Episode 53: Releasing Stuckness and Selfish Forgiveness
Do you ever feel really stuck? Like no matter how hard you try you end up in the same place? On this episode, learn what stuckness really is, and, of course, how to release yourelf from it. Plus, Renee begins a conversation on the very selfish act of forgiveness, and show you how it could literally lighten your load.
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Renee Stephens: Welcome to Inside Out Weight Loss. I am your host Renee Stephens and together we are accessing and adjusting the control panel of your mind body system, bringing ease and joy to your weight loss journey and fullness to the rest of your life. On today’s show what being stuck really means and, of course, how to release your stuckness, plus an introduction to a selfishly selfless act that could bring forth a quantum leap into the joy and the power of now.
From a Law of Attraction perspective what that says is that moment of appreciation, that moment of awakening to the gifts that you have in this moment is the same vibration as attracting more wonderful gifts into your life. So that’s one of the things that I love about the Law of Attraction, that it says that if you enjoy and appreciate now, you are actually attracting more cool things into your life for later.
Part of you really, really wants to be slim and fit and healthy, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah and that team is pulling and tugging on one side of the big, thick, nobly rope that hurts your hands if you grip it to tight and if you pull too hard and they are there sweating and they are pulling and they are just digging their feet and trying to move and for every inch, every millimeter that they gain, the outer side that says, “No. I don’t want to be slim, fit and healthy. No way, I like, I am getting something out of what I am doing. I like it here.” And yet, who suffers? It is almost as if by carrying around our anger, our resentment, all of those negative emotions which, in fact, could almost be seen on some of our bodies as excess weight actually continues the hurt. It’s as if we are continuing to give power to give them the license to rehurt us over and over again because every time we think of it, every time we get down because of what they did to us and how dreadful they are, we are letting them win.
Let’s take a few moments to arrive and be present to this opportunity for growth, to this opportunity to break through what’s been holding you past and become firmly and completely present in the moment of now and as we do that, and as you drop inside and become present with you, I would like to share this bliss trip courtesy of my friend Kirstin Sjoquist and her site blisstrips.com. “A shower of flowers descends from the heavens. Delicate blossoms drifting down through the air. Roses, Geraniums, Daisies and Lilacs. A curtain of blooms tumbling to earth. Snapdragons, Irises, Tulips and Orchids. See them softly falling from above cascading around you. They cover the ground as far as you can see; red, yellow, blue, purple, indigo, cerulean, cerise and, scarlet. Like a winter snowfall they blanket the earth allowing you to fall backwards into the cushion of petals. Breathe in deeply the luscious scents a palette of fragrances to choose from. Your arms and legs fan through the buds, creating a flower angel to be admired from above. Let the flowers caress you with silky-soft petals that touch reminding you to find a gentle vividness laced through your day. I can smell those flowers now.
So let’s take a moment to set our intention for today’s episode. What’s yours for today and for your journey? It is no accident that you are here. You have come here for a reason. There is something here for you. Perhaps your intention is to find it. Perhaps your intention is to have a breakthrough today, a breakthrough to be present to the beauty of the current moment to the peace available within right now.
Remember that you can be and perhaps are naturally slender in this moment now. Right now, perhaps you already are and perhaps you can extend that naturally slender moment, that naturally slender present into even later today through a meal when you find you simply tune into your body and selfishly decide to only choose what will give you the most pleasure over the most time, what would give you the gift of a relaxed and peaceful evening, restful sleep and energized and bright start to your day tomorrow morning when you realize that you feel good in your body. Ah.
You are naturally slender right in this moment and as you are, your body catches up. The outer begins to look like the inner and others begin to notice what has been going on for a long time already. So why not start and be now that person that you want to be.
I read on the Inside Out Weight Loss Yahoo group or perhaps it was the Inside Out Weight Loss blog today, a comment by a member who shared that she was listening to the episode on the success journal when she realized that she too, had become the person that she dreamed of being, the one who leaves food on her plate, the one who stops when satisfied. How cool is that? To wake up one day and realize that you have in this moment what you have been dreaming of. How wonderful is that? From a Law of Attraction perspective what that says is that, that moment of appreciation, that moment of awakening to the gifts that you have in this moment, is the same vibration as attracting more wonderful gifts into your life. So that’s one of the things that I love about the Law of Attraction that it says that if you enjoy and appreciate now, you are actually attracting
more cool things into your life for later.
As you set your intention, I will share with you that mine today is to awaken you to the joy and the gifts of this moment and this body that lives and breathes and works for you. This body that allows you to love and be loved and from this loving place we can create. That’s the secret that there is no better place to create than from an accepting place. Seeing yourself from the eyes that you see a beloved pet or child. That is the place of growth. That is the place from which we thrive. That is the place from which we create. There is a certain irony to it isn’t there? It is sort of counterintuitive that if I accept myself as I am now then maybe I won’t be motivated to change when in reality accepting ourselves as we are now acknowledges the inherent change of our nature. In other words, we are constantly changing. If you look at the quantum level, if you look even at the atomic level, you will see that matter is constantly in motion. We cannot stay still.
What is stuckness? People come to me and they say, “Well, I feel I am so stuck. I can’t seem to move no matter what I do. I am just stuck.” The interesting thing about being stuck, about stuckness, is that it gives the illusion that nothing is happening when, in fact, a huge amount is actually happening because stuckness actually means that there are equal forces pushing you, moving you in one direction as in the opposite of that direction. Let me say that again. Being stuck simply means there are equal forces pushing you in one direction as pushing you in the opposite of that direction. It’s like that tug of war that I described in an earlier episode when part of you really, really wants to be slim and fit and healthy, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah and that team is pulling and tugging on one side of the big thick nobly rope that hurts your hands if you grip it too tight and if you pull too hard and they are sweating and they are pulling and they are just digging their feet and trying to move and for every inch, every millimeter that they gain the outer side that says, “No, I don’t want to be slim, fit and healthy. No way, I like, I am getting something out of what I am doing. I like it here.” And that side is pulling and tugging and gripping that thick rough rope as hard as they can. They are pulling and tugging so that every millimeter the opposing side makes they pull it back and so that little flag in the middle barely, barely moves.
Now if you were to just see the middle. If you just saw the middle and you didn’t see the teams on either side, you would think well there is very little happening here. There is a little tiny bit movement but hardly at all. You would say maybe it is stuck but in reality there is huge energy, opposing energies that are canceling each other out. So when you are stuck in your routine. When you are stuck on the sofa eating on bon bons or chips or whatever the heck it is, does that mean that nothing is happening or does it mean that perhaps there is a conflict within you that is quelling your life force, quelling your creativity, quelling your zest and enjoyment, your childlike love of life. Perhaps that is really what’s going on when you think that you are stuck. And so the beauty of that is, the joy of that is, is that there are loads of energy available to you, more than perhaps you could even imagine.
It’s all right there and as soon as you release what’s been holding you back, as soon as you come to that place of inner alignment then that energy will be released and you will find yourself going back to your natural state which is one of learning and growing and curiosity and creating. That’s our natural state. Look at children. Look what happens when you do the same thing over and over again. If you are driving and you take the same route over and over again, I guarantee you that within a few drives you will start optimizing your route. You will make sure that you are in the right lane ahead of time. You will make sure that you get your turn signal on. I am hoping you get your turn signal on because I really do love it when people use their turn signals. You will make sure that you are optimized for that particular trip because now you have practice at it. That is the same thing with anything. Anything you do repeatedly you get better at whether it is a job or a manual labor task or the way that you load your dishwasher if you have a dishwasher. We are natural learners and if you are not learning in your quest to be healthier and slimmer and fitter, it is because you have a conflict within you. It is because you have equal and opposing forces pulling away on that tug of rope giving you the illusion that you are stuck, when in reality what it is, is a big old conflict going on.
So go back and come to that place of inner alignment. If you would like help with this you can consider the guided journey available for sale on my site called, “Sabotage Self Sabotage” which is a deep process to bring you to that place of inner alignment. Go back and listen to the earlier episode when we talk about sabotaging self sabotaging. We talk about creating inner alignment by understanding the positive intent of each of those teams of each of those parts of ourselves.
It is time for us to take a break now to support our sponsors. When we come back, I want to introduce you to a concept that could very well release you from what’s been holding you back and cause, ignite that quantum leap to naturally slender.
This is your host Renee Stephens and you are listening to Inside Out Weight Loss on Personal Life Media.
We are back now. Before the break we were talking about stuckness what it is really is and how to release the energy that is there waiting to be released. So what was that concept. What is that concept that I introduced before the break that concept that is so powerful that it could lead you to a quantum leap. The interesting thing about this concept, this idea, this act, is that it is typically considered a very, very selfless thing to do good It’s considered the kind of thing that we do if we are being Christians or good spiritual people or upstanding citizens. It’s the kind of thing that is considered to be very, very selfless but in reality it is an incredibly selfish thing to do.
Do you remember episodes ago when we talked about the concept of enlightened selfishness, the concept of putting your own oxygen mask on first so that you are better equipped and able to help those around you. Because let’s face it, if you don’t put your own oxygen mask on first, there will be no one around to help those around you. So putting your own oxygen mask on first is enlightenly selfish as is this act that we are about to discuss. And quite honestly, I only want you to do this from a very selfish perspective. And if there are any clergy listening in, I apologize for making this act seem so selfish.
But here we go. Bare with me for a moment because here we go. What the heck am I talking about? I am talking about forgiveness. That’s right, forgiveness. Isn’t it true that forgiveness is thought of as a very selfless thing to do. We are supposed to rise above our anger and our resentment and our hurt and forgive someone because it is the right thing to do. But wait a minute. How many of us actually do it because it’s the right thing to do? I think it is wonderful if you do and have been able to do that but really to me, I want to introduce you to forgiveness as a selfish, self-serving, self-centered act. That’s right, selfish, self centered and self serving not to mention self indulgent, which I just mentioned, of course. OK So let’s think about this maybe you have an idea what I am talking about.
But let’s just go through it. Let’s say somebody has done you wrong. Let’s just say somebody has really done you wrong. Let’s say it’s a parent or a sister or a brother and they have really done something terrible and you just can’t forgive them. They don’t deserve it. Those scoundrels. How dare they do that for you. And chances are what they did was actually really quite dreadful because let’s face it, people do crummy things out there. It’s true.
As you may know, I may have shared this somewhere along the way. My father was an alcoholic and he was a workaholic as well so as I was growing up, he was rarely present in the home and when he was, he was very much into himself. He was doing his own thing, reading his newspaper, ignoring the children and he was also extremely moody so we never knew what father we would find. And this, of course, upset me a lot. I had many wonderful things in my childhood but a physically and emotionally present father wasn’t one of them. And so, as you could imagine, I had a lot of resentment towards my father for his not being there. I thought that there must have been something wrong with me when I was a child that I wasn’t worth spending time with and I had a lot of resentment.
Tell me who bears the burden of that resentment? Was it my father? He was going along doing really the best that he could do. He was doing what he thought was important by working and providing for the family, coping in the only way that he knew how which was alcohol and he was fairly oblivious to this entire drama that was happening within me but I was carrying the resentment. And you know what? The resentment is a heavy load to carry. It’s a very heavy load to carry. It’s as if we are carrying around negative energy with us.
What does this make you think of? Maybe carrying around a kind of like carrying a heavy load of excess weight on our bodies, trying to deal with all that negative energy, that resentment, that anger, that hurt, that frustration over the people who have wronged us in our lives. I am not saying they didn’t wrong us. People do wrong other people. The people that wronged you probably did so and it was probably something pretty bad that they did. Absolutely. I’ve heard of some really horrendous stories and yet who suffers?
It is almost as if by carrying around our anger our resentment, all of those negative emotions which, in fact, can almost be seen on some of our bodies as excess weight actually continues the hurt. It’s as if we are continuing to give power to give them the license to rehurt us over and over again because every time we think of it, every time we get down because of what they did to us and how dreadful they are, we are letting them win. We are giving them our power. We are carrying that burden afresh and anew again and again and again. Now is this doing us any favors? Would you like to do this. If you think in the abstract, would I like to carry around resentment and anger to someone who is really a scumbag anyway? You think probably not, probably I would want that scumbag person out of my life as quickly as possible. Don’t you think? Wouldn’t that be ideal? If there is somebody’s whose energy, whose behavior you really don’t like, wouldn’t you just want to move on and get them out of your life as soon as possible? In the abstract, I think we all say absolutely. The challenge is when it is someone who really has done something to us and especially if it is someone who is close to us, like in my case, it was my father.
So when I say that forgiveness is selfish what I am saying is that forgiving my father for me, forgiving the person or the people who have harmed us, society, the President, other countries, whoever it is, forgiving them frees us of our burden. It frees us because we no longer have to carry the weight of that around with us because we are now lighter, because acceptance, because forgiveness is as light as a feather. In fact, it is almost as if acceptance, peace, love, carry us as we move through life, like we are walking on the clouds.
So what would you rather have? I like you to think about that and your homework is to write a list of all the people who have done you wrong that you are still carrying resentment or anger or hurt from. Just write that list of people and think about it. How much weight are you carrying with that resentment, with that hurt and on the next episode of Inside Out Weight Loss, we will talk about the structure of forgiveness and how to do it. And on the next episode or the one after that, I never know when I am actually going to get to it because there is so much great stuff to explain about all this. I want to make sure that you really understand the concept before I guide you through a powerful process of forgiveness to lighten your load to just let go, to put those heavy bags down that you have been carrying with you and feel light and supported by those beautiful energies of acceptance and love and peace that carry you through life.
That brings us to the end of our show today. Thank you for being present. As I record this I can feel all of your energies and I open my heart to you in respect and recognition of your desire and your sincerity in your journey. Thank you.
By the way, I mentioned earlier in today’s episode a product available for sale on my site but I neglected to give you the URL which is mindforbody.com. Click on the products tab and it will take you directly to the page where that MP3 download is available. You can also save that MP3 download to your hard drive and import it to your iTunes to play on an iPod or other MP3 player if you like. Just be sure to save it to your hard drive.
This is your host Renee Stephens and I am on a mission to eradicate the weight struggle from the planet beginning with you and enabling you to share your soul’s gifts. Join me as we evolve the world by evolving ourselves. Take good care.
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