Episode 16: Tantra and the Wisdom of the Penis with Deva Charu

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Dr. Lori Buckley interviews tantrika Deva Charu, the founder of Embody Tantra. In this episode Charu explains what Tantra is and is not, and tells us how Tantra can improve our sex life and our relationships. She also talks about the wisdom of the penis and why it’s important to listen to what your penis is telling you. At the end of the episode Charu gives a Tantra exercise to wake-up your penis and connect with your lover. More details on this episode go to http://personallifemedia.com/podcasts/minds-of-men/episode016-deva-charu-tantra-and-the-wisdom-of-the-penis.html

Transcript

Tantra and the Wisdom of the Penis with Deva Charu

Announcer:  This program is intended for mature audiences only.

[Music]

Dr. Lori Buckley: Welcome. You are listening to “On the Minds of Men”. I'm your host Dr. Lori Buckley and today with us, we have a really special guest. I'm excited to introduce, I actually took a  class with her this past weekend and she is a tantrica, her name is Deva Charu. She has been certified by the Chandra Bindu Tantra institute and she has been doing this for years and she's been to India, Thailand, Brazil, Hawaii, the United Kingdom and of course, she's with us here in the United States. We are so lucky to have her. She has dedicated her life to this work. She, certainly, has a lot of passion and her classes, her workshops really promote an all-embracing way of life and they are really about love, about relationships and  I'm just happy to have her here.

[Musical Interlude]

Deva Charu: However, tantra is different because it is about coming into the body, coming into the senses, embracing every aspect of life and living it fully in order to experience that bliss that's available to us in every moment.

Deva Charu: There's just a really special sensation when a man and woman come together and when you can be present, which is really the ultimate goal of tantra; the ultimate goal of any path of meditation and this is a really juicy one, is just to be here and now.

Deva Charu: The more I become in touch with my body, in touch with my penis, the more I can become a clear channel, or just a clear human being and really bring my love to women.

Deva Charu: Number one is slowing down. It is absolutely, number one in tantra, with everything you do.

 

[Musical Interlude]
Deva Charu: You rest inside of a woman's body, then you really allow the woman and juiciest, the sweetness and the aliveness and the pleasure and the deep bliss that most woman have never experienced, or very very seldom in their lives you allow that or magically coerce that to come forward.

Dr. Buckley: Welcome, Welcome Charu. I want to start out... we're really going to be talking about the wisdom of the penis and men and women you really don't want to miss this. This is going to be really informative and stuff that is definitely going to help your love life. Since you are a tantrica and you do these wonderful tantra workshops, could you please explain to our listeners, exactly, what tantra is; because I know that there is just so many misconceptions, so set us straight.

Deva Charu: Absolutely. Well, one of the first things that I say to people about tantra is whatever, you've heard, it is not all about sex. By that I mean that tantra is actually a path of meditation, which most people don't know. There are a lot of paths to meditation that are based on transcendence where you are actually leaving the body to experience peace and experience love and bliss.

Dr. Buckley: Okay.

Deva Charu: However, tantra is different because it is about coming into the body, coming into the sense, embracing every aspect of life and living it fully in order to experience that bliss that's available to us in every moment.

Dr. Buckley: Okay, but I have to ask you. Does it have anything to do with sex? I mean, come on. We wanted good tantricas because we wanted to have good sex. So how can it apply to our sex lives?

Deva Charu: Well that's the second thing that I say to everyone.

Dr. Buckley: Okay.

Deva Charu: It is that, whatever you've heard, it is absolutely, a 100% all about sex.

Dr. Buckley: Okay. Now we're talking.

Deva Charu: Yeah, and the reason for that is because when you isolate the act of love making, where a man and woman come together it is the only act on this planet where the unmanifest can be made manifest.[xx] so that is to say, a  child can be born. Completely from the unknown, something we don't understand, we understand the biology of it...

Dr. Buckley:  Right.

Deva Charu: ... but from nothing comes something.

Dr. Buckley: ... which is pretty amazing. Let's face it, most of us don't have sex for procreation.

Deva Charu: Exactly. And we don't want you to have sex for procreation every single time. But what we do want is for you to have the awareness that something really special happens here. So whether or not we are inviting life in this doorway to creation or this doorway to the unknown is opening when a man and a woman come together, which is why this is one of the most important acts for us to look at and for us to bring awareness to; because there is incredible amounts of healing available to us there, and pleasure and bliss and all these other wonderful things.

Dr. Buckley: Yeah, what you are saying is, if this is something so powerful that this act, this wonderful act just happens to feel so good, but also can create life.

Deva Charu: Exactly.

Dr. Buckley:... even though we may not be creating a baby, we are creating something special.

Deva Charu:... and even beyond the creation there is some cosmic opening, if you will. It doesn't even have to be that airy-fairy. There is just a really special sensation, when a man and woman come together and when you can be present, which is really the ultimate goal of tantra; the ultimate goal of any path of meditation and this is a really juicy one, is just to be here and now.

Dr. Buckley: Right.

Deva Charu: When you start being here and now in your love making, which most of us are incredibly disconnected from, because of our parents, because of our religion, because of  our society and a number of  different things...

Dr. Buckley: Our insecurities...

Deva Charu: Our insecurities are believes that it should be one way, because of what we've seen on TV. All of these things, when we start to really allow the truth to just filter through, which in tantra we do using some very simple exercises that don't look particularly sexual in any way; we start exercising that muscle, what does it feel like to just be me right now? What is like to just feel my body? What does it feel like to just hear my inner voice, hear my inner wisdom? When I start bringing that to love making, which is the most, really, highly charged, potent acts to a lot of our psychological that is going on, it is really wrapped up, when we start looking at our love making. So if I can become in that simple space, in that presence, I can be feeling my body all the way. I can be listening to my body, I can be listening to my partner's body. Suddenly love making takes on a completely different texture, much more pleasure is available to us.

Dr. Buckley: I love what you are saying because I, absolutely, agree with it and when I talk about sex, I often refer to the pleasure of sex. If we can have the pleasure, experience that full and be fully connected to our partner, then sex is at its best. Unfortunately, so many people focus on their genitals and they focus on performance and they lose so much. When I took your class, your workshop this weekend, I took it with my partner. It was such a lovely experience and it really is about all of those things that you are talking about. So there are things that you can do, which we can talk about a little bit later, but this idea to be present, to experience what is going on in your body and feel really connected and present with your partner is a wonderful thing. So, I love that and at the end of the show, I want you to talk about something tantra like that our listeners can actually do at home to improve their sex lives. But, right now, I really want to hear, what you have to say about the wisdom of the penis!

Deva Charu: Wisdom of the penis.

Dr. Buckley: I'm intrigued

Deva Charu: It is, really, incredible because in tantra on of the words for the penis is vajra and this word's translation, one of the direct translation is thunderbolt.

Dr. Buckley: Okay.

Deva Charu: So, this is something that to us in our modern life is kind of funny and silly, “ Oh the penis is a thunderbolt.” However, when you really think about it, there is... in tantra we come from a reverence for both the man and the woman. For this power of this part of body, that really directs our life force, for a man. On both ends, in our modern society, a lot of us are holding different all of the stuff that we talked about before, all the psychological patterns, based on who we are, how we've been raised all of these things are actually holding it as tension in the body, in a lot of different parts of tha body and particularly, in our genitals.

Dr. Buckley: Okay.

Deva Charu: So, as a woman, this is an important piece where the magic of the penis comes in. As a woman if I experienced, may be a rape situation, if I experienced not feeling totally loved anytime that I've been made love to, if  I've experienced fear around taking someone inside me, because may be I've had physical pain; all of these things are the things that I hold in my vagina and the more that I become connected to my body, which we do in tantra, the more I've going to become more and more aware of those things. Where a man comes in is again if I have made love without really caring deeply for my partner, if I've had physical pain around my penis, if I've all of the same kind of stuff, I'm holding these  energies around my penis. The more I become in touch with my body, in touch with my penis, the more I can become a clear channel, or just a clear human being and really bring my love to woman.

Dr. Buckley: So how does a man get in touch with his penis?

[Laughter]

Deva Charu: Well, in tantra we start very, very simply. We start by breathing more. Breath work is really, really important to tantra because when you start to breathe more you start to bring more oxygen  to the body, you start to bring alive parts of the body that you may have been disconnected to. We use movement in the body, different stretches, different shaking the body, waking up, just like you are when you are working out. We start flexing this muscle of who am I, and what's going on with me, really in this moment right now. We allow, what ever it is, that starts moving to come forward. If I'm faced in a sexual situation, I'm really honest with myself. Let's say, we are going to make love for the first time, and as a man I'm unsure, am I going to perform great? Is she going think I'm a great lover? All of these different things...

Dr. Buckley: Am I going to get it up?

Deva Charu:  Am I going to get it up?

Dr. Buckley: Am I going to come too quickly?

Deva Charu: Exactly! These are the kind of things, it is those and specifically, those things are things that our body is always giving us messages. So if may be, we cannot, really, mate this woman, fully in love, our penis is going to... our penis, for right this moment now [Laughter]. If we can't really meet woman in love, our penis is going to react accordingly. From tantra we come from the understanding that basically, if you are not moving in the highest good in truth or in love, things are going to... life is going to show you that it is not, there is not a flow here.

Dr. Buckley: The way that I interpret that and tell me if this is... just to sort of put it in another language is that if you are making love from your head, as opposed to your heart, then you're going to have problems.

Deva Charu: Exactly. It is not necessarily a problem. Your body is going to give you a message and the message is going to say, something is out of alignment here. It might look like, “ Oh! I erect immediately and ejaculate before I'm inside of her.” [Laughter] Or it might look like,” Oh my God! I feel all this pressure suddenly I'm remembering how I have to perform the best of my life every single time or otherwise people won't like me.” And my penis won't become erect. The penis just takes so much importance at that level.

Dr. Buckley: What we are going to do Charu. We need to take a break, just a quick break, but when we come back, I want to talk about that. Let's talk about early ejaculation. You know, because I think it is really relevant to what you are talking about. And what are somethings, maybe, that men can do to get some control over their penis. So right now, we're going to take a little break and when we get back, we're going to talk about that.

Deva Charu: Okay.

[Advertisement]

Dr. Buckley: We're back and you are listening to “On the Minds of Men”. I'm your host Dr. Lori Buckley. We're talking to Charu about the wisdom of the penis, specifically, before the break we were talking about early ejaculation and we are going to talk about somethings that men can do to have more control and more importantly, more satisfying love making. Let's talk about that.

Deva Charu: Absolutely. Another of little piece of the puzzle around ejaculating before we would like to or nor being able to have an erection, a lot of times, as a man, if I can't have an erection when I want to or if I'm ejaculating before I'd like to, one of the things what we are taking it on ourselves, we're saying, “Oh, there is something wrong with me. There is a problem here.” And what is another interesting dynamic that we can look at is that actually is that we are always creating things together. When we are in partnership, whether it is the first time you've ever made love to a woman, or the 900th time we are going to make love to this woman, we are creating this dynamic together. So a lot of times, there is many different things; there are probably too many to get into right at this moment, but that are affecting the dynamics between us as a couple, as a partnership coming together right now, that is bringing into how our body is responding.

Dr. Buckley: Okay.

Deva Charu: So again, just these messages to decipher. So what are some practical things that we can do?  Number one is slowing down. This is absolutely, number one in tantra, with everything you do. We're rush, rush, rush, rush, rush, rush, rush. So this is something that you can practice in every moment of your life, when you are brushing your teeth, are you doing it just to get it over with so that you can get out of the house on time, or are you doing it so that you can ultimately feel the sensations in your mouth as you brush your teeth. So, if I'm a man and I'm experiencing that I'm overly wanting to be inside my woman right now, or I'm not quite ready to be inside my woman, take a deep breathe, slow down, meet this human being and come from, this is ultimately the most important piece of the puzzle and I think every woman on the planet will agree with me, come from a place of reverence for this woman, slow down, bring your attention to her.

Dr. Buckley: Right, right.

Deva Charu: If you are inside of her and you are feeling that you might ejaculate before you'd like to, pause. Breathe.

Dr. Buckley: It is okay to do that.

Deva Charu: Absolutely! And there is really something magical that can start to open up, when you do slow down and this is, really, the magic that we've all sort of rail-roaded over because we are so goal oriented to we want to either make her come or we want to orgasm ourselves, or we have all these ideas of what this should look like and how it should be. However, when you rest inside of a woman's body, then you really allow the woman and juiciest, the sweetness and the aliveness and the pleasure and the deep bliss that most woman have never experienced, or very, very seldom in their lives you allow that or magically coerce that to come forward. There is an invitaion, especially, if she feels that you are present with her and you are loving her.

Dr. Buckley: It is beautifully said. There are a lot of men I believe, and probably, a lot of out listeners who really do believe that this is about accomplishing something, achieving something and you want to pump away in the all in-out kind of sex and for woman, it doesn't really work and to tell the truth it doesn't really work that well for men. Yeah, they might ejaculate, but they are only just to one certain level, when it could be so much richer than that.

Deva Charu: Exactly. They are really rail-roading over that sweetness. There is something like a garden where there is this life that can bloom between you and there is a deep, deep satisfaction, whenever, my lover enters me there is a moment of  “Aaaahhhh”just complete relief and of home coming. That's something that is available for every man when he enters a woman in love, to feel that feeling of essentially returning to the warmth of the womb, returning to the warmth of woman.

Dr. Buckley: But you also do you the words in love. Now I believe, like you do, that when it is in love, that's when sex is at its best. There is connection, when there are loving feelings. But we also know that there are a lot of people who have sex, strictly for recreation and by the way, that's women too. Maybe more men than women, but women do it too. So, what about those people who say, “Oh Yeah! This is all... come on, I just want to have sex and I want to have a good time.” Can they incorporate some of these techniques in order to be able to enjoy themselves and also have a good sexual experience. Also for the woman, I hope, without actually, it being in love or maybe we just need to define what that means.

Deva Charu: Right. I think it is an excellent idea because I probably, use it a little bit differently than we all usually do. I'm not necessarily saying 'in love' as in you have to be in a relationship, although, that helps enormously, in my humble opinion.

Dr. Buckley: Right.

Deva Charu: However, there is something, where I'd venture to say, that if you are going to enter a woman always come from a place of love. So, if you've been entering woman from a place of hate, this is going to be a release, “ Hey this is going to be fun.” “ Hey I can't wait to ejaculate.” “ Hey I had a really hard day and I just want to move this energy and feel that good feeling of orgasm.” I'm going to say that if you started to practice the tantric exercises, the tantric techniques, that's going to start to feel less and less authentic. What happens is that, women are receivers, obviously. We're built that way. So we are holding everything that man is giving to us. So if you've had a bad day and all you want to do is just fuck some woman and get it out, which is again, there is nothing wrong with this, but just having another layer of awareness that, that woman is going to hold anything you give her.

Dr. Buckley: So women really need to be mindful of who they fuck.

Deva Charu: Absolutely yes! [Laughter] Something that we all kind of get but we don't really know on every level.

Dr. Buckley: We usually get it too late.

Deva Charu: Exactly.

Dr. Buckley: After we've felt that repercussion.

Deva Charu: Exactly.

Dr. Buckley: ... the consequences that don't feel very good, emotionally.

Deva Charu: Exactly.

Dr. Buckley: Yeah. And I think men experience it too.

Deva Charu: They do. That's the thing. They are also, in their own way, holding or understanding that the relationship between the masculine and feminine on the planet, because it is in every act, every single thing that we do, it is an incredibly, important thing in the balance of the whole way that our world works. How happy our daily lives are going to be. So as a man if I'm just dumping on a woman as a woman, if I'm choosing to be apart of that in receiving that, we're actually putting a little kink in the overall pleasure of the worlds. That's a pretty controversial thing to say, but it is, why would you ever do anything other than from a place of love; whether you are going to be with this person one time or you are going to be with them for the rest of your life.

Dr. Buckley: Yeah. We go back to this manifestation and this miracle, really, this amazing thing that this act of love making or this act of  fucking, however you want to put it, it has the capability of creating life. This is something that, whatever your spiritual beliefs are, this is powerful.

Deva Charu: Exactly.

Dr. Buckley: And we know, when you do make love and you are present, you know how powerful that is and you know how wonderful that is. Why are so many people listening to this?

Deva Charu: Right!

Dr. Buckley: We are all seeking more information. We all want growth. We all want to just have more satisfaction and work towards that potential that we never really reached the top of, because there is always more and more potential. That's such a powerful thing. I've just got it. I've to make sure, I want to get back to what we were talking about early ejaculation. So I want to recap. Because, what I heard you say was, if you are coming from a place of love, and you slow down and you are present and you are not worried about doing or performing or being, or may be being, but that's okay on the context of it, but really just present and coming from a good place, and slowing down. That could make a difference. You believe that alone could help men?

Deva Charu: I think that's going to be a huge step and number two I would say, being honest, telling the truth. Again, if you feel like you are in situation where you don't feel like you could tell the truth, “Hey, I'm really nervous now, I think I'm going to come too quickly.” or whatever that look like for you, if you are in a position where you are wanting to act cool, more that you are wanting to say that, probably, you are not ready to make love. I know that's again a huge thing to say, but it's been said a hundred thousand times, the truth shall set you free. This is a corner stone of love making. A lotof people don't want to hear this stuff, because it is not easy. It is not like taking a viagra to make me just keep going. It is not like, there is not asimple solution. You are going to have to face yourself. You are going to have to be honest, first with yourself and then with your partner. This is a huge thing that is going to make your love making so much better. You are going to have to breathe 9 out to 10 times. Watch what your body is doing, before you ejaculate. Watch are you tensing your body or are you tightening and going, “ Oh yes! I'm almost there. I'm almost there.” And it is tight and tight and tight and tight. What would happen if you took a deep breathe and relaxed.

Dr. Buckley: And that goes along with what I tell men too. The reason that, more often that not, men ejaculate quickly, is really because they've been told, think about baseball or your grandmother or something crazy like that. We know that it is the absolute opposite thing, because the problem is that it is not that they need to be disconnected from their penis, it is the opposite that they want to be connected and really be aware of what's going on in their body, in their heart, in their mind and in their relationship. All of this is about being present and it is about really understanding. A really good way for men to do that is to do it with masturbation, so they can practice that alone first and then when they have partner sex they can bring that in. But you are absolutely right about the relaxing, it is such a huge thing. A lot of men walk around with their pelvic floor muscles all day they are just tightened up and they are not even aware of it. So just to take some deep breathes and to relax those muscles can be huge.

Deva Charu: Huge! It is, like you say, it is about awareness. And the more awareness I have of my body, the more I'm really going to here. It is like, you can almost imagine, that the penis has a voice. I looks kind of silly, but...

Dr. Buckley: What would your penis say to you?

Deva Charu: Exactly. It would say things like this woman needs... the more in tune you are going to get  with your penis, the more it is going to know, it is going to have a mind of its own, you are going to be totally shocked, even though it does seems like it has a mind of its own, in another way, it is going to have a mind of its own, it is going to know, “ Wow! This woman needs to be deeply penetrated right now.” “This woman needs me to slow down and just look her in the eyes right now.” It is going to start to say all these things and every single thing that it says is going to start to open up this space that you are probably, never felt before in love making, which is very, very sweet, very, very alive, very, very simple, very, very still and incredibly pleasurable. This is when you start to come into that space where we talk about bliss or ecstasy and it really comes from, there is a lot of tantric exercises that you can do, all kinds of breathing and there is all kinds of recirculating energy and all this kind of silliness...

Dr. Buckley:... which we are going to talk about because that's what this is about. As you are talking I'm thinking, I want to say, “ Okay man. So listen to your penis.” [Laughter] I can just imagine the responses like, “ Yeah! I've done that before.” That's going to be a lot of different trouble. [Laughter]. So when you penis is connected to your body and your heart and even your mind, I suppose. It depends, it really, can go both ways. So listen to the wisdom of your penis. If you just don't react but if you really feel what's going on.

Deva Charu: Yeah, because essentially, the difference of listening to your penis and coming from a place where you might do destructive things, like, “Oh! There's that woman. I want her now.” “It is not me. It is just my penis.” “What's my fault” [Laughter] “I was listening to my penis.” We might say that that's coming from a place of biology. There are biological responses that the body initiates inside of us and what we are saying in tantra is to dive a little bit beneath the biology. The wisdom is coming from place of not by being compelled and being pressed forward by an urge to release from the penis, but actually by falling in and hearing that something deeper. If it is coming from just this place of thumping like something needs to happen right now and I've got to do it, probably that's biology. If it is coming from place of, this feels right, right now, this feels true, there is love here, there is truth here. That's when you can know that those are the messages that really key into.

Dr. Buckley: Okay. That makes sense. I think that clarifies things, definitely does. We are running out of time, here is what I want o do. I want o ask you the question that I ask most people I interview, because I think it is important one. That question is, What advice do you have for our listeners, something that they can do, tonight, that can improve their love making or make them a better lover?

Deva Charu: That's an easy one. Something I've already said a few times but reverence. Really coming in contact with your reverence for woman. So if you have never made love to a woman and loved her completely, or if you, may be, don't have a context for what that means, I would say, take some time to think about it. Think about that part of you that, when you look at a beautiful woman, may be, she doesn't even have a face, just a beautiful naked woman, what are the feelings that arise inside of you? “Wow! That's an incredible thing.” It may be, you think of your mother. It doesn't have to be sexual. May be you think about the way your mother loved you and  if you have a really pure sensation of that may be you think about your sister or someone that you cared for, a daughter, a child, that you cared for.

Dr. Buckley: As opposed to thinking about like Pamela Lee Anderson or ...

Deva Charu: Right!

Dr. Buckley: ... because when they think of women, they think of their bodies. So you are not talking about a sexual thing. When you talk about reverence,  because I know, men are going, “ I know what they are saying.” “ I can hear them, I can hear them in my head.” “ I hear you man.” This idea like, “Okay, wait a minute. Sex and my mother or my sister in one sentence just doesn't sound right.

Deva Charu: Scary. Freakish.

Dr. Buckley:But what you are really saying here is that it is about... I think a way to think about that is how would you want someone to treat a loved on. If there was a man who was going to make love with a woman who you cared deeply about, how would you want that to be? Can you treat the woman that way?

Deva Charu: And can you be that man? Yeah. Can you be the man who you'd like to be making love to your daughter. Really.

Dr. Buckley: Not that you are making love to your daughter.

Deva Charu: No, no, no, no. As a father you have this protection for the man that your daughter is going to date and what that's going to look like and you want to make sure you test him, make sure that he is good enough for your little girl. How can you become that man? Every single woman is as dear to you as the woman that you love most. So that even if you are going to be with her this one time, you make love to her from a place of, 'this woman is so dear to me, in this moment' and that woman will feel and she will most likely go deeper than she ever has in love making. It will make all the difference.

Dr. Buckley: Wonderful. I have to tell you that nobody has ever given advice like that before.

Deva Charu: Wow! Yeeaaaaa!

[Laughter]

Dr. Buckley:  It is usually communication. This is something. I like it. I like it. Okay. As  promised, I promised that you'd give some kind of an exercise or something that men could do or they could do with their lover that could improve their love making, or bring them to this level. Get in touch with their penis, the wisdom of their penis.

Deva Charu: Yes. I'd tell you one that's absolutely and directly related to getting in touch with the wisdom of the penis. It is got a couple of parts, so men if you have got a pen and paper. You want to start with and you can do this with your partner, if you like; shaking the body. So put on some music, something, may be drum beat or you can even out on some rock 'n roll, doesn't matter, something that's upbeat and exciting and just let your body shake. What that does for you is super duper simple, and it doesn't have to be scientific, you don't have to go, “ Oh my God! How did she mean to do that.” Just let your body like a rag doll and you start to really free the energy in the body. When you start to free those blocks, then those messages of what's really going on in the body are going to start to become more and more load and it is going to be easier to follow them. So once you've done that for any where you can choose, five, ten fifteen minutes, fifteen would be ultimate, but whatever you have time for...

Dr. Buckley: It is good workout too. We did it on Saturday.

Deva Charu:  And especially, in summer you'll sweat and then come sitting down. If you are uncomfortable sitting cross legged, you can sit on a chair, there is no requirement and  if you are with your partner, sit across from your partner. You are going to start breathing in and out through your mouth. In and out through your mouth is a really powerful way to stay connected to your body and you are just going to breathe simply. You going to take your mind's eye and imagine that you can feel that breathe coming all the way into your body and all the way through your penis. So every breathe you take in, you can almost imagine like it is a smoke and it is moving in through your body all the way down to the tip of the penis. Then when you exhale coming again out through the mouth. So you are really nourishing the body with this breathe and you are creating that line where you are inviting your penis to give you that wisdom and to wake up in a new way.

Dr. Buckley: Okay.

Deva Charu: We are really used to relating to our body from the outside in. I know when I  fiddle my penis this way it feels like this. I know if I do that I'm about to ejaculate. So here we are coming from the inside out.

Dr. Buckley: Okay

Deva Charu: SO do that for about five minutes. If you are doing that with a partner, she would breathe into her vagina and then dropping the practice and either laying down for 10, 15 minutes. If you are with your partner, you can have her sit on your lap and just holding each other. Or again, you can lay down together, if that is not comfortable for you and just letting that integrate. It is very, very simple, but all of the exercises that create the pathway to these very, very profound openings are incredibly simple. That why 98% of the time, we rail-road over them; because we like things to be big and complicated and this and that. When you just start breathing and you just take that attention into the penis and you opened up the body by the shaking, there is going to be an integration that happens, so when you do lie down, do rest and you do hold your woman beside you, and maybe breathe together, there is going to be a huge shift for something to begin that sweet simplicity that's ultimately going to give you more pleasure.

Dr. Buckley: I just agree with you a 100%. I know that a lot of people, when they think of tantra, they think it means having sex forever, intercourse forever, or not ejaculating, and there is all these things. Really what it is about, the bottom line is connection and being present and those things definitely can add to the beauty and satisfaction of your sex life. It doesn't mean you can't have fun, because it can be so much more fun when you are just relaxed and present and all kinds of wonderful things can happen.

Deva Charu: Exactly. If  I can add just one thing to that a lot of people think because number one thing I said was slowing down, when actually, it is not just slow sex. That is a god first step. The more and more present you become, the more you can experiment with everything and anything that you ever wanted to do. It is just, if you can be present while you re doing it, then enjoy it have fun with it, play with it, let it be whatever you wanted it to be coming from a place of love.

Dr. Buckley: Great information. So Charu, if anybody wanted to find out more about you or tantra, where they go?

Deva Charu: Go to my website, embodytantra.com. That's e-m-b-o-d-y-t-a-n-t-r-a dot com, or e-mail me at [email protected] C-h-a-r-u. There is information about upcoming classes and events. I do lots of work for couples. Yeah there is a world of information out there and there is books that you can look into to help you get a better grasp of some of the stuff that I was talking about as well.

Dr. Buckley: Absolutely, fabulous and we will put that link on the website, so check it out. Thanks you so much for joining me and talking to our listeners about this subject that I think a lot of people are interested in but some people, they have a whole different idea. So hopefully we've been informed and enlightened our listeners and they'll try out some of these things and definitely checkout Charu's website. She's got a lot of information there. Again, just thank you listeners for taking the time. Thank you Charu, and if anybody would like to send me any letters, comments I always want to hear from you. Please write me at [email protected] If you'd like transcripts of this show or any other show at Personal Life Media, just go to  personallifemedia.com and you can get transcripts of all of our shows. Again, thank you so much for listening. This is your host Dr. Lori  Buckley and you've been listening to “On the Minds of Men”

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