Episode 19: In Bed with Dodson & Ross Part 1 with Betty Dodson & Carlin Ross
In Bed with Dodson & Ross Part 1
Announcer: This program is intended for mature audiences only.
This is part 1 of a 2-part program.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Welcome! You are listening to “On the Minds of Men,” and I’m your host, Dr. Lori Buckley and I’m here, in bed, in Cuernavaca, with Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross.
Betty Dodson: Oh, am I doing it right, is it the right kind of an orgasm, and I just continuously emphasize there’s no such thing as the wrong kind of orgasm, ‘cause now it’s women have to achieve not only do they have to have an orgasm from penetration, but they have to have one from g-spot stimulation, now they have to ejaculate. I remember when they first had multiple orgasms, it’s like it’s becoming and athletic endeavor rather than just feeling good. Mommy usually says “Well, uh, little Johnny has a penis and little Mary has a, has a vagina, and when little Johnny puts his penis inside Mary’s vagina, that’s how babies are made.”
“He’s spending way too much time in the bathroom, and you know what’s going on in there, don’t you?” And his mom said, “Well, of course I do! I want him to do it. And don’t you interfere with that. What, do you want him to get some little girl pregnant and bring home a baby? (laughs) So she was cool.
Carlin Ross: And then the little girls, where do they masturbate? We don’t have ejaculates, we can do it anywhere! And she was masturbating in the family den and I thought, “How progressive!” I thought that was really nice.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Yeah, yeah.
Carlin Ross: And she’ll probably be into group sex later. (laughs)
Betty Dodson: I never tried this before, and I’m watching, I’m watching this smart-ass kid over here, and she’s got the lime, and she takes some of the lime and then she takes a sip of the tequila, and it’s followed by this red toma- is that tomato juice? What is that?
Carlin Ross: It’s almost like a spicy – yeah, a spicy tomato juice, but you know, there’s no pulp or anything, it was really easy to sip with the tequila.
Betty Dodson: So, and then somehow all of these flavors get blended in your mouth. It was incredible!
Carlin Ross: It was orgasmic.
Dr. Lori Buckley: (giggling) Say hello, Betty.
Betty Dodson: Hello.
Dr. Lori Buckley: And for those of you not in the know, let me just tell you a little bit about Betty, and Carlin. We’ll start out with Betty. Betty Dodson, the mother of masturbation, one of my favorite women in the whole world, you’ve probably heard our interview before - if you haven’t go check it out. But Betty Dodson is an author, she does films, she creates these wonderful workshops for women where she teaches women how to have orgasms, and she’s just an amazing woman. And she’s also doing a DVD right now that is showcasing all of her artwork, and she is one of the most amazing artists. You just can’t even imagine. Everybody just thinks that she masturbates, but no – Betty does so much more.
Carlin Ross: We’ve already watched the DVD, ha ha ha.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Yeah, so you –
Betty Dodson: It’s getting better every day.
Dr. Lori Buckley: (laughs) So, keep your eyes open for that. We’ll put a link on the website where you will be able to get ahold of it as soon as it’s released, and it is really, really spectacular. So we’re going to talk more to Betty about that, she’ll tell us more of what she does. Now Carlin Ross…
Carlin Ross: Yes?
Dr. Lori Buckley: …Is a woman I just met, another really incredible woman –
Carlin Ross: Well, thank you.
Dr. Lori Buckley: - who is the host of another fabulous podcast that you should check out, called Guilty Pleasures.
Betty Dodson: (sexily) Guilty Pleasures.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Very guilty. And if you want a guilty pleasure, you definitely want to listen to it, ‘cause she’s told me some stories, and she has it all on her podcast. She also has an incredible website for women, and I think men, too, and about sex and makes some wonderful sex films. So we’re also going to talk to you more about that, ‘cause I want to hear, and I know our listeners want to hear what you both do. Because we all have a similar mission. Let’s talk about our mission. So, Carlin, why don’t you start. What’s your mission in the world?
Carlin Ross: My mission – you know, I think it’s to acknowledge women as sexual beings, and also create a dialogue about sexuality, because I don’t think we have that in our culture. I think men do their thing, women do their thing, and we kind of don’t talk about sex. And we take the fun out of sex, like sex should be fun. It should be playful, it should be enjoyable, it shouldn’t be so serious. I think, you know what I mean? We have to make it like, sex is like, after a long day you go home and you fuck your man, or you fuck your partner, or you know what I mean? You have some fun. Or you grab your vibrator! And you say, you know what? I deserve some “me” time. I’m going to take an hour, and I’m just going to be sexual, and I’m going to get that release and I’m going to get all those wonderful hormones that can, you know, get the stress out of my day. So I think that’s my point, my site, it’s very male-friendly, and I like that. I like the dialogue between the sexes about sexuality, ‘cause it’s not there in our culture.
Dr. Lori Buckley: That’s great, and I agree with you. Sex becomes, for so many people, problematic. It becomes this thing that is not pleasurable, it’s this extra thing that gives them stress, and it’s another thing to do.
Carlin Ross: It’s to feel guilt and shame about it, right?
Dr. Lori Buckley: Exactly.
Carlin Ross: I mean, Betty can speak to that, you’ve dealt with that your whole career.
Betty Dodson: Yeah. That’s – the guilt, and all of the, you know, bad feelings around oh, am I doing it right, and is this the right kind of an orgasm, and – I just continuously emphasize there’s no such thing as having the wrong kind of orgasm. ‘Cause now it’s women have to achieve – not only do they have to have an orgasm from penetration, but they have to have one from G-spot stimulation, now they have to ejaculate, and then they – I remember when they first had multiple orgasms, it’s like it is becoming an athletic endeavor, rather than just feeling good.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Yeah. I just want to talk to you a little bit, Betty, because you’ve been in this field and you have really been a pioneer for so many women in…in pleasure. And I want to talk to you about that, you know you started in the 60s.
Betty Dodson: I did, yes.
Dr. Lori Buckley: It’s just – right now we know the challenges, just talking about sex and getting the message out there that sex is pleasurable. Sex, like you said, there’s no right way, there’s no wrong way. Enjoy it, relax, let go of all of the crap that’s been fed you. But tell me what it was like for you in the 60s.
Betty Dodson: Oh, in the 60s it was wonderful. I mean, that was – we didn’t have to deal with AIDS or any of the scary stuff that goes on now. I mean, half of the STDs or whatever they’re calling it today didn’t exist back in the 60s. And it was the beginning of America’s sexual revolution. There was a revolution. It was phenomenal. And – and people in your age range, you – they got rid of it! I don’t – it’s simply, it’s been erased. So for me it was like 19 – I had my first one woman exhibition of erotic art in 68, and it sort of introduced me to, I mean, people would come into the gallery and would see this beautiful pictures of people having sex, and everyone invited me to their house, to their party, and I was having sex with hundreds of people, fearlessly, with no problem. I could use a diaphragm, nobody had any diseases that were scary. The worst thing that might happen is you might get the clap, and the only thing that that required was a shot of penicillin. I mean, sex – it was so easy to have sex back then. It was so easy.
Dr. Lori Buckley: What about the guilt? And the shame? The Christian…
Betty Dodson: I’m sure people, other people had it. I grew up without sexual guilt, thanks to my mother. And that starts with masturbation. She thought masturbation was a natural activity for children. And so I never got any negative messages. That’s where guilt begins.
Dr. Lori Buckley: And guilt, does it serve us in any way?
Betty Dodson: It’s the – I think guilt is the most worthless thing on the planet. It doesn’t motivate you to change, it doesn’t inspire you to do better, it just hangs over your head and it’s a substitute for moving ahead. You can just sit at home and feel guilty.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Yeah, I agree with you. And you know what it does, it really takes choice out of the equation. So you end up doing what you’re doing – but then it’s just so overwhelmed by these feelings of guilt, as opposed to making a conscious choice. Well I’m gonna do this, or I’m gonna do this, ‘cause this is what is best for me. And I think when you get rid of that guilt it makes room to make better choices, to make conscious choices.
Betty Dodson: Absolutely, yeah.
Dr. Lori Buckley: So, this is important, we have a lot of parents who are listening to this podcast, and the message that you’re giving right now is – as parents, what we can give to our children is a healthy sexuality, which also creates, you know, better self esteem, better choices, healthier relationships. So what’s some advice you would have to parents?
Carlin Ross: I love when you use that – you say that guilt starts when they say that little Johnny has a penis –
Betty Dodson: Oh, okay.
Carlin Ross: Say that one – I love that one.
Betty Dodson: For the most part, I mean, when people say, you know when you’re a little kid and you go to your mom and you say, what is it, something about sex or where do babies come from, you know, one of the little kids in the neighborhood said something about, you know, my mom’s having a baby, where does it come from? I remember someone told me it comes from between your legs, and I thought (gasps). And immediately I’m down there checking it out, and I did, I found a little opening, it could have been my butt hole, but I think maybe eventually I found my little vaginal opening. And I was absolutely terrified. I mean, you know, it was just a horrific – but anyway – so the mom –
Dr. Lori Buckley: The mom’s baby’s gonna come out –
Betty Dodson: Mommy usually says, “Well, little Johnny has a penis, and little Mary has a vagina, and when little Johnny puts his penis inside Mary’s vagina, that’s how babies are made.” And it should be little Johnny has a penis, and little Mary has a clitoris. And when they touch them in a certain way, it feels good! So instead of getting the procreation message, we need to get the pleasure message first. We don’t get that. So, you know, it’s like, whatever we have down there is for baby-making. It’s not for fun.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Right. Now I agree with what you’re saying, because pleasure is missing from the equation. However, the question usually is, “Mommy, Daddy, how are babies made?” So that seems to be the predominant questions that children have, although I would imagine there are also some children who are rubbing on the pillows or the sofas, or rubbing their hands on their genitals, and then they also get messages from their parents about how it’s wrong.
Betty Dodson: Well, it’s how the parent responds to the child masturbating when they first discover it.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Right.
Betty Dodson: I mean, it’s either like “Oh isn’t that cute,” but you just back out of the room, you don’t make an issue out of it – I love the story that my partner tells about – he was spending a lot more time in the bathroom than usual. So you know, it’s just like he discovered that masturbating was cool and he’d do it in the shower. And that’s where a lot of people begin – guys. Because it takes care of the ejaculate, etcetera etcetera. So his father says to his mother, “He’s spending way too much time in the bathroom. And you know what’s going on in there, don’t you?” And his mom said, “Well, of course I do! I want him to do it! Don’t you interfere with that. What, do you want him to get some little girl pregnant and bring home a baby?” So she was cool.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Yeah, it’s definitely, it’s a healthy alternative. So when you have, even one parent could be the voice of reason!
Carlin Ross: I have a friend, we were over at the house, and I guess he has a little four year old daughter, and she’s sitting watching television with her legs out. And then she crosses her legs one over the other, and then she starts to rock back and forth…and she’s rocking and a-rocking, and it’s after dinner, and we had our ice cream, you know, and she’s rocking, and I looked at him and it’s like, “What is she doing?” And he’s like “Well, she’s masturbating.” He’s like, “We just don’t look at her when she does it.” (laughing) And I thought, I was like, “Wow, I never – I didn’t think they were gonna be that cool as parents.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Yeah.
Carlin Ross: And he’s like, “Well, she’s got to get off!” Because usually it’s like the sons, it’s like, “Oh, they’re taking a long shower,” wink wink, you know? And then the little girls, where do they masturbate? We don’t have ejaculate, so we can do it anywhere. And she was masturbating in the family den, and I thought, how progressive! I thought that was really nice.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Yeah.
Carlin Ross: And she’ll probably be into group sex later.
Dr. Lori Buckley: (laughs) Well, I have a story – my son will be appalled, but I’m going to tell it anyway. Uh, where my lotion kept disappearing. (All laughing.) All my lotions, they – he was probably about 12, 13 years old, and my – you know, my good lotions, they would be in his room –
Carlin Ross: That’s expensive.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Yeah! And they were disappearing, so I had a talk with him and I said “You know, let’s go to the store, we’ll get you some good lubricant –
Carlin Ross: Did he pick out his own, or did you pick it out?
Dr. Lori Buckley: Yes.
Carlin Ross: What did he pick out?
Dr. Lori Buckley: We went to the store, well, this was a while ago, and, you know, it was a while ago so they didn’t have as much, you know, good choices of lubricant to buy.
Carlin Ross: Yeah, you know now they have like the Liquid Silk, I love that.
Dr. Lori Buckley: They have some really good stuff on the market now.
Betty Dodson: I have to, let me, please, please, don’t use a water-based lube for masturbation.
Carlin Ross: (background) No, no.
Betty Dodson: Please, you do that when you’re using latex, but I mean any massage oil, from any health food store – a natural oil, and I think it’s important to have it not cooked, so –
Dr. Lori Buckley: For men, but for women you don’t want to use oil, right?
Betty Dodson: No, you can – it’s on your clitoris!
Dr. Lori Buckley: Yeah, but don’t get it in.
Betty Dodson: Well, I have never had any problem with using my – what is it? Almond oil, it has no, nothing else in it, and nothing, no chemicals, nothing. Yes, I can use, I can oil up my dildo and put it in my vagina with massage oil, absolutely. (crosstalk) I’d much rather – have you read the – the ingredients on a water-based lube? You could burst into tears.
Dr. Lori Buckley: There are some good ones out there, though.
Betty Dodson: I recommend Liquid Silk, just like Carlin.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Yeah. There are some good ones out there, and if you do use a water-based for whatever reason – you don’t want to mess up your sheets – just keep a bowl of water right next to you, ‘cause it just reactivates when you put some water on it.
Betty Dodson: I know, but everybody puts more lube on, and it gets sticky.
Dr. Lori Buckley: I know, and you don’t do that.
Betty Dodson: Now what about, I gotta ask everybody here, what about the new, which I’m kind of looking at, the silicone, what do…have you tried that? The silicone lube?
Carlin Ross: Yeah, I don’t really like the silicone lube. You know, ‘cause it just feels weird. ‘Cause, you know what, I don’t like anything that lasts afterwards. I like something – you know, I have to admit the KY – KY has a lot of great, like, you can get it over the counter, Duane Reed, you don’t have to go to the sex shop, they have some nice stuff.
Dr. Lori Buckley: But you really – for some women, they have no problem with those, but some, with glycol propylene, or any glycerin, some, for some women they have a lot of problems with that.
Carlin Ross: You know what’s the best lube? The best lube is saliva. Just (makes spitting sound).
Betty Dodson: Yeah, I – it dries out.
Carlin Ross: It dries out fast. It’s true. But just to start. Sometimes I just lick my Pocket Rocket, sometimes I like squeeze the liquid stuff, sometimes I just go (slurping sound) and then I put it there and I’ll stop in the middle and I’ll lick it again. You know, it’s kind of fun.
Dr. Lori Buckley: You gotta do what works for you! Some women don’t have enough saliva in their mouth.
Carlin Ross: Well, I was at the AVNs like two years ago, and I just –
Dr. Lori Buckley: And tell people what the AVN is?
Carlin Ross: The AVN is the Oscars of the porn world. So that’s where you go to see your Jenna Jamesons, and your Tara Patricks, and your Sunny Lanes. And they give out awards for, like the best blowjob scene, the best anal, you know, Betty and I will probably hit it this February, we’ll hit Vegas. That’ll be fun. And I was in the powder room, and I look up and there’s like three of my favorite porn girls, you know, we’re all talking – and then I don’t know how we got on the subject, we started talking about lube. And all of the porn stars were like, “You know what, Carlin? I like saliva. I really do, just to get me going, I like the saliva or using my own pussy juice.” They like, ‘cause they use so much lube in their profession, that they’re like, I really, you know? After a while I just don’t like doing it. I just want saliva. And I thought, hm, that’s interesting.
Dr. Lori Buckley: So we’ve gone from masturbation, to lubricant, but right now we have to take a very quick break, and we’ll be right back, and who knows what we’re gonna talk about! So you’re listening to On the Minds of Men, this is Dr. Lori Buckley, and we will be right back.
Dr. Lori Buckley: And we’re back! We’re having so much fun! We had a lot of fun during the break, and again you’re listening to –
Carlin Ross: We had a lot of fun last night!
Betty Dodson: More fun than anybody should have.
Dr. Lori Buckley: We did! We had so much fun. So you probably want – why are we in bed in Cuernavaca? (laughing)
Carlin Ross: ‘Cause we drank a lot of tequila last night.
Dr. Lori Buckley: We did, and sanga – wait, sangrita.
Carlin Ross: Yeah, you take the tequila shot, this is the authentic Mexican thing, and Pepe, our driver, told us about it. You drink, we had Don Julio tequila –
Betty Dodson: You have the lime.
Carlin Ross: The lime’s first.
Betty Dodson: Oh, because I’d never tried this before, and I’m watching, I’m watching this smart-ass kid over here, she takes some of the lime and then she takes a sip of the tequila, and it’s followed by this red toma- is that tomato juice? What is that?
Dr. Lori Buckley: Sangrita. It’s like a V8.
Carlin Ross: It’s almost like a spicy – yeah, a spicy tomato juice, but you know, there’s no pulp or anything, it was really easy to sip with the tequila.
Betty Dodson: So, and then somehow all of these flavors get blended in your mouth. It was incredible!
Carlin Ross: It was orgasmic. We had like three shots before dinner, even Lori partook.
Dr. Lori Buckley: I did! I did, it was peer pressure, and –
Carlin Ross: Naughty girl.
Dr. Lori Buckley: I had to keep up –
Betty Dodson: Yeah, “peer pressure.” She didn’t have to have that third one.
Dr. Lori Buckley: So we are, we’re actually here, we’re doing some work, working on Betty’s film, and a friend of mine is working on that with her, and it’s just really, it’s fun.
Betty Dodson: You know what, this is gonna be Dodson and Ross, we’re now taking shape. This is a whole new internet television show that I’m working on with Carlin.
Dr. Lori Buckley: So look for that, that’ll be coming up.
Carlin Ross: That’s right, on YouTube probably, we’re gonna put some promo clips up. So we’ll let your little minds imagine…
Betty Dodson: Later on this afternoon they’re going to show me how to upload, download, sideload…well, this is all new!
Dr. Lori Buckley: It will be fun. And actually, we’re going to do a video as well, when you come to LA we’re going to shoot a little video, and we’re going to have it on the –
Carlin Ross: About what?
Betty Dodson: Us. Dodson and Ross.
Dr. Lori Buckley: It’ll be on the podcast. No, no! I’m going to be interviewing you about your film, and we’re gonna be talking about –
Betty Dodson: Oh, the film I’m doing with Mark!
Dr. Lori Buckley: Yeah.
Betty Dodson: Oh, cool, alright.
Dr. Lori Buckley: And we’ll be showing –
Carlin Ross: It’ll be Dodson and Buckley?
Dr. Lori Buckley: No no no, no, it’s just going to be Dodson, and I’m going to be talking to you about all of the things that you’re doing. So we are going to be doing a little video, and it’ll be up on the podcast. So that’ll be fun. That’ll probably be coming within the few months, we’ll be doing something about that when it gets released. So, okay, we were talking about masturbation, we were talking about lubricant, all important things to pleasurable sex. What else do our listeners, I mean what can you tell them about pleasure and sex?
Carlin Ross: You need fantasy, right?
Betty Dodson: And sex toys. Absolutely. I love them.
Carlin Ross: Sex toys, and you know what? I call them sex life accessories.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Oh, I like that!
Betty Dodson: You have all kinds of sex accessories that you need. You know, we have our jewelry, we have our makeup, we have our clothes, and some people we know are a little crazy about shoes, and the toys come along with it. I’ve been here in Cuernavaca for…what, about 5, 6 days? And I couldn’t figure out how to plug in my vibrator. It’s – really, I can’t do hand jobs anymore, not at my age, so it works now! I figured it out!
Dr. Lori Buckley: You’re in a better mood now.
Betty Dodson: I’m in a better mood!
Dr. Lori Buckley: She’s like another woman! She’s – she’s feeling so good. Well, I want to talk about toys, let’s stay there for a moment. What would you say are the sort of necessities, the foundation of your collection that most people should have?
Betty Dodson: This is so varied. From my point of view, when I work with a private client, I have a range of toys that she can experience, so everyone’s different. It’s like, we don’t wear the same hairstyle, we don’t wear the same makeup, we dress differently, so I honor the diversity and the variety, so I’ll have a little gentle battery vibrator, I have some of the contours. Now these things don’t work for me anymore, because I have my favorite. But I think what it is, is that introductory sex toys have a softer vibe, it’s for a woman who’s never used a vibrator on her clitoris, and then all the different size dildos – I remember in my workshops, I had the women carve a zucchini for penetration, because they didn’t, it was to, some of the dildos, you know, they’re rather expensive, if you get the good silicone.
Dr. Lori Buckley: So you can use a zucchini.
Betty Dodson: And the women would turn to me, and they would say, “Well, what size should I make it?” And I would say, “It’s your vagina, not mine.”
Dr. Lori Buckley: Right.
Betty Dodson: So you can try different sizes by actually carving, just get your potato peeler out, and start carving. Just take the skin off the outer edge of the veggie. You can use a carrot, I don’t recommend cucumbers because they can –
Carlin Ross: Too soft!
Betty Dodson: Well, yeah, and you get seeds.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Well, they do have the seedless variety.
Betty Dodson: Well, that’s true. I wouldn’t eat them, but I would fuck them.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Would you use a condom on it, or is it okay to put it in your –
Betty Dodson: No, it’s a vegetable, get an organic vegetable, you’ve taken the skin off.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Make sure it’s organic. You don’t want any chemicals on you.
Betty Dodson: Well, I would prefer organic, yes.
Dr. Lori Buckley: So, if you’re gonna put any kind of vegetable in your vagina, make sure it’s organic.
Betty Dodson: And peel it, peel the outer skin.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Ah, okay.
Betty Dodson: Because you’re, that’s gonna, then you can’t get rid of it. And so that way you can try littler, and bigger, and if it’s too big carve it down a little bit, then you’ve got an idea as to what size you like.
Dr. Lori Buckley: There’s something kind of naughty about it, too. I don’t know, something more naughty about putting a zucchini in your pussy than a vibrator.
Betty Dodson: The first time I did this, I wanted penetration, and I was in my studio, I was married at the time, and you think “Isn’t that weird? Why would she have to go find a dildo if she’s married?” But –
Betty Dodson: I could not, so I actually carved a candle. One of those column candles, I whittled away and –
Dr. Lori Buckley: You are so creative!
Betty Dodson: And when I got into it, and I carved the head of the penis –
Dr. Lori Buckley: She’s an artist.
Betty Dodson: The rim, I made it, oh, it was, I really, I loved that candle.
Dr. Lori Buckley: So what you’re saying is, try a lot of different things. Use your imagination! There’s no right toy or wrong toy, find what you like.
Betty Dodson: Well, what happens, too, is you find one, and then later on you want another one, or you want a new one, or you want a stronger one. I’m riding the Hitachi Magic Wand now.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Uh-huh.
Betty Dodson: And, you know, people get, it’s the – I know it’s big, but I use it on low, and I put a sock on the head to give me a little cushioning. And I’ve used that – I started in my late 30s, throughout my 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s. And I think I’m gonna be riding it right on through the 80s. I’ll be 88 and she – where’s Dodson? Oh, she’s in the bedroom –
Dr. Lori Buckley: She’s on her Hitachi.
Betty Dodson: She’s riding her Hitachi.
Carlin Ross: If I have anything to do with it, on your headstone is going to be the engraving of a Hitachi Magic Wand.
Dr. Lori Buckley: And that thing, I mean, you know, that thing is, that is powerful. And –
Betty Dodson: She died with it on.
Carlin Ross: I’ll make sure it’s in the casket, in your hand. On your clit.
Dr. Lori Buckley: We’ll need to get an electrical socket in there, though, ‘cause what good is it if it’s not plugged in, right?
Betty Dodson: Well, if I’m dead then it won’t really matter, but it would be nice to have it between my legs. Thank you, Carlin, I appreciate that.
Carlin Ross: Of course I would hook you up like that in the afterlife. You know how the Chinese, they bury you with the paper things of whatever you loved in this life?
Betty Dodson: Yes.
Carlin Ross: That’s what you loved!
Betty Dodson: Well, of course the other thing is that I’ve gone through hundreds of Hitachis.
Carlin Ross: You know what? That hits on an important point. People buy a sex toy and they use it forever. I want to hit on a little etiquette. If you’re a guy, and you have a sex toy in your apartment, you can not reuse sex toys when you start dating someone new.
Betty Dodson: Good point.
Carlin Ross: You’ve got to take them out of the package in front of the woman. And you can keep the same one for her, so if you want to put little boxes and have like Amanda, Nancy, Linda –
Dr. Lori Buckley: Put their picture on it.
Carlin Ross: Yeah. It’s just in bad taste. When a guy rips out a sex toy and it’s not in the packaging, I’m like what?
Dr. Lori Buckley: That is such a good point.
Carlin Ross: I hate that.
Dr. Lori Buckley: It’s someone else’s energy –
Carlin Ross: It’s got little hairs on it.
Dr. Lori Buckley: And pussy juice! It’s bad.
Carlin Ross: You know what? I put mine in the dishwasher, ‘cause that’s how you clean them every so often, you have to do it like with your double dongs and stuff like that. But you still can’t reuse it with a new person. It’s just not right, and it’s kind of insulting. If you want to get a smack across the face, that’s the easiest way.
Dr. Lori Buckley: So dildo and vibrator etiquette.
Carlin Ross: And I will give out, for the guys, ‘cause I always feel like – women, we know the sex toys that we like, and we experiment, but guys it’s kind of hard. You know, the natural contours, like the little massagers, those are good for beginner women that have never had a sex toy. So if this is your wife, and she’s never had one, and you want to introduce – those are great.
Dr. Lori Buckley: And they don’t look like penises.
Carlin Ross: Yeah, they’re not phallic. I also love the Laya – L-A-Y-A – massagers. Leave it to the Germans to come out with the perfect little motor device.
Dr. Lori Buckley: They’re amazing.
Carlin Ross: And there’s one that’s metal, and it’s like these little grooves where your fingers put in, and it’s just like a little roundish, kind of curved, vibrating thing. And you can kind of – and that’s fun, for partner sex. You can put it on nipples, put it on clits, assholes, those are great.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Can they get this on your website?
Carlin Ross: Yeah, go to newcherrybomb.com and click on “sex toys,” you can guy. It’s all with Adam and Eve, which has been around forever. And I promote them, and then I’ll get a couple of bucks, and then Betty and I and Lori, we can go out for drinks later.
Dr. Lori Buckley: More tequila! More tequila! So what is, if you were gonna be buried with a sex toy, Carlin, what would it be?
Carlin Ross: You know, I’ve been doing this lately, I’m a big fan of the Pocket Rocket. ‘Cause the Pocket Rocket is like supercharged clit toy, looks like a lipstick and it’s got like three metal beads on the top. And they’re like 30 bucks, so they’re a cheap commitment. And mine keeps on going! It’s been like three years and I just redo the batteries – that’s another thing. Remember to change your batteries. ‘Cause sometimes, you’ll think like, something’s not working, and it’s taking longer to cum, when you’re masturbating, and it’s because your batteries are dying. Have you had that?
Betty Dodson: Yes, your batteries are going down.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Although the Hitachi doesn’t use batteries.
Betty Dodson: But the toys you were talking about, come from the Fun Factory.
Carlin Ross: I love them.
Betty Dodson: They’re all fabulous, I have, I sell one on my website, the Strawberry – I named it. I renamed them. And it’s this – they’re fabulous. It has this little dial at the bottom, it’s battery driven, and you can go soft, and medium, and high – these things are great.
Carlin Ross: Know what else I love? They have the Heartbreaker, which is the best vibrating, like, dildo on the market. It doesn’t look like a dick, it’s like all ridged and red and it’s rechargeable, so you can leave it by your bed and you just put it in the charger. That’s fun for partner play, too.
Dr. Lori Buckley: That’s a neat thing to do. I’ve got to tell you also, bettersex.com, they have a new one, and I actually endorse it ‘cause I think this is a great toy – it’s a pocket rocket, it’s self-lubricating so you can put some lube in it, it has little roller, and it’s water proof, and it has like five different speeds, and you just press the little button on the bottom.
Carlin Ross: Yeah, I know that, it’s like the Water Dancer or something.
Dr. Lori Buckley: It’s really great, yeah, so it’s waterproof and it has the lubricant right in it, the little roller ball, it’s so very convenient. And it’s pink!
Carlin Ross: You know what’s funny? Do you know the most popular color for sex toys is purple? I had no idea.
Betty Dodson: Oh, that’s wonderful. That’s great, it’s royalty.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Purple for passion.
Carlin Ross: Yeah, I thought it would be pink, but it’s purple, and I was sitting with my adult distributor, but – oh, so I use the Pocket Rocket on the clit, and then I was like, okay, enough with the clit, I wanted to feel something internal. So I got the Love Wand. The Love Wand is like, it looks like a vibrating egg, and it has this like long stick and it has all these different speeds. And I like anything with speeds. ‘Cause sometimes you want it fast and furious, sometimes you want to be teased. And I put the Love Wand in, so it’s like right behind my vaginal bone, and then I put the Pocket Rocket on top, and I’ve had a couple girlfriends I gave them to, and they’re like “Oh, I don’t need anything internal, and ladadadada,” and I got a call at work the other day, it was a girlfriend, she was in the middle of masturbation, she called, she was like “Oh Carlin, it’s unbelievable, I gotta go, I’m on my third orgasm, goodbye!” And I’m like, that’s always like the best thing.
Betty Dodson: This is interesting because I went for a long time – once you go past menopause, you know and the lining of the vagina thins out, and it’s – eh, it’s not that important anymore. And so I was totally focused on my clit, and just didn’t give the vagina much thought at all. And I was having fabulous orgasms, and then one day I thought my orgasms are getting boring. I’ve got to do something different. So I started using penetration. And that was when I designed the Betty’s Vaginal Barbell –
Dr. Lori Buckley: I love, it’s a great thing.
Carlin Ross: Me, too.
Betty Dodson: Here it is, the problem for me with penetration and dildos is you put them in, you start working your PC muscles, and you pop ‘em out! They’ll go flying across the room!
Dr. Lori Buckley: You’ve got some strong pelvic muscles!
Betty Dodson: And I don’t want to hold on to my dildo the whole time I’m vibrating my clit.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Right.
Betty Dodson: So this, it weighs a pound, and you put it inside, and you can go in and out if you choose to.
Dr. Lori Buckley: And it warms up really nicely because it’s metal.
Betty Dodson: It warms up quickly. I like it going in cold, because – oop! – the muscle immediately responds. And then you – hands off. You can just sit there, and it’s there, and so you have that full feeling that I think women do like.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Yeah. And it has that big ball at the end, which really is good for G-spot stimulation. And you could do you Kegels, which not only feels good, but you’re also getting stronger pelvic muscles.
Carlin Ross: And what’s that video? You gave me one of your DVDs – Orgasming Women?
Dr. Lori Buckley: Thirteen Divas? Orgasming Divas?
Carlin Ross: What I loved about that is that – you used the barbell in all of those?
Betty Dodson: Just some, yeah. Let me tell you how that happened. I didn’t tell anyone what to do. I wanted to see how women today were masturbating. So I didn’t tell them what sex, I didn’t tell them what to wear, I just said come and show me how you masturbate. I want to see how you masturbate. I’m the mother of mastur – come show Granny how you get off. I was so proud of all of them. So they came in with whatever their favorite sex toy, and a couple – one woman had that old fashioned gun-shaped thing that was from the 60s (makes loud motor noise) – I mean, it was like, it sounded – so we just –
Dr. Lori Buckley: All the neighbors know! Their television sets are all –
Betty Dodson: We had to tone down the sound when we were editing that one. But they had the Pocket Rocket, they had the Water Dancer, there were several with the Magic Wand. Some used penetration, some didn’t.
Dr. Lori Buckley: And the pillow – there was the one who laid down and rubbed against the pillow?
Carlin Ross: That was my favorite! You know, I always watch, I have Porn Sundays, I make myself watch porn to see what’s good in the latest greatest.
Betty Dodson: You force yourself.
Carlin Ross: Yeah, ‘cause I have to fast-forward watching again – some of them are bad. But I was watching yours, and of course I didn’t fast-forward – but, out of all of the scenes I’m like yeah, that’s nice, that’s nice. The scene where the girl humps the blanket – oh my God! First of all she wasn’t the most attractive out of all of them, the little redhead was probably the best looking – but, she was going it for real. And as she was cumming, her whole ass turned red. Oh! It was –
Betty Dodson: I didn’t see that! I didn’t see that.
Carlin Ross: Her whole ass gets flushed with color right as she’s cumming, and then she arches her back up – oh my God, I have to admit, I had to go masturbate.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Okay, now, now –
Betty Dodson: I had no idea! I didn’t know there was a color change, I didn’t. I’ll go back and watch.
Dr. Lori Buckley: So Betty, I know some of our listeners are going to want to see this DVD now. I know I want to re-watch it. So where can they find that?
Betty Dodson: It’s on my website, bettydodson.com, and it’s –
Dr. Lori Buckley: What’s it called?
Betty Dodson: Orgasmic Women, 13 Self-Loving Divas.
Dr. Lori Buckley: And you know what? This is a great DVD for women and for men –
Carlin Ross: It’s fantastic.
Dr. Lori Buckley: And it really shows, it’s getting real.
Betty Dodson: It shows a variety.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Yeah, it’s real.
Betty Dodson: We always think, the way I do it is the right way, I mean that’s one of my big problems in life. I do it, and the way I do it is the right way to do it. No – everybody has their own way. There is no one right way to do anything. Do it the way that it works, that feels good.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Find your way. And show your partners.
Carlin Ross: And we talked about this yesterday: how you masturbate and how you orgasm, or how you like to have sex with your partner changes as you age.
Betty Dodson: Every decade that I’ve gone through, there’s been a variation. There’s been a shift, there’s been a change. And then, I didn’t get back into penetration until I was way past 60, what was I, sixty – I started taking the hormones, but I’m taking the natural hormones, made from the soybeans, not the synthetic.
Dr. Lori Buckley: Is that the bioidentical?
Betty Dodson: Yeah, the bioidentical. If you’re going to go – once you go on hormone therapy, don’t do the pharmaceutical stuff. It’s brutal. So anyway, then I’m back into penetration. And it’s like – wow! And what that did for my orgasms – so it’s like, you can go through a period where it’s clit only, you can – I’ve never gone through a period where it’s vaginal only, ‘cause I’ve always had to engage my clitoris for an orgasm. But then, by the time I’m in my early 70s, I’m combining vaginal penetration, anal penetration, and clitoral stimulation – all at the same time.
Carlin Ross: Home run!
Dr. Lori Buckley: The best of all worlds – now hang on, we have to take another really quick break, we’re gonna take a quick break, we’re gonna be right back –
Carlin Ross: Did you like that Hitachi?
Dr. Lori Buckley: I’ve got a lot – yeah, brrrr… - I’ve got lots of questions to ask! You’re listening to On the Minds of Men, this is Dr. Lori Buckley, and we will be right back.
Announcer: This concludes part 1. The interview will be continued in the next episode of this show.
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