Episode 7: “The REAL Source of a Woman’s Power - Her Pussy” with Sex Experts Dr. Danielle Harel and Celeste Hirschman, MA

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Professional Sex and Intimacy Coaches Dr. Danielle Harel and Celeste Hirschman share with host Alissa Kriteman, the magical world that is available when women tap into and allow their deepest desires to be expressed. As Certified Sexological Bodyworkers, Celeste and Danielle are able to give us straight talk about the importance of feeling into our bodies and pussy for information and guidance instead of our minds. In this in-depth and enlivening episode, Alissa discusses with Celeste and Danielle what Sex and Intimacy Coaching is, how it works and how all women can benefit from the very different and powerful approach to healing they offer. A body and breath based therapy, Celeste and Danielle discuss the massive healing and wisdom that can come from a few sessions in this non-traditional (and increasingly popular) bodywork that serves to help release past issues, freeing women to pursue their heart’s desires and dreams. SHIT YEAH! Highly trained academics as well as deeply intuitive bodyworkers, Celeste and Danielle teach women the power of Erotic Embodiment ~ learning to harness erotic (sexual) energy for true self-awareness and empowerment. We also discuss how to Attract your Ideal Partner with Erotic Energy which is a far cry from how most of us were taught to attract a man. THIS is about women knowing and loving themselves and having healthy boundaries to attract a lover or partner versus unconscious, unhealthy patterns running the show. The last segment is about Orgasm. Celeste and Danielle give us an in-depth overview of the kinds of orgasm we, as women, can have with special focus on the G-spot orgasm. This segment captures the importance of having a solid and loving partner who will be able to hold space for the terrific releases that can accompany this kind of deep orgasm. Celeste and Danielle offer courses for women and men, singles and couples, same sex couples and for parents (yey, up-to-date sex education we can really use)!

Transcript

“The REAL Source of a Woman’s Power” with Sex Experts Celeste and Danielle

Announcer:  This program is intended for mature audiences only.

[Music]

Alissa Kriteman:  Welcome to Just For Women – Dating, Relationships and Sex.  I'm your host Alissa Kriteman.

Today on our show we have Celeste Hirschman and Danielle Harel.  Celeste and Danielle are professional sex and intimacy coaches who offer a wide variety of workshops and intensives for people interested in expanding their pleasure, intimacy, sexual knowledge and joy of being alive.

In this show, we will discuss sex and intimacy coaching, embodiment, orgasm and female ejaculation.

Danielle Harel: Women who find that or reconnect with their erotic energy feel alive and glowing.  They become irresistible.  They magnetize people because if you see the sparkle in the erotic embodied women, you just have to look at her when she passes on the street, right?  So this is an amazing experience, being in your body.

Celeste Hirschman:  If women can get in touch with their erotic embodiment, which isn't, like I said, flinging their sexuality out in all different directions but really being powerful in their eroticism and in their adult womanhood, then people respect them more.

Alissa Kriteman:  Celeste and Danielle, you guys have a wealth of knowledge and information.  Tell me what sex and intimacy coaching is and how it is different from traditional therapy.

Danielle Harel:  Sex and intimacy coaching involves talk, breath, very powerful visualizations and bodywork.  It is very focused on meeting people where they are and allowing them to grow and supporting them in their growth towards where they want to go.  So we really do not impose any limits on people's growth and support them. 

If a woman tells me, “I want to really achieve vaginal orgasms and I really want to achieve it while I'm being penetrated.” I will work with her towards this goal.  I know it's not fashionable because women are supposed to have clitoral orgasms.  Who cares about men and penetration, but many women are getting very satisfied having orgasms while in penetration and it is good for both the partners.  So I am not going to impose any limits on where they want to go and what they want to achieve.

While sex therapy is very focused on the mind and conversation and very focused on solving specific problems, we really engage the body with the mind and create the flow and integration within the mind and the body.

Celeste Hirschman:  Yeah, I think we have coaches for every different part of our lives.  We have exercise coaches we have business coaches but what we put on the back burner all the time and what we don't pay enough attention to is our sex lives.  What happens is when our sex lives fall away or get boring or dull or monotonous, our lives feel boring and dull and monotonous.  We don't walk around with that glow like, “I just had the best sex of my life last night and I'm ready to do anything!  I can take on the world!” 

We want to help people put that glow back into their lives because it motivates you in every aspect of your life, in your business world, in your relationship, with your children.  If you feel fulfilled sexually with your partner or partners, you feel better about your life.  So that's where we work with people. 

Like Danielle said, we work with people exactly where they are, so whatever your goals are around sex or deepening intimacy or connection, expanding pleasure or solving some kind of issue, that's where we work.  So you don't have to have a problem to come and see us.  You can be just like, “I want to have a better sex life.  I want to feel amazing pleasure in my body.  I want to know what a full body orgasm is.  What is female ejaculation?”

We can teach you all of those things and teach you how you can experience them in your own life.

Alissa Kriteman:  OK, great.  So, in a typical session - this is amazing by the way, because I don't think that we as women think, “Oh!”  If there is an issue, we think, “I'm going to go and see a psychologist” or “I'm depressed so maybe I should take whatever people are taking for that alleviation”, but I don't think people make the connection, which is why I wanted to talk to you today about what you do and the kind of coaching that you do.  There is such a disconnect.

Danielle Harel:  People sometimes don't realize that they might be depressed because they don't have enough life energy or life force and expression of their life force, which is sex.  There are so many questionnaires about how many times people have sex but no one asks them about the quality of the sex.  Sex can be very different if you just have regular sex or if you have amazing, mind blowing, connected sex.  So we really want to help people get to their true desires and help them fulfill them.

Alissa Kriteman:  Excellent.  So what would a typical coaching session look like?

Celeste Hirschman:  So the first time somebody comes in, we want to talk to them about their thoughts, feelings, and experiences up until now about their sexuality and get a general picture of where they are, or where they've been and what they are thinking about in terms of their sexuality.  Then we want to help them figure out specific goals that they want to reach in their own sex lives.

Once we have an idea about that, we create an individualized plan to meet those goals.  Then we check back with them and make sure that the things that we are doing are really supporting them in their goals.  So we don't have an agenda about their sexuality.  People can experience Tantric sex.  They can experience BDSM.  They can experience vanilla sex.  They can experience whatever kind of sex they like the best.  And we want to help them achieve that.  So we don't have a goal.  We want to know what their goals are and really get down and work on them.

Alissa Kriteman:  It sounds like with the wealth of knowledge that you have and the backgrounds that you have, you can actually bring all of that to a session.  So maybe it's not so much in the mind, but it sounds like really you are working with the body more.  Can you talk more about how you actually work with a woman - and men - but let's focus on the woman and her body and how it is a little different than the mind stuff?

Danielle Harel:  Yeah.  I feel that I work a lot with my intuition.  And intuition is partially based on all this knowledge that we have.  You cannot have this intuition if you do not have the knowledge.  But it is really about tuning in to the person that I am with.  Sometimes I even feel in my body what they feel in their body.  I ask them, “What do you feel in your body?”  And many times it feels the same, like if they feel stuck in their throat or in their stomachs.  I cry with them.  I laugh with them.  I am always tuning in intuitively to what they need and coming up from there.

There is also strong emphasis on emotions because the emotions are an amazing part of us and we give lots of room to emotions and giving permission to people to really explore all the spectrum of emotions including the bad ones.

Alissa Kriteman:  Like what?

Danielle Harel:  We believe that there are no bad emotions.  The only bad emotions are the ones that we do not express.  So, emotions are good.  They are supposed to be there and they are actually essential for us to express ourselves.  If you do not express your emotions, you feel resentment and this is the beginning of decay in terms of happiness and the beginning of depression.

Celeste Hirschman:  The reason that we deal directly with the body is that so much can be held in the body.  There can be trauma held in the body.  There can be negative experiences.  There can be past relationships.  Sometimes you can talk about them forever and you can think, “Oh, I've got it all figured out!”  And then you actually go to the body and you realize that there are all of these blockages and holdings.  And that's blocking people from being able to experience orgasm or be able to experience touch as pleasurable, or being able to say yes to their desires. 

So we want to talk directly with people's bodies, not just their minds.  This is why we do bring bodywork into it.  You can read books forever about your body.  You can read books about how to have orgasm.  But until somebody sits down with you and shows you and teaches you and helps you in those things, you might not get anywhere.

Alissa Kriteman:  So for a woman who has maybe never had an orgasm or think she has never had an orgasm, or wants to be multi-orgasmic, you will actually work with them on that.  So how does that work?  Are they touching themselves?  Are you touching them?  I would think it takes a bit of - you know I can hear women hearing this and going, “Oh my God!  Someone might touch me?”  But yeah, this is what we are talking about, yeah?

Danielle Harel:  So, we always create a very safe process.  We never throw a woman on the floor and start touching her on the spot.

Celeste Hirschman:  Unless she asks us.

Danielle Harel: That's right.  It's really about consensual touch and creating safety.  Usually before doing any kind of bodywork, we will work with words and visualization and understanding what she really needs.  And what she needs in order to become orgasmic and what stops here.  There are lots of exercises that are not immediately focused on the clitoris.  They are about being sensual with yourself, about exploring your genitals.

So some of the things are about being directive and lying on the floor or on the table or on a bed and really exploring what it feels like when I touch myself.

Celeste Hirschman:  And some of our clients we use bodywork with and some of them we don't.  So it's totally based on their comfort level.  That's how some people learn.  And some people say, “OK, once you explain it to me and show me some things then I can go home and try it on my own.”  So again, we meet people exactly where they are.  If they feel comfortable with bodywork and they want to learn that way, that's great.  And if they don't, that's great too.

Like Danielle said, we really work your way up and build trust and create a safe, supportive environment where they can say exactly what they want or what they don't want.

Alissa Kriteman:  I like that.  I especially liked what you said about giving ourselves permission to have our emotions because I think mostly in society we are supposed to be nurturers and keep it all together.  And rage and upset and frustration seem to have not a lot of space.  You're saying if we are not letting that free flow of emotion happen, it's going to kink us up in many ways, especially in our sexuality.  And you really help unlock and unleash that for women.

Danielle Harel:  Yeah, in a very compassionate way too, because on top of this women, and men, usually build this judgment like, “Oh, so I feel these emotions.  That's not OK.”  So on top of it there is the judgment and so we really help people feel compassionate towards themselves.  It's not going to happen in one day.  Take the time.  Allow it to happen and really explore the spectrum.

Celeste Hirschman:  Yeah, I want to say something about anger.  People are so terrified of anger and I always tell people that anger is a gift of someone's true emotion.  If people stuff their anger and hold inside of their body, it turns into rage or resentment.  Rage and resentment are things that kill relationships.  They kill desire.  They kill pleasure.  They kill connection.  So if you are angry with your partner, you need to express it in the moment and your partner needs to be able to hear it so that you can work to the other side of it, which is where connection and intimacy lie.

So those emotions are extremely vulnerable and can be amazingly connecting if we don't get so afraid of them and if we express them when they are happening and don't build them up and make them these resentments.

Danielle Harel:  I also think about people who fight in order to have the after fight sex.  They have got it.  When they express their anger, they can go clean and connect themselves.  So if you do it in a very conscious way - these people usually do not do it consciously, they just act it out.  But if you do it consciously, you can actually create amazing experience for yourself by downloading those emotions and really allowing a place for connection to happen.

Alissa Kriteman:  I love that.  Anger is a tool.  Just knowing what to do with it and not suppressing anything, using it as a tool for better sexual experience. 

We're going to take a break for our sponsors.  This is Alissa Kriteman.  I'm your host of Just for Women - Dating Relationships and Sex.  I'm with Celeste and Danielle, sex and intimacy coaches.  We'll be right back.

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Alissa Kriteman:  We’re back.  I'm Alissa Kriteman, your host of Just for Women - Dating Relationships and Sex.  We are speaking today with Celeste and Danielle, sex and intimacy coaches about how we can live more passionate and real lives, accept our emotions as valid and actually turn that into a tool for conscious expansion of our deepest desire and sexual experience.

OK, so now we are going to talk about erotic embodiment.  This sounds like to me that what we are really talking about is erotic energy. Yeah?  So how do we embody this erotic energy and how can it benefit us?

Danielle Harel:  All of us have erotic energy.  But many women learn that they need to cut it off and it's not OK to enjoy this erotic energy.  So they cut themselves from their desires and do not really allow themselves to enjoy this energy.  Erotic energy is life energy.  What we help women with is to really get back and connect, reconnect with this erotic energy and feel it in their bodies.  So, bring this energy from the pelvis to their chest, to their mind and make this open channel between the mind and body.

Women who find that or reconnect with their erotic energy feel alive and glowing.  They become irresistible.  They magnetize people because if you see the sparkle in the erotic embodied women, you just have to look at her when she passes on the street, right?  So this is an amazing experience, being in your body.  It's like, “Whoa, I'm alive”.  It's a big yes to life.

Celeste Hirschman:  We talk a lot to women about their pussies and about listening to what their pussy has to say, because there is so much information there.  I think intuition comes from your pussy.  It says yes to things that are wonderful and pleasurable and desirous.  And it says no to things that are painful or boundary crossing or negative.  If we don't listen to it, if we cut ourselves off from it, then we don't have all that amazing information that keeps us enjoying life and keeps us safe from the things that are negative.

So erotic embodiment is really listening to what your pussy has to say, walking around from that place of connection with your pussy.  Like Danielle said, people are magnetized.  When a woman is fully in touch with her sexuality and embodying her eroticism, it's not just about sex.  It's not just that people want to have sex with you, although sometimes they do.  It's also that they want to know you better, that they want to hire you, that they want to be around you and just have some of that juice and energy. 

So it's not about just acting out around your sexuality and throwing it and making promises that you can't keep.  That's not what erotic embodiment is about.  Erotic embodiment is totally keeping that energy and power in your center and in your body and then allowing people to enjoy it within those boundaries, depending on what the relationship is.

So women often times think they have to shut their sexuality off completely at work for example.  That's one of the places that we feel very disempowered because of this I think.  If women can get in touch with their erotic embodiment, which isn't, like I said, flinging their sexuality out in all different directions but really being powerful in their eroticism and in their adult womanhood, then people respect them more.  It is a source of our power and if we cut it off or if we shut it off and we don't have that source would walk around in the world.

Alissa Kriteman:  Exactly.  This is funny; we actually have another show on the network where women write letters to their pussy.  It's another form of getting in touch, especially in the workplace, yeah.  There are women becoming very masculine and thinking all that linear structure, but you are saying - so what would be an exercise that we could do, especially if we are at work as so many women are, to tap into that deep source of energy?

Say we are sitting at our desk and we are overwhelmed and we want to cry.  It's like, “OK, I'm not supposed to cry at work” but you want to tap into that deep pool of erotic energy.  How do we do that on an ongoing basis or even at all?

Danielle Harel:  I think you are supposed to cry whenever you want to cry.

[Laughter]

Alissa Kriteman:  Ladies, you have license to cry.

Danielle Harel:  Even at work.  You might want to have your privacy.  You don't have to run the corridors and cry, but it's OK to cry.  It's good.  It's a release.  For many women it is a release because there are no other releases too.  Even though I have lots of other releases, I still cry.

So we teach women breath work.  And it really helps them connect again, their whole body, the mind, chest, belly, and pelvic floor and use this energy to feel themselves and to connect with themselves.  It is kind of breath work, visualization, meditation where you get into your body and feel the energy moving.  It might take people a little while to get there and really feel the energy moving but practice makes perfect.  You practice and you get to those places.

So I think the first step is permission to do it.  The second step is to learn some techniques to do it and then you are on your way.

Celeste Hirschman:  So in this society we define emotion or vulnerability as weakness sometimes.  I think it is actually the exact opposite.  I think when you are vulnerable with somebody else and you express your true emotion, that is the most powerful strength that you can show in the world.  If you're at work and you are sad and you are crying, if you feel like you are weak or you are stupid and it's not OK for you to do that, then you are going to come across that way.

But if you say, “Hey, this is my true emotion.  I am feeling this way” and there is some righteousness underneath this emotion and connecting that with the center of your body and breathing all the way down into your pelvic floor and saying, “This is self-righteous emotion and I need to own it.  I need to feel powerful in it.  And I need to express it in a way that it can be heard.” that is what tapping into your erotic embodiment can help you do.

 

Alissa Kriteman:  Interesting.  I was just thinking, so it's really a source of power.

Danielle Harel:  Mmmhmm.

Alissa Kriteman:  That’s what we are really talking about here.

Danielle Harel:  It’s a source of power.  It is a source of creativity and it is a source of knowledge.  As a Celeste said before, if you go there you can't miss your true self.  Your body tells you what you want and what you really feel.  It doesn't mean that you need to explode.  It is very much in your body.  It is in control.  When you listen to it, you can come out and share with other people what you feel.  And stay safe, because it is also about learning your boundaries and learning where you start and where you finish.  And it's about knowing that within your boundaries, everything is OK.

Alissa Kriteman:  Excellent.  I love that.  You know, I took a class years ago and we learned this exercise - I don't know if you do it - they called it ‘fipping’ and it was just feeling your pussy.  So if you were ever out of your mind or upset or whatever, bored, feel your pussy.  We would do the Kegels, right?  I'm sure that's a part of - and there were other exercises like that, but it's exactly what you were saying. 

It's like, “Oh, let me into that source of power, creativity.”  I don't think we think about this, that doing Kegels and feeling our power and tapping into and going beyond the tummy because sometimes I'm like, “OK, is my tummy-?”  But you're talking about pelvic floor, into your PC muscles and getting that energy going and what, running it?

Celeste Hirschman:  Yeah, running it through your whole body.  Making the connection and integration.  Sometimes that part of our body for example, well in massage even, you're not supposed to touch that part of your body at all, and it is understandable.  But, in a lot of ways, psychologically or psychically that piece of our body gets cut off from the rest of our body because we are not supposed to say yes to sex as women. 

From the moment that we are born we are being trained to be women.  Most women are trained in that they are supposed to hold on to their virginity, that they are supposed to shut their sexuality, that is a commodity, that people are going to try and steal it from you.  So we actually put a little triangle, I think, around our pussy and just divorce ourselves from it.  Like, if I just leave that aside, I can live my life without so many problems because that is just a mess.

When we do that, when we set aside and we don't integrate it into our body, then we lose all of that power.  That's the power that is the basis for our success I think, is really tapping into our erotic energy.

Alissa Kriteman:  Exactly.  I could get political here, but I won't.  I can feel myself getting - I feel all my sisters out there - and it's like yeah, we have to reclaim this part of ourselves and for a gigillion reasons it's been confusing and condemned and shut down.  But something is happening now.  Women are regaining their power.  They are going for what they want.  And you guys, ladies, are part of that.  So I really appreciate this conversation.

How can we, being more embodied in this erotic energy, feeling our pussies, running that energy, how can it help us attract our ideal partner?

Danielle Harel:  You don't even need to work hard because when you have it, you are glowing.  So, you have it, you magnetize people.  You magnetize people.  But you need to still be in touch with your body and with your erotic energy and with your pussy because you want to know whom you want to attract.  That's where the boundaries come in.

Some women in our workshop say, “Wow, but if I'm going to have all his energy” - they don't feel safe with this energy.  We tell them, when you own the energy, when you play with it, when you feel it is yours, then you know where to put the boundaries, when it is the time to say yes and when is it time to say no.  And no is important in the same way as yes is.

So finding my ideal partner is who is your ideal partner and starting to ask the question and then really going from there.

Alissa Kriteman:  Yeah, and also, who am I?  You know, so many times we think sex is with a partner versus masturbating more, knowing ourselves more, knowing what feels good to us.  That is such a big key to being powerful and knowing what your boundaries are as well, yeah?

Celeste Hirschman:  Yeah, and I want to say something else about erotic embodiment and objectification.  I feel like when I wasn't and didn't used to be in touch with my erotic power and my pussy, men would come up to me and say, “Oh, you're beautiful” or they would objectify me.  But now I get men coming up and saying, “You have this energy about you.  I can't even describe it.  But you seem so confident and assured.”

That confidence and that assurance is part of what keeps our boundaries so that men don't think that they can just take whatever they want.  They have to respect us and meet us as equals.  But they are totally magnetized by the energy.  So I think that's where the power lies.  I know in my own life it has changed my life and it has changed the way that people treat me and the way that people respect me.

Alissa Kriteman:  Yeah, I can see some support groups happening here because once we do tap into this enormous power, it would take practice.  Because if you weren't practicing boundaries and communication in your life, but when we start tapping in, it is a whole new world and it is a whole new responsibility even.

OK, great.

Danielle Harel:  I want to add that when you are in touch with your body, then you know the no’s.  Because your body tells you what is right and what is wrong and what is right to go to and what is not safe for you, so support groups are wonderful, but if we really go to our body, inside our body are all the answers that we need.

Alissa Kriteman:  Yeah, again it's that body knowledge which again gives your coaching so much depth because it isn't just the mind.  It is really trusting your body and trusting your intuition and knowing that whatever you are holding in your body is really your truth and tapping into the truth in this divine and powerful way.

All right, we are going to take one more break and when we come back we're going to talk about orgasm.  Yay.

This is Alissa Kriteman.  I am with Celeste and Danielle – amazing, amazing, amazing sex and intimacy coaches.  We'll be right back.

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Alissa Kriteman:  Welcome back to the show.  This is Alissa Kriteman.  I'm your host of Just for Women - Dating Relationships and Sex.  I'm here with Celeste and Danielle who are amazing sex and intimacy coaches.  Before the break, we were talking about erotic embodiment and how having that in our lives is really a source of power for us.

Now we are going to talk about orgasm, the different kinds of orgasms that we can have - clitoral, G-spot, dry G-spot, wet G-spot – oh my! [Laughs] Endless, endless.  Where should we start?

[Laughter]

Celeste Hirschman:  I guess we could start by talking about orgasm in general.  I think on the one hand, people put too much emphasis on orgasm, like that's the only reason to have sex.  We teach them that there is so much more to sex than just orgasm but also that orgasm is amazing and has so much potential for expansion.  And there are so many different kinds of orgasms.

So for example, most people know about clitoral orgasms and that you can have an orgasm from direct stimulation on your clitoris.  But less people are in touch with the power of their G-spot.  So you can have an orgasm that is just from your G-spot.  You can also have combination orgasms, which I think are absolutely phenomenal.  So you're getting both the stimulation on your G-spot and your clitoris and it's like a double explosion.  It's like the fuse and then the dynamite.

[Laughter]

Alissa Kriteman:  We like that.

Celeste Hirschman:  And then you can add to that an ejaculation, which is like an amazing release.  So you've got the fuse, the dynamite and the release and we have all of these different options in our bodies.  I think women have not had the opportunity to explore this very much.  So they don't know what's out there and what their potential is to have all these different kinds of orgasms.  And then there are full body orgasms on top of that.

Danielle Harel:  Yeah.  I also want to add to the mixture some anal orgasms and skin-gasms and heart-gasms, which are extremely, amazingly powerful.

Alissa Kriteman:  OK, deep breath everyone.  Let's go back.

[Laughter]

Alissa Kriteman:  Let’s start with clitoral.

[Laughter]

Alissa Kriteman:  I know, I want to go right for the female ejaculation.  But I think it's really important.

Danielle Harel:  I want to say something about it.  I think when you are in the process of discovering those orgasms it sometimes seems like you focus more of your energy on stimulating the G-spot, for example because you want to figure out what the G-spot orgasm is.  And then you totally focus and then it's like, “Whoa!  I felt it.  It feels so amazing.”  And you forget that the other orgasms are amazing too. 

So I really want to keep it flowing.  One orgasm is not better than the other.  All of them are so good and amazing.  They feel differently.  Some of them are riding on different nervous systems to our brain.  But they are all good.  So keep them coming.

Alissa Kriteman:  Not only variety, but just different, not necessarily better than.

Celeste Hirschman:  Yeah, so usually clitoral orgasms come from either stimulating yourself with your hand or using a vibrator or having your partner stimulate you with his hand, tongue or even during intercourse.  So a lot of women don't come during intercourse.  But even some of the women who do, don't come from vaginal sensation or from their G-spot, they come from their clitoris also.

So you can convert your clitoris during penetration, through deep, slow, circular penetration, that can hit your clitoris with the pelvic bone.  Those are the main ways that women come to clitoral orgasm.

Danielle Harel:  G-spot orgasms - so, the G-spot is in the upper part of our vagina towards our mons.  It's kind of a bumpy area that needs some work before it really can generate orgasm.  Women think that the minute they stick their finger in there they are going to feel something.  Most women do not feel anything until this area is massaged and warmed for a while for sometimes days, sometimes weeks, sometimes even more.

Creating sensation in the vagina is very important in order to enjoy vaginal sensations.  Afterwards women can, when this area is sensitized; there is a bulge that grows inside around in the area of the G-spot.  It can be simulated with fingers in a come hither motion.  It can be stimulated with the penis that does it very slowly.  It needs to be at a specific angle for the penis to reach the G-spot area.

It's also important to remember that the G-spot is not a spot.  It is an area.  For some women it's actually going beyond the G-spot that can derive the most pleasure, and not on the bumpy area, but just a little bit beyond it.

Alissa Kriteman:  Is that the A-spot?

Danielle Harel:  So, there are so many spots.  There is the A-spot; there is the O-spot, the M-spot –

[laughter]

Alissa Kriteman:  The alphabet.

Danielle Harel:  Yeah, you know let's just enjoy the sensation and not try to focus on where it is exactly.  So if you feel pleasure, just stick to this place and give it more stimulation.

What I found in my body was that at the beginning it was the G-spot, then it was just beyond the G-spot, and then it was just the cervix and it was just on the side.  The vagina can be sensitized and get lots of sensation everywhere.

Celeste Hirschman:  I think it also really changes different times of the month.  So at different times of the month you are more likely to ejaculate.  At different times of the month you're more likely to be able to reach a uterine orgasm, because your cervix is being stimulated by your partner’s cock, if you have sex with men, or the dildo if you don't.

Because our cervix moves up and down throughout the month, it can be hit more directly at different times of the month as well, so the inside of your vagina changes throughout your monthly cycle.  So those spots that are most sensitive to you can move around.  So I wouldn't just say, “Oh, I found my spot!” and just always go for that spot.  You have to actually see what is going on inside of my body today.

Alissa Kriteman:  Nice.  I didn't even think about that, you know.  And that's another kind of orgasm that I don't think women generally go for are cervical.  That's pretty deep.

Danielle Harel:  Yeah, for some women the cervix is deeper than the others.  Again on some days of the month it is lower than on others; usually around ovulation it is lower.  Yeah, many women enjoy cervical orgasms.  They feel really good.

Alissa Kriteman:  So, I've heard, in my vast experience [laughs] that the external clitoris and the G-spot are actually connected.  Is that what you say, that it kind of hooks inside and that that whole area has been basically designed for women for pleasure?

Danielle Harel:  So, the clitoris is there are 100% only for pleasure.  That is the only reason the clitoris is there.  It is a bundle of nerves that is there just for pleasure.  There is still lots of mystery around the physiology of the G-spot and the clitoris.  The clitoral legs extend towards our vaginal opening, a little bit deeper, and give us more sensation.  The clitoris is not just this bulge at the end of our pussy.  It actually goes deeper inside. 

The clitoris and the G-spot are actually sitting on different nervous systems but it's really hard to separate what is what.  Sometimes when you push on the G-spot, you actually move the clitoris too.  Especially when women get very excited you can almost feel the clitoris from the inside.

Celeste Hirschman:  Because you get very engorged with blood and everything gets pulled closer together, so if you are moving one part of your body, the other part is moving too.  So you can get clitoral stimulation even when you are working on the G-spot.

Alissa Kriteman:  In G-spot orgasm, it takes a while.  It is not necessarily a spot.  It’s an area.  I'm just recapping here.  So we need to just relax, take our time.  Feel around.  It's going to expand and engorge and some emotion might come up.  It might be really intense.  We can do this alone or with a partner.  I've seen the dildos that have the hook, which are very nice. [Laughs]

But I think it is important to know to be prepared that something might get released like anger.  What other types of things are women processing with G-spot orgasm?

Danielle Harel:  So, as we said, our bodies keep lots of information there, especially in the pelvic floor.  It can be trauma.  It can be joy. It can be pain.  It can be many things.  The process can start anywhere in the spectrum of emotions.  For some women, they start giggling and laughing.  Other women start crying.  Other women scream.  It's very changeable.  And even for the same woman it can be very different at different times of the exploration.

Celeste Hirschman:  Yeah, and I think it requires a lot of trust in your partner if you are doing with a partner.  They have to really be present for whatever emotions come up if you really want to work with the G-spot.  I think it's beautiful to have a partner's hand inside of your vagina and then be looking in their eyes or having them hold you in some way so that you can really connect with them on all levels. 

The G-spot is almost like a love spot where you feel a tremendous amount of emotion and connection and intimacy that can come from that part of your body.  So making any kind of a G-spot stimulation session with your partner is one of connection.  It doesn't necessarily lead to orgasm.  A lot of times you can have amazing experiences with your G-spot that aren't even about orgasm but are about awakening and opening and intimacy and emotion.

Alissa Kriteman:  I can see where this, just this practice alone, with couples, could actually help save relationships.  That you are actually that close and present with someone and dealing with such a storehouse of emotion and having that kind of communication with your partner.  How do you support couples in supporting each other or having the woman have this kind of orgasm?

Danielle Harel:  I think it's really important to remember that there is no agenda.  That means if he is there and he is trying to bring her to orgasm, it is not going to help her feel relaxed to express your emotions.  It's really about the journey and about being together and being connected.  So I think the way to support it is to just give them information about it.  Sometimes we are there when they do it and teach them how to do it.  Sometimes they practice at home, giving information of how it is supposed to work and giving time and teaching the man to hold the space.

It is beautiful to see a personal journey when a man is more creating the stimulation and a woman is going and diving into herself.  It can also become a couple’s journey when she shares those emotions with her partner.  Just the intensity of being together and doing this together can just bring so many feelings of gratitude from the woman towards her partner.  So it's definitely worth trying it.

Alissa Kriteman:  It’s very healing.

Celeste Hirschman:  Yeah, I was just going to say that we love working with couples because watching their transformation and their reconnection if they have been disconnected from each other or their expansion if they are already feeling connected but want to go to new and exciting levels with their sexuality and experiences is just a joy to watch.  I just got excited.  In my body, I could feel a big ‘yes’.  Watching couples connect around the G-spot or connect around intimacy, connection, love, orgasm is beautiful.

Alissa Kriteman:  It kind of speaks to why you do this work.  Can you talk about that a little bit?  Clearly you are inspired.  Clearly you get a ton out of watching couples connect.  Did you want to say more about that?

Danielle Harel:  Sure, I just recently said to a friend, “I am just fulfilling my fantasy.  I am enjoying this.  It is the best thing I could ever do in my life.”  Really supporting people in this beautiful growth and liberating their sexuality is amazing.

Celeste Hirschman:  Yeah, sexuality has always been such a huge part of my life.  I felt like there was a lot of my life where I was just searching.  Now I felt like I found it.  I get to actually help and support people on their journey to loving themselves, to loving their bodies, to exploring who they are and what their desires are and their pleasures.  I get so much back from the people with whom I work because I feel that energy just like Danielle said earlier.  I feel that energy running through my body.  And I run my energy to help increase their level of feeling in their body.

Danielle Harel:  And I also want to say, many people who come through this room and work with us, at the end of the session say, “So this is what you do, huh?”  Because we get into our bodies when we work and I feel this flash of energy.  It's amazing work.  Amazing.

Alissa Kriteman: It’s almost spiritual.  I mean, wow.  Who knew?  I had no idea.  And you are so tapped in and connected and by far you are the most grounded, vibrant women who just know what they want.  I feel just illuminated in your presence and that's exactly what you were talking about, the power that comes from orgasm on a daily basis.

What are the other benefits of really taking charge of your orgasm and putting attention on that over time?

Celeste Hirschman:  Well, I think I would even say, not even orgasm on a daily basis but masturbation.  By masturbation I made any kind of self-love or touch.  So if you stroke your arm, if you touch your face, that is masturbation as far as I'm concerned.  So we need to give ourselves that love that nurtures us.  And we give it to ourselves.  We ask our partners to give it to us.  We also, just when we hug and cuddle and kiss friends or those kinds of things, all of that is nourishing beautiful energy.  That gives us the strength that makes us want to get out of bed every day.  That's our life force. 

And working in that energy field is spiritual.  It is part of my spirituality and I think whether people want to connect directly the idea of spirituality and sexuality, I do help a lot of people find a place within their spirituality where their sexuality can exist comfortably and joyfully, which I think has been a problem for a lot of people growing up where their spirituality and their sexuality have been - there has been a denial of sexuality.  So, allowing for sexuality within spirituality is another way that we work.

Danielle Harel:  Also our bodies were meant to have sex and were meant to feel this joy and love.  Our hormones support it.  And it creates well-being - wellness and health.  So the more the merrier.  I am talking about quality.  I am talking about quality not about quantity.  Well, if you have good quantity with quality it's wonderful.  But if you just do the quantity it's not enough.  It's not fulfilling enough.

If you take it deep, this is a path of exploration.  This is a path of growth and learning about who you are and transforming on a daily basis.  So what can be wrong here?

Alissa Kriteman:  You know, that's interesting.  I read an article in I won't say which magazine, but I read an article recently where they get this cameo of a date of a man and a woman who went out, got drunk.  It was a one-night stand kind of thing.  It was what was happening in his mind and what was happening in her mind.  It was gross.  They got drunk.  He came over to her house.  He thought it was great and she was like, “When are we done?”  and tapping her hand.
And these are the kinds of articles that are in our mainstream magazines about the kinds of sex that people are having.  It's disconnected, inebriated, has no exploration and it’s quantity with absolutely no quality.  So, yeah, unconscious and there is all that connection there.  So thank you for being powerful women who are bringing this kind of information to the world.

We're going to take one more break and come back in a few minutes and I’m going to ask you some more questions about the work that you offer for men, women, couples, singles, transgender I'm sure.  It's all here. [Laughs]

Yeah.  I'm Alissa Kriteman.  And I'm with Celeste and Danielle.  We'll be right back.

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Alissa Kriteman:  We are back.  I'm your host Alissa Kriteman.  We are talking with Celeste and Danielle, sex and intimacy coaches.  Before the break we were talking about orgasm.  We never got to female ejaculation!

Celeste Hirschman:  I just found out about it too.  Maybe next time.

Alissa Kriteman:  Yeah?  Should I come back?  [Laughs] listeners, I would like you to know that you can e-mail me at [email protected] to comment on the show, ask questions or to offer ideas for topics you would like me to cover on the show.

If you want to reach Celeste and Danielle you can e-mail them at [email protected] or go to their website.  Guess what it is -www.celesteanddanielle.com.  [Laughs]

OK, well we are almost out of time unfortunately but I want to ask you a little bit about the work that you do.  It sounds like you do great work with men as well, not just women, which has been the focus of our show.  But what do you want to say about it?  It sounds like the couple's work is really fulfilling to you and really is probably transforming the planet by helping couples stay together.  But what are your favorite programs?

Celeste Hirschman:  I think we want to talk first about our women’s workshop coming up.  Actually it's not a workshop.  It is a six-week session called the ‘Inner Beauty Makeover’.  Basically it is taking women into their erotic embodiment and teaching them about their bodies and helping them find their desire and pleasure.  That starts on May 20th I think.

Danielle Harel:  April 26th.

Celeste Hirschman:  April 26th.  So we would love to have women in a workshop.  I think there is so much potential for a transformation in the air and women's workshops are so powerful because women are so powerful and amazing.  Doing the work in a group can be so transformative because you see that there are other women who are struggling with the same things with which you are struggling or enjoying or experiencing the same things that you are enjoying or experiencing.  And so I really like working in a group environment with that.  And we give everybody a little inner beauty makeup kit too as part of the class.  That's a fun bonus.

Alissa Kriteman:  Inner beauty makeup.

Celeste Hirschman:  Yes.

Danielle Harel:  An inner beauty makeover kit.  Yeah.  It is very focused on our bodies and our pussies as you can imagine.  We also have the ‘Become An Irresistible Sex Goddess Workshop’, which we run something like every two months.  You can check www.celesteanddanielle.com and see for updates into dates for this workshop, which is amazing and empowering.  Women learn a lot about who they are and what their desires are and to connect with their erotic energy and with other women around them.

Alissa Kriteman:  Yeah!

Celeste Hirschman:  And we also train men.

[Laughter]

Alissa Kriteman:  Yay!  We are doing a little dance!

Celeste Hirschman:  We help men.  I love working with men too, so much.  We help men become extraordinary lovers to women.  There are so many men out there that have gone no information in their lives about how to be good lovers.  There is so much expectation for men that they are just supposed to know without asking or without anyone ever telling them.  So we teach a three level class for men on how to become an extraordinary lover.

We do everything from intimacy and communication.  Then in the second half of the workshop we teach them technique and they get to practice hands-on with women models in the workshop.  What we find out is that wives and girlfriends call us up a week later and they are like, “What did you do to my husband?  I cannot believe it.  It's like suddenly he has eight hands and he looks at me with passion in his eyes.  He takes me to places that he's never been willing or able to take me to before.”  So we tell women all the time, “Send your partner to this workshop.  It will change your life.”  We promise.

[Laughter]

Danielle Harel:  It’s for you.  It's for you, women, yeah.  And for the men; men get confident and the thing that really motivates men is to see the women happy.  Isn't it beautiful?  That's why they want to take the workshop, because they really want to be able to please women and connect with them on those levels.  Yeah.

And also, the second level is how to teach your woman to ejaculate and how to keep the space for her.  Remember the space.  We also talk about sex toys and how to incorporate them in your sex lives.  In our third level we teach men how to bring more role-play and fantasy into their relationship and some BDSM, spanking, dirty words, dirty talk and anal play, too.

So this is all for men.  And you need to start from level one.  You can't jump up there, even though you already think that you are an amazing lover.

Alissa Kriteman:  All those overachievers.

[Laughter]

Celeste Hirschman:  There is always something to be learned in level one and we have a super fun workshop for couples that is a BDSM basics.  It is fantasy, sensation and power play.  Power is a part of every relationship.  So if you bring it to consciousness and you learn how to play with it you can have so much fun.  It is such an expansion because we do the same thing over and over again in the bedroom, often.  And this is a whole other set of experiences that you can have that are really fun and different and exciting.  So we teach that in our couple’s workshop.  We've got another couples workshop coming up on June –

Danielle Harel:  10th.

Celeste Hirschman:  10th.

Alissa Kriteman:  June 10th.  I love it.  Wow.  So singles, couples - you guys really light up with the couples though.

[Laughter]

Danielle Harel:  We love them all.  Really.  We love our men, our women and our couples.  We just love working with people.  It's beautiful to see transformation can happen, even after just one workshop.  We feel like we got feedback for saving people's marriages.

Alissa Kriteman:  Exactly.

Danielle Harel:  Even from the men's workshop.  I'm not even talking about couple’s workshop yet.  Women call us back and say, “Wow, you saved our marriage.”

Alissa Kriteman:  So the women primarily are sending the man.  What percentage of single men actually finds you and want to just expand their knowledge and technique on their own?

Celeste Hirschman:  We have a lot of single male clients.  Some of them are coming out of long-term relationships.  They want to know what it is like to date again or they want to learn more about how to please the future partner that they are going to have.  Yeah, we have single man.  That's a big part of our clientele.  And a lot of the men who come to the workshops are single also.  They are on a break right now [laughs] and they want to learn how to really please their partners.

Danielle Harel:  Yeah, we also teach men on pleasuring their bodies because they deserve to have pleasure in their bodies.  We teach them to connect with their erotic energy in a way that is constructive and not only bring it out but also to keep it in their bodies and use it as a creative source.  Because men think sex, so they want to immediately go out and do it.  And they don't know what to do with this erotic energy.  Sometimes it is a knawing in their bodies.

So we teach them how to hold it in their bodies and expanded and explore different ways of being with this energy.  We also teach them to control ejaculation and to experience full body orgasms.

Alissa Kriteman: That is beautiful.  Men must just come out of here with the same kind of confidence.  Before this conversation, I didn't realize that you're actually returning people to their power.  And it's that both for men and for women.  We started out talking about women.  That's what I'm all about, right?  Empowering each other and empowering ourselves as women, but really having an empowered man in our life is just as important.

Danielle Harel:  Yeah, because who would women date?

Celeste Hirschman:  Exactly.

[Laughter]

Danielle Harel:  If you have an amazing, powerful woman, she needs a man who is going to be able to meet her in the same place.  So we love working with men.  And men want to be there.  They just don't know how.

Alissa Kriteman:  That’s a good point too; because I think sometimes women want to be the teachers.  And I don't know if that necessarily work sometimes in the bedroom.  It can but then I think there is some shutdown may be or some insecurity happening.  Women aren't asking for what they want.  It gets a little uncomfortable and scary.  You have to be really courageous to go for what you want in the bedroom.  And you are coming in and saying, “We’ll help you.  We'll help you with communication.  We can help you get to where you want to go.”

I think most women think, “OK, there is an issue going on in our sex life.  We have to have it handled” and she will want to take it on.  But you're saying, here is another option.

Celeste Hirschman:  I really love what you said about us helping people find their power because men lose their confidence too.  They are afraid to approach women.  Or they are afraid to ask a woman what she wants or to really try new things because they think they are going to get shut down or rejected or thrown away.

So we help them really figure out what they desire and how they can meet women fully in that place from their confidence and power, not a false sense of power over, but a power with.

Alissa Kriteman:  Beautiful.

Danielle Harel:  And then women can - you know, one of women's fantasies is just to let go and be taken care of.  When men come from this place of power and women come from this place of power, they can negotiate the fantasies.  This is what we teach them in the couple’s workshop.  They can negotiate their fantasies and really learn what turns them on.  Then women can let go and be taken. 

Most women just want to be taken and have this man who can control the situation.  But they need to have the trust and the communication to know they are safe to just let go.

Alissa Kriteman:  Beautiful.  There is nothing to say.  What do I say?  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.  You guys are fantastic.  Thank you so much for spending this afternoon with me and sharing your wealth, your deep wealth of information and experience and gifts really.  This is a gift.

I think as women wake up more, they are going to want you and we'll find you and go to celesteanddanielle.com because it is all here, singles, and couples.  It's beautiful stuff.  It's really sacred.  Thank you.

I know there was one more thing I have to say about iFrogz.  [Laughs] So, the show has been sponsored by iFrogz.  Listeners, if you write in with comments or suggestions and I use them on my show, I will send you a fantastic - what is it? - it's an iPod accessory.  I picked them out, so I know they're cool.  They are from the exotic animal collection.  So check out iFrogz.com.

Yeah, right and let me know what you want to know.  Questions, suggestions, comments, and if I use it on my show I will certainly send this out to you.

And that brings us to the end of our show.  Thank you so much Celeste and Danielle.

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Celeste Hirschman:  Thank you Alyssa.  It was great talking with you.

Danielle Harel:  Yeah, thank you.  I feel the same.

Alissa Kriteman:  Thank you.  And so, hopefully we'll have you back and we will cover female ejaculation.  I feel a little remiss about that.  So I'll keep you on my dance card.  Thank you.

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