Episode 12: "The Greatest Guidance System on Earth" with Zen DeBrucke
“The Greatest Guidance System on Earth” with Zen DeBrucke
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Alissa Kriteman: Welcome to ‘Just for Women – Dating, relationships and sex’. I am your host Alissa Kriteman. This is show is dedicated to bringing you the most useful, insightful information available today from today’s top experts in the areas of dating, relationships, intimacy and sex.
Today on our show we have Zen DeBrucke. She is an inspirational teacher, speaker and creator of Power Manifestation. These are courses based on the science and metaphysics of how we manifest our reality through our thoughts and I know that sounds a little erry fairie but Zen’s going to bring it down for us.
In this show, we’ll talk to Zen about how Power Manifestation works, what the internal guidance system is and how it can help us. How to know ourselves in a deeper way and applying this internal guidance system to attracting the love that we want. We’re going to talk about how to turn fear into desire and the power of our emotions.
So if you’re sitting there and you’re looking at this really incredibly hell and some men across the room and you’re thinking, “Oh my god, look at him. He is somebody I want to know”, and your body is closing, contracting, that is literally your internal guide insisting so and warning well Roger, this is not the one, you know, stay away from this guy.
The thoughts have power that one to have emotional charge to them or energy to them that you can feeling about it and then there’s neutral thoughts that really don’t have really any effect. Chicken or fish? Most of fish is poisonous or the chicken is bad? You won’t really get an opening either way, that’ll be based on your desire, which is the most important thing.
You know, calling somebody 60,000 times at one night who is not home, leaving messages and then not being able to erase that, and so negotiate it, really got full.
Alissa Kriteman: I’ve never done that.
Zen DeBrucke: Those are not opening desires, okay, that is you’re addictive freak out going on. I mean this is quick? This isn’t like you know, you need to meditate for five hours and really you’re looking, no, it’s like no. I am feeling this, okay, well what’s behind the fear? What do I really want, and then open to that. I love that.
Men love us. They love women. They do and I am not talking they love women to speak with one woman or they love women because of a sexual attraction, they love us. They love that we’re soft, that we’re inspiring, that we’re emotional, that we’re funny, that we have idiosyncrasies that they don’t understand. We’re interesting. We inspire them. We’re creative. We don’t think the way that they do. They love to have something else to focus on that’s not the same.
Alissa Kriteman: Welcome Zen. Thank you so much for being on the show.
Zen DeBrucke: Oh thank you for having me. This is great. It’s so fun.
Alissa Kriteman: OK. Let me tell you a little bit about Zen DeBrucke. Zen is founder of the Ohuma Institute, an educational and global media company offering a variety of classes, audio downloads and coaching. She has just been named member of a prestigious transformational leadership council and she joined such luminaries as Jack Kentfield, Lynn Twist and Michael Beckworth who you guys might know from ‘The Secret’ and we’ll talk about that a little bit, The Secret.
Zen is the author of an upcoming book ‘Are you open’, using their internal guidance system to create the life in the world you desire. Great, Zen so let’s get started. I’d like to know a little bit more about this internal guidance system and how it can help us be the most powerful women we can be?
Zen DeBrucke: OK, great. It’s a perfect, right place to start. The internal guidance system is actually your divine self, your essence, it’s present in every single human being on the planet and it is constantly entering to communicate with us on a regular basis about the thoughts that we’re having because the thoughts that we’re having actually do create our reality. They create what it is that we perceive in the world and what we’re receiving in the world through the love attraction.
Now love attraction states that like energy, attracts like energy. For those of you who aren’t familiar with this, when I use the term ‘energy’ what I am really talking about here is your emotional energy, your vibrational frequency that’s just happening in your body in constant relationship to the world. It’s when you’re driving in the car and you’re stressed out because you’re heading every light. It’s when you have a great phone call from a friend or a family member that picks you up, there’s an actual sensation in the body that you can feel and that sensation is what I refer to as energy.
Energy that you have in your body goes out and vibrates out of your body. I know this sounds really woo woo but they’ve proven it. Okay, so magnetic field that eliminates out of your body and what it does is it’s like a tuning fork, like if you hit a sea tuning fork in the music world and you have an other tuning fork in the room, other sea tuning forks that are in that, will start vibrating because there’s a resonant field that are like attracts like. There’s a matching vibration that occurs.
You should try this sometimes, actually fun. I’ve done this with audiences that I have in my classes and every girl’s, “Oh, I shouldn’t get that”. So if you walk into a room, let’s say you’re looking for the right mate and you’ve had a whole slew of ones that are exactly the same, carbon copy guys that you’ve met, you always seem to date the same guy and you walk into a room. If you still have that vibration in your body that attract all those other guys, what you’ll find is that you’ll go right up to that same type of person in the room.
Now, to move out of this whole way of being, what we’ve been working with is what I call the internal guidance system and as I said, it is your divine core. It is your divine essence in your body and it’s located between your throat and your belly area and it gives an expanded opening, lightening feeling when you have a thought that is in alignment with your purpose and what you are to be creating, and then it gives an anxiety, stress, closed feeling when the thought that you’re having is not in alignment and not creating what’s on your purpose.
Alissa Kriteman: Well, okay, so let’s go back for a second because this is really juicy stuff. We’re out there dating, meeting men all the time and I heard before that we should date off type if we are really looking for the partner that, you know it’s going to really juice us up. We can’t go for the one that automatically we’re sexually attracted to. We have to look at other things. So you’re saying we can use this guidance system and you mentioned an exercise, I was just wondering like what does that look like? How do we match vibrationally differently? Like what does it look like?
Zen DeBrucke: OK, well first of all before we jump into that because that’s a very very good question. I would just love to see if we can do a tiny little meditation with you, listeners to see if they could feel the internal guidance systems like an actually understanding of what I am talking about and then we can move on in how to shift your vibration to get what you really want.
Alissa Kriteman: Perfect. OK, good.
Zen DeBrucke: So what I’d like for everybody to do is to go ahead and just close your eyes and breathe deeply into your belly. You don’t have to do anything magical here if you know how to ground or you know how to center yourself, you can very quickly, you can go ahead and do that but the internal guidance system works whether you’re quiet or whether you’re not quiet, whether you’re upset or whether you’re not upset, it’s working all the time. You don’t even have to turn it on. I am just showing you how it works within you.
So go ahead and breathe and relax and just put your attention, your focus on what it feels like to expand your lungs and contract your lungs. Now, I am going to have you hold a thought and just try to hold the thought almost like a macho or something that you would kind of just, you can rely in a very relaxed way, say over and over again and that thought is, I do not have an internal guidance system and notice if there’s any sensation in the body when you hold that thought ‘I do not have an internal guidance system’.
The next thought that I’d like for you to hold is ‘I do have an internal guidance system’. Notice any sensations that happen in the throat to stomach area of the body ‘I do have an internal guidance system’.
That sensation that you’re feeling and if you’re not feeling it, don’t worry. There’s all kinds of reasons that could be that your mind is cluttered with other things and your sensations that you’re receiving are based on that and you do get neutrals and we go into this a lot more in the Power of Manifestation CD set on our website. This is a big body of work but the simpleness of it is when you get an expansion, the thought you’re having is true and you should be thinking it and when you get a contraction, the thought you’re having is not true and it’s not in your best interest to be thinking it.
So how did you get? Did you get a sensation Alissa?
Alissa Kriteman: I did, I felt very tight in my chest when I thought there’s no internal guidance system and then when I thought there is, it was like this breaking open of that closeness in my chest.
Zen DeBrucke: Great. So you can use this in dating. That’s the best part. If you are having, and you have to watch your thoughts. So it’s never a man outside of you that’s giving you any sensation. This is not controlled by anything outside of yourself. This is only you and what your thoughts are.
So if you’re sitting there and you’re looking at this really incredibly handsome man across the room and you’re thinking, “Oh my god, look at him. He is somebody I want to know”, and your body is closing, contracting, that is literally your internal guidance insisting so a warning will rouge us this is not the one. Stay away from this guy, okay, and you’ll know the man you’re to be with is one that you feel totally comfortable with, totally excited by, you feel open when you’re around him. You’ll feel like you’re your best self when you’re with him, not nervous, not shy, not coy, not as if you don’t know what to say, you’ll know what to say. He’ll get you from the beginning and all of these things, when you’re thinking them will produce an opening sensation and if you keep stepping into the opening, even if you’re afraid, even if you’re not sure if this is the right guy, even if you’re going, “I am afraid I am going to hurt this guy”, look if you close when you have that thought.
“I am afraid I am going to hurt this guy”, if you close that means that thought is not true.
Alissa Kriteman: OK, well, there’s so many questions because I am picturing myself out there when I meet men, two things, okay, so there’s the body sensation of opening or closing. Then there’s the mind chatter, so how do we distinguish because I’ll see a hot guy, it’ll be like “Damn, he is cute. He is this…he is that…he’s got physical or not”, but my body is kind of like you know what, and yet I am still engaged in conversation. So how do we break from the addiction of the mind?
Zen DeBrucke: Right, well one thing that I want to say is that we all have a different mind and we all have different addictions. Like for you, you see the hot guy and your body is like…you know you’re like, “I like him. I want to go for him”. For me, I see the hot guy, I am like, “Oh”, immediately my mind says, “He is a jerk. He is not for me. He is going to hurt me. He is a player”, you know I do the opposite thing.
As far as good looking guys, get out of my life. I don’t want good looking guys. I go for the computer geeky guys. I mean the smart guys. So we all have a different addiction. We all have a different type and what’s important is that because of our minds do habitual response and reaction create a type that’s our type and it’s usually tied to some 15-year-old boy that we had a crush on, that we carry with us for the rest of our lives, that’s our type, right?
And as we mature, our type matures but our minds are still looking for that one rush hit that we had when we fell in love when we were younger. The whole practice is really about diving deeper into this internal guidance system into your center and listening to that space inside of you and paying attention to what the mind is telling you.
So it’s the addiction of the mind is literally in using the mind as a personality to all, as thinking that your mind is who you are. Actually who you are is this core center of energy that I am tapping you into with this meditation, that expands and contracts. It is more vibrant and more delicious, more amazing, more honest and more intimate you than you could ever have imagined from the mind center.
So if you just sit in this center and it takes practice. This is a practice and you look at what, you start like paying attention what’s opening and closing you, and from that place, notice what thoughts are opening and what thoughts are closing and before too long, you’re going to notice that your mind really doesn’t have a clue. It really doesn’t know what’s going on at all and more and more you’ll gain trust over this sensation in your body.
Alissa Kriteman: I really like that. The Buddha say, “You’re not your thoughts”, and you cannot rely on your mind, get out of your mind, kind of thing and what you’re saying is similar but you’re saying like your thoughts guide you but turn back into your body. So thoughts are going to come million times a day but we’re not our thoughts. We don’t necessarily have to follow every thought that we have because like you’re saying, the mind doesn’t know, but they are important guides but we need to come back into our body. Is that what you’re saying?
Zen DeBrucke: Almost. It’s, you totally got it, you’re right. This has a very, a lot of Buddhist principle into it as well as other global traditions and world traditions, in a religious sense, spiritual sense. However, this is what’s interesting, we’re intended, we are vibrational creatures creating our reality. We create our reality through energy. This inner internal guidance system that I am talking about is the vibration that is attracting everything to us.
Your thoughts generate emotion which is not the same thing as a sensation that I’ve just tuned just as all into, your thoughts generate a story and emotion and a flavor to this energy that I was showing you and so what you do is your thoughts are the creative juice that runs the energy in your body.
So what you do is you’re supposed to be utilizing imagination and your desires and your powerful thoughts at what you truly want for your life, your purpose, your life’s purpose, that all is generated from you using your mind as a tool, an imaginative tool and you check in with, you follow the body sensations to know with that tool is on track, going in the direction, building what you want or off track, not in the direction that you want to be going and moving you away from what you desire.
So you stick with the ideas and you use the mind to create amazing solutions that the universe can attract to you. Does that help? Does that makes sense?
Alissa Kriteman: Yeah, I am just trying to put into a flow, so like what comes first? The ideas, the thoughts and then the action or the thoughts checking with the ideas and then the action?
Zen DeBrucke: A master with this practice stays with the ideas all the time. Then when walking down the street and all of a sudden notice they’re closed, you’ve got a collapsed sensation like, “Oh what was that thought”, and they realize that they just had a thought about leaving their, quitting their job in the next couple of weeks to go something else and they close. It’s not time to quit my job and open backup and like OK.
In the beginning, however, most people are so in their minds that what they start to do is they just keep staying in their minds and then all of a sudden they realize they’re feeling pretty crummy, their body is closed, they’re tight, they’re stressed out, their shoulders hurt, they’re realizing, “Oh, that is all thought”. That is affecting your internal guidance system that you have not recognized, is closing you.
So in the beginning, what you’ll do is you just try to notice when you’re feeling good and when you’re feeling bad and connected to thoughts. Before tuning on you realize that your mind is crazy. It has no sense of what’s real and you’ll start stepping more into what feels right and you’ll start checking in first and then that’s the second step, it’s checking in with your body, like, “Ooh, OK. I am really, or we’re not feeling good”. “I am really well. I am feeling great”.
The third step is you just kind of stay there. I mean I use it to go right or left and getting directions home and I miss traffic and I learned to get parking spaces with this and whether it’s time for me to stopping at the store and go shopping or what I buy at the grocery store, I mean what vitamins to buy, I am sitting and looking at two bottles, price, quality, whatever, I can feel which one feels right for me and you get to a place where you flow through life through this opening sensation.
Alissa Kriteman: I love it. What you’re saying is there’s really no external path we need to follow, it’s all inside of us. We just need to tap in and I like that you break it down into, as we’re starting off with this powerful guiding storm that to dig into those thoughts and when we come back, we’re going to take a break, we’ll talk more about thoughts, desire, turning fears into desires.
This is Alissa Kriteman, we’re having this great conversation with Zen DeBrucke. You’re listening to ‘Just for Women – dating, relationships and sex’ and we’ll be right back.
Moderator: Listen to ‘Living Dialogues – thought leaders in transforming ourselves and our global community’ with Duncan Campbell, visionary conversationalist, bringing you the best in new paradigm thinking on PersonalLifeMedia.com
Alissa Kriteman: Welcome back to ‘Just for Women – dating, relationships and sex’. I am your host Alissa Kriteman. Today we’re talking with Zen DeBrucke, inspirational teacher, speaker, amazing woman, who is talking to us today about our internal guidance system and how we can have mastery and power over our lives by tapping into our thoughts. What are we thinking and we were talking about how thoughts that open us are the ones that are true for us and the thoughts that close us are the ones we should stay away from.
Zen, is there anymore you wanted to add about how our thoughts are really powerful tools?
Zen DeBrucke: Yes, it’s the facet that that’s what have power, the ones that have the emotional charge to them or energy to them that you can feel in your body and then there’s neutral thoughts that really don’t have really any effect. Chicken or fish? Must the fish is poisonous or the chicken is bad? You won’t really get an opening either way, that’ll be based on your desire, which is the most important thing. What you desire and whether those desires open you.
See, the divine God, divinity actually leads us. It doesn’t matter what you call it, it actually leads us by our desires that cause an opening expansive feeling in the body. That feeling that you felt when you did the meditation, that in itself is what I believe is how all of nature is operating and keeping in cohesion and keeping in balance.
All of the birds, for instance, migrate through their opening expansion knowing when to migrate, how far to migrate, who they’re migrating with, whales migrate to that, when animals eat, when they hibernate, when they shed, everything feels like an opening, expanded feeling.
The scientist would call it instinct, I think it’s much deeper, more powerful and intelligent than just an instinctual response. I think it’s a natural flowing energetic, divine life force energy that’s constantly expanding. For instance, all the animals that left in the Tsunami, well before the Tsunami got there and ran up on to the hills, my understanding is that they felt more expanded to be moving quickly in the direction and the quicker they moved in that direction, the more they felt that was the right thing to be doing, the faster they went, the more they opened, till they got to time when they didn’t stop. They just didn’t keep running across the continent, they got to a place where it was safe and then moving any further felt contracting to them, and then there they were.
Alissa Kriteman: This is great because I am just thinking about evolution and us as human beings have been so conditioned to move away from how we really feel internally and animals don’t have that. They naturally move toward expansion because they don’t have their mind, they don’t have that critical thinking.
Zen DeBrucke: You are so right on exactly it and so, our mind is actually disconnected from this source. Our mind is intended to provide us with all of the choice and imagination for us to be able to create our reality and figure out what we truly want. It’s a sensation receptor, that’s all. It takes every sensations in and then it provides us with choice and then we’re to be checking in with divine source, I hate to get in two spheres but God says follow me, always meditate on me always and I am like, “Oh could I ever do that? I just forget it. I can’t possibly do that”, but actually if you’re constantly checking in with your divine center of your ideas, you have constantly meditating one sphere. You’re constantly focused on what is your life’s purpose moment and to be moving in.
So it is desire. It is desire is the way that God beats us. If you have a desire in your life that you really want and you can feel that opening, expanded feeling, that is a desire you are to be following and there’s two types of desires.
There is a carrot desire which is like the donkey with the stick and the carrot’s like leading the donkey down the road, right? I call it a carrot desire. It’s something that spirits like driving you towards your divine energy, your purpose is driving you towards, to get you where you need to go because you have no idea where the heck it is, and there’s a true desire that you’re going to actually actualize, which is like your fullest life purpose having children, for instance.
Having children is not a carrot desire. Yeah, you stuck with them for 20 years but going to miss high school or going to law school or getting half way through and suddenly losing your juice and then quitting and feeling like a failure because you don’t have the desire for it anymore, is actually most likely a carrot and within the next five to ten years, the perfect career that you’re being groomed for needed you to have that exact piece of information in order for you’ll effectively do what you’re here to do as your purpose.
Alissa Kriteman: Interesting. So you’re kind of breaking it down that regardless of what we’ve chosen in our life, we chose that for a particular reason and there’s gifts in it and not to nay say any experience that we’ve had because it’s actually gotten us to the place we’re supposed to go and somehow our internal guidance system has guided us there.
So let’s talk about how we can turn, so we have these desires and as women, I think we are not raised to really let our desires flow and have them. So how do we as women, really get right about having desires because it seems like there’s a lot of fear around us, really, honestly, truly, going for what we want.
Zen Debrucke: Well, first of all, I want to clarify. It is the desire that opened you, it’s not all desires. We have all kinds of addictive impulses, that we have named, our mind has categorized as desire which are actually devastating for us, they cause us more pain, they make us look like idiots.
Calling somebody 60,000 times at one night who is not home, leaving messages and then not being able to erase that and so appreciate it, really got full.
Alissa Kriteman: I have never done that.
Zen Debrucke: Those are not opening desires, OK? That is your addictive freakout going on. Likely men understand these things, they’re pretty good about it but we love men.
Alissa Kriteman: They love us. They really forget anything gone. But anyways…
Zen Debrucke: So what happens is that because we’re led by desire, because that’s our divine energy and source coming to our bodies, if we don’t follow that, what happens is it turns into fear, OK? Fear, all fear is, unless it’s an instinctual fear running for your life, which doesn’t last very long but long term fear, any fears that you’re having are actually you not expressing a desire in your life.
All that fear is desire that has gone unexpressed and the way to move out of fear and into your desire is that you actually, what I have people do, I have them look at the fear, write it out and then turn it into a desire. So I am afraid I never, I am not saying I but you may be afraid that you’ll never going to find the right partner, you’ll never going to find somebody to put up with you. You’ve got all these issues and all these problems and you’re just, “Who would ever want you”, and there’s all these fears and what you really want is you want somebody, you want to have a life partner. You want them to love you completely for who you are and understand you.
In fact, what you really like would open you most is if they thought all of your weird idiosyncrasies were cute and amazing and adorable and made them love you more. Now, think about that for a second, see how much it opened you.
Alissa Kriteman: I actually did this exercise. I was listening to your CDs, the power manifestation CDs, all about turning fear into desire, which is why love that we’re talking about this now and actually did that because instead of shying away like “Oh, I just want to be single now. It feels good”, and it does, like I love being single but I do. I am calling in that partner that I want to spend the rest of my life with and I looked and I turned, “Well, what are the fears? I am never going to find him. I am never going to find someone who can match where I match”, but really and then I switched it around, it’s like, “I want to be deeply deeply loved”, and so this simple exercise of writing it down and actually instead of sitting in the fear, watch the want behind the fear.
Zen Debrucke: Exactly, and then what happens is when you actually own that desire and you get the opening expansion in the body, the fear goes away and this is how you can live fearlessly. It’s by shifting your fears into desires, feeling an opening in the body which I call as the divine yes. When you get that opening about a thought you’re having, it’s literally divinity saying, “Yes, this is for you. It’s on your purposes, on your path. Go for it”, and when you have that knowing in your body, that’s where the fearlessness and the courageousness of life comes from and even though the outside world in your mind will sometimes say, “No, that’s not possible. You can’t have that”. When you have those thoughts, you get a closing which is like, “OK, those thoughts aren’t true. I need to stick with my divine ‘yes’ and I am getting a divine ‘yes’ on this.
Now be attached to timeline, don’t be attached to when it has to happen or how it has to happen or what he has to look like, just allow that sensation to be fully expressed in your body and then go back to the next moment.
Alissa Kriteman: I love it. Fearless living, right? What else is there? I love that you have created a way for us as women who are innately, deeply desiring so much and have this fear going on, we can quickly, I mean this is quick. This isn’t vague. You need to meditate for five hours and really you’re looking, “No”, its like “No, I am fearing this”. “Okay, well what’s behind the fear? What do I really want”, and then open to that. I love that.
Okay, so saving that Mr. Right or Mr. Right now, whatever…and things are going great and then we realize, “OK, we’re not, this isn’t working now”, say he breaks up with us, right? But I cannot seem to get over him because this is an issue that comes up, like this addiction to loving men and whatever. How can we use this system to have an effective breakup?
Zen Debrucke: Well, first of all, heartache, most often, and so emotion is different than the opening of the internal guidance system. Your emotions are things that will lead you out of control and have you do silly things, okay? The emotions come from stories that our mind creates. Story of, “Oh, that Mr. Right, he was a perfect one and then this horrible woman came in and broke us up and now she is with him and I am alone and he really loves me and he just doesn’t know yet, bla bla bla….and he’ll be back”, and all this stuff we tell ourselves. Okay, that’s a mind story, right?
You need to check your mind stories out with your internal guidance system and see if they open you. Most often your mind has a habitual way that you’ve been treated since you were born by your father, by your brothers, by your relationships you’ve had early on in your life and it has a whole bunch of story going on about being a bandit, not being loved, not being good enough, not being pretty enough, not being this not bla bla bla…on and on and on.
If it’s true that this person is got to come back to you that will feel opening, that you’ll have a very relaxed sensation about not having to worry about it, he’ll show up when it shows up and you’re to do other things that you’ll focus on because you want to constantly be stepping into the opening and you’ll never be in a place where you’re pining away. The spirit will never lead you to pining away for somebody that’s not coming back, okay, but if he is not coming back and you’re going on with your story and in misery and just sitting around in your slippers eating hot dogs and watching moves, right, which is good for few days but six months later if you’re still there, you want to look at if your thoughts are opening you or closing you.
If they’re closing you, it’s your responsibility to look at what does open you and if actually and you’ll be surprised when you for the first few times you get contradictory information between your ideas and your mind, ideas meaning internal guidance system, between your ideas and your mind because you may really think that this is the one and when you ask, you close.
I have had this happen and it is a very powerful experience to have your mind telling you but this is him, he really love you and he made you happy, and have your body be closing.
Alissa Kriteman: What does that feel like when a body is closing because I can really see the struggle between the mind really let grasping on especially during breakups because there’s so, that energy is so important. So what is that body closing sensation?
Zen Debrucke: It feels like anxiety, it feels like heartache, it feels like pressure on your chest like you can’t breathe, sickness, pity your stomach. When you get like a real not rock feeling in the pity your stomach, okay, that is a whole what I call a body of thought, that’s a whole belief system. That’s a whole circuit of thought that you’re holding that is so not true that and that’s so consistent in your life that it actually is permanent closure in your stomach.
So something along the lines of if you are convinced that you were supposed to marry somebody and every guy you look at, you compare to him, every time you turn around, you’re still keeping your life on track by waiting for this person to come back, that will show up as a whole body of thought. If it’s not true, there’ll be a lock down feeling in the pity your stomach.
If you feel that ‘no’ then you have a huge part of what you’re believing to be true in the world that’s off, not on purpose and not intended for you to be creating. So the main thing is in a situation like this we have a tendency, our mind has a tendency to produce the same thoughts over and over again about this person, he is the one da da da… and that will all close you.
It’s really important for you start self-encouraging thought in the other way and if it’s not true, it won’t feel good. I can promise you if you are running away from somebody who is your life partner and you’re seeing that going, “I don’t need him. I am done with him. He’ll wish he’d never met me”, that kind of a thing and you’re closed. You’re full of yes. You’re lying to yourself, you’re hiding, running from a relationship, you’re running from intimacy, you’ll fell that closing too. It’s not based on just being positive.
So what you do when you’ve got a big, huge breakup that’s going on and you just can’t get over this guy and you’re trying to convince yourself, look at convincing yourself the other way for a few moments. There’s somebody else out there who is really much more ‘my partner’ than this person.
I’ve got somebody that is waiting for me out there and I need to leave this relationship behind. I’ve already learned what I needed to learn in this relationship and now I need to learn something about myself for a while.
You can look at the things that you didn’t like about the relationship that who you were and see if those are things that you need to change to get ready for your next partner. You can ask, you can be thinking thoughts like, “I am just in preparation right now for the perfect one”.
This was a stepping stone man. There’s nothing wrong with stepping stone men. This is just, and see if you open.
Alissa Kriteman: I love it. I love it. It’s really what you’re saying is we have to take responsibility for ourselves and after the four days of hug and as and as romance movies and tears that yeah, not only that, what you’re saying is it’s actually, I can see a psychotherapist getting really crazy about what you’re doing because you’re taking the work away from them. Well we’ll have to go and sit and talk for, you know I am going to go to a therapist now because there’s something really wrong with me or why can’t I have a relationship. I mean that industry is fueled by what’s wrong but what you’re saying is there’s nothing wrong.
We have just been living our lives unconscious, through our own guidance system that says, “Hey, there’s nothing wrong. This was not the man for you. What are the gifts? What are the lessons and how would you want”.
Zen Debrucke: Exactly, and then you know, and there really isn’t anything wrong with the therapy movement. I just have to say if it’s the only place that we can go to sit down and shut up long enough to listen to ourselves that we can actually feels what feels later on, ye, please go to therapy because we’re also busy but yeah, it’s your own internal guidance and every therapist will tell you all they’re doing is leading you back to you and your own self-realization and this is a way that you can use it for self-realization.
Also, this is a very practical tool that you can use in your life. So for instance, if you got to call him and you feel closed at the thought of calling him, don’t call him. This works if you’re in relationship and if you’re not in relationship.
There are times when our guys just need to be left alone. They’ve got focus and they would give us everything that we possibly have but just pay attention when you got to call your partner.
Let’s say you’re in a fight and you’re going to call him one more time and you close, don’t call him. That means your spirit is telling you, “No, this is not the appropriate time, what you have to say right now is not going to do any good”, and then on the other times when you feel like, “I am not going to call him. He is the one who is wrong”, and you actually closed to that and we turn out, “I should call him? I am actually off base in my argument”, you open.
Alissa Kriteman: OK, let’s talk about that because we said that closing is anxiety, tightness, pit of stomach, what does opening look like?
Zen Debrucke: It feels like an expressed, expanded, relaxed feeling. Some people feel it as a lightening, an opening, an expansion, a peacefulness in your body, in the stomach it’s all is quite just in chest area and we get on jags in our relationships where we are just, either we can be peer messing, I use this to ask if I am peer messing. I will open, then I know that some of the big issues that I am fretting about are not quite the big issues.
Peer mess is very very powerful, it is, our whole mind is raging as powerful I have a lot of respect for this human body that we’re in and I don’t want to inflict it on anyone, especially someone I love so much and so there are definitely times when I am off base. I have a wrong way of thinking or I am pushing my old story at my partner trying to make him fit into a mob that doesn’t really fit and I’ve had to ask like, “Is this really true? Is this really a problem that I am facing with this person right now”, and if I close, I am like, “OK, so this isn’t true. I am being a pain. I am being uncaring, unforgiving”, and if I start opening, your body will start relaxing in that, I know it’s time to apologize to be truthful, to tell on myself, “Hey, I’ve got something going on here. I don’t know what it is but let free to help work it out with me. It’s not your fault but I can use some support because it’s unclear. I am confused”, and people try to tell us all the time what’s wrong with us and what’s right with us and I don’t trust anyone anymore except from my own internal guidance system.
Alissa Kriteman: Yeah, I love that and you know, I just want to stay and not pooh pooing psychotherapy but I see how they actually can work together because I think it’s massively instrumental for us to have support in outside guidance but like you’re saying it’s not necessarily the only thing and I can see how this in tapping into our internal guidance system can actually accelerate work that we’re doing with the psychotherapist or with a girlfriend or whoever we’re sharing our thoughts with, because it’s imperative to have that support but also it’s really really important to tap into ourselves and understand what are these thoughts, does it open me, does it close me, what do I desire, what do I want now?
Zen Debrucke: Exactly, that’s exactly. It’s important to like stay focused on what your internal core is telling you. It is that the other piece is that this information from my experience and from the experience of many many others who I have worked with, it comes, it’s omnipotent, it’s omnipresent, it knows more than you do, it knows about everything that’s going on around you.
We’ve talked a lot about relationships but I use this in my business. I use this with my family. I use this for personal and spiritual growth and what books to read, what not to read. I use it for everything, I mean I use it for everything and I just recommend that when you are beginning to use this practice, don’t let your mind teach you that it can trick your internal guidance system because it can’t.
The thing is as you’ll think, “I am just trying to talk to myself into where I am supposed to be going on. I am just talking myself into what feels good or what doesn’t feel good”, but in reality, as soon as you step forward on that path, the internal guidance system doesn’t leave. It’ll give you a sensation on the next thought you’re having and the next thought you’re having, it’s not a magic cable, it is a personal, intimate connection to your divine source that loves you very much and is constantly at on your side helping you to get to where you are supposed to be to do the most effective, beautiful, joyous work in love.
It doesn’t leave your side and so just know that it’s not a magic cable that you get some sort of opening and closing and then you’re off on your own alone again. I think that’s one of the most amazing parts as I don’t feel lonely anymore. There is a core essence of intimacy within my being that I can’t quite express, you have to go and to dig into it yourself.
Alissa Kriteman: Yeah, I love what you said about. Our internal guidance system is not tricking us. Yeah, and it’s like, that’s such a mind thing like I have been tricked, it said no, it’s just there to help guide us. Awesome.
We’re going to take another break to support our sponsors. This is Alissa Kriteman, you are listen to ‘Just for Women – dating, relationships and sex’. I am here with Zen Debrucke and we’ll be right back.
Moderator: This program is proudly sponsored by ‘Meet the dreamer – Alissa’s four cornerstones to living your dreams’, the new book by Alissa Kriteman. Createthelifeyouwant@meetthedreamer.com
Alissa Kriteman: Welcome back. You’re listening to ‘Just for Women – dating, relationships and sex’. I am your host Alissa Kriteman and we are having a very intimate, yummy opening conversation with Zen Debrucke.
So this is our last segment but I have to go a little bit deeper about these concepts, how the IGS system can help us be more effective with men in our sexual relationships, in our dating life, in our marriages, where do you want to take it? You’re the expert.
Zen Debrucke: All of that, the last five minutes of the show, okay.
Alissa Kriteman: No, it was really amazing me point you what you were saying about how we have to understand men first to just level the playing field that men are not women. There are so many aspects and if women, with my audience has been listening to these interviews that I had been doing with Alison Armstrong and other thought leaders in the realms of sex, intimacy and love, they start to see that we are very very very different and we have to understand those differences in order to be effective with having a partnership.
Zen Debrucke: The basics of it all really is that, and this maybe something that’s really challenging to believe but I’d love for you to check your ideas on it for most women that are out there.
Men love us. They love women, they do and I am not talking they love women to sleep with women or they love women because of a sexual attraction, they love us. They love that we’re soft, that we’re inspiring, that we’re emotional, that we’re funny, that we have idiosyncrasies that they don’t understand. We are interesting. We inspire them. We’re creative. We don’t think the way that they do.
They love to have something else to focus on that’s not the same. They love other men too but there is a thing that they love us. Okay, and if you recognize how much they’ll put up with from us. Really, I mean we get into our thing about what we’re putting up with them but realistically, what they put up with in us and how moody we are and how our ideas shift and our focus shift and we change our minds and all of these things that we do.
When you get down at the core of that the problem that I have witnessed is that women don’t know how to see the way that men express love, so they feel that they’re not been loved enough and when you get an understanding of the ways that men express love, it’s astounding how consistently they are expressing to us how much they love us.
I do want to say one last piece around sex and the female body, okay? As much as we would like to think that men have a certain type and that this is what they like and yes, there are very few men out there that are that picky but they generally have issues and if there’s any men listening like that, sorry, it’s just what I found and relating to men, if there’s only the blonde, 6 ft 3”, Scandinavian type girl that you like, there’s an issue there. It’s an intimacy thing or a lack but in general, a healthy male is into women. [period]
There’s something attractive in every woman that he can find. That’s part of the reason why men have their things, they’re just attracted and you, when you are in his arms and you are making love to him, you are the most incredible creature. It is not that they, it is so absolutely true that it is really not about whether your thighs are thin, do not suck in your stomach, do not try to look beautiful, do not try to be perfect, just be fully you and enjoy yourself. There is nothing more attractive to a man in a central situation than a woman who is having a good time and is fully under herself and feeling wonderful and letting herself go and that is all he is paying attention to is that energy itself that he is with a woman who is enjoying having a good time with him.
So the more that you focused on yourself and your body and what you’re thinking and how you look, the less you’re focused on having a good time, the more that he feels like he is not doing it right, the more that you get into a weird, awkward situation, and this is where the spirituality comes into sex. It is a place for you to be with another being and be fully and completely yourself and fully and completely experience yourself.
So when you’re in that space, make sure that you’re breathing fully, that you’re recognizing in your body and that you’re feeling what it feels like to be with this person. If you do that, you’ll be one of the best lovers on the planet because that’s really all it takes.
Alissa Kriteman: Yeah, recently I interviewed a panel of men, three men consistently, that’s what they said. They love a woman who can really enjoy herself because inherently built into that is, he is going to become part of that mix. If she is already, if she knows who she is and she is going for her pleasure, that is a huge turn on.
Zen Debrucke: Exactly. Exactly, and because of men are who they are, they will take responsibility for that turn on.
Alissa Kriteman: I did that, okay? That is who they are, they’re going to be like “I did that. I am doing that. Look at me, I am so cool”, at the same moment….
Zen Debrucke: And they’ll love you because you’re helping them hold that space of ‘I am doing something good in the world’ and they will keep coming back for more of that.
Alissa Kriteman: Is it that the most incredible win-win, and I am finding that more and more and more. The more we take care of ourselves, the more we love ourselves, the better we feel, the more attractive we are to other men and then they get on the rides.
So it’s like it’s so important for us to do our own work to really love and honor ourselves in being that out.
Zen Debrucke: So this is another big thing that I really do feel as happening on the planet. There’s a lot of talk about women coming back into power, in the matriarch and all of that and I do think that there’s a balance that’s been struck but I don’t think that it’s about women coming back into power in the way that we think about it as men are in power today, controlling things.
I believe that there is a divine order to male-female relationships and what I believe the divine order is, is that women through their desires and their appetite and their expression of what they really want to see happen in the world, inspire men to produce those things and the men will do it simply because the women will be full and happy and it’s part of taking care of their women and when the woman is full and happy, just like when she is in orgasm and the guy is like, “I did that. Look at her. She is amazingly happy”, he wants to produce more and then in that space where she is happy and she’s seeing what’s being produced and she is excited, her appetite and her desires for what’s next come forward and she tells him about it and she inspires him with her vision and then he produces, and this, and it’s not that women can’t produce, it’s just that how we produce is in a much more non-linear fashion of all the ideas in multitasking and all of that where a man is like, “Okay, I am going to go get that done”, and then he’ll look at what you want next and, “Okay, I am going to get that done”.
If you watch your man around your house, it’s what he does. Whatever you’re really excited about doing and then you’re really happy that he did, gives him the idea to do more but if you’re not happy with what he has produced, he has a tendency to not want to produce more. So they’re such beautiful figurate cycle between men and women and I believe that that piece is what we need to start doing as a woman to inspire men, to shift the planet to where we see that the health lies, where we see where our babies and our medical are getting taken care of.
We have the appetite for this planet to be healthy and strong and if we inspire, I think that we do have the men that will produce it and create it and be our kings.
Alissa Kriteman: Well, that’s pretty incredible. I don’t think that we as women have been thinking that we can actually inspire men to make change in the world through that inspiration, through our own desire.
Zen Debrucke: Yeah, yeah.
Alissa Kriteman: Wow, and I can talk to you all day but we have to wrap this up so listeners, I just wanted to say feel free, please email me at email@example.com and make some comments, give me some feedback, let me know what you like, what you want to hear about and you can reach zen at firstname.lastname@example.org and for more information, really get these powerful CDs. They’re amazing. It’s a four CD set, the power of manifestation CDs. They will, I promise you, change your life and you can find those at powermanifestation.com.
Is there anything else you want people to know, your books and…when will we see your book?
Zen Debrucke: It should coming out around September and then have a national professional launch in Spring of next year with our publisher. So that we’ll have an offer at that point and then there’s also 65 hours of other audio on our site that you can go and download an hour of each that talks about, it all talks about all of this type of stuff that we’ve been looking for, that you’ve been hearing just tonight, today.
Alissa Kriteman: She has already moved into the evening, and also we’re going to put up a special link. Yeah, we’ll give ‘Just for Women’ listeners some kind of a discount.
Zen Debrucke: Yes, so the code, the coupon code for you to get a $5.00 discount off the CDs is JFW11 and you just go ahead and you go in and pick whatever you want and we’ll give you a $5.00 coupon off of anything that’s on the site. That works for you?
Alissa Kriteman: Awesome, because that won’t even mean a free download because yeah, her site is chockfull of amazing information. So yeah, check it out powermanifestation.com.
Zen Debrucke: And there’s also tons of free audio on there. There’s audio on relationship, part 1 of our series and on money and on hope into knowing and the IGSO. You can actually go and get probably three or four hours worth of free audio right after that just from the download on the site as an example.
Alissa Kriteman: Perfect, they have a newsletter?
Zen Debrucke: I have got so many things, I am like yes, we have a newsletter, you just join our mailing list and then you’ll get the newsletter each month and that talks about the internal guidance system and tips on getting it deeper into your life. We’re also on YouTube. This meditation that I did is on YouTube.com and you type in ‘Internal Guidance System’ and we’ve got 13 videos up there on the internal guidance system.
The meditation that we did during this, in a slower format than we did here today and then seven practices that you can do to help deepen your experience of it.
Alissa Kriteman: Nice. Thank you, perfect YouTube, she is cooking, and then for texts and transcripts of this show and other shows on the Personal Life Media Network, please visit our website at PersonalLifeMedia.com.
So that brings us to the end of the show. Thank you Zen so much for the real forward thinking. I feel as though you’re pioneer for women in what’s possible and attracting the love that we want. How to get out of our mind spins and really live a life that’s aligned with our true purpose. So thank you so much for being on this show.
Zen Debrucke: Oh you’re so welcome. You’ve been so great, I’ve had the best time. Thank you.
Alissa Kriteman: Thank you. More joy, more joy. Yeah, I am your host Alissa Kriteman. You’re listening to ‘Just for Women – dating, relationships and sex’. It’s been my pleasure to be with you today, always expanding your choices. I look forward to giving you more next time. Stay tuned. Thank you.
Announcer: Find more great shows like this on personallifemedia.com.