Episode 8: From Girl to Woman Part 1
From Girl to Woman with Rachael Hemsi, Nicole Halpern and Jessica F
Announcer: This program is intended for mature audiences only.
J: Hello! and welcome to “A Taste of Sex,” a reality audio show on life in an orgasm based community. I am J. Each episode is a peak into the private lives and thoughts of community members, who live and work together at “One Taste Urban Retrieve Centre” in San Francisco. This week, we look at the importance of sexuality in making the transition from a girl to woman. In this first of a two part series we speak with three women at “One Taste” who have committed to exploring their sexuality through the practice of orgasmic meditation. We will hear how owning their sexuality has had them begin to make the shift from girl to woman. On the next episode, we will get the perspective of Nicole Daedone, founder of One Taste. Tune in! and Turn on!
Nicole Daedone: A little while ago, I met made an observation. Most women I meet, irrelevant of their age have affectations that are more similar to girl than women. They giggle, they are coy, they are diffident and unsure. There are the rare women who seem comfortable in their own skins. They stand out for their confidence and willingness to be who they are without apology. I began to wonder about the difference. What makes a woman versus a girl? and what exactly does sex have to do with it? Because the women who truly are women seem to own their sexuality. They are not hiding it, nor are they showing it off. It is simply there. On this episode, we speak with Rachel Hemsi, Nicole Halpern, and Jessica F, asking them about the journey from girl to women that comes with the exploration of sexuality. Rachel starts.
Rachel Hemsi: I have noticed it for a long time, just doing social work and therapy, like people get stuck actually at a certain age. Like, there is a 30-year-old women who just, like, its like they are 12 or 14 or 18. And like, there are just people like that who think they are younger than they are and usually if its really pronounced like…like something happened at that age and they stuck at that and they never made it past that.
I think….I think it is a fascination question that women don’t make it to womanhood. I don’t quite know why, but there is something…it seems like its quite a difficult transition that fewer people than I would have guessed made it and I don’t think that I have always realized that I have a been a woman. And then also, its like…when does that…when do you snap over it, its like when you are…all of a sudden when you are 30 you were supposed be a woman or when you are 28, was it your birthday…on your birthday do you become a woman.
What are the other affectations that you see in other women that you consider more girl like than woman.
Aaammm….kind of asking questions, I know….they know the answers to….Aamm…kind of this….like…not saying their opinion, because someone might not like it…like these things that are supposed to be feminine in some ways. Like, not letting their strength not be there, so its kind of like, they can melt into anything and men will see them as strong, but you can tell like, its just….its just a persona, and you can tell behind that there is strength that is wanting to come out, but instead they are like, “how do they do that”? “how do I do this”? Or, “I don’t know if I am capable of that.”
Nicole Halpern: This is Nicole Halpern. We have this term here called stroking a man’s ego. So, having him feel like he is the big strong man who is going to take care of me and…that…you know seeing that…that’s one of them. And then, also, amm…women like, if they have a problem then only feeling like they can only speak to a man about it, because he will solve the problem for them. And trust me, I mean…it is so….it takes a while to break through this and you know there are moments that I still refer to a man to answer my problems. You know, I actually still refer to women to answer my problems too. But, its just more and more uncomfortable to go some place outside of myself, to know what to do in certain situations.
Jessica F: This is Jessica F. I would definitely say that I have been moving probably from like teenager to woman. It’s funny when I first came here. I had green streaks in my hair, like….actually the colors would change a bit, but they were extension. So, the colors were changed depending on the month and the final one was actually like, I had chains hanging out of my hair…and then I just grew out of it. It was amazing. It was almost overnight. It was actually after a centre communication course. Somebody kept saying that my hair, the chains in my hair kept moving and they couldn’t pay attention to what I was saying. And that the next day and I took them out. That was over wait and wanting to have something to sort of distract your gaze and to keep your attention off of that. And also it is a way that I like to be sort of outrageous and so it was a subtly outrageous thing that if I was rejected that I could just hide in that you just were not open minded enough to really know be able to relate to me.
J: And putting together this story, a common theme began to emerge. Becoming a woman means that you can’t blame anyone for what happens to you. You take responsibility for every aspect of your life. This means not only being responsible to your job, family, and friends, but also to your desires and to your sexuality.
Jessica F: The biggest piece for me is a round responsibility and…aamm…it’s really funny, because I always thought I was very responsible person and now there is a level of responsibility with my sex that I never claimed before, just coming from a place of my own desire and taking responsibility for it. And in that way, I feel like I have really really grown up. And I feel like that taking responsibility for my sex is now ballooning out and spreading out into taking responsibilities for all these and all these other aspects of my life, and…ammmm….and how I relate to people, that…that I didn’t have before. It’s really really hard to take responsibility. Its like, “I don’t wanna be responsible here, I wanna…it’s so much easier to be the victim. Like all these people did this to me, this guy left me because I haven’t done enough. Don’t you feel sorry for me and she is blonde and pretty and isn’t that awful, look what a victim I am.” And I could live in that world, but I know where it ends up and its not where I wanna go.
J: You are listening to “A Taste of Sex.” We will back after this short break.
This is A Taste of Sex. We will hear more about the transition from girl to woman in the second half of the show.
What do you think are….what are some of the things that you have dropped off. As you have been making this journey from girl to woman.
I have dropped off some of the…aammm…I am never gonna get mine, I still have some of it, but a lot of that like, everyone else is gonna get it and I am never going to. As well as, poor me and I’ll just do it all by myself, which is not every womanly, like it…I think it felt like parts of it felt like a woman. I was very responsible and I lived by myself and I pay for everything and I did everything by myself, I didn’t need anyone, and it was like, Oh, that is adulthood, but that has dropped off to more genuine…like the things I can do, I it with support. Because I like it and people wanna support me and I am willing to take it on with that like I am holding up the world on my shoulders and it’s about to collapse. Although, I definitely fall back to it twice a day.
I actually I know one of the hardest things to leave behind is wanting the attention for myself and wanting to feel special, like I am really good at this and I am really good at that and I am special and just knowing that we are all connected and that we all have things we are really good at and things maybe we would like to do better. And that we are all connected in equal that I cannot put myself…putting myself above someone else begins to feel really uncomfortable. Being responsible for my own sex as well as being responsible for my own self, they seem to kind of correlate. Just the idea that someone will save me because, it is just like been able to be in an environment where day by day I get to save myself, or see myself, or I get to be supported without being saved has helped to get a stronger muscle there and that helps me to be more of a woman. I think I had two roles with men. One was just being mean and one was being meek. And so now there is actually like, okay, I can be a friend here. We can have a relationship and be honest and the more I am willing to be open, its like…I actually am really really want attention from men and then I am actually able to receive it, so I am just pushing it away when I get it. So it is just being responsible for what I want and finding out a way to ask for it and then finding out a way to responsibly take it when I get it, instead of pretending like I don’t want things and then wondering why they don’t’ come back and make it better and save me and I wanted their attention, don’t you know? Even though all I was doing was yelling at you.
For many women, admitting that you want sex is not easy. You want there to be a guy, so that you can say that you are turned on because of him. But if you get down to it the sexual drive is just there and there is power to be gained in the acknowledgement.
I used to feel like I was too much ________ my sex, like…Oh! I want more sex. I would have partners that I didn’t feel….at various points it feels like I was getting what I wanted in regards to my sex life, but not really. And now I know I can have it anyway I want. And there is this freedom in it.
You know we talk about it here a lot about women want as much sex as men. And so, I used to feel like…like…there is definitely like…moments and times that I would feel just like awkward with men around like ______ sex life. And so not feeling that awkwardness there is a way like…it puts you in equal ground with men. Like, its not something I have to be embarrassed about it anymore. Like, I don’t have to be embarrassed around my genitals. It can be something like that I am around of. Like I am proud of my sex, I am proud of that I have this mysterious part of my body that holds all this energy and having desires like I now know that I can have them. Like, none of them are wrong, like clearly getting that none of them are wrong. So if I wanna say I want something or be something that I can step into it. Like, that’s what being a woman feels like to me. Like, being a full expression of who you are. That’s that transition from a girl to woman is not happening to play certain roles to please others. And some of our roles are great, but playing the full spectrum of every aspect of our selves. Having more notes to play, like and just having fun with that…like….that to me is what being a woman is.
Thank you for listening to “A Taste of Sex.” You can find us on the web at personal life media.com. For more information about One Taste, check us out at onetastesf.com. Music on this episode was composed performed by Aharon Bolster. I am J, tune in! and turn on!
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