. Deborah Sundahl. She’s from New Mexico. I’ve invited her to come and I have some wonderful women friends who will be partaking in this workshop. It’s a week long intensive in the end of February. We’ll be going up to a beautiful retreat center in Northern California and we’ll be exploring on ourselves within the group of women. It’s for women only. We’ll be exploring the G-spot in the different terrains and emotions in a very safe and exquisitely beautiful setting, great food, great facilitators and you can get that information from my website.  I’m very excited to be hostessing that.

Dr. Patti Taylor: OK so we will have the links to all of your stuff on your episode page. So before we close this show, I’d like to ask you one final question. What motivates you most to share this work with other people?

Carolena Fleishman: Hmm. I feel it is our birthright. It is really the one thing that I know in my life that has given me joy. Besides the money and the things that we acquire -- products, possessions, our own life -- besides possessions and material goods, what we really have that makes us feel rich, is the richness of our bodies, the pleasure that can be unleashed through this journey and the transformation that I’ve seen people take when they really come back to their bodies to experience full embodiment. That is joy. That is the richest that life has to offer.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Wow and how many people have you seen probably?

Carolena Fleishman: I could not count.  I’ve been having an incredible life. Ten years of a wonderful private practice, workshops I must say it’s been a very blessed life.

Dr. Patti Taylor: Hundreds? Thousands?

Carolena Fleishman: I would say thousands and more.

Dr. Patti Taylor: So you know from whence you speak. [laughter]

Carolena Fleishman: It’s been a wonderful life.

Dr. Patti Taylor: So thank you so much Carolena for joining us today.  We’re going to close the show on this amazing note. Join us next week on the Expanded Lovemaking show. We’re going to talk about compassionate communication in lovemaking. This does bring us to the end of the show.  Thank you once again.

Carolena Fleishman: Mua [kissing sound] I love you Patti! Mua Mua Mua!

So please send me email at patti@personallifemedia.com. For texts and transcripts of this show and other shows on the personal life media network, please visit our website at personallifemedia.com. You can find out more about Carolena at sacredspaceinstitute.com and hottantra.com.

This is your host Dr. Patti Taylor. That’s it for now. I remain yours in ever-expanded lovemaking and I’ll see you next week.

Announcer:  Find more great shows like this on personallifemedia.com