Episode 5: Learning to Feel: The Practice of Orgasmic Meditation

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Sex was always on her mind, but when it came down to it Rachael Hemsi didn’t know how to feel. Her mind would wander, or she would conjure up fantasies to create sensation in her body. Wanting to explore the root of the block, Rachael joined OneTaste Urban Retreat Center in 2006. She took on the practice of Orgasmic Meditation -- where two people tap into the orgasm that lies between them -- and began investigating her fears and desires around sex. In this episode we follow Rachael through her day. You’ll hear from the many sides of a woman who is uniquely forthright in revealing her history, insecurity and growth around her sexuality.

Transcript

Learning to Feel: The Practice of Orgasmic Meditation

Announcer: This program is intended for mature audiences only.

[music]

Bob G.: Hello, and welcome to “A Taste of Sex,” a reality audio show on life in an orgasm based community. I’m your host Bob G.. This series is a peak into the private lives of the world’s leaders in orgasmic innovation at OneTaste™ Urban Retreat Center in San Francisco, California. OneTaste™ is a business that helps men and women explore their sensuality. It’s also a growing community; currently of about 50 people. We live together, we work together, and we pursue a practice called orgasmic meditation that brings mind and body into awareness and connection. Tune in, and turn on.

Bob G.: In this episode, we’ll give you a taste of life at OneTaste™, and the practice of orgasmic meditation through the eyes of Rachael Hemsi, the business manager. Rachael speaks frankly about the details of the practice, how it’s changed the way she relates to sex, and how it’s integrated into the rest of her life.

Bob G.: Members of the OneTaste™ community begin every day the same: rising at 6:45 A.M., we gather for what we call an OM, a fifteen-minute orgasmic meditation session. After that, there’s a morning meeting, and then it’s on with the rest of the day. As business manager at OneTaste™, Rachael Hemsi is responsible for running the center. We will follow Rachael through her day; from the morning OM session, to the morning meeting, and then her workout on the treadmill. You’ll not only hear about her life, but get a taste for what it’s like to live it.

Rachael Hemsi: I think sex is the place where we are the most unconscious. There’s a lot of charge, especially for women it’s one of the places where our – or at least for me – I’ve pushed so much of my sexuality down, and women in general, who I’ve talked to, especially in Western cultures, there’s a certain – we’re not supposed to be sexual, we’re not. If we are, we’re sluts, we’re whores. And so to go into that realm where there’s so much unconsciousness, and so much shame, and to be able to explore that realm and free it, allows so much freedom in, in life.

Rachael Hemsi: So we have a practice called orgasmic meditation – that we sometimes refer to as OMi – is the practice of a man taking his index finger, and stroking a woman’s clitoris for fifteen minutes. We do it for fifteen minutes because it’s a set amount of time, and that way you can really go as high up and feel as much sensation and come down as you need to without wondering “Is this going to go on forever, and what’s going to happen?” and you just know it’s for fifteen minutes, and that really allows you to be able to feel more. The man wears gloves, and it really can be anyone, it’s just a finger stroking your clitoris. And there’s a spot, sometimes you can actually see, like, there’s a red dot on your clitoris, where over 8,000 nerve endings meet, and in that spot is the most sensation. And so the man will find that spot, and sometimes your finger actually just suctions right onto that spot, and rub up-down, up-down, for fifteen minutes. And you follow the orgasm, so sometimes it’s high, light strokes that are up, up, up, and sometimes it’s more grounding, earthy strokes, which are strokes toward the ass, which are a little bit heavier stroke, and those are more grounding. What you do is you go up until you feel like the next stroke will be less sensational, until it feels like you can’t go up any further, and then you go back down, so you get re-grounded back into your body, and then you can go up even further. So it’s just this process of following where the energy goes. I have between three and five OMs a day. We do two OMs in the morning, that’s our practice.

Rachael Hemsi: 6:47!

Rachael Hemsi: Yeah, there’s the center.

Chris : Alright, got my clothes on, here’s . [inaudible (music in bg)], and then we begin.

Rachael Hemsi: I OM with Chris a couple times a week; every Saturday we have an OM scheduled, and then usually some other times during the week. We have a bizarre relationship.

Chris : We are friends, and sometimes combatants, together, and sometimes we OM together. More often than not we OM together.
Rachael Hemsi: There was a moment when he was stroking and it felt like your finger fell right into the spot, and all of a sudden all of these tingles, like, fell down, and it went down into my left leg and my foot was, like, just moving on its own.

Chris : The temperature on my thumb went way up. It felt like someone had poured hot, [inaudible] liquid down my palm and across my arm.

Rachael Hemsi: Welcome to Friday. If anyone wants, we’re going to be power-washing the side of a building. It really is an excellent aggression letter-goer. So if anyone feels like joining… just for a few minutes, just go and get out of some of your tension.

Rachael Hemsi: I work a lot. I work from about eight, no, maybe nine in the morning to about nine at night. Sex adds to the work, and it makes me – it makes the work more enjoyable, and it makes me remember that everything I do in my life is a choice. You know, I used to be attracted to unavailable men, and then I would think “(Sigh), I can’t stand that I did that.” But I created it, and so I might as well enjoy all the things I create in my life. The sex and the OMing gives me a chance to actually relax enough to realize that I’m choosing everything in my life.

Rachael Hemsi: I’m on the treadmill. I wanna lose 45 pounds, and I’ve lost, probably, 80. I used to be a really fat person, and now I’m just… like a person would go “Oh, she’s kinda overweight.” But you wouldn’t see a large, large person (? Not sure because of noise). John Gray came to speak, and he was talking about how if there’s more [inaudible due to background sound], that you’ll be likely to lose weight. Basically, if you’re happier, you can let some of the weight go.

Bob G.: This is “A Taste of Sex”. After a short break, we’ll be back for the second half of the show.

Bob G.: This is “A Taste of Sex”. On the second half of the show, OneTaste™ business manager Rachael Hemsi talks about how orgasmic meditation has changed the way she deals with intense sensations, and with sex.

Rachael Hemsi: I was a social worker for about eight years, and then I got really burnt out, and had spent a year traveling around the world. I was in India for six months, I was traveling by myself and just exploring life. And I came back and lived on people’s couches for a long time, and then I was taking some art classes, working at a coffee store, and didn’t quite know what I was going to do next with my life and I was going to go to graduate school at Columbia for psychological counseling. And was working on just figuring out ways to interact and help people without losing myself. And I was just doing a lot of internet dating and a lot of just kind of trying to find ways to connect to more people. I lived with eight people and still kind of there were days when I just felt lonely and trying to get more sensation or feeling out of life.

Rachael Hemsi: In college, and then after college I had two girlfriends and I hadn’t really dated men, and I had a real big block around men; being able to be friends with them, have any connection with them, had sex a few times with men, but hadn’t really had sex. It felt like my sex and my sex drive was dead in some way. When I was traveling, I met people here and there to make out with, but it would be like, I would see someone, and I’d be attracted to them – the experience of seeing them and attracted to them, and I would get so flustered and sure that they would reject me or.. I had this pattern of, I just wouldn’t make eye contact with them, I couldn’t talk to them, I couldn’t do anything, and then I would walk away and five minutes later I’d be like “Ugh! Why couldn’t I just go say hello?” And the next time it would happen it was exactly the same thing.

Rachael Hemsi: I remember about two years ago, thinking “Wow, if I touch myself, I don’t really feel anything without fantasizing.” And trying just to touch myself and not fantasize and I couldn’t feel much. And I thought, “Huh, I should work on that.” So I ended up coming to a party where there was a demonstration of a woman in orgasm for half an hour, and I was like “I don’t what I’m going to, I have no idea what I’m doing, but it’s interesting. Why not? I’ll go.” And I came to the party and I saw the demonstration of a woman in orgasm for half an hour and I just remember thinking like “I could never do that,” and “I don’t know what’s going on,” but I felt like my whole body was cold. I knew that there was something that I had to find out more about, there was no way around it. So I ended up taking a course the next day. In that course, there’s actually a lab where you practice orgasmic meditation. And the whole day you learned kind of more about the practice and what orgasmic meditation is. And then finally I got more and more into my body, and it was this experience of actually being able to feel something and connect with someone else, with the person who was stroking me without falling in love, but really, I started to feel my body.

We have two OMs in the morning, and then in the afternoon usually sometime around two. I’ll be “Ugh, I’m too busy to do this,” and “I can’t have an OM,” and then I think “Okay, it’s just fifteen minutes.” So I’ll have an OM, and all of a sudden I’m so much more productive and I realize, “Oh, I have a great life.”

Chris : My left hand is pressed up against her pussy, and with my thumb I’m gonna pull her hood, so I can see her clitoris just poking through.

Chris : I used to be extremely hungry for sex, and when I looked at a woman there was calculation going on about whether I had a chance to have sex with her or not. And there’s still a piece of that in place, but it’s not the majority of what’s going on between my ears. What’s going on between my ears now is an attempt to feel what she feels like.

Chris : I’m gonna start with a couple of down strokes. Slow, deliberate strokes. Now I’m slowly increasing the speed of the stroke, and going up, down, up, down. And the stroke is about three-quarters of an inch in length. This is a practice where we are – oh, wow, hold on. I’m getting waves of pleasure moving through my arms and back now. She’s going into spasms now.

Rachael Hemsi: So there was a moment when you were stroking and I could feel your finger and it felt like, I could feel it on the surface and then I’d relax; I’d push push down and it felt like your finger was falling deeper and deeper into me, and touching, like, every time you stroked it felt like you were hitting deeper and deeper part inside of me.

Chris : Alright.

Rachael Hemsi: Alright.

Chris : Thank you Rachael.

Rachael Hemsi: I’m going to [power blow a house?].

Rachael Hemsi: Someone will be stroking and it’s like “Ah, I can feel it, and I feel that there’s like this point that I want more, and all I have to do is relax into it and not tighten up and just relax and let the sensation, and they don’t actually have to move their finger and the sensation can fall further down into my body and it can like, hit that spot that I’m dying to have hit. And that practice of having someone pay that much attention to me and my body and me doing the same thing, at the same time, allows me to learn how to do that in my life if tighten up and I hate you and I can’t stand you and I just totally like, clamp down, I’m learning just “Oh, so there’s this burning sensation in my chest and I want to hold it, I just want to throw it back at you.” And how can I let it pass through me, how can I feel that “Wow there’s actually a lot of energy in my body.” And I can just use it, I can take that energy and use it. I don’t have to throw it back at you, I can allow this much to move through me.

Rachael Hemsi: Today is a great example of how I was working on one thing, and twelve other things came up, and there was no one to do it, and scaffolding needed to be built, there needed to be people in the café, and usually I would have just snapped and yelled at everyone, and “No one can help me,” and “Oh my god, I hate my life, can’t stand it,” and just gone down. Instead it was like: “Okay, they’re not doing this, and I can just feel this, and I can just go step by step and try and make it pleasurable for everyone to actually want to help.”

Rachael Hemsi: Having someone stroking my clitoris and just staying with the sensations in my body, like, just feeling, not thinking about them, but actually feeling them has allowed me to have so much more openness around my sexuality. Actually, I think just saying “Oh, I think the spots a little to the left, a little to the right,” has allowed me to tell someone when I’m being sexual, like, how to touch me, and not feel weird about it. Like, it’s my body, and it’s not like there’s this thing happening and if I talk it’s going to stop and I don’t know how to keep the sensation, it’s like I’m actually staying conscious and awake and I know what’s going on during sex and I’m able to ask for what I want. There’s someone who I’ve been dating and about, like, the fourth or fifth time I had sex I was like “Oh my god I can have sex like a normal person.” It felt like I’ve been able to feed that part of myself.

Bob G.: You’ve been listening to “A Taste of Sex.” I’m your host, Bob G.. You can find us on the web at PersonalLifeMedia.com, and for more information about OneTaste™, check us out at OneTasteSF.com. Tune in, and turn on.

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