Episode 71 - The Law Of Attraction: Be All You Can Be with Hemal Radia

Transcript

Teri Struck: I’m Teri Struck, host of Beauty Now, a weekly podcast that brings you the latest in the cutting edge of all things beauty. Lately we’ve been focusing more on inner beauty. We’ve done shows on lasers, lipo, lifts, weight loss, Iso Cleanse, The 3 Day Natural Facelift with Dr. Perricone, The Happy Body, motivational podcasts, breast augmentation, eye lifts, the latest injectables, eating for beauty, cooking for beauty, and the best anywhere to get you feeling and looking your best. Lately with all the holidays and all the stress of the year and this year has been so hard with the economy, we’re really blessed to have a pro to help us. We have Hemal Radia, the creator of Manifesting In Laws of Attraction. Hemal’s here to share with us the secrets to unlocking any obstacles that we have with our self-image and making it easier for us to unlock all of our potential. Welcome Hemal, and thanks so much for being with us today.

Hemal Radia: Hi Teri. It’s an absolute pleasure. Thank you for asking me. It’s lovely to be here.

Teri Struck: I’m so excited to talk to you because I think that all of our listeners, well most of our listeners – I know some have it all together – but they’re struggling with this economy, they’re struggling with their self-image, they’re, you know, a lot of people are just kind of really lately don’t feel good about themselves because they’re looking in the mirror and they look tired from everything and… how do you turn that around? How do you get the motivation? Where do you get it Hemal?

Hemal Radia: Well I guess the thing for many people is, just an example you mentioned about the economy and everything else, I guess what happens for many people is that they tend to look around them and they tend to see things that don’t feel very pretty, and so they don’t feel very good. And of course when we don’t feel very good, that perpetuates and goes from there. So I guess what’s been happening more recently is they look around and things aren’t so good and money may be tight and this may be difficult, so that’s what they see more of. And I think, as we’ll probably talk about today, is that it’s really about putting your attention on things that you can actually appreciate. Like you said, my blog you were saying is called Manifesting In Law of Attraction, and law of attraction is essentially as you put your attention on something you tend to attract something that matches that. So, you know, if you start to find something within your life that you can actually appreciate or feel good about and if you just put your attention on that, even just minutely put your attention on there but don’t doubt it, that just by putting your attention on it congruently, just by your focus of it it’ll grow and expand. It’s like, you know, when you start to think about something and if you just gently drift into the thought, the thought gets bigger and it expands and then you think of other aspects of the thought that you’re thinking about, it just grows and expands. So when people don’t feel good, what tends to happen is they tend to habitually or very naturally just look at things that don’t feel good and it just goes from there. And then they find more evidence to support it and it goes from there, it just gets bigger and bigger. So the thing to do, like I said, habitually we tend to be distracted and we tend to be drawn to looking at certain things in our lives, whether it’s our money, other things in our lives. As we look at those things we don’t feel very good. We kind of habitually come to the things that we look at. So what I’m suggesting is look at the things that you would like to look at in your life that actually feel good to you. Lets just say hypothetically that lets just say financially things aren’t good, lets say work things maybe aren’t good and maybe there’s other things in your life, whether it’s relationships or health or whatever it might be. What I talk to people about is focus on the things that you actually do have in your life that you can appreciate. Now you can have no penny in the bank or cent in the bank, and start to look at what you actually do have in your life. It could even just be the fact that you’re here, the fact that wonderful things have happened in your life. Just start to put the attention on something that feels better. And as you do that, without doubting it or contradicting it with other thoughts, as you do that congruently for a few seconds, maybe a few minutes, as you do that you’ll start to feel a bit better. As you do that, as I was saying earlier about the thoughts that doesn’t feel good, as you start to put your attention on something that does, you’ll start to attract more and it will grow and it’ll go from there. And my blog talks more about this, and I’ve done other (unintelligible) and a lot of other events, and I talk more about this in detail, but essentially, you see, when we look around us we’re only seeing one aspect of what’s around us. You know, we’re very much seeing the physical world. But there is a far deeper level of things around us which we actually don’t see and which we can actually feel. But you see we’re kind of seeing the tip of the iceberg when we look around us in our lives, and what I encourage people to realize is there is actually far more around you than you see. Even the things that you would like – the dreams, the goals, the desires that you would like – they all exist on a deeper level. They’re all there, they just haven’t physically come into your life yet. So when we start to look at the things that feel better, we get into the frequency of things that feel bad and we tend to attract more of it and we tend to see more of it. So that’s why I’m encouraging you to start to look for things that actually do feel good just for the sake of changing your frequency so that you’ll start to attract thoughts that’ll feel better and you’ll start to see things differently in your life that’ll feel better and you’ll start to see more of it, more and more of it, and it’ll grow and go from there.

Teri Struck: So you’re saying that, you know, if we focus on the positive obviously – and most of us know to do that – then you can attract more of it. But what happens when we have a catastrophe that has, you know, come into our life – whether it be, you know, the loss of a job, the loss of a spouse, something, you know… how do you deal with that? How do you say, “Oh, I’m going to be positive. I want to bring something better here?”

Hemal Radia: Yup. And I was actually also going to say that what you said about most of us can think positive; well let me just try to define that a bit more. I know that many years ago, probably a couple decades ago there was a thing about positive thinking and so on and so on, and well let me just clarify how I knew things. Now many people, when they think positive, when they think of thinking positive, I guess many people have an interpretation that it’s kind of like “I’m going to feel good, I’m going to feel good”, but behind it they’re still thinking thoughts that don’t feel very good. It’s more like “I’m going to try to force this issue to feel good so that I can feel better and things can happen.” So what I’m suggesting is genuinely congruently feeling positive not for the sake of feeling it, but actually doing it because you want to feel positive. So what I would say to people – and I’ll come on to the examples that you mentioned about the catastrophes – so what I’m sayng to people really is that focus naturally on actually what feels good. If you have a cat and you enjoy playing with your cat, do that, because it genuinely, you feel good. If you have children or if you know other people that have children, you enjoy spending time with them just because it distracts you away from what’s happening, do that. Those are the things that I mean. Some people, when they think about positive thinking, they think of “Well I feel good, I feel good”, and they congruently don’t actually feel good, but they’re just saying the words and they’re going through it because they think it’ll help them. But you see what’s happening is they may be saying the words but they’re not shifting their vibration, which is the key of what I talk about. It’s really about your vibration. Your thoughts have a certain vibration and you attract things that match that. So if you’re saying positive words but you’re feeling not so very good, your vibration hasn’t really shifted too much. It’s actually you feeling genuinely better, that’s when your vibration is at its most powerful, so in fact the most wonderful things that you would like. So that’s why, even when you have a catastrophe. So normally when people have a catastrophe they have a bit of shock - maybe a bit of trauma, maybe, you know, can be quite emotional when things happen, whatever it may be, whether it’s health related, job related, relationship, maybe someone’s left their life in some way. So the thing to do, it’s really about your vibration because whatever you’re offering vibrationally, that’s what’s about to come into your life. So based on how you feel, that’s the signal that you’re putting out and that’s an indication of what’s on its way in your life. And of course, based on the strength of the signal you give off, that’s how soon it’ll come. So when something happens you really want to soothe the emotions that you have around that time. So if, for example lets say you’ve lost your job. So what you can do is at that moment you can say to yourself that “I’ve lost my job and I don’t feel very good”, and you can kind of acknowledge where you’re at, so you can acknowledge it and then you can kind of say to yourself “Well, I’ve lost my job. I don’t feel very good, but you know what, I want to feel better. I want to feel be on my way to feeling better. So I’d like to step away from thinking too much about what’s happened and maybe think about the future I would like to have.” So basically when we have a traumatic event, what tends to happen, we’ll have emotions around it, and of course at that moment we’re in shock. So the thing to do at that moment is basically to get ourselves out of that shock. And so at that moment we also may not find it very easy to think about things that feel good because we’re just so pulled in by the emotion of that time. So it’s really about what I would call softening your emotions. So at that moment, at that moment what you do is you say to yourself things like “Okay, I’ve just been through something that does not feel very good and I don’t feel very good right now, so I’m going to allow myself some time, some space and not let myself get sucked into it even more and make it even bigger. I’d like to even maybe give myself some space, maybe step away from it, maybe do things that allow me to distract myself momentarily from what’s happened, just so I can soften the emotions around it. And as I soften those emotions, I can then find my own space and start to look for things that feel better for me.” Now as you do that, you can say to yourself, you can do other things that take you away from it, that distract you from it momentarily. You can even say things to yourself like, “Okay, I’ve lost my job. This meant a lot to me. It’s affected my income, but I believe there’s more on its way or good things, I believe that things happen for a reason and maybe I’m on my way to something better” or, you know, “Maybe this job wasn’t for me. Maybe there’s something else on its way” and so on and so on. So you make statements that soften it to you. So again, if it’s a relationship that’s just ended, you can say statements to soften your perspective on it, so you can feel a bit softer about it and gentler about it, and then you can then, once you get some balance on it, you can then create space to start to think about the things that you would like. So to answer what you were saying about catastrophes and so on, it’s really about softening and being gentle to ourselves. Often times when things happen we tend to be quite unkind to ourselves and we maybe blame ourselves, and it’s about being kinder to ourselves, because you see if you’re being harsh on yourself, what vibration are you offering and what are you attracting more of? You know, if you’re going to be self critical, what vibration are you offering and what are you pulling in more of into your life? So it’s about being gentle with yourself and creating space for new things to come into your life.

Teri Struck: How do you start being gentle with yourself? If you’re feeling, if you are bringing those negative emotions in – which I know right now is a very hard time for so many people – and how do you start?

Hemal Radia: Right. Well first of all, knowing that it is okay to be gentle with yourself. I mean I think some people, sometimes they’re not used to being kind to themselves. So I think the key thing is what I said previously, which is knowing that it’s really about the vibration that you’re offering. You know, if you’re going to be self critical to yourself, if you’re going to be blaming yourself, you may find yourself attracting people that will be blaming you also because that’s what you’re putting out there. So in a sense, you know, you can be critical if you want, but that’s what you’re going to be attracting more of. So in terms of how can you be gentle with yourself, it’s really about being kind to yourself, knowing that, you know, what is the vibration you want to be offering. By you being kind to yourself your creating that path for other things to come your way. And as you do that for yourself, you’re opening the path for things to come into your life. Sometimes we may not know the solutions around the corner, and as we allow ourselves to be gentle with ourselves we’re offering the vibration, the frequency to allow that to come into our lives. So, you know, by doing that we’re allowing it to come in. By being critical we’re actually offering a bit resistance for good things to come to us because we’re putting out that vibe.

Teri Struck: So how do you teach people around you to respect your feelings? A lot of people are naysayers and they’re like “Oh, that’s a bunch of bologna” and that kind of stuff. You just have to believe in yourself, correct?

Hemal Radia: Yes, that’s right. And I would also say that, to step away from what other people think because it’s really about you and your feelings. No one can actually step into your shoes and feel what you’re feeling. People will say to you “You need to do this, you need to do that.” Check in with how you feel about that, ‘cause if it feels uncomfortable to you, that’s not the best thing for you at that moment. So check in with your own feelings. In terms of naysayers, I mean yes, there’ll be people who won’t believe stuff, but you see, I mean there’s loads of quotes around about, you know, all the wonderful things that have happened in our world have happened because someone believed in something and it happened, rather than believing the naysayers. So that’s just some of the quotes that we see around, but essentially it is about you following your belief and your faith and what you feel. No one can be in your shoes, so it’s about stepping into what you believe. What I often say to people is, you know, ask yourself right now, in the situation that you’re in write down three or five things or seven things or as many as you’d like that you feel would be good to do right now or helpful in your situation. Then look through the list and scan them, and just say to yourself “Which ones feel the best and the most appealing”, and start from there. And it’s about you tuning into your feelings and following what feels best to you.

Teri Struck: Oh I believe it can happen. I once won two cars in one year. And I really thought I was going to win the car. I kept selling tickets to these charities, and I thought, you know, “I think I’m going to win a car”, and I did. And I had actually said to my dad, “Dad do you want to buy a ticket so that you could win a Lexux?” And he goes, “The chances of you winning are nil.” And guess who won. Me. I won the car, and he was the first person I called.

Hemal Radia: Well, you know, I think the other thing I’ve discovered, sometimes it’s not even the fact that we have to believe it, sometimes it’s just the fact that we don’t disbelieve it and we allow the positive to come to us as well sometimes. ‘Cause sometimes people will have things happen and they say “Oh, how did that happen?” And the fact was that they didn’t necessarily think about it or believe it, but they didn’t disbelieve it and so the path was open for it to come to them as well.

Teri Struck: I did believe that. That’s exactly how I felt. I thought “Well, you know, it could happen. You never know.”

Hemal Radia: Yeah, that’s right. And you’re asking earlier about, you know, when people have certain situations and how can they feel good and so on… I mean, I’ll give you an example is a client I worked with a few months ago. She approached me and she said, you know, “I actually have a health issue”, she said, “I have an issue with my brain.” She was in her early 50’s, she’d had this issues since her late teens, and basically she couldn’t read words, she couldn’t read books and so on because the words would cloud over…

Teri Struck: Dyslexia?

Hemal Radia: It was actually some sort of I think a neurological thing, rather than dyslexia I believe.

Teri Struck: Uh huh.

Hemal Radia: So she said, you know, “Could you help me with it?”, and I said, “Look, I don’t actually promise physiological results, but I can help the way that you feel, and I do tend to believe that things, as you change the way that you feel your own vibration changes, and I believe all things are possible including physiologically related. So I do believe that, you know, if we can get you into a good feeling place things can happen. But obviously it’s up to you if you want to sort of go down this road.” And she said, “Yes, I’d like to.” So we, along the hours – I have hour sessions with my clients – so we decided we’d split the first one to 30 minutes and 30 minutes next week. So what we did, I got her to start to focus on things in her life that she appreciated. So this woman, I mean in the conversation as we talked I could tell that she liked things like nature and so on and so on, so it just happened to come out conversationally. So I said to her, “I want you to write a list of what you like in nature, what you enjoy, you know”, ‘cause I could hear when she would talk about nature – just naturally it came up in conversation – she would just talk about the fields where she was living and the wildlife and so on and so on. So I said, “I just want you to write to me about the wildlife, the nature, where you live, and I’d like you to send me that by email.” So she came back the next day and we counted on doing that. Now the first conversation was on a Thursday; by Sunday she actually emails me, and she’d never once been on this type of thing the way that I do it – I mean she’d worked with other practitioners and so on, but again, for decades she’d not had any moment. By the Sunday she’d emailed me and said, “Hemal, I’ve had all sorts of things happen the last few days. First of all”, she said, “I can actually start to read words and I’ve actually started reading a book which I haven’t been able to read for five years”, she said. And she also said, “I’m also finding that people are complimenting me. When I go into town people are saying nice things to me”, and again, if you think about what I got her to do, I got her to focus on things that felt good, which create a wonderful feeling within us, and also I got her to focus on things that she appreciates within herself. So she was putting out that vibe and people were picking up on it, so people could also see what was wonderful about her because she was in that same place herself. So that’s kind of how that started. But then what happened with that wasn’t, within a couple of weeks of us starting to work together, we were talking every week, within about two weeks she said to me, “Hemal, since I’ve been working with you for the last two weeks I’ve read three books and that’s three books more that I’ve read in the last five years and I feel good about my life.” And basically what happened is she was doing things she couldn’t do for decades, and now she’s learning courses and learning other things and she’s actually looking to work with clients herself using other therapeutic techniques she’s learning along the way. She’s just opened up her life and experiencing wonderful things just by getting into her flow and focusing on what’s good.

Teri Struck: Well that’s the thing. Now how do you help people focus on their vibrations? You talk so much about vibrations, and I get it, but how can you help our listeners get it?

Hemal Radia: Okay. So again, I would just say start with something that feels good. Now for many people what often happens is that they’re just habitually so used to if you want to use the sense of just self talk, critical of themselves or not kind to themselves. So you ought to sort of put that aside, and even if it’s just having a blank mind, a clear screen so to speak, and then just start to think about something that feels good. Maybe make a list of three or five things in your life that you appreciate. So it could be, whatever it may be – it could be your children, it could be a job, it could be your coach, it could be the fact that, you know, you have a beautiful garden or a certain flower in your garden. It’s just finding anything that you can appreciate, because you see it’s not about the thing that you write on the list, it’s about how you feel about it, it’s about the vibrations. So, you know, for example you could have a certain chair that you absolutely adore and feel wonderful sitting in and it feels great. For most people, you know, they’ll write things like children and pets and things that are of value to them, but it’s anything that gets you to feel a certain way. It could be a certain memory that you’ve got that when you think about it melts your heart or you soften or you smile. It’s just start to think about things that feel good. And think about another thing and another thing. And what some people is every night before they go to bed they write down ten things they appreciate in their life or in the morning they do that or twice a day. And again, that’s getting them to focus on the things that they appreciate. And then the other thing to do or not to do is don’t focus on what’s wrong. ‘Cause again, whatever you put your attention to, you magnify it; that’s it. Wherever you put your attention, that’s going to magnify. So be aware of where you’re putting your thoughts during the day; that’s the key thing. So many people might focus on good things, but then during the day their thoughts start to focus on what’s wrong and what could go wrong and they could get fearful and they’re kind of contradicting all of the good work they’re doing.

Teri Struck: Well what if it really is wrong? What if, what if…. One of the questions on your website I liked is how can you move through the pain of losing someone you love to be happy again? That’s one of the questions. And so that’s a feeling of you’re down in the dumps big time. So how do you start there when you’re in shock, like you said, and unhappy and all of those things?

Hemal Radia: Right. So it’s really about, I think the key thing that we’re getting overall here is that regardless of what’s happening around you it’s really about how you feel; that’s the key thing. So you said, I think the way you said it is….

Teri Struck: Right.

Hemal Radia: what about… I think the way you said it is what about when things are really wrong? But this is the thing: it’s about shifting your belief that everything, something has to always be wrong, something has to be wrong. It starts shifting that viewpoint to a viewpoint of, “No matter what’s happening around me I want to find something that’s kinder to me so that I can attract things.” ‘Cause this is the thing: if you believe that you’re really in a stuck problem that’s the vibration you’re offering and you’ll be in the stuck problem, and you’ll be there until you can move yourself out of it. So…

Teri Struck: Yeah, that’s good advice, very good.

Hemal Radia: ‘Cause that’s the thing, if you’re in a stuck situation and you’re saying things like, “Oh, this is just so bad and it’s going to get so worse, and this’ll happen or that’ll happen and it’s going to destroy me and what will this person thing”, and so on, and you’re magnifying that side of things and you notice how it feels, it’s making you feel even worse, which is the opposite direction into where you want to be going. So what we’re saying do the same thing but flipping it around to how you want things to be. ‘Cause you see, the fears that you’re projecting there, they’re not necessarily real at that point in terms of those things are not certain to happen. Those are you’re, you’re projecting certain fears at that moment in time. And it’s the same with you flipping it around and saying things like, “Well as bad as it is, I hope I can turn this around. I hope they can get better. Maybe life will be better than I think it might be. Maybe things will work out.” So you’re kind of doing the same thing, but the other way around. You’re using it to soften the emotion and feel better than to go the other direction. The other things I think it’s also individual in the sense that, you know, some people can be unkind to themselves and maybe they need to go through this to learn to be kinder to themselves. So, you know, we’re kind of telling them this is the way to do things, but sometimes people may not sort of believe it and they can try this and find out for themselves. Sometimes we experientially go through things; then we’re like “Hang on. I can’t keep doing this to myself. I need to be a bit kinder to myself”, so it’s about people finding this for themselves in a way that flows for them.

Teri Struck: I do have a friend that was complaining and complaining and writing me these emails about how bad everything was, and I just said, you know, “Perhaps you need to be more positive and put positive things out there and, you know, read The Secret” and all these kinds of things. And he wrote back that he gave me a link for some book that was the problem of the world as, you know, believing spiritually, blah, blah, blah. And I just wrote back, I said, “Well then you win.”

Hemal Radia: That’s right. I mean you use this thing, “Whatever you believe, you’re right.”

Teri Struck: Exactly.

Hemal Radia: Yeah. I mean I find that with some people where they really want to believe something. I mean I don’t actually experience that ‘cause I mean now when people come across me, I mean like on Facebook or Twitter, they know my vibe so they know what’s happening. And there are some people occasionally who come across me and they’ll want to get into a debate, and I’m not looking for a debate. So I’ll respond to them and I’ll say, “Well look, you know, you’re totally entitled to your views and so I am and I wish you all the best”, you know. And they say, “No, but you need to prove what you’re talking about.” I say, “No I don’t, you know. I’m happy with my views. You can have your views. I don’t want to debate them. You’re welcome to them. I’m happy with mine. It’s a free world and we’re all allowed to believe what we want and will in fact what we do believe anyway, so you’ll find the evidence for what you believe and so will I.”

Teri Struck: It is true that you do attract it and it does happen for you. But, you know, but even the most positive person can get into a bad place, and so what you’re saying is really good. You’re saying to write the positives down… Lets kind of recap what you’re saying today.

Hemal Radia: Okay. So and the other thing, you’re saying even the most positive person can get themselves into a situation, and this is the thing I’ll say is that, you know, this is what life is about. It’s about us having situations and growing and expanding and dealing with them. So it’s never being harsh on ourselves. And no matter who we are – whether we’re the most positive or the most negative – it’s okay. Whoever you are and wherever you’re at, it’s just about being kind to yourself and getting into a good flow. So to summarize, if you’re in a bit of a situation the first thing is try not to make it worse by focusing on what can go wrong and what can be even bigger, ‘cause again where you focus your attention, that’s in life is where you’re going to head more towards. So allow yourself not to do that. Soften the situation a bit; just say some statements or maybe write down some statements that feel a bit better to you than what’s happening. So for example, “I may have lost my job” or even “I may have been sacked, but you know, I want to turn this around and feel better about myself. I want to get something that will feel better. Maybe this was the right thing to happen”, and, you know, you may not necessarily believe all of these, but you’re just trying to say something that you connect with that will feel better for you and will feel the right thing. So you then soften the situation of where you’re at. You can keep softening yourself and getting to a better and better place or a more of a balanced place. Then what might happen is eventually you might get at peace with the situation. You may not necessarily be feeling totally brightened or alive, but you won’t be feeling so bad. You might be at more of a neutral place. So at that point you’ll have created space, ‘cause emotions take up time and energy within us, they take up a lot of energy. So once you’ve cleared those emotions just by softening where you’re at, you’ll have space to focus on emotions that feel better. So you can say to yourself things like, “Right, well what would I like with my life? So the next job that would come into my life, what would I like? How would I like it to be?” You know earlier when I said about when things go wrong and we tend to focus on what’s going to get worse? Well now when we’ve got this space to focus on what could get better, use the same tool to, or the same way to think about how you’d like things to be. So for example, “So right now I don’t have work but the next job I’d like, I’d like this there and I’d like to work in this location, I’d like to work with these sorts of people and the people I work with will be positive and inspiring and lovely and friendly, and my job will pay me this much. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?” and you’re allowing yourself to daydream just to feel good, and, you know, is that reality? No, not necessarily. Is it often the better vibration? Yes. And is that going to affect my, or can that affect my reality? Yes it can because you’re putting out better vibration and you’re allowing yourself to pull better things to you.

Teri Struck: Well Hemal, thank you so much. We’re running out of time, and I would love to have you back because I think that’s such good advice for people and to find their inner beauty and their inner strength and focus on the positive. And I think sometimes that’s just so simple what you’re saying. But I totally get it. And I hope that our listeners can get it. And you can go to personallifemedia.com and we are going to have all Hemal’s links, and you can find his great website and he’s going to be coming out with a book and we’re going to have him back. And thank you again for being with us. If you guys have any questions for me, please email me at [email protected]. If you’d like a transcript of today’s show, go to personallifemedia.com. And thank you so much Hemal for all your secrets, and we appreciate it.

Hemal Radia: My pleasure. Thank you for having me. It’s an absolute delight. Thank you very much.

Teri Struck: And we’ll have you back. Thanks so much.

Hemal Radia: Thank you. That would be a pleasure.