Episode 5: How to Attract, talk to, and Seduce Quality Women with Grant Adams
Do you want to be a better lover? Do This One Thing!
By Lori Buckey, Psy.D., CST.
This is a tip I know you’ve heard before…but it is worth repeating. It’s fun, easy, and can easily turn a good lover into a great lover.
In our very busy lives we are often hurrying to get every thing done. We have multi-tasking, fast food, high-speed internet access, quickies, etc. If you must have a quick fix, here’s a great one that can actually improve your love making skills.
- The one thing I hear most from women is that they wish their partner would go slower
- Start with undressing. Do you and your partner just take off your clothes? While it is sometimes exciting to rip clothing off in the heat of passion, it’s much more stimulating to undress yourself and/or your partner very slowly, one at a time…relish every moment
- I can’t say enough about long, slow, passionate kisses
- Remember that skin is the largest erogenous zone of your body. Don’t be so quick to get to the genitals. Enjoy every inch of your lover’s body…then slowly circle around your partner’s nipples and genitals with your fingers, mouth and/or tongue in a teasing fashion. Your partner will be begging for more
- Whether it’s oral sex, manual sex or intercourse…go nice and slow
- Tell your partner that you want to make love for hours…no coming allowed. When pleasure becomes the focus, rather than orgasm, the experience can be mind-blowing
- Take breaks…take a break from intercourse to incorporate sensual touch, oral sex, warm scented bath, or to share chocolate covered strawberry
Do you have any great ideas, suggestions or comments? Would you like to share your experiences? I would love to hear from you! Post to my blog athttp://www.personallifemedia.com/blogs/on-the-minds-of-men/
How to Attract, talk to, and Seduce Quality Women
Announcer: This is intended for mature audiences only.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Hi. You are listening to ‘On The Minds of Men’, uncensored sex talk with Dr. Lori Buckley. That’s me.
Well today we have a great show. A really interesting guy, Grant Adams, is going to be speaking to us about attraction, how to attract beautiful women on top of that, how to talk to them and how to seduce them.
Grant Adams: If you want a good man, and if you want to keep a good man, you need to actively appreciate a quality man more deeply into his virtues.
Dr. Lori Buckley: But it is the power I think that women are attracted to rather than the actual cash.
Grant Adams: It’s the power. It’s the safety. It’s, you know, because like I said it goes back to the cave, it's almost like this man will provide primal resources that will make my baby safe. I think it's that primal. Even if it's not conscious, it's back there. Trigger attraction. Inspire devotion.
Dr. Lori Buckley: So I have my sidekick and friend Mark Phelan with me today. I'm just kind of interested on what Mark might have to say about attracting beautiful women.
Mark Phelan: I'm going to listen to every word he has to say and memorize every single word. I need this desperately.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Well, I think you are definitely going to learn something. I have to tell you I was quite surprised, this guy really does know women. So yeah, I want you to take notes, and we'll talk about it on a future show.
But I'm just wondering, do you listeners out there all have your standby pickup lines or techniques, like the thing that you know always works, whether it's in bed or out of bed? Mark, what about you? Do you have any standard pickup lines or no fail techniques?
Mark Phelan: Well, you know, weird things start to happen when you get older. The first one is that you start to lose your memory. I forget the other two.
Dr. Lori Buckley: [laughs] So, OK. But just because you get older and you don't have a memory doesn't mean that you can't have good sex.
Mark Phelan: But if it's been a long time since you had good sex and you have no memory, it sucks.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Poor Mark. Well Mark, I encourage you to listen to the show and I'm sure you will learn a few things. And you will have quality, beautiful women phoning you and knocking at your door in no time. I'm not sure I'll guarantee that. But maybe Grant would.
Anyway, we are going to be speaking with Grant Adams in just a moment. But I do want you to absolutely stay tuned at the end of the interview with Grant. I am going to give you another exercise, something to increase your confidence level in the bedroom. So we will be talking with Grant.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Welcome to ‘On The Minds of Men – Uncensored Sex Talk’. I'm your host Dr. Lori Buckley.
Today on the show we are talking about attraction and seduction. Our guest today is Grant Adams. He is an expert on attraction. After a devastating divorce and a case of low self-esteem, Grant was on a mission to raise his confidence and improve his quality of life.
He's made it his life work to become a master in attracting high-quality women. We have to ask him about what that means. Grant believes that anyone can learn how to attract beautiful women, and that it doesn't require good looks or money.
Today Grant will be talking about ways to draw quality women into your life and how to talk to and seduce them. This is going to be interesting. And be sure to stay tuned, because of the end of the show Grant will be giving us his best tips on Internet dating.
Grant Adams: Hey, welcome. I mean, thank you.
Dr. Lori Buckley: [laughs] Well, you're welcome.
Grant Adams: No, you're welcome.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Well thank you so much for joining us today. I know our listeners want to hear all that you have to say and certainly want to hear your advice and guidance on attracting beautiful women.
I guess I first want to ask you, what do you mean when you say quality women?
Grant Adams: Well, I'm glad you said that because I was listening to you and I haven't really made it my life's work to become a master in attracting high-quality women. I've made it to my life's work to be a high quality man, such that I naturally attract high-quality women.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Ah, I like that.
Grant Adams: Oh, I’m glad. You are one of them. So what I mean by high-quality women - it's kind of an easy divide for me. There are women who enhance a man's life and there are women who detract from a man's life.
I think when you are young and you just want experience you are much more undiscriminating. Right? You just want a woman.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Right, a naked one on top of that.
Grant Adams: A naked one would be good. And another naked one on top of that. And at some point it just shifts, you say, “You know what, I am tired of putting my valuable life energy into women who are demoralizing me, taking me away from my highest purpose, taking away from my passions, taking me away from myself.” And you start looking for women who will enhance me as a man.
Dr. Lori Buckley: How so?
Grant Adams: Well it's a two-way street.
Dr. Lori Buckley: OK.
Grant Adams: So, first of all you have to be a man. You have to really have a sense of who you are and it doesn't have to be completed. But you have to have a sense of what you're about. There is a word I use a lot now - a sense of your service to the world. How are you serving the people around you - your family, your friends, your community, your country, the world? Who are you in the context of the world? You're not all about yourself.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Right.
Grant Adams: And if you can find a woman who sees that in you, it's her pleasure to become a support and a guide so that you are continually moving further into your greater manhood. And that is her service. That is the feminine service to the masculine.
Dr. Lori Buckley: So, I love what you're saying. And I'm wondering what a way to sum that up be - a quality woman would be a woman who makes you feel like a quality man.
Grant Adams: That’s good. I mean, the formula I'm using now - we're going to talk about formulas - I'm actually writing a book for women now and really getting deeply into the mind of women.
Dr. Lori Buckley: But this is ‘On the Minds of Men’.
Grant Adams: This is ‘On the Minds of Men’, but it's good to know the other side. I don't want to say the enemy.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Very true.
Grant Adams: It’s really important to know. In fact, my next book is going to be exactly about that. But I tell women that if you want a good man and if you want to keep a good man you need to actively appreciate a quality man more deeply into his virtues because men really do look for guidance from women. And we want to perform for women.
Not perform sexually, necessarily. And we will talk about that, I think –
Dr. Lori Buckley: But what – oh go on.
Grant Adams: It's our reward. It's why we do anything. I remember in high school I used to say, if there weren't women, if there weren't girls watching me in my sports or in the theater I would just stay home. It gives us a reason to do something.
I think men need to realize how deeply they want to please women, not just sexually and not just make them laugh although that's part of it. But we really live to brighten a woman's day. It makes us fulfilled.
So the woman that can reflect that appreciation back makes us feel like a million bucks.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Right. Or a quality man.
Grant Adams: Or a quality man.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Another way to put it. Well here's something, we talk about quality men and being in service, certainly wanting to please their women. I agree with you. I know for a fact, personally and professionally, that certainly women do appreciate that and want that from their men.
You say it's not looks, money or success that will attract a beautiful woman into your life. What is it about this attraction? How do men attract these women initially?
Grant Adams: All right. So obviously looks, money and success help. It can definitely help. But what does it help, see?
Again, sorry to talk about women, but there is a parallel. A beautiful woman, a girl who grows up, and she is just beautiful - there is something called a halo effect. Men will look at her and just assume that she is virtuous. You can see this in the history of art and movies. If someone is beautiful we ascribe virtue to them.
So they actually don't have to develop their virtues. They don't have to develop their generosity, their compassion, or their empathy. They can just go on being bitches.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Get by on their looks.
Grant Adams: Yeah, and they will still get by. And, the thing is with men who are like that, and women catch on sooner or later. I think around their 30s, they start going, “You know what? All these good-looking model guys” - I know so many women, I live in LA, right, who won't go out with models because they always are going to be more about themselves.
Ultimately, women really don't want a guy who is better looking than them. And I know beautiful women who have told me stories, “I used to date this model or this actor” and I'm like, wow. And they go, “No, it was horrible. Because we would walk in somewhere and everyone would look at him.”
And the women want to be looked at themselves.
Dr. Lori Buckley: So an advantage of not being an attractive man is you will make your woman feel that much more beautiful.
Grant Adams: You don't want to be prettier than she is, that's for sure. But, in terms of money and success, that's a little different. The problem is that money is the parallel equivalent to beauty for a woman. And it will attract the wrong kind of woman. Women will be attracted for the money.
What that money can signify, and certainly success can signify - and I put them both under a larger umbrella, which is being a captain of your own ship - I think that's the attraction. A man who is in control of his life is attractive whether he has money or he is successful in some other way. He could be a great teacher, and if he just owns that classroom and inspires children - am I right? You're a woman. - that's attractive. He is captaining his ship.
He's not dependent on other people. He's not emasculated. Women are attracted to that on a very primal level. It goes back to the cave.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Power - we can sort of say those same things and fill in the word power. And there is something very attractive. Now it just so happens that often time powerful men are very successful and therefore they have a lot of money. But it is the power I think that women are attracted to rather than the actual cash.
Grant Adams: It’s the power. It’s the safety. It’s, you know, because like I said it goes back to the cave, it's almost like this man will provide primal resources that will make my baby safe. I think it's that primal. Even if it's not conscious, it's back there.
This is a guy who can control his cave. He's got enough firewood. He knows how to bring home the mastodon. Then again, it's primal.
Dr. Lori Buckley: It’s the evolutionary component.
Grant Adams: I think it's really important. Someone who is captain of his own ship is very sexy.
Dr. Lori Buckley: I think that, I was going to read a quote that you say, and I think that's what you're talking about. I want you to go a little bit more into it.
You say that it's the who you are that's more important than the how you are. Can you elaborate a little bit on that?
Grant Adams: Yeah. I do want to. I talk about this a lot. I think a lot of guys who are trying to figure women out, and we all are, all the time just trying to figure out how do I get a girl? And so guys like to fix things and to do things rather than just to be, right?
So they say, “What do I do? What's the trick? What's the pickup line?” You know I talk about my teaching as being the cure for the common pickup line, because you don't become dependent on technique.
Dr. Lori Buckley: And that goes for sex as well.
Grant Adams: Absolutely for sex, knowing technique is really important. It's like the first stage. You've got to know basic technique. You've got to know the physiology of a woman's vagina. You have to know how a woman works. But the technique is the first level.
It's the same with attraction. For everything I write, my byline is, ‘Trigger attraction. Inspire devotion.’ And there are ways to trigger attraction again on this very primal level when you first interact with a woman. Be kind of teasing. And be kind of pushing and pulling, kind of demonstrating your authority and confidence in a fun and playful way. Lightness is very attractive.
Or there are little acts of generosity, which are unexpected, which can be very attractive and can really turn you on.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Women love surprises.
Grant Adams: Woman love surprises, especially little gifty surprises. But there is a deeper level, which is inspiring devotion. That's really what I am getting at when I said I'm really devoting my life to being such a great man that I actually really like myself. I attract really amazing women. And I am proud of for my kids as well. I have two sons, and I want to show them that I am the kind of man that inspires devotion.
So it's that difference between being somebody and actually doing something. It's important to learn how to do things and how to be funny and have funny stories and interesting insights and that kind of thing. But who are you as a man? Women can sense that.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Right. If it's an act or you are just performing. Again, I love this because there is such a parallel between relationships and sex.
So, listeners, if you think about, whatever Grant is saying as either this fits in a relationship, so sort of the back and forth communication, seduction or in bed. And, I think what you are talking about - I said at the beginning that you were suffering from low self-esteem.
Grant Adams: Oh boy.
Dr. Lori Buckley: This sounds like the answer to how you raise your self-esteem. Well, you could do things. And if it's going by the numbers and not being then you know you are just performing or going through the motions. But when you be this person, this man who you can be proud of, and that raises your confidence, how does that then affect the women you attract or how you are in bed?
Grant Adams: That’s a big question. I like to caution. My self-esteem was destroyed with my divorce. I really felt like a total failure. But internally, I still knew I had a lot of resources. And internally I knew I had something.
There are a lot of guys who don't really feel that. They're young, or they haven't had a lot of success with women. And so I always say that doing this stuff, learning, not pickup techniques, but attraction techniques is important. I don't like to totally detract from that. I think it's a really important step because it can give you confidence, and then you are ready for the next step.
It's like after you get divorced you go out and have tons of sex with as many women as possible, and it really helps. It actually helps really build your self-esteem. And then you get to a point and I don't know what kind of language I can use on this show –
Dr. Lori Buckley: You can say anything. It is uncensored.
Grant Adams: I wrote a piece called, ‘From Fucking Everything That Moves to Being Moved By Everything You Fuck’.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Love it!
Grant Adams: And there came – literally -a moment for me when I was with somebody and I was thinking, “You know what? You need to find a husband. I shouldn't be here with you. You're in your mid-30s. I know you really want a family. I know I am not the guy for you.” And it was right in the middle of when we were having sex. And it just hit me that this isn't what I wanted to do.
Dr. Lori Buckley: When you were in the middle of having sex you were having this conversation?
Grant Adams: No, no. It was in my head.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Oh, oh, oh. OK.
Grant Adams: I was just reviewing my business plan for the next day. No, I'm just kidding.
But yeah, it just really hit me hard. And I wouldn't have gotten to that, unless I had gone through all the technique and learn how to pick up women and had lots of sex and got my confidence back. So men do need to get their confidence first through what may seem like less deep ways. But they are really important steps.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Yeah, and I'm going to say, we can use the word technique. But maybe another word that we can use instead of that is knowledge? Power?
Grant Adams: Knowledge, practice. There is something about the actual doing and going through these steps and having little accomplishments. That's how guys work. We like to have our accomplishments. And then we set our sights on the next higher level. Hopefully.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Yeah, that makes sense. So we know a lot of things that we don't necessarily act on.
Grant Adams: Exactly.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Well, we have to take a short break. I'm Dr. Lori. I’m with Grant Adams, and we will be right back.
Dr. Lori Buckley: We’re back and you're listening to ‘On the Minds of Men’. I'm your host, Dr. Lori. We are talking with Grant Adams about attraction, about technique, about knowledge, about confidence, all these wonderful, wonderful things.
So before the break we were talking about techniques. Let's talk about that a little bit more.
Grant Adams: OK.
Dr. Lori Buckley: What are some techniques that you have that you can tell our listeners about talking to women?
Grant Adams: OK. So, just to do a little background, I first began this work when I wrote a book on how to attract women online literally with language, because I've been a writer all my life. I've been a very high level marketer. I have been a successful screenwriter. I taught writing at Stanford. I really love language.
And I love women's language. I love poetry. I have that advantage.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Unlike a lot of other men.
Grant Adams: And I really advise men to read what women read.
Dr. Lori Buckley: That's a good idea.
Grant Adams: Well, yeah. It's all about learning how to hear language the way women hear language, which is very different. Sometimes when I teach men I give them an example of a profile that I write, and I say, “Now, you're going to read this and you are going to squirm when you read this. And that's a good sign, because it's not meant for your ears.”
Dr. Lori Buckley: Oh, I see.
Grant Adams: And then I'll say, “This is what I write to a woman. And now I'm going to tell you how a woman will hear it.” And they are like, “Wow, that's what they hear?”
Dr. Lori Buckley: Can you give me an example? I'm intrigued.
Grant Adams: Ah, let’s see. I don't have something in front of me, but I'll say something like - here's a great example - I opened one with a series of questions - do you find yourself floating on air in bouts of creativity or something like that. Do you find yourself surrendering to sudden surprising fits of laughter?
When a guy hears the word surrender he's going to go, “I don't want to surrender!” That's very threatening. But a woman is dying to surrender. She's dying to surrender to a man she trusts. So there are ways to create a sense of trust and that you're safe with me. And you will be able to surrender and be a woman and receive something that is exciting to a man.
I will write something like; I teach guys how to write - say a guy loves to ride his motorcycle, say a car; he loves to drive his car fast on mountain roads. I'll say, well why don't you write this - I would say this in a profile to the woman who he doesn't even know yet: “Can you feel it? We are racing along a mountain road hugging the curves”, you know.
Give a physical sensation. Use body language. Use a sensual language about what it feels like. “Your shoulders pressing against mine as we take the turn”. Women will go, “Oh! That feels good.” She will feel the language in a way that men generally won't.
Men like to communicate their data. They like to get information across. Women want to feel language. So I teach my men how to do that.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Yeah, it's definitely much more attractive than, “I like driving fast in my car.”
Grant Adams: Yeah, it's just a fact. There is nothing. But if you can invite a woman into a picture, and she will project herself into that picture, my experience has been that when you finally meet them, if I meet them on the Internet, for example, they already like me. They already feel attached to me. There is a physical connection, because in their mind they have rehearsed these pictures.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Ah, so there has been some firing in their brain that has connected you with an experience.
Grant Adams: Yeah.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Yeah.
Grant Adams: Yeah, it's writing, you know.
Dr. Lori Buckley: I like it. I like it. OK, so on that note, we are talking about Internet dating. And we are going to talk about that before we wrap up. I want you to give some of your top tips. But I also want to talk a little bit about seduction.
Now, I think all of the things that you have said so far certainly can be seductive. There is no question about it. But let's just move a little bit closer into the bedroom or not. Seduction doesn't always start the bedroom.
Grant Adams: Kitchen.
Dr. Lori Buckley: The kitchen, great place unless she's washing the dishes.
Grant Adams: The dungeon.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Men, do not grab your woman's boobs when she's washing the dishes. Women don't like that, or their ass. They don't like that.
But seduction - what knowledge can you impart on our listeners about that?
Grant Adams: Well, seduction - it's a loaded word, and definitely a hot subject. There is a notion of seduction, which is from seducere, the Latin word. It's really ‘to pull someone away from’.
There is an idea of seduction of doing things to women that they don't want. And then there is the idea of seduction, seducing them into something that they do want.
So I'm all about, obviously, the first. I'm not all about the second.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Well, just that word you said - can you say that again?
Grant Adams: Seduction?
Dr. Lori Buckley: In Latin.
Grant Adams: Seducere.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Yeah, I love that. If, men you say that, you're in.
Grant Adams: Learn Italian boys!
Dr. Lori Buckley: Speak a foreign language, especially Italian.
Grant Adams: Ti amo. Ti amo, belladonna. So when I think about seduction I think about it in terms of marketing. OK? So there is a great parallel here. And I'm not being flippant at all.
The key to marketing is that a good marketer learns about his prospects. Right? He learns about what his potential customer really wants in a product and what value can you offer that person? And how can you couch it in a way where they are going to associate feelings with it? And say, “I'm going to take that thing”.
Well, when I think about seduction, it's the same it really as relationship over time. Here it is. I learned it from a spiritual teacher up in the Bay Area. Her name is Kali Ma, and I definitely want to give her credit, because when she said it literally brought tears to my eyes. It was like one of those lightning revelations.
She said, “Love is loving the other from their point of view in the little moments of time.” Now, what I love about that - yeah, number one it takes you out of yourself. You're not pulling somebody. You're thinking, “What is this person feeling? What is this person about? How can I love her from her point of view? What is important to her? That takes your attention off of yourself and onto her.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Women love that.
Grant Adams: Yeah. And you know men like it too but not as much as women. And then in the little moments of time, this is the great thing, because guys think that they need to do these grand gestures. You know that two dozen roses bullshit.
If you know that her favorite flower is a tulip, and you can confirm this, right you are a woman. If you find that one tulip on the bed when you come home, how much sexier is that? He listened. He heard me. I said I love Edelweiss, that's another example. Or, I love tuber roses, you know.
If he hears that and finds that one little thing instead of the big show, it moves women. It really opens them up.
Dr. Lori Buckley: You know, it's huge and from what you said, it lets us know that you are paying attention. I talk to couples all the time about this. They think that in order to have good sex or good relationships that it requires all this work.
It does require some effort but not a lot of effort. How fun is it when you can arrange this little surprise for a woman that you love and you know that she is going to be thrilled and appreciate that. And of course if she isn't, you probably want to move on. [Laughs]
Grant Adams: No, absolutely true by the way. If a woman can't appreciate what you're giving her, absolutely move on, because it will sap your life.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Exactly.
Grant Adams: I wrote a song about somebody I was with called, ‘She Don’t Say Thank You, She Says More’.
Dr. Lori Buckley: [laughs]. I like it. Can you give us a little verse?
Grant Adams: That's the verse. That's the song. Over and over and over until it became a primal scream.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Yeah, and I'm sure, listeners you've all met that woman. Yeah, you want to be appreciated, and when you are appreciated and this goes for you men too, when you appreciate it makes your partner want to do those things even more.
Grant Adams: Absolutely. And you know what's funny; as I am listening to you I was thinking that you said it is not a lot of work. The work it is is paying attention to the other person. And yeah, that's a little bit of work, but on the other hand it's also kind of liberating. It gets you out of your own head. It gets you out of your own problems. And pleasing somebody and having that burst of sunshine and joy on a woman's face makes your day. It makes your entire day.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Well, if you're a quality man.
Grant Adams: If you are a quality man.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Yeah. I don't know, man, if you have any comments or questions, write me. Write to [email protected] I'd love to hear your comments about what we are talking. I find it fascinating. And I have to say that I agree with a lot of what you're saying.
There is something about knowing the techniques in knowing what women want. Now, do we know what all women want? We can't really make a blanket statement. But we can say with all most clear certainty that a woman is going to love it when you pay attention to her and when you're interested in her in surprise her. Don't try to fix things, but care about her. Those are all wonderful qualities. And it's all the things that you're talking about. I think it's fabulous.
Grant Adams: I do know one thing that all women do like though.
Dr. Lori Buckley: OK. All women. Lets go.
Grant Adams: It’s really dirty.
Dr. Lori Buckley: OK. I'm ready.
Grant Adams: Warm feet.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Warm feet!
Grant Adams: [laughs]
Dr. Lori Buckley: Do you know that there is a scientific study about warm feet?
Grant Adams: Yes. I do.
Dr. Lori Buckley: You do? Let's tell our listeners. I know that too. Amazing.
Grant Adams: Yeah, I was dating a doctor and I said, how come women’s feet are always - they always say, oh your feet are so warm and your hands are so warm - and I said, "Why is that?” And she said that apparently your capillaries or whatever, your blood vessels are actually narrower in your extremities than men's are for whatever reason.
I find always, if you can keep a woman's feet warm, pay attention to her feet, it just makes them so happy.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Here's the interesting thing. That's a totally different fact then the one I am going to give you. But that's a good one. So we have a double meaning for the warm feet.
Women's feet, I think specifically their big toe, but there is something there that those nerves are connected in your brain next to the same area that is where your genital connections are. When a woman's feet are warm she will be more responsive and receptive - responsive sexually period.
This is something I read somewhere, or heard somewhere. Don't quote me. But this makes sense. It makes sense with what you are talking about too. So warm feet in general, I guess you really can't go wrong.
Grant Adams: You can't go wrong.
Dr. Lori Buckley: It couldn't hurt.
Grant Adams: Pay attention to her feet.
Dr. Lori Buckley: It couldn't hurt.
Grant Adams: Pay attention to her feet. Buy her sweet little slippers.
Dr. Lori Buckley: A nice little foot massage.
Grant Adams: Rub her feet. It never fails.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Yeah, there you go. OK. So we are almost out of time, but as promised Grant is going to give us his top tips on Internet dating.
Grant Adams: Ha! Well OK, so I wrote this book called ‘Net to Bed’ – net2bed.com obviously. But there are actually 39 principles in that book. But I will give you a few of them.
Dr. Lori Buckley: OK.
Grant Adams: And they are all great. But I will give you a few.
Dr. Lori Buckley: We want your top ones.
Grant Adams: It's hard to say what the top is. But here are some general ones. One is, you need to demonstrate that you're excited about your life. All right. You can't demonstrate neediness. You can't demonstrate blah.
Dr. Lori Buckley: No pouting.
Grant Adams: God, no pouting. No complaining. No feeling powerless. Even if you feel powerless don't convey it. And guess what? The less you convey that the less powerless you begin to feel.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Absolutely.
Grant Adams: Fake it until you make it kind of thing. So you want to show that you're excited about your life. Use upbeat, active, dynamic words that you are a fun guy to be with. That's easy, right?
The other one we talked about a little is speak to a woman's heart. Speak to feelings. Speak in a language she can feel. I call it embedding sexuality without talking about sex. And the basic rule is, and I show you how to do it with food and sports and driving and bicycle riding and cleaning up the house, basically anything. Everything that's not sex that you talk about is actually sex in a woman's ears.
Dr. Lori Buckley: OK.
Grant Adams: She'll be saying, “Hmm, if he feels this way about bicycle riding, and he feels the heat in his legs, wow! He likes endurance sports. And you can write about what it feels like to push the limits. She'll be thinking about sex.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Talk about your big bicycle?
Grant Adams: No, not overtly and not yet. But really talk about your body and how in touch you are with your body and that you actually are an embodied man and that you're sensually alive. You love the taste of wine in your mouth, whatever it is. Talk about your body, not in a gross way, but about how you enjoy the world. Because she will say, “Oh, he is really sensitive to touch and smell and taste. Hmm, this guy could be interesting.” Most guys never think of that.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Yeah, it makes sense.
Grant Adams: Another one is, talk about her. My most successful profiles, and I have guys do this is you don't say, “I am a lawyer. I like to go scuba diving.” You know, blah blah blah. They just lay out the facts, right?
Talk about her. Talk about her. Say, “I've launched into one. You are vivacious and witty, openhearted with a huge laugh. You are cool because you are compassionate with people even when you don't like them.” And I will just say things about them general enough and positive enough so that positive women will go, “Wow. He really knows me.” And I had all these e-mails saying, “I feel like you really know me.”
Dr. Lori Buckley: Quality women.
Grant Adams: Quality women, who are positive, compassionate, creative, all the things I am looking for. I will raise them up even though I don't know them by describing them in fairly general ways so that they will feel that I will pay attention to them.
Dr. Lori Buckley: You know, that is a great tip. You know, women want to be gotten. I think what you're saying is that they will read that and go, “Oh, he totally gets me.”
Grant Adams: I've gotten that so many times.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Yeah, I love it. Some are really, really great tips. And if you are interested in learning the other 36 top tips on how to apply these principles to online dating, go to net2bed.com.
Grant Adams: I just want to say that it's short form – ‘Net 2 Bed Net 2 Wed – How To Attract the Woman of Your Dreams For a Night, a Lifetime, or Anything in Between’. So it's about being attractive.
Obviously Net 2 Bed is shorter. And I am speaking to men.
Dr. Lori Buckley: So this isn't just about getting laid.
Grant Adams: No, not at all.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Although –
Grant Adams: It's part of it.
Dr. Lori Buckley: It's certainly part of it.
Grant Adams: It's about how to be attractive to any woman for any situation.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Yeah. I'm actually very impressed, very impressed with you Grant. This is some great information for our listeners. I hope you will all take notes and listen to this again because it is really great stuff. Women are going to love you everywhere.
If you also want to find out more about what we spoke about on the show go to Grant's website. Here's another one. It's called thecompleteattractor.com.
Well, that brings us to the end of the show. Thank you so much for joining us. It was really some great information. For text and transcripts of this show, and also other shows on Personal Life Media Network, please visit our website at personallifemedia.com. Again if you have any letters or comments, send them to me – [email protected].
This is your host, Dr. Lori Buckley. We are just going to take a short break and when we return I am going to give you an exercise that will help you raise your confidence.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Hi. This is Dr. Lori Buckley and here is your exercise for the day. You know, we talk about building confidence as a lover and Grant said that one way to build confidence is to have sex with lots of women. Well, I'm not so sure I necessarily agree with him on that one. But I will tell you that what I'm going to tell you is one thing that you can do. So it's nice and simple. And it really will make you a better lover. So hopefully that will give you some confidence.
So really, it's about slowing down. That's it. Just this one thing - slowing down. I know you've heard it before, but it's definitely worth repeating, and it's something that we forget to do.
You know, in our busy lives. We are always hurrying and we want to get everything done quickly. We are multitasking and we are driving through and eating fast food. We want high-speed Internet access, quickies; you know everything, quick fixes, and pills to take care of things easily and quickly. There is a time and a place for that.
Well, I'm going to give you one quick fix that actually is going to help improve your lovemaking skills. And again, it's just about going slowly. You know, the thing that I hear the most from women is that they wish their partner would go slower.
So I want you to start from square one. You can start with any kind of seduction. Undressing - think about when you first started dating somebody probably the undressing was much more special. It was something to which we paid attention. As we are in a relationship for a while, we just quickly take off our clothes, and we don't really pay much attention. So this is a good way to start.
Take your clothes off or take your partner’s clothes off one at a time and do it nice and slowly. Just relish every single moment. Take in all of your partner's body. Just unwrap yourself or your partner as if they were a special gift.
Another thing that we really need to take time with, that makes a big difference is long, slow, passionate kisses, nice and slow and nice and long. Again, that's another thing that we tend to forget to do sometimes. So take your time and don't rush to any kind of goals. Just enjoy the kissing. It's great all by itself.
Now the skin is the largest erogenous zone of the body. So you want to really fully appreciate and experience all of your partner's body. Enjoy every single inch. You can start at the top or at the bottom, so feet or head. Just explore every inch and really enjoy how it feels. Don't go straight to the genitals. There is time for that. Who knows, you may not get to the genitals at all.
But when you do, it's also fun to tease and just get really close to those areas. Maybe circle around with your fingers or your mouth or your tongue and just take your time. Just be nice and slow and tease your partner. Your partner will be begging you for more.
Now, again, whether it's oral sex, intercourse, manual sex, in other words using your fingers, whatever it is, you want to first of all take your time to get there. You want to take away all pressure and all goals of doing anything and just enjoy every single moment that you are with your partner. And go nice and slowly.
Now, a really fun thing is just to tell your partner that you want to make love for hours. Just say, “Hey. Let’s just be together.” And tell your partner that no one is allowed to come. Now there are a couple of things that are nice about this. One is you really are focusing on the pleasure that you are feeling rather than having an orgasm. What ends up happening is when you are both relaxed in that way, and there is no pressure to do or be anything, it's really arousing. You probably will end up having an orgasm but that's not the goal.
And when you tell your partner or yourself that you're not allowed to have one that can actually be very arousing. It's kind of the opposite of what we are used to, because there always seems to be this idea that we are all supposed to come.
And take breaks. It's OK to take a break. Maybe you will be in the middle of intercourse. Or maybe you will be in the middle of oral sex. So just take a break and incorporate some sensual touch. If you're having intercourse you could stop and have some oral sex. Maybe you will stop and take a bath or have a chocolate covered strawberry or drink. So these are all great ideas and things you can do to slow it down. It will definitely take your lovemaking to another level.
So, I want to hear your ideas, suggestions or comments. So just go to the Personal Life Media page at personallifemedia.com. Just click on my blog and write your comments there. I really look forward to hearing them.
I've going to say goodbye for now. You are listening to ‘On The Minds of Men’ and this is Dr. Lori. Bye bye.
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