Episode 20: In Bed with Dodson & Ross Part 2 with Betty Dodson & Carlin Ross

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Dr. Lori Buckley has an enlightening conversation with Betty Dodson, artist, author, Ph.D., and sexologist, and Carlin Ross, founder and president of www.newcherrybomb.com and podcast host of Guilty pleasures. In this two part episode Dr. Lori, Betty, and Carlin have a candid discussion about sex. We cover it all...listen in as we discuss masturbation, lubrication, fantasy, sex toys, penis size, anal sex, and more! This is Part 2 of a Two-Part series. More details on this episode go to http://personallifemedia.com/podcasts/minds-of-men/episode020-betty-dodson-carlin-ross-in-bed-part-2.html

Transcript

In Bed with Dodson & Ross Part 2

Announcer:  This program is intended for mature audiences only.

This is part two of a two-part podcast.  If you’d like part one, you’ll find it at personallifemedia.com.

Dr. Lori Buckley: Welcome.  You are listening to On The Minds of Men, and I’m your host, Dr. Lori Buckley, and I’m here in bed, in Cuernavaca, with Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross.

Betty Dodson: So there are just so many things these men can do.  And I lay it out.  So you can upgrade your masturbation, start getting a lot of sex toys and get some hot X-rated videos, and improve your fantasy life.  Or you can keep your own counsel and occasionally see a professional.  Or you can have an affair with a next door neighbor, but that’s dangerous.

…Well, darling, I was 69 and he was 22, and I know it probably isn’t legal, and I kept waiting –

Dr. Lori Buckley: It is legal!

Betty Dodson: I know it is, but I had the feeling – maybe I’m going to go to jail, I’m like “But I don’t care!”

Dr. Lori Buckley: Which makes it so much more fun!

Carlin Ross: If Hugh Hefner can do it and he has three 22-year-olds, you only have one.

Betty Dodson: He made origami flowers that must have taken him hours and hours.

Dr. Lori Buckley: Aw, isn’t that so sweet?

Betty Dodson: And he had the origami flowers laid in a box with beautiful colored tissue paper, and he had purple and black, and the flowers were roses.  And the flowers were also black and purple and red.  And it was so artful.

Dr. Lori Buckley: That is so sweet.  And you still have them?

Betty Dodson: Yeah, I want to actually throw them out now.

Dr. Lori Buckley: [laughing] So much for romance.

Carlin Ross: It hangs like an elephant trunk.  When I see him in the shower and I see his tight little ass and his dick hanging I’m just [gasps].  It gets me so excited!  I’ve tried to take pictures of it a million times and he’ll never let me.  He won’t let me do it.  And I tried – I even tried this trick when he was sleeping, I lifted the covers –

Dr. Lori Buckley: [laughing] Oh no!  That’s just wrong, Carlin!  That’s wrong!

Carlin Ross: His dick should be immortalized.  It’s fantastic.

And what was interesting is he did it, it worked, now they’re having partner sex, it’s great.  And I thought – he’s such a wonderful man, this is what he said to me – he’s calling me up,  he’s like “I just want to say thank you.  And you know what?  Now I know what it’s like to be a woman.  Because before the surgery, I could get hard and I could cum in like a couple of minutes.  Now, it takes me a full 10 to 20 minutes.  And now I know what it’s like, and now I have a lot more respect for the female orgasm.”

Dr. Lori Buckley: Yeah. And focus on the pleasure.  Because sex is fun!  Right?  Sex is fun, when you do it right.

[music]

Dr. Lori Buckley: We’re back!  I’m your host, Dr. Lori Buckley, and you’re listening to On The Minds of Men.  And I am here with Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross, and we’ve been talking about vibrators, and sex toys, and what we were just talking about before the break, I want to talk more about – Betty was talking about how her sexual pleasures and behaviors have changed over the decades, and I want to talk about triple penetration.  Let’s talk a little bit more about that.

[laughter]

Carlin Ross: She’s grabbing for the microphone.

Betty Dodson: Yeah, I want two microphones, please.

Dr. Lori Buckley: [laughs]

Carlin Ross: Keep it above the waist at all times!

Betty Dodson: Yes, ma’am.  [laughs]  No, but this whole thing about aging, and that sex ends –

Dr. Lori Buckley: Well, we know that new study now, right?  This new study that is showing – it’s kind of crazy – does that mean that now older people are enjoying sex?  No!  Older people have always been enjoying sex.  But now we have a study that shows us that.  Have you –

Betty Dodson: Yeah, well the thing is that not enough older people are enjoying sex.  There’s maybe more than we’d thought, because the cultural attitude is that a woman goes through menopause, and she’s married, and she’s been married to this same person for 35 years or whatever, and the sex was never really that good –

Carlin Ross: To begin with.

Betty Dodson: And they were only doing intercourse, and she never had orgasm, or she had them rarely.  So when she goes through menopause, it’s like “Oh, thank god, it’s over.  I don’t have to do that anymore.”  So they walk away from sex, and I understand it.  There’s no motivation to continue.  Because on my website, the questions I get all the time is, “I’ve been married for 35 years,” or “I’ve been married for 25 years, and my wife is not interested in sex anymore, and what am I going to do?”

Dr. Lori Buckley: Because it’s not interesting.

Betty Dodson: Well, yeah, or even if he was a dynamite lover, she’s bailed out because she wasn’t orgasmic.  It wasn’t – the pleasure part of it wasn’t there for her.  So there are just so many things these men can do.  And I lay it out.  So you can upgrade your masturbation, start getting a lot of sex toys and get some hot X-rated videos, and improve your fantasy life.  Or you can keep your own counsel and occasionally see a professional.  Or you can have an affair with a next door neighbor, but that’s dangerous because it could lead to a relationship.  Unless you – if you want to maintain your marriage, then I would suggest a professional.  First I suggest masturbation, second a professional, and then the third option would be bail out.

Dr. Lori Buckley: If that’s what you need to do, yeah.  You have choices.  You always have choices.  And it doesn’t have to end.  Now there are people, if they really just have no desire to have sex – I mean, that’s a choice, right?  It’s a choice.

Betty Dodson: It really is ok, you don’t have to – there’s nothing wrong with not having sex, except you know –

Dr. Lori Buckley: You’re missing out.

Betty Dodson: For those of us that love sex or love the feelings that go with it, I would miss it.  You could say “Ok, I’ll never have caviar again, or I’ll never eat a fresh raw salad, I’ll never eat a good steak dinner, I’ll never eat lamb chops.”

Dr. Lori Buckley: Oh no, no, no!

Carlin Ross: We had those last night, they were so good.

Dr. Lori Buckley: So there’s pleasure that they’re missing out on, but it’s more than that.  Sex is good for us! 

Carlin Ross: Yeah.  It releases endorphins.  It’s exactly what you need to stay kind of steady, right?  Don’t you think?

Betty Dodson: Oh, yes, totally.  It’s like – think of all the people that are on antidepressants.  Please!

Dr. Lori Buckley: Have another orgasm!

Carlin Ross: Well, that kills your sex trip.  So when did you start doing triple penetration?  Like at what age?  Because I think when you’re having sex with a partner it’s either his dick is in your pussy or his dick is in your ass, right?  And then I think there’s a point where you graduate, and you go “Wow.  I could have a toy in my ass while he’s fucking my pussy, and I have my Hitachi –

Dr. Lori Buckley: Yes, so it’s not like triple penetration, it’s like double penetration with some clit action.

Carlin Ross: Yeah, it’s almost – it’s triple penetration, but when people think of that they always think of porn, like you know what I mean?  There’s three guys.

Dr. Lori Buckley: There’s something in your mouth.

Carlin Ross: But when did you start doing that with the toys?  Like what age?

Betty Dodson: [laughs] That’s wonderful!  I had experimented with it in the 40s, but not really anywhere on a regular basis.  And then when I started having partner sex again at the tender age of 69 – isn’t it interesting, the number 69?

Dr. Lori Buckley: Funny how that works out.

Betty Dodson: Yeah, you’d think it would be oral sex?  No.  So I had this young lover show up, and I just thought it was going to be a weekend lark, but he’s still with me.

Dr. Lori Buckley: Now how old was he when you were 69?

Betty Dodson: Well, darling, I was 69 and he was 22, and I know it probably isn’t legal, and I kept waiting –

Dr. Lori Buckley: It is legal!

Betty Dodson: I know it is, but I had the feeling – maybe I’m going to go to jail, I’m like “But I don’t care!”

Dr. Lori Buckley: Which makes it so much more fun!

Carlin Ross: If Hugh Hefner can do it and he has three 22-year-olds, you only have one.

Dr. Lori Buckley: That’s right.

Betty Dodson: Thank you, thank you.  I’m looking for another one.

Dr. Lori Buckley: But isn’t that interesting –

Betty Dodson: I actually was thinking about Adam, but he –

[laughter]

Carlin Ross: That’s my brother, but he’s now in love.  Too bad.

Dr. Lori Buckley: But it is interesting, because there is – there still is this double standard, it’s getting a little bit better, we have cougars now, we’re aware that –

Carlin Ross: Well, Demi Moore did a lot for us with Ashton, because she snapped up the hottest piece of ass in Hollywood, and I have to say thank you, Demi.  She did it for us, because she made it okay.  Because you know what?  I have to say, I have a lot of groupies on my Myspace account, and they’re always 18 or 19 year old men, and they always have these gorgeous little pictures of themselves, like surfing and, know, they’re in jeans with no top and their legs are spread –

Dr. Lori Buckley: And their six-packs.

Carlin Ross: My favorites – and they just start writing me, and they want to have cyber sex with me, so I have cyber sex with a few of them, but it’s interesting.  It’s the Mrs. Robinson scenario, I think they want to learn – when they find out you’re a woman and you have a certain amount of sexual knowledge, they want to be taught.

Betty Dodson: Yeah, because when Eric showed up, it started off with he wanted to have a session, and I said fine, and he said, “But I really can’t afford your fee.”  And I said, “Well, let’s do what the Native Americans do” – I’m part Native American – that, as the fire woman, there was a woman in the tribe who would teach the young braves sex.  There always was – not a member of the family, but that was her job.  That was her profession.  And the fire woman was given a gift.  So I said, “You can give me a gift.” 

Carlin Ross: What did he do?

Betty Dodson: He made origami flowers that must have taken him hours and hours.

Dr. Lori Buckley: Aw, isn’t that so sweet?

Betty Dodson: And he had the origami flowers laid in a box with beautiful colored tissue paper, and he had purple and black, and the flowers were roses.  And the flowers were also black and purple and red.  And it was so artful.

Dr. Lori Buckley: That is so sweet.  And you still have them?

Betty Dodson: Yeah, I want to actually throw them out now.

Dr. Lori Buckley: [laughing] So much for romance.

Carlin Ross: You know, it’s New York City apartments.  New York City apartments, you can’t keep anything!  You don’t have any space!

Betty Dodson: If I had a basement, they’d be in the basement.  He saw me one day – I said “These are just collecting dust, and we could use the vase, blah blah” and he said “Don’t throw those out!”  He’s so sentimental.  But here’s the point, is that he wanted to experience anal sex, because the girls in college weren’t ready to go there.

Dr. Lori Buckley: He wanted to be the giver.

Betty Dodson: He wanted to penetrate a woman anally, and learn how to do it without causing pain.  And I thought, “That’s brilliant.”  And you know, the first thing you think is “Eh, maybe he’s a little gay.”  And I thought “I don’t care – he’s so pretty!  Fine, he’s gay, he’s bi.”  But he’s very much into anal penetration.  And then at one point, it became too much trouble because – I mean, here’s keeping it real again – in order to do anal sex at my age, or how I would function, is you do have to clean out the lower bowel, so it requires an enema.

Dr. Lori Buckley: Well, all ages you want to be clean.

Betty Dodson: To rinse it out.  And that’s kind of involved.  It’s a bit complicated.  Now if you’re one of these little young girls who are skinny and don’t eat, maybe, or constipated, [laughs] it wouldn’t be a problem.  But you also have to deal with shit!  It will show up from time to time.

Carlin Ross: You know, there’s another myth we can clear up for men.  If you’ve ever been on a porn set, and I have because they’re my sets, all those women have enemas before anal penetration.  You can not initiate anal sex with your woman after dinner.  Or in the morning.  Just – let’s get that out there right now.

Dr. Lori Buckley: Or after coffee!

Carlin Ross: Yeah, and you know what I mean?  You kind of have to say, like, “Is this cool?”  You have to have a little bit of a dialogue, and they do have enemas.  They stop eating the night before an anal sex scene.  They’ll stop eating at, like, 6:00.  You know what I mean?  And that way it’s – so it’s one of those things, you have to be kind of open enough and have that – you know?  You can come up with a signal, maybe a wink, you know what I mean?  Something.

Betty Dodson: So I didn’t want to go through this ritual all the time, all the time.

Dr. Lori Buckley: So much work.

Betty Dodson: Exactly.  Occasionally I will do it.  So we set up this little system where – and I love the feeling of anal penetration once something’s inside, and it’s this complete, total surrender to fullness.  So we figured it out – he could use a dildo in my butt, and his penis would go in my vagina.  And that way, when you take the dildo out, if there is poo on it, it’s not a big deal.

Dr. Lori Buckley: And you can put a condom on the dildo.

Betty Dodson: Well, you know, you can just – it’s mine.  Nobody uses it but me.

Dr. Lori Buckley: Yeah.

Betty Dodson: So it’s stained.

Carlin Ross: That’s what you always find in Joe Gallant movies – he’s more of an elevated porn taste, but he’s like, “Carlin, we do real anal sex.  There’s shit on the condom.”  And that’s what I always say in my films, there has to be shit on the condom.  I’m like, “I love you Joe.  I love you, you’re so cool.”

Betty Dodson: I love you, too, Joe.

Carlin Ross: But there’s a realism to sex, I think, that people get freaked about, you know? 

Dr. Lori Buckley: Well, anal sex is something that I get a lot of questions about.  It’s something that is – it’s still in the taboo category, which we all love something a little bit taboo.  And we know there’s a lot of nerve endings around our anus.  And there is a lot of pleasure.  The problem is, when people are uptight about it psychologically, which translates into physically –

Carlin Ross: Oh, of course.

Dr. Lori Buckley: - and their anus is all tight, well, then it hurts.  You need to be really relaxed, you need to be really aroused, you need to use lots and lots and lots of lube –

Carlin Ross: Oh, and lube?  You don’t just take your finger and put lube around the asshole.  You have to put lube on your dick.

Dr. Lori Buckley: You need lots of lube.

Carlin Ross: And inside, because what guys do is they put lube on their fingers and they play with your asshole – there’s nothing lubricating in an ass.  It’s not a pussy, you have to put lube on the dick.

Dr. Lori Buckley: She’s right, it’s not a self-lubricating thing.

Betty Dodson: I could never do anal penetration with pleasure involved, unless I was working my PC muscle.  So it’s interesting – we really have to tune into that muscle, because it’s very, very basic for any kind of sexual pleasure.  So what happens is, in order to do anal penetration, I tighten the muscle really tight, and then I let it go and I push out a little bit.

Dr. Lori Buckley: Yes.

Betty Dodson: And it opens, and you can go in a little way, and then hold.  Don’t try to go all at once.  Go slow.

Dr. Lori Buckley: Go very slow.

Betty Dodson: And then squeeze again, and then relax and bear down.  And if you get a mirror and look at yourself, you can see both the vagina and the anus closing and opening, and then pushing out opens it even more.

Dr. Lori Buckley: That’s a good idea.  And if you look on the website at personallifemedia.com, and look at the interview that I did with Betty once ago, there actually is me talking about, at the end, there’s an exercise where I talk about how to strengthen those PC muscles, how to do Kegels.  And there’s also a written handout that you can download that talks about that.  Because it’s so important to be able to do, and another way to know if you’re doing them correctly is, if you use the barbell, you can see the barbell move up and down when you’re squeezing those muscles.

Carlin Ross: I must be a freak, because I’ve never had any problems with anal sex, and I’m always loose and limber.  And I’ve never done any of that pushing out.  And my boyfriend has a huge member.  So I must –

Betty Dodson: You ever bear down?

Carlin Ross: No.  I kinda –

Betty Dodson: Darling, I’m an old lady with a tight ass.

Dr. Lori Buckley: [laughs] But you’re relaxed!

Carlin Ross: You know, I’m at the gym all the time, I guess I’m relaxed, I’m not scared about anal sex.  And my man, he’s 47 and he’s never had anal sex before.  And I asked him a question, I didn’t think believe him.  I’m like, “You’ve never had anal?”  So one night we went out and we were boozing it up, drinking and smoking and carousing, and we came home, we had sex for like two hours, and I stuck – what I did was I just started to rub the head of his dick on my asshole, and then I’m like, you know what?  I’m going to rock his world.  So all of a sudden I just started putting it in.  It’s probably because he has a really big dick that no woman was going to take the anal.  Because it’s a physical – you see that dick and you’re like [scared noise] –

Dr. Lori Buckley: It’s a scary thing.

Carlin Ross: I was kind of like, I want to see if I can take it, you know what I mean? 

Dr. Lori Buckley: It was a challenge!  Bring it on!

Carlin Ross: Yeah, it was a challenge!  And we had anal sex, and it was –

Betty Dodson: What position?

Carlin Ross: You know, I started off in a spooning position because I thought that would be good for him, because then it wouldn’t go all the way in.  But by the end I was on top.  I do like anal on top.  Because then you’re in control, and you can get all the way in if you want.  You know, sometimes when you’re doing anal missionary with your legs in the air, women feel a little like he’s in control.  There’s something about being in control of your anal penetration. 

And we went to town!  And then he was so cute, because he was like, “I don’t want to cum in your ass!”  and I’m like, “No no no no!  You can cum in my ass, don’t worry about it.”  And he was so – and now that has become like the ultimate fantasy dirty talk we do all the time.  He’s like “I’m going to fuck you in the ass!  [monster noises]!’

Betty Dodson: The first time I did anal sex, when I was in my, I think I was in my 40s the first time I did it.  And it’s interesting, I – the same thing.  This guy had a really large, large penis.  And I just – it was such a challenge.  And I got on top, and I was playing with my clit, and I was just kind of moving around and easing it in – but now, I am addicted to doggy style.  Oh!  Oh!  It’s the right angle.  And I would – this is the problem – this is –

Dr. Lori Buckley: Because it goes toward the front wall.

Betty Dodson: Also, the problem is that the lube will drain down and go into the urinary track, and now you’ve got a urinary track infection –

Dr. Lori Buckley: That’s very true.

Betty Dodson: You know, I don’t like “infection.”  It’s – you’re out of balance.  And you can – there’s certain things you can do, the cranberry juice, but if it’s a really bad one you’ll end up taking an antibiotic.

Dr. Lori Buckley: And you know what, since we’re talking about anal hygiene it’s really important that we mention, since this is important, people think that if they use a desensitizing cream or a numbing cream it’s going to make it less painful.  Whatever you do, do not do that!  We need to have feeling – first of all you don’t want to anesthetize your penis –

Carlin Ross: Pain is there to help us.

Dr. Lori Buckley: Right, we need to know if we’re feeling pain, so do not use numbing creams or desensitizing creams.  Don’t use them for vaginal penetration, or for anal.

Betty Dodson: How big is his dick?

[laughter]

Carlin Ross: Oh, my man’s dick?  You know, I have to admit, it took me a couple of weeks to get my pussy used to his dick.

Dr. Lori Buckley: Wow.

Carlin Ross: Because he – you know, he’s West Indian.  And he’s uncircumcised.  And it’s about 13 inches long.  And it’s a good solid 4 or 5 inches wide.

Dr. Lori Buckley: Wow. [laughs]

Carlin Ross: It hangs like an elephant trunk.  When I see him in the shower and I see his tight little ass and his dick hanging I’m just [gasps].  It gets me so excited!  I’ve tried to take pictures of it a million times and he’ll never let me.  He won’t let me do it.  And I tried – I even tried this trick when he was sleeping, I lifted the covers –

Dr. Lori Buckley: [laughing] Oh no!  That’s just wrong, Carlin!  That’s wrong!

Carlin Ross: His dick should be immortalized.  It’s fantastic.

[laughter]

Carlin Ross: But I did ask him, I said “Did you ever have problems with women?”  A lot of women have problems, and guys, if you have small dicks and you’re like “Screw these chicks,” and we’re all giggling and having a good time, let me tell you – a lot of women do not like big dicks.  They get scared.  They like it small, and they like to be able to really get it in all the way and not be fearful. 

And I asked him, I said “Did you ever have problems with women?”  He’s like, “Yeah, I did.”  And I think, and he even said our sex life has been so freeing for him, because the first time that we do doggy – most women, if you have a big dick they don’t want to do doggy.  We do all the positions, we do all of the inputs.  And blowjobs – I like the gagging blowjob, you know what I mean?  I like to be full.  And he was never really able to experience sex in that way.  He went through his whole life to 47.  It goes to show you, having a big dick can be a liability.

Betty Dodson: Absolutely.  And this is something that the men have to realize, that the average – I always look for the average sized dick.  Because I have the average sized vagina.  What kind of a vagina do you have, darling?

Carlin Ross: I guess I must have a long track.

Betty Dodson: I think so.  Yes, yes, that’s – could we measure it?

Carlin Ross: Let’s measure it!

Dr. Lori Buckley: I want to do it!  Should we – we’ll do that later.  We’ll do that after the tequila and sangrita tonight.  [laughs]

Carlin Ross: Who knows how long I’ll be then?

[laughter]

Carlin Ross: A little tequila between us, hmm.

Dr. Lori Buckley: But we do want to talk about size a little bit because, yeah.  We know that sexual pleasure – there are size queens out there, but for the most part sexual pleasure for women is not about the size of a man’s penis.

Carlin Ross: No, most women it’s 2 or 3 inches.  The average guy is like 4 to 5 inches, and that’s a couple inches too much.  I had a guy that had a small dick, but I’ll tell you this much: he curved up. 

Dr. Lori Buckley: And you can do that with positions, as well.

Carlin Ross: And you can do it with positions, like if your dick curves down, try doggy.  Because then you’ll hit her at the right spot.  You’ll be hitting the top of her pussy, and that’s where it’s pleasurable.  So you should really vary your position by the type of dick.  If it goes to the left, if it goes to the right –

Betty Dodson: This is true.  I’ve got to say that my absolute best first lover had a 5-and-a-half inch dick when he was erect, but he was the one that during intercourse he’d be fucking me, and he reached down and stimulated my clitoris with a wet finger and a soft, gentle touch.  I thought I’d died and gone – because until then, I was trying to always have my orgasms from vaginal penetration.  Sometimes it would work, most of the time it didn’t work.  And then when I made – and this just blows my mind – I spent most of my life masturbating by stimulating my clitoris, then I’d go to have partner sex in my 20s and I’m trying to come from penetration only.

Dr. Lori Buckley: Doesn’t make sense.

Betty Dodson: I thought – and when he – I was what?  I was 35 before I got the two together!  Can you believe this?

Carlin Ross: Oh my god, you poor child!  I know, we could tell guys, the best sex toy is a licked finger.  And you’ve got ten of them.  You know, you’ve got to stimulate the clit.  Lori had a little finger story, but we won’t out her because she’s supposed to be the professional. 

Dr. Lori Buckley: [laughs] We have to have some secrets, yeah.

Carlin Ross: But the fingers – oh, remember when you were in junior high and you knew the one guy who could really use his fingers and you were like [moans] heavy petting, and then he’d put his hands down your pants, and you were like “Oh!  Here it comes!”

Betty Dodson: I’m going to cum!  I love Bob, I always talk about – my high school sex was manual sex.  And I didn’t even have to do him.  He was so happy to explore a female pussy, it was like heaven for him.

Dr. Lori Buckley: It’s all new and exciting!

Carlin Ross: And did he smell his fingers afterwards?  I love it when young boys do that.

Betty Dodson: Well, I wake up in the morning and I reach down and take a whiff myself.

Dr. Lori Buckley: Which is a good thing to do!  You know if it’s healthy!

Carlin Ross: You should definitely smell your pussy, because you know what’s going on.

Dr. Lori Buckley: Yeah!  You know when it’s healthy, you know when it’s not, it’s definitely a good thing to do.  You know, the newness, the excitement, the dry humping, and the manual sex, we could do that in any relationship that we’re in.

Carlin Ross: Or what you could do is say whatever – that’s also taking control.  Be like, “Guess what?  We’re not having sex for two weeks.”  And have your partner be like “What?”  And then you just get each other crazy, like just make out and go down on each other, and just keep it with like no penetration for two weeks.  And watch yourselves get all reignited, you get all excited.

Dr. Lori Buckley: Yeah.  I have my couples do that all the time, and it really does bring this new level – plus it teaches them to be present.  They’re not so focused on all of this stuff that they’re supposed to be doing.

Carlin Ross: And as soon as you can’t do something, you want to do it, right?

Dr. Lori Buckley: Yeah, but I think a lot of it is – part of it is that, it’s like I can’t so I want it more, but the other part is you relax about all of these expectations and all of these goals.

Carlin Ross: Yeah, you take it out of the way.

Dr. Lori Buckley: Exactly.

Carlin Ross: I had an uncle who was treated for prostate cancer.  And it’s interesting when you change careers, because I was a lawyer first, and then I started doing this about three or four years ago.  I had this idea of a sex site for women where we really talked, and we’re really open and we had all these great debates, it was like you could buy sex products, you could watch porn, but it was for us, you know?  I started talking about it.  So, about a year ago I’m at the family Thanksgiving party, and my aunt, who’s 60 and just married a 40 year old –

Dr. Lori Buckley: Good for her.

Carlin Ross: Bill, oh, gorgeous head of hair, beautiful man.  If you met Bill, you’d be all over him.  Betty would love him.  And he had prostate cancer.  And they caught it in time, it was great, he went through his surgery or whatever.

Betty Dodson: Say that again?  Slow down.  He had prostate cancer and…?

Carlin Ross: He had some kind of surgery, and I think one round of chemo.  But they caught it soon enough, so he was fine.  And my aunt’s a little hottie.  And we’re at Thanksgiving, and I guess I’d heard that he’d had it done, but I wasn’t going to bring it up, you know. 

But all of a sudden I’m on my second glass of wine, he corners me at the bar and he’s like, “Carlin, I have to talk to you.  I’m having some sexual issues.”  And he’s like “Part of it is I’m just so fearful, I don’t know, what should I do?  I don’t want to let her down during sex.”  And for him, it was “What if my dick can’t perform anymore?”  So I said, “Uncle Bill, this is what you do.”  I said, first of all I asked him a couple of questions about what gets him hot.  Because I’m like, we’re going to get you some porn.  He’s like, “I haven’t watched porn in 30 years.”  I’m like, “You’re going to watch it.”

So I asked him a couple of questions, and I found him the perfect DVD for him: Michael Ninn’s Catherine.  If you’ve seen a lot and you love the fantasy and you need something that’s really going to stimulate a part of your brain that isn’t really stimulated by –

Betty Dodson: What was that name again?

Carlin Ross: Michael Ninn.  Pick up Catherine.  He filmed it in a castle in Budapest.  And if you need a little bit of extra in your porn, if you want to see something that is visually evocative and really fantastical and you’re desensitized by just seeing two people in a hotel room fucking because you’ve seen it on the internet a million times, pick up Michael Ninn’s Catherine.  You can pick it up on my site, just put in Catherine, it will come up with Audrey Hollander.  First of all, no fake breasts, gorgeous, you’ll love it. 

So anyway, I go, “Ok, you’re going to buy Catherine.”  Then I got him to pick up some lube.  I told him “What you’re going to do is you’re not going to tell Aunt Ellen.  What you’re going to do is she goes off to work, you work from home, and I want you to start masturbating every day.  At first I just want you to watch the porn.  And if you get excited, touch your dick.  If you don’t, don’t.  And then, if you start touching your dick and you want to add some lube, do it.”

And then I said “Don’t have partner sex until you are masturbating and you are ejaculating, and now you have the confidence you can’t put it on her.  You know?  You’re going to start having partner sex, it’s not going to happen.  And what was interesting is he did it, it worked, now they’re having partner sex, it’s great.  And I thought – he’s such a wonderful man, this is what he said to me – he’s calling me up,  he’s like “I just want to say thank you.  And you know what?  Now I know what it’s like to be a woman.  Because before the surgery, I could get hard and I could cum in like a couple of minutes.  Now, it takes me a full 10 to 20 minutes.  And now I know what it’s like, and now I have a lot more respect for the female orgasm.”

Betty Dodson: Isn’t that fabulous?

Dr. Lori Buckley: Uncle Bob.  We love you, Uncle Bob.  It’s such a nice story!  Ok, now we do need to wrap up, unfortunately.  I could sit here all day and talk – which we will, probably, we just won’t tape it!  [laughs]  But we do need to wrap up, but I want to ask you both one final question that I always ask my guests, which is: if you have one bit of advice for our listeners, or anything you want them to know that would be helpful for them to either get more sex, or have better sex, or be a better lover, what would that be?

Betty Dodson: [gasps] Oh, there’s a million things I could think of! 

Dr. Lori Buckley: I know!

Carlin Ross: My mind is flooded.

Betty Dodson: For me, the big breakthrough for me was the combination.  I know everybody’s hot for the G-spot, but wow – I’ve got to tell you, you could G my spot forever and nothing’s going to happen.  For me it’s more direct clitoral stimulation during penetration.  And I just keep – you know, I had the students at New York University repeating “Clitoral stimulation during vaginal penetration.  Clitoral stimulation during vaginal penetration.”  Now yes, I feel a little spot in the – yeah, kind of up in the ceiling, it’s kind of more sensitive, but it goes away, then you find it again and it leaves again.  But the clitoris also drifts, but it is a much more reliable path to orgasm. 

And the best way to deal with this if you’re a guy is let your woman do her own clitoris.  If she can go there, that is the best.  Because who knows it better than her?

Dr. Lori Buckley: Yeah, and if you’re going to be having really fun, pleasurable, comfortable sex, your woman – you want her to be able to touch her clitoris.  I mean, there’s so much freedom in that.

Betty Dodson: So he’s getting what he wants, the way he’s moving and whatever angle he’s using, and she’s getting what she wants.  So they now have a dance.

Dr. Lori Buckley: And they have the combination.  She’s got the combination.  I think that is a great tip.  Don’t forget the clitoris, the blended penetration and clitoral stimulation at the same time.  And the main thing here, I think a really good message is – let your woman – give her the permission to touch her clitoris while you’re having sex, because it’s going to be a great thing for everybody.  I like that a lot.  What about you, Carlin?

Carlin Ross: You know, I would have to tie into body image.  I think we’re living in a culture now where we’re flooded with digitally enhanced images, and we have these magazines, we have this idea – everyone in Hollywood is getting spray tanned, and you have this idea of what a sexy body is supposed to look like.  And I think that keeps a lot of people from sexual pleasure, because they don’t think that they look good enough, and they want the lights out.  And I think, you know what?  You have to be comfortable in your own skin.

Dr. Lori Buckley: So true.

Carlin Ross: Walk around naked, you look great.  And you know what?  Let me tell you, I’m not the skinniest woman in the world –

Dr. Lori Buckley: She’s hot.

Carlin Ross: I’m hot but I have a fat ass, and let me tell you – growing up as a white chick with a fat ass, I heard it all the time.  All kinds of stuff.  I can tell you what, anyone who’s really into sex, they’re into full bodies.  So you know what, rid yourself of that.  As long as you’re getting your partner off, you know what I mean?  That’s the moment.  Everyone thinks you have to look a certain way and then the sex will be good.  No.

Dr. Lori Buckley: And that goes for men and women.  Because men are concerned about their penis, or they don’t have a six-pack –

Carlin Ross: Get past it!  It doesn’t matter!  It’s about reaching those heights of pleasure, exploring, keeping your mind open to pleasure.  And let all that stuff fall aside, that you need hair plugs, or you need a penis extension.

Dr. Lori Buckley: Vulva bleaching?

Carlin Ross: Yeah, you need to cut your vagina.  You know what?  Stop looking to society and our culture.  You know, porn – I love porn, but porn is a fantasy.  It’s not real.  We look at that imagery because it’s this exaggerated notion of sexuality, to get us hot.  Use it to get you hot but, you know what?  Love your woman’s brown vagina.  Love your man’s five inch dick.  Just get over it. 

Dr. Lori Buckley: Yeah, and focus on the pleasure.  Because sex is fun!  Right?  Sex is fun, when you do it right.

Betty Dodson: Sex is good when you do what feels good.

Dr. Lori Buckley: Right.  When you do it right, it is just about pleasure.  Focus on that and get rid of all the other bullshit, and everyone will be happier, the world will be a much better place.  And there you have it.  So it has been such a pleasure talking to you both and getting this on tape – so much fun, it’s just been great.  Thank you so much.  And listeners, where can they find you?  I know we talked about it, but where can they get information about you?

Carlin Ross: BettyDodson.com, and my site is newcherrybomb.com.

Dr. Lori Buckley: Check it out, you can get all the things we’ve talked about on the show, thank you so much for listening.  If you want transcripts of this show or any other show at Personal Life Media, go to personallifemedia.com.  And I would love to hear your comments – write me at [email protected].  You’ve been listening to On The Minds of Men, this is your host Dr. Lori Buckley, and Betty has something to say.

Betty Dodson: I just wanted to – you said it so fast, everybody, when you get older you have to have people say things slower.

Dr. Lori Buckley: Oh, ok, I’ll say it slower.  Lori – dot dot –

Betty Dodson: That’s better.

Carlin Ross: Sexier, too.

Dr. Lori Buckley: So, if you want to write me, write me at [email protected].  Thanks for listening!  Bye!

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