Episode 43: Tripp Lanier, host of “The New Man”, shares his insight about What MEN want!

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In this “no bullshit” interview with coach and facilitator Tripp Lanier, we get some very straight talk about not only what women can do to be successful with men, but what kind of approach is really required.  Not one to give shallow answers, Tripp offers us very insightful ideas to consider when going for all you want in your Love life. 

In this episode we cover:

  1. What is a “New Man” and what do we need to know about him?
  2. Taking sex beyond the physical realm
  3. The importance of your man being “seen”
  4. Why receiving “well” is an important skill to hone

In this interview we address a question from one of the JFW subscribers.  So, if you have a question or issue you have been wanting to ask about, or a topic you have been wanting to hear addressed on the show – let me know – I do respond and I will get your questions and comments answered!  Thank you, I Love getting your emails, so please feel free to contact me at [email protected]

Transcript

This program is brought to you by PersonalLifeMedia.com.

This program is intended for mature audiences only.

[music]

Alissa Kriteman:  Have you ever wondered how to talk to men such that it inspires them into action?  Do you know what affect a woman’s criticism and anger can have on men?  Are you curious to know what men really want between the sheets?  Stay on ‘Just for Women’, we’re going to talk with Tripp Lanier, coach, facilitator and host of the New Man weekly podcast show and we’re going to talk to him about what is going on in the world of men, what is this new man and how we can successfully approach love, sex, intimacy in today’s world of dating relationships and sex with men.

[music]

Tripp Lanier:  Guys aren’t stupid either.  We may be fixated on the bodies sticking for a lot of it but energetically, the more open and the more fluid you are and who you are, that’s a huge turn on for me.

Imagine yourself in relationship with a guy and he is needy.  He is needing you to complete him.  His happiness depends on you and what you do for him.  To me that feels really odd.

Essentially what happens in a man’s scoop is guys get practice for showing up in the world and for stepping up.  Those few hours a week when I am in a group I am the best man I can be and I get to practice being the best man I can be and it raises my bar.  I didn’t have more opportunity to do that in the world.

[music]

 Alissa Kriteman:  Welcome to ‘Just for Women’, dating, relationships and sex, always bringing you today’s top expert to help you achieve all your love and intimacy goals.  Today in the show I am very happy to have Tripp Lanier, coach, course facilitator and leader of many men’s groups.

He is also the host of the New Men podcast show and he is to be a rock star and a world-winning producer.  I am very excited to talk to Tripp today.  Welcome to the show Tripp.

Tripp Lanier:  Hi Alissa, thanks for having me on the show.

Alissa Kriteman:  You’re so welcome.  I am very very curious to know how you went from rock star to men’s coach, course facilitator and host.

Tripp Lanier:  I would say that just following what I love, what lights me up, what gets me fired up, what gets me excited to staying true to that.

Alissa Kriteman:  So what gets you fired up and excited in helping your brothers get hipped up in the world to what?

Tripp Lanier:  First of all its not just helping them but helping me, right?  In order for me to help them, I have got to walk the wall.  So it’s always a form of kind of having, I get to be accountable to myself and others and I did fire up seeing, when I get empowered and when I see other men being empowered, when I see other men like challenging social norms and conventions that are just old and outdated and don’t serve us anymore, I get fired up.

It’s like ‘hey, what’s the menu here?  What are my options in life besides go to school, get the job, retire, die?  What is it that I want to do in this lifetime that’s an expression of who I am?’

Alissa Kriteman:  Ok, so what does that look like on the court with these guys?  What are you doing them to empower them?  What’s going on there?

Tripp Lanier:  A lot of it, they can come in two forms.  It’s definitely more than two forms but it’s essentially to support, like just being there listening to the guy,. what’s going on for him.  A lot of times, I come from a modality that were already resourceful or already creative, already whole and we just need to kind of see things out in front of us and once we see the options in front of us, we know what to do.

And maybe another version of that has been to challenge them, to be challenged, like ‘you know what man I think that smells like bullshit.  I think you’re not living near your potential and you’ve got a lot more that you could be doing, you’re settling for less’.  That would be in an… there’s many different forms to do that and it comes from a place of service not a place of aggression or wanting to hurt the guy.

Alissa Kriteman:  Yeah, and so what are some issues today’s men are dealing with?

Tripp Lanier:  I would say there’s some of the old standard ones of just finding the girl and keeping the girl, that kind of thing.  I coach a lot of guys around the women and the relating stuff and I also coach more and more men that have had the career, had done the thing they thought they were supposed to do, which was go to school and get the job and then somewhere along the line it just doesn’t click for them anymore.

Life actually becomes really boring or stale or stagnant and essentially they are not living, their outside world, what they are doing in the outside world doesn’t match up with who they are in the inside, who they’re growing to be, their values, that kind of thing, and I coach them on closing that gap so that there their actions in the world match up with what they feel and what they’re most excited about.

Alissa Kriteman:  Nice, I can get that.  So you are a leader of men’s groups, what’s going on in men’s groups?

Tripp Lanier:  Some of that is what I talked about earlier.  There’s camaraderie, there’s support, there’s challenge, accountability.  Oh, so you want to stick to a fitness program, great, when are you going to do this and who can you get support from so you do it.  Basically it takes the isolationism out of things.

A lot of guys tend to get isolated as they get older and it can be kind of come, it’s all, I have got to figure it out and it’s up to me to solve this thing versus spreading that out into the group like I am lost, I am confused, I need support and the guys are there to help them on that way, and then there’s always the confronting the guy on any bullshit.

Essentially what happens in a men’s group is guys get practice for showing up in the world and for stepping up.  I look at it as like those few hours a week when I am in a group, I am the best man I can be and I get to practice being the best man I can be and it raises my bar, I didn’t have more opportunity to do that in the world.

Alissa Kriteman:  Yeah, this is really interesting because I have been in women’s groups for a really long time and nothing beats the support of being with other woman and it sounds like you guys are doing the same thing and yet, I don’t know, as a woman thinking about guys in their groups, I just, I think that it’s so different, like it’s more tribal and you know, masculine and like, I don’t know, running around and doing like guy things but actually it sounds pretty similar.

Accountability, support, camaraderie, I mean those are all things that women do but you’re saying guys are doing that too?

Tripp Lanier:  Absolutely, except we were loin cloths and listen to Ted NewGen, that’s the only difference.

Alissa Kriteman:  And there was a fire somewhere around it.

Tripp Lanier:  Oh we sacrificed the goat, other than that it’s [inaudible].

Alissa Kriteman:  No, I really like that, I really like that and it sounds like the guys of today who are actually open to be in this kind of group, I mean as empowered women we want to be with these kinds of guys, right?  So it just makes sense that there’s that kind of support for men too and I am really happy to hear that.

Tripp Lanier:  Yes, absolutely.

Alissa Kriteman:  OK, so I have a question.

Tripp Lanier:  Ok.

Alissa Kriteman:  In some of the shows in the past we’ve talked about this prince charming sort of syndrome where women think built to their psyche it’s not even probably a conscious thought anymore, is that the man is going to come and save them, take care of everything, be the bread winner, all these kinds of things and as we know, things are rapidly changing, it’s not like that anymore but what from your perspective, what impact does that mindset have on men?  Does it still have an impact?  Are guys still trying to be the prince charming?

Tripp Lanier:  I think you know that maybe, oh that may fit with some guys, I won’t speak for all guys but I’ll put it back out to the women, imagine yourself in relationship with a guy and he is needy.  He is needing you to complete him.  His happiness depends on you and what you do for him.

To me, that feels like shit, like that just feels really odd and it doesn’t mean that we have to have it all figured out to be in a relationship or anything but that just bring that, for me, I don’t feel free and I’ve been with women that after the second date, their eyes changed a little bit and they’re looking at me and kind of giggling and it’s like, all right, what’s going on here.  I don’t feel like she is actually seeing in me anymore as a person, she see me as a device to fulfill this fantasy of hers.

Alissa Kriteman:  Nice, so actually women coming into a relationship with this prince charming syndrome, somewhere seeping out and the man picks up on it, is actually massively detrimental because it comes off as needy and the men are being seen.

Tripp Lanier:  Yes, absolutely.

Alissa Kriteman:  Interesting because I don’t think that, I think women are just starting to realize that this is in the unspoken, right, and in relationship and I was starting to look at the impact.  Wow, so that’s really cool and so being seen means what?

Tripp Lanier:  Being seen is I am seen as a person that has needs, goals, desires, things that I want to do, things that I want to do with her, that I am not just this thing to help her get what she wants to have, this big wedding and to have the babies and to pay her bills while she does that.  It feels like crap, like I want to feel supported on my path too.

She may very well get the child and I will support her and all that kind of stuff, I would love to gift her with that but when it comes from the place of need and you are just a device to do it, it feels really bad.

Alissa Kriteman:  Right, so the place to come from with that is for women to really understand what partnership is.  Man, it’s hard too like I can see this conversation being a little bit difficult, you know like how do you approach that, like yeah, I want to have babies and yeah I want to be taken care of but women aren’t necessarily being radically honest about that.

So how would you, what would you say to women who want that, who want to be taken care of, not necessarily in every single way but they want to have the children and they don’t want to have to work and they want to be right about that, like how do you approach that without coming off as needy or using the man, you know what I am saying?

Tripp Lanier:  Yeah, absolutely, for I think being straight up about it is one thing, you know, one way about it could be a conversation, where you have a glass of wine like wow, what does your future look like?  Even if I am not a part of it like what is it that you want to do in this lifetime?  What would excite you?  What would it be like to have your life fully expressed?

I want to have a child and I want to have a family and I want to do this and I want to do that and then I get the space to say, hey, well that’s cool because I want to do this and I want to do that, it becomes a co-created thing, I can’t desire, ‘desire’ thing line up, than we line up with each other versus like oh, I am getting a baby and I am going to do this and you’re going to do this and blah, blah, blah, blah… this is like ohhh, not the same.

Alissa Kriteman:  All right ladies, so you have to be straight up about what we want and not afraid to say yes, I don’t want to work when I am having the baby and I might not want to work for a couple of years after that, are you cool with that?  I mean we have definitely heard that before.

Tripp Lanier:  Yeah, it’s like how can we make that work? How can we, is that possible?  What would have to happen for that to be possible?  What do you need, husband, lover, you know, to facilitate that and what do you see as a way to satisfy that but maybe there’s another solution.

Alissa Kriteman:  Got it, ok good.  I had a listener right in and she had a question about a man she is with, wanting to split everything 50-50, what do you have to say about that?

Tripp Lanier:  In what, I don’t understand the question so help me, they want to split the finances or…

Alissa Kriteman:  Yeah, the finances and they were, you know, dating with kind of like 50-50 I think maybe he picked up a couple of events or dinners here and there but then they were going to go on some weekend trip and he wanted to split everything 50-50 and she I think was a little bit old-fashioned and wanted to, it was kind of a thing for her and she was wanting to get some insight around what would have a man want to have everything 50-50 versus more of this him taking care of her a little bit?

Tripp Lanier:  Yeah, so the first step would be get in contact with him, like actually speak this, like I am expecting to be taking care of things, I have you know, the way I am approaching this is I would be gifted these things and I am curious why you don’t feel the same way or what has you wanting a 50-50?

In my experience I love knowing that my woman can stand on her own and that she is independent and then when I do, she is to gift her, I do choose to do something for her.  It really is coming from a place of being a gift not an obligation.  The obligation thing gets really old but if I have the energy around it like I am taking my woman out tonight and we’re going to have a great time and I am looking forward to taking care of her and then we’re going to whisk away for a weekend, has a totally different energy than like she expects me to take care of everything and it just has a like a disc like oh it’s just an obligation.

So the other part is that that can kind of become a power play and there that I have been in a situation where I don’t want to have the upper hand and the power thing.  If I am paying for everything that means ultimately that I cannot pull out the check, the credit card and do something and I would rather, we both have choice in the matter.

So having the 50-50 thing it’s something they need to speak about it and kind of understand what that is but I think if a woman can be cool that he may be wanting to come from a place or I know that I want to come from a place of gifting her.

Alissa Kriteman:  Got it.  Gifting her and knowing that she is not dependent on it or counting on it but has her own life, has her own resources and that it can be approached as an opportunity and like, I like you keep using this word ‘gift’.  It’s nice because I know this issue is pervasive and man woman dynamics and relationships and I think that’s a thing people aren’t talking about it and then there’s expectation and then heartache and breakdown when things aren’t being met but it sounds like the tables are definitely turning, you know, and then they’ll see the independent woman who have a hard time receiving, what impact does that have on men?

Tripp Lanier:  That’s a drag too, I mean that’s a drag where the woman is cut off, where somehow if she were to receive a gift from a man and that somehow means that she is losing power or giving it up, that’s a huge turnoff for me.  That means that she has closed off from her ability to receive other things emotionally from me, I want a place where I can give my gift whether I am in a world doing that giving my gifts and they’re going to get receipt or I am in a relationship, I want to know that if I express something that it’s going to land and be received.

Alissa Kriteman:  And what can women do to be more open and notice when a man is gifting her?

Tripp Lanier:  Good question.  Well, what’s the energy around it, like what do you notice for him?  He may got you a fishing lure or something, doesn’t even matter but he may have an excitement around it.  It means something to him and maybe the gift itself doesn’t turn you on but like what’s the energy around it for him? 

It could be a big deal for him, that’s really sweet to me, like wow, he was considered of me, he has thought about this, he is trying to show me that he appreciates me and he wants more time with me and more energy with me.

Be open to the assumptions, the guys coming from the best place possible.

Alissa Kriteman:  I like that, I like that noticing the energy around it and really paying attention to, even if we think it’s the [xx] thing or the flowers aren’t the nicest or whatever, it still gets in, it’s still his desire to want to please.

Tripp Lanier:  Yeah, he is really, most guys that I see, especially guys coming to our workshops of course, they are really wanting to get it right.  If there could be a manual that said here’s a way to get it right, they would all buy it.  They really want to know and they’re trying, they really are trying so can you have some compassion, it’s like, hey perhaps this guy isn’t trying to take my power or threat me in some way.  He really wants to express something positive.

Alissa Kriteman:  Yeah, I love that.  Ok good, let’s talk a little bit about communicating with men and the impact of women complaining because I think sometime when we get together you know, it’s like things come up and we say we’re just kind of off the cup like and this and this and this and this and this and that, but I know that men aren’t necessarily in tune with that.  So what affects does that kind of criticism, complaining have in a guy?

Tripp Lanier:  I would say that if a woman spends a lot of time in her, you know, in her kind of bitchy complaining mode, it just turns in the noise.  It’s like oh yeah, she is going to be bitch in her complaining no matter what.  Oh the son came up in the wrong part of the sky this morning, got it, didn’t work out your way, but there’s a presence that a woman can, I have been really served by women, I wouldn’t call it complaining or critical but I have been really served by one woman, she is like, look I need it.  I need to get something straight with you.

And it’s like well, hold on a second, this is different, and she is like, when you do this certain thing I feel scared and I don’t want to be with you.  Like wow, ok, now I am really interested because I do want to be with you and I didn’t know that what I was doing was threatening that.  Thank you very much for telling me, it has a whole different flavor.

So, but if a woman’s checked out and she is just running her mouth and things are never right, I will have a tendency to check out and just turn and tune it away.

Alissa Kriteman:  All right, so if we really want a man to listen to something that we’re saying we have to get clear and approach it in a way that actually we set him up so he can listen.

Tripp Lanier:  Ahem, yeah you can be present, if you can be present you’ll attract his presence but if you’re checked out and just running your mouth then the chances are he is going to check out too.

Alissa Kriteman:  I just got hooked when you said running your mouth.

Tripp Lanier:  [inaudible]  Alissa?

Alissa Kriteman:  What do you say?

Tripp Lanier:  Is there a mind you if anyone?

Alissa Kriteman:  I don’t run my mouth, ok?

Tripp Lanier:  Ok, got it, yeah.

Alissa Kriteman:  Oh it’s so funny, it’s so funny.  Well I am with a man who will just say, he’ll just look at me, you know, he doesn’t even respond anymore or hell say something to the effect of, is there a positive way you could approach that, did you want to think about that in a different way, and I always catch myself you know, but I am saying it’s kind of engrained in the woman like you know, we have to, things affect us, we might get out, but it’s clear and I like that, there’s a clear delineation between ok, I am just going to like, you know, talk about this thing and then and you know what, this actually bothers me.  It’s ok….

Tripp Lanier:  Even if you don’t have to figure it out just feel like hey, I need a time out.  There’s something going on here and I am feeling uncomfortable, I am feeling myself contract, I don’t know what’s going on here but something’s not working, you know like just naming the moment, don’t expect that you have to have it all clean and clear and wrapped up in a nice box with a bow on top but just speak the moment and do it in a way that calls attention like really grounding it, not coming from your shit or whatever, like be responsible.

Alissa Kriteman:  OK, naming the moment, I like that and so what if we are with a guy who is uncomfortable with us naming the moment, is it time to move on?

Tripp Lanier:  Move on.  Well I am kidding, I would give him, that’s a great test, can this guy hang with me?  Can he, I am ready to operate from an adult space here, I am ready to operate from a place where I can name what’s going on and it doesn’t need to be, it’s not considered as threat, I am not coming from a threatening place.

That would be a standard, that would be something to notice.  Can this man hang with me in the space, if not, I wouldn’t trust the guy.  I wouldn’t want to build the future with him.  I would give him the opportunity to grow into that though.

Alissa Kriteman:  Got it.  Don’t show the baby out with the bath water but definitely keep telling your truth and if a man can’t hang with your truth, time to move on.

Tripp Lanier:  Yeah.

Alissa Kriteman:  Awesome stuff.  We’re going to take a break to support our sponsors.  I am your host Alissa Kriteman, you’re listening to ‘Just for Women – Dating, Relationships and Sex’.  We are talking with Tripp Lanier, did I say that right?

Tripp Lanier:  You did.

Alissa Kriteman:  Tripp Lanier, who is a fantastic man, coach, course leader and host of the New Man podcast show and we’ll be right back.

[music]

Alissa Kriteman:  Welcome back to ‘Just for Women – Dating, Relationships and Sex’.  I am your host Alissa Kriteman.  Today in this show we are talking with Tripp Lanier, coach, facilitator and host of hot new podcast show called the New Man and we’ve been talking about how to be effective in our communication with men, what really works with today’s new man who is a lot more open, caring, considerate, forthright than he has ever been.

So Tripp, thank you for that amazing insight into how to be with men and be effective with them.  Now I want to talk about sex.

Tripp Lanier:  Ok.

Alissa Kriteman:  Are you ready?

Tripp Lanier:  Yes.

Alissa Kriteman:  So what are some good ways to approach introducing new ideas, new desires, new things into the bedroom?

Tripp Lanier:  Talk about it.

Alissa Kriteman:  What if you’re afraid?  What if you’re definitely afraid of talking about sex?

Tripp Lanier:  I would lean into that, you know, I think so much of this, of any of these kind of hang ups are, can be alleviated when we just talk about them, like I had this desire, this turns me on, I want to invite you to participate in this with me, I could see where this could make our lives more exciting, are you willing to try this out, what do you feel, how that impact you, talk about it.

Alissa Kriteman:  Ok, so is that more effective than maybe just kind of introducing it on our own say, we’re really excited and we don’t have any hang ups about introducing something new to the bedroom.  With men, is it safer to talk about it first or would you suggest just going for it?

Tripp Lanier:   I wouldn’t say either or, I mean it could be pillow talk, it could be part of foreplay, it could be, if you have any, as a woman have any reservations about how this might land and it could have quite an impact if it doesn’t land then you might want to talk about it beforehand but it feels like oh he is going to love this and please bring it.

Alissa Kriteman:  Is there something in general that all men would be pleased to have a woman bring?

Tripp Lanier:  There are hot girl friends.

Alissa Kriteman:  Yeah, let’s talk about that, let’s talk about threesome, right?  How do you have an effective threesome, do you know?

Tripp Lanier:  I don’t know, I have yet to pull off an effective threesome so I am not the authority on threesome.

Alissa Kriteman:  Try, as you might Tripp.

Tripp Lanier:  I am open to being coached.  Threesome coaching, what an industry.

Alissa Kriteman:  Threesome coaching, maybe I’ll do that, I’ll really, if you were not the expert.  I guess some, we should take cut because I don’t know what happens out and so we should probably pick this up from making sure all of this lag time gets cut out.  Ok.

Tripp Lanier:  Ok.

Alissa Kriteman:  Ok, so introducing new things, if we think our man is down forward and he is pretty open just go for it and if we have a little reservation but we really want something let’s talk about communication skills.  So you said honey, there’s something I want to talk to you about and just be really honest, I am really afraid to share this, I feel a little intimidated, I don’t know how you’re going to respond and I just want to get it out there.

Tripp Lanier:  Yeah, it could also be like, hey, yeah this is edgy for me, this is scary but there’s this thing that really I am turned on by, I am magnetized by and I want to share that with you.  Understand that it might be edgy for guys but I know so many guys that are so turned on when their woman are turned on.

We want to turn even, we want to drive you crazy, we want that.  So you’re giving us any insight into where that may happen, as soon that the guy is in that place like he wants to pleasure you and he wants to please you, he wants to gift you in that way, this is an opportunity to throw him a bone, he doesn’t have to get what that might be, feels great to have you speak up for that.

So yes, it can be edgy but look at it as a place of like wow, this is something really cool and fun that I get to introduce.

Alissa Kriteman:  I like that.  What’s one way that for sure will kill intimacy with a man.

Tripp Lanier:  Talking about how big your ex-boyfriend’s penis is.

Alissa Kriteman:  Or anything about the ex-boyfriend, yeah?

Tripp Lanier:  I don’t know, some guys might be into that, oh what do you do it from, ok good, yeah.  I don’t, for me when a woman is closed off from her desire or when she is closed off emotionally, that’s a huge turn off, actually there really can be no intimacy at that point.  She is not available.

You know one thing that I think of is there’s the kind of popular culture standard of what a “beautiful woman’ is and I have had, I have been able to interact with women that fit into that league and I have had interactions with women that didn’t fit in that league physically, that were way more open and way more juicy, I was way more turned on in intimate with the women that didn’t have the looks, let’s say, you know that didn’t fit on that kind of scale that so many women measure themselves by.

So my point is like how open can you be energetically, confident just being a yes to what’s happening and being really self-assured is such a turn on for me.

Alissa Kriteman:  Ok, confident, open, when you say open and juicy are you talking about a woman who maybe in feminine clothing, I mean can a corporate woman be open and juicy who is like in these high heels and low suits and do you know what I am saying, what is open and juicy look like?

Tripp Lanier:  I get pretty turned on as you said the high heels and the skirts but yeah, there’s a flavor of the feminine.  There’s all of these different flavors and one way there maybe a preference for the buttoned up librarian and the next weekend maybe the kind of the ‘dirty girl’ that has it.  I don’t think there’s any one thing there but there the energetic quality, in the same way that woman are so sensitive to a guy when he walks in the room or there’s something about him, what is that?

Well, guys aren’t stupid either.  We may be fixated on the bodies sticking for, a lot of it but energetically you can really, the more open and the more fluid you are in who you are, that’s a huge turn on for me.

Alissa Kriteman:  Right, it’s interesting because you know I talk to a lot of women, I coach women and their self-confidence and self-esteem is really shot and they’re looking for the love of their life in their relationship and I constantly focus back on them in getting their confidence in a great place, their self-esteem in a great place and so you’re echoing that to us now saying you know, as guys you wanted to feel good and you want to gift us and you’re trying to make our lives feel better so if we don’t come from that place to begin with, wow, I can really see for men, what hard work that would be and how you would steer away from a woman who is not really open and juicy in her own right for herself?

Tripp Lanier:  Yeah, and knowing that she may spend an enormous amount of her time and energy worrying about how she looks and that’s just only, it’s not just a fraction of it.  I can be attractive to a woman from across the room, have an exchange with her and lose all of my attraction like I just, I’ll see her as someone that might be interesting to hang out as a friend but even then it’s like I am just not feeling anything here, there’s nothing, she is closed off, she is closed down and yeah.

Alissa Kriteman:  Ok, so tell us what are some tips for having or giving a man a great blowjob?

Tripp Lanier:  I have not given a blowjob, so…

Alissa Kriteman:  Yes, but you’ve received some, haven’t you?

Tripp Lanier:  This week I have not given any blowjobs.

Alissa Kriteman:  Well, let’s talk about that.

Tripp Lanier:  No teeth, but that doesn’t mean that I want you to have dentures and take them out, I can’t stand the teeth, how is that?

Alissa Kriteman:  Dirt teeth, ok.

Tripp Lanier:  If you were fine, if you’re keeping the teeth off of the member there, so…

Alissa Kriteman:  We have to compete with cosmo and all these other magazines and podcast shows who are talking about there, so come on, you’re a guy.

Tripp Lanier:  I didn’t drag you to see the gutter on my show, come on.

Alissa Kriteman:  [inaudible]

Tripp Lanier:  Actually just order my ebook right now ‘Ten tips to the great blowjob’ buy on my website.

Alissa Kriteman:  But it sounds like what you were saying before about just trying things out and being creative and being confident and talking to your partner you know, do you like this, is this something that feels good to you because I think so often we’re so insecure normally and then when it comes to sexuality, it’s like forget it, because there’s so much energy happening and..[inaudible] least conversation it’s happening so that’s why I like talking about sex.

Tripp Lanier:  Oh that’s the only reason, yeah.

Alissa Kriteman:  Because then we can all have better sex, you know, with each other and I think it’s really important for us as you know, empowered men and empowered women to start talking about our sexuality in healthy ways and this is how we’re going to do it, you know, slowly slowly by approaching the subjects and it’s interesting, I know you were just kidding but you were saying dragging the conversation in the mud and this is what I am saying.  It’s like oh my god, we want to talk about sexuality and we want to have better sex and connection with our partners and yet man, this stigma is so built into our society that it’s dirty and we need to hide and all of these things so it’s just really funny how engrained that is in our society which is why I wanted to kind of pop this open and talk to you about sex.

Tripp Lanier:  I think that’s great and as I am feeling into that like would I rather have a blowjob from a woman that’s closed off and she is fearful, that doesn’t feel good to me but if I am with a woman and she is open to being adventurous and wanting to gift me and really like, you’ve been driving a long time, I want to give you a blowjob, are you… or you continue drive like this.  This place like that would be more exciting, so I don’t have necessarily tips on like work the staff and do this to the balls and all that kind of stuff so much as like where are you coming from?  Where is the energy?  Are you excited?  Are you turned on?  Are you meeting me where I am? I would speak more to that.  I’d rather have, to me that’s where I get most aroused is in that energetic room.

Alissa Kriteman:  Got it.  It maybe before physical touch even happens, like what’s the exchange, is she tapped into where you are, is this even the appropriate time?  Have you had a long day?  Would you like this gift, you know?

Tripp Lanier:  Yes, and if she is coming from a place of obligation or like well I want, and taking out to dinner, I don’t like that crap at all.  Like I wanted to be a gift, I wanted to like oh yeah, this is awesome and she is seeing me, she is serving me, she is recognizing that I am going to be served by this, this feels great, that’s when I meet if.

Alissa Kriteman:  Awesome.  So we have to wrap up here and I so appreciate you telling us all of these things.  There’s one little thing I want to do, it’s called a Madeline and it’s just kind of your first cut whatever comes off the top of your head and fill in the sentence down, just kind of a little thing I like to do.

All right so begin, just top of mind whatever comes to you, ready?  Ok.  If he is not calling you back….

Tripp Lanier:  He is scared.

Alissa Kriteman:  When your man is shut down in retreating…

Tripp Lanier:  He is scared.

Alissa Kriteman:  One thing never ______ man…..

Tripp Lanier:  Oh

Alissa Kriteman:  Was that your answer?

Tripp Lanier:  Yeah, I don’t, no I am not feeling anything there, I would keep it wide open.

Alissa Kriteman:  No you have to answer them.

Tripp Lanier:  I have to answer it.

Alissa Kriteman:  I’ll come back to that one.

Tripp Lanier:  Ok.

Alissa Kriteman:  Yeah, you have to answer them out.  Ok, one way to win a man’s heart is to….

Tripp Lanier:  Own your own, become from your heart.

Alissa Kriteman:  Nice, and one thing to never say to a man is…

Tripp Lanier:  I want to say something that it’s like don’t say something to a man that you really don’t, oh no, I am trying to get it right….

Alissa Kriteman:  Your cock is small.

Tripp Lanier:  Yeah, I am talking small but there’s something around it like if you really don’t mean it, if you’re really wanting to, if you really want to say something just to hurt the guy, don’t do that but if you can serve the guy then by all means, that’s fine like you could say the same thing, it could come from a place like no, I really fucking mean this, I mean you need to hear it or it could be, you don’t mean it and you just want to hurt him, that feels like crap.

Alissa Kriteman:  Yeah, but what happens when we’re in maybe a little upset, a little afraid of rage or something and that’s a good one to end with, how do we clean it up when we’ve really kind of said something mean to our man?  What do men like as clean up, you know, we like roses and flowers and stuff, what do men like when we screw up?

Tripp Lanier:  When you own it, when you own that that was your stuff and that you were trying to be mean and you were trying to hurt and you take responsibility for it.

Alissa Kriteman:  That will actually wrap it up for our guys?

Tripp Lanier:  I think that that’s the start and then the blowjob.

Alissa Kriteman:  That’s what I was getting that, blowjob serves everything, with no teeth.

Tripp Lanier:  No teeth, take out your dentist.

Alissa Kriteman:  Tripp Lanier, thank you so much for being on Just for Women, you were so fun to talk to and very insightful.  Thank you for all these juicy tidbits.

Tripp Lanier:  Thank you, thank you very much and for all of you women out there, please come and check out the new www.thenewmanpodcast.com.

Alissa Kriteman:  TheNewManPodcast.com and who you are interviewing?  What are you talking to experts to but for guys?

Tripp Lanier:  Crazy women like Alissa Kriteman.  We talk to men and women to get insights on what has the guy be more in his heart where has the guy be more in his strength, we talk to experts in all kinds of fields.  Guys that have been in a rack and women that serve in the authentic man program and give men feedback, it’s all across the board, what can we do to live a more heartful and strength-based life.

Alissa Kriteman:  Nice, yes ladies and gentlemen, all listening, we actually did an interview, Tripp and I and it was really fun and it was so fun to be on the other end of the recording microphone and so yeah, check that out and again thenewmanpodcast.com, right?

Tripp Lanier:  Yes.

Alissa Kriteman:  And you also have your own website, yeah?

Tripp Lanier:  Yes, tripplanier.com, you can find more about the coaching that I do and the group facilitation, all of that stuff is on there.

Alissa Kriteman:  Perfect, awesome.  Again thank you so much…

Tripp Lanier:  Thank you.

Alissa Kriteman:  For being on the show, yeah it’s always a pleasure, and listeners again, text and transcripts of the show, just go to personallifemedia.com if you want to send me an email, it’s [email protected].  I am always happy to get your emails and answer your questions and again, you know, we answer them on the show.  We have our experts take a look at what the listeners are looking for so feel free to email me.  Also check out my book ‘living your dreams’ on amazon.com, my fantastic copulation of exercises and tools to help you have the life that you want, desire and deserve.

All right, so Tripp again thank you.  Thank you thank you.

Tripp Lanier:  Thank you thank you.

Alissa Kriteman:  And signing off, your host Alissa Kriteman, always expanding your awareness and choices here on Just for Women, dating, relationships and sex.  Tune in next week for more juicy news you can use.

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