Episode 32: “The Mystery of being a Sexual Woman in the World” with Tallulah Sulis
In this provocative interview with Erotic Educator Tallulah Sulis, we learn what a big role us being tapped into our sensual selves can play in the level of empowerment we feel each day. Tallulah gives us great insight on the benefits of being sexually empowered women as well as some ways we can be more aware of ourselves as sexual creatures.
Tallulah shares with us her ideas on:
- The Erotic Revolution she is a source in creating
- The many types of orgasm we can have as women
- Female Ejaculation: What it is and the power in trying it for yourself
Listen in as this deeply insightful and compassionate educator, filmmaker and pioneer shares with us her inspiration for creating Divine Nectar – an educational film about the power and purpose of understanding Female Ejaculation. If you want more out of your sex life – don’t miss this interview!
ALISSA KRITTEMAN: Welcome to “Just for Women: Dating, Relationships and Sex.” I’m your host, Alissa Kritteman. This show is dedicated to helping you be the most vibrant, turned-on and empowered woman you can be.
Today on the show, I’m very excited to talk to erotic educator, Tallulah Sulis. Today on the show, we’re going to talk about the erotic revolution that’s happening in America, orgasm and what female ejaculation is. So, Tallulah, welcome to the show.
TALLULAH SULIS: Thank you for having me.
ALISSA: For those of you who don’t yet know Tallulah, she is an erotic educator. She’s certified as a somatic sexologist from the Advanced Institute of Human Sexuality. She’s got and undergraduate degree from Sarah Lawrence College in New York, and she’s also a filmmaker.
So, Tallulah, I’m so excited to talk to you about this erotic revolution that’s happening, and how that affects women, our sense of ourselves, our sexuality in who we are as empowered women.
TALLULAH: Well, I came up with the term “erotic revolution” in terms of the work I’m trying to do right now. It started out as a movement of performance ritual and premiering my video which is about sexuality and women’s empowerment as well. And I thought, ‘How can I get this information out to people?’ and ‘How can I get people feeling really good, and really juicy, and really self-accepting about their bodies, particularly women having this experience of self-acceptance and empowerment and feeling really excited about their sexuality?’
So I really wanted to bring this movement out to people in urban areas, particularly San Francisco, and I’ve toured around the Northwest, and I’ll be going to Hawaii soon, too. And what I’m trying to do is host events that really get people talking and inspired about sexuality. And what they’re seeing is real women expressing themselves in an erotic way that’s very positive and with music and emotion, and information. So how can we blend all these together to get people really excited and inspired about their sexuality and educated at the same time.
ALISSA: Awesome! So what’s happening with women that you feel like a revolution is in order?
TALLULAH: I feel we need inspiration, and we need to feel…I talk a lot about self-acceptance and giving women permission- giving themselves permission. Cause I feel like there’s a lot of things in our society that maybe make us feel inadequate in some ways or make us feel like we’re not good enough. Or feel like we’re tired, you know- we’re not feeling juicy. We’re feeling pressure. So I want women to really feel excited and amped up about what they can do and new things they can try and how they can explore their sexuality- not from a place of fear, but from a place of deep self-love.
ALISSA: So tell us some of the issues that women come to you with as a somatic sexologist. What are you dealing with, with women?
TALLULAH: A lot of women come to me because they are trying to become more orgasmic. A lot of women feel inadequate in terms of their sexuality in some way, or they feel like they should be more orgasmic, or they’re not orgasmic at all. So that’s a big thing I’m working with women on a lot with. And a lot of women are going through a difficult time in their relationship, and they don’t know how to communicate with their partner their sexual needs.
And the third thing that I work with women about is getting to know their body and getting to know what they need and what they want, and getting in touch with different parts of their erotic-emotional self, which is really about….Sexuality for women is very much an emotional experience and a lot of times if we are not in touch with our emotional self, or we’re scared of our emotional energy, then that creates blockages within our sexuality. So those are some really common experiences that women are going through everywhere that we all need help and assistance on- communication and getting in touch with ourselves.
ALISSA: I think what you’re doing is so powerful, and yet at the same time, me coming from my Catholic background [laughs] thinking like, ‘I could never do that! My mother would flip out!’ So how did you come to be a sex educator, erotic educator, somatic sexologist?
TALLLULAH: Actually it’s been very recent, in the last four years that I started on this whole journey towards my own self-discovery sexually, and I’m still on this journey. I’m definitely with everyone else in that I feel like we all have our own unique journey with our sexuality. My journey has been very amazing and inspiring to me.
And it really actually started when I learned how to ejaculate. I had a partner who I was with who taught me how to ejaculate, and also gave me permission to sort of access that within myself. Once I tapped into that, it really opened up the flood-gates, so to speak, within myself sexually, and I felt like I was experiencing this sexual awakening within myself. It inspired me to actually want to share this with the entire world.
ALISSA: Interesting. Was it a man that actually helped you tap into this female ejaculation, a? And b, what is female ejaculation?
TALLULAH: Yes it was, actually, a man who helped me explore this and discover this within myself. And a lot of men have been very strong inspiration to me in terms of the making of my video and my erotic work, which has been really great and exciting. There’s so many wonderful men who are really tapped into the feminine essence and the divine feminine and women sexuality, too. So I felt very blessed to have that experience with my partner.
So before I talk about female ejaculation, first I’d like to talk about anatomy. I believe that every woman has the anatomy to learn how to ejaculate, or every woman has the capacity to learn how to ejaculate because we all have the same anatomy.
And that anatomy is the urethra, the urethral sponge which surrounds the urethra, also known as the G-spot. So the periurethral glands, which surround the urethra- they’re the glands that fill up with the ejaculate, they fill up with the fluid and get engorged with blood. The muscles which also surround the G-spot are the puboccygeus, or the PC muscles, and those are the muscles that help release and push out the ejaculate.
So the urethra, the clitoris, the periurethral glands which surround the urethra, and the female prostate, which is the G-spot. This is a whole interconnected network. It sounds a little big complicated but basically you have the glands which surround the urethra, the G-spot, which are the glands that fill up with the ejaculate and that creates the explosive female ejaculation experience with the muscles pushing out the ejaculate.
ALISSA: I love it. I just know that it feels good so it’s amazing to get the breakdown. So how is female ejaculation different from other kinds of orgasm, and is this an orgasm?
TALLULAH: You can ejaculate with an orgasm, and without an orgasm. And a lot of times it’s common to ejaculate right before an orgasm. It actually changes the quality of orgasm, only in that it’s a deeper form of release. So it’s more like your body is moving into this deep release of emotion and energy, and the energy’s moving throughout your whole body. And it depends…each experience is so different with it. So it doesn’t actually change the actual feeling of what the orgasm feels like, but it creates a more enhanced experience of the orgasm- similar to with men, too. They can have orgasms with ejaculation and without. So ejaculating definitely enhances an orgasm.
Orgasm is any kind of release or climactic experience within the body. I find that the more I open up the realms of possibility of what orgasm is, the more we can be orgasmic. So you could have an ear-gasm, you could have a neck-gasm, and you could have a nipple-gasm. And that would be any kind of heightened sensation in the body, where you even just feel like a [gasp], like a rush in your body- that could be an orgasm. So actually, female ejaculation can be an orgasm within those terms, but I don’t want to confuse people with that, as that experience unto itself is an orgasm, if that makes sense.
TALLULAH: So I find that the more we expand what an orgasm is- as any kind of climactic or energetic rush or heightened sensation in the body, it could last half-a second, it could last several minutes, even an hour. So orgasm is something that the more we expand the less we feel that, ‘Oh, I’m not orgasmic,’ or ‘Oh, I’m not adequate in this way.’ We can really expand that, because that’s what orgasm is- it’s everyone’s experiencing different types of orgasm.
And there are main…there’s a certain…you know the orgasms, there’s the clitoral orgasm, there’s the G-spot orgasm, there’s the blended G-spot and clitoral orgasm that you can have. And you can have a cervical orgasm, which is deeper within the body. You can also have a full-body, energetic orgasm. Those are the main orgasms that I talk about when I’m talking about orgasms with women.
ALISSA: Wow, this is pretty incredible. I didn’t really realize there was a delineation, so much, as to what orgasm is, and then this distinction called female ejaculation. We’re going to take a break and support our sponsors, and when we come back I want to talk more about female ejaculation and talk a little bit about your video, “Divine Nectar” because it’s such an incredible piece of education and beauty for women to understand what female ejaculation is. So this is Alissa Kritteman, your host of “Just for Women: Dating, Relationships and Sex.” We’re talking with Tallulah Sulis, erotic educator and beautiful goddess, and we will be right back.
ALISSA: Welcome back to “Just for Women: Dating, Relationships and Sex.” I’m your host, Alissa Kritteman. We are talking with Tallulah Sulis, who is an erotic educator and filmmaker. We’re going to talk a little bit more about female ejaculation and her movie “Divine Nectar.”
Before the break, we were talking about female anatomy, the difference between orgasm and female ejaculation. What do you tell women about… I mean it’s kind of new territory- I’ve never really heard about this before. So how do you get women to really open up to this new amazing release and letting go of control in their body?
TALLULAH: Female ejaculation is one of those things that is just coming into consciousness right now. Not too long ago it was just determined that women had clitoris. It was determined not too long ago that women were orgasmic. It was not too long ago that women have a G-spot. Female ejaculation is yet another up and coming evolution of women’s sexuality. This is important information. This is information that whether you choose to explore this or not is totally up to you. But I think it’s important to inform women, and the way you inform them without putting pressure on them as yet this is just another thing you have to learn or feel inadequate about. My attitude is very much about having total compassion for yourself, and wherever you are at is totally perfect. We are all perfect in that we are all on our sexual journeys in our own unique way.
Female ejaculation can very much enhance your experience with your sexuality, and even just the exploration, just getting to know your G-spot, exploring your body, getting out that hand mirror, watching a video about it, getting informed and getting excited about the possibilities of our bodies. The most amazing thing that I’ve discovered is that the possibilities of our bodies are absolutely infinite. So this is just one more thing that we can get informed about, get inspired about, explore and use this as a way to be very empowered and excited about our journey that we’re on.
ALISSA: What are some of the benefits of tapping into ourselves as orgasmic beings?
TALLULAH: The benefits are incredible. The benefits are getting to know yourself in a deeper way, understanding your energy, understanding your emotional energy, understanding what your boundaries are, understanding what needs to move and express itself. As women, a lot of times I feel like we are under-expressed and we suppress our sexual energy, and sexual energy is simply life-force energy. So we are suppressing our life-force energy, or we’re not in touch with it, or we’re not releasing it. A lot of times that energy becomes anger, that can become anxiety or frustration. It can channel itself and become other things. So a lot of times working with moving this energy through our bodies, it’s really important for our health and our well-being to be clear, as clear as we can. Really exploring our sexual energy from this place is very powerful. It’s a way to feel very empowered about who we are on a day to day basis, being in touch with our physical body, our emotional energy and our sexual life-force energy.
ALISSA: You know, you bring up a good point, because when I think of relaxing or getting more in my body, I’ll think about exercising, yoga, meditation, but masturbation or having sex sometimes might be one of the things that falls off. So what do you suggest to women as ways that they can tap more into their sexuality?
TALLULAH: I definitely recommend exploration. And really just setting aside a time or a date where you have a really good book about sexuality that you’re excited to explore, or a really good video, too. And maybe as you’re watching this video, it could be an educational video. Like my video “Divine Nectar” is educational, but it’s erotic, too. Noticing your body’s reaction as you’re watching these things. Noticing what’s turning you on or turning you off, making you have an emotional charge with what you’re seeing, and really getting in touch with your own body’s reaction and having some self-exploration. Really just getting out that hand mirror, and really getting into a place with yourself, it’s sort of like a meditation with yourself, too. Really the mirror is a great… it’s almost like a cliché,: ‘get out the hand mirror, ladies!’ But really, the reflective energy of the mirror and the way we see ourselves, and what you see when you look into that mirror changes all the time. That’s really just a symbol of how we see ourselves, and what’s reflecting back to us: Do we feel like we look ugly, do we feel like we are just, ‘wow! That’s super hot- I’m turning myself on!’ That’s all a reflection of our process of what or where we’re at. And even if we do feel, like we look in the mirror and we’re not happy with what we see that’s okay, too. Having total compassion for where we’re at is really important, too, and not getting down on ourselves. Like ‘I should feel this way, I should look this way, I should need this.’ It’s really about self-acceptance when it really comes down to it, and that’s hot. [laughs]
ALISSA: I love what you’re saying, because it really takes a woman who loves herself to tap into her sexuality and make that a priority. And I also love what you said about how sexual repression can lead to anger. I think I’ve definitely had times in my life when I’ve been running around too buy, too angry and not tapped into my sexuality, so I like the links that you’re making. It’s really this awareness about loving ourselves and really honoring ourselves in that way.
TALLULAH: If we don’t get that self-nurturing, whether it’s from ourselves, most importantly, or from a partner, then it’s kind of like a flower- we start to sort of wilt sometimes, like if we’re not doing that self-care process. Whether it’s pampering, getting a manicure or pedicure, soaking in the bath, even those little things, even though they’re not necessarily overtly sexual things, it’s all part of our sex life, it’s all part of our sensuality. And sensuality and sexuality are so interlinked, that the way we can be sensual, have a sensual experience on a day to day basis, noticing the way our ass feels in a really good pair of jeans, or noticing our hips are moving when we walk or the way that we bend down and pick up something. I mean those are little details, but those are the things that make us feel really good. And when we on a day to day basis are in touch with this nurturing self love and energy and our sexiness and our inherent juiciness, and we see ourselves as juicy, and we have that feeling that we can tap into instantly, or that we know that it’s time for me to self-nurture- I’m feeling drained, I’m feeling dry, I’m feeling like “ah”. How can we pump ourselves up and get to that really juicy place? Because it all about being a zesty, having that zest for life, essentially, because that is the life force energy that we carry. It’s powerful. So really noticing being in touch with ourselves and noticing when we need to nurture and nourish ourselves.
ALISSA: I love that. Let’s talk about your movie, “Divine Nectar”, of which you are the mastermind, producer, director. I know when I saw it, it was very confronting because I didn’t know my body could do what I saw these women doing in the video. So what…it’s very bold, it’s very brave, it’s totally cutting-edge, which is why I wanted to talk to you today.
TALLULAH: One of the things that make female ejaculation, too, that I try to explore in my video, is the emotional energy behind the release, too. Because it could be like…well, the G-spot is a very emotional center for women, so exploring the G-spot can be a very emotional process because we hold a lot of emotional energy in our G-spot. So through learning about female ejaculation, we’re also learning about our emotional energy and even relieving certain emotional blockages that we’ve had, maybe even from a bad gynecological exam or something. We hold all this in our bodies, too, and the G-spot can hold a lot of that energy. So really working with female ejaculation is a way to work through our emotional blockages, and to be on our healing path as well as on a very hot and juicy path. So with this video, I try to mystify women’s sexuality and the divine feminine. How can we explore her beauty and her essence and her mystery- the mystery of being a sexual woman in the world. What does that look like? And how do you de-mystify it? What are the actual techniques that you can learn to how to ejaculate? Where is your G-spot? How do you find it? What is this fluid? I thought it was pee.
We have so much circulating about what female ejaculation is, so it’s really important for me to make a video that really stakes a claim that says, female ejaculation exists- it is real and this is how you can do it and enjoy and savor the beauty and the mystery of women’s sexuality and how powerful and what a full-spectrum experience it is. You see women all around the bay- area. This is very much a bay-area production, so these are real women from the bay- area who are having this experience of female ejaculation, with and without partners, with toys, there are close-ups so you can see exactly where it’s coming from, what’s going on. And then there’s a lot of artwork and visionary art, and really great music that really bring you on this journey. You’re going on this journey into the diving feminine to learn about this experience of female ejaculation.
ALISSA: I think it’s important too, one aspect of the movie was a scene, where, like you said there’s so much emotional build-up in our clitoris, our sexual organs, so that when they are released, sometimes the tears, and the physical sensations in the body happen. Talk a little bit about that because I think it’s really powerful, and I think that maybe one of the hindrances of women to even go to these places is the fear of being out of control in that way.
TALLULAH: In the video there is a woman who what I call is having a cry-gasm, as she’s releasing the ejaculate, she’s also crying. And the first inclination, especially with a partner, is to try to stop her and she had tried to stop her own emotional process from happening. So there is the fear that sometimes comes up like uh-oh, I’m releasing too much, or I’m opening up a can of worms and I don’t know how to have this experience or to hold it or contain it. Women learning how to surrender to their sexuality is huge. It’s not something you can learn overnight. It’s something we’ve been kind of programmed to stop and hold our breath and contract around our emotional releases, especially during sex. It’s like, we’re in this hot moment and why do I feel like I need to cry right now? And a lot of times when we’re with a partner, we’re very scared about that reaction because either they try to stop us or fix us, or ‘oh, my god, something’s wrong.’ We’ve been made to feel bad about emoting, or ‘that’s not appropriate.’ In this video I’m trying to give permission to women. Yes, it’s appropriate, it’s acceptable, and give yourself that permission and have compassion for yourself. And look, there’s other women having this experience. You’re not alone in feeling an emotional response with your sexuality. So the more that I feel like women can see other women have this kind of experience, and the more that they can tap into that part of themselves that’s always wanted to come out and express itself- that inner goddess. She looks like many different things- she can be wild and angry, she can be sultry and seductive, she can be like a scared child- that’s all inclusive in a sexual experience for women, and the more they have permission to experience that full spectrum of emotions, the more they can actually experience that pleasure and ecstasy in their bodies and be more of a whole being- find that wholeness and integration within themselves.
ALISSA: Beautifully said, beautifully said! As we wrap up here- I could talk to you all day about this- it’s pretty amazing. Where do we find you? Where do we find this video? I can see this being a perfect gift for the holidays. I can see women around America starting to tap into their female ejaculation possibilities. So how do we find you?
TALLULAH: You can find me on the Internet if you go to www.divinenectarthemovie.com. And just to spell “Divine Nectar,” it’s d-i-v-i-n-e, and nectar’s spelled n-e-c-t-a-r. So it’s www.divinenectarthemovie.com. And that’s also a link to my personal website as well. You can purchase the video online and you can also see a trailer of the video as well.
ALISSA: Awesome. And what about you? Do you do, what kind of coaching, are you a coach? Talk a little bit about that.
TALLULAH: Yes, I do private sessions, and I also teach workshops around the bay area, and around the country, and I’m also on tour to promote the video around Hawaii, L.A., and New York- with the erotic revolution, or what we call ourselves, the Tantric Circus tour, that we’re promoting right now. So I’m involved with all sorts of things, down to doing just one-on-one coaching and sessions with men and women and couples as well.
ALISSA: Tallulah, thank you so much. Thank you for being on “Just for Women” and for being a pioneer in an area that we all know has been sort of repressed, and shoved under the carpet, don’t look. Thank you for being a woman who is just ripping the covers off and saying, ‘No!’ This is a huge part of our empowerment as women. Thank you for being bold enough to go there.
TALLULAH: Thank you so much Alissa, and just wishing lots of love and blessings and compassion and permission and self-acceptance to women around the world. May you have a wonderful, juicy, incredible sex life. You do deserve it.
ALISSA: This is Alissa Kritteman signing off on “Just for Women: Dating, Relationships, and Sex-” always here to empower you. And we’ll see you next time.