Episode 34: FOR THE BEST SEX EVER
FOR THE BEST SEX EVER with Gary Kehoe, Formulator of Sensual Enhancement Products for Men & Women, Entrepreneur Biologist, happily married for over 25 years and Personal "road tester" of all bedroom products with his significant other.
In this episode Gary, reveals the secrets from research on loveplay and lubrication conducted with over 200 women and men in chat rooms and in on-line groups across the country (as well as at home). Learn how to make an intimate moment better. Discover what has women of all ages become more open to sex and what time of the month is the best bet for passionate lovemaking. Empower pleasure with scientific information on the Progesterone/Estrogen cycle of women. Have more fun sharing getting wet & juicy.
Woman: This program is intended for mature audiences only.
Francesca Gentille: Welcome to “Sex - Tantra & Kama Sutra: Bringing you the soul of sex”. I'm your host, Francesca Gentille, and with me today is Gary Kehoe.
Gary Kehoe: I have to tell you, I actually love it and I thought it was just so funny. We tested out so many lines, and the one that finished tops may require the use of a younger man. What a guy really gets to know as a significant lover is he totally understands the cycle women go through and he could pinpoint the days when she’ll be most excitable and most fun quite frankly, and it's really about following progesterone levels in women.
Francesca Gentille: I did a very short infomercial with Gary and found him so fascinating that I wanted to have him for a whole half an hour because he's been doing research and chat groups and online testings for his products for sensuality for men and women. Gary’s been using his energy to formulate products and improve the lives of men and women for over 30 years. He's happily married for over 25 years, he's a food science biologist and marketer, whose wife is a chemist. They’ve got a couple of sons and they road test all their products in their very own bedroom, so we know that they're not only getting the field research, but they're making sure that what they do really works in their own experience. I wanted to get Gary’s frontline experience about what men and women say about sensuality in sensual products for us.
So welcome, Gary.
Gary Kehoe: Why, thank you, I appreciate you having me back and I as well enjoyed it the last time and looking forward to this.
Francesca Gentille: Me, too. Now, Gary, this little background about you is that there was an experience that you had with your wife was aging where you wanted some sensuality products, you wanted some lubricants and it wasn't working. This started you to a whole new direction and that you're here today to talk about it. Can you say a little bit more about how that little story?
Gary Kehoe: Yes, well, I was introduced to peri and postmenopausal issues. But yes, I'd noticed my wife’s beginning to change and I noticed that she wasn't as interested in making love and I noticed that she had some dryness issues. It seem like a wide open area there to try and do something and make a difference because something that I certainly needed. Looking at what was on the market today was mostly formulated for guys and guys’ pleasure, and I wanted to do something healthy for women and enjoyable for both of us.
So we got into the personal lubricant area and did it in a nice way with the ingredients that were actually extracted from ocean plant life to offer some other health benefits which we think are extremely important to women. But it's been fun and since then, we've continued to develop other products to improve the quality of life for both men and women, and it's been a lot of fun.
Francesca Gentille: I bet. I remember the story you told me about how, when you brought home some of the lubricants from the drugstore, from the grocery store, that your wife looked at the ingredients and she was like, “I'm not putting that in my body!”
Gary Kehoe: That’s exactly what she said, but I wanted to be nice to these other companies that sell products.
Francesca Gentille: Thank you. One of things that I imagine our listening audience is really interested in and I was so interested in when we're talking about it before was what you're finding out when you're doing the market research about how women think, and I'm imagining and also what men think about sensuality, about using sensual products. Tell me some of those secret tips from the frontline. What are women really saying? What are they really wanting? What are you hearing?
Gary Kehoe: We did a lot of focus group testing and we did focus group testing on different sets of women, different ages, different positions in their life, and so on and so forth. Actually, it was very different than what I've expected. Women, at any age, they were most interested for the best sex ever. They weren’t so much interested in hearing about agile and dryness even if they had an issue or menopause, those were all negative responses. So getting them to use something even though they have those issues, we had to take a very positive approach to it, very empowering approach to it and get a better understanding of what they're thinking. From a guy’s point of view, he’s thinking whether the woman is getting older, and so on and so forth.
The truth of the matter is there's things that you can do, there's things that can be done to get her past that stage of life that’s very difficult. I was most amazed that women, even before they make love, they want to very much relax and they want time to calm down. It can be very difficult to do during a busy work week. Where men, the men we talked to, are just the opposite. They felt that they couldn't relax and calm down until after they made love and then they feel calm and it's like “Oh, my God, this is not a good thing.”
But humor actually was what we used to link everything together, a very empowering humor. In fact, the older women were right on the borderline of what I refer to as “male bashing”. I have to tell you, I actually love it and I thought it was just so funny. We tested out so many lines, and the one that finished tops may require the use of a younger man.
Francesca Gentille: Well, I think you bring up a very good point is that really, regardless of the age of a woman, when you say that they favorite concept was for the best sex ever is that women are interested in sex, they do want great sex. They often say that women come in to their sexual power in their 30’s, in their 40’s, that they feel more like they can say what they want, they know their bodies more. But in some ways, they can also be a little bit more picky. What we're safe with this men and women is how can we get the information that we need about the other sex so that we can approach them in ways that are effective? What you just said was brilliant when you said that women want to relax and calm down and men calm down after they make love.
This is an invitation for our men that are listening to get the babysitter for the kid, get a housekeeper to help clean the house. Take her out to a beautiful hotel or a spa, help her feel like the house is taken cared of and she can actually relax. It's an invitation for our women to let our guys know that they find them dishy, that they like their butt or their legs or their phallus. That they actually are wanting sex because I think--you can tell me and know from your men—when a man knows that a woman wants him and that sex is actually on the menu, is that one other thing that can help him calm down.
Gary Kehoe: Absolutely, I can completely agree with you, absolutely. I think that if a woman or if a man truly understands, then it's a whole lot easier. I think it's extremely important that they spend some time to get to know each other. A lot of times, even a guy will think that maybe they don’t love them like they used to or there's not the fire or they think that because they're aging or whatever their reasons are, it's actually not true.
You are correct, one thing we learned that women are actually more comfortable as they got older, they knew what they wanted. Fortunately or unfortunately, there were a lot of divorce women as well that are in their 30’s and 40’s and 50’s that are happy with themselves. They know what they want and they're not going to take [xx] anything that’s not what they're looking for and they're getting pleasure from it. So it's important that the guys understand that as well.
Then the minor discomforts and things that come with menopause, that’s where things like carrageenan helped out because a woman can be a 100 % of what she was or better. Then, it's even better when they're in their 50’s or 60’s when they no longer have to worry about pregnancy and so on and so forth, that actually it's even nicer.
Francesca Gentille: I think regardless of the age, but especially through age, a nice lubricant that isn’t going to cause yeast infection and isn’t going to get too sticky is going to be helpful. I've actually started giving some of these away to my friends. I've a woman, she's in her 50’s and she reconnected with her beloved from high school and she said that they're loving the lubricant and having the time of their lives.
But when would you say, and from your focus groups and things, is the right time to bring up that there is a lubricant? On the first date, do you say, “Honey, I want you to not only have condoms but I have a great lubricant.” When is that easeful way or playfully or whatever to bring in the whole lubricant issue?
Gary Kehoe: Actually, that was one of the things we struggle over or even marketing the product and we chose to position this as making intimate moment better, not that there is an issue or a problem but why not even make it better. In the formulation, make it very natural so that it feels like the real thing. Mother Nature did a phenomenal job of making the absolute best lubricant. So, why try and change that with silicones and other chemicals? Try and make it exactly the way it was meant to be. There's a billion years that went into that original formulation. Keep it as natural as possible and keep it so it feels as natural as possible.
That’s when we found the most successful effect and we tested it for [xx] and stickiness and viscosity and pH, we wanted it to be as identical as possible. In fact, we have a website called CloseToNature.com [sp] because that was our mission was to make it closest to nature. I think people appreciate that. All in all, they may experiment with synthetic-made lubricants or products, but overall, they’ll come back to the natural. They’ll figure out that in fact what we have and the natural approach is by far the best and certainly the ones that you'll continue to stick with over the years.
Francesca Gentille: Gary, I wanted to talk more, after we come back from a break and a word from our equally fabulous sponsors, who just really help shows like this get out into the world and talk more about how to make an intimate moment even better. Some of the things about the mood maybe that women want, a little bit more about how and when to use the lubricant? Is it just for intercourse? Is it also for digital touching, all those kinds of things.
After we come back from a word from our sponsors.
Francesca Gentille: Welcome back to “Sex - Tantra & Kama Sutra: Bringing you the soul of sex”. We're talking to Gary Kehoe who uses his energy to formulate products that improve the life and sex life of men and women who created wonderful, sensual products for us and has been doing a lot of testing with women and men and hearing the intimate and goody [sp] details of what they like and how they like it.
And we're talking a little bit about when can we use these sensual products especially lubricants. Did you find out, is that something that women care about? Do they appreciate it or man is interested in their lubrication or wants to contribute or has something for that?
Gary Kehoe: Absolutely, in fact, one of our taglines under Carrageenan, in fact, [xx] to this is “Love with care”, and it's very important. Women wanted men to actually care about it. It wasn't just a toy, it was something that’s very intimate to them and very important to them. It's actually fantastic and a lot of fun for--as part of the prelude before making love for a guy to actually very gently and massage it in and it's just fun. It feels very nice and it's very enjoyable. There's nothing more than that wet [xx] feeling on a woman for a man. I know for a woman, the less friction and the smoother and the softer, obviously the more excited she gets as well, so it's a win-win for both sides. It had that extra layer of anticipation and it's so fun. The nice thing about Carrageenan is it's so natural that you wouldn’t even know when you've done that you put something there and it just feels so real.
Francesca Gentille: Yes, I love that and I love that sense of anticipation--the clitoris can be very, very sensitive for women. More sensitive, it has something like 10,000 nerve endings, it has more nerve endings than any part of the male or female body. Although that’s good, it can sometimes get overly sensitized, so that having that little--like you said--having a man put that in his hand and gently maybe teasingly start to circle her clitoris or caress her vulva could just be very, very exciting for both of them.
For women, I think that there's nothing a man appreciates more than a woman who appreciates her own body, her own sensuality. So a woman can certainly have it by the bedside table or in her purse and take a little on her own hand and caress her own vulva. I don’t think there's any man in the world who’s going to get bored watching a woman caress her vulva and appreciate her own arousal.
Gary Kehoe: No, and most men don’t have gentle in their vocabulary, and no matter how soft they think they are, they aren’t actually as soft as a woman would like.
Francesca Gentille: That’s what you heard, too, is that they can get softer and softer later.
Gary Kehoe: Yes, we actually made fun of it. You've had enough friction in your relationship [xx], you don’t need it when you're getting ready to make love. It's unintentionally, a guy [xx] for a man, most men are just not as affectionate and slow to think as they should be.
Francesca Gentille: Well, I think that because their body is different, too. I think the sensitivity level is that often men will like a stronger touch on their phallus.
Gary Kehoe: Yes, absolutely.
Francesca Gentille: If a woman has her hand around his phallus or her mouth, he likes a great sense of sex or a sense of friction. Even a known beloved in the past would want to be even pinched or clawed. They really like something very tough, and although some women like something strong on parts of their body, most women would want, especially the start, before they're really aroused.
Gary Kehoe: Absolutely.
Francesca Gentille: They want a very light touch like almost--can you give us an example of how lightly you might want to touch something? How, as an example of touching something, can you explain it to men? How light is it?
Gary Kehoe: Actually, it's so light you can't barely feel your fingers touching, that’s how light it is. In fact, when you can feel your finger touching, typically you've gone maybe too far because men’s hands are typically more callous and women understands. They don’t have that sensitivity that a woman and has with their hands.
I agree with you, it's also nice to start and use a tiny bit of lubricant on a woman’s nipples and breasts so that she gets even further aroused. Then spend time just doing a nice, slow circles around her stomach and so on so that she has a chance to relax and anticipate herself. Women should take it as compliment when guys just want to rush things because it typically means that they're so excited that they just can't wait. We're basically large children, [xx] kids and guys are just big boys. But in any case, unfortunately, guys got to learn to slow down a little bit as well, and as women get older, they got to learn a lot of even more.
Francesca Gentille: That’s a great point, and I love that when you said that really, really light touch almost to a point where she might not even feel it on her. She's going to feel it on her clitoris but he might not feel it on his fingers. But when you said that, there was a part of me that like “Oh, that sounds really good!” I was responding to your talking like that and I think it's such a great image for men to be that light.
Now, is there something that a man could use in oral sex as well?
Gary Kehoe: Sure. Absolutely.
Francesca Gentille: But, it's not going to be toxic.
Gary Kehoe: No, Carrageenan is 100% safe, actually it's edible. Everything in it is recognized as safe, so that’s not an issue, and it's not scented or flavored. Again, it's very natural. Women also have the opportunity and a lot of women use Carrageenan. We've gotten letters, they don’t even want a guy sometimes to know they're using it, which is actually as well fun for a man, because he thinks, “Oh, my God! I've gotten this woman so aroused!” A lot of times, a guy, if he doesn’t get a woman wet and really aroused, he doesn’t think that the woman really likes him or enjoys him even though she may love him to death. But he sees this as, “Oh, my God! I'm just not getting her excited like I used to.” Whereas, if they do use it discreetly, the guy thinks, “Wow! This is really fantastic! I've finally have pleased her” and he feels really good. When he's relaxed, he's even more relaxed and just things are better.
Francesca Gentille: You actually bring out a good point, and reveal one of my own personal little secrets is that I actually do do that. For women, whether we're younger, older, premenopausal, postmenopausal, there are cycles of the month that we still lubricate easier than others. Women, as we tuned in to our own bodies which I highly recommend to all of our women who are listening and as well as our men to learn to tune in to our own bodies as well as these little signs of our beloved. When I know that I'm a little drier or that I might be on the edge of maybe a yeast infection or something like that where a lot of friction might put me over the edge, I will definitely use a lubricant in the morning when I get up, use a lubricant because I know that we're going to be making love, I use a lubricant and brush my teeth before I get back in bed.
Gary Kehoe: When a guy really gets to know is significant lubricant, he totally understands the cycle women go through and he could pinpoint the days when she’ll be most excitable and most fun, quite frankly. It's really about falling progesterone levels in women, I don’t want to get into the biology of it but…
Francesca Gentille: Let's get into the biology after we come back from a break--this is so fun--and a word from our sponsors.
Gary Kehoe: OK.
Francesca Gentille: Welcome back to “Sex - Tantra & Kama Sutra: Bringing you the soul of sex”. We're talking with Gary Kehoe who he and his wife actually came up with some wonderful sensual products and sensual lubricants out of their own life. I found Gary so fun and delightful to talk to, and another circumstance that I wanted to bring him and this information to you because part of the soul of sex is really understanding our partners and our own pleasure and their pleasure. We were talking about the progesterone cycle in women and how can it help men and women to know what that is. What is it?
Gary Kehoe: Well, yes, if you don’t mind me speaking as though I were a biologist. Yes, as you know, after your mens cycle ends, progesterone levels begin to climb and they climb right about to a peak when you start to ovulate. Then, the ovulation about four or five days, a week before your next mens cycle, the progesterone that your body produces drops off very drastically, and that’s when women typically complain that they're feeling depressed or what we refer to sometimes as PMS and it's not a good time to be having sex actually.
But what we've found and what I had always done was followed it very carefully, so when her mens cycle is over, I made sure that I took full advantage of those next 10 days or so because things are usually phenomenal then. Then I kind of relax a little bit and sort of understood that she's not going to be as receptive, not because she doesn’t love me and that she doesn’t care, but because it's just a physiological thing and it is what it is. I get frustrated because that will only cause more problems.
Francesca Gentille: When we say the mens cycle, in the common parlance, we would say a woman’s period or menstruation. So once she’s actually started bleeding, that’s when her progesterone drops. Right before that, PMS cycles, some women it drops significantly a few days before. Now, in some women, actually they’ll have a peak right before their period, maybe a few days before, maybe it drops again.
One of my friends, that he felt totally out of control was when he had sex with his wife that he try to seduce her and do this and do that and it never worked. Then he said, just out of nowhere, twice a month, she would just throw him down on the bed and make love with him and he felt so out of control. I said, “Well, could it possibly be following this cycle, where she's going to have this peak somewhere about 10-14 days after her period starts and again, right before her period. Then finally, he could feel, like you said, relax into it.
Gary Kehoe: Absolutely. Francesca, we actually have developed the product. We’re actually launching February, and I don’t think I've ever mentioned to you, called “Internal Harmony” and actually that’s what it's about. It has extracts from plants, there's about eight extracts in there where there are extracts from wild gum which actually has a natural progesterone effect and some phytoestrogens as well. It's really for that reason is to try and flatten that line out a little bit so that when women, as they get older or they have real problems with PMS, things aren’t quite as drastic as swings to that it's not so bad for them.
So what do we say, our tagline is “Live life in balance; happy hormones are beautiful thing”. But because it is very real, and unfortunately, there's nothing that a woman can do, I know it's frustrating for a woman and it's frustrating for a guy. I saw it with my own life, it's like, “Maybe I should sit down and write a book about “I Survived Menopause” basically. Sometimes it's as bad as it was and I used to think, “God, what about us, guys?! We're really getting abused here. I really don’t feel like I've changed that much, and yet, everything has changed in our relationship.” But once you get through that and you understand it, would it's been a good thing and it's a fun thing afterwards.
Francesca Gentille: So you can explore more, experiment more.
Gary Kehoe: Yes, it's actually been a very good thing. For my wife, I didn’t realize that she had irritation and even going into, as she reached her 40’s, estrogen levels start to drop and there's some thinning of the vaginal walls and she started suffering from some irritations and some times, maybe pain. Of course, I didn’t realize it and most women don’t want to say anything because it's a personal thing to them. So, there was a tremendous difference I noticed when we started using them, the Carrageenan. It was just so much more comfortable for her, so much more fun because she could relax more and she knows it's not going to hurt her and it's not irritating.
It was a fantastic thing and it's just fun, it's just fun. People, if you don’t have an issue, it's fun because it's erotic and it just feels great. It's a silky sensational kind of feeling, and as you get older, you just start using it more frequently because you realize it's not just fun, it's something that actually solves the problem. It's great for an issue.
Francesca Gentille: And I would say to both the men and women who are listening, for our women listeners, we've been trained it's the curse, don’t talk about aging, don’t talk about your menstruation. We need to talk about it and we need to let our men know “This is the time of the month where I'm going to be feeling very irritated and it's not about you. Or, this is the time of the month where I don’t have as much lubrication and let's make sure that to play with some of the other lubricants. Or, this is the time of the month where I normally want things to go a little slower.”
I find that my vulva has moods depending on the time of the month. The time of the month I think is right when that progesterone peaks about 10-14 days and right before my period. I want something more [xx], more resting, maybe a little more primal. That times of the month where my estrogen progesterone levels are different, I want something very slow, I want it very gentle, and my beloved is not a mind reader. He's not going to be able to figure this out for me, women. Men are not trying to ruin, are they? They want to please us, but we need to give you, guys, the clues and not hide these from you.
Gary Kehoe: No, absolutely not.
Francesca Gentille: For men, really I would encourage our male listeners to be supportive and to let our women know, I really want to know, because I think women are afraid to tell men. We're afraid that you're going to look down on us if we say, “Oh, I'm getting ready for my period.” If I say, “I'm going to starting perimenopause.” We're afraid that now, we're going to be marginalized or rejected. So I want to let our male listeners know to really support us to reveal our most intimate erotic selves to you so we can, as your tagline says, something that affects us.
Gary Kehoe: Exactly. I just going to say I couldn't agree with you more. Women are actually a lot more predictable than you think. If you understand physiological what they go through, and if a guy could even understand, if he thought about the most stressful worst day he had at work or had problems with the boss, or if somebody put a subpoena on his friend’s steps, I mean that’s basically what a woman feels when her hormone levels just drop. You can imagine that’s not the time when you, as a guy, would want to have sex, you certainly got to understand it's not the time when a woman will. But there's going to be so many great times that you just try not to think about those days or month or that week and just focus on all the great stuff.
Francesca Gentille: OK, I want to thank you so much for joining us today and really giving us really the tools that we need to understand one another, male and female, and to bring more connection and pleasure to our intimate life.
Gary Kehoe: You're welcome, and I appreciate having the opportunity and it's just been fun. Right now, Cecille and I both are having fun formulating and try to keep us young forever, that’s kind of the way we look at it. You’ll see some of our tagging, we call it “Defy maturity”, it's our rebellious way of saying, “We don’t want to grow old, we want to be 28 for the rest of our lives.”
Francesca Gentille: Awesome. I guess we can talk forever but we need to say goodbye for now, and I wanted to thank our listening audience for tuning in with us today. If you want to know more about this show, get the transcripts, find out more about various products of this company, you can find it at www.PersonalLifeMedia.com .
Gary Kehoe: Fantastic. And Francesca, if they do visit our website and they put in Tantra under the promotional code, they get a 20% discount and free shipping. Thank you, I appreciate it.
Francesca Gentille: Bye.
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