Episode 4: Gypsy: Help for Your Most Intimate Moments

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In my private coaching practice I often hear complaints that sex has become boring or routine. In this episode of Sex, Love & Intimacy find out what really spices up our bedroom activities. Learn the secrets of the professionals for turning on your partner. Every year countless millions of dollars are spent, mostly by men, on various “personal services” including sexual massages and prostitution. Meet Gypsy, a masseuse specializing erotic and sensual massage. Describing herself as a sensitive, energetic, freckled, redhead in her 40s, highly trained in the art of touch, Gypsy believes pleasure heals the body, the mind and the soul. Listen in as Gypsy talks about FBSM (Full Body Sensual Massage) and sexual massage and speaks candidly and openly about all things erotic. Find out what men really want, and what it's like to give it to them. And, Chip's created a sensual exercise for you to try at home.

Transcript

Gypsy: Help for Your Most Intimate Moments

Announcer:  This program is intended for mature audiences only.

[Music]

Chip August:  Welcome to Sex Love and Intimacy.  I'm your host Chip August, and today on the show we are going to be talking about sensual or erotic massage.

Gypsy: Basically human beings are a lot more sexual than they have been programmed to believe.

Gypsy:  So how does this feel to you?  Do you like being stroked this way?  How does this feel when I touch you here?  Would you rather me touch you more this way or I can actually do more of this if you are comfortable with that?

I get that for a lot of people it’s the first time they have been talked to that way.

Gypsy:  I think I would be mind-numbingly bored if I had to stand there and rub someone’s body and they couldn’t rub me back.  [Laughs]

Chip August:  Our guest is Gypsy.  She is a dear friend of mine who makes her living in erotic or sensual massage.  I have known her for quite some time and part of why I am so happy to have her on the show is my experience is that she is a warm, loving and really wise woman.  She knows a real lot about how to pleasure a man, how to have fun in life and has just a wonderful healthy attitude about sexuality so where better than to come on to ‘Sex, Love and Intimacy’.  So, welcome Gypsy.

Gypsy:  Thank you Chip.   It’s great to be here.

Chip August:  It’s really great to have you here.  Today on the show our plan is to talk a little bit about sensual and erotic massage, sometimes called FBSM, or Full Body Sensual Massage.

We are going to talk a little bit about how to please a partner.  We are going to talk about some of the things you can do at home that might be fun and learn a lot more about this whole subject of erotic or sensual massage.

So let’s just begin with what exactly is an erotic or sensual massage?  What do you do?

Gypsy:  An erotic massage differs from a therapeutic massage in that in erotic massage typically the receiver will experience touch pretty much all over their entire body. No body parts are eliminated.  There is an appreciation of the healing power of touch as it is delivered to the entire body and also an appreciation of the sensual nature of massage in general.

A lot of times when a person receives a massage, their experience will be having sexual energy excited in the body and to acknowledge that fact, to acknowledge that experience and to accentuate that and promote that and have that be a positive aspect of the massage.  Then as the massage develops, as the massage occurs, the sexual energy will increase to sometimes a pretty intense level.  Then depending upon whether the recipient is interested or not, there can actually be a sexual release involved in that too.

So really it’s the people who consider themselves to be proponents of and aficionados of erotic massage that engage in this kind of massage because they believe that touch and sexuality are best experienced together.

Chip August:  Now that sounded like a kind of long-winded way of saying what you do is touch which helps a person feel really horny and when they feel really horny and they feel all that sexual energy, you go with that sexual energy and often what you do includes sexual release.  Is that what you were meaning?

Gypsy:  That’s exactly what I mean.  Yeah.  It’s basically, as it is called in the business ‘A massage with a happy ending’.

Chip August:  I like that.  A happy ending.  Now, excuse my ignorance here but how is this different from prostitution?  Are you a sex worker?  I don’t know, how is this different from that?

Gypsy:  Technically by the strict definition of the word, it is prostitution in most states.  That’s why most erotic massage therapists work underground.

Chip August:  So, just out of curiosity, how do you feel about that?  You do this thing that some District Attorney thinks is illegal.  Obviously you think it’s a valuable thing to do.  How do you feel about that?

Gypsy:  Most days I have a little mild frustration  [Laughs] that kind of rumbles along because I have structured my entire working situation around the need to remain invisible and as a result I have entered an underground subculture that I had no idea existed prior to this and what I have discovered is wide and vast and thriving in the United States and around the world.

The desire for sexual services is huge.  The demand is insatiable.  More and more and more people are electing to become providers of sexual services purely for that reason.  But this entire world exists exclusively underground.

Chip August:  Yeah, it is one of my big sadnesses.  I notice when you look at all the research on what people use the Internet for, far and away, nothing even comes close to the number of people who are downloading what somebody has labeled pornography or sexually explicit material.

And yet we live in this culture that sort of pretends that sex is bad and has a sex negative attitude and punishes people who offer sexual services.  But enough of my soapbox.  Let’s go back to you!

How did you find yourself doing this?  How did you get into this business?

Gypsy:  This is my fourth career. I have been a landscape architect.  I have been a graphic designer.  I have been a financial analyst.  A few years ago I found myself jobless and decided at that point that I was done with jobs that were disregarding of humanity.

I had spent many many hours in fluorescent-lit labor camps that go by corporate nomenclature and I couldn’t do it anymore.  I needed to have more human contact.  I needed to have more space to acknowledge what peoples’ real needs are, and that is for intimacy and touch and positive experiences with other human beings.  I wasn’t getting that in my corporate life.

So I decided to go out on the skinny branch and take on something that was a huge departure for me in that again I had to know that I was going to be in the shadows.  I knew that I was going to be doing something that society was going to vilify me for.  I knew that I was going to put myself in a rather precarious place, but decided that the risk was well worth it.

I decided that not only would I be more satisfied in my work – I didn’t know that exactly but I was willing to take the chance, I had a hunch I was going to be more satisfied – and that I was going to feel that I was being of greater service to humanity in a much more profound way than I ever was as a corporate slut, and become a real slut.  [Laughs]  I would actually be providing something that I was quite certain was filling a real human need and that was important to me.

Chip August:  Did you find that your own shame or your own sense of what a woman is supposed to be like, or not supposed to be like got in the way?  Was that a hurdle you had to get over?

Gypsy:  Yes.  [Laughs]  Yes.  That was huge.  I have found that over the years that I have been doing this; I have been in an incredibly deep personal growth process through my own sexuality, my own ability to acknowledge and embrace my own sexuality, my ability to be present with another person’s sexuality, my ability to just normalize sexuality in my life.

I found that, as I had to educate myself around things like sexually transmitted diseases and legal aspects and financial aspects and all the different things that go into earning my money this way, I found that the main issue with which I was constantly grappling was what kind of horrible problems I have created for myself this time because I have become a fallen woman.  [Laughs]

I was brought up to be a good Christian girl.  I was brought up in a very strict fundamentalist environment.  To find myself doing this in my 40’s was as surprising to me as it would be to anybody. 

So it has been an enormous growth process, one for which I am profoundly grateful.  I feel that I have come in alignment with my own personal power in a way that I never would have been able to otherwise.

Chip August:  So, let me see if I have this right.  This gift of sensuality and connection and intimacy that you are selling to your clients has you feeling potent and powerful and feeling good about yourself.

Gypsy:  I feel great about myself.  I love the feedback I get.  I love the feeling that I get while I am in a session knowing that I am providing something that is not available, but the person is desperately seeking it.

I feel really aligned with the idea of providing sexual outlets to society, other than marriage and monogamous relationships.  I feel that basically human beings are a lot more sexual than they have been programmed to believe and that basically a lot of our unmet needs that we consider to be food related or money related or materially related are actually sexually related.

So I feel very good about being a stand in the world for helping people regain their sexuality and becoming healthier people.

Chip August:  Well, on that note, let’s take a little break.  I’m Chip August and I’m talking to Gypsy about sensual and erotic massage.  We’re going to take a little break and get a chance to give some support to our sponsors.  We’ll be right back.

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[Commercial]

[Music]

Chip August:  Welcome back.  I’m Chip August and you’re listening to ‘Sex, Love and Intimacy’.  My guest is Gypsy who is talking about sensual and erotic massage.

Oh, I guess we’re talking about a lot of things sexual.  So, I’m just curious, when you are giving somebody an erotic massage, what are you wearing?

Gypsy:  [Laughs] Well most of the time I start the massage in lingerie, which is really great because I love lingerie.  I think other providers dress in different styles and different – I think some women begin fully clothed.  I like to start in lingerie.

Usually somewhere along the way throughout the process of the massage the lingerie gets lost.  [Laughs]

Chip August:  And do the clients touch you, or do you only touch the clients?

Gypsy:  I actually like the mutual touching.  The mutual touching to me is one of the really fun parts of the massage. I think I would be mind-numbingly bored if I had to stand there and rub someone’s body and they couldn’t rub me back.  [Laughs]

Chip August:  And I’m assuming this is all men.  Do you ever have women clients or is this only men?

Gypsy:  I think I have had three calls from three women and I don’t think they were completely sure what they wanted.  So with the exception of one they didn’t actually manifest as real sessions but no, I would say it’s 99.9% men.  Yeah.

Chip August:  Not couples either?  Usually just the guy?

Gypsy:  I’ve had a few enquiries for couples.  Occasionally the husband will want to buy an erotic massage for his wife for a birthday or an important gift but none of those have actually panned out either.

Chip August:  Got it.  So can you characterize these men in any way?  Are they mostly single?  Are they mostly married?  Are they mostly young?  Are they mostly old?  Is there anything that they have in common other than the fact that they’re coming for a sensual massage?  Coming for – that’s probably bad phrasing – you know what I’m asking!

Gypsy:  [Laughs] I would say that if you could show any more realistic cross-section of people, that’s who it is.  It’s young, old, rich, poor, smart, uneducated, educated, successful, not successful, blue collar, white collar, and everything in between.

I find that to be absolutely fascinating and wonderful.  [Laughs]

Chip August:  Now, did you have to train for the job?  Do you just naturally know how to touch people?  Did you have to learn how to do this?  How do you – do you just one day hang out your shingle and say, OK, now I’m a sensual massage person?

Gypsy: That’s basically what I did, although I did have training in massage.  I have a CMT and I also have trained at a couple of healing centers where I learned a hands-on healing technique that involves manipulating energy.  So I have spent some time actually putting my hands on people and really trying to develop the sensitivity around that.

I’ve also had to learn a lot about the whole arena of human sexuality – how to touch a person’s genitals, how to communicate with them about that, how to talk to them about, “Do you like this kind of pressure?  Do you want to be touched here?  Do you like to have your balls stroked?  Do you like to have light touch on the outside of your anus?”  and to be able to verbalize about various body parts and various ways of touching.  So that’s something that I had a little bit of acquaintance with but really just learned as I went.

And then, like I said before, I had to learn all about sexually transmitted diseases and how to able to be in this sensual, sexy place and do it responsibly and do it in such a way that everybody stays safe.  And I had to learn about my boundaries and just really learn how to, in a very respectful, in a very sensuous way, steer someone away from a boundary that I’m not willing to cross.

And I also have to help the person that I am in session with to be clear about their boundaries as well, show them what the options are, communicate what their options are, and then allow them the space to experiment within their comfort level.

Chip August:  I notice in the workshops that I lead in ‘Sex, Love and Intimacy’ that people aren’t really very good at being able to verbalize many of the things you just described.  I imagine you must spend a fair amount of time just helping men to have a vocabulary to talk about what they like.  I just notice that so many men have no vocabulary there.  They don't know how to talk about it.

Gypsy:  Yeah, I hear them a lot referring to their genitals as ‘down there’ or ‘my thing’.  So I think, “Oh, do you mean your penis?  Do you mean your cock?”  [Laughs]  and then they may or may not be comfortable with that but I like to at least introduce the idea that that body part does have a name.

So yes, actually encouraging a person to verbalize about what they like and what's feeling good in the moment and where they would like to see the session go and what they are looking to me for is definitely a part of my job.  I can usually tell if I have taken a session in a direction with which they are not quite comfortable and they are not saying anything because they either can't or won't.

I am the one that has to take the responsibility for being verbal about what's happening. So how does this feel to you?  Do you like being stroked this way?  How does this feel when I touch you here?  Would you rather me touch you more this way or I can actually do more of this if you are comfortable with that?  I get that for a lot of people it is the first time they have been talked to that way.

Chip August:  So, I imagine most of the time your clients want to have a fantasy that you are in love with them.  Somehow I just notice that while a lot of men separate some amount of sex and love, there is still that fantasy that, “Wow.  I'm so good.  I'm so powerful that you must be in love with me.”

Do you talk about that?  Do you play into that?  Do you actually fall in love with your clients?

Gypsy:  Every once in a while I'll have someone bring me a gift.  Every once in a while somebody will make a comment to the effect of, “Oh boy, I wish I'd married you” or, “I wish that my wife were more like you” or every once in a while, somebody will ask me out to lunch.  I've only had to actually say to somebody, “You know the rules of this game are that we don't get involved.  We don't take it off the clock.  If we do take it off the clock, we have to have pretty darned good reasons for it.  We both have to be really clear about what we are doing.”

So, that's not encouraged.  But it does come up.  Generally I just smile and bask in the admiration and I just receive.  I just open up and let people give to me.  I feel like it's good for both of us for me to just be a very gracious receiver. 

Truthfully, I really love it.  My clients treat me better than most every boyfriend I've ever had. [Laughs]  So I have to say that a good quality hour with a client is a lot of times worth way more than a weekend with a boyfriend when we're not getting along.  So it's a really nice situation for both of us.

Chip August:  You don't have to answer this if you don't want to.  We didn't talk about it before hand.  But I'm just curious, what does somebody pay for this?  Obviously they pay money but can you talk about how much does something like this cost?

Gypsy: In the industry, I'm just talking exclusively about indoor prostitution, the price range is generally from the very low end around $100 all the way up to the sky is the limit.  There are really, really high-end providers, who charge several thousand dollars an hour and everywhere in between.  I'm more on the lower end of that.

Chip August:  You're not getting $20,000 from each guy each hour?

Gypsy:  [laughs]

Chip August:  When you say indoor, what you mean is that you don't go to the client.  The client comes to your location.  That's what you mean, yes?

Gypsy:  No, actually, the distinction between indoor and outdoor prostitution is that outdoor is typically streetwalking.  That's what a lot of people associate with prostitution.  The negative perception that most people carry around prostitution is what they have seen in the media about the disadvantaged women that work on the streets because they don't have the opportunity to work elsewhere.

Chip August:  Well, that does lead me to the whole thought about that I think there is a myth in American culture that all prostitutes really hate men and that any female sex worker really hates men and one of the revenges that she's taking out on this hatred of men is that she makes them pay for sex.

Is there any truth to that for you?  Do you feel like you are getting back at men for injustices you have felt or anything like that?

Gypsy:  I have found that men a lot of times are actually more comfortable with the clean nature of the transaction.  They are contracting for an hour of my time for X amount of money.  When the hour is over.  We walk away and it is a very finite, clean situation.  There is no expectation of, “Are you going to call me later?  Are you going to take me out to dinner?  Are you going to be around for Christmas?”

It's none of that.  So, essentially I have found that the gentlemen appreciate the availability of what I am offering.  And as a result of that, because they are so positive about it, I don't have any reason to have any negative feelings about them.  I am benefiting tremendously from what I am doing.  I don't really feel like anybody is taking advantage of anybody.  I feel like it is a very mutually beneficial situation.

[Music]

Chip August:  Thanks so much.  Well on that note let's take a little break.  I'm Chip August, and I'm talking to Gypsy about sensual and erotic massage.  I'm going to take a little break and give a chance to give some support to our sponsors.  We will be right back.

[Commercial]

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Chip August:  We are back.  This is Chip August.  I am talking to Gypsy and we are talking about sensual and erotic massage.

Does anything funny ever happen?  What's the funniest thing that ever happened to you in a session?

Gypsy:  Oh gosh.  [Laughs]  Well, every once in a while a guy will ask me, “How do I compare?  How do I stack up?”  I try to be honest.  I try to be as honest as I possibly can without crushing egos.

But generally there is something wonderful to like about everybody.  Occasionally I will have people - this isn't particularly funny, but it’s really common - come with any number of questions, or sexual issues, anything from erectile dysfunction to just extreme fear to, “Well, I've really always wanted to try this and I don't know how.  Could you do a prostate massage on me maybe or something like that?”

People have rather unusual things occasionally.  I have a couple of people that really like me to wear pantyhose.  I have a couple of people that just like to be touched on very specific parts of their body and nowhere else.

One time I had somebody asked me to touch him on about a 1 in.² of flesh right at his perineum for an entire hour, which I was glad to do.  And he was very happy.  So mainly there is just a wide range of sexual practices and sexual desires.  I've noticed that I really need to be ready for almost anything.

Chip August:  You used the word perineum and I noticed my sex educator popped up here.  I want to say to anyone who heard; first a lot of women don't realize that men have a perineum.  So we are really talking about that area from the back of the scrotum to the anus, between the two, between the genitals in the anus.  That little skin there is called the perineum.

Second of all, I want to say to men and women, if you haven't actually played with your perineum or had someone stroke your perineum or you stroke your perineum, you might want to actually go home and play with that area.  It can give a whole different kind of pleasure.

That's just the educator in me.  I like my listeners to learn a little something that they can try, either an exercise that they can do at home or take something out of this besides just information, things that they can actually bring into their lives.

So, have you got some tips for the person who might want to be giving erotic massage to their lover or something of that nature?

Gypsy:  Yeah.  Basically I would say when you are giving an erotic massage don't be in a hurry.  Block out some time, ideally two or three hours, but if you only have an hour then that will do.  Start with the extremities.  Start on the tips of the fingers.  Don't go straight to the genitals or the breasts. 

Be very very slow and use a variety of touch.  Vary your touch from really really light, feathery touch to deeper massage and everything in between.  Use your fingernails.  Use your palms.  Use your tongue.  Use your hair.  Use everything you've got to create different kinds of sensations - feathers, scarves, kitchen utensils, all kinds of household objects can create all kinds of wonderful sensations around the body.

The idea is that you just want to create a heightened sensation in the body.  Sensate focus is really a lot of what can heighten your sexual experience - if you are just aware of what is going on in your body as you are being touched. 

And then when you finally get the body woken up and you've got some sensation and some energy raised in the body and you are ready to move to the genitals then, for women, when you are touching a man's penis, don't be timid. 

Use your creativity.  Play with his balls.  Pull on his scrotum.  Squeeze his balls a little bit.  As Chip mentioned, pull on the perineum a little bit.  There is a spot right on the perineum that if you push straight up into the body and then you can put a little pressure on the prostate.  A lot of times that feels really nice.

If you actually want to play with the prostate, you can put your finger in the man's asshole and find the prostate.  There are several books out there, and various ways you can find out where the prostate is if you don't know.  The guy can probably actually tell you.  He can probably guide you right to it.

Then when you start stroking his cock use your creativity.  There are a huge number of different kinds of strokes that can be used on the penis.  The penis is incredibly sensitive in different ways all the way up and down from the base all the way up the shaft to around the ridge up to the very tip of the head.  All of that real estate should be utilized to its maximum potential.

Again, don't be in a hurry and don't be timid.

Chip August:  Are there any special tricks that you have developed over time like, “When I want him to come, I do this.”

Gypsy:  [laughs] Well, most men are really sensitive around the coronal ridge, which is that sort of raised thing between the head of the penis and the shaft.  Then, on the end or side around that circle is an area that is incredibly sensitive.  So, a lot of times, I will just put my fingers right around the ridge and then put some thumb pressure right on that spot underneath and just kind of pull, and do a nice back and forth pressure around that reach and on that spot.

If that doesn't take him over the edge, that will get him really close.  But you know the thing too is that in a lot of men's sexuality, they are trying to come really fast.  So you might not want to take him over the edge right away.  You might want to tease him and toy with him and torture him a little bit.

You know, you can take him to the edge over and over and over until he is absolutely just a puddle of Jell-O in front of you.  It may be the first time he has ever experienced that.

So I would say not only experiment and do some fun things but also take him to his edge and leave him there for a while. [Laughs]

Chip August:  A good friend of mine years and years and years ago said to me, “You know, the thing that men don't understand is that stopping, taking a break, having a little fruit juice, actually getting out of the bed or out of the place you are in, moving around and then coming back to it, actually makes it better.”  It's not a race.

So I'm a big advocate.  That's one of the things on which I coach couples all the time is,” How about if we make the object of your time together be that it's just going to feel as good as it can for as long as it can.  But there is no object coming.”

You know, you might come, great, but the object here is to feel as good as it can for as long as it can.

Gypsy:  Yeah, yeah, absolutely.  One of the things of which most people are not aware of that is really underutilized is the breath.  If you can actually train yourself - in our world, I don't know why, but we have forgotten how to breathe.  We use about a third of our breath capacity.  That breath can actually be the vehicle where that sensation that you feel so intensely in your genitals that you can't hold onto, that eventually you want to shoot it out the end of your cock, you want to ejaculate and explode in five minutes after being touched.  The breath is the vehicle that can disperse that energy throughout the body.

You can hold a lot more erotic sensation throughout your entire body than you ever thought possible.  So if you can stop, slow down a bit, breathe a lot and just be in that sensation and allow that sensation to inhabit the rest of your body and take it out so much of being centralized in your cock, you'll be amazed at the height of your arousal, and the length of your arousal.  And then when you finally do have an ejaculation, it's probably going to be way more intense than you ever experienced from just a really short arousal cycle.

Chip August:  Do you have some clients who orgasm but don't ejaculate?

Gypsy:  Yeah, actually, older gentleman who have had some prostate surgery.  Apparently that will cause a retrograde ejaculation.  Some types of drugs will limit the amount of ejaculate and will also cause it to retain in the body.

So yeah, there are, after you have come a couple of times and then you don't have any more ejaculate then you're not going to be ejaculating at that point either.  I understand dry orgasms for a man are pretty exciting as well.  So even though you've come once or twice, you can come again in the same session.

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Chip August:  Wow, OK.  I need to cool off a little bit.  We are going to take a short break and give our sponsors a chance to chime in and give us a chance to support them.  You're listening to Chip August.  This is ‘Sex Love and Intimacy’ and we're talking to Gypsy.  And we will be right back.

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Chip August:  We are back.  This is Chip August.  I'm talking to Gypsy and we are talking about sensual massage.

I had a thought on the break.  It seems to me that some women who are going to listen to this podcast are going to think that you are the enemy.  You are the person that breaks up relationships and that makes husbands wants to come to you instead of coming home to their wives and that you are somehow bad for a relationship.

Do you have any thoughts about that?

Gypsy:  Yeah, I do.  I hear, with surprising frequency my married clients say to me that they see me, because it makes them a better husband.  For one reason or the other people end up in sexless marriages, or they end up in marriages where there is sexual activity happening but it's not exactly what they want.  Or they want to be able to experiment a bit and they know their partner is not willing.

Perhaps they want to try a little anal play and they know their partner isn't going to be up for that.  Rather than throw out the baby with the bathwater and completely dissolve the marriage, which is not an option for many people, if they could be open with their wives, “I'm going to go see a provider so that I can have the anal play experience that I want.  Or I can do the things that you don't like to do.” 

A lot of women don't like to give oral sex.  A lot of women just don't like to do certain things.  A lot of husbands have made the decision that they are not going to go without that in their lives.  So the feedback I get is that they are doing these things with me so that they can go home and be a better husband.

This is one of the reasons that I consider that prostitution is still illegal in this country, or is vilified to the level that it is.  I believe that there is a perception that prostitution does wreck homes and ruin marriages and that we are so pro-marriage in our culture that marriage is in the main option for people.  If you want to have intimacy with another human being then marriage is really the main option that is put out there.

I believe we have this misguided vigilance about protecting marriage to the exclusion of many other things that are really important to us. 

So, no, my perception is that I am actually saving marriages and I will never, ever, ever encourage a person to end their marriage.  It is not something that I am ethically comfortable with.  I always encourage people to go back home and take some of the things that we've done and spice up your marriage and spice up your sex life with your partner and talk openly with them and be as fully disclosing with them as you possibly can about what you want and what you like and what you're doing.

I'm even OK with you telling them that you see me if you can possibly manage that.  I understand about a lot of people can't, but I really believe that truth and openness and honesty in a relationship is the only way to go.

Chip August:  And are there resources that people can find that can help them with this?

Gypsy:  If a couple would like to explore erotic massage, there is a series of excellent DVDs that were produced by a teacher of mine, Dr. Joseph Kramer, who is located in the San Francisco Bay area.  He has a website that is called eroticmassage.com.  He sells all of his DVDs.  He has a DVDs on cock massage, pussy massage, vulva massage, anal massage, internal and external, masturbation, etc. etc. etc.

Many of the techniques that I use, many of the strokes that I use on my clients I learned directly off his DVDs.  There is actually a training class called Sexological Body Work that's given in California that is really just about that.  It's just about teaching these techniques to people in a context of providing erotic massage or actually just providing an erotic experience for someone so that they can have a tangible experience of what their own sexual energy feels like.

The way that that experience is created is through a watered down form of erotic massage that is really effective and really wonderful.  It incorporates the breath work.  It incorporates all of these techniques that are on the DVDs.  But I would encourage people to check out the work of Dr. Joseph Kramer and acquire his materials.  They are excellent.

I haven't actually found any good books on erotic massage to tell you the truth.  I wish somebody would write the definitive manual on erotic massage, but it's just not really out there.  There is a lot of stuff in the Tantra world that overlaps quite a bit with erotic massage.  There are a lot of the same breath work techniques, and a lot of the same touch techniques, and just the approach of becoming more aware of one's erotic energy.

There's more and more stuff all the time.  Unfortunately, it is still a little bit esoteric.

Chip August:  And if someone was trying to find a sensual massage or an erotic massage - they are listening to you and they think, “I want to hire that person or somebody like that person.” - given that it is lumped in with prostitution and that in many states it is illegal, how does somebody go about finding a good sensual massage?

Gypsy:  The Internet has drastically opened up this area both from the provider standpoint as well as for the individuals seeking adult services.  One can pretty much locate the adult services website in your area on the Internet relatively easily through the search functions. 

On those websites typically the services are pretty well delineated from escort to massage to BDSM to transvestite to whatever it is that you're looking for.  The ads are usually really descriptive.  The providers are usually really clear about what they provide.  It's amazingly easy to find pretty much nationwide, if you're willing to use the Internet.

Chip August:  Well, Gypsy, it's really been a lot of fun talking to you.  I feel like you were wise and had a lot of really great information for people.  As usual, I really enjoyed our time together.

As we and, I just have a last question, just a place to leave on.  Do you think a sensual massage is something that everyone in life should experience?  Is this a good thing?  Is this something for everyone?  Is it just for some people?  Is it just for the lonely?  In the end, what do you think about all this?

Gypsy: I believe that our world is touch starved pretty much across the board.  I believe that we are really disconnected from our sexuality through believing it's taboo to believing it’s dirty.  There is sexual shame that gets delivered to us through various religious practices and approaches and I believe that marrying the two - loving touch and sexuality - is an absolutely fantastic, incredible experience that I would recommend to anybody.

If done in a loving and responsible and safe and exciting context, it can be a profound and a very moving experience.

[Music]

Chip August:  Amen.  Absolutely.  This is Chip August.  I want to thank our guest Gypsy.  It's been a pleasure to have you here, sharing your insights and your wisdom.

I want to say to our listeners, if you have questions or comments or ideas for future shows, you can reach me at [email protected] I'd love to hear your comments and I'd love to hear your ideas.

I hope you enjoyed the time with us today.  I hope you join us again next time.  Until then, have lots of sex love and intimacy.

[Music ends]

Chip August:  This is Chip August.  You are listening to Sex Love and Intimacy.  I like to give an exercise to go along with each show.

As I was listening to our guest today I was just thinking about different ways that we can be sensual together.  One of the funniest, sweetest, most fun exercises that I've ever done involved collecting all kinds of things that I don't normally think all of as involved with sex and sexuality, and using them for a massage.

The way this exercise works is pretty simple.  I ask my partner if my partner would be willing to close their eyes and lie down first on their belly and then after a while turn over onto their back.  And then when their eyes were closed I brought in a bag that included a fork, a gardening fork, a knife, a butter knife, an eggbeater, a whisk, a letter opener, and a pencil that had an eraser on the end.  I brought in a straw.  I brought in some drinking glasses.  I brought in a couple of things from the refrigerator - condiment jars from the refrigerator.  I brought in one ice cube.  I brought in various scarves, silk, towels and also a feather duster.

I had a big pile and I brought them all in and set them down on the bed with a clunk.  Of course, my partner’s got their eyes closed.  They have no idea what I'm about to do.

And then, finding all kinds of different implements I gently tickled and massaged and played with and ran these instruments all up and down my partner.  I can remember using a turkey baster.  I can remember using tongs.  No pain - none of this was about pain.  All of this was about sensuality.

It was just remarkable.  Running these toys, these implements, these utensils up and down my partner’s body with her trying to guess what in the world I was stroking her with now, first while she was lying on her belly, then turning her over onto her back.

I went for about 10 minutes and then turned her over.  We went for about 10 minutes more.  Then when we were all done, she got a chance to open her eyes and look at all the toys.  Then she took all the toys and left the room and yelled to me, “All right now close your eyes.” And then came back with her whole set of toys.

Some of them were the same.  Some of them were different.  I just noticed for about an hour we just had uproarious laughing fun.

So I want to invite you to go on a search of your house.  Find all kinds of things that you can stroke your partner with, nothing that will hurt them, just all kinds of different sensations and textures, all different kinds of shapes and weights and sizes and, if you can, different temperatures.  If you want, even things that have different pleasant odors.

And then have an absolute stroking bonanza.  Have a joyous time just playing with these things that we never think of to bring into our sexuality and that we never think of as part of enhancing and playing with our sexuality.  In this way, you can bring a whole level of sensuality that may never have been available to you before.

I want to invite you to bring your little kid out to play.  Be curious.  Have a really good time when you do it.

And, that's our exercise for this week.  This is Chip August.  You've been listening to ‘Sex Love and Intimacy’.  I hope you have lots of all of them in your life.  And I hope you'll join us again next time.

Bye for now.

[Music]

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