Episode 37: Meet the New Gang
This episode introduces us to the people we will be following for the next 8 weeks. Get to know Julie, Hamsa, Natalie, Lani, Rob and your host Sean X, as they navigate the difficult world of intimacy. What does it mean to have a Practice? Why at a deep instinctual level does Julie believe we all want to either kill someone or have sex with them? Is Hamsa chasing around his 5 year old a "movement" practice? What happens when you come off a long relationship or marriage, as Rob has, in how you approach intimacy?
Join our cast over the next 8 weeks to follow the intimate details of what it is like to be a member of the OneTaste community. A community centered around connection, intimacy, and mindful sexuality.
"A Taste of Sex – Reality Audio 2.0" follows 5 members of the OneTaste community over an 8 week period. Hamsa & Natalie "The Couple," Lani "The Bitch," Julie "The Kookie One," and Rob "The Innocent." Your host, Sean X, navigates the journey for five members, exposing their lives and their struggles with intimacy; the blocks that occur, the jealousy that rises up, and the sensations we all feel if we are conscious to them.
Recently the subject of a feature article in the New York Times, the OneTaste community explores what it means to be an everyday person living an extraordinary life. Found at the intersection between mindfulness and sexuality, community and private experience, practice and play, the 40+ residents extend the philosophy for an intimate life by including you in on the experience. With candor, humor, vulnerability, feel for yourself how the tapestry of real life is richer than any fiction. In a community where the basic philosophy is that we all want the same things; to love and be loved, to see and be seen, to know purpose and feel connection, take a peek inside and feel it for yourself.
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Shaun x: welcome to one taste a taste of sex realty audio2.1. A lot has actually happened in the one taste community, I am your host Shaun x I have been here at one taste for the past year. I came here because I was really working for something that I thought that did exist. I wanted more intimacy in my life and I knew it was lacking but I didn’t know what it was, that was the hole in my life and I didn’t know what could possibly fill it and a year ago I started taking courses at one taste at the same san Francisco center and its has profoundly change the way that I relate to other people and myself. I am joined today by five other members of the one taste community HAMZA, NATALIE, LANI, ROB and JULIE. And I like you all too briefly introduce yourself and just give a basic bio.
Natalie: Hi my name is Natalie and see here I am also been part of one taste community for about eight months now and you know who has brought here in large part because of my premier relationship Hamza here and the doors that have been opened since being part of this community have been monumental, and we have a four year old son named Ameer. For me one taste and begin relationship and all that as a practices really that’s where intimacy lies for me and it’s what drives me to continue to be here and to do the really knurly work that it takes to a week end, Thank you .
Lani .K: Hi I am Lani. I came here almost exactly a year ago and I was definitely working for deeper connections with people. I have gotten a taste of it with some of my relationships but felted in general in our culture and in our society that people don’t in general really job in two more internal level with each other and really feel each other and be with each other and in a way that I wanted in my life as really looking for more often sick connection. I was sick of going to Bar then having stupid conversation with stupid man and u know I wanted something that felt more for filling skimming, gripping immediately felt like I found my tribe ,u know it was like who are these people that are how curly and open and care about connecting and are researching relationships , u know that exactly what I was looking for and it’s been a, it’s been a ride.
Rob: Hi my name is Rob. I have been coming to one taste like it’s for five month now. I came to one taste after, since we haven’t any relationship for ten years, the relationship which became married. And what really drew me was I came to the point where those around me really saying something that I couldn’t see anymore they wanted me to get back to who I was before I was in relationship ,how I grew in relationship and I think that really triggered me to realize that I given up a lot. And I came here really trying to find that in, story to myself, I am not going to find that in debris office, am not gonna find that having a question been asked to me to look into this looking,I knew what the stories were it was easy for me to tell those stories over and over again changing the stories is going to be the challenge I needed to do that with people who alternately wanted to know who I was and didn’t know the story behind in my life . u know I was gonna have to explain who I was again and that was the start I needed when I came here and I got that and I got it without judgment and I got it with ,you know there was going to be some question asked to me in and there was some answer. And that s really would brought me back after coming to a first interview was coming back here in time. I am gonna let you in and I am not gonna let u challenge me and in a way, if it takes blowing up my notions of who I am then do it because I needed something different and this was the start I needed to get back to so much that I just decide been exist anymore.
Julie: hi my name is Julie and I guess so I first came to one taste about eight months ago and my reason for coming here was that I was already pretty open and honest and curly when I got here and any to define a place where people where open to that and able to accept that somebody was already sort of in that mode of being and u know not having to constantly fill shutdown by trying to knock the people in the eye when I am walking around in the street or you know concern that I am you know it’s not going to be ok to be that way with people. And I lived in several communities before so early I knew it that’s what I wanted with the community of people to adjust with them. And the difference being the one taste is a community that’s built on a common practice that is supposed to just whole bunch of people is kind throwing in their lot together with no reason for being there and so, yeah, that’s my story.
Shaun x: Thank You.
Hamza: Hi my name is Hamza. And I first came to one taste about eight months ago and just reflecting back on it at that time I really for most of my life I fill a conflict between my spirituality and my personal life like you know, this long tenures heart trenching relationship that I have with Natalie.
Natalie: Thanks buddy.
Shaun x: Thank you for the listeners and Natalie Hamza are in relationship together.
Hamza: There is constantly this threat of guilt almost like we are doing it like because we are addicted to each other and there is no, you know we are just messing each other up to no end. And it actually was coming into one taste and been exposed to the teaching available here that I was able to resolve that conflict and really view come into viewing what my heart knew which is that I needed to knew me and Natalie in your connection as something that was valid and true.
Shaun x: Thank you. So one of the things that I want to pick up on from you rob was you mentioned no judgements, that the people when you came here they didn’t know your story they want attaching all these other stories to you from your past. Then the way you could start clean but u could open up in a way where people won’t judging you.
Rob: It was really scared because it wasn’t that familiar hug that is built after you gone through some experiences or you told the joke and you laughed and there’s been some kind of unifying experience. this was I walked in and someone walked up to me and said “oh you are rob” in I was certain that I guessed that’s why I’m I don’t know you and you want to hug me and u got to stab me or you got to knee me or it’s just was so confrontational so why you want to hug me when I didn’t offer u anything you yet, I am not giving no reason to touch me and all of a sudden you want to hug me and it was only, it simply because they had to just sponsor me and if that was so challenging to whenever I hug someone that it may be question why would anyone want to close to me that why am I turning myself apart you know for no reason.
Shaun x: how is the simple act of a hugging made u more conscious?
Rob.W: You know hug isn’t just my arms anymore it’s not just proximity it’s an expression of how I am in that movement. Before it was pretty mind… it was very mindless thing I did walk up u hug someone you know you step back and then it is you know you can go into the worst day but it’s not you know it can be any story u want but it’s not really a connection it’s just as passing thing no different than a handshake and now it’s really mediating something not necessarily you know, before I could feel like I was taking something I have that need for physical contact it was hugging someone to take something from them .
Shaun x: Hamza you mentioned in your intro about your addiction in a way to Natalie. How have you started to look at that addiction differently? Since coming here how is it changed your relationship?
Hamza: well the first thing I just say, I think of big part of the reason why I looked it as an addiction in its first place was that the intense high’s and low’s in you know the intense like release of sex of you know, finally being out to look in Natalie’s eyes without you know , see the anger.
Natalie: where there couple that whose friends along with their friends and parent’s and family member’s think where absolutely the same?
Hamza: oh yeah, why you still… why?
Natalie: you were actually burned through friends you just couldn’t take it anymore you know the work that we were doing allow me to move out of this idea that we were just disfunctional and insane and into this is oh this is really intimate, so intimate, both intimate and lacking tools you know that are problems are necessarily problems as much as they are opportunities for practice because to be title of person that brings up so much shit you think that you are gonna you know loose it as prove to be one of the most, you know it hums us my greatest teacher , hums us my greatest teacher because we get to uncover together all the places where we get triggered and all the places we were unhappy all the places we were stuck, all places that were stuffing our desire I mean employing other person’s for it that’s were practices and that’s were relationship’s as practice happens .
Shaun x: what are some of the tools that you been able to take from here place to outside to the place where you feel wrong are you got the wrong with other people?
Julie : well, let me clarify something it’s not its does not has much to do with me feeling it wrong as much for feeling that being able to be open in sort of people looking through the eyes and mind is actually the natural state of how it is with human beings, but the… when you spend a lot of time coming with people you don’t know there is immediately going to be a joy of sensation and are u going to immediately think I want to kill this person or they are going to try to kill me or you going to be thinking I won’t have sex with this person and both of them, either of the moment.
Shaun x: how much history, so you either go to I am gonna kill you or I want to have sex with you.
Lani : On a deep instinctional level ,that might not be I have been thinking it might come up is I don’t want talk with this person or I might come up is I want to talk with person but taking a very deep instinctional level those are the probably one of the two It is coming out off.
Shaun x: Lani how do you express intimacy in your life now that’s different than either before.
Lani: well I think that my idea of intimacy has changed so that it includes things like feeling really angry for somebody like we adopt her earlier little bit or feeling really jealous so there is broader spectrum of what’s intimate and I think right now it’s coming out from me is like ways that I express intimacy now I’m experiencing for is like going into the really like going to be uncomfortable all places with people where you just like you want to get as far away from it as possible on just shit working on that with them that has been really intimate for me .
Shaun x: what are some of the tools you think you don’t have?
Lani: hmm… like, there’s a still a lot with jealousy of me, there is a lot there like how to not just got anger kind of I think I do a lot of hmm.. like default emotion like I just go to my default emotion in sort of going like aware deeper until what’s really going on so I would like to be able to reverse quickly through the default emotion into what’s really going on like to hang on that’s first one a lot more so that would be a tool I want to learn .
Shaun x: Thank you all we are going to take a short break and then come back talking over a bit more about practice.
Shaun x: we are back at one taste a taste of sex reality audio and I’m joined by Hamza, Natalie, Lani, Rob enjoy
Julie: I’m just thinking that I guess for me what I’m actually really fully immersed in any of those parts of the practice that’s all I’m doing like I’m feminine inner orgasm meditation all I’m doing there lying and I’m experiencing the sensation that are happening if considering I’m doing a sitting experiencing the sensation ,if I’m moving is all I am doing is moving and I don’t have any resistance to what actually takes place, the resistance for me as like if I happened to work early in the morning and if I miss all schedule, the morning practice . We have the community and I am less like that actually plug the minimum day.
Shaun x: Good say how you are integrating the practice into the rest of your day.
Julie: Well like I walk to work so that’s the movement for me and it is really quite interesting me along my thoughts so that’s is definitely a meditative aspect in my walking to work, and for me because I work in a coffee shop I’m not rounded and if I’m not in my body and I’m not feeling what is going around, I’m gonna burn my self. so it’s pretty true forward, right there are clear and logical consequences to not being in your body you know when you are working in a coffee shop filling up liquids and may me interacting with twenty people in five minutes and you might be flirting up but u still have to be as granted as u can.
Shaun x: Hamza and Natalie you have an interesting dynamics and you are also a couple, practicing and to what would be like people to know who don’t about the practicing of the that come up, for both of you to come up.
Hamza : Well the first thing that came to mind is how to integrate the practice it’s done in here in the orgasm meditation practice into your lifestyle of who don’t live here, if you don’t live in this community that’s been a constant struggle for us you know whether been early mornings or just you know not having that like not having in schedule when you can show up this is what is gonna be happening but it’s the beautiful thing you know be with have in practice and have access to the practice even if you don’t live here in this community so doing an research is been valuable and I want to just answer your question I would say that you don’t need to live here and it becomes own kind of research.
Shaun x: what could you tell the people up there of how parents were struggling were parents who don’t have enough time in a day and why is that important to take that time for yourself?
Lani: Well it’s like anything you know, the same thing with exercising you know for parents you got to take space for yourself otherwise there’s nothing you can give out enough and I would say two things that are shown up one thing that I think that daily practice both in yourself what ever be the practices both for yourself and with your partner it’s going to save a marriage and to it can also become one more thing to fight about I hate you , I’m not going to come with you , fuck you go away.
Hamza: Ok I would add to that also that chasing it rather around the house is a movement practice
Shaun x: Are you going to save the time around that? I can chase you after 15 minutes
Shaun x: you mention something I want to pick up on which is shame and I think I’ m very glad that you took the question that way Lani because I think all of us, I think all of us in the society we grow up with this behind closed doors your parents never had sex and infer lot of trust rolling up it was something it was something that behind closed doors you did not want to know God ever walked in or ever heard that.
Julie: If you heard that the doors are closed…
Lani: I’m sexually relieved if I find that my parents had sex. I literally thought that they hate it each other so much and they haven’t had sex for many years and actually I heard about once I was like completely surprised , yeah I was like completely surprised, completely surprised .
Hamza: I thought now we understand Julie so much. I grow up knowing that you know Sunday morning that doors were never been closed Sunday mornings and one day when the door didn’t quite close and the world change in a movement I had never seen you kissed but you can do that on Sunday morning what’s going on here like are you trying to have a kiss and I think there had to be a point for what we did.
Shaun x: hmm… interesting. Ok I want to ask you a question based on that kind of questioning that we just make out how did your parents relationship with your own sex and there are chance they are communicating with you as set all of your relationships you have now with your sex in being it relationship with out sex being it relationship with other people how do you think that really impacted you.
Julie: I remember going on a bag packing trip with my family, me, my mom my dad, my brother and I was probably my early teens yes.. maybe I was 12 or something and I remember my dad just getting completely naked and jumping in the lake just to swim around naked and me weeping like oh mom this is so uncomfortable, can you please tell him like he can’t be naked anymore .
Shaun x: Ok for people who are setting things up there who may be alone may be seeing their feeling changed about either their sex their bodies they don’t have a mind for a sexuality practices they may even not have a sexuality practice sitting meditation practice, yoga practice, they may not know they are feeling very vast and worrying out there what could if you tell them to tell them they’re not alone?
Bob: And you not alone
Lani: There’s probably that if you are in the situation definitely that other people in the situation as well because it’s very strange for us to do things all along as human beings but I’m sure that everyone who is sitting in this room right now has at some point experienced what you are experiencing just at least to some degree I mean certainly all of us who have the practice we didn’t always have it or you know wouldn’t be practiced so at some point in our life for most of us very recently we took on this practice that we have now.
Shaun x: I think lot of people out there they sort of book emotions into one category or another, like these are good emotions these are bad emotions. I think one of the practices that we all are trying to do here is that there are sensations in our body and if we set them and sit down and we notice those sensations that we become more conscious of them we find that the differences between the jealousy angry love of what is actually doing to her bodies is actually very small and very minute of the difference and that we tend to group them it sucidely as complete polar opposites you know why is that and that’s what it concludes why is it that person I actually hate turns me out . we sit there and we look at that’s wrong and set up just noticing ok what is it about this relationship what is it about their interaction what is it about the intimacy between us that either one of us I want to thank you all for joining me today I had a amazing time talking to you all and I wanted to remind you if any one listening up there now that you can visit one taste online at www.onetaste.us to find out more information about the show and other s and connect with lectures other podcast , audio courses that can be taken at one taste center and either san Francisco online study and also remind you that there is an online course The Intimate Life taught by our founder Nicole Daedone which is going to be monthly starting April 14 . Thank you.