Episode 89: Joan Price: Senior Sex

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Meet Joan Price, retired High School teacher, health & fitness writer, and author of the candid memoir "Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk About Sex After Sixty." As an advocate for ageless sexuality, Joan is an upbeat, warm, friendly expert who is chock-full of great information for all of us graying baby-boomers. In our conversation we talk about Joan's personal experiences, as well information she has gleaned from interviews with sassy, sexy, over-sixty women that Joan interviewed for her book.

This is a frank and candid interview about where and how to find partners, how to use lubricants & toys to help make post-menopausal sex the delight it's meant to be, and so much more. And make sure you listen to Joan's exercise for you to try at home.

Transcript

Chip August: Welcome to Sex, Love and Intimacy. I’m your host, Chip August, and today on the show we are going to be having some straight talk about sex after 60. We’re going to be talking to Joan Price. She is the author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk About Sex After 60. And she’s an advocate for ageless sexuality. Don’t you love that term, ageless sexuality. She wrote her book at age 61, inspired by her own relationship with her love, artist Robert Rice, and in discovering the exhilaration of later life love and sexuality. She’s been frequently interviewed by the media on senior sex, love, dating. She’s been dubbed by various publications The Beautiful Face of Senior Sex, and The Best and Mightiest Aphrodite, and somebody even called her a wrinkly sex kitten. So Joan’s mission is to change society’s stereotype of sex and aging one mind at a time. She’s a professional speaker, a fitness writer, a contemporary line dance instructor and has a blog, and we’ll give you all that information at the end. Welcome to the show Joan Price.

Joan Price: Thank you so much Chip.

Chip August: So lets just start right away. I’m reading your book and you’re a fitness and health person and you teach line dancing. How did you wind up becoming a sex guru?

Joan Price: Well it happened because I fell in love at age 57 with a wonderful man who was 64 at the time, and we fell in love with all of the exhilaration of adolescence and yet with the temper of, of the experience of lots of experience and having made all the mistakes we’d already made over decades of relationships. And there was just something so totally different about the relationship itself, the love part of it and the sex part of it. And so I went looking for books on that topic, ‘cause I wanted to see what other people had to say, and there weren’t any.

Chip August: Wow!

Joan Price: There were books about later life sex, but it was either the doom and gloom, you’re going to dry up and blow away variety, or they were just so un-sexy and so unfunny…

Chip August: Yeah.

Joan Price: that nobody, they would just put you to sleep and not want sex. So I decided to write my own…

Chip August: Now…

Joan Price: And…

Chip August: Yeah, go ahead.

Joan Price: Yeah.

Chip August: I’m sorry.

Joan Price: And then after the book came out, well exactly the same time really, Gail Sheehy’s book came out…

Chip August: Mm hmm.

Joan Price: about, about sex and, lets see, sex, and then Jane Jessica’s book about sex, later life sex, too. And so suddenly it was three books out at the same time, we were a trend.

Chip August: So your book, first readers, I have to, listeners I have to say, her books a great read, because it’s as much a, it’s not really a handbook, it’s a memoir, and it’s a memoir that’s peppered with letters and comments from other women and other people who’ve gone through sort of the same stuff, and it’s just, it’s a nice read, but it’s pretty candid. I mean you’re very open about your own sexual history and your attitudes and especially about your relationship with Robert. What’s it like for your to be so out there?

Joan Price: It was really tough starting because I was a high school English teacher before I became a writer. And then I was a health and fitness writer, which is pretty safe. And then here I am suddenly typing at my keyboard things that I hadn’t even talked to my best friends about. And I felt it was important, it was, I was on a mission of candor in a way, because this was not talked out loud about, this was not written about. And I said, “Well, you know, if anyone’s going to start it, then I’ll start it”…

Chip August: Wow!

Joan Price: And so I did, and as I wrote the book, I really enjoyed it. I even sometimes found it quite titillating to be writing about some magic moments with Robert, and I also learned as I looked back over my sexual history, which is in the book, and some of the old relationships I’d had and what I learned from them, I realized that I had really learned a lot. And those of us who are continuing to grow at our age do learn a lot from our relationships. And so it was very good for me to do it. And the candor, well I just go used to it, and by now you can ask me anything face to face or on the phone or anyway you want, and I don’t have any problem answering.

Chip August: And I plan on asking you just about anything, but a little bit more about your personal life… So how is this for Robert? This is, I mean, you know, it’s one thing to tell your own secrets, but you’re kind of sharing some of his secrets too.

Joan Price: Well that’s the thing. I was sharing his secrets as well. And at first he was absolutely in favor of the book as an abstraction being done. And then when he saw what I was writing, he’d say, “Oh my gosh. Well, change my name or something.” And I said, “Well if I change your name then the people will think I’m cheating on you with this other person with the name change. People know we’re together, so what sense does that make?” And as we developed he was a very, very private person. He was an artist, he was used to spending ten hours at a time alone, and he was not used to the kind of disclosure I was suddenly doing. But he felt it was important, he felt the mission was important and he shared it. He saw the stereotypes about sex and aging, hear them on the media, read them in the newspaper or hear people talk and laugh about the idea of some old fogies getting naked, and he would say, “Joan, you got to stop that, you got to help society stop that.” And he realized that he had to let me be as candid as I wanted to be. Now he did get a chance to veto certain things…

Chip August: Mm hmm.

Joan Price: I would read him a chapter if I was happy with it and if there was something that really made him squirm, and I don’t mean in a good way, then we’d look at how to change it a little or maybe even take it out so that he wouldn’t be hoping his children never knew I’d written a book, his grown children…

Chip August: Yeah.

Joan Price: And, and so he worked with me on that. And then once the book came out and I was going all over talking about it and answering questions and reading from it, he would sometimes go along and pretend he didn’t know me, he was just some guy in the audience. Other times he would raise his hands and say, “Hi, I’m Robert”, and it would be just beautiful when he chose to do that because it meant he felt comfortable enough to go public himself and say, “Hey, this is important to me too and I’m talking out loud too.”

Chip August: Now I, I know you lost Robert. I know he’s…

Joan Price: I did.

Chip August: Yeah. And how are you doing with that?

Joan Price: Oh, well it’s, as one widow said, “It doesn’t get better, but I get better”…

Chip August: Yeah.

Joan Price: It’s a huge loss, a huge loss. He was really the love of my life. I just happened to not find him until I was 57 years old. We were together 7 years to the day, first kiss and last kiss on the same…

Chip August: Wow!

Joan Price: the same date.

Chip August: Yeah.

Joan Price: But I know he wants me to continue the work and that’s what I’m doing.

Chip August: Well the work is great. Now not only did you get Robert to agree to this, but you’ve got a whole bunch of what you call ‘sexually seasoned women’ who have all added to this book. Where’d you find them and how did you find women so open to speak about sex after 60?

Joan Price: I would love to tell you, oh boy, did I work at that, but it was so easy Chip. Because, well I sent out, I sent out emails, I posted on message boards, I asked people I knew to forward my messages to all their friends. And I got responses so easily, people saying, “Thank you for asking. I’ve always wanted to talk about this. I’ve always wanted to know how other women feel about this”, and it was as easy as could be to get people to open up.

Chip August: Well that’s good to know. I, I have this story, I say this to my clients all the time, you know, our culture is pretty sex negative. Our culture is this really awful mix, this weird mix of Puritanism and total freedom, so, you know, any, any teenager can find porn, any kid on the internet can find porn. And at the same time, we seem to frown on the idea that people are being sexual. And noticed still, almost every situation comedy on TV, if you want to get an easy laugh, just have two people with gray hair talking about being sexual…

Joan Price: Exactly.

Chip August: and people think that’s comedy.

Joan Price: Exactly.

Chip August: So I’m really, really pleased you’re doing what you’re doing…

Joan Price: Thank you.

Chip August: And, did anything surprise you? Like when these women are sending you stuff and Robert’s telling you stuff, did you get surprised by any of what other people told you?

Joan Price: I was surprised often about how my experience was really reflected in other people…

Chip August: Yeah.

Joan Price: I thought, well gosh, with everything I’m hearing and reading, I may be the only senior who’s enjoying sex. And now I’m finding, nuh uh, no…

Chip August: Yeah.

Joan Price: Absolutely not. I mean here we have dozens of people who wanted to talk out loud about what they were enjoying about sex at our age and wanting to share and wanting to hear what other people had to say, and wanting to get tips about how it can be more pleasurable, because…

Chip August: Yeah.

Joan Price: we have challenges. It’s not the same as sex at 20, not at all.

Chip August: So as more of us move in, you know, more of baby boomers move into our 60’s that’s going to be a bigger and bigger question, not a smaller one. I want to actually talk to you about some of those tips, but first we need to take a break. So, you’re listening to Sex, Love and Intimacy. We’re talking to Joan Price. She’s the author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk About Sex After 60. We’re going to take a break. Listeners I really, really appreciate you paying attention to the sponsors and perhaps actually patronizing the sponsors. That’s what keeps this show alive, that’s what helps us grow, that’s what lets us bring this work to you. So please do listen to the messages, and… And I also want you to know that many of our sponsors offer promotional deals for our listeners, so you can get a free book from Audible, you can save 20 percent on ice.com jewelry, there’s so much more. So just go to personallifemedia.com and look for our links on my episode pages, on the pages for Sex, Love and Intimacy, and you can find a lot of good stuff. While you’re there you may see that there’s a, a button, a place to click on to take our survey. It would really, really help me if you’d take five minutes and fill out our anonymous listeners survey. It helps me understand you better, helps create sponsor confidence, lets me sell advertising, and also really lets me understand my audience, so… If you don’t see it there you could just go to survey.personallifemedia.com. It’s fast, it’s easy, it really helps me out, and I really appreciate it. We’ll be right back.

Chip August: Welcome back to Sex, Love and Intimacy. I’m your host Chip August. I’m talking to Joan Price. We’re talking about straight talk about Sex After 60, which is the subtitle of her book, Better Thank I Ever Expected. And when we left you said something about like tips, specific tips for men and women, and one of the things I really, really loved about your book is while there’s philosophy, there’s a whole lot of very practical information about sex and sexuality and how it changes. And so, lets just start talking about some of that. You have some really great information about vaginal dryness and vaginal pain, particularly for post menopausal women, and I would love, I just want, I just, you know, I think sex is one of those gifts that we get for being in a body and I would just like it if more people had more pleasure. So can you tell me a little bit about kind of coaching, if a woman says to you, “Well, you know, since menopause, it all feels dry or it’s painful”, what do you coach?

Joan Price: Well I coach that, yes, we do get dryer, that doesn’t mean we get less sexual. It just means we have less estrogen in the vaginal tissues, the center, and there’s just less blood rushing to the vagina. And what we can do, there are really a couple things that go hand in hand so to speak, and one is to use lubricant and the other is to take advantage of sex toys. And as far as the lubricant goes, we, I’ve heard from a few women who say, “Yeah, I’m just as juicy as I ever was”, but that’s rare. And what men need to understand, and this is hard sometimes for women to even express that, is that a woman’s moisture is not an indication of her arousal at our age…

Chip August: Yeah, yeah.

Joan Price: It is not…

Chip August: Yeah.

Joan Price: So a partner, male or female, of a woman who is not lubricating can think, “Oh gosh, I’m really not arousing her”, and that can be absolutely false. But our emotional arousal and our physiological arousal are not always going at the same pace. And…

Chip August: I have to say, that’s true for women at any age and…

Joan Price: Yes.

Chip August: there is a ton of studies about this, and I want to say men, listen to this please…

Joan Price: Yeah.

Chip August: It’s not, a woman, a woman’s wetness, moistness, is not some measure of you, you know…

Joan Price: No.

Chip August: You know, yeah.

Joan Price: No. And, and…

Chip August: Alright, so. Keep going.

Joan Price: so the thing about lubricants is that, there are a couple things, one’s find the right one, and another is make it part of the love play…

Chip August: Mm hmm.

Joan Price: so that it’s not a just, it’s not something like we used to run to the bathroom to put the diaphragm in…

Chip August: Mm hmm.

Joan Price: It’s not like that. Instead make it part of the love play. Robert used to apply it to me…

Chip August: Mmm.

Joan Price: And when he took the lubricant out of the drawer and put it on top of the, on top or we could both see it, I knew, I mean that got me excited already…

Chip August: Right, right.

Joan Price: Just looking at it, oh I know what’s coming.

Chip August: Right.

Joan Price: And then when he reached for it, that was just one of the sexiest images I have is his hand reaching for the container of Liquid Silk.

Chip August: Okay, Liquid Silk, you particularly like that. Tell me about Liquid Silk.

Joan Price: That happens to be my favorite, but I, we’re all different…

Chip August: Mm hmm.

Joan Price: and what I suggest women do is to get maybe samples, small samples of a few different kinds…

Chip August: Mm hmm.

Joan Price: And that’s possible to do either from a woman friendly sex shop….

Chip August: Mm hmm.

Joan Price: or even online from one of the merchants that, that sells sex products, but as a, but gears more towards education and friendliness, rather than smarminess….

Chip August: Mm hmm.

Joan Price: There are really two different types of shops that sell sex toys and other, other tools. And, and so getting say a sampler kit from one of these places, with small portions of several different kinds will let you experiment, see what works. Sometimes you want something that’s as slick as possible because there is pain and this will, you know, make, bring back the joy of friction…

Chip August: Mm hmm.

Joan Price: with more gliding motion. Or maybe you want it to feel much more like what your natural moisture used to be. And so you want one that’s more, like Liquid Silk really does feel natural. Some of the others are slicker…

Chip August: Mm hmm.

Joan Price: You don’t want one that dries out fast because sex takes longer at our age and we want it to, and that’s one of the joys of it. But we can’t have our lube drying out in the middle of it.

Chip August: I, couple of things about this, one I want to just remind people, if you are using latex and, and I really, really, really, really, really want to be a stand for not spreading sexually transmitted diseases and conditions, so if you’re using condoms, latex gloves, if you’re using latex products, it really must be a water based lubricant or a silicon based lubricant, but it cannot be an oil based lubricant.

Joan Price: Right, right.

Chip August: If you’re not using latex because you’re in a committed couple, because you’ve been partners forever, because there’s no reason to, which is very common, you know, it’s perfectly fine, you really need to make sure that when you’re, you’re trying things that you let people know that you’re in fact not needing water based, because the truth about it is oil based often dries up slower than water based. You know, so…

Joan Price: Ahh, good point.

Chip August: Yeah, yeah. So it makes it, it really makes a difference, you know. It really, it really can make a huge difference, and you really need to…

Joan Price: And I want to…

Chip August: Yeah, go ahead.

Joan Price: I’m sorry. I want to say also when you’re talking about oil based, I don’t want people to reach for the olive oil.

Chip August: Right.

Joan Price: You know, not to use food oils.

Chip August: Right.

Joan Price: Those are, those are not good internally.

Chip August: Creates, creates a wonderful medium for bacteria to grow and give you infections.

Joan Price: Exactly.

Chip August: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You really, you really want a product that’s designed for the job, you know…

Joan Price: Yes.

Chip August: Yeah.

Joan Price: Yeah.

Chip August: Yeah. Okay, so lubricants. But now you went on a little bit. You talk about using the Liquid Silk and then using other lubricant in addition.

Joan Price: For women who maybe have not had sex in a long time and are considering, or have not had penetration for a long time, and are considering getting back into that again, they may find that even, even penetration is painful. And so there are, in my book I have a few different ways that they can sort of start to work up to that…

Chip August: Mm hmm.

Joan Price: And one of, one way is to massage with Liquid Silk and the body will absorb that and will, it will really help the vaginal tone I guess you could say…

Chip August: Mm hmm.

Joan Price: And then to use a slicker lube at the time of penetration so that you get the combination of making the vagina more receptive and more accepting of penetration, but also at the same time making sure that there won’t be pain…

Chip August: Mm hmm.

Joan Price: And a lot of women don’t have, have this problem to deal with, but those who do will often avoid sex altogether…

Chip August: Right, right.

Joan Price: And will say, “Well, you know, I guess I’m done with all that.”

Chip August: Right. And being done with all that really gives up a significant part of life, you know. It’s not, I…

Joan Price: Yeah.

Chip August: I encourage you don’t be done with it until you’re done with life, you know…

Joan Price: Yeah.

Chip August: Now…

Joan Price: But I also want to make the point that…

Chip August: Yup.

Joan Price: penetration is not the only kind of sex.

Chip August: That’s just what I was about to say to you. I was going to, just about to ask you about that. Say more about that please.

Joan Price: Yeah. There are many men who have problems with, with erections, and…

Chip August: Mm hmm.

Joan Price: who think wrongly probably because of all the spam in our email box that harder, longer, the power drill penis is what women are wanting and expecting.

Chip August: Right.

Joan Price: We’re not. I mean whoever got an orgasm from a power drill, really. I sure never did. What we want, what we women want in case you’re asking what do women want, we want you to slow down, to make love to our whole body…

Chip August: Right.

Joan Price: to use your whole body. I mean, we’re, so much of us is skin, lets use it all, it all feels good. We’re not quite so genitally focused as we used to be because we don’t have that biological imperative to reproduce anymore.

Chip August: Mm hmm.

Joan Price: And so that’s really wonderful because we, our whole body has become sex receptors…

Chip August: Yeah…

Joan Price: And we’re not aiming for the go for the gold, and…

Chip August: I even want to, I want to object even…

Joan Price: Yeah.

Chip August: to the term ‘men who have trouble getting erections’, in the same way that I would object to the term ‘women having trouble lubricating.’ I just want to say that our bodies operate differently as we age, and…

Joan Price: Mm hmm.

Chip August: it is my, I meet about 500 women a year, every year, in leading workshops that I do, and I have to say when I ask women how many of you enjoy playing with a flaccid penis, almost always all of the women who are sexually active sometimes like it hard, sometimes like it soft, sometimes like to be able to play with it when it’s soft, sometimes like to be able to play with it when it’s hard, sometimes find that what’s happening with our mouths and with our kissing and with our touch is incredibly fulfilling, sometimes want to be actually, you know, actual strong intercourse, that if there’s a range, sexuality is so much more than just a, than a hard penis and a wet vagina.

Joan Price: That is so, so true. And I, I couldn’t have said it better myself, Chip. That’s wonderful, absolutely true.

Chip August: Now you, you don’t just talk about lubricants, you also talk about toys. Tell me a…

Joan Price: Ah, toys.

Chip August: Yeah, toys. Lets talk about toys for a minute. I know a lot of guys who are threatened by toys.

Joan Price: I know. And, yes, because men, the men who are threatened by toys think that they’re going to be replaced if we discover a toy that will give us an orgasm every time.

Chip August: Mm hmm.

Joan Price: Well, a toy is not going to replace a man.

Chip August: Mm hmm.

Joan Price: A toy doesn’t cuddle well, the jokes are really awful. A toy just helps us reach orgasm more, more efficient, more effectively, and we need that help sometimes. Certainly, certainly I found that I did…

Chip August: Yup.

Joan Price: that as aroused by Robert as I was and as in love with him as I was, I still would have trouble reaching orgasm. But with the aid of a toy, with particularly a clitoral stimulating vibrator, then it would happen, and…

Chip August: Now did, did Robert help you with the toy?

Joan Price: Well eventually, yes, because first he resisted it. He said, “Oh no, I want it to be natural. I don’t want something mechanical getting between us.” And I sighed and thought, “Oh dear”, we really have a long way to go here. And every, he would ask me, well, what we would do to be very candid with you…

Chip August: Mm hmm.

Joan Price: is he would bring me to an orgasm digitally….

Chip August: Mm hmm.

Joan Price: and then we would have intercourse.

Chip August: Mm hmm.

Joan Price: And I could never have an orgasm through intercourse alone.

Chip August: Mm hmm, mm hmm.

Joan Price: And he would always say, “Oh, I wish we could. I wish you could cum when I’m in you.”

Chip August: Right.

Joan Price: And I’d say every time, “Only if we use a vibrator to help us.”

Chip August: Ahhh.

Joan Price: And finally he said, “Well show me what you mean.”

Chip August: Yeah.

Joan Price: And I did, and my vibrator was his best friend ever since.

Chip August: I, I love this conversation, but we do need to pause, so… You’re listening to Sex, Love and Intimacy. I’m your host, Chip August. I’m talking to Joan Price. We’re talking about sex after 60, and it’s a good conversation. I’m definitely enjoying it. Listeners, as we go to this break, I just want to remind you, if you hear something that Joan or I say that you realize, “Oh, I’ve just got to cut and paste that and put it up on my refrigerator”, well guess what, we transcribe almost every episode of Sex, Love and Intimacy, so you can go onto the personallifemedia.com website, go to Sex, Love and Intimacy episode pages, and for most of the episodes you’ll find a transcript. Find the thing you like, cut it out, send it to your friends, say, “Ooh, you should listen to this interview. This person said this”, and that way we can grow and you can hang onto the words. Which brings me to, please do tell your friends that you listen to this. Spread the word, spread the word please. I’m, we’re getting more and more downloads every week, every month and I really appreciate the support, and I think this is important information that I’d like to reach more people with, so if you like what you’re hearing and you think of somebody who might like the show, please send it their way. We’ll be right back.

Chip August:  Welcome back to Sex, Love and Intimacy. I’m your host Chip August. I’m talking to Joan Price, author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk About Sex After 60. Joan, I notice that a lot of our talk is kind of woman focused. Are you, you ever think about doing a book for men after 60?

Joan Price: It’s already in the planning.

Chip August: Oh yay.

Joan Price: What happened was that after this book came out, which yes, is aimed primarily at women, although men have told me they learned a lot about the women they love from it and about their own issues. But what happened is I started getting lots of emails from men who were saying essentially, “What about us?”

Chip August: Yeah.

Joan Price: And they were telling me as candidly as the women have about their sexual issues. And they were asking me, “Well if this happens, what should I do about that?”, and “I can’t talk to my partner about this”, and so on. And my blog often had responses to some of these men’s questions, and I realized that there are two things I needed to do differently in my next book; one is aim it at both men and women. And the other is to deal more with the problems and the stories…

Chip August: Yeah.

Joan Price: than just the highlights.

Chip August: Yeah.

Joan Price: And that’s just what the next one’s going to do.

Chip August: Okay, so you mentioned your blog. I’m going to put links so people can find you, but lets just speak all of this. If people wanted to read your blog or get in touch with you or find your book, how would they do all that?

Joan Price: The easiest way would be just to go to my website, joanprice.com…

Chip August: Mm hmm.

Joan Price: and there are links to everything there, to the book, to the blog. But if they want to go straight to the blog, it’s betterthanieverexpected.blogspot.com.

Chip August: And Joan Price is j-o-a-n-p-r-i-c-e, dot com, it’s all one word, and betterthanieverexpected, all as one word, dot blogspot, dot com…

Joan Price: Yes.

Chip August: And as I say listeners, we, as always we’ll put a link on the episode pages, so just go visit the episode pages and click and you’ll be right there. Joan, I, I could just, I could talk to you forever about all this. I have to say, your, your book was just a really, a breath of fresh air. What, have you had any negative backlash? Are, has there been any negative from any of the media or anything?

Joan Price: Just a little. It’s been mostly positive. I’d say its been 90 percent positive, the other 10 percent ranged from a magazine where they, the writer said, “Now that boomers have discovered there’s sex after 60, could they please stop writing about it.”

Chip August: Wow!

Joan Price: And that was the mild one. The one that wasn’t mild, there’s a couple of shock jocks. Yeah. I’m not going to give their names…

Chip August: No, no don’t mention their names, don’t, don’t…

Joan Price: I don’t want to give them any publicity.

Chip August: Exactly right, exactly right.

Joan Price: But they, they encouraged their listeners to post obscene comments and denigrating comments on my blog…

Chip August: How funny…

Joan Price: And at that time I wasn’t smart enough to be moderating them, I am now. And so suddenly…

Chip August: Yeah.

Joan Price: a hundred really nasty obscene and insulting comments turned up, and it was easy to track down…

Chip August: Yeah.

Joan Price: where they all came from, and so I listened to that radio show, and it was, it was just awful. It was just awful, and I wanted to scream at these shock jocks, “At what age do you want to retire your genitals?”

Chip August: Yeah, exactly right. Exactly right. Exactly right, but you know, it’s not, it’s not personal, these are people who just thrive on controversy, so…

Joan Price: Yes.

Chip August: Yeah. Yeah, we don’t, you and I, we don’t thrive on controversy, we thrive on good solid information.

Joan Price: We do.

Chip August: So, that said, you and I were talking about some tips, and you’ve like amassed, like, ten different tips for seniors that, you know, like we think are just good, solid, and I was just wondering if you would be willing to give my listeners sort of your advice, here’s a thing you can do at home to improve the sex, love and intimacy in your life, because I, you know, I like my listeners to leave with some, not just some information, but also some practical exercise they can do at home. So, got one?

Joan Price: Yes. The easiest exercise I’ve got here is make love during high energy times…

Chip August: Mm hmm.

Joan Price: Instead of midnight sex, after a romantic meal, which leaves us full, bloated and ready to go to sleep, make daytime sex dates. Why do you think they call it afternoon delight? And don’t make a sex date that’s any less than one hour for a quickie or two hours. And the reason I say that is no, I’m not expecting anyone to be having intercourse for two hours. But what we need to do is to have a real warm up time, not just what we used to call “foreplay” in quotes, but the whole we’re laughing together, snuggling together, having some time to slow down from the day, ‘cause we’re busy people too, just because we’re over 60 doesn’t mean we have, all have lots of leisure time. And to spend time together looking into each other’s eyes, talking about important things, making each other laugh, dancing in the living room. And then by the time we hit the sheets we’re already turned on.

Chip August: Yeah, yeah. Dancing, you put a little bit in your book about your relationship with dancing. Why don’t you talk about that for a minute.

Joan Price: Yes. Well that’s so romantic. Dancing is, is sort of sex on two feet. It’s, it is sensual, it gets us in touch with our own physicality and our partners. And it’s also, for those of us who are single and want to have some kind of social activity and maybe even some touching, but we’re not ready for sex, dancing is just a wonderful way to get that.

Chip August: Yeah, yeah. Now, that just sort of, sort of a last question here before we wind this thing up. Okay, so you’re listening to this interview and you’re thinking, “Yeah, but where do I meet people? You know, like when I was 20 I met people in college, when I was 30 I met people at the office. Now I’m 65, where do I meet people who might even want to try any of this stuff?” How, what advice do you have for seniors who are wanting to, to kind of find more touch in their life?

Joan Price: A lot of people find that online dating works for them, but I suggest something much simpler to begin with…

Chip August: Mm hmm.

Joan Price: ‘cause there’s nothing simple about that. And that is to do the things that you love doing and then you’ll meet people who love doing the same things.

Chip August: Yeah.

Joan Price: And when I was line dancing four nights a week, my friends would say, “You’ll never meet a man line dancing. You should take an auto repair class or something.” And I said, “But I want to meet a man who dances”, and I did.

Chip August: Yeah.

Joan Price: He walked into my very own line dance class.

Chip August: Yeah. Yeah, and…

Joan Price: And so…

Chip August: Yeah…

Joan Price: So whether it’s if you like to read, go to, instead of staying home and reading where of course you won’t meet anybody, you can hang out at a library…

Chip August: Go to a reading group.

Joan Price: go to book signings…

Chip August: Yup.

Joan Price: go to author talks…

Chip August: Yup.

Joan Price: at local bookstores, and you’ll see there is an audience of people who love reading too.

Chip August: Yup.

Joan Price: So whatever it is you love, get out there and do that thing socially, and just be open to making new friends. Don’t look desperate, ‘cause if you’re feeling desperate, you look desperate, and there’s nothing like desperation to make someone run in the other direction.

Chip August: Yes. Well the thing I get, the assignment I give, I love this, this is what I tell everybody. You know, do something. Just get out and do something that you enjoy and look around and see who else is doing it while you’re doing it. And it really doesn’t…

Joan Price: Exactly.

Chip August: It doesn’t even matter if you’re walking around at a street fair or if you’re at a lecture, it doesn’t, just look around at who’s enjoying what you’re enjoying, and the assignment I give is instead of looking for dates, ‘cause you’re going to find dates, but instead of looking for dates, which can make you really desperate and have you start to keep score, I encourage, collect smiles and conversation. So I tell people, here’s the deal, you can count it a plus if you’ve had one back, if you’ve said hello to somebody and they’ve responded back and you didn’t know that person before you said hello, that counts. Go out and collect 15 of those.

Joan Price: Ah, wonderful.

Chip August: ‘Cause my experience is that people who get dates are the people who are warm and friendly…

Joan Price: Yeah.

Chip August: The person who is saying hello to everybody is likely to have somebody who’s a little shy come to them and say, “Wow, it was so nice for you to say hello”, and the person who’s just sitting there waiting for it to happen, what do you get good out of sitting and waiting?

Joan Price: Oh, you’re so right. You’re absolutely right.

Chip August: Well you are a delight to talk to, and I could talk to you forever, but we have a time limit on the show, so we’re kind of out of time…

Joan Price: I wish we didn’t.

Chip August: I do too. I just want to thank you for coming on the show. When you finish the next book I really would like to have you back. You’re a great guest. Thank you so much for being here.

Joan Price: Thank you so much.

Chip August: And listeners, thank you for listening. I really appreciate your support, and I hope you’ll join me again for the next show. But for now that’s the end of this episode of Sex, Love and Intimacy.