Episode 96: Arden Leigh: Sexy Seduction

Listen Now
RSS: Subscribe
RSS: iTunes

Did you know that there is a "Meet-Up-Group" named "Sirens" that's all about seduction for women in NYC? Meet Arden Leigh, co-founder of Sirens, teaching the art and science of seduction. Arden has been interested in seduction ever since she knew what the word meant. She a retired professional dominatrix and author of a seduction guide for everyday women, "Whipped: A Professional Dominatrix Shares the Secrets to Wrapping Men Around Your Little Finger."

Join Arden and Chip as they talk about the meaning and nature of seduction, the games that men play - and how women can learn them, hook-ups, relationships and so much more. And don't miss Arden's exercise for you to try at home.

Transcript

Chip August: Welcome to Sex, Love and Intimacy. I’m your host Chip August, and on the show today we’re talking to Arden Leigh. Arden is the cofounder of Sirens, which is a New York City seduction forum for women. And Arden has been interested in seduction ever since she knew what the word meant. She’s been a director of training and marketing at one of New York’s most renowned houses of professional dominatrixes Domination, where she not only trained young dominatrixes in seduction, and she also was her own very successful dominant. She has written a seduction guide for everyday women called Whipped: A Professional Dominatrix Shares the Secrets to Wrapping Men Around Your Little Finger. She’s a certified practitioner of NLP and Erickson Hypnosis. She’s said in her own bio she’s been publicly labeled a predator and she took it as a compliment. Welcome to the show Arden Leigh.

Arden Leigh: Thank you very much Chip. Thank you for having me here.

Chip August: Oh, it’s my pleasure Arden. You’re an interesting, I was looking at your personal website and also looking at the seduction forum for women, and it’s quite an interesting thing. So tell me, how did you, how does it, how’d you come about creating a seduction forum for women and what is a seduction forum?

Arden Leigh: Well essentially what I do is I teach classes, group classes, but I also offer one on one coaching, as well as I try to provide a social network for women who are interested in expediting their romantic goals. And I came about doing this, as you’ve already mentioned, I spent several years as a professional dominatrix. I never had any inkling that it was the way that I wanted to spend my entire life, although I certainly had a lot of fun when I was doing it. And after I retired from that I said to myself, “Okay, what skill sets do I have and how can I parlay this into my next career venture?” And since as you mentioned I was the director of training and marketing at the house where I worked, basically what I was doing there aside from my own sessions of my own personal clients, I was basically training the other women there who wanted to be successful pro dom’s, to seduce and compel those around them into becoming their clients and not only how to attract them, but also how to retain them. And as I was doing this as a professional dom, I noticed that much of what I was teaching was really quite applicable to peoples personal lives as well. I found myself not only improving my own personal life, but also being able to advise friends and people around me on how to improve their own personal lives using many of the same strategies that I was, that I was using in my own marketing. So I thought, you know, what better next career venture to go upon than to teach women everything that I’ve learned in marketing myself and how that applies to gaining a fulfilling personal life.

Chip August: Okay, so this is a little confusing to me because it seems to me… Well, hey, you know. It seems to me that a dominatrix, somebody comes and says “Dominate me.” And so it, I don’t quite get the connection to seduction because the person doesn’t want to be seduced, they want to be topped, they want to be controlled in some mutually agreed upon way. So tell me how seduction plays into domination.

Arden Leigh: Absolutely. That’s very true that when a client goes to see a pro dom he does have certain goals in mind, certain things that he wants to accomplish or engage in his own fetishes. However, you really can’t, you know… And I’m based in New York City where I am as a seduction coach, but also as a former pro dom. You really can’t walk too far in New York City without bumping into a pro dom, so a potential client could really theoretically could go to see anyone, and what’s going to keep him, what’s going to attract him to come and see you, of all people, and to moreover , you know, keep coming back to see you time and time again. And that’s where seduction really comes in is that no matter what, no matter what your goals are with someone, you know, whether it is in your personal life or whether it’s, you know, if you’re a pro dom and you’re with a client, you have to have the ability to attract and compel people and also to keep them coming back to you, and that’s where seduction really comes in I think, is that it’s about compelling people to be sort of magnetized to come to you and want to find out more about you and to want to be around you and also to keep them coming back. And the way that you do that is by really creating an emotional experience for someone. So as a dom, you know, some people say, “Oh, well I thought that these women are just, you know, leather clad bitches who kick men and step on them and call them pigs and whatever”, and that’s really not a hundred percent true. It’s really about a real true skill to dom is going to be able not only to engage in that persons fetishes, but also to really get inside their heads. And that’s I think what, where seduction really comes in.

Chip August: Okay, so I want to talk a little bit about this word seduction because I was actually leading a workshop, not in, not quite in your area, I lead workshops in sex, love and intimacy. But I was leading a workshop and we did an exercise and one of my partners… The exercise I thought was a flirting exercise, and one of my partners used the word, said “Seduce your partner”, rather than “Flirt with your partner”, and It brought up a very interesting vibe in the room of some people thinking of seduction as somehow different than flirting. So I don’t quite know what you mean when you mean seduction. And just now when you were talking about it, it sort of sounded like you were using the word seduction to mean sales, basically, “I’m going to, you know, going to talk you in something.” So tell me more. What is seduction?

Arden Leigh: Actually I think that’s a really good analogy. More than sales, I often compare seduction to marketing. I’ve often said that seduction is essentially the market of the self. Marketing is of course essentially seduction by a product. In both, in both areas you’re really creating an emotional experience for the person you’re seducing and creating a sort of charisma and attraction to yourself. I think seduction tends to get a bad rap, especially if you look in various dictionaries, is that it’s literally to lead astray, and often a lot of dictionary definitions try and say that, to imply rather that being led astray you’re being led down a bad path or a path that you would not have normally chosen for yourself and that that somehow makes it immoral or transgressive, which is I don’t believe necessarily the case. I believe that seduction is really about taking someone on a journey, so that’s true in part that you are leading someone down a path, but that you are taking them on a journey that they’re excited to take and that you’re creating an emotional experience for them that they are going to find fulfilling.

Chip August: Well this is, there’s definitely more to talk about on this, but I also want to pause for a moment too here so… Listeners, you’re listening to Sex, Love and Intimacy. I’m talking to Arden Leigh. We’re, at the moment we’re talking about seduction. We’re going to talk about a lot more. But as we break I just want to remind you, please do listen to these messages. There are, you know, the sponsors are what really make it possible to bring my show to you. And more than that, the sponsors have some pretty cool stuff, and if it’s not mentioned in the ads, you might also want to go check my episode page at personallifemedia.com, you might want to look at the Sex, Love and Intimacy page because on that page I have dollar off, or percentage off deals for audible.com, I think for Adam and Eve, I think for ice.com. There’s all kinds of deals, and you can save some money and support the sponsors and the sponsors support us and we get to bring you more shows and it’s a win-win-win-win-win, so please listen to these and then come on back because we’ve got a lot of interesting stuff to talk about, including by the end of the interview an exercise that you can do at home. So you’re listening to Sex, Love and Intimacy and we’ll be right back.

Chip August: Welcome back to Sex, Love and Intimacy. I’m your host Chip August. I’m talking to Arden Leigh. Arden is the co-founder of Sirens, a seduction forum for women and she’s, she has been a professional dominatrix and a trainer of dominatrixes and an all around very interesting person, so…

Arden Leigh: Why thank you.

Chip August: So, I just have to ask this because I’m just curious. How does somebody wind up as a professional dom? I mean how did you get a career in this? Is this just turning your hobby into money or what?

Arden Leigh: I think everyone has a different story about that. I can certainly share mine. I think mine’s a touch unique. But I was a very late bloomer, sexually speaking, so we’ll go back just to that point. I actually didn’t have sex for the first time until I was 22, so… And in mentioning that I would like to also add that my skills as a seductress therefore are not something that I was genetically predisposed to. It’s a skill set that I believe that any woman can learn if she puts in enough effort. But anyway, back to the story. Shortly after that I started, you know, I guess you could say I went from zero to sixty, but finally when the world of my sexuality opened before me I was excited about exploring it. And I started dating this boy who was very outspokenly into the world of BDSM. He was, he was a dominant. And I got into a relationship with him where I played submissive to his dominant. And the play was great, the sex was great, and it was all very new and very exciting; however, that’s kind of the only thing that really held us together I think, is that as two people outside of our sex lives, we were not very compatible. So needless to say, our relationship started getting a little rocky several months into it, and one of the things I noticed was that, you know, when his eyes sort of started wandering, was that he had added to his MySpace friends list – and this was, you know, about five years ago, four years ago maybe when MySpace was really at its peak – he had added to his friends list all these profiles of all these very sexy girls clad in all this, you know, fetish wear. And I called him on that, I said, you know, “Who are these girls on your friends list?”, and he said, “Oh well, they’re fellow dominants and we’re going to share tricks of the trade” or whatever, and I thought, “Okay, well, you know, two people can play this game. I’m going to add some of them to my friends list as well.” Fast forward to about a month later. We broke up, and, you know, I had called him back after we broke up and I said, “I think we made a mistake”, I wanted to get back together, and he said no. He said, “You know, I think it’s a good idea that we broke up.” So at that point for me the gloves were off, you know, in terms of… You know, I seemed to have no responsibility after that, you know. If someone’s going to break up with them then, you know, they get what’s coming to them. So I, at the time I was working as a bartender, terrible job, I was really miserable at this one place I was working, so… One day I’m sort of putsing around MySpace and I find these women, you know, these girls that I had added to my friends list, these girls in fetish wear. And it turned out that it was their professional dom characters profiles. They were at this house that was very technologically progressive and was trying to market to younger people by having their doms make MySpace profiles. So I messaged this one woman on there totally not even expecting the here back from her because, you know, what would she want with some little submissive girl like me. And I wrote to her and I just said, “Hey, I got out of my first relationship where I was a submissive. I think maybe I could do this. You know, do you have any pearls of wisdom for someone who is looking to get into your industry?” And she messaged me back the very next day, and she said, “Actually the house where I am working right now is holding interviews. Why don’t you come in and see if you would like a position?” So of course I thought, oh, I was shocked, and I thought, “Alright, well I’ll go in and just, you know, for the hell of it, it’ll be, you know, a crazy story to tell the grandkids one day”, totally not expecting that I was going to feel comfortable yet in that environment despite the fact that I had played in my own lifestyle. You know, playing with strangers was going to be something completely different. So, but I walked in and everyone was really cool. Everyone was like in their early 30’s, the owners were really chill, really laid back. And they said, “You know, I think you could do really well at this and we’d like to offer you a job”, and I thought, “Uh, holy shit, I’m going to do this.” So I took the job. I got back at my ex by, you know, all of these girls that he was drooling over on MySpace were now all my, you know, new co-workers and my new friends who totally didn’t even know who he was, they were like, “Oh, we just added anybody to our MySpace profiles ‘cause it’s good publicity, so no, we don’t even know who your ex is.” And to add salt to the wound, a month later I started, I started dating one of the owners of the house, meaning that now not only was I best friends with all of these girls that my ex was fetishizing, but I was also dating their boss, and I chased him out of the fetish scene for a good year after that. People sometimes ask me, “What is the most sadistic thing that you have done as a pro dom?”, and I often tell them, “It was the act of becoming a pro dom itself.

Chip August: Wow! Okay… That’s a story.

Arden Leigh: That is a story.

Chip August: That is a story. Okay, just, I want to just go on record here that I know that you think 22 is a late bloomer and I am sure there are people listening who were still virgins at 22, and so I just notice that, it’s sort of been my crusade to banish shame from sexuality. If you were just listening to that and thinking, “Well, then I was really late”, I want to say that the whole concept of early bloomer/late bloomer is mostly in your own head. There is no, you know, there is no exactly right age, and there’s a lot of wrong ages, and there is no exactly right age for the first time that you actually have intercourse with someone. It’s just, it’s when it happens, you know, and…

Arden Leigh: Very true. Very, very true.
                                                             
Chip August: Sorry, it’s just my little, just my little plug for shamelessness ‘cause…

Arden Leigh: Of course, of course.

Chip August: there’s just too much shame out there. Okay, so you, we were talking about seduction, and you were actually likening it to marketing, which I thought was, I thought it was pretty interesting. Not that I haven’t, I actually had a fifteen year career in advertising and marketing, and certainly when you’re in those marketing meetings we know we’re trying to seduce consumers into using our product or our service. But you rarely hear when you’re in the seduction business that we’re using marketing, you know what I mean? It’s like, that’s not using… So I just want to, you actually teach people to have sort of a personal brand, don’t you ?

Arden Leigh: Absolutely, absolutely.

Chip August: Can you say, can you talk about that a little bit.

Arden Leigh: Sure, of course. One of the things that I’m sure you’re familiar with that they talk about in marketing is that you can not be everything to everybody. And this is very true in the pro dom industry. If a pro dom would kind of come out into the industry and try to get every session possible, you know, it’s that same thing where, you know, when something comes to mean everything it also comes to simultaneously mean nothing at all. So we really encourage doms in the industry to really specialize in something to find their own persona and their own specialties. And what I found is that this really applies to seduction as well, it applies to one’s own personal life in the sense that… You know, one thing that I often ask women, you know, for example, when defining your personal brand and figuring out your target market, basically, you know, what kind of targets are you going after and what sort of brand is going to appeal to those people. You know, often I’ll ask them, as an example, “Do you want to be the girl who can sleep with the rock star or do you want to be the next first lady?”, you know, and obviously when you think of those two archetypes there’s very, very different brands behind those. So you need to find out where it is that you want to fit in, and also to accept the fact that you do not have to subscribe to the belief that you were born into a role or that society molds you into a role and that’s where you have to stay. You really need to empower yourself in terms of, say, okay, I can create, I can forge an identity for myself of my own choosing, and I can wake up in the morning and look in the mirror and say, “This is who I want to be. This is who I’m going to be. This is what I’m going to assimilate into my identity because it’s what I’m happy living as.

Chip August: So you’re really, you’re really inviting women to look at their goals, look at where they want to be, what they want to accomplish, really who they want to be in their life, and then focus their attention on the things that move them towards their goals and kind of stop wasting time on the things that aren’t.

Arden Leigh: Absolutely, absolutely. Oh, I definitely, you know, in terms of stopping wasting time on the things that aren’t, that’s very true too, but even in terms of going further than, you know, not wasting time, I think, you know, certainly if you’ve had a, you know, experience in the advertising and marketing world, you’re familiar with the concept that, you know, certain things that do not conform to your brand only serve to muddy the waters. And an example I like to give of that is for example, you know, if I go home and I go to bed with someone, he undresses me, he will never ever find me in a pair of Hanes underwear, because that would serve to muddy my brand. My brand is very much about certain pleasures and certain luxuries and really taking care to, you know, to make my own appearance compelling, for one. So therefore, I always wear really beautiful lingerie, and that’s more for me than anyone else because that, it’s important for me that I wake up in the morning and I put on nice lingerie and it makes me feel good about myself. But so, you know, for example, you know, something like that, something like wearing a brand new pair of panties for me would muddy the waters of my brand…

Chip August: Right.

Arden Leigh: to say the least.

Chip August: Right, and then turning that around, there are, for sure there are women whose seduction is that they look great in those – not granny panties, but the Hanes, you know, the Hanes T-shirts and Hanes, you know…

Arden Leigh: Oh, absolutely.

Chip August: That’s their look and it works, you know…

Arden Leigh: Mm hmm.

Chip August: So I get it, you just have to find your…

Arden Leigh: And I, I actually knew a girl who created something for herself out of… And she actually started doing it for a lover who insisted that she wear white cotton underwear every time that she’d come to see him, and she was really able to rock this really innocent Lolita kind of look with that, and it really works for her, so… Yeah, absolutely, you know. I’ve learned from being a pro dom, you know, that it’s possible to fetishize almost anything…

Chip August: Yeah.

Arden Leigh: and…

Chip August: I would take the almost out of that sentence. Pretty much anything.

Arden Leigh: You’re right about that.

Chip August: We need to pause, we need to pause for a moment here. Listeners, here, you’re listening to Sex, Love and Intimacy. I’m talking to Arden Leigh. We’re talking about seduction and domination and having a personal brand, and we will be right back. And in the next segment Arden has an exercise for us to do. And I just want to remind you that we transcribe almost every, almost every episode of Sex, Love and Intimacy. So if you hear something that I say or something that Arden says and you think, “Oh man, I just want to, I want to cut and paste that and put it up on my computer everyday”, great. Go onto the, go to personallifemedia.com, find the Sex, Love and Intimacy episode pages, find our episode and you’ll find a transcript right there. Also it’s a great way to tell people about good stuff you’ve heard on the show. You can cut and paste out a sentence or a paragraph and send it to someone and say, “Oh, I heard this great thing. Isn’t this great?” And it helps you, it helps me, and it’s one of the ways I grow the show ‘cause it’s, I do really want you to tell your friends and tell the people in your life that you enjoy this because we want to reach more and more and more people. So I appreciate all that. By the way, if you have suggestions for guests or comments or criticism about the show, you can always reach me at [email protected]. So I always like to hear from people, and a lot of my guests come from your suggestions. Anyway, we’re going to pause, take a little commercial break here. We’ll be back in a moment. Lets go to break.

Chip August: Welcome back to Sex, Love and Intimacy. I’m your host Chip August. We’re talking to Arden Leigh. Arden is the co-founder of Sirens, a New York City seduction forum for women. She teaches the art and science of seduction, and that’s kind of what we’ve been talking about. So in your own language, you and I were talking before the show both by email and in person, and one of the things you said kind of caught my attention. You said you were kind of trying to teach women how to beat guys at their own game, and…

Arden Leigh: Oh, yes.

Chip August: And one point you said acting like one of the boys. So I’m a guy and I’m a, I’m actually a pretty aware guy, but I’m not sure I know what you mean by beating guys at their own games or acting like one of the boys. Can you say, like, what game are we talking about here? What are you talking about?

Arden Leigh: Oh, absolutely. I also think that in addition to beating men at their own games by sort of assimilating some masculine traits into yourself, you can also do it to create common ground. You know, I think often people think that the opposite sex is kind of foreign territory and, you know, men sometimes feel like they don’t understand women and women feel like they don’t understand men. Anything that you can do to create common ground is really to your advantage with seduction. But in terms of beating men at their own game, I can give you an example. You know, obviously it’s a pretty well known cliché that men, even if they’re in a committed relationship or even if they’re not, they like to visually check out other women, and this can often sort of be a test of the woman they’re with to say, like, “Well, is she going to get jealous, you know? How possessive is she of me? Even how interested is she in me?” So, one thing…

Chip August: Guilty as charged.

Arden Leigh: Yes. Am I right?

Chip August: Absolutely. In fact it’s a conversation I have when I begin dating someone. It’s like, “So you can know, I really like looking at women, and I’m not going to, I want to go home with you, but I’m not going to stop looking at everybody else that goes by.”

Arden Leigh: Yes…

Chip August: Yup.

Arden Leigh: and the woman who has a problem with that is obviously going to show you that she has a lot of insecurities about herself.

Chip August: Yup.

Arden Leigh: Am I right?

Chip August: Yup, and we’re probably not going to go very far.

Arden Leigh: Yeah. Exactly, exactly. So one thing that I like to do to increase my seductive abilities in that realm is that I like to check out other women first. And I will actually, if I’m in the room and there’s a woman that I think is attractive or whatever – and it doesn’t even have to be that I’m attracted to her, it could just be that I admire something about her look or there’s something that compels the eye. And so I’ll look over at her and I’ll say to the man that I’m with, “Oh, look at the, you know, that woman over there is quite pretty, don’t you think?” Or, you know, “Gee, I really like her style”, or “Oh, she’s got a great dress on”, or something like that, and by acknowledging the pretty woman at the other side of the room, you know, you allow the man to get  his look at her, you know, and go ahead and drink that in with his eyes like you knew he was going to anyway. And basically you, not only do you open it up to the fact that you’re not threatened by her – which basically, you’ve beaten him to the punch, because he was going to look at her anyway, so you kind of beat him to that ability to maybe throw you off your own game by doing that, by the fact that you’ve gone ahead and done it first. But even more importantly, in terms of a woman feeling threatened by another woman, threat is all in perception. So if you are not threatened by another woman in the room, the man you are with is going to say, “Oh, she’s not threatened. I guess she has no reason to be threatened. She is a better catch than whatever woman is here, or else she feels that she is and she probably has a good reason to feel so.” So that’s one of example in terms of how you can beat a man at his own game. Shall I give you another one?

Chip August: You know, yeah, I love this. So, but I want to, I want to adjust a little bit languaging, just because…

Arden Leigh: Mm hmm.

Chip August: It is my experience that the stuff you’re talking about isn’t fundamentally heterosexual. So, you know, I work with gay men, I work with lesbian women, I work with bi, I work with people who are questioning, who are not, and I have to say there is something also hot about that partner of mine noticing the hot guys and saying, “Ooh, that guy at the bar, he’s…”, you know, right. It’s, I think that there’s something hot about being open and aware of sexuality all around us regardless of the gender. Do you know what I mean? Like I don’t, I don’t think it’s…

Arden Leigh: Oh yeah.

Chip August: Yeah, so I just, and I just noticed when you’re speaking, you’re speaking it all very heterosexually. And it’s fine, that’s probably true for most of the listeners here. But I just want to acknowledge that everything you’re saying, it, you know, it works the same when you’re cruising a gay bar. It’s…

Arden Leigh: Oh, absolutely.

Chip August: It’s the same, yeah, so… Yeah, so…

Arden Leigh: What I specialize in is of course coaching women on seducing men ‘cause I feel that that’s my strong point, but a lot of what I teach – and also I should mention my business partner, who is the co-founder of Sirens, also coaches men on seducing women – and most of what we teach, you know, is really just about social dynamics and it does apply to all orientations, so that is a very good point.

Chip August: Okay. So I want to, I would like to hear another example, but I want to use the time a little differently. Is that there’s a thought that I have, and I just want to run this by you. I hear a lot in the media and read a lot that young people in their teens and their 20’s, maybe even in their 30’s, they seem to be moving away from romance and seduction and moving towards what I think people usually just call hook-ups, where it’s just sort of sex without any emotional commitment and maybe even without much intimacy. It’s just, you know, scratching an itch with each other. And yet you seem to fly in the face of that. So what are you noticing about the people you talk to and the people who show up at your forum and, is the hook-up just overstated by media or what?

Arden Leigh: I think we’re certainly living in a time where there’s a lot of sexual awareness and a lot of taboos have been broken. People generally, at least in a lot of urban areas, I think they know that as long as they’re being safe and they’re being responsible, that, you know, having sex with multiple partners is okay as long as everyone’s honest with each other and up front about it, and as I mentioned, also being safe. That doesn’t stop us from falling in love, however. You know, and we certainly can have sex just for the fun of it; I’ve done so myself, you know. I’ll fess up to that, you know, sometimes you’re at a bar and you meet a Tommy Hilfiger model and you end up on his rooftop later on, it happens, you know. But you know what happens…

Chip August: Doesn’t happen to me, but yes, okay.

Arden Leigh: It did to me apparently, and I loved it. But, you know, that doesn’t stop you from sometimes you’re at a bar, you’re at a party or wherever you are and you look at someone and you feel this instant, this instant connection with them, but you really can’t describe it. But you know that just having sex with them is not going to be enough, and even if you do have sex with them that you’re going to become attached to them, and for women that’s particularly true, but I believe we often overestimate our own abilities to remain detached where sex happens because biologically we get flooded with all of these chemicals, you know, plenty of dopamine and, yup, oxytocin… Yeah, exactly. And so when that happens, you know, whether it’s when we meet that person or whenever we get those feelings, we’re like we have to experience intimacy with this person or else we feel like we’ll just implode. That’s where you really need a seduction skill set. I think it’s pretty easy for women to just go out and have casual sex these days. It’s not a, it’s not a huge hurdle, so I say. Although I will add that I think that having a seductive persona is going to increase your number of potential targets…

Chip August: Right.

Arden Leigh: even for just random hook-ups…

Chip August: And give you more options…

Arden Leigh: Oh, exactly.

Chip August: And give you… Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Arden Leigh: Exactly, so you can, you know, if you have that seductive persona, yeah, you can pick and choose a little bit more. But, you know, when you do meet that person and you really, you really fall in love and you know that you want more than that, it, you know, it doesn’t stop all the rest of those feelings from happening.

Chip August: Okay, so we’re starting to run out of time here. If women, or if people wanted to get in touch with you, how would they find you Arden?

Arden Leigh: Absolutely. Well I do have a blog. It is at www.ardenleigh, a-r-d-e-n, l-e-i-g-h, dot typepad, t-y-p-e-p-a-d, dot come (www.ardenleigh.typepad.com). My email address also is [email protected], a-r-d-e-n, s-i-r-e-n-s, @gmail.com ([email protected]). And I also have an upcoming website for the Sirens seduction forum that is, it’s under construction, but if you go, right now there’s a lovely front page graphic and my lovely logo that I had designed for us at www.seductionsirens.com. So any of those ways are great ways to get in touch with me.

Chip August: Excellent. And of course listeners, if you just go to the episode pages of personallifemedia.com, just Google, in the search window just Google Arden Leigh and you’ll get the episode and I’ll publish the links on the episode pages there also, so it’s an easy way to reach. We like to end the show, we always like to at some segment in the show have our guest suggest an exercise that someone can do at home to improve their own love, intimacy and sexuality, and you had an idea for one, so this would be a good moment.

Arden Leigh: Excellent. Yes. What I’d like to suggest in terms of refining one’s own personal seductive brand, and this is something that, again, I often would coach many of the pro doms who worked with me to do, but which women can do in their everyday lives as well, is that I really encourage women to keep their eyes open for figures or characters around them that inspire them with their own compelling magnetic personalities or archetypes, and those could be characters in a novel, characters in a film, it could be a celebrity, it could be a figure in history, it could even be a piece of art for example. And what I like to encourage women to do is to take a handful of those, you know, two or three or even more, and blend those together in order to create the kind of persona that you’re going to wake up in the morning and be really excited to embody. And what I advise is that you take a look at a certain figure who inspires you, and figure out what it is about them that inspires you; whether it’s their style, their looks, it could be their voice, the way they speak, it could be their semantics, their vocabulary, it could be something about their personality, it could be body language, it could be an action that they do, whatever that is. Break it down mechanically, and know that you can assimilate that into your own habits as well, and really try to take control of the persona that you project to the world everyday. And when you do that you can realize how empowering it is to really be in control of your own identity, and to be able to look at someone like a Marilyn Monroe or an Audrey Hepburn or a Ginger on Gilligan’s Island or whoever it is that inspires you, and not to feel inferior to that figure, but rather to feel an equal, to know that you can grasp things and learn from them and assimilate, and that you can embody that in your own life as well. So that would be, that would be my suggested exercise. Take a look around you at what is inspiring you, figure out why it is inspiring you, and figure out which of those characteristics that do inspire you are things that you would like to assimilate into your everyday persona.

Chip August: And I just want to say, men, if you’re listening, this is actually a great exercise for you to do also.

Arden Leigh: Absolutely.

Chip August: It works just as well. So, Arden Leigh, it’s been great talking to you. The time has just flown by. Thank you so much for being a guest.

Arden Leigh: Absolutely. Thanks for having me Chip. It’s really been a pleasure.

Chip August: Mm hmm. And listeners, thank you for once again joining us for an episode of Sex, Love and Intimacy, and I hope you’ll join us again next time.