Episode 42 - Bryan Bayer, co-founder of the Authentic Man Program Reveals “The World of the Empowered MAN”

Transcript

Alissa Kriteman: Welcome to Just for Women: Dating, Relationships and Sex. I’m your host, Alissa Kriteman. This show is dedicated to brining you world class information from today’s top relationship experts. Today on the show I’m very happy to welcome Bryan Bayer, CEO of Authentic World and one of the co-founders of the Authentic Man Program. On the show today we’re going to take a bit of a different track, and we’re going to look at what’s going on in the world of men: how they empower themselves, how they strive to have better relationships with women, and have more love, passion, romance in their lives.

Alissa Kriteman: How did you get to the place where you wanted to dedicate your life to empowering men in their lives?

Bryan Bayer: Well, the bottom line is that women, they just want to be friends with me, we go the ‘lets just be friends talk’. My best friend started dating the women I wanted to date. Like, I would have a woman over to my house and she would go off with him as soon as she met him.

Bryan Bayer: Most guys just sit on their ass and watch TV and hope  that they may bump into a girl at work, you know, and it’s like these guys are more proactive about it, and they’re some of our best students actually. They end up quitting pick-up actually when they come into our courses because it just doesn’t feel good to them; it’s a lot of work this pick-up stuff, you know, ‘cause it’s not just flowing from the inside out, there’s like something they stick on top.

Bryan Bayer: Guys don’t have a training manual and there’s no one size fits all advice. It has to be personalized, it has to be tailored ‘cause for one guy who’s like totally emotionally constipated and he just stuffs all his emotions down like a trash compactor and then he never reveals anything, and then he, then it just comes out as jabby and weird, he needs one set of advice, and then another guy who’s just like this kind of nice guy with this kind of painted on smile who’s like totally cut off from his balls, he needs a different set of advice and coaching.

Alissa Kriteman: I’m Alissa Kriteman, your host of Just for Women: Dating, Relationships and Sex. We’re speaking with Bryan Bayer, co-founder of the Authentic Man Program, and why I’m addressing this today is because I’ve gotten a few emails from the male Just for Women listeners and they’ve written into me and they want to know what’s going on in the world of men’s empowerment. So today I’m very excited to talk with Bryan Bayer about this subject.

Bryan Bayer: So the whole idea behind Authentic World is that we looked at what’s plaguing society, and people are trying to fill wholes inside them. They’re hungry for something and they don’t know where to get it so they consume, consume, consume, and so really the reason we developed Authentic World is number one, to help people have more fulfilling vibrant kick-ass rewarding relationships, because if they do that they’re going to stop screwing up the environment and consuming and all that kinds of crap that comes with trying to be, fill in some kind of whole inside of ourselves. And so we don’t focus so much on that, we’re about just having kick-ass, amazing relationships, and that’s what we’re committed to with Authentic World.

Alissa Kriteman: And so right now you have the Authentic Woman Experience for women and the Authentic Man Program for men. Is there anything else?

Bryan Bayer: No, that about does it I’d say.

Alissa Kriteman: Alright, cool. Let me just tell our listeners a little bit about you. So like I said, Bryan’s the CEO of Authentic World, co-founder of the Authentic Man Program. He’s also a personal coach whose coached hundreds of people in success in communications, business and their personal relationships. And you have an extensive background in NLP, integral theory, communications, man/woman dynamics, what else?

Bryan Bayer: Psychology.

Alissa Kriteman: Psychology, of course. Yeah, and so, but tell us, how did you take all of that and get to the place where you wanted to dedicate your life to empowering men in their lives?

Bryan Bayer: Well the bottom line is ‘cause women, it was pissing me off, my relationships with women ‘cause they kept doing this thing like they just want to be friends with me, we got the ‘lets just be friends’ talk all the time, I did, and I got frikken sick of it, I just, it drove me frikken crazy. It was really bad whenever, my best friend started dating the women I wanted to date. Like, I would have a woman over to my house and she would go off with him as soon as she met him, and this just started to drive me nuts, especially whenever, there was a woman who I fell deeply in love with and she ended up dating him, and I was, you know, I love, I love Dekker, he’s actually the, you mentioned him before, I love him but I wanted to kill him, and I was so frustrated so I asked her, “What is that’s, why are you with him and not with me? What’s the thing with me? What’s getting in my way, ‘cause I know it’s getting in my way with a lot of other women?”, and she said, “I feel like you want something from me and I feel like I need to protect myself”, and at first I was like, “You’re crazy. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” And then I realized, “Oh yeah, I want you to want to sleep with me. I want you to find me a sexually desirable guy. Even more than wanting to have sex with you, I want you to want to sleep with me”, and when I imagined being her in that moment, I realized that felt like total crap, like to have this, be with someone who I really care about, but I need to protect myself, that I’m a means to an end for them just felt terrible, and so I endeavored and committed that I’m not going to, I’m not going to try and get with her or with any woman until I get that handled ‘cause I realized there was this needy part of me and I wanted to clear that out. I was like, “I don’t want to relate with women in that way at all if I’m, that’s how I’m going to be.

Alissa Kriteman: Okay, so I have a question.

Bryan Bayer: Yeah.

Alissa Kriteman: So are you saying that men  who are dating and they’re out there meeting women, are you saying it’s more beneficial for them to tell a woman the truth about what he’s wanting? ‘Cause I could see that being a very slippery slope.

Bryan Bayer: Totally. So you’re saying in the reverse. Like should guys give women feedback about what they….

Alissa Kriteman: No. Clearly this woman could detect something, and until you were at your wits end you weren’t really aware of it, and so in a conversation with a woman, say when a man is getting to know this woman and he can feel it’s off, she can feel it’s off, is it alright for him to say what’s going on with him?

Bryan Bayer: Yeah, I think that’s awesome. I used to do that all the time and I got great feedback. I mean there were times when like I would, a woman wouldn’t call me back, and I’d be like, I’d call and be like, “Hey, I know, I’m clear you must not be, you know, you must not have been feeling it, I could feel that too, but do you have any insight into how, like what, what in my way of being was getting in the way, ‘cause I keep seeing this coming up”, and, and I rarely go calls back, and it was really frustrating to me because I would’ve listened and I know it would’ve made a difference for me. And I always encourage my female friends and the women that I coach to give guys feedback and that’s most just ‘cause I’m trying to support my bro’s out there who are clueless. Like they’re going around and all they’re getting are no calls back, you know, and they don’t know what they’re doing. And if a woman just said, “You know, I don’t, I feel bored with you, I don’t feel you in your balls” or “I, you know, you seem to pushy to me”, then that would be something that they could work with at least.

Alissa Kriteman: Got it, okay, so ladies who are listening, it’s okay to tell a man really what’s going on with him and really to have the courage, and I, I would think it would give freedom to both people. So lets get back, you want….

Bryan Bayer: Let me just add one thing to that, is you have to be coming from a place that there’s not something wrong with him, but that there’s, you just, you see that there’s something in the way with him, that may be in the way of his relay with women and that you want happiness and fulfillment with him in relationships, and then just share your experience, like did you feel like you needed to protect yourself or did you feel like, share your experience rather than telling him he’s too pushy. Say, “I feel like I need to protect myself” or “You know, I felt a little bored, and I felt frustrated and skeptical that you could really take me in bed”, you know, or whatever, whatever’s true for her rather than saying, “You’re not, you’re too nice” or “You’re too this.” That will make it easier for guys to hear that.

Alissa Kriteman: Proper communication and delivery is also key, and I think, yeah, definitely coming from I feel, I thought those kinds of things, versus you, you.

Bryan Bayer: Yeah, yeah. Totally.

Alissa Kriteman: Alright, well lets get back to what you were saying about your friendship with Dekker, ‘cause I think that’s really important that it didn’t destroy the friendship, that you were open enough to say, “Wow, here’s my friend. He seems to be taking all the women that I’m brining home. What’s going on?”, versus getting really mad at him. How’d you do that?

Bryan Bayer: Well I did get mad at him, but I, I got over that, you know, I got through that, ‘cause I didn’t want to restrict his, his freedom either, you know, and, but ultimately we talked about it and I was, I went, we agreed, I was like, “What am I, what are you doing?”, and he was like, “Well I would recommend that you stop trying to create attraction with women.” And so I, I was like, “Alright, I’ll take that on”, and I took on that maybe no woman would ever be attracted to me ever again. Like, could I be in love with my life with no woman ever being attracted to me ever again, and I practiced that for several months, and I went and did a ten day vopufsna meditation course where, just to clear all that stuff out, and I stopped approaching women, all that stuff, and I just went on like a no women diet for a while. And at the end of it I really had become really satisfied enjoying my life without attachment whether women were in it or not.

Alissa Kriteman: That’s good advice for anyone, and we definitely heard that before about some of the experts who’ve talked about how do you approach having a successful relationship. It’s really loving yourself and your life first, so actually doing that work, it’s great to hear that men are doing that work too.

Bryan Bayer: Totally, yeah. And, but first they got to be pointed in the direction. And I think that’s the biggest thing we offer is guys don’t have a training manual and there’s no one size fits all advice. It has to be personalized, it has to be tailored, ‘cause for one guy who’s like totally emotionally constipated and he just stuffs all his emotions down like a, like one of those trash compactors, I mean he never feels anything, and then he, and then he, it just comes out as jabby and weird, like that’s, he needs one set of advice, and another guy who’s just like this kind of nice guy with this painted on smile who’s like totally cut off from his balls, he needs a different set of advice and coaching. So, so by helping them see that and be like, “Hey bro, I’m not seeing this with you”, they get a huge, they get honest reflection. And we have a team of women who can really nail that home for them and help them see, “Oh wow, when you did this I felt turned on and I felt my pussy tingle”, you know, they’ll be very specific, or else they’ll feel like, “You know, I have to protect my, I feel like I have to protect myself with you.”

Alissa Kriteman: And so when you say the women come in, you’re talking the Authentic Man Program and, tell me more about that.

Bryan Boyer: Yeah, so it’s a weekend intensive where guys come in and they, like we keep it very small, like 12 guys, it’s very intimate, and the first couple days we work with just the men because otherwise they’ll just get demolished when the women come in on Sunday. But on Sunday the women come in and they do exercises, like for example a silent approach where guys will walk up to a pair of women who are seated and stand in front of them, and then we will have the women give guys feedback. And they’ll just go on and on and on without this guy even saying a word for five minutes, like I have to cut them off and pause them so this guy can just digest it all because he’s getting direct spot-on feedback, and guys say, “I feel naked. I feel naked after this because women are so insightful”, like you all feel everything. You know whether a guy’s looking at you or he’s putting attention on you before he does a lot of the times, and so we try and make that clear on our courses. And when guys get aware of what’s going on for them that they’re not aware of, I call it like they’re in The Matrix, you know like in that movie The Matrix with Neo, he’s in the Matrix but he doesn’t realize he’s in the frikken Matrix, right? And so when he gets the red pill, then he kind of realizes, “Holy shit, that wasn’t even really reality, but I thought it was, and I had no idea that there was this whole vale covering me”, and guys are sleepwalking. They’re sleepwalking their Matrix and they don’t get it. And so the amp, one of the courses we offer is like called The Red Pill weekend because that’s what we do is, it’s like a pill where they can wake up and see like, “Holy shit, this is what’s been in the way for me all my life”, and now once you’re aware of it then you can have choice.

Alissa Kriteman: Here’s the amazing thing about what you’re saying: it’s coming from women.

Bryan Bayer: Totally. And that’s the thing is women are so sensitive. That’s what cracked it open for me, I was like, “Wow!” Afterwards my dating, my relating with women skyrocketed, after I got this feedback and I was like, “Holy shit”, this is, this was such a gift for me, and not just ‘cause I had an abundance of women in my life, but because I was a better man after that. Like I was more whole and complete in myself, and since then and up until this day I continue to get served on a daily basis in being a better man and giving my deepest gifts to the world by really being open and available to honest loving feedback from women. ‘Cause most women will just kind of give you the hand or, or else they’ll be bitchy and lash out and neither of those are useful as a guy. But their honest vulnerable feedback to me, it gets right in there and it helps me realize things that I hadn’t been aware of, ‘cause ya’ll are more sensitive. We’re kind of dumb lug guys, you know, we don’t get, we’re not so sensitive as you are. So it helps, it really helps.

Alissa Kriteman: Yeah. I really appreciate that. We’re going to take a break to support our sponsors, and when we come back I want to talk more about this and then get into some of the other things that might be going on in the dating scene. This is Alissa Kriteman, your host of Just for Women: Dating, Relationships and Sex. We’re talking with Bryan Bayer, co-founder of the Authentic Man Program, and we’ll be right back.

Alissa Kriteman: We’re back. I’m Alissa Kriteman, your host of Just for Women: Dating, Relationships and Sex. We’re speaking with Bryan Bayer, co-founder of the Authentic Man Program. Okay Bryan, you gave us some really amazing insightful information on how to communicate with the man, what really works with the man, how to wake our men up in a way that they can really get it, so thank you for that. I want to read you an excerpt from an email I got from one of the Just for Women subscribers. Here’s a question from one of our listeners, here name is Roe. She writes: “I’ve lived my almost 40 years trying to be truthful in the dating world, and when I hear about avatars and sets and situational openers and game, it makes me nauseous. I also see elements of treating women as owing men something as part of this technique; things like “How to get her to give you the first kiss every time. Make her work to give it to you.” Or how about, “The guaranteed easy way to find the girl who’s the most sexual in any group.” She wants to know, “Are we training a whole generation of men to be just pick-up artists without any tools or inclination to truly know and respect a woman?” And when I read this I was like, “Oh my god, I have to find someone who can answer this question”, because if women are writing in about it, it’s starting to become pervasive in our community, so, in our society really, so can you speak about what this game, this kind of seduction community pick-up artist stuff is and what we need to know about it?

Bryan Bayer: Sure. It started by this book called The Game by Neil Strauss, and it basically highlighted this whole undercover world of guys who are frustrated with their, relating with women and realized that they want to get better at it. They see a girl who they want to meet and they don’t know what to say and they’re feeling real intimidated and scared ‘cause it’s like one of the fucking scariest things in the world to go up and talk to a woman who’s intimidatingly radiant, you know. Like it’s just like you get blown out. It’s like worse than rock climbing. You know, like it’s like, it’s like tough.

Alissa Kriteman: What do you mean blown out?

Bryan Bayer: Blown out meaning that it fry’s our circuits and we go up into our head and we can’t feel our bodies anymore. We get tense and tight and jittery and shaky and nervous and we lose all confidence. Even like really confident guys, guys who are public speakers and bad-asses in their field, when it comes down to approaching a beautiful woman, a woman they find beautiful, intimidatingly beautiful, it’s like they freeze up, and I see it time and again with doctors and just high powered people, attorneys and, you know, powerful businessmen and stuff, and they just wilt in this arena. And for a lot of guys I believe it’s really about freedom, like they want to have freedom to not be intimidated and not be, they want to have freedom to not be intimidated. And the fact of the matter is this is, these, these techniques and gimmicks have been developed to be like, “Here’s something you can say. Here’s how to get her to be attracted to you, and here’s how to pool her attention and make her interested in you.” But they’re gimmicks and techniques, so they work on one level, but on another level if you don’t have the substance under it to hold, to uphold a conversation and uphold a relationship, an intimate connection, then it’s going to fall, you know, you’re going to fall on your ass eventually. You can’t just live off junk food. You know, it can be a nice little pick-me-up, but it’s not, it’s not, it’s not a meal.

Alissa Kriteman: Sounds like it’s not sustainable. So the upside of all this pick-up stuff is that men who normally would shut down and close off, freak out, burn out in the face of a beautiful woman, someone that they’re really attracted to, at least now maybe they have some things, some inroad so they’re not so shut down.

Bryan Bayer: Yeah, it’s like some training, training wheels, training wheels.

Alissa Kriteman: But if a man doesn’t have the sounds like authenticity and ability, what else does a man need to go beyond these situational techniques and one-liners?

Bryan Bayer: Well here’s the problem, I’ll answer that question in a moment, but here’s the problem that I see with that is that guys decide that they want to learn all these techniques and it’s like you said, it’s like a surefire way to make her want to kiss you and make her work for it. Like guys, part of it appeals to guys desire for control, like, “When I say something happens, it frikken happens”, you know. Like guys just like that. They want to know when they push a button it’s going to do a certain thing. You know, it’s, right?

Alissa Kriteman: And women are so not like that.

Bryan Bayer: Totally, yeah, right. And so, it’s, there’s something about, it’s ridiculous but it’s talking about making women predictable, ‘cause they’re the most unpredictable thing in the whole frikken universe, and guys want some kind of like, “Hey, can I at least get a handle on this ‘cause it freaks me out ‘cause I don’t know what she’s going to do. Is she going to reject me? She could reject, not reject me now, but then what about in the next moment?” So if I have a surefire way that she’s going to want to kiss me and actually she’s coming after me, I’ll feel a lot safer then, you know. That’s a big piece of it is like guys want control and women have been talking about relationships for years and guys are just been clueless. They haven’t really talked to each other about it. So this is on the first way, the first level of that. Well I’ll just talk about the pitfall here, which is that it can become objectifying. It can become this same damn thing that was happening with me with this woman where I’m like, “I want you to want me”, and so if I, if I had a trick to make her want me I might’ve used it ‘cause I was desperate, and the thing is when she becomes an object and not another human being, another person with her own hopes and desires and thoughts and feelings and experiences to me, that’s where the problem it with pick-up is we objectify them and they become a target or a girl, “Lets see if I can get her”, and she becomes a thing rather than a being.

Alissa Kriteman: How would a woman know when she’s talking to someone who’s laying this stuff on her? How ‘bout this: want to role play, could you role play?

Bryan Bayer: We could try it. I have no idea, I’m not a pick-up artist, so I don’t, I’m going to be a bad pick-up artist if we do it.

Alissa Kriteman: Well I just know that clearly this woman who’s writing in, she’s seen things, she’s probably seen emails, maybe there’s some men in her life she knows that is talking about stuff, and I definitely heard other women talk about it too, and they feel like it’s locker room talk, it’s another notch on the belt kind of thing, and I, that’s why I want to talk to you about it because you’re doing something totally different.

Bryan Bayer: Yeah. Well the advice I could give women is that I think women’s intuition is one of the strongest things in the whole universe, and so my advice to women is feel your heart, practice feeling your heart, and if you can feel the thread of his heart, you are probably safe, that, it’s where guys are totally shut down in their heart. If a guy’s open in his heart he’s not going to play that, he’s not going to, he’s not going to objectify you. That’s the opposite of objectification when a guy’s in his heart. The nice thing is at least they’re in their masculinity, like it’s a step up from being like a wuss. At least a pick-up guy, he’s going to, you’re going to be, have fun with him, you’re going to be laughing your ass off usually. Like pick-up guys are usually a lot of fun, they learn how to tell jokes and funny stories and banter and all that kind of stuff, so that’s the signs, and you can enjoy that, that’s great. Whether you want to engage in a long-term relationship, if you’re looking for a serious long-term relationship, check his heart. Feel, stop in feeling with him and check if you can feel his heart or not. Do you know what I, I’m sure, you’re a woman, you know what I mean by that, right?

Alissa Kriteman: Yeah, clearly, clearly.

Bryan Bayer: Most guys would be like, “Feel her heart? What do you mean by that? I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”

Alissa Kriteman: What do you mean by that?

Bryan Bayer: That you would bring awareness to your own chest, into your heart area and check it, and then, and then, and then imagine what it would be like to feel his. I’m not sure, I’ve never really had to describe that. But that’s how I do it is I imagine like, women are like tuning forks, so they’ll feel in their bodies the way a man is feeling in his body. So if he’s all up in his head and nervous and kind of twitchy, she’s going to feel that way too and she’s going to be turned off. But, and if a man’s in his heart and really actively getting her as another human being and really appreciating her, she’s going to feel her heart too. So I would, I would, I would question, is this guy seeing you as another human being or just like a thing, and a lot of times the first few minutes are not a good indicator of that. Like even I, and I do this stuff, like I have the same thing come up at times, like this intensity, and I don’t bring myself fully when I first meet a woman. So it takes a moment for me to drop in and just relax ‘cause there’s like this weird fight or flight thing that comes up, a lot of times when, when meeting people for the first time.

Alissa Kriteman: It’s interesting, what you’re saying is really, you’re saying, women, empower yourselves, trust your intuition, trust how it feels because that is going to be the biggest indicator of whether or not this person is someone you want to have a long-term relationship with, and if you do just want to go and have fun, those kinds of guys are probably the guys who are spot on for that.

Bryan Bayer: They’re great, they’re great for that I would say.

Alissa Kriteman: ‘Cause it sounds like they’re getting trained and having fun and maybe thinking up fun dates and what not, and so it has its purpose.

Bryan Bayer: Yeah. They put a lot of thought into everything they do, and that’s great because they’re actually intentional about it, and it’s more than can be said for most guys, you know. Most guys just sit on their ass and watch TV and hope that they may bump into a girl at work, you know, and it’s like these guys are more proactive about it. And they’re some of our best students actually. They end up quitting pick-up actually when they come into our courses because it just doesn’t feel good to them. It’s a lot of work this pick-up stuff, you know ‘cause it’s not necessarily authentic, it’s not just flowing from the inside out. It’s like something they stick on top, and a lot of times it’s like lipstick on the pig, you know, like internally, internally they’re needy and trying to fill a whole inside so they stick this stuff on top of it, but it’s like, “Dude, get your inside worked out and then the outside will come, will flow naturally.

Alissa Kriteman: Yeah, it’s interesting, it’s interesting. Tell me more about what men, especially the men who are involved with pick-up, what do they get out of AMP that’s missing from the whole pick-up world?

Bryan Bayer: It’s, well what, one of the things we emphasize in AMP is presence, right, and by being present I mean being in your body, being able to feel the sensations in your body, being able to be aware of the space that’s around me rather than thinking about what to say next, etcetera. Like, it’s just us hanging out together, and that presence alone can be an aphrodisiac. Like that just being with someone and feeling into them, like putting attention fully on a woman, I can practice right now, we can see how that….

Alissa Kriteman: I feel a lot more calm, you know, when a man is really putting his attention on me. It’s as though I get to relax.

Bryan Bayer: Yeah, and so steady at presence and cultivating that and clearing out, getting guys out of their head and into their bodies, that’s a big piece that we teach at AMP, and what we find is that things flow naturally, conversation flows naturally, curiosity, natural curiosity arises whenever we’re just dropping into presence without trying to fix or change or take it anywhere. And we have very, very specific exercise on how to do that. The other thing we do, and this is probably more deep and intense is we clear out a lot of places where guys have shame, right. Like that’s probably what drives things, if guys are feeling a need inside or that you feel needy, it’s ‘cause there’s some place where there’s shame, there’s something that’s not okay about who you are. Fundamentally there’s some kind of belief in there, and we have ways, we have a very specific process of going in and basically uprooting that, tearing it out, taking it out by the roots very gently and lovingly, but it goes, and shame burns off inside of this weekend so that guys come into relating with women more whole and complete, similar to the process I went through whenever, whenever the women that I wanted to be with wasn’t, was feeling, you know, funky with me. ‘Cause if it feels good, if a woman, if a guy feels good with a woman, she’s going to want to be around him, that’s what it comes down to. And guys feel better if they’re not packed, got shame all coming out of their ears, you know.

Alissa Kriteman: Yeah. Do you think men carry more shame than women or is it equal or what?

Bryan Bayer: You know, I don’t know. I know that there’s, I know it’s on both sides, I’m sure it’s on both sides. I think they’re probably ashamed about different things. They’re probably ashamed about different things. Like guys are more ashamed about their performance and whether they’re good enough and, but I think there’re shame about sex on both sides, like massive shame, you know, yeah.

Alissa Kriteman: We could do a whole show on sex and shame. Maybe we’ll do that in the future.

Bryan Bayer: And it’s not like the sexiest topic, but I get excited, like when I see somebody who’s feeling shame or something, it’s like, “Oh, cool”, because I know that on the other side of that is more self acceptance and more peace which means more bad-ass mother fucker on the other side. Like these guys step into being bad asses because they’re not being held back by all their crap, and that’s, that’s inherently attractive and there’s nothing, they don’t have to do anything. And that’s what’s so great, that’s what pick-up offers is effortless attraction as opposed to I have to do in order to get attraction, these guys, when they come out of AMP, they’re more able to just be themselves and get attraction. And not be yourself like your mom says, “Well just be yourself”, ‘cause a lot of times ‘be yourself’ is like, “Yeah, I’m frikkin insecure and needy”, that’s me being myself. But me being my best self means clearing away that shame and bringing the fullness of who I am, and that’s what we mean by being is attractive rather than the doing that’s attractive.

Alissa Kriteman: I like that, it’s almost spiritual in nature, you know, it’s like, “You divine masculine”,you know, David Data talks a lot about that, but really it sounds that way, you know, once you’ve sort of chipped away at all of the constructs that you’ve built up around yourself your whole life, it’s like oh, you can finally relax into this bonding experience it sounds like with men and authentically be with women. One last question before we wrap up here, and this has been amazing, yummy, juicy, powerful information.

Bryan Bayer: Glad to hear it.

Alissa Kriteman: What’s the difference between a man being nice and being authentic?

Bryan Bayer: Well there’s a huge difference I guess. Nice, I think, well it depends on what you mean by nice, but for example like, there’s guys who are nice guys and a lot of times they’re the most inauthentic guys out there. They’ll buy women drinks in order to get them to like them or they’ll agree with women when they don’t really agree, when they disagree or they’ll basically subjugate themselves or, what’s that word? They, damn, I’m, can’t think of it, but they, it’s basically they put themselves below or try and compensate. And so that’s the opposite of authenticity. Yeah, they try and do things in order to win a woman’s favor, and that’s the opposite of authenticity. By authentic we mean doing, like not trying to get something outside of yourself in order to, in order to be whole and complete, and that’s, that’s really what we mean by, and that you’re acting from a place of doing things for its own sake instead of like in order to. That’s what we mean by authentic in AMP anyway.

Alissa Kriteman: I love it, Bryan Bayer. Thank you so much for being on Just for Women today. Thank you for being, this is really, yeah, it’s really important information and thank you for helping us understand what this whole pick-up stuff is, finding the benefits in it, finding the not so great pieces of it and really helping us come to clarity on what’s possible for men and doing your part to having empowered awesome kick-ass men out there in the world, we really appreciate it, I’ll speak for all women listening. So tell us how we can find you.

Bryan Bayer: Well you can go to www.authenticmanprogram.com, and if you like you can download, if you go in there you can put your name and email and you get a free ebook with the top ten sticking points where guys get stuck in relating with women and how to get over it. And we also offer a bunch of other free stuff on there, a three DVD set on that, what I mentioned before, presence, on cultivating presence, so you can get a free three DVD set and a ebook if you go to authenticmanprogram.com.

Alissa Kriteman: Awesome. That’s for all our male listeners and for the ladies, do you think they’d want the, I guess they could give it to their men.

Bryan Bayer: Sure. authenticmanprogram.com, yeah.

Alissa Kriteman: And, I guess, authenticsf.com, if the women wanted to find out more about the Authentic Woman Experience, yeah?

Bryan Bayer: Yeah, it would be authenticworld.com.

Alissa Kriteman: Oh gosh…

Bryan Bayer: No, yeah.

Alissa Kriteman: authenticworld.com.

Bryan Bayer: We’re growing, we’re growing.

Alissa Kriteman: Yeah. Exciting stuff, thank you so much for being on the show today. And listeners again, you know, I love getting emails from you, so please feel free to send me any ideas you have about topics you want to hear or questions that you have. I can have experts like Bryan come on and answer them for you. And how you would do that is send an email to alissa, a-l-i-s-s-a, @personallifemedia.com. And for text and transcripts of this show and other shows on the Personal Life Media Network, just visit personallifemedia.com. Thank you so much again Bryan Bayer, co-founder of the Authentic Man Program. I’m your host Alissa Kriteman, always expanding your awareness here on Just for Women: Dating, Relationships and Sex.