Episode 6: What’s in it for the Man? The practice of orgasmic meditation from the perspective of a man.
What’s in it for the Man? The practice of orgasmic meditation from the perspective of a man.
Announcer: This program is intended for mature audiences only.
Bob G.: Hello, and welcome to ‘A Taste of Sex‘: a reality show on life in an orgasm based community. I’m your host, Bob G.. At ‘One Taste’ urban retreat centre in San Francisco we live together, we work together and we research sensuality, intimacy and connection through a practice called orgasmic meditation - where two people are tapping into the orgasm that runs between them. Each week we profile community members, peeking into their private lives and thoughts to understand who they are and why they’re here. Tune in and turn on.
Bob G.: In an orgasmic meditation sessions, or ‘OM‘, the woman takes off her pants and lies down. Her partner, either a man or a woman, remains clothed and sits next to her, placing one leg over her stomach and the other under her legs which are spread open. Her partner places an index finger on the clitoris and strokes up/down, up/down for 15 minutes. Given that the woman is stroked, we’re often asked, what does a man get out of it? In this episode, I’ll tell the story of why I came to ‘One Taste’ and give my perspective on how the lessons of orgasmic meditation reverberate through my life: in sex, relationships and work. My friend, “J” will co-host.
“J”: I met Bob about a year after I’d been living at ‘One Taste’. He started coming to ‘In’ groups, which is our introduction night held every Wednesday. He was this sad, kind of dopey guy who talked a lot and I could never quite follow what he said. Then he moved in and lost a lot of the dopeyness. We developed a close relationship and we have become two friends, deeply committed to the cause of liberating sensuality in our culture.
Bob G.: My first experience about me was you, and I remember feeling really self-conscious about it; like the glove didn’t fit quite right, I’d never really worn gloves before, you know, it was like, and I was wearing large and now I know medium is really my size and it was wringly on the finger and it was ‘where’s her’, well ‘your clit?’
“J”: What did you think when it was done?
Bob G.: The experience I’ve had at ‘One Taste’ so many times is that it takes things which are chargey or difficult or are really unusual in another context and makes them seem perfectly normal. And so part of my thinking was like, ‘oh, is this possible, does a place like this really exist?’
Kind of like I’d found a Holy Grail in some way both people want it and there’s not that negotiation or requirement of relationship or all of that. It took all of that stuff out of it and just brought it right down to, I think, the kind of intimacy and the contact that I was really after. I kind of articulating this with a lot of hindsight now, but I think at the time what was going on in my body was like ‘Oh my God, oh my God - I get to, this is great!’
Because at that time I was going through a divorce and I was also going through a break-up with a woman who I had started dating very soon after I had left my wife and both were really messy, I mean emotionally really messy. Sexually they’d both been great but there had been this really high cost to having that kind of sensual contact with somebody. And all of a sudden here I was in a situation where all the cost was taken out of it. Part of it was like, well, it’s not really having sex, it’s a different kind of thing but, I don’t know, it didn’t seem that different to me than sex - in terms of what it actually did for me what it actually gave to me at the time. Which was that - I think that level of intimacy, that level of connection with another human being.
“J”: So, Bob, you and I just had an ‘OM’. How was it for you?
Bob G.: It was an ‘OM’ without a lot of peaks and valleys - it was just sort of this steady rise and of course we talk about this all the time with you; this steady slow rise and then the two-minute warning happens and then ‘Bam’! You know, we’d doubled our height. I didn’t change anything, what happened was the two-minute warning hit so that did something for you and let you go in your mind in a certain way, then ‘Boom’ all of a sudden, we’re higher.
“J”: Do you think it’s just me or do you think it’s the two of us and what we create together because I always feel like ‘Bam!’- all of a sudden there’s this intensity of connection that wasn’t there before. And then it’s like a livewire and there’s this surge of energy and my body reacts and today I felt like it was almost like butterfly wings, you know how butterfly wings kind of stutter as they’re opening and closing - that’s the way it felt.
Bob G.: So, of course it’s the interaction between the two people creating the moment, it foes feel like you‘re riding something which is not you, which is outside of you, which is bigger than you and I think that’s what makes this so pleasurable. Oh and I will say that I did have this flash when we first started to ‘OM’, I was like - I wonder what this is going to be like in ten years? What’s it going to be like stroking “J” in ten years?
I’m 41 now and at the time I was 40 at the time I found ‘One Taste’. I was going through this kind of inner revolution where I was leaving some of my depression behind which had plagued me most of my life and this sort of indecision that I had always had about ‘What should I do with my life?” And I was slowly discovering ‘Oh, I’m a valuable person, I can make a difference in the world, I can make a difference in individual people’s lives but I really didn’t know what the hell I was doing, what I wanted to do. And then, when the divorce came to a head with my wife, it really threw me, it was my third marriage, it was the third time I had really tried to live a conventional life. I’d done it so many times, the same move from woman to woman to woman, you know, my third marriage, my fifth “serious relationship” and God know how many girlfriends in between and each time it was always going for that intensity, that passion that love story and I think I just kind of looked and I could try again, I guess, but I wasn’t really feeling that inspired to.
You’re listening to ‘A Taste of Sex’ : a reality audio show on life in an orgasm based community - we’ll be back after a short break.
Bob G.: You’re listening to ‘A Taste of Sex.’
In the second half of the show, I’ll speak more about orgasmic meditation and how it’s changed my attitude towards life, work, relationships and sex.
“J”: What role did sex play in your life?
Bob G.: Sex was everything, I was masturbating probably two, three times a day on average days and maybe more on unaverage days and less on others. But I was also aware that I was using it kind of like a drug - there was an addictive quality to it. I can remember sitting in business meetings and thinking ‘God, I’ve been sitting here for over an hour and all I’ve thought about is having sex with either someone in the room, or someone out of the room, or grading whether I would have sex with the people in the room, or whatever it was, but sex was like the thing that was constantly on my mind
What I find is that if I pay a lot of attention 1) to the sensations in my body and 2) to the sense of connection I have to my partner; is that absolutely everything that I go to sex for is available to me in an ‘OM’ when I remain fully clothed and my partner doesn’t. And actually it’s a greater sense of connection than I think I ever had in sex, because I think in sex it was always wrapped up in this passionate ‘oh my God, I have got to have you now, you are the one for me.’ or whatever those things are. And with this it just goes back to pure connection and one of the things I’m slowly getting better at is really putting my attention on my partner and really sensing where she is at and there is something intensely, intensely pleasurable about just that.
“J”: What are you doing now?
Bob G.: I’m putting on medium vinyl gloves. I hate the latex ones. I hate the smalls and I hate larges.
“J”: I had forgotten that I was your first ‘OM’.
Bob G.: Yeah? Until when?
“J”: When you were talking about it before. OK, go!
Bob G.: Alright. So now I slip my hand underneath “J”’s ass and I’m going to do a lube stroke.
“J”: I was trying to feel a buzzing sensation.
Bob G.: A couple of contractions.
“J”: That was a good ‘OM‘, that was really good, there was so much energy. It felt like… I have the weirdest visuals sometimes but this time I was almost picturing a battery box, you know, and then the battery box you have the positive and the negative charge and then the box itself Is the energy. There’s all this energy and it was just like pulsing and my body was pulsing with it and then there’s just this electricity. It’s like I’m this electric… box. (laughs)
Bob G.: And my way to describe it? I had this point where I was stroking her clit and I really refined the stroke and went really narrow and a little bit faster on it, and a little bit more pressure, and I had this notion of burrowing that I was burrowing through this layer of resistance, down to where all the sensation was and you really started, you know, contracting then. Your muscles were sort of contracting, it was pretty…
“J”: That was, I think, the most energy that we’ve had, at least in a long time
Bob G.: In a long time, yeah. Yeah.
“J”: That was good.
Bob G.: It was.
I think of you as one of my closest friends here and, like I told you this morning, after our ‘OM’ - you know, the thing about ‘what’s this going to be like in ten years?’ and who knows what going to happen between now and then, honestly, you know, this place could change so much that maybe neither of us will be here. But my intention is to keep doing this work and to keep being here and I feel like that’s your intention as well.
There are certain people that I look at here, and I feel like there’s this future time-line and I’ve never really had that, even in marriage it’s kind of weird. I think where my marriages have all fallen apart is we didn’t know why we were together. We were attracted to each other, there were some things we liked about each other, but we didn’t have that vision of what we wanted out of life, where we were going. There was no purpose, to again use the lingo we use here, there was no sense of purpose about what we were doing.
It fells like we’ve got like four or five things that we’re trying to promote on a regular basis here and I would just like to have those dynamically fed, almost on every page, so that you see the artey[sp?] the love-orgasm tabia[sp] course pretty regularly as you go through the site because we’re trying to kick it. Or the fact that we have frozen yoghurt or whatever that is. The little ads….
So here’s me with Chris Hubbard and Chris is our chief technology officer.
“J”: Does he have an official title?
Bob G.: I think he does, it’s kind of funny, I saw that somewhere, it’s like ‘why don’t I have an official title?’
“J”: What would be your official title?
Bob G.: I’m marketing dude.
My life had been always working so I could relax: I would work so I could take a vacation, I would work so I could go out at night, I would work so that I could come home at the end of the day and watch TV and eat Thai food on the couch or whatever. And I was supremely dissatisfied and this was a shift where suddenly I was like ‘oh, no!’ you rest so you can work, you don’t work so you can rest and that was.. And I think that is an ‘OM’, you know, the ‘OM’ is… you don’t go into an ‘OM’ to relax you go into an ‘OM’ to give your full attention to every single piece of minutia that you can in that experience and I realise that that’s what I want out of life. I want to jump into life so I wake up in the morning and I’m giving my full attention to every single little minutia of experience and when I do that I don’t sit on my ass and watch TV. When I do that I’m engaged with the people around me and engaged with the work that I’m doing.
I was talking with Robert the other day about this. We were saying, if you had to give up the make outs or the work, you know the work, that sense of purpose that we all have and try to live in here, it’s like, I think the make-outs would go. You know, it would be hard, I like making out with women, I like sex, but the thing that’s really giving me pleasure now is the work and the ‘OMing’ practice and I also know that with my current research partner, who’s new to the community and really isn’t steeped in the practice yet. That, I’m far more insistent about us ‘OMing’ together and I’m not concerned at all about when we’re going to have sex.
“J”: What would you tell other men about the practice?
Bob G.: Well first of all I would say that, you know, you’ve got to approach this not from the sort of bitter ’when am I going to get mine’ place because you’re never going to get yours from that place, you’re never going to… and it’s not because no one wants to give it to you, it’s because you can’t receive from that place. You can’t receive from a place of demand, which is basically what that Is. But you can receive from a place of care, you know like, I’m taking care, I’m handling the people in my life so when they give to me, I have no doubt that they’re giving to me, I have no doubt that there is some kind of reciprocal thing happening that there’s some kind of energy exchange that we’re both part of the same system. It would really behoove you to stop focusing on what you’re going to get and to make sure that the women in your life are full and turned on.
Thank you for listening to ‘A Taste of Sex.’ You can find us on the web at personallifemedia.com - for more information about ‘One Taste’ check us out at onetastesf.com.
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