Episode 56 - EARLY EJACULATION & THE FULL BODY ERECTION with Mare Simone

Transcript

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Francesca Gentille: Welcome to Sex, Tantra and Kama Sutra, bringing you the soul of sex. I’m your host Francesca Gentille and with me today is Mare Simone. Mare is an amazing woman, radiant, flowing, dark hair, brilliant eyes and she’s also a Certified Tantra Educator, certified in both eastern and western schools of sexology combining a fusion, something she’s created herself that is both ancient and contemporary and makes it very, very potent. She works with couples and individuals all over the world. She was -- and featured in very much the Surrogates Guide to Great Sex video and has developed something very special that is a Chakra Contact Massage, debts or so much that we could talk about with Mare but there are something very special we’re going to go into around the fellas today.

Mare Simone: Relationships kind of go in spirals, in fact each time we go around that spiral, the circle gets bigger and the space that can encompass the love that we feel with one another embraces yet another fear or another layer, something that were sheltering or holding back somehow lover. Eventually we, you know created much larger space, much bigger room for love to fill. The higher active of sexuality is really a union of spirit, it’s when two bodies come together and disclose, unveil their physical, you know external clothing that the shields that we wear to protect this side of world, but there is also this other parting of curtains you might say that open up a deeper dimension of intimacy and connection that often times doesn’t fully open to the point where we can really embark on the deeper levels of sexuality together. And -- I really want to bring up that I think it’s really, really key to man who ejaculate sooner than they and/or their partners want them to, it’s the upside of that means that a man is really receptive and sensitive and capable of feeling a lot of pleasure but when a man takes on this deep reading that we’re talking I strongly believe that sexuality and orgasmic waves are the most revitalizing energy that we can tap into, it’s like a very potent tonic of rejuvenating life was.

Francesca Gentille: And I just want to say welcome Mare.

Mare Simone: Thank you, I’m happy to be here.

Francesca Gentille: I’m happy to have you here. And, when Mare I were talking there’s always this show before the show, we were -- we, let me say what -- what’s going to be just so delicious to bring to the listening audience and she’s so doubtful, what we began to feel was to focus with about the fellas, about the lingam, the penis, the viscera called different names and different cultures. And that sometimes the male genitalia is there’s ways that its energy is blocked or the ways that it’s not able to flow and -- and the way that a man would like or his lover would like and in the critical terms we might called that early ejaculation or premature ejaculation or we might say erectile dysfunction. But I have a sense Mare that in your training you’re looking at something deeper than that, the emotional nature of it, the energetic nature of it and -- how do you talk about those things and, and from your wide, wide experience, what would you say to support a man and his lover in bringing back the full connection?

Mare Simone: Well Francesca, the first thing I’d like to say is that a man wants his fellas, it’s like a barometer and it measures what’s taking place both inside his own person and his emotional state as well as -- also what’s taking place with his partner and so sometimes when it doesn’t respond the way he would like to in his intellectual mind, there’s something deeper inside the emotional body that needs to be looked at, what is his feeling emotionally, is he comfortable or is he nervous or is he feeling some anxiety, is there something that needs to be looked at that is preventing this natural flow of arousal to take place and the most ---

Francesca Gentille: Can I just stop you?

Mare Simone: Yes.

Francesca Gentille: Just one second, I love what you said. I just want to point that out, she just said something brilliant, a natural flow of arousal. That -- when, where, relax, uncomfortable with someone that we care about and feel if attractive to us, it would be natural to have this flow of arousals.

Mare Simone: Right.

Francesca Gentille: And I love that you said that and what you’re pointing to is that that in a sense of be intuitive fellas, did the fellas has communication?

Mare Simone: Miss, we’ll tune that one.

Francesca Gentille: Yes, pointing the one and that one here, and when you say emotional body, you know I think of myself is having a physical body, what’s an emotional body?

Mare Simone: That’s the part that isn’t visible in flesh but it’s what moves the flesh, it’s what makes us respond to one another, both responsively and in open way or contracting in restrictive way depending on what we’re feeling emotionally is what we’re able to experience in our bodies, so it’s like the body is like the volume control I mean the emotional body is the volume control to the physical body.

Francesca Gentille: That’s -- it’s an interest thing to say so if I’m -- if I’m normal I can feel something.

Mare Simone: Um-hm.

Francesca Gentille: It’s a sign that my -- something in my emotional body system is maybe protecting me, it’s what ---

Mare Simone: Right.

Francesca Gentille: --- what’s the message when I -- I think of erectile dysfunction and as a woman I would -- I think clinically I’ll just called an orgasmic, if I don’t -- if I can’t feel in my vulva and I’m just feeling numb and I’m -- and I think men feel the same way sometime when they’re having, they can’t get the erection that they like or maintain it the way that they like.

Mare Simone: Um-hm.

Francesca Gentille: What -- what is that telling me -- I’ve heard that I’ve said numbness that’s when I’m not feeling anything.

Mare Simone: Thank you for admitting that, I think we all have, I certainly have two at times, sometimes it’s just the matter of not knowing a partner very well and feeling a little concern about sexual health and safety. And that inhabits the flow of pleasure and that’s an important one to address, of course especially in the beginning of relationship. It could also be especially with people who have very busy and conflicting lives to be in emotional constriction either that they bring home with them some work or that is an unresolved argument that they had a few days ago, it still sort of lingering in their emotional body that needs to be clear before there is room and love, you know, room and space, the love to flow through their bodies. So, you know it’s really a matter of checking in and so I often recommended that when a couple are coming together with the intention to make love that spontaneity as a beautiful thing but it’s also nice and important to set a tone by creating an environment in emotionally safe environment, so whatever it needs to be said to come to the surface and be express so, if one partner wants to make love and the other one is stealing some reservation or limitation that is preventing them from being wholeheartedly you know eager and gung ho to go for it, then the couple needs to look into each other’s eyes and check in and see what’s present and see what blocking or see what needs to be communicated so that they can go to the next level of intimacy.

Francesca Gentille: And I’m going to slow us down there because that is huge, you just pointed to something so huge and I’m going to breed that in myself.

Mare Simone: Yes.

Francesca Gentille: That the check in sounds so simple but you know sometime when I look into someone’s eyes they can feel very overwhelming and you know if I’ve had an argument sometimes, you know I’ve said to my partner later I don’t want to look in your eyes because the moment I look in your eyes, I melt and then I -- I forget that I’m angry and sometimes the angry is there as a boundary, you know it’s a limit or a boundary that I need to advocate for. And so looking in the eyes, you know sometimes I’m afraid I’m going to see rejection, it sounds so simple but it can be challenging and so to be tender and slow about that moment of looking in the eyes and breathing and, and the courage you mean I don’t know about you but it takes me a lot occurred sometimes to admit that something is not working or that I’m angry or that I’m scared ---

Mare Simone: Right.

Francesca Gentille: --- I almost, I hate to say as sometimes I almost, you know pardon me almost prefers to like can I just numb out and get through it because I don’t want to have to, you know gets so vulnerable and yet on the other side of the vulnerability I had a situation with a beloved where we had a great sex I can certainly -- he was not able to maintain his erection, get or maintain his erection and I have an intuition and I said sweetheart, I am guessing that something, there are something that you haven’t told me and something that’s spilling -- feeling upsetting or disconnecting to you.

Mare Simone: Right.

Francesca Gentille: And, you know it -- to be -- it took a lot of gentleness and eventually he said and just waiting being very patience and in a loving way and he eventually said that there was something that I had done that, you know I maybe thought was minor but if he had broken his trust towards me and his fellas was saying I don’t trust her now.

Mare Simone: Right.

Francesca Gentille: And then after, by saying I’m not going to show up and after we, you know had the discussion and we’re able to come back to a place of harmony then his -- his fellas could become engorged again, he could have pleasure again but when I say tender, you know there were tears involved and it’s -- I think it takes courage, what do you think?

Mare Simone: That’s a pleasure that you share that I think that wow, how much closer you can become when you go through one of those layers because not only does it bring back the trust that got lost in the contusion of conversation or whatever that incident was but it also in still a deeper trust in one zone barometer that and for you I’m sure by being able to communicate and verbally resolve this issue and come to a place where you could meet again and perhaps, even meet at a deeper level, brings you to a point where you discover that relationship is kind of go in spirals and they, you know each time we go around that spiral, the circle gets bigger and the space that can encompass the love that we feel with one another embraces yet another fear or another layer, you know something that were sheltering or holding back somehow lover. So, eventually, we you know created much larger space, much bigger room for love to fill, which you know brings to my feminist story where I was once with a partner, we had very different schedules and when he would wake up I would be very tired and when he was ready for bed I was ready to go, you know, and sometimes that was a great conflict for us because I would love to connect in night time and that wasn’t usually a time for him or he would need a nap before he could connect with me. And before I really understood that I was making myself wrong because I thought well, he is tired and he doesn’t care about me anymore, he’s not you know, desiring me, he’s just falling asleep and so I start to going into my whole pattern of not feeling loveable and desired, which then made me can attractive while he was sleeping I was feeling frustrated and angry and just making up stories in my head. So, we had this moment of resolve when he will got up and I was ready to go to sleep because I was bored being avoid. I just said to me now why you were sleeping I was telling myself that I’m not attractive to you anymore and that you don’t desire me anymore and I was feeling really badly about this. And by being vulnerable and sharing those feelings with him it brought us to such an emotionally deep and profoundly beautiful place that when we connected from that place, when you resolved and cleared with me that that was not the issue for him and I really got it, I felt it so his kisses were kissing the most tender and cherry sweet soft part of me and that brought for the most blooming orgasm that came from the depths of me. To the point well, we couldn’t sleep later on that night, we’re up the whole night. You sleep as if when the love gets strong.

Francesca Gentille: I love that story and I love that when you share you said I was thinking in my head that I wasn’t attractive you -- instead of saying you’re making me that so attractive, attractive like every time you don’t make love to me I feel so unattractive, which would have blamed him and probably distance the two of you, I just love that you said, you know part of me was just feeling it must be that I’m unattractive then you acts very suddenly on that.

Mare Simone: Yes.

Francesca Gentille: And gave him this space again, you -- you mention the spaciousness of love give him mistake to say to you that’s not it and then you went deeper. I want to talk more after, so it’s so fast that after break and also our sponsors about how we continue to support the space that creates blood flow in our genitals and high arousals.

Mare Simone: Right.

Francesca Gentille: After we come back from a break and a words from our fabulous sponsors hands pick we’ve got some new ones that are great as we had into the holiday season and when -- you can please type in the word “Tantra” and receive wonderful discounts, in some cases up to 50 percent and we’ll be back in just a moment.

Francesca Gentille: Welcome back to Sex, Tantra and Kama Sutra bringing you the soul of sex with Mare Simone, I love your name, Certified Tantra Educator, certified in eastern and western schools of sexology who works with couples and individuals all over the world for enhancing their intimacy and we are talking about the fellas, the beautiful fellas and how energy gets clot, how to help energy flow, how to have a vibrant erection that the man can choose how and when and how much and -- and we’re talking about the craziest vulnerability that it takes to admit things or to ask questions that allows the variant into the fellas to then show up in his glory, in its full glory. What are some ways that you know this takes practice that we can help support one another of our woman who are listening, they can help support our men maybe something to say or offer and for a men who are listening that they can maybe, something that they can share or offer that will help them begin a love-making session especially if they’re noticing that -- let’s say their -- the fellas is sleeping, the secret one is saying no, not yet.

Mare Simone: Yes that sleeping serpent. Well I think that the higher active of sexuality is really a union of spirit, it’s when two bodies come together and not only they disclose unveil their physical, you know external clothing that the shields that we wear to protect this side of world and become naked with each other physically but there is also this other parting of curtains you might say that open up a deeper dimension of intimacy and connection that often times doesn’t fully open or doesn’t open for both people to the point where we can really embark on the deeper levels of sexuality together. So, I’d like to start with a little ritual, it doesn’t have to be anything out of the ordinary extreme but just a moment, just set a tone to light a candle that makes a statement to an intention that fills the room with light and that intention could be something like I welcome in all the loves and all the guidance that can enable us to fill the most love that we want to share tonight. Or something that you know maybe a dress and issue that you want to resolve a release maybe lighting the candle can be a symbolic statement that says let this light fill the room with our loves and anything that distracts our love may had stay outside of the room until we’re ready to do it that and something like that but just kind of distinguishes, this is our time and this is our space and every time you feel that flicker of the candle glow in the background it suddenly reminds you what this connection can and is intended to be. So that’s a really beautiful starting point and -- and maybe just to take a moment, to set intentions with one another, looking into each others eyes, facing each other and just saying I really want to share my debts of love with you and even move to a layer up here that I’m feeling right now or address whatever is coming up. I think it’s easier sometimes a women to be that vulnerable than it is from men. So maybe role model that to one another. I know a lot of times men feel insecure or you know wonder and -- and how that anxiety and hope and -- and also fear about their fellas because it is kind of a mysterious in magical one and it’s not always predictable, right. So sometimes it doesn’t always feel what we think we wanted to and so that can cause a great deal of anxieties for men and I like to encourage them to discuss that, to bring it to the surface rather than feel like they have to hold that fear on their own and ---

Francesca Gentille: It’s amazing. Isn’t it amazing when we actually say something that it really often it will release blocks and bring greater intimacy I was very -- out of short this morning with my beloved and I just wanted to go back to that and like not talk and it really avoid him and when he said you know what, what’s there for you and I -- I was afraid to say but I started to say the different things, we’re now actually much closer and it -- I didn’t feel like I had to just go to bed and tune out. So, yes it’s -- it’s a little challenging but when we do it suddenly often connection is there.

Mare Simone: Right. We’re not alone and we’re really here to connect with each other and so even our fear shouldn’t be kept separate and private from each other, this is an intimacy experience, it’s about sharing everything and everything that comes up that’s unlike the love that we want to experiences, what we need to go to and get to the levels.

Francesca Gentille: I want that, I love that -- I love that you said that, that is all part of the journey of love, it is even the uncomfortable part, it’s a normalizing that we all have that day, that moment, we have fears, male and female be worry about our body or genitals, male and female, we’re worry about are you “performing” appropriately or giving our partner the kind of sex that they want to receive, male and female and when we deepened into that compassion that we’re both nervous.

Mare Simone: Right.

Francesca Gentille: We’re both nervous, we’re both insecure. There’s a bridge that starts to happen.

Mare Simone: Right, because say bigger than -- so it’s supposed to be and so we’re not suppose to know everything and be under -- have it under our control all the time because then it gets boring because again how much can you really comprehend of this best and infinite capacity for pleasure, it’s limited by your mind and so if we think we understands it all what we’ve really doing is reducing the experience so something that’s comprehensible to our limit itself rather than taking us out into the unknown, which is much ---

Francesca Gentille: Which would be our motions, our motion and would be ---

Mare Simone: Yes.

Francesca Gentille: --- unknown about what is this emotion going to do to or my sex life but it might do something really amazing once I reveal it, I love that and you know I wanted to make this segment just a little bit sure as we kept longer juice here at the back and so to speak, because one of the issues I want -- I still want to hear your insides on is the other end of the spectrum which is the fellas, the penis, the one is hard but there is maybe an early ejaculation, earlier than my lover and I feel comfortable with. My lover had ejaculated so how do we, how do we handle that and -- and let’s come back after -- there’s a very short segment so that we can no longer be interjects us, after break and the word from our fabulous sponsors.

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Francesca Gentille: Welcome back to Sex, Tantra and Kama Sutra, bringing you the soul of sex with Mare Simone, the fabulous Mare Simone giving us wonderful information as she does is a Certified Tantra Educator and Sexologist and I wanted to ask you Mare the -- this other end of the early ejaculation, I worked with some couples where sometimes I haven’t had sex, you know “this kind of sex they want a long time or maybe they had sexual issue” so whatever and now there is a tendency the erection is there, you know, finally there and then there is a sense of urgency to get in and semen comes very quickly.

Mare Simone: Right.

Francesca Gentille: And, what -- in your experience what is that and how can we support the couples who have a longer time period in their sexuality?

Mare Simone: First of all, I want to say that that’s not uncommon circumstance, it happens a lot more than people when admit and so, part of it is that most men keep it into themselves as they don’t like to talk about it and so may not feel like that them as alone and this dreaded state of coming sooner than they’d like to, one of the things I often find like you mention that if they haven’t had sexual contacts in a while depending on a reason for that sometimes that feeling of anxiousness and hoping that they get it right because let’s face it it’s got to be challenging and difficult for a men who kind of only gets one opportunity, you know we get one shot further speak, before the ejaculation occurs and I’ve often wondered why they call it coming because you know for most men it’s not coming at all it’s going, it’s you know that’s the end and then there is this great disappointment until the next wave come, which depending on a man, age and physical health, you know inject anywhere from minutes to hours or days and so that puts a lot of pressure in a man right from the get go and that’s really unfortunate, if a man doesn’t understand how he can ride the wave of pleasure and how multiple pleasurable experiences, orgasmic waves upon one another without ejaculating and that takes some training. But first ---

Francesca Gentille: What kind of training people will go there -- I am sure you give that training and in for, so there’s Mare for that training and in general people are all over the country they could always invite you there, but what they want to look for at Google is they wanted to get that kind of training that really helps them expand their sensuality and pleasure and be able to take longer, what would they maybe search for online?

Mare Simone: Well, I am writing a lot about that right now that’s the topic of my book, I actually feel that this is something that I have been working with the most and have a great understanding of at least a prospective that’s different from and having study western sexology, I know how they treated in the western psychology world, which is that the average down there for man is maybe 10-15 minutes say most 20 minutes just considered a good time allowed for sexual intercourse and so most people that’s probably had to quit I don’t know if that really enables a women to reach her full capacity, it depends on the women. But I would say that you know there is many, many schools of tantra that teach various approaches. One that I think is most advantageous and the simplest which doesn’t require too much distancing between partners is when a man can learn to relax and let his softer side come forth so it doesn’t matter if he maintains an erection the whole time, it’s really OK if he gets a little bit soft because that means that there is an emotion coming through that needs to come to surface, which will probably make him harder as result of letting that feeling come up. To realize that it’s not just a man in his own power trying to experience and express his love and keep this erection on his own but it’s -- it’s a dance, it’s a give and take and sometimes ---

Francesca Gentille: Those are two such brilliant things, you know one is that it’s not just a man’s job to keep and maintain an erection that if I’m his beloved, you know we can play with this together, there are things that I can do whether it’s squeezing my vulva whether it’s breathing and looking into his eyes, caress his buttock, you know there’s things that I can do various – squeezing his nipple that might help, you know and then also slowing things down that I can, you know maybe stop or not rock my hips as much or you know and that we can, it’s our arousal, I love that you brought that up and then the other thing about the softness, we’ll share a secret, I believe you share this with me Mare, is that -- if you think of a vulva as just portal of my pleasure, so my vulva is my pleasure and so different types of touch, pardon me, different types of experiences inside my vulva are going to give me a delicious variety, so when there is a softer fellas, sometimes that actually feel very erotic, it’s the whole different sense of a feeling that I might really enjoy as something different that I don’t know we, you know there are different sensations left experiment. Have you experience that as well that sometimes the soft fellas with a growing fellas inside you, is actually quite delicious?

Mare Simone: Yes, and I’m getting a picture to speak about that but this is an energy that we exchange between us it’s like a level of water that you know flows back and forth and when it’s stronger on the men that he becomes the more dominant force and he can take lead or take charge but when his strength is not as strong maybe he’s feeling a little vulnerably tender or his erection isn’t really hard what’s really happening here is just an opportunity for women to take a position of more power and this could be giving him a little guidance and showing him things that are particularly pleasurable for her, which are necessarily always deep hard [xx] or could be simple palpations of the genitals causing little tipples in wave of pleasure sensation back and forth, which plug both people into a really sensitive settle exchange of energy and from that place something enormous can emerged, which is even greater than all that friction action that appears on a man is really hard and strong. So yes, it can invite in a deep range of settle sensations that open up a much wider emotional connection and even special connection.

Francesca Gentille: I do, I want to breathe that and I do a lot of breathing in this.

Mare Simone: Yes, it’s great.

Francesca Gentille: Because of the tantra and because of the Tanta, because of the [xx] I discovered that breathing actually brings pleasure to my genitals and helps me feel more in my whole body and I want to receive what you said that that beautiful sense of the salty of it and the different level of possibility aside from just the, you know the deeper the fast and -- oh that’s so beautiful and also very early ejaculation what I’m hearing in what you’re saying is that if -- if we go that slower, if we allow for you know that we don’t have to perform and that you know, an erection can get a little bit softer and it might get harder again then there is a sense of yes, we can slow down, we don’t have to worry as much about you know, let’s get in and go over really quickly because I don’t know if the erection maybe going to be lost or, you know ---

Mare Simone: Yes.

Francesca Gentille: --- or I don’t know if I’m going to get it again, I don’t know if I’m going to get this again so I have to get in here really quickly and get whatever I can ---

Mare Simone: Right.

Francesca Gentille: --- because I don’t know when I’m going to have another opportunity and you’re inviting us to save the one you’ve got.

Mare Simone: You know how to get it well it’s hard because it’s alive and it’s breathing and it’s going to get hard and soft and hard and soft many times naturally and in the course of love-making, it should do. And it’s unhealthy but it doesn’t right to say with the Viagra you know, if it gave him erection for four hours non-stop that’s dangerous to have to cause him to emergency room or something you know, it’s just not normal for the body to stay rock hard event though the fellas that is showing up in important zones where, you know, they obviously have breaks but we don’t see its breaks we just see the stream of his heart tends to be all the time, which isn’t natural. But I really want to bring up that I think it’s really, really key to men who ejaculate sooner than they and/or their partners want them to is the upside of that means that a man is really receptive and sensitive and capable of feeling a lot of pleasure. The only problem or difficulty that he’s experiencing from a tantra perspective, you know they way that I presented is that if he’s only feeling down in his genitals and the excitement is contained or restricted only to that limited, six inches or whatever, it becomes something that, you know can quickly spill over into the ejaculation. But when a man takes on this deep reading that we’re talking about it, opening his body to allow pleasure to stream upward, which is another direction that it can and is intended to flow. I strongly believe that sexuality and orgasmic waves are the most revitalizing energy that we can tap into it’s like a very potent tonic of rejuvenating life was. And part of its design is that it’s suppose to fill us up both men and women and when a men learns to relax the muscles around his sacs and use them to pump the energy in rather than just to tightening and try to prevent that release but contracting and relaxing causes this direct pump the energy up and vive to fill the whole body. And one of the things that sometimes happens when that occurrence is taking place is that he’ll start to feel sensations of pleasure in his upper body, maybe in his belly or in his chest, to his hands, to his face to his feet, all different kinds of other parts of the body can start to feel what my client, one of my client refers to as the full body erection. I’m going to say that was a great description.

Francesca Gentille: It was.

Mare Simone: Now the whole body willing to feel that tingling aliveness and it also may an indicator maybe that the erection itself will start to go down just a little bit, that’s fine that just means he is more ready for stimulation and pleasure and if you let it be fine and express and embrace it that way then it just invites a merit of other possibilities and pleasure and both sensations to take place and full body orgasms can fill up and flows through the whole body, and once a man start to experience that it’s sort of like discovering a home new territory and it gets easier and more interesting and more profound and more exciting and/or a lot [xx] limited and you doesn’t have so much worry about whether it’s going to last long enough because there is many waves one can acted to another and if they internalized at least some of these waves there is a lot more in store.

Francesca Gentille: I love that and I’m going to need to have you back because you have said wonderful information and I want to thank you for joining us today Mare, it’s just beautiful

Mare Simone: My pleasure.

Francesca Gentille: And I wanted to thank our listening audience and if you want to hear more about Mare, find out about her, get connected to her wonderful classes, you can find her bio, her website and a transcript from the show as well at www.personallifemedia.com that’s www.personallifemedia.com and you can also find me, Francesca Gentille and my website and get connected to me and my classes, my workshop and coaching as well and I want to thank all of you for being the community that brings the soul of sex.

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