Episode 72: Garrison Cohen, CoFounder of AMP Media: Into the Minds of Men

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Have you ever wanted a guy friend with whom you could ask any question about men? You know, to get the REAL inside scoop on what is happening IN the minds of men? Well, this week I interview one of the men in MY life whom I turn to when I have questions, concerns and issues with men that I just DO NOT understand.

Meet Garrison Cohen, Co-Founder of The Authentic Man Program Media. Garrison has been studying man/woman dynamics for quite a while and has a vested interest in sharing with people how to have thriving relationships. What I love about this episode is Garrison's ability to convey what is going on with who men REALLY and what they REALLY want in a way that is easy for us to visualize and understand.

Tune in to hear about how to open a man and have him express his emotions (what?!), why a woman's radiance is like Oxygen to men, how to set boundaries with appreciation, and how to "speak the moment."

One of the great pieces Garrison offered is that when women are in transition in their lives (to a better job, making more money, getting fit, etc.) he would rather see the action than hear a lot about it. "Show me" he tells us. I loved that because that idea can be applied anywhere in our lives - and the message is clear - ladies - take the reigns, it is much more empowering for all of us!

Transcript

Woman 1:  This program is brought to you by personallifemedia.com.  This program is intended for mature audiences only.

[Intro music]

Alissa Kriteman:  Welcome to Just For Women:  Dating, Relationships and Sex, I’m your host, Alissa Kriteman.  This show is dedicated to providing today’s modern women with useful information they need to make empowered, conscience choices.

This is the final week of talking to all male experts about what we must know about dating, relationships and sex.  Today we’re going to talk to a man who’s like your big brother.  He’s the guy that you want to ask all your male questions to, and he’s my good friend, Garrison Cohen.  Garrison, welcome to Just For Women.

Garrison Cohen:  Hey Lisa, thanks for having me. 

Alissa Kriteman:  I’m so glad Garrison’s on the show because literally, our friendship has been a lot of me calling Garrison up and saying; “Okay, this happened.  What is this?  What does this mean?  Why is he saying this?  Why is he doing this?” and vise versa.  Yeah?

Garrison Cohen:  Yeah, there’s definitely been a lot of cross-talk, it’s been fun. 

Alissa Kriteman:  I appreciate that you’re here today and that you’re going to give us this information, the skinny.  I was thinking if women don’t have a big brother or don’t have a man in their life that they can ask these questions to, who would they go to?  So here you are.  Thanks for being that for us. 

Today I want to talk about dating, in particular… I guess I should tell people who you are before we launch into what we’re going to do so they… [laughter] so there’s more depth than you’re just my friend, which, thank you all for trusting me.

Let me tell you about Garrison.  He has a B.A. from the Rochester Institute of Technology; sounds cold and he’s an award-winning film maker, with over 24 national and international honors.  He’s a published poet and cofounder of the Authentic Man Program Media.

Garrison, I know my audience is really interested in what is going on in the minds of men, so thanks so much for being here.

Garrison Cohen:  Thanks for having me.  First of all, how did I get into what it is I do now?  I started off as a film maker and my intention was always, to tell stories that would have people leave a theater or finish watching a DVD and say to themselves in some way; “Wow, I never thought about it like that before.”

 

That was my intention of telling stories through film for a long time and then there was this natural progression that happened for me.  I started to realize how much more fulfilling it could be to tell the story of the way it really is.  Or at least my perspective and what I’ve learned through my life, because I’ve found myself being naturally drawn to, “what does it mean to live authentically?”  What does it mean to have totally, completely authentic relationships?

To be able to share that with people, in ways that have them start to say, “Oh wow, I had no idea that was actually possible in my relationship with this woman, in my relationship with myself, or my relationship with my family or the people around me, the world or my entire life.” 

So, it’s been a really rewarding path of discovering and being able to share, “Here’s how we can live in a way that is so much richer and more fulfilling and exciting.”  I’m glad to share with you, a little bit about it.

Alissa Kriteman:  Awesome, so it sounds like authenticity is one of the keys.  How would you apply that to the dating scene?  I know we’ve heard before, that it’s really important to be truthful, not only when you’re on a date, but before the date. 

What do you really want?  Is this person really interesting to you or are you working out of some sort of neediness?  Do you have any deeper cuts there on being authentic in dating?

Garrison Cohen:  Yeah, one of the many focuses of my company is in teaching men what we call “speak the moment.” This certainly applies to any one, we just happen to work specifically with men, but this is true for women as well.

“Speak the moment,” is based around becoming present to what it is you are really experiencing right there.  Instead of talking about the weather, a movie you saw, a book you read or something going on in the news; you’re really speaking about what you are noticing, right there in the moment.

For me, this actually happened probably about three hours ago.  I was at lunch with a friend of mine, we were sitting there, and she has a boyfriend and I have a girlfriend and she and I are friends, but we hadn’t really hung out much before.  I noticed in the moment this spark of attraction between us and I found myself saying, “I’m kind of enjoying this little spark of attraction I feel with you.”

It was really nice, because she said, “Yeah, I feel that with you too!  It feels good.  It just feels good to be with you.”  To be able to acknowledge that, in a way where there’s no agenda, there’s nothing to get, there’s nothing anyone’s trying to make happen and especially honoring the relationships of the other people; it’s simply speaking what’s there and in the moment.  Our connection, our relationship as friends settled down into a new level.

Alissa Kriteman:  You know, it’s interesting because more often than not, people… you know we’ve heard this term, “the elephant head on the middle of the table,” the thing no one wants to talk about, but you’re actually talking about something quite different.

It’s almost the positive side of that; the connection that’s happening and acknowledging that instead of getting red faced or shy and embarrassed.  You’re really encouraging us to do this “speak the moment.”

Garrison Cohen:  Yes, as a matter of fact, what you just said Alissa, about the elephant head on the table that always is the most interesting thing to talk about. 

[laughter]

Alissa Kriteman:  Right it would make sense.  Like, who cares about your dress?  Why is that elephant head on the table… [laughter]

Garrison Cohen:  Totally, and I think most people have the perception they’re going to be wrong or bad, or create an awkward situation.  It will be that way if you relate to it as a bad or awkward thing.  In truth, it’s really celebrating, “Hey we’re human.  We’re having a human experience here.  Let’s enjoy being human together, and everything that comes with that.”

Alissa Kriteman:  Yeah, I really like that too because I was thinking in the suppression of it, there’s no shame in what you said.  We’re human beings, we’re going to have attractions to other people, but we don’t necessarily have to do anything about them.  It doesn’t have to threaten us or threaten our relationship.  It’s like a really healthy approach to having attraction. 

Garrison Cohen:  Absolutely.  I know for women there’s an extra element of when they acknowledge what they’re feeling, there can be a guy assuming she’s attracted to him.  There are boundaries as well, where a woman has to manage her boundaries. 

Alissa Kriteman:  I think this is really good.  So how would a woman be forthright as you’re encouraging us to be, without leading a man on?  I guess it would really come from, where we’re coming from.

Garrison Cohen:  Yeah, I mean, one of the most important things is for women to be able to acknowledge everything they’re experiencing and know their boundaries. 

Alissa Kriteman:  Ok, that’s the key piece.

Garrison Cohen:  That’s a huge piece.  I think in this world, the more clearly a woman can have her boundaries, the more freedom she can have to interact with the world.  It’s kind of like saying to the world, “I trust you, because I trust myself twice as much.” 

Alissa Kriteman:  Exactly and I think that is a big deal for women to work on.  It’s definitely something we talk a lot about on the show; communication, boundaries, knowing yourself and knowing where your lines are.  It’s a huge issue and you’re saying it’s a big empowering piece, that you actually have more freedom to be out there in the world when you know where your boundaries are.

That’s why I wanted to talk to you, because that’s the sort of piece where we can talk all day about; why it’s important to have boundaries, but you’re literally giving it back to us.  So say a little bit more about what it does for a man when he can feel a woman’s strong boundaries.

Garrison Cohen:  For me, it’s nothing but respect.  There’s a balance.  There are boundaries with appreciation.  So for example, when a woman says, “Hey, here’s the line and you rock,” “And this is the line, and you rock.”  Then it’s like, “Ok, I got it.  I respect where you’re coming from and I feel that you appreciate me, and because I feel appreciated as a man, I am more than willing to honor your boundaries of course.”

I think that’s the experience for most men.  I’m a little bit more aware of it, because it has to do with my whole business and what I do, but for most men without even knowing what the experience of that is, they just have the sudden, “Ok, got it.”

Alissa Kriteman:  What would a boundary without appreciation feel like it? 

Garrison Cohen:  Crap.  [laughter]  Like a boundary without appreciation…

Alissa Kriteman:  What does it sound like and what does it feel like?

Garrison Cohen:  For a boundary without appreciation from a woman, would probably be like, “Don’t do that!”  You know, talking about killing the moment.  A boundary with appreciation would be something like, “That’s about as far as I’m comfortable with, and I’m really enjoying you.” 

Alissa Kriteman:  Ok.  Wow.  Makes sense and I really appreciate this distinction, because I think that’s something I grapple with sometimes.  So if I grapple with it, I’m sure a lot of women grapple with it, but the way you’re saying it is very different. 

It’s a boundary.  It’s not just a communication.  It’s literally, “This is where I’m comfortable and anything beyond that is not and thank you for having this conversation with me.”  I mean, it’s the art of relating, it sounds like.

Garrison Cohen:  Yeah, men don’t relate well to feeling reprimanded.  I think a lot of times when women express their boundary they’re afraid it’s going to close the man down because they’re sort of putting out something that’s negative.  It doesn’t have to be like that.  It can say, “I respect myself and I want you to respect that as well and I appreciate you.”  That’s huge for a man. 

Alissa Kriteman:  What happens to a man when there is that harsh tone or some energy coming at him?  Like, clearly the woman has a desire to have a boundary.  She has these desires so what happens when it comes off a bit harsh?

Garrison Cohen:  A man feels closed down.  His turn on, often really goes away. 

Alissa Kriteman:  So this would be good for dating.  I mean, I think for dating, we’re mostly on our best behavior, so this piece would probably come in after the honeymoon when we want something from our lover and we’re finding difficulty in expressing it.  I don’t know, I think it happens here in the everyday life in the store and you can hear that sort of tone.  I hear mothers reprimanding their kids like that on the train you know and my body closes down.  So I can only imagine.  That just shows and speaks of the power that women wield, in just their voice. 

Garrison Cohen:  Oh yeah.  I often think to myself, if I were to come back in my next life as a woman… It’s like I look at how much power women have in the world, and they don’t even realize it.  So I think to myself, “My God.  If I ever come back as a woman and I know how much power I have, that’s going to be a fun life.” 

Alissa Kriteman:  Yeah, maybe there’s a way we can actually take with us, everything we’re learning now into the next life.

Garrison Cohen:  I want to say one more thing about that.  Sometimes I look out there, at the world and I do see women who realize how much power they have.  Some women create a real train wreck, just a line of wreckage in their path because they realize how much power they have.  Other women use that power they have and just create beauty, and that’s definitely the kind of woman I’m drawn to. 

Alissa Kriteman:  Yeah, but do you think women who are creating a train wreck, know that they’re creating train wrecks?

Garrison Cohen:  No.  No, they don’t.

Alissa Kriteman:  That’s why I have this show, to really bring consciousness to the areas where we have never been taught, molded, shaped, formed or informed on how to be this empowered woman in the world.  It’s been going on, but there’s a new flavor to it now.  The world is changing rapidly and women are more and more in their power.  I feel like we’re at the crest of this wave and we’re going to ride it for a long time in assuring this new ability women have to understand how to harness this power we have and you’re speaking right to it.

Garrison Cohen:  Personally I think it’s exciting…

Alissa Kriteman:  Yeah…

Garrison Cohen:  Seeing women coming into their power. 

Alissa Kriteman:  Yahoo!  Alright, we have to take a break.  Listeners we’ve got some fantastic discounts for you and so I’d love for you to listen to the ads coming up.  They’re created by my sponsors for my show and they help me bring great experts to you, like my friend, Garrison Cohen.  So, if you can support them, I’d really appreciate it.  This is Alissa Kriteman and I’m with Garrison Cohen and we’ll be right back to talk more about what is on the minds of men. 

[commercial break]

Alissa Kriteman:  We’re back, I’m Alissa Kriteman and we’re speaking today with Garrison Cohen, cofounder of Authentic Man Program Media.  We’ve been having a really awesome conversation about the importance of women knowing their boundaries and how to communicate boundaries with appreciation.  I really like the whole piece, so thank you for that.  I want to talk more, a little bit about, how… you say women are like tuning forks.  What do you mean by that?

Garrison Cohen:  Sure.  This is something that so few guys realize and it’s so critical for really healthy relationships, whether you’ve been married for years, whether you’re just meeting a woman or whether you’re dating.  Women by nature are incredibly sensitive; very highly attuned.

For example, a woman can be out at a bar, a party, an event or café and she can look across the room and say, “Ok, that guy over there, he just doesn’t feel quite right to me.  However, that guy over there?  That guy feels good.”  Now, what’s really the difference between the two guys?  To a man, sitting next to her, most men would be like, “How can you tell?  What are you talking about?”  A woman will say, “I don’t know, it’s just a feeling I have.”

What is really going on there are some very sophisticated things in term of human design.  One of the things about women is that…say a man is in the room and he’s feeling a lot of tension in his chest.  What will happen a lot of times, a woman will actually start to feel a tension in her chest.  So if you imagine two tuning forks, you have one tuning fork that’s vibrating and one tuning fork that’s still.  The tuning fork that’s still will start to pick up on the vibration of the tuning fork that’s vibrating and it will start to take on that vibration.

So for a woman, it’s an experience of “Why do I feel this way in this man’s presence?”  If a man is anxious or nervous, doubtful or feeling anxiety then the woman will actually begin to feel that in her body.  On the other side of it, if a man is feeling grounded, solid, balanced, calm and present and just enjoying himself a woman will start to feel that as well.  There’s a whole spectrum of the degree to which women are that sensitive, but overall all women have this ability.

Garrison Cohen:  When men can start to understand and experience what that is through a woman’s eyes, they can really learn a lot about themselves and start to see those places in them where they really close down.

Alissa Kriteman:  Alright, so I could see in a scenario a man walking in feeling tension, the woman starts to feel it and it kind of gets back to what you said before about “speak the moment.”  She could check in with him and talk about that.  Then another question I have is why we are so much more highly attuned… I mean it makes sense that women would be more attuned, but how can we utilize that in our life and in our relationship?

Garrison Cohen:  Sure.  First of all, when you look at it from a biological perspective as far as human history, you know men being the stronger of the species, that’s their protection in the world.  Women, being less physically strong than men they have their own protection, which is that they can sense the desires and intentions of men, and have what they refer to as their radar or their antennae out, and know, “this just doesn’t feel right.”

Alissa Kriteman:  That makes sense.  Thanks for saying that whereas the man has the muscles and the brute force; the women have the sensitivity to sense what’s going on.  So we don’t necessarily need that brute force, we’ll get out of the way before anything comes near.

Garrison Cohen:  Yeah, think about it like a deer in a field.  You know, you can see a deer in the field and before you’re even seven steps towards that deer, it’s going to cock its head and adjust its little ear things and be gone.  It’s not, in my sense, it’s not all that much unlike that.

Alissa Kriteman:  Right, right.  Bambi, get out of the way… [laughter] Godzilla’s coming.  Ok, I want to ask you a question.  Often times I get questions, “I’m not attracting the right guy, I don’t know, what it is?”  What do you have to say to women who have that problem or complaint that they’re not attracting the kind of guy that they want?

Garrison Cohen:  That’s a great question, and here’s what I’d say, and for you who are listening right now, whether you’re male or female, try this out for yourself.  Take a look at… if you were to look at a scale of one to ten, one being the lowest, ten being the highest; what do you notice in terms of the level of person you’re attracting into your life?  Are you attracting a four, a seven, a nine or a two?  What is it that you generally see that’s around this level?

Do you have that number?  Got that number?  Ok.  So now, take that number, hold on to it for a sec and now ask yourself this question.  What number would you give yourself and see how closely those two are related.  What happens often times, is that if someone sees themselves as a seven, they’ll often find themselves dating people who are sixes, sevens or eights.  It’s usually right around that area.  If you see yourself as a two, you may attract twos or threes. 
Garrison Cohen:  I find so often, that how we relate to ourselves is mirrored out in the world.  Now when it comes to women, one of the things that I recognize over and over again is that regardless of how a woman looks, when she is really connected to herself, her femininity, her radiance and her sexuality; she’s just really connected to who she is, I find myself attracted to her.  For me, and I think this is really true for most men, while most men will start by being visually attracted to a woman, it’s really the way a woman’s essence comes through her, that makes her attractive.  I can think of women I know, who aren’t the most physically attractive, but the way their essence comes through them, makes them beautiful. 

Alissa Kriteman:  What do you mean by essence?

Garrison Cohen:  What I mean by essence is their femininity, their sensuality, their clarity about who they are and what they want.  The way they choose to have fun in the world and to interact with people, their sense of joy; when those things really come through, it just makes a woman really attractive to me.

Alissa Kriteman:  It’s kind of like the flip side too, you know, the supermodels that act like bitches and don’t really give the time of day to people.  It’s like, they’re great to look at but do you really want to snuggle up and open your heart to that kind of behavior, which can be frustrating.  I have a question about what you were saying before about the rating.  How do you rate yourself and how do you rate who you’re attracting; what if you think you’re a ten who is attracting a five?

Garrison Cohen:  That’s a good question.  My question would be then, do you think you’re a ten, or do you feel you’re a ten, because there’s a difference.  If I think I’m a ten, then I may act like a ten, see it’s like…ok...[laughter]  I could think I’m a ten, but the real question is do I feel like a ten. 

Alissa Kriteman:  Hmm.  So it’s the whole mind-body connection.  Are you actually exhibiting the behaviors of a ten or do you think you’re a ten acting… I don’t know it’s a good inquiry. 

Garrison Cohen:  Yeah, it is and it’s a good question to ask, “What does a ten feel like?” and really, really think about that.  Some people would say, “A ten feels like someone who is really self-consumed and wants all kinds of material things.”  Or, does a ten mean someone who feels really comfortable with themselves; someone who feels really comfortable, free and connected with other people?  Is a ten absolutely relaxed and joyful even though they may have their problems, issues and breakdowns at times?  Do they move through those?  Do they see themselves and forgive themselves for just being human?  When I think of a ten, that’s what I think of.  I think of a real ten as someone that’s really beautiful from the inside, out.

 

 

Alissa Kriteman:  It’s so funny too, because what you’re pointing too is so subjective, because who knows?  It’s like your ten might be totally different from my ten.  Yes, there are people who think they are tens, but do they feel… even that is an arbitrary number.  It brings up a good point about what you think about things and how you feel about things.

Garrison Cohen:  Here’s what I would say about that.  Think about what a ten is for you.  So if you’re a male, think about what a female ten is for you.  If you’re a female, think of what a male ten is for you.  Then look at that person and look at their life.  Now the question is where do you feel you are at?  What does it mean for you to feel they are your perfect and reciprocal counterpart?  That really may mean raising the bar in your own life.  If you want to be in a relationship with someone who’s a ten, then that means you need to raise the bar for yourself in your own life to feel like a ten. That’s how like attracts like.

Alissa Kriteman:  Otherwise you’d be sort of needy and looking for the relationship to fill a void. 

Garrison Cohen:  Yeah, which never really works, because you’re coming from scarcity, and scarcity only attracts scarcity. 

Alissa Kriteman:  Is it attractive to a man if a woman is honest that she’s raising the bar?  Like maybe she wants to have a particular expression in her sexuality or a particular level of financial abundance, but she’s not there yet.  She’s on her way.  Is that attractive to men or do they not want to know that?

Garrison Cohen:  Can you say your question again, maybe a little clearer?  Here’s what I got from that. 

Alissa Kriteman:  No...[laughter]

Garrison Cohen:  Then I’ll answer it from what I got.  No, I don’t think it’s attractive.  I come from the school, of “don’t tell me, show me.” 

Alissa Kriteman:  Oh, ok, that’s good.

Garrison Cohen:  Yeah.  So I would say if that’s what you want, then show me that you really want it, and then maybe I’ll meet you.

 

 

 

 

Alissa Kriteman:  Nice.  Touché, touché, touché, we’re going to take another quick break.  I’m Alissa Kriteman talking with Garrison Cohen about, wow; sensing, protection, how men are so vastly different than women and really looking at these deeper cuts on what we think and how we feel and how that’s all getting expressed in the world and what impact that has on our ability to do well with the opposite sex.

When we come back, we’re going to talk about sex.  So we’re going to take a short break to support our sponsors, again these are my sponsors kicking down some great deals for you.  So if you can support them I’d really appreciate it, they do support me; and listeners feel free to send me an email at [email protected], or you can leave me a phone message at (206)350-5333.  Love your feedback.  Any questions or comments you have about the show.  This is Alissa Kriteman with Garrison Cohen and we’ll be right back to talk more about what is in the minds of men.

[commercial break]

Alissa Kriteman:  We’re back, I’m Alissa Kriteman and we’re talking with Garrison Cohen about women and their essence and the difference between men and women and really tapping into how you’re feeling.  I think the goal of the last piece was to “show me the money,” right?  Stop talking about who you are and what you want; demonstrate it.  I really like that.  Ok, so you ready Garrison?  We’re going to pick your mind about our favorite subject.  I don’t know why I always leave sex for last, I feel as though we have to warm people up.  What do you think about that?  Maybe it’s just a woman thing, like I need to be warmed up before we start talking about sex.

Garrison Cohen:  Yeah, I guess this has been the foreplay so far. 

Alissa Kriteman:  I have a question about, how would a woman go about communicating a desire that she has in a way that’s inviting to men in your perspective.

Garrison Cohen:  Here’s one of the big things about men I think most women don’t really realize.  For most men, when they’re at the end of their life, on their death bed taking one of their final breaths, one of the last thoughts that’s going to be on a man’s mind, is going to be simply; “Did I do a good job?”  That’s what men want.  Men want to do a good job, especially when it comes to pleasing women.  A lot of men feel an anxiety around, “Am I doing a good job?”

So, when it comes to a woman expressing what she wants, it’s really important to acknowledge the man and to have him feel like he’s doing a good job.  So you can say, “You know what I would love right now, would be ‘blank.’”  Then when they do that, even if they’re not doing it quite right, just acknowledge them, like, “Oh thank you, that feels so good.”  Continue to acknowledge them and continue to guide them along in terms of them feeling like what they are doing, is bringing you pleasure.

 

 

Garrison Cohen:  What it comes down to for men is wanting to know, “Am I doing a good job?  Are you happy?  Are you feeling pleasure?”  The more pleasure you feel and experience… and you don’t even have to acknowledge the man per se.  You can just express it in your pleasure and that will have a man feel that he is doing a good job and want to give to you even more.

Alissa Kriteman:  How do women handle it if he’s not doing a good job?

Garrison Cohen:  If he’s not doing a good job, then one of the things a woman can say is, “Would you be open to me sharing with you some things that I like?”  First of all, just asking permission, “Would you be open?  Are you open to me sharing with you what would feel really good to me?” 

Alissa Kriteman:  Versus just going ahead and offering it?

Garrison Cohen:  Yeah versus just going ahead and offering it, or saying, “No! Not like that, like this!”  Or “That feels terrible!”  A thing like that not only kills the mood, but also kills the trust.  If you want a man to take care of you, then it’s important to take care of the man as well.  A lot of women see guys as big dumb oxes that don’t quite get it, but men are sensitive in ways that I don’t think women realize.

Alissa Kriteman:  Say more about that.

Garrison Cohen:  Let’s look at it this way.  Imagine for women, right under their skin, they have thousands of thin, teeny, hair-sized wires that run all through them under their skin.  These wires are kind of how their emotions run; they’re much closer to the surface and sensitive.  If you touch one, it triggers an emotional feeling they respond to, so women are much more highly emotional creatures.

Now when it comes to men, imagine all these thousands of tiny hair-sized wires all bundled together into one thick cord, and that thick cord runs down the center of who a man is.  Now it’s all the same emotions except they’re all bundled together and much deeper, much deeper and buried inside of him.  For a woman you just touch on the skin and she has access to her emotions, but for a man it’s a much deeper cord of emotions that are there.  So women often have the experience of men and think, “Wow, he’s not very emotional, he’s not very connected with his emotions,” and it’s a part of our design as men.  Our emotions run much deeper and we don’t access them as much but when we do, it’s a torrent.  It’s a raging river of emotions.

Now a lot of women don’t realize that men are deeply emotional, but getting to that thick cord of emotions, what that takes is for the woman to continually open the space for that man to feel safe to go through the layers to access those emotions.  Now any time a woman is making a man wrong, blaming, telling him he’s bad or he’s not doing it right, you’re just creating more layers between him and those emotions.  So go in the exact opposite direction. 

Garrison Cohen:  Create a safe space for that man, like you’re literally holding your heart in his hands and he can trust you, the more he’s going to open up layers, layers, layers, until that cord of emotions is actually exposed.  That’s part of the access to having a man and his emotional self come forth.

Alissa Kriteman:  Man that is amazing, I’ve never heard anybody explain it that way, and I’m kind of visual so I really liked visualizing what it would be like for a man to have all his emotions bundled inside.  What that shame and blame does to cover that up, and how to actually get access to a man’s heart, to the emotions we want to connect with.  That was beautiful, thank you, I really appreciate that.

Garrison Cohen:  You know, thanks for saying that.  I grew up in Boston and out in recess, in elementary school, where all the kids, you know… some kid even starts to cry and the other kids are, [thick Boston accent] “What are you, some kind of friggin’ wuss?” 

You know, and it’s like, ‘oh dam, ok.’  A guy learns pretty quickly, ‘ok, you don’t go there,’ emotions are something to be ashamed of and you’re going to be alienated, excommunicated or totally set apart from the other boys if you go there.  So a lot of guys have really learned to take that cord of emotions and put layers over layers of protection around it, because guys don’t want that cord of emotion exposed, because it is raw and it is powerful and it is deep.

For a woman who wants a man to have access to that, it is taking the time to have that man feel really safe and really taken care of.  Any time you’re going to come from that place of blame or pointing the finger or making him feel bad or wrong, you’re just putting more layers between him and having access to that.

Alissa Kriteman:  That is so wild, because normally we hear; the man needs to create the safety for the woman to open up, but you’re saying that men need that safety too and it makes so much sense.  It makes sense, because men do have emotions, they’re just harder to get to.  You’re laying out why and how it came to be and what we can do to remedy that.  I’m amazed.  I get really excited when I hear things in a new way that I can actually digest and utilize in my own life immediately, so thank you for that. 

Garrison Cohen:  Yeah, yeah it’s fun to talk about. 

Alissa Kriteman:  [sighs] We’re out of time, I felt like… I feel... there are all these questions I had about sex but you know what I really appreciate about this interview?  It’s that I feel as though we really got to the heart of what really matters.  There are sexual techniques and we could talk about size and stamina and all that stuff, but you know what?  What you just said about how to access a man’s emotions and why that’s important, and that men really want and need that, that to me was like what’s missing massively in relationships and how to navigate that with grace and love and elegance is such a big piece of gold.

Garrison Cohen:  Yeah, one thing I would say to that, and to wrap up our conversation, there’s a saying from some tribe in South Africa I believe and I believe it’s, “Na’hani wash’ti” [sp] and it means “The god in me, bows to the goddess in you.”  I think in the same way, when a woman relates to herself as a goddess, it brings forth a god in the man.  Just as when a man relates to himself as a god, he brings forth the goddess in a woman, and I think that’s a really great place to relate to each other from. 

Alissa Kriteman:  I agree.  Well Garrison, thank you so much for being with us today and shedding such bright light on what we need to know about dating, relationships and sex in such a real genuine, from your own experience, from your own life way.  So Garrison, if my listeners want to learn more about what we’ve been talking about today, where would they go?

Garrison Cohen:  Great.  Well, one of the things I’ve recently put together on my web site is a one hour video that goes really into depth about what it is that we teach men, about how to create extraordinary relationships with women.  Pretty much everything we talked about in this interview is something that has its source in what we do.  What you’ll see is it’s a one hour video where it shows you exactly what we’re teaching men.  It’s mixed in with interviews of women who are watching the video as well so you can see how women are relating to what it is that we’re teaching men.  As a matter of fact, you’re in it.

Alissa Kriteman:  I totally forgot about that, it’s so funny because we filmed that, like a year ago.

Garrison Cohen:  It felt like a year, it’s been a few months. 

Alissa Kriteman:  That’s right, well; I need a copy of that. 

Garrison Cohen:  I’ll get you a copy. So, it’s great for women because when you watch this video it’s going to give you real insight into what you can share with men to help them come up to the next level.  So women you’ll enjoy it, because this is stuff you can actually teach men. 

If you’ve got men in your life… there are men listening to this as well… definitely check it out.  Like I said, if you’ve got men in your life, definitely forward this to them, because this will make an amazing difference in not just their relationships with women, and other people, but also their relationship with themselves, which comes back to relationships with women; because any man who has a great relationship with himself it’s going to make a big difference in his relationships with women as well.

You can check this out by going to our website;  authenticmanprogram.com/justforwomen, it will also offer you a free eBook, then it will take you right to the video and I think you’ll enjoy it, so please check it out; authenticmanprogram.com/justforwomen

Alissa Kriteman:  Awesome.  I love it.  I really do hope listeners that you do check this out.  The work that Authentic Man Program is doing is truly transformational; not only in the lives of men but the women they love and want to connect with.  So check it out, let the men in your life know that this is available and send them off to authenticmanprogram.com/justforwomen.

Well that brings us to the end of our show, listeners, I’m so glad you were with us today to talk to our man in the know, Garrison, so thank you for listening.  For text and transcripts of this show and other shows on the Personal Life Media Network, just visit our website, personallifemedia.com and for a copy of my book, “Alissa’s Four Cornerstones to Living Your Dreams,” just go to my website sacredspot.org and click on the book cover icon.  I’m your host Alissa Kriteman always expanding your choices here on Just For Women, join us next week for more juicy news you can use. 

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